Browse content similar to Have I Got a Bit More 2016 News for You. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
Line | From | To | |
---|---|---|---|
This programme contains some strong language | 0:00:02 | 0:00:07 | |
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING | 0:00:24 | 0:00:28 | |
MONTAGE: Good evening... | 0:00:37 | 0:00:38 | |
And welcome... To... Have I Got... News... For You. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
I'm Tracey Ullman. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:42 | |
I'm Nick Clegg. I'm Gary Lineker. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:44 | |
I'm Katherine Ryan. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:45 | |
I'm Stephen Mangan. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:46 | |
In the news this week, word spreads that Rupert Murdoch | 0:00:46 | 0:00:49 | |
has rewritten his will to cut out his children. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:53 | |
MALEVOLENT LAUGHTER | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:00:55 | 0:00:59 | |
In Essex, one passenger takes the easy option after foolishly | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
asking a taxi driver for his opinions on Brexit. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:01:07 | 0:01:08 | |
In London, one disgruntled commuter decides to put his | 0:01:14 | 0:01:18 | |
dispute with the rail company behind him and move on. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:21 | |
Producers on BBC Breakfast deny that | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
the move to Salford has affected the quality of the guests. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
And the Republican party put in place measures to ensure | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
a scandal-free presidency as Donald Trump spots an attractive | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
woman in the crowd. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:47 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
This is our new Prime Minister. Not him! Don't have a heart attack! | 0:01:57 | 0:02:01 | |
Oh, justice being done. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
The Government doesn't have power on its own to trigger | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
Article 50 and it has to refer it to Parliament. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
I actually launched a legal challenge to try and stop the | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
subject coming up on this show, but unfortunately... | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
I think we should have warned the National Grid. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:17 | |
Because there's going to be a massive upsurge in | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
electricity demand as people go to put the kettle on. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:22 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
Or switch on their electric chairs. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:26 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:02:26 | 0:02:29 | |
There doesn't seem to be any kind of plan for getting out of the EU, | 0:02:29 | 0:02:33 | |
but Tory MP Andrew Davies seemed pretty sure that Brexit | 0:02:33 | 0:02:37 | |
will definitely be sorted. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:38 | |
And conference, mark my words - | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
we will make breakfast... Brexit! ..a success. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:45 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
Could it be that the entire nation has voted under | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
a slight misapprehension? | 0:02:53 | 0:02:55 | |
They're merely wanting breakfast? | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
I mean, you were there - she didn't really like many of the Tories, | 0:02:58 | 0:03:02 | |
-did she? The old ones. -No. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
-Neither did I, actually, but there we are. -Did you like her? | 0:03:06 | 0:03:10 | |
Did you like Theresa May? | 0:03:10 | 0:03:11 | |
I-I-I... LAUGHTER | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
Anyway, the answer...! | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
-It's all right, she's not going to offer you a job! -No! | 0:03:17 | 0:03:21 | |
-No, I doubt that very much! -Do you still speak to David Cameron, Nick? | 0:03:21 | 0:03:25 | |
No, anyway, moving on. Um... | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
Do you still phone him up when you're drunk? | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:29 | 0:03:32 | |
We had a visit by an American president. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
He said, "Unless you stay in the EU, you'll go to the back of the queue," | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
which is a mistake with British people, because we think, "Great! Queue!" | 0:03:40 | 0:03:44 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
I'll go back again and queue up! | 0:03:48 | 0:03:51 | |
I feel like I've come to the country far too late, because before | 0:03:51 | 0:03:54 | |
Britain joined the Common Market, this must have been paradise. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
It really was paradise, wasn't it? | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
Only had to go work three days a week... | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
So, Eddie, you're pro-EU. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:07 | |
Who is your unlikely ally, it emerged this week? | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
Oh, I don't know. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
Um... Oh, this is the thing, this is the thing, | 0:04:12 | 0:04:15 | |
I thought you were just talking to me. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
We have been recording this whole time. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
Could it be thinking people of the United Kingdom? | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
No, it's Jeremy Clarkson. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
If you can't trust someone who punches a younger man in the face | 0:04:27 | 0:04:30 | |
when he doesn't get a steak, who CAN you trust? | 0:04:30 | 0:04:33 | |
Jeremy Clarkson said the EU is... | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
So why is he in favour of it, then? | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
-What special powers did Boris appear to gain this week? -He went home. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:47 | |
At the time that his wife was expecting him. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
Don't be ridiculous! | 0:04:52 | 0:04:53 | |
Well, Alistair Higham on Twitter | 0:04:55 | 0:04:56 | |
thinks he may have been watching too much Star Wars. | 0:04:56 | 0:05:00 | |
