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In a town as old as Pawnee, there's a lot of history in every acre. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
This wooded area is the site of, um, the murder, actually, | 0:00:05 | 0:00:09 | |
of Nathaniel Bixby Mark. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:11 | |
He was a pioneer who was killed by a tribe of Wamapoke Indians, | 0:00:11 | 0:00:15 | |
after he traded them a baby for what is now Indianapolis. | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
They cut his face off. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:21 | |
And they made it into a dream catcher. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:24 | |
And they made his legs into rain sticks. | 0:00:24 | 0:00:26 | |
And that's the great thing about Indians, back then, is, | 0:00:26 | 0:00:29 | |
they used every part of the pioneer. | 0:00:29 | 0:00:31 | |
Today is a great day for the Knope family. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:54 | |
My mother is being honoured at a banquet with the Tellenson Award | 0:00:54 | 0:00:57 | |
for Excellence in Pawnee Public Service. | 0:00:57 | 0:01:00 | |
The award's named after the legendary Tony Tellenson, | 0:01:00 | 0:01:03 | |
who was a great man. Sorry, IS a great man. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:06 | |
I, for one, am glad that they're keeping him alive. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:10 | |
I saw you survive that town hall meeting. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:12 | |
Keep that up and you're going to be figuring out | 0:01:12 | 0:01:14 | |
what wall to put your own Tellenson Award on. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
Oh, I already know, the one on the left where the American flag is. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
But I think we could be a multi-generational | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
political dynasty, you and I, you know? | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
Like the Kennedys, or the Bushes. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
Minus the drinking problem. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:28 | |
I mean no disrespect. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:30 | |
The only reason anybody's going to this thing | 0:01:30 | 0:01:32 | |
is because they're afraid of what Marlene'll do to them if they don't. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
That woman is tough. In 1994, I gave her a nickname. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:39 | |
It's unrepeatable, but it stuck. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:43 | |
It's my proudest accomplishment. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
-It's "The Iron -BLEEP -of Pawnee." | 0:01:46 | 0:01:50 | |
This is very exciting. This is a big night. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:54 | |
We're going to meet some powerful people tonight, so take this down. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:57 | |
Mmm-hmm. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:58 | |
Good evening. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
Marlene Griggs-Knope is my mother. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:03 | |
How important are speeches? | 0:02:03 | 0:02:05 | |
I don't know, ask the Gettysburg Address. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:07 | |
Oh, it didn't answer your call? | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
Maybe because it was in the Smithsonian. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
It was a great learning experience because my mom casts a long shadow. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:15 | |
Read that part back to me. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
"I was learning-disabled and my mom cast a very long shadow." | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
No, I didn't say "learning-disabled." | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
Um, we'll just move on. We can fix that later. Long shadow, go. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:25 | |
I've lost my momentum now. OK, let's start from the top. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
What's the first sentence again? | 0:02:27 | 0:02:28 | |
"Marlene Griggs-Knope is morbidly obese." | 0:02:28 | 0:02:31 | |
I never said "obese." I said "is my mother." | 0:02:33 | 0:02:35 | |
Oh, sorry. I got it. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:36 | |
I need to mention the park and in a very subtle way, | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
I need to let people know that I'm forging my own path and I have my own subcommittee. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:43 | |
But I don't want to sound braggy. What do I do? | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
It's about appearing humble. Abraham Lincoln, when he started his speeches, | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
he would come up and say, "My name's Abraham Lincoln. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
"I'm the President of the United States. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
"But I'll be honest with you. I've no clue what I'm doing." | 0:02:53 | 0:02:55 | |
-Maybe start off with something like that. -OK. So, I start off with, "I'm Leslie Knope. | 0:02:55 | 0:02:58 | |
"I'm Deputy Director of Parks and Recreation, | 0:02:58 | 0:03:00 | |
"and to be honest with you, I don't know what I'm doing." | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
Yeah. Then, I think what we want to do at that point is start getting the energy up. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:06 | |
-Yeah. -How about this? | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
"Marlene Griggs-Knope is definitely not a whore." | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
-No. -"Marlene Griggs-Knope | 0:03:11 | 0:03:12 | |
"has not five but seven Asian friends. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:15 | |
"Marlene Griggs-Knope has never solicited a male prostitute. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
"Marlene Griggs-Knope has said the N-word only four times in her entire life." | 0:03:18 | 0:03:23 | |
-No! No! -She said it more than that? | 0:03:23 | 0:03:26 | |
PLAYING GUITAR | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
