We Love Sitcom

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello and welcome to We Love Sitcom.

Tonight, our celebrity guests will be competing in a unique quiz

that celebrates everything we love about British situation comedy.

And what better way to celebrate sitcom,

apart from using the money to make an actual sitcom?

But we're here now, so chin up and let's meet our guests.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Jennifer Saunders and Julia Sawalha.

Steve Mangan and Nina Wadia.

Jessica Hynes and Chris Addison.

And Lee Mack and Nigel Havers.

Hiya! You all right?

Hello! Hiya!

It's already gone mental.

So, over the next hour, we'll be playing

a series of games to test just how much these guys know about

a subject very close to their hearts...

Nazi memorabilia. No...

No, no, sitcom, of course.

Jen, hi. Hiya!

I have a question - how well do you know your sitcoms?

I've watched an awful lot of telly and I know them extremely well. I'm hoping to win.

Fighting talk. Julia, may I ask? Yeah, ditto. I've already won.

You've already won emotionally. We are all winners here!

Let's all agree on that.

Can we not talk from the back row until the front row are finished, please?!

We're struggling to hear. My father's struggling to hear anybody.

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH

Nigel, have you worked together, or...?

Yes, constantly. Yes. Yeah.

Although I feel like we're not working together, we're stuck in traffic. But we are a sitcom...

We are a sitcom already.

In the '70s, we'd be called Chalk and Cheese.

But, in fact, we're called tonight...Mack and Cheese.

I don't want to do that sitcom with you. Don't you?

Steve...

Is this right, you won Celebrity Mastermind?

I did, I did. I won.

And wasn't sitcoms one of your topics?

It was my topic, sitcoms of 1984.

Specifically that? Specifically...

October 1984 sitcoms.

A fairly broad category.

We have been in training for four years for tonight.

And we've watched every sitcom ever made,

not just in this country, but round the world. Yeah.

So, we're ready. Absolutely.

Which reminds me, Nina, you grew up in Hong Kong. Mm-hm.

Is that right? I know all the Chinese sitcoms.

Every single one of them. There's a lot of that coming up tonight.

Yes, there is. They are hilarious. They're brilliant!

Chris and Jessica... Hi, Ben.

I know you two already know each other, don't you?

Yes, we sang a song once. Is that what you're referring to?

I am referring to that.

In fact, I've got photographic evidence of the event.

Yes, that's Karaoke Circus, where we sang Fairytale Of New York.

Fairytale Of New York. Fairytale Of New York. Yeah.

It was the politest version of Fairytale Of New York you've ever heard.

There was no... Do you want to do a bit now? Not really.

Unfortunately, you don't have the licence. Come on!

How does it go again? It goes...

# We were in New York the time when there were all the fairies

# And the...city... # SHE TRAILS OFF

Uh, that one. And...

# The bells are ringing out... # THEY HUM ALONG BADLY

# ..Easter day! #

CHEERING

Sorry, Ben, was that your...impressed face?

Was that your impressed face?

LEE: # ..Won't find out until we grow... #

Oh, hello!

IN SING-SONG VOICES: I got you, Nige. I got you, Lee.

SHE SINGS IN A SHRILL VOICE

What's that? What's that, looking at us?

Are you going to ask for a song? No! Ain't going to happen.

Let's get on with our first game now. Ooh, yes!

Now, we British love to forget all about a hard day in the office,

factory or ministerial department of Her Majesty's Government by

coming home and watching other people having a hard day in

the office, factory or... You're way ahead of me. Which is why our

first round is all about sitcoms that are set in the workplace.

Come on, trust me, you'll feel...

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ho-ho-ho! HE CONTINUES LAUGHING

If TV is about escapism, you wouldn't know it from the

multitude of sitcoms set in mundane, everyday workplaces.

Agh... Agh, agh!

We love them because they make sport of the things that wind us up

about our own jobs.

Those dull training sessions...

the constant banter...

Get off of me. Get off!

..and, of course, the on-message, lexical,

synergy solutions of workplace jargon.

Well, I don't know that I can put it any more...

But nothing shows up more regularly and reliably than the

workplace idiot.

You're not going to believe this! Clint Eastwood has been arrested for a crime he didn't...

Oh, wait, no, it's a film!

You know what they say,

if you look around the room and you can't see the office plonker,

he's probably Sellotaped himself to the stationery cupboard again.

Of course, no workplace can function without respect.

Particularly between the sexes.

This is Geraldine. She's the new vicar.

No, she isn't. She's a woman!

These are such a giveaway, aren't they?

And, at the end of the day, if we can't respect each other,

at least workplace sitcoms remind us

to respect the person that really matters -

the boss.

SHE BLOWS RASPBERRY

Whoo!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Can we have a round of applause for the great David Jason,

our voice of God?

CHEERING

Now, these are all of course jobs

that appear in our best-loved sitcoms.

So each team gets to pick one job from the board and I'll ask them

a question about a related sitcom.

Get a point for each correct answer. OK... Points, points!