Watch how Boris deals with this cameraman. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
-That's... That's scary. -Yeah. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
Theresa May has inspired the acronym JAM for those who are | 0:05:12 | 0:05:15 | |
"just about managing", | 0:05:15 | 0:05:16 | |
although for some reason, she hasn't come up with a term yet | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
for those fat cats who are "cleaning up nicely, thanks". | 0:05:18 | 0:05:22 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:05:22 | 0:05:25 | |
Ah, yes - this is news that Toblerone | 0:05:27 | 0:05:29 | |
has changed the shape of its chocolate bars. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:32 | |
What's happened is that the traditional pyramid shape of | 0:05:32 | 0:05:35 | |
the Toblerone, in order to save costs, | 0:05:35 | 0:05:38 | |
they've actually made the Toblerone gaps bigger. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
As you can see, a lot of these people are very angry about it. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
There we are. That's very amusing. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
Fantastic! That is great! | 0:05:46 | 0:05:49 | |
At what point was it not ludicrous that the presenter of The Apprentice | 0:05:49 | 0:05:52 | |
in America could become the Commander In Chief? | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
It's like saying the presenter of Have I Got News for You could | 0:05:54 | 0:05:57 | |
become Foreign Secretary... | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
Anyway. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
Um...! | 0:06:01 | 0:06:02 | |
Did you see how the news was reported in the world's press? | 0:06:05 | 0:06:08 | |
Yes, there were some brilliant headlines. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
Here is a German newspaper... | 0:06:10 | 0:06:12 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
How did Trump echo Martin Luther King in his victory speech? | 0:06:16 | 0:06:20 | |
Well, Martin Luther King had a dream and...this guy's a nightmare. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:23 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
-Who would like to see the Dalai Lama take on The Donald? -Yes. -Yes. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:33 | |
Me. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:34 | |
-Have you met Donald Trump? -Never. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
What do you think of him? | 0:06:36 | 0:06:37 | |
I don't know. Sometimes, you see, | 0:06:37 | 0:06:39 | |
his sort of, the way his hair... | 0:06:39 | 0:06:42 | |
Something like that, | 0:06:42 | 0:06:44 | |
and his mouth... Small... | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:06:47 | 0:06:50 | |
He was even condemned by his wife, wasn't he? | 0:06:53 | 0:06:55 | |
Which is sort of pushing it, | 0:06:55 | 0:06:57 | |
when the future First Lady says, "No, he's appalling!" | 0:06:57 | 0:07:01 | |
To be fair, that was Michelle Obama's speech she just stole. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:05 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
JO BRAND: Who did Trump invite to sit in the front row | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
and make Hillary feel weird? | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
Was it Putin? | 0:07:12 | 0:07:13 | |
-No... -Barack's half-brother. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:16 | |
Yes, indeed, that's right. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:18 | |
He doesn't like his brother, the president. Do you know why? | 0:07:18 | 0:07:22 | |
Sibling rivalry. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:23 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
Well, I suppose it kind of amounts to that. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:28 | |
I mean, Malik Obama told ITV... | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:33 | 0:07:35 | |
I think this is about building the wall in Mexico | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
and it's up to the Mexicans to pay for it. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
That's not going to happen, is it? | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
-It's a thousand miles long. -Yeah. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:44 | |
They'll get a ladder. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
What he's done is threaten to cut off the billions of dollars | 0:07:46 | 0:07:49 | |
Mexican immigrants send back from America to Mexico | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
unless Mexico make... | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
Let's see what the former Mexican president Vicente Fox thought about that idea. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:03 | |
I'm not going to pay for that... fucking wall. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:06 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
Despite Trump's claims, not all of the media is against him. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:15 | |
One paper has already endorsed him | 0:08:15 | 0:08:16 | |
on its front page with the headline... | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
That's from the Crusader, | 0:08:19 | 0:08:21 | |
the in-house newspaper of the Ku Klux Klan. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:24 | |
Before you jump to conclusions, it's not all racial hatred - | 0:08:24 | 0:08:27 | |
it's got regular lifestyle items with tips on sewing and basic woodwork. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:31 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:31 | 0:08:35 | |
I think this is the contents of the Queen's speech. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
There wasn't a great deal there, she basically said, | 0:08:42 | 0:08:44 | |
"I'll see you after the referendum." | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
It is the 65th Queen's speech at the State Opening of Parliament, | 0:08:46 | 0:08:51 | |
but what did Justice Secretary Michael Gove, | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
what fingerprints did he have all over it? | 0:08:53 | 0:08:55 | |
Well, there are some quite sensible prison reform measures. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:58 | |
Because now all prisons, they have to become academies. | 0:08:58 | 0:09:01 | |
-LAUGHTER -That's the plan, yeah. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
What had the Queen watched for several hours earlier in the week? | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
-It was the Queen's life with... -Told with horses. -Told with horses! | 0:09:10 | 0:09:14 | |
The horse said, "I remember the day she became Queen." | 0:09:14 | 0:09:19 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:19 | 0:09:21 | |
And the thing about it, I mean, I'm not like a massive royalist, | 0:09:21 | 0:09:24 | |
but I was just thinking, like, I love Prince Harry, right? | 0:09:24 | 0:09:27 | |
