Episode 4 Morgana Robinson's The Agency


Episode 4

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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language

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This is Mann Management,

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one of the UK's foremost celebrity talent agencies.

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Their illustrious client base is managed by agent to the stars

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Vincent Mann.

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What does it take to be a great agent?

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An eye for talent, a nose for money and an ear for bullshit.

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In an unprecedented move,

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he has given our documentary crew unlimited access to both his agency

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and his superstar clients.

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Here, pay that for me.

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-Parking fine?

-I said to him, that is outrageous -

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hitting someone with a parking fine when they're at a funeral.

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Oh, God, I didn't know you were at a funeral.

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I wasn't, I was having me balls waxed, but I could have been.

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I mean, that's the point.

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Right, what have we got?

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Just give me a second to get that image out of my head.

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SHE SIGHS

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No. Still there.

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So, Miranda's in with the police today.

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Oh, what's she done?

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Has she gone and popped her boob out on The One Show again?

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No, she's with the police. She's doing that documentary.

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Right.

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Megastar comedian Miranda Hart is determined to

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be taken more seriously.

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With that in mind, she's taking part in a warts-and-all documentary

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following the Metropolitan Police.

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But don't you need to wash at higher temperatures with non-bio?

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Oh, yeah, but it's either that or go with bio.

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The enzymes play havoc with my dermatitis.

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Er, guys, yawn-o-rama.

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No-one told me I'd signed up to CSI: Persil.

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Good joke, thank you, feel free to laugh.

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OK, that's enough.

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And back to me.

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Look, this is what modern-day policing is, Miranda.

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There's a lot of waiting about.

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You know, we could quite easily go a whole shift without a single call.

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-RADIO:

-'CI 12, come in, over.'

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Awkward!

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CI 12 receiving, Sarge. What's the problem? Over.

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'We have a 1015 civil disturbance in progress on Belvedere Road.

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'Can you attend? Over.'

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Can we attend? I should cocoa.

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Tell the little radio voice man that we are definato hot potahto,

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as in potato.

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# Haters gonna hate Potatoes gonna potate. #

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I've literally no idea where I'm going with this!

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Please put a sock in it.

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Good idea. In it, a sock has been put.

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Yeah, 10-4, Sarge.

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10-4, big buddy.

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-SHE HISSES

-Sock is in mouth.

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I repeat, sock is in mouth.

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-SHE HISSES

-Over. I'm doing that noise myself.

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-Oh, what japes! Catch 'em, Danno!

-ENGINE PURRS

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Up the blues and twos, Smokey and the Bandit.

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I'm going to commit a crime soon.

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SIREN WAILS

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Five pounds in a week?

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PHONE RINGS

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Vinnie. Speak.

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Vinnie, mate. It's the old Cotton-meister here.

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Just had a totes blimming brilliant idea for a new show,

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-me old manager mate.

-Great, Fearne.

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Let me just grab a pencil.

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I firmly believe that this is the golden era of celebrity.

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We will look back on these days like Hollywood looks back on the 1930s

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or fascists reminisce about the '40s.

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Now is the age of "celeb face plus any idea equals potential TV hit".

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Unfortunately, Fearne Cotton is the exception that proves the rule.

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She literally believes that everything she does could be filmed

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and made into a show.

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Found my pencil. Shoot.

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So, I was just Instagramming my belly butt-butt,

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and this literally just popped into the old Cotton-box.

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Yummy Mummies Look At Their Tummies with Fearne Cotton.

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That's 12 times one hour for ITVBe.

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It just came to me, mate.

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12...hours?

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I mean, I'm good, but I'm not that good.

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With an open door to Vincent's clients...

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Lads?

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..we were able to ask the stars some more pertinent questions

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about their celebrity.

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-CAN HISSES

-Oh, fuck it.

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The worst thing about being famous?

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Constantly being asked where Mel is.

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While I'm clearly stood beside her.

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Sorry, did someone just say something?

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-Lolz.

-Of the mega variety.

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The worst thing about being famous is the creeping self-doubt

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and the alienation that comes with a life in the spotlight.

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No, I'm only having a bubble!

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The worst thing about being famous?

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Definitely all the trip hazards.

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They're everywhere.

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But thinking back, that's also the worst thing about not being famous.

