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New

Sandi Toksvig finds out what's new with Jo Brand, Clive Anderson, Jimmy Carr and Alan Davies.


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This programme contains some strong language

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello! Thank you very much!

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Hello, and welcome to QI, where tonight everything is new.

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Please welcome the new faces.

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New kid on the block, it's Jimmy Carr.

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APPLAUSE

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The new-fangled Clive Anderson.

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-APPLAUSE

-Oh, thank you.

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The brand-new Jo Brand.

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APPLAUSE

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And the ruddy nuisance Alan Davies.

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APPLAUSE

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Let's hear your news. Jimmy goes...

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# New York, New York. #

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Clive goes...

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# Happy New Year Happy New Year. #

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Jo goes...

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# Poppa's got a brand-new bag. #

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And Alan goes...

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# You won't find another fool like me. #

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The New Seekers.

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-So much better than the old seekers.

-Absolutely.

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So, a nice easy one to start with.

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What is this island called?

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Newfoundland.

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KLAXON BLARES

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No.

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I'm going to have to shoot you now.

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Eh, no.

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It isn't the correct pronunciation.

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NOOf'nd-lund.

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KLAXON BLARES

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Hey, hey, hey, enough violence on this show.

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Noof'nd-LAND is the correct pronunciation

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and in 1876 a man was killed

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during a brawl over the correct pronunciation.

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Well, we were lucky, weren't we? We got off lightly.

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It was two mill workers, William Atchison and John Davis.

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One thought it was NewFOUNDland and one thought it was NewfoundLAND.

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Atchison threw a punch, Davis drew his gun and killed Atchison.

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He got away, Davis, and he spent 37 years on the run,

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-so it's a really...

-Davis?

-Yes, Davis.

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Any relation?

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-Possibly.

-John Davis.

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-Dangerous man.

-I have a great-uncle who emigrated to Canada.

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-Did he go to NewfoundLAND?

-Noof-ndLAND.

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I think he went to Quebec, actually.

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Noof'ndLAND.

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-And you inherited your shirt from him?

-Yes.

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Anyway, just to finish this story, Davis, who killed Atchison,

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he ran away for 37 years and then, on his deathbed, 1912,

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he's in a hospital in Peoria in Illinois and he felt so bad about it

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that he confesses on his deathbed

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and then recovered and had to go on the run again.

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I think he said, "I did that murder in NEWfoundland."

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"No, it's NewFOUNDland."

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Actually, both men were right, because at the time,

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both pronunciations were perfectly acceptable.

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It's only fairly recently that people have got a bit...

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What's it now? Without looking.

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-Noof'ndLAND.

-Noof'ndLAND.

-Noof'ndLAND.

-OK.

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Presumably if people are watching this in Newfoundland,

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they're shouting at the television.

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-Yes, they probably are.

-"They're all idiots!"

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I have a constant argument with the pronunciation of Canadian places.

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My other half is Canadian and everything seems to be pronounced

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a little bit faster than it should be.

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-So it's Trono, not Toronto.

-Oh, is it?

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-Trono?

-Trono. Like, as quick as you possibly can.

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Like, it's a crime to say it - Trono.

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-I love Toronto. There used to be a bar there called...

-Trono!

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-Sorry, Trono.

-Trono! Trono!

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There used to be a bar there called the Betty Ford Clinic.

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And what's not to like?

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Some fantastic names in Newfoundland.

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Conception Bay South is the second-largest town.

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Conception Bay South is, yeah...

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Conception Bay South, maybe there's a North.

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That's what I call it, she doesn't like it.

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She thinks it's too formal.

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Come on, love, let's have a look at Conception Bay South.

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I bought you dinner, we saw the movie you wanted, come on.

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Before moving on to Conception Bay North, I suppose.

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Well, that's a special treat for birthdays.

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-It's possible...

-Which way up is she? Hang on.

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It's possible that a girl may prefer the Newfoundland town of Dildo.

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Or Eastern Tickle.

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Which I like very much.

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-Do you?

-Yeah.

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-Thanks for sharing.

-Not bad for me age. Erm...

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Newfoundland, what's interesting about it,

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the very first part of the British Empire, 1583.

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It's the very first bit of England's first overseas territory,

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Sir Humphrey Gilbert claimed Newfoundland in 1583.

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Now, here is a chance for some easy points.

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When Europeans first arrived in New York, what did they call it?

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PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BAG PLAYS

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-Jo.

-New Amsterdam.

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KLAXON BLARES

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But it's an Elvis Costello song, it must be right.

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And that's why I said it.

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I think either the Spanish or the French were there first,

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so it was either New Madrid or New Paris or nouvelle

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cuisine or something like that.

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It was the French and it was New Angouleme.

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Well, there you go.

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It was Giovanni da Verrazzano who first named it.

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A Florentine working for the French crown and he absolutely wanted to

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favour the French king, Francis I,

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who was originally Francis of Angouleme,

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that's where he came from.

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He must have been very pleased when he got there

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that he could buy a stick of rock to take home.

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It's got New Angouleme all the way through it.

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The weird thing about him, Verrazzano,

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there's loads of things in New York named after him

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and every single sign has his name misspelled.

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It's supposed to be double Z.

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And nobody quite knows whether they didn't have enough Zs in the

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sign-making department.

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They've misspelled park way and bridge, as well,

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so they're obviously not very good.

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-So, here's a fact about New York...

-Go.

-..which is quite interesting.

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Gotham, I think I know the history of Gotham.

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Because it's a small village outside Nottingham.

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Where local idiots would live

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and someone wrote this book called The Merry Men Of Gotham.

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So, then, about 100 years later,

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there's a writer in New York and he compares New York,

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he says they're all mad here, it's like Gotham City here.

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-Ah, OK.

-They're all idiots.

-I didn't know that.

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Do you know why it's called Manhattan?

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Is that a local Amerindian name?

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It's a native Lenape American... It's actually quite a nice story.