I think he's brilliant. Probably for all the wrong reasons. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:30 | |
I thought it would be amazing if he one day ended up as King | 0:09:30 | 0:09:35 | |
because to have his life acted out by horses... | 0:09:35 | 0:09:38 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
Could you imagine? Just... | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
The Queen is 90 years old and still going strong. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:47 | |
-So it's time for our Quick Queen Quiz. -Right. -Yes! | 0:09:47 | 0:09:50 | |
TRUMPET PLAYS FANFARE | 0:09:50 | 0:09:53 | |
To mark the Queen's wartime work as a mechanic, | 0:09:54 | 0:09:58 | |
what did Kwik-Fit offer to do? | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
Get Prince Philip up in the blocks. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:05 | |
Have a look underneath there... | 0:10:06 | 0:10:08 | |
They sculpted a portrait out of motoring accessories. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
Are you sure that's the Queen? It looks like Colonel Gaddafi. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:14 | 0:10:17 | |
It was called The Queen Of Parts. Right... | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
German magazine Der Spiegel | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
put a touching tribute on their front page. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:28 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:28 | 0:10:31 | |
It was an article specially commissioned by Prince Charles! | 0:10:31 | 0:10:35 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:35 | 0:10:37 | |
Yes, of course, this is the triumph of the Foxes, Leicester City. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
-I know why they won. -Yes. -4-4-2. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:46 | |
Oh, really? | 0:10:46 | 0:10:47 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
Tell us about that, Ian. | 0:10:52 | 0:10:54 | |
Tell us about 4-4-2(!) | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
-Um, well, you've got, um... -Here we go. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:59 | |
-Ten players together... -Uh-huh... | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
-Four of them are in one bit... -Yeah... | 0:11:01 | 0:11:04 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:11:04 | 0:11:06 | |
Four of them in another and two right over there in another bit. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:09 | |
They might get relegated next year, that'd be funny, wouldn't it? | 0:11:09 | 0:11:11 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:11:11 | 0:11:14 | |
I didn't watch the parade on telly, | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
I followed it on the internet. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
You could track Danny Simpson's tag. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:11:24 | 0:11:27 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
People getting off doing community service... | 0:11:31 | 0:11:34 | |
-Tricky. -Just as well, where you come from, innit? | 0:11:34 | 0:11:37 | |
-Oh, there we go. -AUDIENCE: Ooo-ooh! | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
Ooh. Anyway. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
-Back to business. -Your crisps are shit. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:44 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
Where were we? Yes, Ian... | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
We were just raising the level of the debate. | 0:11:51 | 0:11:53 | |
How else are Leicester fans | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
capitalising on their team's victory? | 0:11:56 | 0:11:58 | |
Well, some fans actually are selling jars of Leicester City air... | 0:11:59 | 0:12:03 | |
ROSS LAUGHS | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
-Sorry, I've not... -No, it's going well. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
They've just opened the lid in the ground and closed it again, | 0:12:07 | 0:12:10 | |
but it was still a better atmosphere than you get at Arsenal. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:13 | |
GROANS, APPLAUSE | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
Yes, this is the shock result that has turned even non-football fans | 0:12:18 | 0:12:21 | |
like myself into experts. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
Leicester Rovers have won the Premier Division Cup. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:26 | 0:12:27 | |
It's a wonderfully romantic story, and to think, | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
none of it would have happened if the previous manager hadn't | 0:12:29 | 0:12:32 | |
left the club after his son was sacked for filming his mates | 0:12:32 | 0:12:34 | |
having an orgy with local women in a Bangkok hotel room. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:37 | |
Yes, that's Panama - someone handing over money. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:47 | |
It's a massive exposure of this Panamanian company which sets up | 0:12:47 | 0:12:52 | |
offshore for money-laundering, tax evasion... | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
RUMBLING OVERHEAD | 0:12:55 | 0:12:57 | |
It's Putin. | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:59 | 0:13:00 | |
Various world leaders have been building up stacks of | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
tax-free cash offshore. What has the president of the UAE been | 0:13:02 | 0:13:06 | |
secretly doing with all his money? | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
Bought up London property. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
Exactly right, yeah. | 0:13:10 | 0:13:12 | |
He's bought £1.2 billion worth of London properties. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
He's bought half of Oxford Street and parts of Mayfair. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
He didn't get the utilities or the stations, though... | 0:13:18 | 0:13:22 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:22 | 0:13:23 | |
..which are actually better value. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:26 | |
On the other hand, it does keep Britain safe, in a way. | 0:13:26 | 0:13:29 | |
Because for as long as the president of Bananistan | 0:13:29 | 0:13:32 | |
has got his ill-gotten money squirrelled away in UK property, | 0:13:32 | 0:13:36 | |
they're not going to attack the UK. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
So eventually, you don't need MI5, MI6 and anything, | 0:13:40 | 0:13:43 | |
all you need is Foxton's. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:46 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
The first casualty of the scandal was Iceland's Prime Minister, | 0:13:51 | 0:13:54 | |
who has been forced to resign. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