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It's being at an awards ceremony and queueing up for a Tom Tit,

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and without fail, there'll be some melt spraffing on about EastEnders,

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when all you want to do is lay a bit of cable and crack the fuck on.

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Nightmare.

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Literally no downsides, mate -

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to anything, ever.

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Skills!

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I'd say the worst thing about fame is lazy pigeonholing.

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Like, if someone was previously known for something else,

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like being crowned three times Shagger Of The Year by The Sun,

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it doesn't mean that that same person can't lead the nation to

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a new spiritual dawn, does it?

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Nothing.

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Sorry. I've got nothing.

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SIREN WAILS

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Miranda's mission to be taken more seriously has just become

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a lot more serious.

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You don't understand! No-one does.

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Why don't you come down and explain?

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You can't help.

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I've got nothing left.

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I'm not coming down.

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It's better for everyone if I...

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Are you Miranda...from Miranda?

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Oh, no, that's not me any more.

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No, no, I'm doing serious stuff now, like this.

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-Yeah, we've got this, thanks.

-Yeah, step away, please, Miranda.

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No. I want to talk to her.

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Awkward!

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For you, that is.

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Well, come on, then! Let's have a little what I call tete-a-tete,

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which is French for chinwag.

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I've got nothing left to live for, Miranda.

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I've lost everything.

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Well, where did you last have it?

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Have you checked down the back of the sofa?

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Oh, my God, I'm turning into my mother.

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Why aren't you doing the show any more?

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Because I'm very serious these days.

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I'm doing a very serious documentary about the police force

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and how serious it is.

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What, not even a Christmas special?

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Definitely not a Christmas special. They're the worst.

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Well, that's depressing.

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All right, I suppose I could do some more if you like.

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Really?

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Yeah!

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Why not?

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And I'd need to come up with some new ideas for the show,

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and because you're a fan, I'm sure you could help.

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Well, now you've mentioned it, I've always wanted to be a writer.

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That sounds like fun-times central.

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Why don't you come on down?

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Leslie Crowther's The Price Is Right!

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I've literally no idea where I'm going with THIS!

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HE SCREAMS

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THUD

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Awkward.

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# Get down... #

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Soap actor and hard man Danny Dyer

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has spent over £11,000

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perfecting his shed.

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Sweet as a nut, this.

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I've got a kettle for a cup of Rosie,

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a fridge full of Wife-beater,

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and a little heater so I can be out here all year round.

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And the Wi-Fi reaches from the house.

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HE SNIFFS

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But according to Danny, the privacy of his shed is being challenged

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by some unwanted visitors.

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So, I was in me man-shack having a snout,

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trying to get me loaf together,

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when I see this little geezer about the size of me thumb.

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He comes bowling out of the undergrowth,

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a big grin on his boat.

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He's all dolled up, yeah?

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Little green velvet whistle,

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frilly shirt, waistcoat, pointy hat, you know the type.

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He's gone...and then he was off.

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Now, I could have handled it the once,

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but then he brought his mates back.

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Call them what you like -

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pixies, elves, sprites,

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Smurfs, Borrowers,

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little mischievous folk of the forest -

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legends abound about these little nutters.

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I wonder what's in that bag.

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The forest folk have led me up the garden path,

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all round the pond and all through the stinging nettles.

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I'm getting proper mugged off

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by geezers no bigger than a fun-sized Mars bar.

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You think I'm losing it,

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but something has eaten all the birdseed off the bird table, yeah?

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What could have done that, eh?

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PHONE RINGS

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Vinnie. Speak.

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Vinnie, mate - quinoa balls.

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What?

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I've literally just had this idea -

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Quinoa Balls with Fearne Cotton.

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That's 25 eps on BBC Three.

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Amazing. Title, Amazeballs!

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It just came to me, mate.

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Yeah, I'm not sure anyone wants to see that, Fearne.

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I'm not sure you're right there, manager, mate.

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I just stuck the old quinoa balls on Instagram -

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12 million likes.

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It might be my age,

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but I don't have the first clue what she's going on about.

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Danny Dyer has spent the last hour and a half locked in his shed.

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Like that, but without the belt.

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His obsession with the elves is showing no sign of abating.

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This was my little island of calm,

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and now it's under siege from a firm of trickster sprites

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who want to do my nut right in.

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I feel like that geezer from Gulliver's Travels,

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-whatever his name was.