DOOR OPENS | 0:03:28 | 0:03:29 | |
How about this one? | 0:03:31 | 0:03:32 | |
-That's hot. -Seriously? | 0:03:33 | 0:03:35 | |
Yes. That's really hot. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
How come you don't dress up like that for me? | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
Well, Cos I would feel a little silly | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
putting on a nice dress to go to "the couch." | 0:03:41 | 0:03:43 | |
BOTH LAUGHING | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
I haven't been out in so long. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
Andy being in a cast has definitely put a crimp in our social life. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
I don't really know Leslie's mom, | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
and I don't know what the Tellenson Award is, | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
but at this moment in my life, | 0:03:56 | 0:03:59 | |
it sounds like a magical evening. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
Babe, I'm out of milk. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
How dressy is this, exactly? | 0:04:06 | 0:04:08 | |
To the max. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:09 | |
It's THE most exclusive local government event of the year. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
-Really? -Yeah. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
The Tellensons is like the Oscars times the Grammys plus the Super Bowl. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:18 | |
Wow. OK. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:19 | |
Um, I should probably change. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
I'm headed to the salon right now. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
Salvatore Manfrelotti has been cutting hair | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
across from Pioneer Hall since 1958. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:29 | |
All the movers and shakers who come through Pawnee | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
have sat in that chair at one point or another. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
I mean, he's the guy that made Larry Bird look the way he does. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
Next. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:37 | |
So, what's the inside scoop, Salvatore? | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
My feet hurt. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:42 | |
SHE LAUGHS Classic Salvatore! | 0:04:42 | 0:04:45 | |
Do I know you? | 0:04:45 | 0:04:46 | |
Uh, no. This is my first official political haircut. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
I'm Leslie Knope, Deputy Director of Parks and Recreation. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
Are you related to that Marlene Something-Knope? | 0:04:52 | 0:04:55 | |
That depends. Would you call being her daughter related? | 0:04:55 | 0:04:59 | |
What the hell else would you call it? | 0:04:59 | 0:05:02 | |
Now, what do you want me to do with this? | 0:05:02 | 0:05:03 | |
Well, my mom is being honoured tonight. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
So, in a way, I am also being honoured. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:08 | |
And I just wanted to mix things up a little bit, you know? | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
Pin it up, something sassy, but powerful and dynastic. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:14 | |
Hi, April. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
Good evening, sir. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
I'm off the clock, April. You don't need to call me sir. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
Salvatore calls this hairdo "The Mayor." | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
And yes, I will wear my hair like this | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
when I am the first female mayor of Pawnee. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:35 | |
Oh, man, I am way overdressed. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:38 | |
What are you talking about? You look great. We look great. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:41 | |
Everyone's looking at us. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:42 | |
Yeah, I know. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
-You want a drink? -Yes, I do very much want a drink. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:47 | |
That man is staring. | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
That's former City Councilman Frank Schnable. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
Oh, we are in rarefied air tonight, Ann. Rarefied air! | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
-He's coming over. -What? OK. Be cool, be cool! | 0:05:54 | 0:05:57 | |
I will try. | 0:05:57 | 0:05:58 | |
-Hello. -Hello, former City Councilman. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
I am Leslie Knope. I am the daughter of the honouree this evening. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
I just wanted to tell you that I think | 0:06:03 | 0:06:05 | |
that what you two are doing is so brave. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
Just being who you are. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:11 | |
I wish I had your courage. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:13 | |
OK, let's go. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:18 | |
I enjoy government functions | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
like I enjoy getting kicked in the nuggets with a steel-toe boot. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:28 | |
But this hotel always serves bacon-wrapped shrimp. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:32 | |
That's my number one favourite food wrapped around my number three favourite food. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:36 | |
I'd go to a banquet and honour of those Somali pirates, | 0:06:36 | 0:06:38 | |
if they served bacon-wrapped shrimp. Excuse me. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:41 | |
-Hey, Table 12. Can I get a "what what?" -Wow. -Thank you. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:45 | |