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So, 1609, Henry Hudson met a group of native Lenape Americans

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and they were fishing and he offered them alcohol,

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for the very first time, and there was a warrior

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who swallowed the whole lot to test it and passed out

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and everybody thought this is marvellous, and he then brought more

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alcohol and they ended up getting fantastically drunk together

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and the word, the native Lenape word, Manahactanienk,

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means "the place we all got drunk".

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I think the story is that it was also one of those places

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that was sold for a few beads and so a few beads

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were handed over and the Indians took those.

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But they had the last laugh because they weren't even from that local area.

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-They weren't from that area.

-They didn't even own the place in the first place.

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They just took the beads and said, "Thanks, OK, good luck with that."

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Here is something that was fantastically new in New York

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in 1909 at Coney Island, which is a glorious place to hang out.

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They ought to bring this back, because it's a really fantastic thing.

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This is one stretch of track running multiple trains and if the two meet

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while travelling in opposite directions,

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so the passengers are in the lower part, I think you can just see,

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it goes up over the top.

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I think you can just see the arms of some of the passengers and it carries on.

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I'm sorry, but that's like a very well engineered train crash.

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They should have that on the Northern Line, that'd be fantastic.

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I think it's absolutely brilliant, I love that.

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Yes, indeed, New York was originally New Angouleme.

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Where would you find the most pyramids in the world?

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PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BAG PLAYS

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-Yes.

-Egypt, fuck it.

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KLAXON BLARES

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I'm sure I've heard Mexico,

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but I bet that's wrong as well, isn't it?

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-KLAXON BLARES

-Yes.

-Yes, Mexico.

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In the spirit of... I've seen one. I've seen one in Las Vegas.

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Yes, there is one in Las Vegas.

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KLAXON BLARES

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-Let's go for it.

-# New York. #

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-Switzerland.

-Yes. Let's try Switzerland.

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-Switzerland's...

-ONE PERSON LAUGHS LOUDLY

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AUDIENCE LAUGH

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That's so sweet. One man appreciates you.

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So, wait a minute, so, Jo, Alan and I have all been penalised,

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but you've come out ahead by saying Switzerland.

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-Brilliant.

-Is it the United States?

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-Are there more pyramids in the United States?

-No, it's nearer to Egypt.

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Libya? Algeria? Tunisia?

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It is... You've got it, you're in the right part of the world.

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-Sudan?

-It is Sudan, absolutely right.

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In fact, bizarrely, this is a photograph that I took myself

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of the Sudanese pyramids. There's about...

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You do your preparation for this show, don't you?

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Sorry, what is the travel budget for this show?

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Where's the licence fee money going? Hang on.

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You went all the way over there to take this photo?

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I made a long documentary about Sudan and I'd really recommend this,

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because you go and there is nobody there.

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-It is amazing.

-The massive civil war could be part of the reason.

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Yeah. I did go... LAUGHTER

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I did go before the civil war.

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In Egypt, between 118 and 138, in Sudan there are about 220.

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They're all in the Meroe area.

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This was ancient Nubia and you can climb them, you can go inside.

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There's fantastic writing, they had the Meroitic handwriting.

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-Incredible carvings.

-Are they houses, these ones, or are they burial things?

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No, they're burial things and what's really interesting about them,

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the Egyptians' were clearly for the pharaohs and for the great and the good,

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they were much more of a meritocracy, and so you get not such wealthy people

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who had pyramids of their own, and what you can't see here is there

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was an entire civilisation.

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From the air, you can see the irrigation of tens of thousands of people

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living there and then completely destroyed.

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There was an Italian treasure hunter called Giuseppe Ferlini

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who, in the 1830s,

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chopped the tops off to see if he could find gold inside.

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I went to Mexico a couple of years ago,

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to a place called Coba.

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And you went through a pine forest for about a mile,

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quite off the beaten track.

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And there's just a pyramid in the middle of the jungle

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and you go, "Wow, that's incredible!" Take some photos.

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And the guy just goes, "You can climb it, if you want. Good luck.

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"Don't fall off. There's no ambulance."

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And you climb up and you realise there are seven other pyramids

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-in the middle of this jungle.

-Amazing!

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And they haven't bothered putting a fence around it and...

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I think Jimmy's story kind of assists my answer,

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because he's indicating there are a lot of these hidden pyramids

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in Mexico in the middle of forests.

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You should see the amount in Switzerland, mate.

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It's unbelievable.

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The other new group in Sudan is the Nuer people.

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They live on the Nile around Lake Nuer.

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And their lives revolve entirely around cattle.

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So the prestige is about how many cattle a man owns.

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And they have fantastic rituals to do with sacrificing ox,

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but they are so keen to keep the ox

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that they'll replace the ox with a cucumber.

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They want to sacrifice an ox, but it's, you know, an ox.

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So they use a cucumber.

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Most of the knowledge that we have about the Nuer

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comes from an anthropologist called Edward Evans-Pritchard

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and he worked there in the 1930s.

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And they didn't think much of him when he arrived,

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because he didn't have any cows,

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so they wouldn't help him with his luggage.

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Until he took out his cucumber and they were all...

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..suddenly impressed.

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Now, on to nudity, newlyweds and New England.

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Who got married in the Emperor's new clothes?

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Oh, that is a fabulous wedding.

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-The Emperor.

-I want it to be that.

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He doesn't do very much in the story, he just parades around.

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He's a bit of an idiot, isn't he?

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-I think that's the point of the story.

-I believe it is.

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The thing I like about that story is that two swindlers come,

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and this idea that there were swindlers who would go

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from town to town swindling people.

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And that's sort of died out, really, hasn't it?

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-Social media's killed the swindling industry.

-It has.

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-Have you never had the e-mails?

-Do you get many e-mails? Yeah.

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-The swindlers are online.

-You can trust everybody now.

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There was a period of time when people got married naked in New England.

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The 1700s. Why might they do that?

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-Was it to do with witches?

-To prove you were a woman.

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It's not to do with witches and not to prove that you're a woman.

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Do you know there's still a thing with popes?

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-The chair.

-Where they have to carry the chair over the cardinals

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to check if they had a female pope,

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which is obviously a disaster.