-HE SNIFFS

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In an attempt to secure some concrete proof, Danny heads outside.

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If I get my hands on one of them, I don't know what I'll do -

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give it a dig and then send it on its way,

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or keep it in a matchbox and make it work, darning my socks.

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I haven't had a chance to think it through.

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There's one! On you come, son! Let's have it!

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Oh...

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Oh, those trickster imps!

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Oh.

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Did you get that?

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They are quick when they scarper.

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He even done one of them.

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I could hear him giggling, the little fiend.

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PHONE RINGS

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Vinnie. Speak.

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Vincent, it's Miranda.

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Don't suppose Game Of Thrones have got back, have they?

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Have you done it again?

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Yes, Vincent, I've done it again.

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What this time?

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I pushed a man off a roof.

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-You've done what?

-It's OK, though.

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The clever policeman put a blow-up mattress on the pavement,

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so no-one died this time.

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I don't suppose you can...

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Hang on. Go on, Rachel.

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Danny Dyer's got an elf problem.

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What is it, his heart? I told him to slow down.

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No, no. He thinks he's seeing elves.

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I told him to slow down!

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I'll call you back.

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What now? Unbelievable.

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-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Who is it?

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It's me, Vinnie. Open up.

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Blimey, Dan, you stink.

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Come in quick.

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Oi, what's all this about you seeing elves?

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Well, look at the evidence, Vin.

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Look at this little snail shell.

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Who's to say they're not using that as a jug, eh?

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And look at this twig -

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it looks like a little staff, don't it?

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Yeah, or it could just be a twig and a shell.

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Oh, yeah? Well, how do you explain this, then?

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A little high-heeled shoe.

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It's a Barbie shoe. It's from your kids.

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What's going on, Dan?

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Your wife's going spare. You've been missing work.

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Your neighbours have seen you taking a dump out there -

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I've had to keep that out of the papers!

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I just need another bit of evidence. I am this close, Vin.

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How long have you had that heater on?

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Oh, all the time.

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I keep it proper toasty in here for me investigations.

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This place is full of carbon monoxide.

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Look at that. The middle circle's turned black!

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Open the doors! Get out of here, quick!

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What? Huh?

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That causes hallucinations - it makes you very sick.

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Oh, oh, you mean...?

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-Yeah, you've been poisoned with carbon monoxide.

-DANNY CHUCKLES

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You mean the elves have been coming in here,

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titting about with my heater?

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This is next level, Vin.

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Look! On the bird table. On your toes, Vin.

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Come on, Vin!

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Rachel, clear Danny's diary.

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He's got health problems.

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No, HEALTH problems.

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DANNY GROANS

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Who would play me in the film of my life?

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"Miranda: The Movie"? Yes, please!

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Easy, that.

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Absolute powerhouse of an actor -

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a lot like Bette Midler, but much, much better than Bette Midler.

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Letitia Dean - Sharon from EastEnders.

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What, a film about Cheryl,

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who made it to superstardom from humble beginnings

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in the face of adversity?

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"Cheryl: The Movie"?

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The casting has already started.

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Well, I would have to say Marlon Brando.

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You know, someone with a big appetite!

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It would have to be someone pretty deep and fully spiritually evolved,

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so...

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Gwen Stefani.

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All the films I've done are basically

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the films of my life, bruv.

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I've done Mad Man, Geezer,

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Bosh, Hooligan 1,

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"Have It, You Muppet"...

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I would play the cha-racter of Mirandy-pants myself, obvs.

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But as it's a movie,

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it would have to be much bigger and more serious than my sitcom Miranda,

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written by and starring me, Miranda,

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that I don't like to talk about.

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..Bosch 2, Bosch Another Day, Hooligan 2,

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Sawn-Off Psycho and...

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Hooligan 3.

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That's what my life is like.

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In the movie,

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I'll probably have to have a sort of car chase

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and get my breasticles out.

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Although not at the same time.

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-Air-bag overload!

-SHE SNORTS

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Good name for a film that, though - Air-Bag Overload.

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I have literally no idea where I'm going with this,

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although I am going to write that down.

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A big part of my job is giving my talent the confidence they need

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to go out there and be the best -

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the best actor, the best singer,

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or in Gregg Wallace's case,

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the best eater of pudding.

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To help maintain confidence, some celebrities seek extra help.