I mean, Ann, you look stunning, but, Leslie, wow. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:49 | |
-I was going for wow. -You got it. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:51 | |
I was told it was black tie. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
-I like your hairdo, Leslie. -Thank you, Ron. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
It's just like my brother's. He's an officer in the Air Force. | 0:06:56 | 0:06:59 | |
Bacon-wrapped shrimp. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:01 | |
Oh. Thanks, I'm OK. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:02 | |
I wasn't offering. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:03 | |
SHE GASPS Oh, Ann, don't look. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
No, no, I said don't look. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:07 | |
Seated behind us is Janine Restrepo. | 0:07:07 | 0:07:10 | |
We need to rezone the pit to turn it into a park | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
and she's on the zoning board. Oh, what a night! Please. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:16 | |
This is so cool. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:17 | |
At that table are all eight living Tellenson Award winners. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:20 | |
Bert Winfield, Geoffrey Morglesberg, Quentin Arble, Dawn Krink, | 0:07:20 | 0:07:24 | |
Michael Holloway, I don't know who that is, that's somebody's wife, | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
Horace Rangel, Wilmer Vism and Oscar Pfortmiller. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:31 | |
Wait. Oscar Pfortmiller is dead. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:32 | |
That's his disappointing son, Theo. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
Another dynasty. What a testament to my mother. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
If a bomb went off in here, | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
it would definitely make the Indianapolis papers. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
Guys, we have to get me to talk to Janine Restrepo. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
She's right behind us and she could rezone our park. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:45 | |
Well, then just go up there and say hello and start talking to her. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:48 | |
Brilliant political strategy, Mark. SHE CHUCKLES | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
Maybe I should mention her massive weight loss. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:53 | |
You're over-thinking this. | 0:07:53 | 0:07:54 | |
Here, I'm going to pretend to be Janine Restrepo. You, be you. Go. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:59 | |
Hello, Madame Zoning Board Member Janine Restrepo. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
I am Leslie Knope from the Parks... What are you doing? | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
Oh, I'm Pawnee Zoning Board Member Janine Restrepo. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
And I can do whatever I want. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:08 | |
Please, tell me about this park that you badly need rezoned by me. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
OK, well, I think it would be a good idea | 0:08:11 | 0:08:12 | |
-to have a multi-use community park. -Oh. Do you? | 0:08:12 | 0:08:15 | |
-Oh! -Wait, what's that? | 0:08:15 | 0:08:16 | |
What? I'm just former City Councilman Frank Whatever-The-Hell. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:19 | |
And I have more power than Janine Restrepo, so I can do whatever I want. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:21 | |
I don't even know if that's true or not. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:22 | |
Oh, my God, really? Well, I'm Marlene Griggs-Knope | 0:08:22 | 0:08:25 | |
and I will destroy you all! | 0:08:25 | 0:08:26 | |
ALL THREE LAUGHING | 0:08:26 | 0:08:29 | |
What the hell are you guys doing? | 0:08:29 | 0:08:30 | |
It's fun to pretend to be zoning board members. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:08:33 | 0:08:34 | |
Hey! Hi! | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
Hey... | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
My goodness. Look at you. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
You like? I went to Salvatore. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:42 | |
Salvatore usually does men. Usually. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
-But this time he made an exception. -Hmm. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
This is Ann Perkins. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:48 | |
Oh, right, Leslie's new friend. | 0:08:48 | 0:08:50 | |
Yeah, friend. She's... We're friends. Just friends. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:53 | |
I have a boyfriend. He's a man. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
So, I need your advice. I'm seated near Janine Restrepo. | 0:08:56 | 0:08:59 | |
The queen of the zoning board? | 0:08:59 | 0:09:02 | |
-Am I the only -BLEEP -Person here who doesn't know Janine Restrepo? | 0:09:02 | 0:09:06 | |
I think she could be very useful. What's my in? | 0:09:06 | 0:09:09 | |
Oh, let's see. You wrote a speech? | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
Yes. It's 22 minutes long, with the song. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
I could cut the song. The song's cut. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:15 | |
Scrap the whole thing. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
Let's make the speech work for us. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
Oh, politics! Yes! My mom is crazy good at this. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:23 | |
OK, the two things you have going for you | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
is your connection with me, of course, | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
and the fact that Restrepo loves feeling important. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
-So make sure that you butter her up. -I will. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:33 | |
I'll make her feel like a human dinner roll. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