He's also in danger of having his assets frozen. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:59 | |
Still, that's what happens if you go sunbathing in Reykjavik. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:03 | |
Ronnie Corbett, that one's for you. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:07 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:07 | 0:14:08 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:14:08 | 0:14:10 | |
Ah, yes, this is the new Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
Lots of people getting out and voting. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:17 | |
This is the various elections we've had. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:21 | |
What camping metaphor did Sadiq Khan use to describe Labour's future? | 0:14:21 | 0:14:25 | |
We have to appeal to people outside of our own tents. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:28 | |
Yeah, that's almost exactly it, he said... | 0:14:28 | 0:14:31 | |
To which, Jeremy Corbyn quickly responded... | 0:14:34 | 0:14:37 | |
It's just that everybody else is outside, pissing into it. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:45 | |
Boris Johnson's term as Mayor of our capital city | 0:14:45 | 0:14:49 | |
has come to an end after eight years, | 0:14:49 | 0:14:52 | |
so let's take the opportunity to look back at his time in office. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
What is going on here? | 0:14:55 | 0:14:57 | |
He looks like a Ukip supporter bauble. | 0:14:57 | 0:15:00 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:15:00 | 0:15:02 | |
Tim, you've been fighting hard to put the Lib Dems back on the map. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:11 | |
Let's have a look at some footage from the Lib Dem party | 0:15:11 | 0:15:15 | |
conference a few weeks back, just to see how well it's going. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:18 | |
Do you know which political party is having a conference here this week? | 0:15:18 | 0:15:22 | |
I don't know. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:23 | |
Have you any idea? | 0:15:23 | 0:15:25 | |
SPEECH DROWNED BY LAUGHTER | 0:15:25 | 0:15:26 | |
Couldn't tell you. I didn't realise there was one. Is there? | 0:15:26 | 0:15:29 | |
The TUC were here. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
Are they still here? | 0:15:31 | 0:15:32 | |
Do you know which political party has got its conference going | 0:15:32 | 0:15:35 | |
-on here at the moment? -Yeah, that one there. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:37 | |
What do you think of them? | 0:15:37 | 0:15:39 | |
What do I think of 'em? Who are they? | 0:15:39 | 0:15:41 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
It's going well. Going well. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:45 | |
Suzanne, surely you must still be tempted to rejoin the Tory party. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:48 | |
-No. -Leave all those Ukip nutters behind. | 0:15:48 | 0:15:50 | |
No, they're not nutters. No, no, no. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:53 | |
They're a great bunch of people, Ukip, and I'm sticking with Ukip. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:55 | |
Well, at least, I hope, if they let me back in! Please! | 0:15:55 | 0:15:58 | |
-You're suspended for what, six months? -Six months. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
-Are you going to appeal? -I absolutely am. -Try and get a year? | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
Yeah. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:04 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:16:04 | 0:16:05 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
Jeremy Corbyn didn't do well in Scotland because people in Scotland | 0:16:11 | 0:16:14 | |
don't trust anyone who looks old but still has teeth. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:18 | |
In other news this week, Jeremy Corbyn announced | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
he will be playing Glastonbury, | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
although he's refused to appear on the Pyramid Stage | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
as he's opposed to any sort of hierarchical structure. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:16:28 | 0:16:30 | |
-JOE WILKINSON: -That's, er...that's a woman. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:35 | |
Quite a big, can I say that? Big bum? | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
That's the fella she's with, nice fella. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:42 | |
Did I get it right? | 0:16:45 | 0:16:46 | |
So, what is the story about these people? | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
There's already a TV series at the minute which just finished | 0:16:50 | 0:16:53 | |
-on BBC Two, and that is The Trial... -What, with them in it? | 0:16:53 | 0:16:56 | |
..Of OJ Simpson. | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
Well, Kim Kardashian's father | 0:16:58 | 0:17:00 | |
was one of the men responsible for getting OJ off, | 0:17:00 | 0:17:03 | |
and then he died of karma, I mean, cancer. And then... | 0:17:03 | 0:17:05 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:17:07 | 0:17:09 | |
This is the massive mainstream news | 0:17:09 | 0:17:11 | |
that Kim Kardashian actually came to London this week. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
Ian, I feel like I haven't given you enough opportunity to show | 0:17:14 | 0:17:17 | |
-your knowledge on the Kardashian family. -No. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:21 | |
So, I will give you a point for every Kardashian sister you can name. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:25 | |
Just move on, let's just move on. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
I didn't actually know she had sisters. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
I'm just getting over the fact that Kanye West isn't a constituency. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:38 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:17:40 | 0:17:42 | |
You know what, it's a dynasty, and it's kind of worth learning about. | 0:17:44 | 0:17:47 | |
I think they've earned their place at this point... | 0:17:47 | 0:17:49 | |
No, what the fuck do they do?! | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
How have they earned their place? | 0:17:51 | 0:17:54 | |
What do they do? | 0:17:54 | 0:17:56 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:17:56 | 0:17:58 | |
In other femi-news, | 0:17:58 | 0:17:59 | |
where did women narrowly fail to break down a sexist barrier? | 0:17:59 | 0:18:03 | |
Muirfield Golf Club, they've refused to have women playing golf. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:06 | |
That's it. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:08 | |
And therefore they can't have the Open Golf Championship there. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:11 | |