Lee and Nigel, you're going to go first. OK.

Please be my guest and pick a job. Can I choose, Nigel?

No, you can choose. I'd like to go for Bus Driver, just so...

I better explain to Nigel what a bus is. Yes...

It's the way poor people travel around. Oh, OK.

It's like a Mercedes but loads of people are on the back. Oh, OK.

The way I got here and the way you didn't. I see.

Should we go for Bus Driver? Let's go for Bus Driver.

Now then, Reg Varney, who played Stan Butler in On The Buses,

was the first person in the world... Was he?! ..to use...

Surely that was Adam!

Imagine that, Reg Varney and Eve.

MIMICS BLAKEY: "You can't eat that apple!"

Reg Varney was the first person in the world to use a what?

I'll give you a clue. It was in 1967.

What do they use on buses?

They use tickets. They use tickets?

Tickets. A ticket machine. To give the ticket out.

OK, I can help you. It was as himself.

Reg Varney, himself, in real life,

was the very first person to use a key piece of technology.

Can you imagine what it was?

A telephone of some sort. 1967?! No, you're right. Erm...

I want to swap sides.

I've got a photo. The photo might reveal it.

Should do, that's how they work. It made the newspapers.

Here he is.

First person to use the "chat up a woman wearing a white hat" routine!

A cash machine. Oh, a cash machine!

It's a cash machine! Very, very good.

Chris and Jessica, would you like to choose a job?

Er, TV Executive.

TV Executive.

So, what sitcom did a BBC script editor say in a memo

was "as dire as its title"?

Fawlty Towers!

Lee has a very unfortunate form of Tourette's.

I can only shout out sitcoms from the '70s and '80s.

Sorry!

Well done. No, you take it, you take it, you have that.

Go on, Jessica.

I mean, I WAS going to say Fawlty Towers, I was going to say...

It was indeed Fawlty Towers. Thank you.

Or Farty Towels, Farty Towels.

Here it is. I thought this one as dire as its title.

A collection of cliches and stock characters which I can't see

being anything but a disaster.

He was right, of course, Fawlty Towers was a disaster

for almost anyone who tried to write anything funny

for the next ten years.

The script editor, of course, went from strength to strength

and is known all over the internet as the man who wrote that memo

about Fawlty Towers and was never heard of again.

Jennifer and Julia, you're next. Would you like to pick a job?

I don't know. Vicar. Oh, yes, vicar. Vicar.

Please let it be. Let it be her.

Come on. I've watched three of those.

Yes, indeed, this question is based

on everyone's favourite white-collar worker,

The Vicar of Dibley's Geraldine Granger.

Geraldine has 15 middle names.

What film are they based on?

You know it, Jen, you know it.

She used to love, as a character,

she used to love...

Yes, she used to love this film.

The Sound Of Music.

Oh, it could have been The Sound Of Music.

Is it a kids' film?

It is a kids' film.

Is it Mary Poppins? Yes.

Fantastic..

Shall we have a look at the clip?

What is your full name?

Come on, it can't be that bad.

Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear.

It was my mum's favourite book.

And the film came out the year I was born.

Very well. Repeat after me.

I, Geraldine Julie Andrews

Dick Van Dyke

Sue...

percalifragilisticexpialidocious...

I, Geraldine... I think you know I haven't finished.

Chim Chiminey Chim Chiminey Chim Chim Cher-ee Granger.

Oh, lovely!

Steve and Nina, would you please choose a job?

Nina, what are we going to do? Spin doctor. Spin doctor.

Spin doctor. TV's most famous spin doctor, Malcolm Tucker,

is famous for his creative use of the English language.

But what word, invented by him, was named Word Of The Year in 2012?

Invented by him?

Is it...? In the workplace?

Is it omnishambles?

He's good. It is indeed omnishambles!

You know, we had a word added in from Goodness Gracious Me.

Really? And what was that?

Chuddies. Kiss my chuddies.

Kiss my chuddies. Yes.

What are your chuddies?

And we'll move on swiftly to our next category, which takes us

everywhere from Ancient Rome to deep space.

No, it's not places where a Jamie's Italian is opening,

it's sitcoms set in a place in time.

Attention.

For years British sitcoms have proven there's no shame in being stuck in the past.

Hi-de-hi!

Ho-de-ho.

And though whatever the decade, century or even millennium,

nothing can change mankind's major preoccupations.

Sex.

Yes.

Dressing up.

Sex.

And dressing up.

The only thing sillier than the costumes are the voices.

I was pissing by the door...

..when I heard two shats.

The heroes and villains on display are an odd bunch.

Here's my fist, kindly run towards it as fast as you can.

But because we're talking about British sitcom,

the good guys tend to be cowards...

Why would anything on this ship need to be so high?

..and the bad guys tend to be Nazis.

Heil, Hitler. Heil, Hitler.

..tler.

Obviously, that's always going to be the case

when you set it in World War II.

# Whistle while you work

# Hitler is a twerp. #

Your name will also go on the list.

What is it?