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They carry him over the top so they can check out his junk.

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Sadly, it's a myth, unfortunately.

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-It's a myth?

-It's a want-it-to-be.

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Do you know what? This is my issue with QI,

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you say it's a myth, but I've heard it in a pub.

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I'm pretty sure that's the case. Fact.

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So, look, the bridegroom and the bride are both naked?

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-No, just the bride.

-Is it to do with the Bible?

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It isn't to do with the Bible. It's to do with debt.

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They were known as smock marriages,

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sometimes just in their underwear

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and if the bride clearly has no assets,

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if she's got nothing, then the groom is not liable for her debts or,

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more importantly, if she's a widow, for her husband's debts.

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-Wow.

-They didn't have to be visible, they just had to be naked.

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So, there's a wonderful wedding that's talked about, February 1789,

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a man called Major Moses Joy

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and he married a widow called Hannah Ward

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and she was starkers inside a closet

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and basically she reached her arm through a hole in the door

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to clasp his hand and then they got married

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and then he'd left some clothes very nicely for her in the cupboard and then she came out fully dressed.

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That's a bit like if a tree falls in a forest.

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If you're naked and nobody can see you...

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-It doesn't really count, does it?

-You don't need to be naked, do you?

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I'm sure Lady Gaga would argue she was wearing a wardrobe.

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Mm.

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Just a hell of a dress.

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Did her head stick out the top of the wardrobe?

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It was just her arm out, that was it.

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-So it's a naked arm.

-That's it, just the arm.

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It might not have been her arm, in fact.

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Could have been anyone's arm.

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Was yours a nightmare, Jo, your wedding?

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-Yeah.

-Oh.

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I couldn't fit in a wardrobe, I had to go in a marquee instead.

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-No, it was lovely.

-It's stressful, though, isn't it?

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I was having a look at the planning nightmare that is a wedding.

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If you have 17 guests and two tables of ten that has 131,702

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possible seating arrangements.

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A wedding with 100 guests and ten tables has

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65 trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion

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possibilities as to where you want to seat people.

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Crikey. I had a very little wedding.

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I'd said to my friends, "Don't tell anyone or talk about it."

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And one of my friends stayed at a local hotel and called a cab

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to pick her up to take her to our wedding,

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and she got in the cab and he went, "Where do you want to go?"

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and she went, "I'm not telling you."

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That's fabulous. They have a great tradition in Sweden,

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here's a randy Scandi fact,

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if the bride leaves the reception to go to the bathroom,

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then all the women in the room kiss the groom.

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And if the groom leaves, all the men may kiss the bride.

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And that is how chlamydia started.

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-It's a fine name for a child.

-Yeah.

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What's the biggest news item ever?

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Has it got anything to do with the Kardashians?

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I'm not even really sure who they are. So, no.

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When was the golden era of the newspapers?

0:15:240:15:26

When was the biggest circulation? Would it be Titanic?

0:15:260:15:29

So, it's not an actual news item that we are looking for.

0:15:290:15:33

Not like the moon landing, which is a very big...

0:15:330:15:35

It's not a story. It's the actual news.

0:15:350:15:38

Did they do a live broadcast for, like, 36 hours or something?

0:15:380:15:41

Is it the size of the headline you're looking for?

0:15:410:15:44

-Yes.

-The size...

-In fact, you can help me,

0:15:440:15:46

because I have a copy of what we are looking for,

0:15:460:15:48

but I can't manage it on my own, so, Alan and Clive,

0:15:480:15:50

if you could come and help me.

0:15:500:15:52

What I'm talking about is the largest newspapers ever published.

0:15:520:15:57

These were... This is called the Universal Yankee Nation.

0:15:570:16:01

-There you go.

-Oh, tiny print.

0:16:010:16:04

-Yes.

-Yes. You seriously had to have...

0:16:040:16:06

-I mean...

-Is this helping your presentation skills?

0:16:060:16:09

You all right, Sandi?

0:16:090:16:10

I don't want to hurt your feelings, but if Stephen was here,

0:16:100:16:13

his head would be poking over the top.

0:16:130:16:15

If I was good, I could've gone underneath, but I didn't want to play limbo with the newspaper.

0:16:150:16:19

Why did they design those?

0:16:190:16:20

Maybe there was a tax on each page of newsprint.

0:16:200:16:23

-That's exactly right.

-Oh, right.

0:16:230:16:24

They were known as blanket sheets

0:16:240:16:25

or mammoth newspapers or leviathan newspapers.

0:16:250:16:27

It was the introduction of the cylinder printing presses that

0:16:270:16:30

made them possible. It was the fact that it was possible.

0:16:300:16:32

This particular newspaper was only published

0:16:320:16:34

for about a year and a half from 1841 to 1842,

0:16:340:16:38

but it was called the largest paper in all creation.

0:16:380:16:41

Would have been very useful if you're an extremely fat tramp

0:16:410:16:45

that was sleeping out.

0:16:450:16:46

Yes. Except it was only one page thick, so it wasn't...

0:16:460:16:50

-In the summer.

-In the... Sleeping out.

0:16:500:16:53

What if you're two tramps having a liaison?

0:16:550:16:58

Yes, but they were designed for sharing.

0:17:000:17:02

But you said about the duties, it's why we had broadsheets.

0:17:020:17:04

-Yes, yes, there was a tax, wasn't there?

-Yeah. There was a tax.

0:17:040:17:07

With a tax, there'd be people trying to avoid it, wouldn't there?

0:17:070:17:09

-I would imagine, yeah.

-They would have ways of trying to get round it.

0:17:090:17:12

I guess. I guess some people would,

0:17:140:17:16

but, I mean, they'd be morally bankrupt, is what they'd be.

0:17:160:17:19

Getting their papers from Jersey or somewhere,

0:17:190:17:22

so it would be just crazy.

0:17:220:17:24

-Yes.

-Is that...? Would that work?

0:17:240:17:26

So it was a bit like modern fizzy drinks tax.

0:17:280:17:30

It was to discourage people from buying newspapers.