Do women actually want to join this club? | 0:18:11 | 0:18:13 | |
-I mean, they sound ghastly. -It does sound awful. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:16 | |
Not a member of a club yourself, old boy? | 0:18:16 | 0:18:18 | |
I'm a member of a couple of clubs. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:20 | |
-Oh, ah! -Um... | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
-Tell us. -Er... | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
Yeah...? | 0:18:24 | 0:18:26 | |
-Go on. -Is it the Alzheimer's League? | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
Yes, top BBC golfing commentator Peter Alliss told the Telegraph: | 0:18:34 | 0:18:38 | |
Does he even know how competitive | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
the "marry a rich old white guy" market is? | 0:18:50 | 0:18:52 | |
How many Jerry Halls do I have to punch in the tit | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
just to get a free gin and tonic? | 0:18:57 | 0:19:00 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:19:00 | 0:19:02 | |
-Ah, well, that looks like Heathrow. -Good news. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:08 | |
Good news for people who live near Gatwick. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:11 | |
It might not happen. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
It's got to meet all these requirements. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:15 | |
But aren't they European requirements, | 0:19:15 | 0:19:17 | |
-so that's not really going to be any...? -No, that's not a problem. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:20 | |
But don't the aeroplanes have to go from here to somewhere? | 0:19:20 | 0:19:23 | |
So it might still be a European thing. | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
Oh, yes, absolutely. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:26 | |
It might just be internal flights after Brexit. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:29 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:19:29 | 0:19:30 | |
I don't think anyone's going anywhere, and they're certainly not coming here! | 0:19:30 | 0:19:34 | |
Depends how big it is! | 0:19:34 | 0:19:36 | |
Maybe you'll get a flight from terminal six to terminal one. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:38 | |
Can I be narrowly parochial for a moment? | 0:19:40 | 0:19:42 | |
-Oh, God, is this the Rhondda? -Yes, it is. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:45 | |
I'm sorry, well, just for the rest of the country, | 0:19:45 | 0:19:48 | |
I think you'll find that Gatwick's really on the wrong side of London. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:50 | |
It's the right side of London for most of the rest of the world. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:19:53 | 0:19:55 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:19:57 | 0:20:00 | |
How much do you think we'll make from it financially? | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
Bazillions. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:04 | |
Sorry, how many? | 0:20:04 | 0:20:05 | |
-Bazillions. -I thought you said Brazilians. | 0:20:05 | 0:20:08 | |
It was just a random thought, you were sitting there. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:11 | |
We'll be rich enough for every citizen to get a free waxing. | 0:20:11 | 0:20:14 | |
Whether they want it or not. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:16 | |
-It's the future for our economy. -Exactly! | 0:20:18 | 0:20:20 | |
We could be the waxing hub of the world. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
We could become the rip-off merchants of the world. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
GROANING | 0:20:26 | 0:20:28 | |
You'll all be using it tomorrow. | 0:20:28 | 0:20:30 | |
You're getting it now. | 0:20:30 | 0:20:31 | |
Some of you saw it on Teletext at the bottom, didn't you? | 0:20:31 | 0:20:34 | |
Yes, Boris has been vocal against it | 0:20:35 | 0:20:37 | |
and, um, has he resigned too? | 0:20:37 | 0:20:40 | |
-No. -No! | 0:20:40 | 0:20:41 | |
Has he not? | 0:20:41 | 0:20:42 | |
He's written a couple of pieces - one pro... | 0:20:42 | 0:20:44 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:44 | 0:20:46 | |
Boris Johnson is on record as saying that if a third runway | 0:20:46 | 0:20:49 | |
at Heathrow went ahead he would... | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
I think the only word of that that any of us believe is lie. | 0:20:53 | 0:20:56 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:56 | 0:20:58 | |
In the final of Robot MasterChef the title's in the bag for the ZX1E, | 0:20:59 | 0:21:03 | |
unless he makes a mistake with the boiled egg. | 0:21:03 | 0:21:05 | |
On his way to Crufts, one impatient driver gets stuck in a traffic jam. | 0:21:15 | 0:21:20 | |
HORN HONKS | 0:21:20 | 0:21:22 | |
More extraordinary footage emerges on Planet Earth II | 0:21:27 | 0:21:29 | |
when David Attenborough goes filming as the pubs close in Glasgow. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:33 | |
At the BBC, news reaches the dressing room | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
that Piers Morgan has pulled out of Question Time. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:44 | |
And after a long day's recording, there's a sense of deja vu | 0:21:53 | 0:21:56 | |
for the producers of Top Gear | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
as they fail to provide Chris Evans with a steak. | 0:21:58 | 0:22:01 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:22:05 | 0:22:07 | |
And so, to round two. Shall we play a game of Whose Bald Bonce Is This? | 0:22:08 | 0:22:13 | |
-Yes. -Right, teams, fingers on buzzers. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:16 | |
Here's your first bald bonce. | 0:22:16 | 0:22:17 | |
-BUZZER Who's that? -Iain Duncan Smith. | 0:22:20 | 0:22:23 | |
-Yes, it is. -Hooray! | 0:22:23 | 0:22:25 | |
Ian, you made him cry, didn't you? | 0:22:25 | 0:22:27 | |
Um... | 0:22:28 | 0:22:29 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:22:29 | 0:22:32 | |
I did. | 0:22:34 | 0:22:35 | |
I made a documentary about Victorian benefits, | 0:22:35 | 0:22:39 | |
and I asked him some questions about the poor law, and workhouses, | 0:22:39 | 0:22:43 | |
and he suddenly started crying when he told me | 0:22:43 | 0:22:46 | |
about this young girl who had no start in life and he wanted to help. | 0:22:46 | 0:22:52 | |
And then people said, "Well, what did you do when he cried, | 0:22:52 | 0:22:56 | |
"did you comfort him?" | 0:22:56 | 0:22:57 | |
And I said, "No, it's Iain Duncan Smith." | 0:22:57 | 0:23:00 | |
-Who is that? -Bobby Charlton. -Right profession. | 0:23:04 | 0:23:08 | |
Somebody old in football, is that it? | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
He will be thrilled to hear that. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
It's Ray Wilkins. | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