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For Gregg Wallace, this is a weekly meeting with

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a leading celebrity self-help guru -

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his brother, Guy Wallace.

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So, how are you today, Gregg?

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Well, I have been feeling a little bit stressed out recently.

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Don't get me wrong, I love my job!

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I love it! It is lovely!

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But I have been feeling a little bit under pressure

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to constantly like stuff or not like stuff,

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and I don't like it!

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What do you think would be the underlying cause of this stress?

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Are you worried that the public will find out you're essentially

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just a barrow boy who likes his food?

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No. They know that already and they couldn't give a monkey's!

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Oh, well, maybe this anxiety has deeper roots.

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Let's talk about your childhood.

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Well, I did always think that I was in competition with you.

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When we was growing up, you were smarter,

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more confident, happier.

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The truth is, Gregg, we were both good kids growing up,

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but our mum and dad set out to discover which one of us

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had that something special,

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and in the end, there can only be one winner.

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And the winner, in our parents' eyes, is...

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..me!

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-Oh.

-Right, that's it, time's up.

0:16:210:16:24

Very happy now!

0:16:240:16:25

-Come on!

-Come on!

-Let's go!

0:16:250:16:27

Time is up!

0:16:270:16:28

-Come on!

-Come On!

0:16:280:16:30

THEY CHUCKLE

0:16:300:16:32

At Mann Management,

0:16:350:16:36

Vincent has some exciting news for his longest-standing client,

0:16:360:16:39

Joanna Lumley. PHONE RINGS

0:16:390:16:41

Listen, Jo-Jo, a big job's come in for you.

0:16:410:16:44

Which is it - film, travelogue or Gurkha?

0:16:440:16:47

No, better than that.

0:16:470:16:48

It's for the British Government.

0:16:480:16:50

Oh, they want me to be a spy - of course they do.

0:16:500:16:53

Game old Jo-Jo, taking photos with her fake lippy,

0:16:530:16:56

strangling a man with her naked thighs.

0:16:560:16:59

Who else could they choose?

0:16:590:17:01

No, the Government want you to be the face of

0:17:010:17:03

public information films.

0:17:030:17:05

They say the man on the street trusts you, Jo.

0:17:050:17:07

Silly man on the street,

0:17:070:17:08

but, oh, so handsome.

0:17:080:17:10

Tell them I'll do it.

0:17:100:17:11

Great. Right. Now, when are you free?

0:17:110:17:14

Well, today, darling, today.

0:17:140:17:16

-What?

-I was meant to be having lunch with Mick Jagger and Ian Botham,

0:17:160:17:19

-but I got the wrong date.

-Oh, right.

0:17:190:17:21

It turns out barmy old Jo-Jo was looking in her diary from '83.

0:17:210:17:25

Great.

0:17:250:17:26

So, send the British Government round tout suite, Vincenzo.

0:17:260:17:30

Ciao, darling. Ciao.

0:17:300:17:32

Ciao, sweetheart.

0:17:320:17:33

-Oh, God. I forgot mayonnaise.

-SHE SIGHS

0:17:370:17:40

EastEnders star Natalie Cassidy is feeling the strain of

0:17:400:17:44

the work versus life equation.

0:17:440:17:46

Kat! Give us a hand, will you?

0:17:470:17:50

The bag's bleeding split.

0:17:500:17:52

I've got me work cut right out at the moment, I can tell you.

0:17:540:17:58

Don't get me wrong. I ain't complaining.

0:17:590:18:01

It's lovely to be back in the Square.

0:18:010:18:03

As a lesbian, I might add.

0:18:030:18:06

But I've still got a lot on here, what with Dad not being very well.

0:18:070:18:11

Dad, I'm back! Are you all right?

0:18:120:18:15

I'm on me poker!

0:18:150:18:17

'He's into his third year on the sick, bless him.'

0:18:170:18:19

Reversed over a labrador in his lorry -

0:18:190:18:22

traumatised.

0:18:220:18:23

Can't look a dog in the eye.

0:18:230:18:25

Won't even go out without his Beats by Dr Dre on

0:18:250:18:27

in case he hears a yelp.

0:18:270:18:29

Oh, blimey, that's the pilau buggered.

0:18:310:18:34

I've got it all in now.

0:18:340:18:36

If you want something done properly...

0:18:360:18:37

I can't help you now, Nat, my nails are drying.

0:18:370:18:40

You can see that?