Don't tell him, Pike.

In this game, I'm going to name four sitcoms set in the past or future

and our teams have to write down the year

in which they think they were set.

Once they've done that, we'll then add up those four numbers...

Yes, it's maths. The person who is nearest to the actual number wins.

Here's your first one. Hi-de-Hi!

What year was Hi-de-Hi! set in?

Look at their concentrating faces.

Is that big enough? That's good.

THEY CONFER

Lee, you were a Bluecoat, weren't you? At Pontins.

I was a Pontins Bluecoat many moons ago, yes.

And I got sacked for swearing on stage.

I can't really tell this story on prime-time BBC One television.

I can only tell you the start of the story. Which is?

There's an old joke that if you say to somebody

in the audience, "Where are you from?" and they say, "Kent,"

you say, "What did you call me?"

LAUGHTER

And I messed it up.

It was a good career stepping stone. It was, yeah.

But, you know, different time, different climate.

Yeah, different days, weren't they? Weren't they, Nigel? Oh, yes.

Next one. What year was Blackadder Goes Forth set in?

I'd say 1944. Yes.

Erm... Don't tell him! Don't tell him, Pike!

Oh! Sorry!

Not sure that's 100% right.

No, it's First World War. 14, 1914. Do you think?

Up Pompeii.

Oh, yeah.

What year was that set? Oh, yeah. OK.

Here's a clue - it was the year Quintus Sertorius

was assassinated by his subordinate, Marcus Perpenna,

who was in turn defeated by Gnaeus Pompeius,

thus ending the Sertorian War in Spain.

Gotcha. Oh, wow. On that basis, I know!

Thank you. You didn't need to go that far.

I'm going to say that.

Sir? Sir? Oh, no. This is a BC answer. Teacher can't help.

Do we have to subtract it from our final sum? Oh, he's good, isn't he?

No, you said add the numbers.

The numbers stay the same, it doesn't matter if they're BC or AD.

That's like a minus number, isn't it? It's a minus number.

If you think it's BC, it would be a minus number in the sum. OK.

We're going to do one more.

This is the final piece of the puzzle. Red Dwarf.

What year was Red Dwarf set in?

OK. Was it actually set in a year?

2080? Let's go 2080.

Nina, you're our Red Dwarf expert. I am.

OK, so you're taking Hi-de-Hi!,

you're adding that to Blackadder Goes Forth,

you're taking away Up Pompeii, and you are adding Red Dwarf.

So what are those two together? Show the working, Jess.

We've got a lot of working. Got a lot of working.

Quite a lot of working. Very good.

2240.

OK, let's see how you all got on. Hi-de-Hi! was set in...

Lee and Nigel, what did you have? We're still doing the maths.

Just give me a minute! This is like when I was at school. Wait!

Just wait. I'll be with you in a minute.

What did you have, Jessica and Chris? 1959.

Jen and Julia have got 1958.

Steve and Nina have got 1962.

Let me tell you now, it was 1959.

Yay!

Blackadder Goes Forth. What did you have, Jen?

Very good. Jessica, good.

Did you just change that, Nigel? No! No.

It's a very suspicious smudge mark!

Am I going to have to ask you to lift the cards?

We've got a much better system than that.

We've written all the years down and we're holding up whatever you say.

Jessica, sit down this instant! She's testing if the ink's wet, sir.

It was dry. What have we got? 17, 16, 18, 17.

It was, in fact, 1917.

APPLAUSE

Yeah. Yeah.

The next one, you have to take away.

This is the year that Up Pompeii! was set.

What do you have, Lee and Nigel?

Oh, good. And minus 62.

100 BC.

40...

We thought that's how you spell BC. Yeah. I think Nina...

I had to point out it's a B and C. 72 BC. Pretty good.

Considering we didn't know at all, quite a good guess.

We're still first. We're still first.

Lastly, Red Dwarf, what did you have for that, Lee?

Let's see your Dwarfs.

1,002,000 AD.

Chris has got three million there.

Steve and Nina?

What's that? 2,240,000,000? Yes.

Two billions. Two billion? You went for two billion?

Red Dwarf was set in the year

3,002,180.

I'm going to have to re-evaluate my final maths answer.

I'm way off! Total those up.

The answer you should have is 3,005,984.

Let me see your final answers, please.

Oh, no. You're kidding. That is unbelievable!

Sir, he's cheating, sir. That is unbelievable.

He's cheating, sir. He is cheating, he is cheating.

I was out with all the answers and they evened themselves up to that.

The thing is, Lee, we know all the numbers that preceded it.

Listen, this audience wouldn't be able to add that up.

Chris and Jessica, what do you have?

There we go. Yours is two billion at least, I know that.

All right, there's that, or there's that.

I think a round of applause is due to Jessica and Chris.

APPLAUSE

Now, sitcoms love an oddball.

And this round is dedicated to the characters that just don't fit in -

A group of people we call the misfits.

Do you know where we are?

Well, I could always call the tower and get our exact position.