-Why has he been in the news? -He hasn't. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:16 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:23:16 | 0:23:19 | |
Suck it up. | 0:23:23 | 0:23:24 | |
This game needs a little bit of refining, I think. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:30 | |
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE THEME TUNE | 0:23:34 | 0:23:37 | |
-I've always wanted to do this! -Fingers on buzzers. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
Why are there 12 stars on the EU flag? | 0:23:42 | 0:23:44 | |
Is that how many times we've won the World Cup? | 0:23:44 | 0:23:47 | |
You have to press your button! BUZZER | 0:23:47 | 0:23:50 | |
Jason. | 0:23:50 | 0:23:51 | |
-It's us. It's us. -What? | 0:23:53 | 0:23:56 | |
Oh, sorry. | 0:23:57 | 0:23:59 | |
That's one of the things they test when you go to university, | 0:23:59 | 0:24:01 | |
can you spot a light coming on? | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
I was looking over there. I didn't know there were lights. | 0:24:05 | 0:24:07 | |
It's nice in the winter months, though. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:11 | |
What was the question? | 0:24:11 | 0:24:13 | |
Oh, because there were originally 12 member states. | 0:24:13 | 0:24:15 | |
No. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:17 | |
There is no reason. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:19 | |
There just are 12, arranged in a circle, | 0:24:19 | 0:24:21 | |
that apparently symbolises unity. | 0:24:21 | 0:24:24 | |
Or it may not. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:25 | |
In 1866, Lichtenstein sent its entire army of 80 soldiers | 0:24:26 | 0:24:31 | |
off to the Austro-Prussian War. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:33 | |
What was unusual about the number of soldiers that returned? | 0:24:33 | 0:24:36 | |
BUZZER | 0:24:36 | 0:24:38 | |
Merton, Merton. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:39 | |
-Do I have to go like this? -He wasn't at Merton. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:45 | |
Merton, Life. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:49 | |
-BELL Jason, Hislop. -There was more. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:55 | |
-What? -There was more, I was going to say. | 0:24:55 | 0:24:57 | |
-Yes, do you know the...? -I don't know, is that the actual answer? | 0:24:57 | 0:25:00 | |
Yeah, yeah, because when they got there, | 0:25:02 | 0:25:04 | |
they just started chatting to someone who was dead nice. | 0:25:04 | 0:25:07 | |
-He was really nice. -Lovely uniform, brass buttons. | 0:25:07 | 0:25:10 | |
-They look after you. -Yes, 80 went to war. And 81 came back. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:13 | |
They'd...they'd been forbidden to engage in any form of | 0:25:15 | 0:25:18 | |
military combat so none were killed, | 0:25:18 | 0:25:20 | |
and then an Italian joined up because he was looking for work. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:23 | |
BUZZER | 0:25:29 | 0:25:30 | |
A goose has been travelling on the train without a season ticket. | 0:25:30 | 0:25:33 | |
It's been travelling from Brighton to Guildford for the last five years, | 0:25:33 | 0:25:36 | |
and it's not his card, he's using somebody else's. | 0:25:36 | 0:25:39 | |
Well, that's nearly right, but it's a duck on an aeroplane. | 0:25:39 | 0:25:42 | |
Oh, it's a duck on an aeroplane. | 0:25:42 | 0:25:44 | |
This is the news that a duck has been providing comfort | 0:25:44 | 0:25:47 | |
to nervous flyers on a flight across America. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:50 | |
He quacks to soothe his nervous owner and is called an: | 0:25:50 | 0:25:54 | |
Oh, you've just made this up. | 0:25:57 | 0:25:58 | |
According to the Telegraph, Daniel the duck was wearing: | 0:25:58 | 0:26:02 | |
Brilliant. | 0:26:04 | 0:26:05 | |
If I was having an anxiety attack on a plane, | 0:26:05 | 0:26:07 | |
the sight of a duck in little red boots would not calm me at all. | 0:26:07 | 0:26:13 | |
And how did he pass the time mid-flight, for example? | 0:26:13 | 0:26:16 | |
-How did he pass the time? -Given that we've never heard of him before... | 0:26:16 | 0:26:19 | |
-Sudoku! -He looked out of the window. | 0:26:19 | 0:26:21 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:26:21 | 0:26:24 | |
Having a gander! | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:26:28 | 0:26:30 | |
Thank you. | 0:26:30 | 0:26:32 | |
-Shall we move on to other animal news? -Why not? -Other animal news? | 0:26:32 | 0:26:36 | |
-Why not? -What record has a Peterborough hen set this week? | 0:26:36 | 0:26:39 | |
-Most eggs. -No, it laid the biggest ever egg. Here it is. -Wow! | 0:26:39 | 0:26:44 | |
-Whoa! -Do we not get a picture of the chicken that laid that egg? | 0:26:45 | 0:26:49 | |
No, it's in intensive care, I imagine. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:52 | |
BELL | 0:26:57 | 0:26:59 | |
-Is it Essex women? -That's it, yes. | 0:26:59 | 0:27:01 | |
The term Essex girl was in the dictionary, | 0:27:01 | 0:27:04 | |
and this is the news that two girls from Essex | 0:27:04 | 0:27:07 | |
are trying to get that term removed. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:09 | |
Collins defines it as: | 0:27:09 | 0:27:10 | |
-Doesn't seem too bad. -That's all right. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:15 | |
Why would anyone have a problem with that? | 0:27:22 | 0:27:25 | |
And who's come out in support of Juliet and Natasha's campaign? | 0:27:25 | 0:27:29 | |
The Archbishop of Canterbury. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:31 | |
-No, it was a star of Ian's favourite show, Gemma Collins. -Towie? | 0:27:31 | 0:27:35 | |
Here she is. | 0:27:35 | 0:27:36 | |
It is absolutely outrageous in today's society that the dictionary, | 0:27:36 | 0:27:41 | |
which...I'm a massive fan of the dictionary. | 0:27:41 | 0:27:43 | |
You know, we should be, like, promoting the dictionary anyway, | 0:27:43 | 0:27:47 | |
because, like, it is such an amazing, like, | 0:27:47 | 0:27:50 | |
historical British thing, isn't it? | 0:27:50 | 0:27:52 | |
Every story ever written's in the dictionary. | 0:27:55 | 0:27:57 | |
You've just got to put the words in the right order. | 0:27:57 | 0:27:59 | |
BUZZER | 0:28:04 | 0:28:06 | |
Yes. | 0:28:06 | 0:28:07 | |
It's a Samsung phone - Galaxy 7 or something. | 0:28:07 | 0:28:09 | |
It's catching fire. | 0:28:09 | 0:28:11 | |
It's one of the things it's not meant to do. | 0:28:11 | 0:28:14 | |
It's got a fire app on it. | 0:28:14 | 0:28:15 | |
That's the right answer, basically, yeah. | 0:28:15 | 0:28:17 | |
Yeah, this is news Samsung have scrapped its | 0:28:17 | 0:28:19 | |
Galaxy Note 7 after the phones keep exploding. | 0:28:19 | 0:28:22 | |
Why is this particularly damaging for Samsung? | 0:28:22 | 0:28:26 | |
-Well, they're a phone company. -Yes. | 0:28:26 | 0:28:28 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:28:28 | 0:28:30 | |
And they make them. | 0:28:31 | 0:28:33 | |