Hello, everyone. I'm Leslie Knope, Marlene's daughter. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:38 | |
ALL APPLAUDING | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
Marlene Griggs-Knope is my mom, but she's so much more than that. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:45 | |
She's also my mother. And together, we are the Knopes. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:50 | |
And if you weren't thinking it, | 0:09:50 | 0:09:52 | |
you probably already said it, "political dynasty." | 0:09:52 | 0:09:54 | |
ALL LAUGHING | 0:09:54 | 0:09:56 | |
Please save your applause until the end. | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
There are so many luminaries here tonight. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
I mean, the list includes such amazing people as | 0:10:00 | 0:10:04 | |
zoning board member Janine Restrepo... | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:10:07 | 0:10:10 | |
..and others. In conclusion, my mom is Marlene Griggs-Knope. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:16 | |
And I am just so psyched that Janine Restrepo is here. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:20 | |
I love you, Mom. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:22 | |
ALL APPLAUDING | 0:10:22 | 0:10:24 | |
And you, too, Janine. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
-You're the man, Leslie! -Thanks, Tom. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:29 | |
Hi, Ann. I wish I could talk. Moving and shaking. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:32 | |
This is my evening. I'm Leslie's trophy wife. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:37 | |
I'd like to invite anyone who has a few words to say to Marlene | 0:10:37 | 0:10:40 | |
to come up during dinner. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:42 | |
Hello, Pawnee government! My name is Tom Haverford. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:46 | |
And if five years ago, you told me I was going to be in this ballroom | 0:10:46 | 0:10:50 | |
with Marlene Griggs-Knope, I would've guessed we were getting married. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:54 | |
ALL LAUGHING | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
Janine? Hi. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:58 | |
Hi. Have we ever met? | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
No, but I am a big fan. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
-I'm Marlene's daughter. -Yeah, I got that. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
Right, and I would love to speak to you | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
about the ways we can improve our city. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:09 | |
OK, well, call my secretary, | 0:11:09 | 0:11:10 | |
and maybe we can set something up for next month. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
-OK. -OK. -OK. -All right. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:14 | |
-Next month, then. Fine. -Uh-huh. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:16 | |
Bye. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:17 | |
Andy, I can't leave now. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
I'll get one for you on the way home. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
OK, meatball and ham. Wait, is that two different subs? Really? | 0:11:22 | 0:11:26 | |
I don't know if they can do that. | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
Come on! I'm serious! | 0:11:28 | 0:11:30 | |
Now, the words "too sexy" aren't really in my vocabulary, | 0:11:30 | 0:11:36 | |
but, Marlene, girl, you are too sexy! | 0:11:36 | 0:11:39 | |
ALL LAUGHING | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
I refuse to lather Marlene up, kiss her ring like everybody else. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:46 | |
Instead I'll be delivering a speech of facts. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
Marlene is a woman. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:53 | |
She has worked in the government for three decades. 30 years. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:57 | |
Properly applied, that's how long a good varnish should last. | 0:11:57 | 0:12:03 | |
So, Marlene, | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
it is true that you have won this award. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
Brendanawicz. Let's bounce. We're going to be late. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:13 | |
-For what? -Ladies. Scully's Bar. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
Let's go. Bounce, bounce, bounce. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:16 | |
No. Please, you guys are the only people here I know. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
Uh, well, this thing's kind of wrapping up. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:20 | |
Maybe we could leave a little later. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:22 | |
Uh, it's 9:30, on a Friday night in Pawnee. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:24 | |
There's not going to be a later, Mark. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:26 | |
Come on, now, you promised we'd go hit on chicks. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
Maybe you and Leslie can join us at the bar. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:31 | |
Look, I would love to come hit on chicks with you guys, | 0:12:31 | 0:12:35 | |
but she seems kind of engaged in something | 0:12:35 | 0:12:38 | |
and I think I should probably stay. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:39 | |
-You'd hit on chicks? For real? -All right, you know what? | 0:12:39 | 0:12:42 | |
We're going to be at Scully's if you two can tear yourselves away. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:45 | |
Let's do this, Mark. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:46 | |
It went really well with Restrepo. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:48 | |
She said I should call her and we can set something up next month. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
Did she say call her or call her secretary? | 0:12:50 | 0:12:52 | |
Secretary. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:53 | |
That's good, right? Secretary makes her schedule. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:56 | |