0:17:300:17:32

Because they were so critical of the government and so...

0:17:320:17:34

-We'll tax them out of existence.

-Yeah. For a really long time.

0:17:340:17:37

1712 till 1855.

0:17:370:17:39

And then when they took off the tax, all of the Daily Mails,

0:17:390:17:42

Daily Mirrors, popular press came in.

0:17:420:17:43

Because, you know, relatively poor people

0:17:430:17:45

-could afford to buy the news and find out what was going on.

-Yes.

0:17:450:17:48

During the time of the tax, people would hire newspapers,

0:17:480:17:51

they would buy second-hand newspapers,

0:17:510:17:53

they would read them in coffee houses,

0:17:530:17:54

they would club together to share them.

0:17:540:17:56

There were even bootleg newspapers.

0:17:560:17:58

Second-hand newspapers wouldn't be much use, would they, really?

0:17:580:18:02

-Well, I...

-"Oh, dear, the Titanic's sunk...14 years ago."

0:18:020:18:06

But, you know, when you're on holiday in the old days,

0:18:070:18:09

you'd read almost any English newspaper that you find.

0:18:090:18:12

I remember I'd been in Thailand for three weeks

0:18:120:18:13

and I found a copy of the Daily Mail

0:18:130:18:15

and I read this brilliant article in it by Norman Tebbit

0:18:150:18:17

and he said, "I can't be..."

0:18:170:18:19

-I'm just...

-"I can't be the only person

0:18:200:18:23

"who's noticed a rise in serious crime

0:18:230:18:25

"since same-sex partnerships were brought in."

0:18:250:18:28

No, Norman, you can.

0:18:300:18:31

You can be the only person to...

0:18:310:18:34

APPLAUSE

0:18:340:18:38

But this is a thing of the past now.

0:18:380:18:39

Until a few years ago, when you were abroad,

0:18:390:18:41

you'd pay any money to get an English language...

0:18:410:18:44

Now, you just get it online.

0:18:440:18:45

So younger people think, "What are they talking about?"

0:18:450:18:47

It's a real shame, cos you go away and you know when people die.

0:18:470:18:50

It used to be you'd get back from holiday

0:18:500:18:51

and that would sort of cheer you up.

0:18:510:18:53

"The holiday's over but, oh, he's dead, is he?

0:18:530:18:55

"Oh...I liked him."

0:18:550:18:57

Anyway, what can you tell me about any of these...?

0:18:570:19:01

OK, so these are newspaper headlines

0:19:010:19:05

and I want to know what the story is.

0:19:050:19:06

Oh, this keeps on coming up.

0:19:090:19:10

"Once! One time!"

0:19:100:19:12

Well, apparently, in 1955, there was a man in New Guinea

0:19:150:19:18

and he went for a swim and there was a load of equipment

0:19:180:19:21

that had been abandoned after the war

0:19:210:19:23

and he noticed there was a steam-roller

0:19:230:19:26

and there was a bolt missing in a bolt hole. And what did he think?

0:19:260:19:28

-"I'll shag that."

-Yes!

0:19:280:19:30

-That's a real view into a man's psyche, I think.

-Yeah.

0:19:320:19:35

I think that's basically a message to any women watching -

0:19:350:19:37

"Make less effort. There's really no need."

0:19:370:19:39

So excited was he by the steam-roller

0:19:400:19:42

that he failed to notice that it was, in fact,

0:19:420:19:44

in an area where the tide was about to come in

0:19:440:19:46

and he got himself stuck as the tide was racing towards him.

0:19:460:19:52

And he didn't really want to call for help because, you know, awkward.

0:19:520:19:55

-He was a bit embarrassed.

-Yeah. But anyway, he was released by a doctor.

0:19:550:19:59

He said, "It came away all right, but was very badly torn."

0:20:000:20:04

AUDIENCE SUCKS IN BREATH

0:20:040:20:06

Quite a low hiss, that one. More boys than girls on that one, then.

0:20:060:20:09

Try this one as another headline...

0:20:100:20:13

Any thoughts on that?

0:20:160:20:18

-Are they two...?

-Are they towns?

0:20:180:20:20

It's a headline from an American newspaper

0:20:200:20:21

called the Bloomington Pantagraph.

0:20:210:20:23

And it referred to a couple in Illinois.

0:20:230:20:25

The town of Normal takes its name from

0:20:250:20:27

the Illinois Normal State University.

0:20:270:20:29

Oblong chose their name in 1880

0:20:290:20:31

because they were tired of their original name,

0:20:310:20:33

which was Henpeck.

0:20:330:20:34

Well, fair enough.

0:20:340:20:36

Is this one of those things where they had the headline on the shelf

0:20:360:20:39

and they were waiting for the story?

0:20:390:20:41

Yes, they almost had it typeset and ready to go.

0:20:410:20:43

This is a great local news story...

0:20:430:20:45

You would certainly think

0:20:500:20:51

the Catholic church have got more pressing matters.

0:20:510:20:53

This is a story from 2008 from the Arran Voice.

0:20:530:20:56

"Northend Thistle football players on the Ormidale pitch last week

0:20:560:21:00

"held their breath as a wayward shot at goal from Ben Tattersfield

0:21:000:21:03

"sailed through the air towards the stained glass windows

0:21:030:21:06

"of Brodick Church.

0:21:060:21:07

"But, thankfully, the ball struck the surrounding sandstone frame

0:21:070:21:11

"and bounced harmlessly to the ground."

0:21:110:21:13

And this one, which is from Brighton and Hove, which I like very much...

0:21:140:21:18

-So is this somebody picking up dog poo...

-Yeah.

-..and, for some reason,

0:21:210:21:25

they put it in their handbag, I think is the story.

0:21:250:21:27

And then the handbag gets stolen and the...

0:21:270:21:30

Well, it's similar to that. But this man on a bicycle

0:21:300:21:32

actually pinched a bag of poo out of the hands of a...

0:21:320:21:34

She was an elderly dog walker in Worthing.

0:21:340:21:38

What is there, a hunt?