Samsung also supplied customers with an elaborate kit | 0:28:34 | 0:28:37 | |
to return their phones, which included... | 0:28:37 | 0:28:39 | |
And they thoughtfully provided... | 0:28:47 | 0:28:50 | |
..or a hotline, if you will. | 0:28:52 | 0:28:54 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:28:54 | 0:28:56 | |
Time now for the odd one out round. | 0:29:00 | 0:29:02 | |
Marina Stepanova, MC Hammer, | 0:29:02 | 0:29:05 | |
-Sara Blizzard, and Dr Henry Heimlich. -Ah! | 0:29:05 | 0:29:08 | |
Out of all those, Dr Henry Heimlich, who invented the Heimlich manoeuvre, | 0:29:08 | 0:29:12 | |
this was an interesting story last week, | 0:29:12 | 0:29:13 | |
I think he's in a sort of care home now at the age of 96 | 0:29:13 | 0:29:17 | |
and a fellow resident started choking, | 0:29:17 | 0:29:19 | |
and he was on hand to do the Heimlich manoeuvre | 0:29:19 | 0:29:22 | |
and it's the first time ever he's actually been called upon to do it. | 0:29:22 | 0:29:26 | |
And saved this woman's life. | 0:29:26 | 0:29:28 | |
There he's obviously attacking that woman, | 0:29:28 | 0:29:29 | |
so he's got a dark side to him. | 0:29:29 | 0:29:33 | |
-So, who are the other people that you mentioned? -Marina Stepanova. | 0:29:33 | 0:29:37 | |
-Yeah. -She does the hurdles. "Steppin' over." | 0:29:37 | 0:29:40 | |
400m hurdles, though. Really high. | 0:29:41 | 0:29:44 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:29:47 | 0:29:49 | |
-Bottom left, Sara Blizzard, did you say? -Sara Blizzard. | 0:29:50 | 0:29:53 | |
-She's a weather woman. -Sara Blizzard is a weather presenter | 0:29:53 | 0:29:55 | |
for East Midlands Today, | 0:29:55 | 0:29:57 | |
taking over from the much-loved Karen Pissing-it-down. | 0:29:57 | 0:30:00 | |
Yes, they all have highly appropriate names apart from | 0:30:02 | 0:30:04 | |
MC Hammer, who recently revealed that he's scared of hammering. | 0:30:04 | 0:30:07 | |
In a recent interview he said... | 0:30:07 | 0:30:11 | |
How did Dr Heimlich play a pivotal role | 0:30:16 | 0:30:18 | |
in the engagement of Carrie Fisher and Dan Aykroyd? | 0:30:18 | 0:30:22 | |
-Did Carrie Fisher do the Heimlich manoeuvre to Dan Aykroyd? -No. | 0:30:23 | 0:30:26 | |
Dan's doing it to Carrie? | 0:30:26 | 0:30:27 | |
Dan saved Carrie's life by performing the Heimlich manoeuvre | 0:30:27 | 0:30:30 | |
after she choked on a Brussels sprout. | 0:30:30 | 0:30:32 | |
-I don't know why that's funny. -Bloody Brussels! | 0:30:32 | 0:30:35 | |
There are loads of great names. | 0:30:41 | 0:30:42 | |
Buzz if you can tell me the occupation of the following people. | 0:30:42 | 0:30:45 | |
These are all genuine. Les McBurney. | 0:30:45 | 0:30:47 | |
-BUZZER -Fireman! | 0:30:47 | 0:30:48 | |
Yes, from Wisconsin. Bath Toothman. | 0:30:48 | 0:30:52 | |
-BUZZER -Plumber! | 0:30:52 | 0:30:54 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:30:54 | 0:30:55 | |
-Dentist. -Very good. Dentist. | 0:30:58 | 0:31:00 | |
Mark De Man. | 0:31:00 | 0:31:02 | |
BELL | 0:31:03 | 0:31:04 | |
Rapper. | 0:31:04 | 0:31:05 | |
Professional footballer. | 0:31:05 | 0:31:07 | |
Professional killer. | 0:31:07 | 0:31:08 | |
He's a footballer. Ian, of course you'd get that. | 0:31:08 | 0:31:11 | |
-Oh, the full name. -Mark De Man, a defender I would guess. | 0:31:11 | 0:31:13 | |
-Yes! -Oh, Mark De Man! | 0:31:13 | 0:31:15 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:31:15 | 0:31:17 | |
Wait a minute. Wait a minute! | 0:31:17 | 0:31:19 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:31:19 | 0:31:21 | |
-There's something strange going on here. -Yes. | 0:31:21 | 0:31:24 | |
Ian Hislop's voice isn't quite the same as it normally is. | 0:31:24 | 0:31:27 | |
And the Ian Hislop I know knows nothing about football. | 0:31:27 | 0:31:30 | |
It's Ross Kemp in an Ian Hislop suit. | 0:31:34 | 0:31:37 | |
-Leave it -aht! Leave it! | 0:31:37 | 0:31:39 | |
The instance of a name being linked to what you do is known as: | 0:31:42 | 0:31:46 | |
A phrase first suggested by linguistics expert Norman Ative | 0:31:47 | 0:31:52 | |
and his German colleague Dieter Minism. | 0:31:52 | 0:31:54 | |
Oh, wow. | 0:31:56 | 0:31:57 | |
Brilliant. | 0:31:57 | 0:31:59 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:31:59 | 0:32:02 | |
This has got an end-of-series feel about it, hasn't it? | 0:32:05 | 0:32:08 | |
You wouldn't dare put that on the first show. | 0:32:08 | 0:32:10 | |
-No, all the jokes that got left lying around. -Scrape them up. | 0:32:10 | 0:32:13 | |
I'll do 'em. | 0:32:13 | 0:32:15 | |
Pot Black snooker. | 0:32:18 | 0:32:19 | |
The Biami tribe. | 0:32:19 | 0:32:21 | |
The Natural Environment Research Council's polar research vessel | 0:32:21 | 0:32:25 | |
and the fossilised egg of an elephant bird. | 0:32:25 | 0:32:28 | |
Well, we know about the polar vessel because people voted for it | 0:32:28 | 0:32:32 | |
to be called Boaty McBoatface. | 0:32:32 | 0:32:34 | |
And Boring McBoringface in the government decided that was wrong. | 0:32:34 | 0:32:38 | |
They're going to call it the Sir David Attenborough, but that prompted a petition, | 0:32:38 | 0:32:42 | |
rather wonderfully, for Sir David Attenborough | 0:32:42 | 0:32:44 | |
to change his name by deed poll to Sir David McDavidface. | 0:32:44 | 0:32:47 | |
I would say it's about changing your name. | 0:32:47 | 0:32:50 | |
-It's not called Pot Black any more. -Yeah. | 0:32:50 | 0:32:53 | |
-Every Colour Is Equal, it's called now. -Is it? | 0:32:53 | 0:32:56 | |
Is there a link to David Attenborough here? | 0:32:57 | 0:33:00 | |
Ah, yes, cos David Attenborough was the controller of BBC Two | 0:33:00 | 0:33:03 | |
when he commissioned Pot Black back in 1969. | 0:33:03 | 0:33:05 | |
It was a programme made for colour TV, as it was. | 0:33:05 | 0:33:08 | |
Did he discover all these apart from...? Which one didn't he...? | 0:33:08 | 0:33:11 | |
-Boaty McBoatface. -That is the odd one out because he didn't | 0:33:11 | 0:33:13 | |
discover that but he was named after it, or something. | 0:33:13 | 0:33:16 | |
-Is the right answer. -Hurray! | 0:33:16 | 0:33:18 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:33:18 | 0:33:21 | |
They're all known thanks to the work of Sir David Attenborough, apart from | 0:33:21 | 0:33:24 | |
the UK's new polar research vessel, which is going to be named after him. | 0:33:24 | 0:33:29 | |
I don't know if you followed the whole Boaty McBoatface thing. | 0:33:29 | 0:33:32 | |
I thought it could have gone a lot worse if you were asking | 0:33:32 | 0:33:34 | |
the British public to decide on something. | 0:33:34 | 0:33:37 | |
They're lucky it wasn't called Harold Shipman. | 0:33:37 | 0:33:39 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:33:39 | 0:33:41 | |
I sort of feel bad for not getting the joke. Everybody loved it. | 0:33:44 | 0:33:47 | |
I just think putting Mc in front of something | 0:33:47 | 0:33:50 | |
doesn't necessarily make it funny. | 0:33:50 | 0:33:52 | |
Look at Michael McIntyre. | 0:33:52 | 0:33:54 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:33:56 | 0:33:58 | |
Naming contests are notorious for going awry. | 0:33:58 | 0:34:02 | |