Mr Spencer, I don't need our exact position.

We are in the car park.

THEY SCREAM

There is a very special group of people in sitcom

who simply don't seem to get how life works.

They're comedy's loners.

I think we're on a winner here, Trig.

All right, play it nice and cool, son.

Nice and cool, you know what I mean?

For sitcom misfits, every day is a struggle

to prove they're not a danger to themselves...

..or others.

So why do we love them so much?

Maybe it's because we recognise the outsider in ourselves.

Up the nose or not at all!

Or maybe it's because we just like laughing at weirdos.

Eh?

I know I do.

Impressively... I think I'm in the wrong category.

I'm in the category "fit".

Or miss, maybe miss.

But you're a misfit. Well... No, I am a misfit, I suppose.

Yeah, no, I'll go with that. I'll just do anything to be in a clip.

It's autobiographical, right? Absolutely, yeah.

I live with only three walls in my house

and loads of people look at me, laughing.

No, it is fairly autobiographical.

Some of the things that have happened genuinely have happened.

Like, I genuinely am, it turns out, I didn't know this when we cast him,

I am the real son of Bobby Ball.

I always thought it was Tommy Cannon.

You can buzz in. This is open to everyone.

Are your buzzers working?

No. Give us a buzz. BUZZ

There we go.

RINGING Sorry. There we go.

It's very sensitive. There we go.

Ours is just completely dead. Nothing.

RINGING

Let me just explain, it is working. It's just when you...

If somebody presses it, sorry to be a nerd, but if you press it,

then when everybody else presses it, it doesn't work.

It only selects the first person.

So we should just press as soon as you start to ask the question?

If you press now, you've got a chance of...

CLICKING

Chris.

Chris, that's a warning.

CLICKING

No-one would want this job.

OK, here's the question bit. Wait, wait...

What's the... THEY HAMMER BUZZZERS, NONE BUZZ

Oh, my God. After all that!

I've got repetitive injury thing.

It's sitting there saying, "press me".

Rationally now, just... RINGING

That's exactly what you shouldn't do.

We didn't touch anything!

I'm going to invigilate. RINGING

Stop it!

Who's doing it? Who's bloody pressing the buzzer?

It's you, isn't it? I never touched it.

It's not me, cos I've never been able to find the button.

Stop it, all of you.

Is there a light coming on when it's pressed?

Yeah, yeah. Their light comes on. All right, say the question. OK.

I'm going to say the question.

No-one is allowed to press a buzzer until I finish the question.

OK, the buzzers are reset. Sir! Shush. Shush.

But how will we...? No questions! Shush!

Can I just check? Is this still round one?

LAUGHTER

Some of us have got careers to be getting on with,

if you want to get going at any point.

Listen. Which sitcom misfit's surname

started out as White and then was changed to Cabbage and Cauliflower

before they eventually landed on the one we know now?

Nina.

I think it might be Mr Bean.

It was!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

It was indeed. Mr Bean is of course played out entirely in mime,

and I'm going to use that as the basis for my next game.

What I'm going to do is I'm going to invite two teams down here

into the playing area.

You've got to mime as many different sitcom characters as you can.

Lee and Nigel, Jessica and Chris,

you will be going head-to-head in this one.

You'll both have 60 seconds

to communicate as many sitcom characters as you can

to your partner through mime alone.

Whichever team guesses the most wins a point.

Lee and Nigel, you're going to be going first,

so come on down, please. Thank you.

First of all, I guess we have to decide who's going to be...

I guess you look like you're going to be miming. I don't mind.

I thought it was going to spin like a lazy Susan.

OK. OK.

So obviously, Lee, you will be miming. Yes.

Nigel, you will do the guessing.

What we're going to do is we're going to put

the names of the sitcom characters up on this board.

Lee, you mime them to Nigel.

You've got to guess as many as you can within the 60 seconds.

Right. I'll dig deep.

Very deep.

Are you ready? Yeah. Yes. Your 60 seconds begins...now.

Only Fools And Horses.

Only Fools And Horses?! Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Spencer. Spencer.

HE HUMS

Brent. Brent.

Are you all right, Lee?

Little noises. He's not speaking. Mr Bean? Yes!

I only know one of her jokes.

LAUGHTER

Miranda, Miranda, Miranda.

John... Fawlty Towers, John Cleese. Yes!

HE SNORTS

That's good! That's good!

Leonard Rossiter.

He's too old to recognise this talent! Do it again, do it again!

Oh, it's...

Bong! Rik Mayall.

Let's have a round of applause, ladies and gentlemen.

Get off. Get off.

Well done.

Lee and Nigel guessed six correctly.

APPLAUSE

Jessica and Chris, come on down.

OK, so who's miming? I'm miming, dear.

You're miming. So you stand there.

Do we have to do sumo?

There we go. If you'd like to stand here with your back to the board...

There. Chris. I'm not wearing TV shoes, by the way.

If I'd known that the bottom half of my body was going to be on show,

I would have paid a little more attention to my outfit,

so I apologise.

