Browse content similar to Horrible Christmas. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and truthless | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
# Gory stories, we do that | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
# And your host, a talking rat | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
# Welcome to Horrible Histories. # | 0:00:26 | 0:00:30 | |
Welcome to Horrible Histories Horrible Christmas. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:39 | |
This show is going to be a real cracker! | 0:00:39 | 0:00:41 | |
By which I don't mean it's full of bad jokes. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:44 | |
Right, I'm off for a mince pie whilst you lot watch this. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:48 | |
Ho ho ho! | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
One of my favourite things about Christmas is watching telly. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:58 | |
But you won't believe what passed for | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
good Christmas entertainment in the Middle Ages. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:03 | |
# Finally found my place in paradise... # | 0:01:03 | 0:01:08 | |
-Next! -What? Why? | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
Let me try another song. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
How about some Taketh That, or the Jonas Brethren? | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
Oh, no. Next! | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
Are you sure he's not good enough, sir? | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
You have seen every jester in the country. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
No! I'm looking for something extra special here. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:25 | |
I want some top notch, quality entertainment, Chamberlain. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:29 | |
There is one more name on the list. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
Next! | 0:01:31 | 0:01:32 | |
I'm bored already. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
HE FARTS | 0:01:37 | 0:01:40 | |
Roland the Farter at your service. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
HE FARTS | 0:01:43 | 0:01:44 | |
That is brilliant! Chamberlain, book Roland here for the Christmas party. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:53 | |
In fact, I want you to do this jump-fart thing | 0:01:53 | 0:01:57 | |
at every Christmas party from now on! | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
Shower this man with rewards! | 0:01:59 | 0:02:02 | |
HE FARTS | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
Yes! Bravo! Yes! | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
Give this man a manor house, that one in Suffolk. | 0:02:07 | 0:02:10 | |
Oh, and 20... No, 30 acres of land! | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
Nothing is too much for such a talent. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:14 | |
Talent? You can't be serious. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:17 | |
He's not a proper entertainer. | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
If was farting you wanted, you only had to say! | 0:02:19 | 0:02:22 | |
I mean, how hard can it be? | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
HE FARTS | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
Oh... | 0:02:26 | 0:02:28 | |
I think I tried too hard. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:29 | |
Get cleaned up, be on your way. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
I will not speak a word of this. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:35 | |
Thank you. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:36 | |
HE FARTS | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
Open a window! | 0:02:39 | 0:02:40 | |
Oh, yes, they certainly had a different way of | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
celebrating Christmas in the Middle Ages. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
On Twelfth Night, peasants didn't have the silent night | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
that you hear about in the carol. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:52 | |
Instead, they went out wassailing. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:56 | |
Greeting, ghoulish fans of the dark. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:05 | |
I am Vincenzo Larfoff, and this week's scary story is... | 0:04:05 | 0:04:12 | |
It's a poem? | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
How's that supposed to be scary? | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
Oh, yes, all right. I suppose it is Christmas. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
I'll read it. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:24 | |
Twas the night before Childermass, and all through the land | 0:04:24 | 0:04:28 | |
The children were whipped at Mum and Dad's hand | 0:04:28 | 0:04:30 | |
28th of December, that was the time | 0:04:30 | 0:04:33 | |
But why were they beaten? | 0:04:33 | 0:04:34 | |