What forced American fizzy drinks brand Mountain Dew to ignore | 0:34:02 | 0:34:06 | |
a public vote to name its new apple-flavoured drink in 2012? | 0:34:06 | 0:34:10 | |
It was won by the name... | 0:34:11 | 0:34:13 | |
Submitted by Ken. | 0:34:18 | 0:34:20 | |
-Mountain Jew? -Mountain Dew! | 0:34:22 | 0:34:24 | |
The hitherto unknown Biami tribe of Papua New Guinea were discovered by | 0:34:26 | 0:34:30 | |
David Attenborough while filming a documentary in 1971. | 0:34:30 | 0:34:34 | |
What did David Attenborough do with the egg from the gigantic | 0:34:34 | 0:34:37 | |
but extinct elephant bird? | 0:34:37 | 0:34:39 | |
He had to put it together because... | 0:34:39 | 0:34:41 | |
Yeah, put it all back together. | 0:34:41 | 0:34:43 | |
He reconstructed it from over 1,000 pieces. | 0:34:43 | 0:34:46 | |
Here's what he started out with. | 0:34:46 | 0:34:48 | |
And here's his first attempt. | 0:34:49 | 0:34:50 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:34:50 | 0:34:55 | |
Sir David was so delighted to hear that the boat had been | 0:34:55 | 0:34:58 | |
named after him that he celebrated his birthday | 0:34:58 | 0:35:01 | |
by cracking a bottle of champagne across his own face. | 0:35:01 | 0:35:03 | |
What could be a more appropriate 90th birthday gift for | 0:35:05 | 0:35:08 | |
David Attenborough than to give his name to polar research vessel | 0:35:08 | 0:35:12 | |
as they both begin a long, cold journey to a place of endless night? | 0:35:12 | 0:35:16 | |
LAUGHTER AND GASPING | 0:35:16 | 0:35:19 | |
Happy birthday, Sir David! | 0:35:21 | 0:35:23 | |
Time now for the missing words round. And we start with: | 0:35:26 | 0:35:29 | |
Sandwich. | 0:35:35 | 0:35:36 | |
Are still in charge of Brexit negotiations. | 0:35:37 | 0:35:40 | |
New-look Spice Girls are back. | 0:35:42 | 0:35:45 | |
The answer is: | 0:35:50 | 0:35:51 | |
Language historian Dr Todd Gray MBE has been researching | 0:35:54 | 0:35:58 | |
Britain's best old-fashioned swear words. | 0:35:58 | 0:36:00 | |
Also including nippy, tarse and wittol. | 0:36:00 | 0:36:03 | |
And before you write in to complain, | 0:36:03 | 0:36:05 | |
I can use these words as it's after the 1648 watershed. | 0:36:05 | 0:36:08 | |
Next: | 0:36:09 | 0:36:10 | |
Fuckface McGee? | 0:36:13 | 0:36:15 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:36:15 | 0:36:18 | |
That's the only one I can think of. | 0:36:18 | 0:36:21 | |
The answer is... | 0:36:21 | 0:36:23 | |
Dopey Dick was a killer whale who first came to Northern Ireland in | 0:36:28 | 0:36:31 | |
the '70s, and he's now Minister For Education in the Stormont government. | 0:36:31 | 0:36:34 | |
Next... | 0:36:36 | 0:36:37 | |
Pours chocolate sauce over Labrador. | 0:36:40 | 0:36:41 | |
Ices own paunch. | 0:36:42 | 0:36:44 | |
That's excellent. I think that's the best answer we've ever had. | 0:36:48 | 0:36:52 | |
Ices his own paunch? That's a fantastic sentence. It's poetry. | 0:36:54 | 0:36:58 | |
That should be the answer to every single question from now on. | 0:36:58 | 0:37:02 | |
Do you know what he did? | 0:37:02 | 0:37:03 | |
And here they are. | 0:37:07 | 0:37:08 | |
Next: | 0:37:10 | 0:37:13 | |
Heads for Mexican border. | 0:37:14 | 0:37:15 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:37:20 | 0:37:22 | |
Bus disguised as brick wall seeks similar. | 0:37:22 | 0:37:26 | |
It's: | 0:37:29 | 0:37:31 | |
Here is the bus. | 0:37:33 | 0:37:34 | |
Next: | 0:37:35 | 0:37:37 | |
If you support Leicester City. | 0:37:42 | 0:37:46 | |
Is it "if you are alive"? | 0:37:46 | 0:37:48 | |
Oh, Ian! | 0:37:51 | 0:37:53 | |
Next... | 0:38:02 | 0:38:03 | |
The return of the colour avocado. | 0:38:08 | 0:38:10 | |
Norovirus. | 0:38:12 | 0:38:14 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:38:14 | 0:38:16 | |
Next... | 0:38:23 | 0:38:25 | |
Donald Trump. | 0:38:27 | 0:38:28 | |
Piers Morgan. | 0:38:28 | 0:38:30 | |
-Skydiving. -No. | 0:38:30 | 0:38:32 | |
Yes, an American man... | 0:38:37 | 0:38:39 | |
Is there a special button on the computer you should never press? | 0:38:39 | 0:38:42 | |
An American man took sleeping pills and awoke the next day | 0:38:43 | 0:38:46 | |
to find he'd been shopping at an online company called... | 0:38:46 | 0:38:48 | |
The unnamed man cancelled the order for over 3,000, explaining... | 0:38:51 | 0:38:55 | |
We should stop using that name, | 0:39:01 | 0:39:02 | |
Jerry Hall is Googling it and looking for wedding venues. | 0:39:02 | 0:39:05 | |
And finally: | 0:39:07 | 0:39:09 | |
Milk! | 0:39:12 | 0:39:13 | |
In bottles. Milk in bottles. | 0:39:13 | 0:39:15 | |
Yeah, in trendy parts of London, they want...they want, um, | 0:39:15 | 0:39:19 | |
-milk in bottles because it's somehow real. -Yes. | 0:39:19 | 0:39:22 | |
Yes. Hipster milk comes in skimmed, semi-skimmed and full twat. | 0:39:27 | 0:39:31 | |
Before we go, there's just time for the caption competition. | 0:39:35 | 0:39:39 | |
Don't put your keys in me, I'm not a handbag yet. | 0:39:39 | 0:39:42 | |
Is it a meeting of EWE-kip? | 0:39:45 | 0:39:47 | |
Oh, very good! | 0:39:47 | 0:39:48 | |
-Nice. -Cos there's only one of them. | 0:39:48 | 0:39:50 | |
See, I was thinking it was looking at a bus and going, | 0:39:50 | 0:39:53 | |
"350 million...rubbish!" | 0:39:53 | 0:39:55 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:39:55 | 0:39:57 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:39:57 | 0:39:59 | |
The Empire Strikes BAKE. | 0:40:00 | 0:40:02 | |
Ohhh! | 0:40:03 | 0:40:05 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:40:05 | 0:40:07 | |
They're just bodyguards, don't you think? | 0:40:07 | 0:40:09 | |
To protect her from being stolen by Channel 4. | 0:40:09 | 0:40:11 | |
They've got Imperial stormtroopers surrounding Mary at all moments. | 0:40:13 | 0:40:17 | |
Paul Hollywood, little droid. | 0:40:17 | 0:40:20 | |
Mary... | 0:40:21 | 0:40:22 | |
HE HUMS IMPERIAL MARCH FROM STAR WARS | 0:40:22 | 0:40:25 | |
-Are you having one of your turns again, Ian? -Yeah. | 0:40:28 | 0:40:31 | |
You wanted me to point it out next time it happened, do you remember? | 0:40:32 | 0:40:35 | |
Thanks, thanks, sorry. | 0:40:35 | 0:40:37 | |
He gets a nosebleed when he starts dealing with popular culture. | 0:40:37 | 0:40:41 | |
And I leave you with news that | 0:40:42 | 0:40:44 | |
arriving in Brussels for a mini-break, | 0:40:44 | 0:40:47 | |
one woman gets a nasty surprise | 0:40:47 | 0:40:49 | |
as she tries to change her pounds into euros. | 0:40:49 | 0:40:51 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:40:54 | 0:40:58 | |
At Claridge's in London, the chefs react quickly | 0:40:59 | 0:41:01 | |
as Gordon Ramsay falls into the deep fat fryer. | 0:41:01 | 0:41:04 | |
An old showbiz double act are forced to go back on road | 0:41:08 | 0:41:11 | |
with their Catch The Peanut routine. | 0:41:11 | 0:41:13 | |
And as more revelations about BHS emerge, | 0:41:19 | 0:41:22 | |
Philip Green poses for a photo shoot | 0:41:22 | 0:41:24 | |
in a doomed attempt to show he's not a prick. | 0:41:24 | 0:41:27 | |
Goodnight. | 0:41:34 | 0:41:35 |