That's great, honey. She's blowing us off. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
What? No! Really? | 0:12:58 | 0:13:00 | |
Honey, she's totally blowing us off. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
What? That is not conduct worthy of the zoning board. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:06 | |
She's a little weasel. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:07 | |
OK, I didn't want to have to use this, | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
but her husband got a DUI in Illinois last week. | 0:13:10 | 0:13:14 | |
And she's trying to keep it quiet. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
Well, everyone has their problems. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
So, what should my next tactic be? | 0:13:19 | 0:13:22 | |
The DUI, Leslie. Let her know you know all about it, | 0:13:22 | 0:13:26 | |
connect it to what you want, | 0:13:26 | 0:13:27 | |
and then tell her if she doesn't help you, and soon, | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
you're going to tell everybody in town. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
I don't think I could do that! | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
I mean, I want to win a Tellenson Award some day. | 0:13:34 | 0:13:36 | |
They don't give lifetime achievement awards | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
to people who do things like that. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:39 | |
Sweetheart, they ONLY give lifetime achievement awards | 0:13:39 | 0:13:42 | |
to people who do things like that. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
Those are eight of the nastiest, most diabolical people | 0:13:44 | 0:13:47 | |
you could ever want to meet. Bert Winfield was a blackmailer. | 0:13:47 | 0:13:51 | |
And Dawn Krink slept her way to the top of the DMV. | 0:13:51 | 0:13:54 | |
Trip Holloway named names in the '50s. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:57 | |
Horace Rangel used the police department to harass journalists. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
And Jesus, honey. Tony Tellenson was the worst. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:04 | |
He tried to re-segregate the drinking fountains. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:07 | |
Hey, Ann, where's Mark? | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
He left with Tom. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:13 | |
Shoot! I have a tough assignment, and I need his help with it. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
I could help. Give me something to do. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:18 | |
OK, apparently Restrepo was trying to blow us off, | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
so my mom has a plan. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:21 | |
We're going to twist her arm a little bit. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:23 | |
She's trying to cover up for the fact that she has a husband who likes to | 0:14:23 | 0:14:27 | |
vroom-vroom-vroom-vroom and glug-glug-glug-glug-glug. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
So you're going to blackmail her? | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
No, I'm just going to get tough with her, Tellenson-style. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:36 | |
That doesn't sound tough to me, that sounds slimy. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:38 | |
It sounds like your mom's telling you to be slimy. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:40 | |
Ann, you don't understand politics. Look, nursing is easy. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
-Really? -Yeah. You just go to work, | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
and people come in, and you heal them. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:46 | |
But politics is different, you know? | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
Sometimes you have to bring the pain. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:50 | |
You can't let yourself get taken advantage of. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:53 | |
I think your mom's giving you bad advice. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
I don't think so. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:56 | |
You just do everything your mom tells you to do? | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
You just do everything your boyfriend tells you to do? | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
Make any pancakes lately? | 0:15:01 | 0:15:02 | |
He has two broken legs. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:04 | |
Yeah, and he's got three crutches. And one of them is you! | 0:15:04 | 0:15:07 | |
-And the other two are crutches. -You know, I don't need to be here. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
SHE SCOFFS | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
It's OK. You're allowed to fight. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:17 | |
You two are just like everyone else. | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
Thank you, | 0:15:21 | 0:15:23 | |
former Councilman Schnable. | 0:15:23 | 0:15:26 | |
And now, a very special message from Mr Anthony Tellenson himself, | 0:15:27 | 0:15:31 | |
recorded earlier this year from his hospital bed, | 0:15:31 | 0:15:34 | |
before he lost the power of speech. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:37 | |
I'm leaving now, honey. | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
Cool Ranch, got it. Anything else? | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
Mmm... I'm not sure I'm going to be able to get those tonight. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
Well, Cos I don't think I can find a store that's open that sells slippers. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
I've been dying to go out with Mark. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:58 | |
Always thought we'd make a great team. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
You know? He's handsome, I'm a cutie pie. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:02 | |
He's laid back. I'm more in your face, but in a fun way. | 0:16:02 | 0:16:04 | |
Ladies don't stand a chance. | 0:16:04 | 0:16:06 | |
-Uh... What's with the hat? -It's called peacocking. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