Anyway. At least you're wearing something. Let the torture commence.

Your time begins...now.

Er, Kryten.

Very good, very good.

Is it Windsor Davies in something?

Has anybody got a cat? Mrs Slocombe.

OK. It's Vyvyan, all right.

Is it Mrs Brown?

Del Boy. Yes!

Is it something that Les Dawson was in?

Come on, stop it.

Oh, is it Steptoe? Yes.

Brilliant.

Oh...

Is it...?

I have no idea. Are you having a breakdown?

Wait, let me take... Do it again. Do it again.

Brilliant.

Manuel. Manuel, Manuel.

END-OF-ROUND JINGLE

I'm sorry.

Jessica and Chris, I'm delighted to tell you,

you have won the round with seven points!

Now, Jennifer. Yes?

Is it true that Adrian Edmondson is singing on the Ab Fab theme tune?

Yeah, he is.

He was cheap.

You know, I loved Bad News. Did everyone see that comic strip?

CHEERING

Such a brilliant comic strip. Well, he proved he could sing

and we needed a male voice.

Yeah. But he got to sing it with Julie Driscoll,

with Debbie Harry, with Marianne Faithfull,

so...looks pretty good...

It's not that bad. ..on your CV.

Well, teams, let me introduce you to somebody.

Here is the man behind the theme tunes of loads of sitcoms

including The Thin Blue Line, Blackadder,

The Vicar Of Dibley, Mr Bean, and Red Dwarf.

He is Mr Sitcom Theme Tune.

Would you please welcome Howard Goodall?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Howard. Hi. Lovely to see you. Thank you so much for coming.

May I ask you, what makes a really great sitcom theme tune?

Well, for me, when I'm asked to do it,

it's always about the characters.

Who are these people? What's their music?

That's how I do it. How do you get to do that now?

Because sitcom theme tunes are just getting so short.

I mean, they used to be... When I started, 30 years ago,

you had about 30 seconds at the beginning

and about a minute at the end.

Now you get about ten seconds at the beginning

and someone talks over the end.

So just a little bit of a jingle. You know, like a peepshow...

# Uh-uh-uh, uh-uh! #

That's about all you're allowed, now.

A bastardisation of your art.

So let us bastardise your art even further,

as we ask you to play a medley of sitcom theme tunes.

Teams, as you might have already guessed,

your task is to write down the title of each of the sitcoms

that Howard is about to play the theme tune of.

All right, the team who guesses the most right wins the round, OK?

No way(!) Yeah.

Seriously. Easy!

Wait - who loses the round?

It's pretty out there, but that's what I'm going with.

OK. Wow. Let me write these rules down. Wait.

Howard...

Take it away, Mr Howard Goodall.

APPLAUSE

HE PLAYS MEDLEY OF SITCOM THEMES

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Ladies and gentlemen.

OK. Now, if you'd like to swap your papers with the team next to you.

Can I just say, that was very, very difficult.

It was difficult. Can we hear it again?

We're ready, sir. We're ready to give our papers in.

Swap your paper, Jessica.

It sounded beautiful. It was.

I thought it might be too easy.

Oh...! Oh, my God.

Oh, they've got a good one. It was just like a lot of...piano.

Would you like to hear the answers? Yes, please. Yes.

Has everyone swapped papers? You're not marking your own paper?

No, sir. Is someone going to win a joint of lamb or something?

It's just got that vibe about it.

No, the prize is not a joint of lamb. Moving on.

Howard, what is our first tune? OK, so the first one

was 'Ello 'Ello. Oh!

HE PLAYS THEME TO 'ELLO 'ELLO

OK. And then what did we have?

Then we went into The Vicar Of Dibley.

HE PLAYS THEME TO THE VICAR OF DIBLEY

I should have known that one.

And then we had a tune from a bit further back

in the style of Beethoven.

It was, in fact, What Became Of The Likely Lads?

# Oh, what happened to you?

# Whatever happened to me...?

Then there was an easy one.

HE PLAYS UPBEAT INTRO

It was Blackadder.

Another generational one.

Steptoe and Son.

HE PLAYS THEME TO STEPTOE AND SON

I wonder if anybody got this one?

HE PLAYS FRANTIC TUNE

That's a beautiful tune.

A great tune. Ronnie Hazlehurst.

That was The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin.

Oh...! Oh...!

Now this was a jointy number - a jaunty one!

HE PLAYS JAUNTY INTRO

Anybody get that?

No, it drove me nuts. Damn. What is it?

That was 2.4 Children.

Is that one of yours? That's one of mine.

And the next one, you must have got this one.

HE PLAYS JOLLY TUNE

That was Dad's Army. Yeah. Yes, quite right.

Bit more up-to-date.

HE PLAYS PUNCHY TUNE

Anybody get that?

IT Crowd. Excellent.

Men Behaving Badly.

HE PLAYS THEME TO MEN BEHAVING BADLY

Oh!

And then Frank Spencer, Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em.