0:21:380:21:39

I mean, you'd think, "Oh, thank God for that. He's taken the..."

0:21:390:21:42

I suppose it is hot property still, but...

0:21:420:21:44

A spokesman for Sussex Police said,

0:21:440:21:46

"The lady was not harmed and clearly the thief stole nothing of value.

0:21:460:21:49

"Anyone with information is asked to call Sussex Police."

0:21:490:21:52

It's not the sort of stolen goods anyone wants to handle, either.

0:21:540:21:57

No. I mean, there are loads of these.

0:21:570:21:59

"Driver fails to find horn and shouts, 'Toot! Toot!'"

0:21:590:22:02

"Black cat seen near M6." That's a headline.

0:22:030:22:06

"Police called to pull up drunk's knickers."

0:22:070:22:10

Who knows what happened?

0:22:110:22:13

In other news now, what would you see on Camel News?

0:22:130:22:17

Is that the camel from the Camel cigarettes thing?

0:22:170:22:19

Is he doing a press conference going,

0:22:190:22:20

"Actually, I'm only meant to have one hump.

0:22:200:22:22

"Turns out smoking is not good for you."

0:22:220:22:25

It's funny you should say that,

0:22:250:22:26

-because it is associated with Camel cigarettes.

-Sponsored.

0:22:260:22:29

Yes, sponsored. Exactly right.

0:22:290:22:31

It was NBC's first daily news programme.

0:22:310:22:33

It ran from 1949 to 1956.

0:22:330:22:37

Did the guy...? Did he have a fag on as he was reading the news?

0:22:370:22:40

They had a no no-smoking policy.

0:22:400:22:42

So, er...you were not allowed to show any no smoking signs at all

0:22:420:22:47

anywhere in the news

0:22:470:22:49

and you were not allowed to show footage of real camels,

0:22:490:22:52

because it was thought to be damaging to the brand.

0:22:520:22:55

Yeah, Camel cigarettes, you can see how a camel would ruin it.

0:22:550:22:59

Well, they had in those days an actual camel called Jo,

0:22:590:23:01

who used to go around the United States giving out cigarettes.

0:23:010:23:04

I imagine he wasn't on his own.

0:23:040:23:07

You say they weren't allowed to show no smoking signs.

0:23:070:23:10

When was the first no smoking sign?

0:23:100:23:12

Cos I've seen a lot of old footage, people doing surgery going,

0:23:120:23:14

"Yeah, we'll have a... Oh, there you go."

0:23:140:23:17

Kind of they're constantly with a fag on.

0:23:170:23:19

Well, it certainly wasn't a problem on television.

0:23:190:23:21

There used to be a 1950s American television show

0:23:210:23:24

called Do You Trust Your Wife?

0:23:240:23:26

And it was sponsored by...

0:23:260:23:28

It was sponsored by L&M cigarettes

0:23:280:23:31

and there was a moment when the host, Johnny Carson,

0:23:310:23:34

asked a man what star sign his wife was and he said, "Cancer."

0:23:340:23:37

And it had to be redone as Aries,

0:23:370:23:40

because you couldn't have somebody who was a Cancer star sign

0:23:400:23:43

on an L&M cigarette...

0:23:430:23:45

But there weren't just cigarette sponsors.

0:23:470:23:49

We didn't really have that, did we?

0:23:490:23:51

I suppose soap operas, you know,

0:23:510:23:52

were presumably, originally, genuinely...

0:23:520:23:54

Soap flakes used to be the big thing to promote.

0:23:540:23:57

But also car manufacturers.

0:23:570:23:58

So the very first news programme was sponsored by Oldsmobile.

0:23:580:24:01

And the Ford Motor Company, they sponsored a programme

0:24:010:24:05

and they only agreed to sponsor it if the Chrysler Building

0:24:050:24:08

was removed from the backdrop showing the New York skyline.

0:24:080:24:11

Programmes sponsored by Chevvy

0:24:110:24:13

weren't allowed to use the expression, "Ford a river."

0:24:130:24:16

I mean, it really was sort of ridiculous

0:24:160:24:17

about the stuff they did and didn't allow.

0:24:170:24:19

Anyway, moving on.

0:24:190:24:21

What's the one thing Nigel has in common with Corbyn?

0:24:210:24:24

Does it mean the same thing?

0:24:240:24:26

No. It's about the number of children named.

0:24:260:24:30

2014 is the last year that we have statistics for.

0:24:300:24:34

And only ten babies born in England were named Nigel.

0:24:340:24:37

Yeah, Nigel's a name that's gone out of fashion.

0:24:370:24:39

Gone totally out of fashion. But there were also ten named Corbyn.

0:24:390:24:42

Oh, really? Are they all being kept in plastic boxes?

0:24:420:24:47

Well, in fact, only eight were kept. Two were thrown away.

0:24:500:24:54

"There's another Corbyn. Put it in the cupboard."

0:24:550:24:58

Is that Angelina Jolie's Amazon order?

0:24:590:25:01

APPLAUSE

0:25:030:25:06

The other ones with exactly ten instances in 2014 include...

0:25:080:25:11

-Timotei.

-Timotei?

0:25:110:25:14

You are joking.

0:25:140:25:15

Veena Vishnu.

0:25:150:25:18

Wilfred. Apollo.

0:25:180:25:20

Sedrick, Barry and Gordon.

0:25:200:25:22

-Can anybody guess the peak year for Nigel?

-'71.

0:25:240:25:27

When was Nigel Lawson Chancellor of the Exchequer?

0:25:270:25:29

-'62.

-Not then.

-No, not then. Not then.

0:25:290:25:31

You're close. '63 was the peak year for Nigel.

0:25:310:25:34

5,529.

0:25:340:25:36

-The peak year for Nigel!

-I know.

0:25:360:25:39

Nigel's a bit like Clive.

0:25:390:25:40

They're sort of names that have sort of come and gone.

0:25:400:25:42

I don't think many people are called Nigel.

0:25:420:25:44

-Well, Alan is still very popular.

-Alan is a good, solid name.

0:25:440:25:47

2014, 302 Alans born in the UK.