Let's find out in rhyme | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
Childermass was a medieval convention | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
It actually happened, it isn't invention | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
The story I tell you is horribly true | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
It isn't made up, I do promise you | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
Back in the time of the dark Middle Ages | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
They would celebrate Christmas horribly strangely | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
Instead of trees and presents and riding on sleds | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
Children would hide out under their beds | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
Back then, as part of an ancient tradition | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
They were to be beaten into submission | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
But why were they treated in this terrible way? | 0:05:01 | 0:05:04 | |
Well, because of what happened in King Herod's day | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
King Herod ruled in Biblical times | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
He killed all the babies - a terrible crime | 0:05:09 | 0:05:13 | |
And to remind children of what came to pass | 0:05:13 | 0:05:16 | |
The adults invented Childermass | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
Yes, the children were whipped, and that may sound cruel | 0:05:18 | 0:05:21 | |
But it was just to remind them of King Herod's rule | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
Today we have Santa, and presents and trees | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
A much better Christmas, I think you'll agree | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
So be thankful, be happy, and make sure you sleep tight | 0:05:30 | 0:05:33 | |
Merry Childermass to all, and to all a good night! | 0:05:33 | 0:05:38 | |
Actually, that was pretty scary. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
Can someone turn the lights up? | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
No, really, please. Thanks. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
Hello, and welcome to the News At When. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
When? Christmas Day 1066, which was a double celebration, | 0:05:54 | 0:05:58 | |
because it was also the day William the Conqueror was crowned King. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:02 | |
Let's go over to our royal correspondent, | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
who's outside the original Westminster Abbey. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:07 | |
We're about to witness the coronation of | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
England's first-ever Norman King, William the Conqueror. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:14 | |
So, as one of the new King's guards, | 0:06:14 | 0:06:16 | |
what is the mood amongst the Norman soldiers? | 0:06:16 | 0:06:20 | |
Well, it is quite tense, because nobody knows | 0:06:20 | 0:06:23 | |
how the crowd will react to William the Conqueror. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:26 | |
Why's that? | 0:06:26 | 0:06:27 | |
Well, because he came to power here by killing lots of English people. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:31 | |
The clue is in the name - Conqueror. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
I knew that. I knew that. Ah! And there he is! | 0:06:34 | 0:06:37 | |
Let's see if we can grab a few words. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:40 | |
Your soon-to-be Majesty, erm, | 0:06:40 | 0:06:43 | |
how are you feeling on this most historic day? | 0:06:43 | 0:06:47 | |
HE SPEAKS FRENCH | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
For those of you who are not fluent in French, | 0:06:53 | 0:06:57 | |
he just said... something in French. | 0:06:57 | 0:07:00 | |
Ah! And here's the Archbishop of York. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:03 | |
By the power vested in me, | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
I hereby crown you, William of Normandy, King of England. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:14 | |
Pardon? | 0:07:16 | 0:07:17 | |
You, King! | 0:07:19 | 0:07:20 | |
Ah, oui, la monarchie! Tres bien! | 0:07:20 | 0:07:23 | |
Vive le Roi! | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
Pardon - long live the King! | 0:07:26 | 0:07:29 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:07:29 | 0:07:30 | |
A fantastic reception there. The King has got to be pleased with that. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:34 | |
No? | 0:07:34 | 0:07:35 | |
Oh, it seems that the new King's guards have mistaken the cheering for | 0:07:40 | 0:07:45 | |
the start of a riot, which they are now | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
trying to crush, using William's favourite method - extreme violence. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:52 | |