HE PLAYS THEME TO SOME MOTHERS DO 'AVE 'EM

And then there was a cheeky little one on the end,

probably the first-ever sitcom theme tune.

HE PLAYS PIANO PHRASE

Hancock's Half Hour. Hancock's Half Hour.

Ladies and gentlemen, Howard Goodall.

APPLAUSE Amazing. Incredible. Extraordinary.

OK. Have you swapped your papers back?

And let's have your scores.

So, Lee and Nigel. Sadly... We got six.

Six. I don't think that's bad at all.

I don't think it's an easy round, by any means.

Jess and Chris, what did you get? Chris, really, you know...

Come on. Tell us.

11. Whoa!

Amazing.

This guy.

No, no...

Jen and Julia.

We got four. Oh!

Not easy, though. Not easy. No.

Steve and Nina.

We got them all right...

..apart from nine of them.

Give them a round of applause.

APPLAUSE

Thank you so much, Howard. What a treat. Thank you.

Howard Goodall, ladies and gentlemen.

Sorry, can I just...? I know one. Yes? I can do one.

Oh, yeah? Come on. Come on. Excellent.

Go on, Lee. Lee Mack!

Not a sitcom, but it's a TV theme.

HE PLAYS A FEW NOTES Just tuning up. Hang on...

Right. Ready?

HE PLAYS INTRO

No, hang on. Hang on. Start again.

HE PLAYS THEME TO DALLAS

HE PLAYS FLAT KEY

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Bravo.

THAT...is talent.

Who said variety was dead?

It is now.

So what was it?

Dallas. Dallas. What do you mean, "What was it?"

A bottomless pit of talent.

Now, for as long as sitcoms have existed,

our next category has been coughing up more comedy gold

than a broken comedy fruit machine.

Don't examine that too closely.

I'm talking, of course, about family.

The family. Everyone's got one,

so while we might not immediately connect with a show set in prison

or space, or a prison in space,

a sitcom set in the heart of the family home

connects directly to us.

The Buck-et residence. The lady of the house speaking?

Ow!

Everybody is represented.

And whether you at home are the embarrassing parent...

Oh, hello, bambinos. No top tonight?

He's boiling. I'm boiling.

Look out crime, here I come!

..the layabout teenager...

Do you always go to bed wearing a crash helmet?

Sorry. I can't hear what you're saying.

I'm wearing a crash helmet.

..or the alcoholic grandparent...

This tastes just like rum and raisin chocolate.

..it'll often feel like you're watching a live feed

from your own living room.

We'll have to get Sky, you know, Barb. Oh, Jim.

We don't watch telly enough to get the value.

Comedy is conflict,

and I'll knock the block off the first man who says otherwise, right?

Oh, give it a rest, you leaf-munching sheep shagger!

But as much as these sitcoms like to represent

a good old-fashioned dust-up around the dinner table,

they also remind us how much we can depend on our nearest and dearest.

Agh...!

Don't you die. Don't you bloody die.

I'm not going to die, you plonker.

I just sat on my bacon sandwich.

They remind us that blood is thicker than water.

Though, saying that, tar is thicker than blood.

Which is why some people prefer cigarettes to children, I suppose.

Families can be... They can be, you know...

Goodnight.

Currently, one of the biggest family sitcoms is Mrs Brown's Boys.

Now, I'm going to let you into a little industry secret.

Mrs Brown from Mrs Brown's Boys

is actually played by a man -

Brendan O'Carroll.

But it got me to thinking -

what would other sitcoms look like if the genders were swapped?

Doesn't bear thinking about. Oh, there we are.

That's Gavin and Stacey with all the genders swapped round. Oh, God.

Is anyone else getting Boy George there from the right?

Oh, dear God...

It's awful, isn't it?

I'm going to show two of our teams pictures of various family sitcoms

with the genders swapped facially.

All they have to do is identify the sitcom.

Jennifer and Julia, you are going to play Steve and Nina.

OK, Jennifer and Julia, this one is for you.

Which sitcom is this?

Well, that's weird because I think that's Julia's face

and it looks like Julian Clary.

It's...

Well, it's The Good Life.

And it's very weird.

That's Lee's face. That is indeed.

That's Julia's face there on the left,

Lee's face on the right,

playing Tom and Barbara, absolutely correct,

from The Good Life.

Give them a round of applause.

APPLAUSE

May we have our next still?

Stephen and Nina, this for you.

That is a sexy photo. Wow.

That is Paul Nicholas. Yeah, is that The Two of Us?

Are you getting Paul Nicholas? I'm getting Noel Edmonds.

I've got to say, Steve, you do scrub up really well. I do.

Who do you think it is, again?

I think it's Just Good Friends.

Absolutely right. Let's take a look.

Just Good Friends.

Jennifer and Julia, this one's for you.

Swapped. That's really creepy.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting...

I'm getting just a bit of David Walliams coming through there.

Gary Numan. It's Gary Numan.

Gary Numan?

Oh, my God. That's weird.

Now, is that...?

Obviously, that's Jen and Nina.