0:25:470:25:48

-Fine young men.

-Yes.

0:25:480:25:50

14 boys called Arsalan.

0:25:510:25:53

Arsalan. A-R-S-A-L-A-N.

0:25:550:25:58

Arsalan.

0:25:580:25:59

-Is that the lion from...?

-No, that's Aslan.

-Close enough.

0:25:590:26:02

It's actually a Muslim name for lion - Arsalan.

0:26:020:26:04

The girls' names for 2014, the N names,

0:26:040:26:07

were Noreen, Nile and Non.

0:26:070:26:10

N-O-N, Non.

0:26:100:26:12

"This is my Non child."

0:26:120:26:14

But the interesting thing is - World War I,

0:26:160:26:19

lots of names that you wouldn't think now would have been popular...

0:26:190:26:21

Verdun was very popular. Ypres. Passchendaele. Heligoland.

0:26:210:26:24

-I mean, some extraordinary...

-Carnage. Slaughter.

0:26:240:26:29

There were 84 Peaces and 120 Victorys

0:26:290:26:32

and 44 Poppys.

0:26:320:26:34

The royal family changed their name from Saxe-Coburg to Windsor

0:26:340:26:38

in the middle of the First World War because of anti-German sentiment.

0:26:380:26:41

But they only did it in 1917.

0:26:410:26:42

So they were clearly waiting which way it was going to go.

0:26:420:26:45

"It's 1914. Shall we change our name or not?"

0:26:470:26:48

"Oooh, I don't know. It's..."

0:26:480:26:50

Anyway, as far as newborns are concerned,

0:26:500:26:53

Britain hit peak Nigel in 1963.

0:26:530:26:56

What can you tell me about the false memory diet?

0:26:560:27:00

Hm... Do you develop a memory

0:27:010:27:03

that you remember that you've eaten a full meal

0:27:030:27:06

and that's a false memory and, therefore, you don't eat.

0:27:060:27:08

That's a false memory.

0:27:080:27:09

It is a false memory, but it doesn't quite work like that.

0:27:090:27:12

It is a suggested way of getting people to not eat.

0:27:120:27:15

Oh, you put them off food they...

0:27:150:27:18

Yes, you put them off certain foods is exactly right.

0:27:180:27:20

You make them think they don't like hamburgers.

0:27:200:27:23

There was a study in 2011 and what they did was

0:27:230:27:25

they told people that there was a questionnaire

0:27:250:27:27

and the questionnaire could identify

0:27:270:27:28

early childhood experiences with food

0:27:280:27:31

and then somebody would be told that certain foods had made them unwell.

0:27:310:27:34

So, as a child, for example, got sick after eating carrot.

0:27:340:27:38

Totally made up,

0:27:380:27:39

but the participants believed it and went off that food.

0:27:390:27:42

And the researchers managed to put people off

0:27:420:27:44

an extraordinary array of things.

0:27:440:27:46

Strawberry ice cream. White wine.

0:27:460:27:48

Peach yoghurt.

0:27:480:27:49

Dill pickles.

0:27:490:27:51

It's not a great meal, but, erm...

0:27:510:27:53

You'd have to go through such a huge range of food

0:27:530:27:55

in order to put people off enough food that they could have a diet.

0:27:550:27:59

-Well, I think you'd start with chips, wouldn't you?

-I suppose so.

0:27:590:28:02

But there's still lots of other, you know, filling-up foods.

0:28:020:28:04

The woman who ran it, Elizabeth Loftus,

0:28:040:28:06

she said that if you picture a food you don't want to eat

0:28:060:28:08

and you imagine it making you unwell,

0:28:080:28:10

then eventually you won't want to eat it any more

0:28:100:28:12

-and the cravings will go away.

-Lettuce...!

0:28:120:28:14

Success, Jo. Success.

0:28:160:28:19

It worked!

0:28:190:28:21

-Lettuce is hard work, isn't it?

-Oh, it is.

0:28:210:28:24

You know, lettuce is supposed to make you sleep well.

0:28:240:28:26

-Is it?

-Yes, it is.

-Cos it's so boring.

0:28:260:28:28

It's all right with chocolate on it.

0:28:290:28:31

There've been some really weird diets, though.

0:28:320:28:34

There was an 18th century doctor called Malcolm Flemming

0:28:340:28:37

and he suggested eating soap as a weight loss method.

0:28:370:28:40

I mean, it 100% works.

0:28:400:28:43

No, it doesn't and don't do it.

0:28:430:28:44

That's basically the thing. And didn't Elvis...?

0:28:440:28:47

-Makes your wee smell lovely, though.

-Yeah.

0:28:470:28:49

Elvis did the Sleeping Beauty diet, I think.

0:28:500:28:52

Which is the theory that you drug yourself

0:28:520:28:54

and you sleep for several days

0:28:540:28:55

and then you don't eat during the time that you're asleep.

0:28:550:28:57

It's called the Sleeping Beauty diet.

0:28:570:28:59

-I mean, Elvis didn't nail the diet thing.

-He totally didn't.

0:28:590:29:02

What's so good about eye of newt?

0:29:030:29:06

Has it got very few calories in it?

0:29:060:29:09

I would imagine. It isn't to do with calories.

0:29:090:29:11

-Is it gluten-free?

-It's nothing to do with food.

0:29:110:29:14

-So, this is Macbeth, is it? Is that what you're quoting?

-It is in the Scottish play.

0:29:140:29:17

-But what's so great about eye of newt?

-Medicinal properties.

0:29:170:29:20

I think we studied this at school.

0:29:200:29:22

There's a whole list of things that sound like disgusting things,

0:29:220:29:24

but they're not really. They're references to plants or something.

0:29:240:29:28

Well, that is absolutely true.

0:29:280:29:29

But the thing about the eye of newt that is extraordinary,

0:29:290:29:32

they did a study where they kept removing the lenses

0:29:320:29:34

-from the eye of a newt...

-I bet it annoyed him.

0:29:340:29:38

Well, he systematically replaced it.