0:18:400:18:41

Watch that - it's Dad's pilau.

0:18:410:18:43

You should clear that up, Nat.

0:18:430:18:44

Oh, thanks for your help(!)

0:18:440:18:46

-I'm not helping.

-Yeah, I know.

0:18:460:18:49

'I'm sure that Kat would like to get more involved.'

0:18:490:18:52

She can't help out much, though, what with her modelling.

0:18:520:18:54

I've got me modelling.

0:18:540:18:55

'Tough game, that modelling.'

0:18:550:18:57

Much tougher than the acting, so Kat tells me.

0:18:570:19:00

The last thing she done was that gym advert which was...

0:19:000:19:04

six years ago.

0:19:040:19:05

We have it framed.

0:19:070:19:08

That's her on the right, there -

0:19:090:19:12

her elbow.

0:19:120:19:14

So, what are you getting dolled up for, anyway?

0:19:140:19:16

Nothing. Just normal.

0:19:160:19:18

Anyway, it's Jason's karaoke up the Prince tonight, ain't it?

0:19:180:19:20

No, sis, it's my turn up Jason's karaoke.

0:19:200:19:23

I've been practising on my SingStar.

0:19:230:19:26

I've got 87% on my Buffalo Stance - the crowd were going nuts.

0:19:260:19:30

Yeah.

0:19:300:19:31

Anyway, I'm off.

0:19:310:19:33

Me and Kelis are spray-tanning each other in her garage this afternoon.

0:19:330:19:36

Oh, you're double joking!

0:19:360:19:38

Does that mean I'm taking Dad up the sick again?

0:19:380:19:40

It's not all about you, Nats. God.

0:19:400:19:42

Car keys.

0:19:420:19:44

Yeah.

0:19:460:19:47

Kelis's garage is only round the corner.

0:19:470:19:49

Dad's doctors is up past the big shops.

0:19:490:19:52

Oh, hello, friends.

0:19:550:19:57

This isn't just any public information film -

0:19:570:20:00

this is a Joanna Lumley public information film.

0:20:000:20:04

It's being held in reserve should there be a national pandemic of

0:20:040:20:08

an antibiotic-resistant killer flu,

0:20:080:20:10

which, if you're watching this, there has been.

0:20:100:20:13

If someone you know dies,

0:20:150:20:17

cover your mouth and nose,

0:20:170:20:19

and drag the body outside,

0:20:190:20:21

where you must bury it is as far from your dwelling as possible.

0:20:210:20:25

But please remember to mark the grave -

0:20:250:20:27

perhaps with a wooden spoon that you've painted with your own design.

0:20:270:20:31

Chin up. Stiff upper lip.

0:20:360:20:38

We're all in this together.

0:20:380:20:40

Oh, and I do have to say,

0:20:400:20:41

anyone looting will be shot.

0:20:410:20:44

Are you taking me up the sick, then, or what?

0:20:480:20:50

Yeah. Here, watch that rice.

0:20:500:20:52

Is that my pilau?

0:20:520:20:53

Yeah. Sorry, Dad, I dropped it.

0:20:530:20:55

You want to try and be a bit more like your sister, Nat.

0:20:550:20:58

Kat never drops the rice.

0:20:580:21:00

No. Well, you can't drop it if you're never holding it, can you?

0:21:000:21:04

Oh, no. It's right back here.

0:21:060:21:08

'Every trip out with Dad is a blimming nightmare

0:21:130:21:15

'since his accident.

0:21:150:21:16

'He won't even leave the house until I've done the dog check.'

0:21:160:21:19

Dad, it's all clear!

0:21:200:21:22

Dad! It's all clear!

0:21:260:21:29

All right?

0:21:410:21:43

Come on, then.

0:21:430:21:44

DOG BARKS

0:21:480:21:51

Oh, blimey.

0:21:510:21:52

Dad!

0:21:520:21:54

Dad, it's on the lead!

0:21:540:21:56

'It's the same every time.'

0:21:580:22:00

Kat takes the car somewhere,

0:22:000:22:02

and we can't get nowhere cos of the bleeding dogs.

0:22:020:22:05

'He's all right, though,

0:22:050:22:06

'once he gets home and he's on his poker again.'

0:22:060:22:09

You're all right, ain't you, Dad?

0:22:090:22:11

I'm on me poker!