Is it Nicholas Lyndhurst and...? Yes, it is.

So the sitcom is?

Only Fools And Horses. Let's take a look.

Absolutely right.

Well done. Brilliant.

That was creepy. That freaked me out.

Last one. Steve and Nina, obviously, this is for you.

Oh, blimey.

LAUGHTER

I do think he was the best doctor, don't you?

Tom Baker, I think he was a class above.

Obviously, that is Nigel there.

Can anyone tell me who it is on the left? You're right.

That's me, isn't it? That's me on the left.

Yeah. Do you know,

I found that so hard to believe, that's your face, but it is.

It is. It is my face.

Is that you on the left? It's me on the left.

Yeah, it's not me on the right, love. Nigel.

That's Nigel. It is Nigel. Of course, it's Nigel.

Steve and Nina, it's your question.

When Nigel was living under a bridge? Yeah.

Nerys Hughes and...

Yeah, Nerys Hughes.

..and a creature from outer space.

LAUGHTER

Oh, gosh.

What was the sitcom that Nerys Hughes was in?

It's Catweazle.

She was in... She was in The Liver Birds.

Wa-hey! Fantastic!

Give them a round of applause. There we go.

So we've celebrated the stars of our favourite sitcoms,

but what about those bit-part players,

the unsung heroes like this?

THE sofa from The Royle Family.

AUDIENCE GASPS

I thought it was.

This humble piece of furniture has seen more Royle flatulence

than baked-bean night at Buckingham Palace.

Isn't it beautiful?

Recognise this, Jessica? I do, yeah.

I will reveal a selection of unsung heroes from British sitcoms -

people who've played significant roles

yet have taken a back seat.

Let's have our first unsung hero.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello. Hello. Welcome.

May I? Yes, you may.

You'd probably like to take a seat in your condition.

You are pregnant, aren't you? I am pregnant, yes.

It's not just bloating.

Welcome to We Love Sitcom. Thank you.

Obviously, I'm not going to reveal your name, that's up to our teams.

The rules are simple.

They're going to take it in turns to ask you yes or no questions.

Now, teams, if you get a yes, you can ask another question.

If you get a no, it goes over to the next team.

And, obviously, the idea is to guess our unsung hero's identity.

So Lee and Nigel, would you like to go first, please? Yes.

Is this sitcom still on television now?

Um...

I mean, are they still making it? It's repeated.

They're not still making it... They're not still making it.

..but we'll give you a yes for that

because it is pretty much continuously on TV. Right.

Ooh. Yes. Yes.

I'm out of questions already.

LAUGHTER

Is it a period? Is it a period sitcom?

No. OK.

So you could ask, for example, the decade?

Were you a girl in the sitcom? Were you a child?

Yes.

So you were a child in a family?

Yes.

And...

Like being with a psychic, isn't it? LAUGHTER

Were you wearing a hat? I'm seeing a park, no.

Did you have a catchphrase or, like, a punch-line?

Were you famous for a certain kind of type of...?

Can I just say, she wasn't actually old enough to speak in the sitcom.

You're on the right lines. OK. Right.

Were you the back end of the horse in Rentaghost?

No.

Were you...? Were you a babe in arms?

Um...

I'm afraid I'm going to have to go with the no.

We're over to Steve and Nina. I'm being quite strict.

So if we get a yes, we get another question? Yes.

Are you pregnant? Yes.

LAUGHTER

OK. We've got another question, Nina. OK. Use it wisely.

Was this a sitcom made in the...?

I'll be very careful here. ..in the '80s?

No.

Sorry. OK, move on. Jen and Julia.

We're all slightly panicking which way to go now.

Argh!

Now, did the sitcom...

..begin in the early '90s?

No. Oh, crap.

LAUGHTER

OK. Lee and Nigel.

Were you in Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em?

Yes. Yes!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very good, Nigel. Can I just say that Nigel is so posh,

he's the only man in history to ever put the H before "have" on 'ave 'em.

Some mothers do have 'em.

You could have said some mothers do have them.

I could have done. You could have done. I would like to have done.

Are you Jessica? Can you see the men in the moon?

Let me introduce baby Jessica. Yes!

Bravo.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Wow.

Isn't that amazing?

Incredible.

I'll sing you a little song.

We'll wake Mummy up in the bath.

BABY CRIES

Let me sing you a little song about a cat. Listen.

MELODY PLAYS

# There was a man who bought a cat

# He fed it well

# It got so fat

# He had to stroke it with a broom

# And when it purred, it shook the room

# Eating, eating

# He couldn't stop

# Growing, growing

# Until he went pop. #

LAUGHTER

When I went to see Phantom of the Opera,

and he was in it, obviously,

and I couldn't get over it, because he sounded like...

IMPERSONATING MICHAEL CRAWFORD: Phantom of the Opera.

I never got over it.

How did it come about?

Michael Crawford was absolutely insistent

that the actual toddler baby be called Jessica

so that she'd respond to her name and it makes things easier

and my dad was working on the show and he sort of overheard

that they were having problems finding a toddler called Jessica,

and he was like, "I've got a toddler called Jessica.