Basically, I'm wearing something | 0:16:09 | 0:16:10 | |
that kind of makes me stand out, like a peacock. | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
So, the girls will be like, "Hey, what's with that hat?" | 0:16:13 | 0:16:15 | |
-I'm going to go peacock it out. I'll be back. -OK. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:18 | |
ALL APPLAUDING | 0:16:18 | 0:16:19 | |
Thank you, Tony, for those inspiring twitches and blinks. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:26 | |
I think we're going to meet a little earlier than what you said. How about Monday? | 0:16:28 | 0:16:32 | |
Call my secretary and we'll set it up. | 0:16:32 | 0:16:34 | |
Not good enough. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:35 | |
-Not good enough? -Nope. | 0:16:35 | 0:16:37 | |
I know about things. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
Well, my schedule is my schedule. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
So, I'm just going to get back to my dessert. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:45 | |
Drive much? | 0:16:47 | 0:16:49 | |
-Excuse me? -Your husband. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:51 | |
Does he drive much | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
out of state? | 0:16:54 | 0:16:55 | |
I know that your husband is a drunk driver. My mom told me. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:02 | |
What do you want? | 0:17:04 | 0:17:06 | |
Uh... | 0:17:06 | 0:17:08 | |
Just saying. I... | 0:17:08 | 0:17:09 | |
SHE GASPS | 0:17:11 | 0:17:12 | |
-Get out. -Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. -Mmm-hmm. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:16 | |
-I don't know what came over me. -Leave. -I hope your husband gets help | 0:17:16 | 0:17:19 | |
and that you have a long and happy marriage. | 0:17:19 | 0:17:21 | |
Stacy, Becky tells me that you two are both real estate agents. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:25 | |
-That must be fun. -Uh-huh. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:27 | |
Any cool stories you got, huh? | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
-Um... -What do you mean? | 0:17:30 | 0:17:31 | |
Like, I don't know, anything weird or funny happen | 0:17:31 | 0:17:34 | |
when you guys are showing people houses? | 0:17:34 | 0:17:36 | |
Um... | 0:17:36 | 0:17:37 | |
One time, I forgot my keys to one of the houses. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
-SHE LAUGHS -Whoa! | 0:17:40 | 0:17:41 | |
-Oh, my God, you do that, too? -Yeah. -I've done that. That's the worst. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:44 | |
Then you have to drive all the way back, and then you have to be like, "I forgot my keys." | 0:17:44 | 0:17:47 | |
And then they're like, "You did that twice." | 0:17:47 | 0:17:49 | |
Look at these guys! The key-forgetting twins! | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
I'll be right back. | 0:17:56 | 0:17:58 | |
Can I settle up, please? | 0:17:58 | 0:18:00 | |
Dude. What is your problem? | 0:18:00 | 0:18:01 | |
-What? -Becky and Stacy are both really into you, | 0:18:01 | 0:18:04 | |
and you're blowing it with them. And that's making them lose interest in me. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
-Becky and Stacy are boring. -I need you back there, man. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
I've seen you hook up with more trashy chicks | 0:18:09 | 0:18:11 | |
in the last year than I can count, all right? | 0:18:11 | 0:18:13 | |
If there was a Tellenson Award for hooking up with trashy chicks all the time, | 0:18:13 | 0:18:16 | |
you'd have several of those awards. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:18 | |
You're the king. You're my hero. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:21 | |
Tom, I'm going to get out of here. I'll see you Monday, OK? | 0:18:21 | 0:18:24 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:18:24 | 0:18:25 | |
-Hey. -Hi. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:31 | |
Come on in. | 0:18:31 | 0:18:32 | |
I just wanted to tell you that I didn't go through with it, | 0:18:32 | 0:18:35 | |
blackmailing that woman. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
I tried, but I just couldn't do it. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
Good. That's a good thing. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
It wasn't you. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
You know, there was definitely some truth | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
about that thing you said about me and Andy. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
No. What? | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
Yeah. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:52 | |
-I'm sorry. -Me, too. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:55 | |
Oh. | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
Whoa! Hey! What the hell? | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
Oh. Hi, Leslie. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:03 | |
I thought you were a dude. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
The people who win awards aren't always the best people. | 0:19:06 | 0:19:09 | |
I mean, I think Ann and I are really good people, | 0:19:09 | 0:19:12 | |
and someday others will see that and we'll get our due. | 0:19:12 | 0:19:16 | |
Would I like to win a Tellenson Award like my mom did? Sure. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:19 | |
But my dad never won an award, and he was always happy. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:23 | |
He lives in Florida, in a cemetery. | 0:19:23 | 0:19:26 | |
The point is, my mom is alive and I love her. She's one tough cookie. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:30 | |
-That's why everybody calls her "The Iron -BLEEP -of Pawnee." | 0:19:30 | 0:19:35 | |
Fondly. | 0:19:38 | 0:19:39 | |
Yes, I'm married. But my wife understands that a good | 0:19:39 | 0:19:43 | |
politician has to be appealing to the ladies. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
The fact that I haven't even gotten close to cheating on her | 0:19:45 | 0:19:48 | |
is a disappointment to both of us. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:49 | |
You like the colour orange? Carrots? You into those? | 0:19:49 | 0:19:52 |