0:22:110:22:13

I just said that, didn't I?

0:22:130:22:15

PHONE RINGS

0:22:170:22:19

-HE EXHALES

-Vinnie. Speak.

0:22:230:22:25

Vinnie, mate. Fearne-atron.

0:22:250:22:27

Find a pencil.

0:22:270:22:28

Yeah, just give me a sec.

0:22:280:22:29

No, that's the name of the fricking show -

0:22:290:22:31

Find A Pencil with Fearne Cotton.

0:22:310:22:33

You will never guess what I was doing.

0:22:330:22:35

Were you looking for a pencil, Fearne?

0:22:350:22:37

That is why you earn the big bucks, manager, mate.

0:22:370:22:40

I'm thinking web series, lifestyle, a new upload every blimming day -

0:22:400:22:44

the old Cottonmeister gives you daily tips on how to find a pencil.

0:22:440:22:47

It just came to me, mate.

0:22:470:22:49

-Well, that is...

-Hang on, Vince. I haven't finished, mate.

0:22:490:22:52

#Where'sMyBlimmingPencil?

0:22:520:22:55

There. Finished.

0:22:550:22:56

Oh, yeah. I forgot to wait for the hashtag.

0:22:560:23:00

Like I was saying, great idea, Fearne,

0:23:000:23:02

but I'm not sure it's got mass appeal.

0:23:020:23:04

I'm going to stop you there, Vinnie, mate.

0:23:040:23:06

I've just put a Vine out - already had 28 million loops.

0:23:060:23:09

Amazing! Laters, Vineyard.

0:23:090:23:11

I've never felt older.

0:23:170:23:18

I'm really nervous.

0:23:200:23:21

Cocoa nips!

0:23:230:23:25

You confused me, there,

0:23:250:23:27

because you said action and I got my knickers in a twist.

0:23:270:23:30

The most famous person who's said they're a fan of mine?

0:23:300:23:33

Cor, don't know.

0:23:330:23:35

Probably Nick Grimshaw.

0:23:350:23:37

Grimmy!

0:23:370:23:39

He's like the most famous person on the planet right now,

0:23:390:23:41

although he did say he was a fan of mine

0:23:410:23:42

when he was working in a shoe shop in Camden.

0:23:420:23:45

Everyone's a fan of mine, though, innit, mate?

0:23:470:23:50

Probably easier to think of someone who ain't.

0:23:500:23:52

Except it ain't, because everyone I've ever met,

0:23:520:23:54

from Becks to Bill Clinton, worships the ground I walk on.

0:23:540:23:57

Mental, isn't it?

0:23:570:23:58

The most famous person who says they're a fan of mine?

0:23:580:24:02

I think it was Brad Pitt.

0:24:020:24:05

Yeah. Brad Pitt.

0:24:050:24:07

# Hello

0:24:070:24:09

# It's me... #

0:24:090:24:10

Yes, it's me. Yes, it's me. Blah, blah, blah.

0:24:100:24:13

Fucking hell, when do I get to go home?

0:24:130:24:15

He called me on the telephone, actually,

0:24:160:24:18

after he watched the first episode of Miranda. Yeah.

0:24:180:24:22

He said that he hadn't been this turned on watching a sitcom

0:24:220:24:24

since Mrs Brown's Boys.

0:24:240:24:27

He's not even a real lady, so...

0:24:280:24:31

hello-o.

0:24:310:24:33

The most famous person who's said they're a fan of mine?

0:24:330:24:36

Definitely Brian Dowling from Big Brother 2.

0:24:380:24:41

It did my nut in when he came up to me in Club Aquarium in Basildon.

0:24:410:24:45

Elvis bloody Presley, darling.

0:24:450:24:47

He still sends me letters from his secret hideaway in Guatemala.

0:24:470:24:51

Oh, bugger. I don't think I was meant to say that.

0:24:510:24:53

Will you take that out?

0:24:530:24:55

-SHE INHALES

-Tough one, erm...

0:24:550:24:57

because we've got so many famous fans, but...

0:24:570:25:00

probably Sara Lee.

0:25:000:25:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That woman really knows her way around a cake.

0:25:010:25:04

I'd go so far as to say she's a gateau superstar.

0:25:040:25:07

That was a bit Corny-etto, though, mate.

0:25:080:25:10

That doesn't work, does it, Mel?