0:29:380:29:41

They did it for 16 years and they keep just replacing the lens.

0:29:410:29:44

They are able to regenerate new lenses.

0:29:440:29:47

That's brilliant. Why can't we do that?

0:29:470:29:49

-I don't know. It's so clever.

-In some animals, the teeth replace...

0:29:490:29:52

Specsavers' worst nightmare.

0:29:520:29:55

And what's extraordinary about them, the lenses that are replaced

0:29:550:29:58

are just as good as the very first ones that they had

0:29:580:30:00

and they're able to continuously regenerate.

0:30:000:30:02

Are you sure he didn't have just insurance or something?

0:30:020:30:05

-Maybe.

-So, sorry, that's one newt?

0:30:050:30:07

-That's one newt.

-I'm not a big fan of animal testing at the best of times.

0:30:070:30:09

-No.

-But 16 years, this poor newt's thinking, "Oh, him again."

-Yeah.

0:30:090:30:13

"He's going to pull my bloody eye out.

0:30:140:30:16

"I'll grow it back, dick."

0:30:160:30:18

15 years in, is he not thinking,

0:30:200:30:21

"Are you not getting the message here?

0:30:210:30:24

"These grow back."

0:30:240:30:25

Presumably, there were periods when he couldn't see him coming.

0:30:250:30:29

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-Of course. Of course.

0:30:290:30:32

Did you know that they're not actually called newts?

0:30:330:30:36

-Did you know that?

-What, newts aren't called newts?

0:30:360:30:38

-No, they're not.

-They are, I tell you how you know,

0:30:380:30:40

-they're called newts.

-They are ewts. It was an ewt.

0:30:400:30:42

-It's like an orange, isn't it?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

0:30:420:30:43

A nickname was an ickname.

0:30:430:30:46

It became nickname and newt is just because we're lazy.

0:30:460:30:48

Nigel wasn't a name, either. It was an Igel.

0:30:480:30:50

This is all new to me.

0:30:500:30:52

-An ickname?

-Ickname, yeah.

0:30:520:30:54

-It's an extra name.

-An additional name.

0:30:540:30:56

There are lots of words like that. Apron is one.

0:30:560:30:58

In fact, orange is the other way round, isn't it?

0:30:580:31:00

It was a norange was the word and we call it an orange.

0:31:000:31:02

Yes. My favourite...

0:31:020:31:04

It's not quite the same thing.

0:31:040:31:05

Apple-pie order. Which is French for nappe pliee, neatly folded linen.

0:31:050:31:09

And we just call it apple-pie order, because we don't speak French.

0:31:090:31:13

The thing about the witches brew you mentioned about the Scottish play.

0:31:130:31:16

-Yeah.

-So you're absolutely right, so the eye of newt and toe of frog,

0:31:160:31:19

wool of bat and tongue of dog,

0:31:190:31:20

probably wild mustard seed and buttercup leaves and moss and hound's-tongue.

0:31:200:31:24

Isn't that pretty? Hound's-tongue on the right.

0:31:240:31:26

And what herb was liver of blaspheming Jew, then?

0:31:260:31:29

Was that a particular...

0:31:290:31:31

I'm not sure that was entirely a herb.

0:31:310:31:33

-Is that marjoram?

-Marjoram.

0:31:330:31:35

It's the worst Welsh rarebit they've ever had.

0:31:350:31:39

The plant on the right stinks,

0:31:390:31:40

it's also known as mice and rats due to its smell.

0:31:400:31:43

People used to put it in their shoes to keep dogs away from their shoes.

0:31:430:31:46

Apparently it stinks.

0:31:460:31:48

They used to put it in their shoes because it stinks?

0:31:480:31:50

To keep dogs away. You know, dogs do love...

0:31:500:31:52

-Steal their shoes.

-Keep your shoes.

-Shoes, exactly.

0:31:520:31:54

And that's why, to this day, dogs don't wear shoes. Goodnight.

0:31:540:31:57

And toe of frog, not sustainable at all.

0:31:590:32:02

There is a terrible decline in the world frog population.

0:32:020:32:05

They're absolutely plummeting.

0:32:050:32:06

In fact, it's now illegal to catch frogs for human consumption in France.

0:32:060:32:10

And India, which has been the biggest exporter to France of frogs, has just ceased exporting.

0:32:100:32:15

I have a pond in my garden which used to be full of frogs,

0:32:150:32:17

they used to come and have orgies every year.

0:32:170:32:20

They're not there. All been replaced by newts now.

0:32:200:32:22

This sounds like an angry letter to the Daily Mail.

0:32:220:32:25

"These frogs, coming over here, having sex in our ponds."

0:32:250:32:29

The most extraordinary newt, just want to show you this.

0:32:310:32:34

Unbelievable, it's called the rough-skinned newt.

0:32:340:32:37

It has enough toxins to kill 25,000 mice and it's so toxic, this thing,

0:32:370:32:44

that the Native American tribes used to force-feed them to their enemies

0:32:440:32:47

to kill them.

0:32:470:32:48

And the really incredible thing about them is that whatever

0:32:480:32:51

eats one, dies before the newt dissolves in its stomach.

0:32:510:32:56

-That's how toxic it is and then it hops free.

-Ergh.

0:32:560:32:59

I know! Ergh! Ergh!

0:32:590:33:00

But newts are fantastic, they can regrow their eyes,

0:33:000:33:03

they can kill...

0:33:030:33:04

What is the measure of how toxic it is that it kills 25,000 mice?

0:33:040:33:07

That was such an odd end to that sentence.

0:33:070:33:10

-Well, it's poison.

-Just four dogs would be a better...

0:33:100:33:13

How many humans can it kill? That's what we want to know.

0:33:130:33:15

It's usually things like a mouse the size of Wales it can kill.

0:33:150:33:19

What about the Spanish newt? They are extraordinary.

0:33:190:33:21

When threatened, they can shoot their ribs out of their body

0:33:210:33:24

and stab their enemies with poison.

0:33:240:33:27

Oh, I can do that.

0:33:270:33:29

That seems counter-productive.