Sur les yeux! Sur les yeux! | 0:07:52 | 0:07:53 | |
And not content with killing and chasing the locals, | 0:07:53 | 0:07:56 | |
they're also now burning some buildings. | 0:07:56 | 0:08:00 | |
Well, what a day it's been here in London. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:04 | |
We've said hello to a new King and goodbye to | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
hundreds of innocent people and most of Westminster Abbey. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:11 | |
So, it's goodbye from me, and more importantly, merry Christmas. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:15 | |
Ho ho ho! Now, you wouldn't fancy finding | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
these Saxon presents in your stocking. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
Happy Christmas, everyone. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:29 | |
-BOTH: -Happy Christmas! | 0:08:29 | 0:08:30 | |
-Christopher, merry Christmas! -Oh, thank you! | 0:08:30 | 0:08:34 | |
"To Christopher, from Mildred and the guys!" Thanks, guys. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:38 | |
Is it...? Hey! | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
Ah, horse poo, excellent! | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
Now I can mix this up with some clay and mould some new dinner plates. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:46 | |
I need some new ones. | 0:08:46 | 0:08:47 | |
Thank you so much. Thank you. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
And here's a little gift for you, Mildred. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:52 | |
Oh, thank you. You shouldn't have! | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
Oh! | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
Oh, it's pig poo! | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
That's excellent. Thank you so much, John. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
I've been meaning to re-plaster our walls - | 0:09:03 | 0:09:05 | |
-this stuff's the best thing for it. -Jed. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:09 | |
Ah, thanks. Look at that! | 0:09:09 | 0:09:12 | |
Chicken poo! | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
This is perfect for making leather clothes. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
I'm going to let it go really stinky, | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
then put my cow skins in there and clean them before tanning. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
John. I wouldn't leave you out! | 0:09:28 | 0:09:31 | |
What's this?! | 0:09:31 | 0:09:33 | |
-Oh! Oh! -It's perfume. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:37 | |
-It makes you smell nice. -It stinks! | 0:09:37 | 0:09:41 | |
That's right. In Saxon times, | 0:09:43 | 0:09:44 | |
lords often gave animal poo to their peasants at Christmas. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:48 | |
Dread to think what you got if you'd been bad! | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
That may be true, but the carol you know | 0:09:50 | 0:09:53 | |
about King Wenceslas is not quite so accurate. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:56 | |
For me, there's only one thing | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
that really makes Christmas feel like Christmas. | 0:11:03 | 0:11:07 | |
Persecuting Catholics! | 0:11:07 | 0:11:09 | |
Ha ha ha! | 0:11:09 | 0:11:11 | |
But when I'm tired of that, | 0:11:11 | 0:11:12 | |
I like nothing more than tucking into one of these. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:16 | |
Mr Tudor's Mince Pies are made from a traditional recipe of fruits, nuts, | 0:11:20 | 0:11:25 | |
spices and mincemeat - | 0:11:25 | 0:11:28 | |
specifically, the mincemeat of chicken, | 0:11:28 | 0:11:30 | |
hare, rabbit, pheasant, | 0:11:30 | 0:11:34 | |
ox's tongue, liver - pretty much anything you can think of. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:39 | |
-What about turkey? -Turkey?! | 0:11:39 | 0:11:40 | |
At Christmas?! Absolutely ridiculous! | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
I get through more of them than I do wives! | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
Of course I do - I only had six wives! | 0:11:49 | 0:11:52 | |
I've had about 150 of these today! | 0:11:52 | 0:11:54 | |
STOMACH GURGLES | 0:11:54 | 0:11:56 | |
Ooh, bit of heartburn! | 0:11:56 | 0:11:57 | |
That Henry VIII needs to watch his waistline. He's waisting away! | 0:11:57 | 0:12:01 | |
And his beard's not up to much, either. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:04 | |
Those Tudors - they really did eat a lot of meat at Christmas. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:09 | |
Welcome to a Christmas edition of Historical MasterChef. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:14 | |
We're looking for a really good plate of food... | 0:12:14 | 0:12:18 | |
..on a plate. | 0:12:18 | 0:12:20 | |
What? | 0:12:20 | 0:12:22 | |
I've got a sweet tooth! | 0:12:22 | 0:12:24 | |
Ed is a trainee chef at Hampton Court, where, | 0:12:26 | 0:12:29 | |
with 200 colleagues, he prepares meals for Henry VIII. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:32 | |
What are you going to cook for us today? | 0:12:32 | 0:12:34 | |
I thought a traditional Christmas feast. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:37 | |
-That's an awful lot of meat. -Yes, I'm going to add some spices | 0:12:37 | 0:12:41 | |
and some oatmeal and then stuff all the meat into a pig's gut | 0:12:41 | 0:12:45 | |
to make a Christmas pud-pud. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:46 | |
-Pudding? -Did someone say pudding?! | 0:12:46 | 0:12:49 | |
But his pudding is made of meat. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
Phwoar! Now you're talking! | 0:12:51 | 0:12:55 | |
OK, cooks, you have ten minutes remaining. | 0:12:57 | 0:13:01 | |
Whoa, naked man in the kitchen! | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
Whoa! What are you doing?! | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
When the kitchens get hot at Hampton Court, | 0:13:05 | 0:13:08 | |
we always strip off. No biggie. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:09 | |
Mate, sorry, you can't do that. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:11 | |
You really can't do that. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:13 | |
I'm just having a quick leak. We do it all the time at Hampton Court. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:17 | |
Saves time and cools the place down. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
The only leak that should be in a kitchen... | 0:13:19 | 0:13:22 | |
-..is one like this. -That's a swede. | 0:13:22 | 0:13:25 | |
I know. I used to be a greengrocer. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:28 | |
With time running out, | 0:13:28 | 0:13:29 | |
Tudor chef Ed is starting to feel the pressure. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:33 | |
Ed, Ed, Ed. Slow down. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
You've just sewn a pig's snout onto a chicken's backside. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:39 | |
No, no. I meant to do that. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
Another Tudor speciality. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
It's called a cockatrice. Usually you'd sew half the pig | 0:13:43 | 0:13:47 | |
onto a half a cockerel, | 0:13:47 | 0:13:48 | |
but I'm pushed for space, | 0:13:48 | 0:13:50 | |
so I've sewn a pig's snout onto a chicken's backside. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:52 | |
Cockatrice? Looks more like a Franken-swine to me! Ha ha ha! | 0:13:52 | 0:13:56 | |
Mate, how much sugar have you had? | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
A lot. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:01 | |
To complement his impressive cockatrice, | 0:14:01 | 0:14:04 | |
Ed has served up another seasonal Tudor delicacy - humble pie. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:09 | |
Oh, that is awful! | 0:14:09 | 0:14:10 | |
It's actually pronounced "offal". | 0:14:10 | 0:14:13 | |
It's the guts of a deer, and the spleen and the lungs and the liver. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:17 | |
HE RETCHES | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
Ed, your cockatrice is an affront to nature. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:26 | |
Your humble pie made Gregg vomit. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
Your Christmas pudding is little more than a pig's gut | 0:14:29 | 0:14:32 | |
stuffed with meat. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:34 | |
However, because it has the word "pudding" in it, | 0:14:34 | 0:14:37 | |
Gregg has insisted that we crown you champion. | 0:14:37 | 0:14:40 | |
Congratulations, mate. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
Well, I have got a sweet tooth! Cor! | 0:14:43 | 0:14:46 | |
The answer is...false. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
Sugar buildings, ships and even sugar joints of meat were a way of | 0:14:56 | 0:15:00 | |
impressing guests, because it was such an expensive ingredient. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:03 | |
Queen Elizabeth was particularly fond of eating sugar sculptures, | 0:15:03 | 0:15:07 | |
and she wasn't easy to please. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:09 | |
Happy Christmas, Your Majesty. | 0:15:09 | 0:15:11 | |
A ring. Why, thank you, Cecil. Have this put with all the other presents | 0:15:13 | 0:15:17 | |
I don't like and never use. | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
-Yes, Your Majesty. -Lord Robert Dudley. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
Lord Dudley. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
May your yuletide merriment know no bounds, Your Majesty. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:28 | |
Oh, a present! | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
-Whatever could it be?! -What does one get the Queen who has everything? | 0:15:31 | 0:15:36 | |
Why, something that nobody has. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:40 | |
How did this tiny clock get stuck in this bangle? | 0:15:41 | 0:15:44 | |
'Tis a wrist clock, Your Majesty - the first of its kind. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:48 | |
With your permission... | 0:15:48 | 0:15:51 | |
Now, when there is no clock around, | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
you can tell the time with a simple look to your wrist. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:02 | |
Oh! Why, this is far and away my favourite present ever! | 0:16:02 | 0:16:07 | |
Isn't it marvellous, Cecil? | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
Yes, Your Majesty. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:11 | |
Let us drink to this new invention. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
To the wrist clock! | 0:16:17 | 0:16:18 | |
The wrist clock! | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
Oh, dear me - there seems to be no clock here in the throne room, | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
and I need to know the time. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:26 | |
Oh, would you happen to know what time it is, Your Majesty? | 0:16:26 | 0:16:32 | |
Oh! Why, it is... | 0:16:32 | 0:16:35 | |
Oh dear, Lord Dudley. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:40 | |
There appears to be a serious design flaw with your wrist clock! | 0:16:40 | 0:16:46 | |
Indeed, Your Majesty. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
Ho ho ho! | 0:16:58 | 0:17:00 | |
Not everyone was as jolly as me at Christmas. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:03 | |
In Stuart, times they did away with kings and queens, | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
and the country was run by the miserable Puritan Oliver Cromwell - | 0:17:06 | 0:17:10 | |
and it wouldn't be much fun going round to his on Christmas Day! | 0:17:10 | 0:17:14 | |
# On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me... # | 0:17:15 | 0:17:18 | |
Cousin Olly! Merry Christmas, old bean! | 0:17:18 | 0:17:21 | |
Oh, relatives. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:23 | |
How did you get past the guards? | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
We thought we'd pop by to wish you a very merry Christmas. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
I'm a Puritan, I don't celebrate Christmas. I have had it banned. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:31 | |
Well, you won't say no to a spot of Christmas dinner, will you?! | 0:17:31 | 0:17:36 | |
-We brought you a goose! -Guards! | 0:17:36 | 0:17:38 | |
-What are you doing? -Christmas dinner is banned. It's sinful. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:41 | |
I've ordered the army to confiscate all roast geese. Guards! | 0:17:41 | 0:17:45 | |
Whoa, whoa, we'll lose the goose. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:47 | |
We'll loose the goose. It's fine. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:50 | |
Why don't we go to the pub or something? | 0:17:50 | 0:17:52 | |
-Guards! -What now? -Pubs are banned - they are sinful. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:56 | |
Fine - why don't we go to the theatre? | 0:17:56 | 0:17:58 | |
-Guards! -Let me guess - banned? -Yes. It's sinful. | 0:17:58 | 0:18:02 | |
All right, why don't we all go and have | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
-a festive kickabout in the park? -Guards! | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
-Oh, you can't ban sport... -Sinful! | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
You have to understand these frivolous events distract | 0:18:09 | 0:18:13 | |
us Puritans from our devotion to Christ. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:16 | |
We have to do something - Lucy's all made up. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:18 | |
With make-up? | 0:18:18 | 0:18:21 | |
Yes. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:22 | |
-Guards! -Oh, come on! | 0:18:22 | 0:18:25 | |
-Make-up is sinful. Especially that eye shadow with that top. -What?! | 0:18:25 | 0:18:29 | |
-Nothing. -Wait a minute. I've got it. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:31 | |
Why don't we all go to church? | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
-I mean, church isn't sinful, is it? -No, of course not. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:36 | |
Well then, let's all go to church. | 0:18:36 | 0:18:38 | |
Guard! Seize them! | 0:18:38 | 0:18:40 | |
It's against the law to go to church on Christmas Day. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:43 | |
Take these sinners to prison! | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
-But... -What?! -Wait! | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
Yes? | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
Happy Christmas. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:52 | |
-Oh! -Now lock them up and throw away the key! | 0:18:52 | 0:18:55 | |
Yes, life wasn't much fun under Cromwell. | 0:18:56 | 0:18:59 | |
So people wanted their monarchy back, | 0:18:59 | 0:19:01 | |
and everything was much jollier under Charles II. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:04 | |
But what with the plague and the Great Fire of London, | 0:19:04 | 0:19:07 | |
it wasn't all plain sailing. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
Hello, lovely people of Britain. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
Happy Chrimbo. Now, I know when I did my speech this time last year, | 0:19:41 | 0:19:45 | |
everyone was on a bit of a downer about the whole plague thingy. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:49 | |
Dead bodies everywhere, no more parties. Dreadful business. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:54 | |
Well, this year, the good news is, there's no more plague! Huzzah! | 0:19:54 | 0:19:59 | |
The bad news is, there's no more London. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
Blasted great big fire just about burned the whole city down. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:06 | |
At least this year you won't have to worry | 0:20:06 | 0:20:08 | |
if the Christmas goose is properly cooked. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:11 | |
Mmm! Nom nom nom! | 0:20:11 | 0:20:12 | |
Marvellous. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:13 | |
Well, let's hope that 1667 is an altogether better year for everyone. | 0:20:13 | 0:20:19 | |
Touch wood! Oh, that's still hot! | 0:20:19 | 0:20:22 | |
Happy Christmas, all. Party on! | 0:20:22 | 0:20:25 | |
Are you sure the fire's completely out? | 0:20:27 | 0:20:30 | |
Victorian prisons were cruel and brutal places. | 0:20:35 | 0:20:39 | |
Although things were a bit different at Christmas. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:42 | |
Get on with it, you criminal scum! | 0:20:44 | 0:20:47 | |
Pick it up, you horrible little worm! | 0:20:47 | 0:20:50 | |
First of all, you will move these cannonballs | 0:20:50 | 0:20:52 | |
from there to here for no reason whatsoever! | 0:20:52 | 0:20:55 | |
Then, you will turn that heavy crank around and around, because I say so! | 0:20:55 | 0:21:00 | |
BELL CHIMES | 0:21:00 | 0:21:02 | |
# We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas | 0:21:03 | 0:21:08 | |
# We wish you a merry Christmas, number 3102. # | 0:21:08 | 0:21:12 | |
What's going on? | 0:21:12 | 0:21:14 | |
It's Christmas lunch. Time to stop the merciless punishment, | 0:21:14 | 0:21:17 | |
the beatings and pointless ritual humiliations, | 0:21:17 | 0:21:21 | |
-and be nice to you for the rest of the day. -There's a catch. | 0:21:21 | 0:21:24 | |
No catch. Come on. You don't want your Christmas dinner getting cold. | 0:21:24 | 0:21:28 | |
Is this what you do every year? | 0:21:28 | 0:21:30 | |
One minute you're beating prisoners senseless | 0:21:30 | 0:21:33 | |
and the next you're serving them a slap-up feast? | 0:21:33 | 0:21:36 | |
The magic of Christmas in a Victorian prison. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
In fact, me and the lads, we had a little whip round. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:42 | |
I know you did, I've got the scars. | 0:21:42 | 0:21:44 | |
No, I mean we all clubbed together. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:47 | |
Yeah, on my head. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:48 | |
Do you want this present? | 0:21:48 | 0:21:49 | |
-It's a watch. -Aye, I know it is a bit over the top. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:56 | |
We're only supposed to give you lunch. | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
But I think can I speak for all the lads when I say, well, | 0:21:58 | 0:22:02 | |
you are our favourite prisoner. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:04 | |
Wow! | 0:22:04 | 0:22:06 | |
-I'm touched. -No! | 0:22:06 | 0:22:08 | |
-Happy Christmas. -Hang on a minute. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:11 | |
That says two minutes to one. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:14 | |
-That prison clock's running fast again. -That doesn't matter, does it? | 0:22:14 | 0:22:18 | |
Well, of course it matters. It's not lunchtime yet. | 0:22:18 | 0:22:21 | |
Now, get cranking that wheel, you wretched lowlife! | 0:22:21 | 0:22:24 | |
Ow! | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
Oh well, I guess it's better than eating sprouts. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:33 | |
Oh, that hurt! | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
There's only one sensible thing to do with sprouts. | 0:22:36 | 0:22:38 | |
Hang them on your Christmas tree. Nice. | 0:22:38 | 0:22:41 | |
Christmas trees haven't always been around. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:44 | |
In fact, here's where they're from. | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
It wasn't just Christmas trees | 0:23:50 | 0:23:52 | |
that first became popular in Victorian times. | 0:23:52 | 0:23:55 | |
1843 saw the first-ever commercial Christmas card. | 0:23:55 | 0:23:59 | |
Though Victorian cards were a little strange. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:03 | |
At Victorian Weird Cards, you can send a weird Victorian card | 0:24:05 | 0:24:10 | |
directly to your loved ones this Christmas. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:13 | |
Choose from all the latest Victorian Christmas card designs. | 0:24:13 | 0:24:17 | |