0:25:100:25:12

Have you been injured in an accident that wasn't your fault?

0:25:160:25:20

Only joking. It's not one of those dreadful things.

0:25:200:25:22

Unfortunately, it's far worse.

0:25:220:25:24

This is a government information film,

0:25:240:25:26

and if you are watching this,

0:25:260:25:28

then there is an imminent, full-scale nuclear assault

0:25:280:25:31

on Great Britain in less than ten minutes,

0:25:310:25:34

and they've asked me to tell you in a smouldering, breathy,

0:25:340:25:38

thinking man's crumpet kind of way, not to panic.

0:25:380:25:41

So, let us maintain that

0:25:440:25:45

stiff upper lip and take a moment to reflect on Great Britain.

0:25:450:25:49

The dizzying confusion of Flying Ant Day,

0:25:490:25:51

the endless conundrum of what saveloys were made of,

0:25:510:25:54

penny sweets, tea towels, Andi Peters...

0:25:540:25:57

What was it all about, eh?

0:25:570:25:59

Goodbye, Great Britain.

0:25:590:26:00

SIREN BLARES

0:26:000:26:02

Oh, bugger.

0:26:020:26:04

SIREN CONTINUES

0:26:040:26:07

DOGS BARK

0:26:100:26:12

At the Cassidy house,

0:26:120:26:14

Natalie is ready for a rare night out at her local.

0:26:140:26:17

I'm just booking me Uber.

0:26:180:26:21

Oh, Aziz, three minutes.

0:26:210:26:23

All right, I'm off down the Prince to see Jason.

0:26:230:26:25

How many times, silly?

0:26:250:26:27

It's my turn down the Prince.

0:26:270:26:28

No. I checked the calendar.

0:26:280:26:30

It's definitely my turn.

0:26:300:26:32

I remember swapping.

0:26:320:26:33

I don't remember that.

0:26:350:26:36

I do.

0:26:360:26:37

Fair dos.

0:26:400:26:41

I suppose I could come down later.

0:26:410:26:42

-Once I've put Dad down, I could...

-Bye!

0:26:420:26:45

DOOR CLOSES

0:26:450:26:47

SHE SIGHS

0:26:490:26:51

Oh, well.

0:26:510:26:53

'Yeah. I suppose it would have been nice to have a night out,'

0:26:530:26:56

but, knowing me, I'd have had one Bacardi too many

0:26:560:26:59

and woken up with a sore noggin,

0:26:590:27:01

which is no good for learning my lesbian Sonia lines.

0:27:010:27:04

Anyway, I'm sure it'll be my turn next week

0:27:050:27:08

down the karaoke at the Prince with Jason.

0:27:080:27:10

In the meantime, a bit more practice never hurt -

0:27:120:27:15

see if I can get up to 90% on my SingStar.

0:27:150:27:19

MUSIC: Buffalo Stance by Neneh Cherry

0:27:190:27:21

# Oh, yeah

0:27:210:27:24

# DJ

0:27:240:27:26

# Who-who-who-who-who...

0:27:260:27:27

-SHE SINGS ALONG

-# Who's that gigolo on the street

0:27:270:27:29

# With his hands in his pockets and his crocodile feet?

0:27:290:27:32

# Hanging off the kerb Looking all disturbed

0:27:320:27:34

# At the boys from home They all come running

0:27:340:27:36

# They were making noise Manhandling toys

0:27:360:27:38

# That's the girls from the block with the nasty curls

0:27:380:27:41

# Wearing padded bras Sucking beers through straws

0:27:410:27:43

# Down their drawers Where did you get yours? #

0:27:430:27:46

# Gigolo

0:27:460:27:47

# Huh, sucker? Gigolo

0:27:470:27:50

# Gigolo

0:27:500:27:51

# Huh, sucker? #

0:27:510:27:53

Yeah!

0:27:530:27:55

# Who's looking good today?

0:27:550:27:57

# Who's looking good in every way?

0:27:570:27:59

# No style rookie

0:27:590:28:01

# You better watch

0:28:010:28:02

# Don't mess with me

0:28:020:28:04

# No moneyman can win my love

0:28:050:28:10

# It's sweetness that I'm thinking of

0:28:100:28:14

# No moneyman can win my love

0:28:140:28:19

# It's sweetness that I'm thinking of... #

0:28:190:28:23

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