"You can use her if you'd like."

Well, you say that. He changed your name.

They didn't have to change my name.

So they moved into our house and filmed me for...

I don't know how long because I can't remember anything.

Well, you've been a huge part of our lives,

because we all love baby Jessica. We do.

Can we have a round of applause for Jessica Forte?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Can we have our next unsung hero, please?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome. Thank you so much. Please take a seat.

Thank you. OK, teams, same rules.

Jessica, would you like to start?

Was your sitcom...?

Was it like a cult sitcom?

Yeah, I would say it was a cult sitcom.

Yeah, but then became quite mainstream,

but, certainly, it started as a cult sitcom. OK.

I have to give you a clue. This is like a foreign...

we're trying to guess the British sitcom

that our guest did a foreign version of.

Oh, OK.

So what you really want to be thinking is

which sitcom character does he maybe resemble or...?

Is it In Sickness and in Health?

LAUGHTER

No. Steve and Nina, over to you.

Was he a family man in the sitcom?

No. No, not really, no.

OK.

Jen and Julia?

Is it the European version?

Nope. It's not a European version.

It's not actually a European version.

They are allowed in Eurovision. Oh!

Some places we can go.

Israel? Yeah.

He's the Israeli version of a sitcom star?

Yeah, still with you.

Ah, he didn't...

You didn't play Nigel Havers, did you?

LAUGHTER

No. Sadly not.

He's got the looks.

You weren't in the Israeli version of Chariots Of Fire, were you?

LAUGHTER No.

Is that a sitcom?

I found it hilarious.

Jessica and Chris?

Were you in the Israeli version of The Office?

Yes. Absolutely right.

Wow. APPLAUSE

That's good. So which character do you think he resembles?

Dawn! No, wait, David Brent.

Yes. Absolutely right.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes. May I introduce to you Dvir Benedek?

Yes, that's right. Dvir plays the David Brent character

in the Israeli version of The Office.

Would you like to see him in action? ALL: Yes.

LAUGHTER

MUSIC PLAYS

# Come on, come on, baby

LAUGHTER

Dvir Benedek!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That's SO good! That is so good.

Was it a big hit in Israel? It was. It was.

We had two seasons, we had 15 episodes each, so it was good.

And can I do say, what diet are you on? It's just amazing.

I watched that and stopped eating and then...

No, no. I think you're fantastic in that show.

Thank you so much. Can we have a round of applause for Dvir Benedek?

So lovely to meet you. Thank you so much for coming in.

Time for the final round,

and it's a traditional quickfire inspired by one of the great sitcoms.

Each episode of Fawlty Towers

began with an anagram of the hotel name.

I'm going to show our teams anagrams of other sitcoms

and they've got to tell me what they are.

So here is our first anagram.

Are you ready? You're buzzing in.

BUZZER

Oh, come on.

W1A.

Absolutely right. Are they all going to be this tricky?

APPLAUSE

Next anagram please.

Anybody? BUZZER

Father Ted. Let's have a look.

Very good. There we go.

APPLAUSE

BUZZER

Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em.

LAUGHTER

Give you a clue, it stars a woman.

BUZZER

Miranda. Absolutely right.

Let's take a look.

Next anagram, please.

BUZZER

Chris? The IT Crowd.

Absolutely right.

CHEERING

That's very good.

BUZZER

Lee. Is it The Liver Birds?

It is indeed The Liver Birds.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Next anagram, please.

Oh, um, um, um...

Press it, press it.

Do you know it?

BUZZER

Can I just check - how do you spell "bread"?

LAUGHTER

Is it with an M?

A solitary character.

Doesn't speak a lot.

BUZZER

Jessica? Mr Bean.

It is indeed Mr Bean.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Strangely difficult, aren't they? The short ones.

They are, they are really difficult.

Next anagram.

Any offers? BUZZER

Chris? Rising Damp.

Blimey. He's right!

How does he do that?!

What?

It's like playing with Rain Man. Moving on.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER Been in the show already.

BOTH: Up Pompeii. Absolutely.

There we go.

APPLAUSE

Next anagram, please.

LAUGHTER

It's extraordinary what the mind does, isn't it?

Obese hunts.

BUZZER

OK, I'm going to go maverick on this one. Yeah?

There isn't an actual sitcom called obese hunts, is there,

that we don't know about?

I will give you a clue. It is a workplace sitcom.

BUZZER

On The Buses. Yeah.

Let's have a look!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

JINGLE PLAYS

And that's the end of our final round.

So let's take a look at our final leaderboard.

What do we have here?

In fourth place, Lee and Nigel.

APPLAUSE

Steve and Nina, Jennifer and Julia

in joint second place.

APPLAUSE

But sitting pretty right up there on top,

it's Jess and Chris.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, that's it.

Can we have a big round of applause for all our guests?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I've been Ben Miller and this has been We Love Sitcom.

Goodbye!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE