Mike The Dumping Ground: I'm...


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Mike

Dumping Ground characters gather to watch videos made by Ashdene Ridge residents about their lives there. This time it is Mike's turn.


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MIKE: Attention, the My Life In Care videos are about to receive their

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world premiere in the TV room.

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Don't miss these personal takes on what life is really like in

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Ashdene Ridge.

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And this time, it's me!

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You have been warned.

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Right, you guys, are you ready for this?

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Any laughing and it'll be double chores.

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I mean it.

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'Hello. I'm Michael Milligan,

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'lead care worker at Ashdene Ridge.

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'But you kids know that already, so...

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'Everyone else here seems to have had their say about our home.

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'So I'm going to tell you how it really is,

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'from the man who sees everything.'

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So, girls, what do you think?

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-Top quality, eh?

-You could be in Lord of the Rings.

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As a hobbit.

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'So what am I like?

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'Depends on who you ask.

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'Some might say I'm handsome, a work of art.'

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Guess what this is?

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-A hippo?

-BOTH:

-It's Mike.

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'To others, I'm wily and clever.'

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You've called your snake Mike?

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Isn't that going to get a little bit confusing?

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-Mike's just done a poo.

-THEY LAUGH

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'A snake? Really, guys?

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'I mean, would it be too much to be compared to animal that gets some

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'respect, like a lion, or an eagle, or, uh...'

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We thought long and hard about who we were going to name him after.

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'I think you know what's coming by now.'

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-We decided to call him...

-ALL:

-Mike!

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LAUGHTER

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'I would like to take this opportunity to announce a new rule

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'in the house. As and from today,

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'no naming of animals after anyone

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'with a name beginning with M.'

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How about May-Li?

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Oh. There's an exception to every rule.

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LAUGHTER

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'In fact, no more animals, full stop.

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'Got that? I've got my hands full keeping you lot fed and watered.'

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All right, troops. Let's saddle up!

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Let them eat cake, then. Goodnight.

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And if you require any room service,

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please feel free to call the desk.

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But if you do get into trouble,

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my door is always open,

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even if some of yours aren't.

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Mo?!

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Lily, please come out.

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'So what's my thing?

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'What is it that makes me so much fun to live with?

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'That keeps Ashdene Ridge running so smoothly?

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'Well, I'm good with money.'

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-SHE SCOFFS

-Yeah, tight more like.

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Oi, shush.

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'Especially when, by spending less, we can help save the planet.'

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The council's giving an award for the greenest children's home.

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So what does the greenest children's home have to do?

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All the basic stuff.

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You know, like reducing waste.

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But I want us to take this to another level.

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-Upcycling.

-See, told you - tight.

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Fly swatter.

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SCATTERED LAUGHTER

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A funky earring.

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A chest wig. LAUGHTER

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That is so embarrassing.

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So the upcycling challenge is on.

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Old junk, new function. Impress me.

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'It's amazing how many of you cared about the planet...

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'and the upcycling prize that was on offer.'

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Yes! The Leaning Tower of Pizza.

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GLASS SMASHES

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Stop! What's going on?

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-Where did you find this?

-The skip down the road.

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'Never has the house rallied around a cause more than on that day.'

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All of you are joint winners.

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-THEY GROAN

-Mike, that's a cop out.

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Yeah, I know, here you go.

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What is it?

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-A potato clock?

-Are we the greenest children's home?

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As long as we're the happiest...

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that suits me.

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Oh, you cringe...

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'A selfless display of concern for the planet we all call home.

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'I was so proud of each and every one of you.

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'Well, almost all of you.'

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Oh, no, no, you've upcycled my best vintage shirt!

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-LAUGHTER

-It looks way better on Finn.

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I bought that in 1988 in a beach shack in Jamaica.

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HE GROANS

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-Oh, I thought it smelled a bit.

-Oi!

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Right, that's it - no more upcycling. Right?

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From now on, it's banned.

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THEY CHEER

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Give me back my shirt!

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'OK, so there's more to being green than upcycling.

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'It's all about making what we have

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go a long way here at Ashdene Ridge,

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'which is where my DIY skills come in handy.'

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Which lucky lads are going to help me clear out the garage, eh?

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No, no, no! HE GRUNTS

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TAP SQUEAKS

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LOUD RUMBLING

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'And although I am a world expert on DIY,

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'you will never catch me doing electrics on my own. No way.

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'There's one thing I will never compromise on, and that's

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'health and safety.'

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Can anybody else smell smoke?

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It must be the barbecue.

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But I haven't lit it yet.

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MIKE GROANS

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I can't believe you did something so utterly idiotic and dangerous.

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-Step off the trampoline now, please. Come on, off you come.

-What?

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Look at the rust, it's lethal. Come on.

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-MAY-LI:

-Sorry, kids. It might look safe to you,

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but we just can't risk it.

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'That's another one of my things -

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'the effortless respect of all the young people in my care.'

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JAUNTY MUSIC

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'It's typical that it was at this moment the council decided to call

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'a snap health and safety inspection.

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'If only the inspectors had come on a normal day.

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'Sadly, there are no normal days at Ashdene Ridge.'

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Thank you so much for coming.

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This is Billy.

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Poor Billy - he's had a fatal accident,

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unfortunately, so he can't do any bouncing.

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He tripped over our massive, hairy dog and fell all the way

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down the stairs.

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Kids, let me introduce the health and safety inspector.

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'Luckily, Finn's leg looked a lot worse than it was.'

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It's not the first time you made a meal out of an injury, is it, Finn?

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It really hurt.

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'Something really serious happening to one of you lot is probably one of

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'my worst fears. And, believe me,

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'I know how fragile life can be.'

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-HE GROANS

-Are you OK?

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Yeah.

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'Even though I put a brave face on it,

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'some of you guessed something was up.'

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Look...I'm fine. All right?

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Whatever it is, you can tell us.

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All right. I-I didn't want you guys to...

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-HE YELPS

-Mike!

-Whoa!

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'But you know me - I'm never one to make a fuss. It's not my thing.'

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Um...

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What did the doctor say?

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Turns out...I've got a kidney stone.

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A kidney stone? That's nothing.

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THEY LAUGH Oi.

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Stop sniggering at the front.

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And at the back. May-Li?!

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'You'll be pleased to hear I pulled through in the end.

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I'm going to be just fine.

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THEY CHEER

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HE GROANS Oh, careful, it hurts!

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'That was a bad day...for a bit.

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'But it was nothing compared to the day when I thought I was going to

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'have to leave Ashdene Ridge forever.'

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What are you looking for?

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Oh, Carmen's file. I could see how busy you are,

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I thought I'd update it.

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-Where is it?

-It's in my car.

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-It's in your car?

-Yeah.

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Mike, those files aren't allowed outside the house.

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'I'd taken Carmen's personal file home to work on.

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'Having it stolen was a massive professional breach of conduct.

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'Worst of all, I'd let Carmen down.'

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I want to report Mike.

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It was my file that got stolen in the car,

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and now it's gone!

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You're going to need to speak to head office.

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'What happened next was inevitable.

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'I was suspended.'

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So you're leaving?

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For the time being, yes.

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'Leaving Ashdene Ridge like that was the worst day of my life.

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'But I'd lost the files and that was that.

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'I would accept whatever the disciplinary board decided.

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'Luckily for me,

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'there were some of you who didn't give up so easily.'

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Look at this. Carmen.

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That's MY file. What's it doing over here?

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Mike was sure it was in the car.

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But if it was here all along, Mike's done nothing wrong.

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Come on!

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'If you do wrong in life,

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'there are consequences, I know that.

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'But I learned something else that day -

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'I'm lucky enough to have people in my life who will look out for me.'

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What on earth?

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Guys! Guys, what are you doing?!

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-You've got to see this.

-No.

-It's the file that Mike thought was stolen

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from his car. It's been at the office back at the care home.

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We've only just found it.

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'It's amazing how Carmen's file turned up like that.'

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Y-You mean I can keep my job?

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THEY CHEER

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'That day showed me what Ashdene Ridge is all about.

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'It's more than a care home to me,

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'it's family.

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You are...

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my family.

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Got a minute, Mike?

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Um, do you have a clean hanky?

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Mike, stop footering.

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So I said I'd talk to you cos I know you so much better than she does.

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First date, eh? Don't worry, they're going to love you.

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This is your allowance.

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You're very good at explaining things.

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Hey!

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Johnny, no. Johnny, no.

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Can't you see what he's doing?

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-As per usual.

-'Oh, yeah, people shouting at each other.

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'I'd only just got on to family.'

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Tyler, stop!

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Tyler!

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With family, you can't have the ups without the downs.

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And even I, a paragon of self-control,

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sometimes, occasionally, get angry.

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Mad, even.

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You do not want me even angrier than I am now.

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Some of us have to keep this place running!

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I don't suppose you ever think about that, do you?

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This house, i-it's built on trust.

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You are so busted, young lady.

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And whoever is responsible has precisely

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five minutes to own up or you are all grounded.

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-All of us?

-And chores are doubled.

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-But that's not fair.

-Trebled.

-Mike.

-Quadrupled.

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We're not done here.

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Stop pretending to care.

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It's embarrassing.

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We do care.

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You are paid to care.

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Sasha!

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Despite what some people think,

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this is much more than just a job.

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Some of the best days we have here

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are when new residents come to stay.

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Hello, girls.

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Hey, Chloe.

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I'm Mike. Mike Milligan.

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This is going to be your very own room.

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Meeting a young person for the first time,

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finding out what makes them tick, I love it.

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It's the goings I find harder.

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Goodnight...for the last time, Michael Milligan.

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Goodnight for the last time, Gus Carmichael.

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'No matter how many times you say goodbye,

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'it never gets any easier.

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'But I've found ways of dealing with it over the years.'

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It's Tracy.

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Yeah. Lily, Luke,

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Liam and Frank.

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And all of the other kids who've been in my care down the years.

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Some of whom have got kids of their own now.

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For me, each goodbye is a new beginning.

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Got you something. MIKE LAUGHS

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There's an old Irish blessing -

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"May the windows be at your back,

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"and may the sun always shine warm upon your face...

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"..and may you never lose your keys."

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That's so you don't lose your very own house keys.

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-And for good luck.

-Thank you.

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Come on. Come here.

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THEY SOB

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I'm really going to miss you two.

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I'm going to miss you, too.

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Go on away, the pair of you, before I start blubbing like a baby.

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So when you've all left Ashdene Ridge and moved on with your lives,

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where does that leave me?

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The real me?

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Well, some of you have taken it upon yourselves to ensure

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that old Mike Milligan doesn't pop his clogs alone and unloved.

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-What's Sian doing here?

-She's having lunch with you.

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-Hi.

-Hi.

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If I'd known you were coming, I'd have got dressed up.

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I'd just like to state now for the records that,

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grateful as I am for your concern,

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I don't need any help with my love life,

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thank you very much. I'm as smooth as they come.

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That was spectacular.

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I may never eat again.

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That's a shame, cos I was going to ask you out for dinner.

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-I told you he liked you.

-THEY LAUGH

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I mean, come on.

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Who could resist me? I'm a catch, I tell you.

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I can dance, for a start.

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Watch and learn.

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FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS

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Say hello to the boogaloo.

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I'm down with the kids.

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Bit like being back at Glastonbury!

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'Heck, I can even play an instrument.'

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'Rock and roll, baby!

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'If that doesn't turn a not-so-young lady's head, nothing will.

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And that's me, Mike, signing off.

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If you disagree with any of it, put a note in the suggestions box.

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Hey! I think I did a pretty good job, don't you?

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-Camera loves me.

-Uh, Mike?

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Did you forget to switch the camera off?

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MUSIC: Step Back In Time by Kylie Minogue

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THEY GASP AND LAUGH

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-MAY-LI:

-Michael Milligan! Oh, wow.

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Dumping Ground characters gather to watch videos made by Ashdene Ridge residents about their lives there. Featuring a mixture of new scenes and classic moments from The Dumping Ground. This time it's Mike's turn.