Clown attacking a policeman with a red-hot poker! | 0:24:17 | 0:24:20 | |
Child being stung by a giant wasp! | 0:24:20 | 0:24:23 | |
And my personal favourite - children at their parents' funeral! | 0:24:23 | 0:24:28 | |
Or if you're looking for something a little less traditional, | 0:24:31 | 0:24:35 | |
why not try our gift-card range? | 0:24:35 | 0:24:37 | |
Including, slice-of-bacon card! | 0:24:37 | 0:24:39 | |
Yes, that's actual bacon. Extracted-tooth card! | 0:24:39 | 0:24:42 | |
Yes, that's a real human tooth. | 0:24:42 | 0:24:45 | |
Or, dead-mouse card! | 0:24:45 | 0:24:47 | |
Well, you get the picture. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:49 | |
And order now, and we'll send your card by new penny post | 0:24:51 | 0:24:55 | |
for just a penny. | 0:24:55 | 0:24:56 | |
Penny post for just a penny - wow! | 0:24:56 | 0:24:59 | |
And all of our weird cards can be personalised | 0:24:59 | 0:25:02 | |
with your own message at no extra cost. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:05 | |
"Dearest Auntie, sorry the card is so weird, | 0:25:05 | 0:25:10 | |
"but they're the only ones you can get. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:15 | |
"Hope you like the bacon." | 0:25:16 | 0:25:20 | |
Victorian Weird Cards. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:22 | |
Get them while they're still weird. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
Have we finished? | 0:25:27 | 0:25:29 | |
Can I eat that? | 0:25:29 | 0:25:31 | |
Now, I bet you think nothing Christmassy ever happened | 0:25:34 | 0:25:37 | |
in the trenches of World War I. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:39 | |
Well, you would be wrong, because on Christmas Day 1914, | 0:25:39 | 0:25:43 | |
the British and German troops who were fighting each other | 0:25:43 | 0:25:46 | |
held an informal truce, climbed out of their freezing trenches | 0:25:46 | 0:25:50 | |
and played a game of football. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:52 | |
Amazing. Imagine that. | 0:25:52 | 0:25:55 | |
I'm imagining it now! | 0:25:55 | 0:25:57 | |
Well, you join us here in the final stages of | 0:26:00 | 0:26:02 | |
this most unusual England versus Germany friendly. | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
It looks like Britain are mounting another attack, Steve. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:09 | |
Usually it would be with guns and bayonets, but not today. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:12 | |
Jenkins has got through. A magnificent ball. | 0:26:12 | 0:26:14 | |
There's nothing between him and the goal, | 0:26:14 | 0:26:17 | |
except a couple of unexploded bombs and some barbed wire. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:20 | |
Shoot! Shoot! | 0:26:20 | 0:26:22 | |
Poor choice of words. | 0:26:22 | 0:26:24 | |
Good point. Kick, kick. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:27 | |
And Britain have scored. That levels the match at 2-2. | 0:26:27 | 0:26:31 | |
I have to say, the pitch is in a shocking condition. | 0:26:31 | 0:26:34 | |
Absolutely, Steve. | 0:26:34 | 0:26:36 | |
It's not a pitch - it's a battlefield. | 0:26:36 | 0:26:39 | |
The players are playing upon no-man's land - | 0:26:39 | 0:26:41 | |
which is the area of ground between the two enemy trenches. | 0:26:41 | 0:26:44 | |
And it looks like one of British subs is | 0:26:44 | 0:26:47 | |
warming up on touchline there. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:49 | |
He's actually got lice from living in the trenches. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:52 | |
And Germany back in possession. | 0:26:52 | 0:26:55 | |
This would be the winning goal here. | 0:26:55 | 0:26:58 | |
Over here, Herman. On my head, on my head. | 0:26:58 | 0:27:00 | |
Oh! Sorry, guys. | 0:27:04 | 0:27:06 | |
I probably should have taken my helmet off. | 0:27:06 | 0:27:09 | |
WHISTLE BLOWS | 0:27:09 | 0:27:11 | |
They think it's all over. It is now. | 0:27:11 | 0:27:14 | |
Not the war, but the football game. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
Great game, mate. | 0:27:16 | 0:27:18 | |
Ja, ja, you want to change the shirts? | 0:27:18 | 0:27:20 | |
Oh, might not be such a good idea under the circumstances. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:24 | |
Ja! You funny guy! | 0:27:24 | 0:27:26 | |
You're all right, mate. Happy Christmas. | 0:27:26 | 0:27:29 | |
You OK too, chum. Happy Christmas. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:32 | |
Touching scenes there. | 0:27:32 | 0:27:34 | |
It's hard to know how these troops are going to go back to | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
trying to kill each other tomorrow. | 0:27:37 | 0:27:39 | |
-Maybe they won't, Steve. Maybe they won't. -Merry Christmas. | 0:27:39 | 0:27:46 | |
Want to travel through the time sewers with me? | 0:27:50 | 0:27:53 | |
Then play Horrible Histories Terrible Treasures. | 0:27:53 | 0:27:55 | |
Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories. | 0:27:55 | 0:27:59 | |
# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. # | 0:28:01 | 0:28:04 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:28:04 | 0:28:06 |