0:33:300:33:32

I feel like if an enemy's coming towards you, I mean,

0:33:340:33:36

by all means defend yourself, but shooting a rib out...

0:33:360:33:39

Even if they don't attack, you're going to have to go to A&E.

0:33:390:33:42

Now, it's time for a fresh new batch of general ignorance.

0:33:440:33:49

Although, I think we've done quite well so far.

0:33:490:33:51

Fingers on buzzers.

0:33:510:33:53

How long is New Zealand's Ninety Mile Beach?

0:33:530:33:56

-Oh.

-Oh, come on. You know you want to!

0:33:560:33:59

-I think it is 90 miles long.

-Go for it!

0:33:590:34:01

KLAXON BLARES

0:34:010:34:05

Well, are they going to exaggerate or...?

0:34:050:34:08

-What do you reckon?

-I say it's 75 miles.

0:34:080:34:10

You're getting closer. Any more for any more?

0:34:100:34:12

I say it's six miles.

0:34:120:34:15

Completely miscalculated.

0:34:160:34:17

It's 55 miles long.

0:34:170:34:19

And one of the theories is that the mistake was because

0:34:190:34:22

missionaries knew that it took a day to travel 30 miles and it took three

0:34:220:34:27

days to travel the beach and so they made the calculation of 90 miles,

0:34:270:34:30

but, in fact, they forgot that you travel much slower on sand.

0:34:300:34:34

-So, do people go and walk up it and ask for their money back?

-I don't think so.

0:34:340:34:37

Or drown at the end because they just walk into the sea

0:34:370:34:39

thinking there's another 30 miles to go here.

0:34:390:34:42

Well, the Maori do rather better. They call it Te Oneroa-a-Tohe,

0:34:420:34:45

which just means The Long Beach of Tohe.

0:34:450:34:47

They're not giving it a number. Just can't be bothered.

0:34:470:34:49

But there are lots of misnamed things.

0:34:490:34:51

Melbourne's Shark Bay has been renamed...

0:34:510:34:54

It's called Safety Beach now.

0:34:550:34:57

And another famous misnaming - the Thousand Islands archipelago,

0:34:570:35:01

which is on the US-Canadian border,

0:35:010:35:03

it's actually 1,864.

0:35:030:35:05

So will they have to change the name to 1,864 Island Dressing now?

0:35:050:35:10

-Well, they should do, shouldn't they?

-Yes.

0:35:100:35:12

Now, they have rules about what counts as an island.

0:35:120:35:15

So you have to have at least one square foot of land, that's all,

0:35:150:35:18

above water level for the whole year.

0:35:180:35:21

And it has to have two living trees.

0:35:210:35:24

Then you're an island.

0:35:240:35:25

It does look amazing, though, doesn't it?

0:35:250:35:27

Now, let's have a look at this.

0:35:270:35:29

OK. So, going to set this up.

0:35:290:35:33

-Quite good. Like that.

-Wow.

0:35:340:35:36

My question is, who invented this?

0:35:360:35:38

Isn't it Winston Churchill?

0:35:380:35:40

I want it to be Winston Churchill.

0:35:400:35:42

You're so epically wrong there that the buzzer didn't even go off.

0:35:420:35:47

Well, we normally call it Newton's balls, don't we?

0:35:470:35:49

-I think Newton's cradle would be...

-I think Newton's cradle there.

0:35:490:35:53

Sorry. I'm afraid...

0:35:530:35:55

I'm afraid I went to a rougher school than you did.

0:35:550:35:58

I think if Newton had that many balls,

0:35:590:36:01

it's no wonder he discovered gravity.

0:36:010:36:03

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:36:030:36:06

-Who actually invented it? Do we know?

-Galileo.

0:36:090:36:12

-It's not quite as...

-Was it like a toy manufacturer in the '50s?

0:36:120:36:16

-Sylvia Pankhurst.

-I can't remember who it is.

0:36:160:36:18

Is it JFK? Is it Marlon Brando?

0:36:190:36:21

-It's earlier than that.

-Is it Delia Smith?

0:36:210:36:24

LAUGHTER

0:36:240:36:25

It's a French priest in the 17th century...

0:36:250:36:28

-Charlemagne.

-Abelard.

0:36:280:36:29

-Called Abbe Edme Mariotte.

-And then he started the hotel chain?

0:36:290:36:33

Yes, that's right. That's right, exactly.

0:36:330:36:37

He was an amazing thinker, Mariotte.

0:36:370:36:39

Do we have to guess which one he is there?

0:36:390:36:41

He's the one at the back thinking, "If I put chocolates on pillows,

0:36:410:36:44

"people will stay here."

0:36:440:36:45

I stayed at a hotel where they did that

0:36:470:36:49

and I wished somebody had told me.

0:36:490:36:51

I woke up in the morning, honest to God,

0:36:510:36:53

I thought I'd had a brain haemorrhage.

0:36:530:36:55

Terrifying thing.

0:36:580:37:00

I made some red lentil and tomato soup the other week.

0:37:000:37:04

-And my daughter...

-This is going to end in tears.

0:37:040:37:07

..really liked it.

0:37:070:37:08

Going, "Oh, this is lovely. Lovely. Really delicious."

0:37:080:37:11

And it was.

0:37:110:37:13

And then some virus was going round the school.

0:37:130:37:15

Anyway, middle of the night, I could hear some wailing and screaming

0:37:150:37:19

and I went into her bedroom and there she was in her white nightie

0:37:190:37:22

with white sheets and she'd barfed up.

0:37:220:37:25

And, honestly, it looked like she'd been disembowelled.

0:37:250:37:28

One of the most alarming things I've ever seen,

0:37:300:37:32

just a sea of red everywhere.

0:37:320:37:34

All in her hair. It was like Carrie, you know Carrie?

0:37:340:37:38

I had to pick her up at arm's length and put her in the bath

0:37:390:37:42

and then I didn't know what to do with her.

0:37:420:37:44

She's just covered in lentils.

0:37:440:37:45

I was going to start hosing her down and she was going...

0:37:480:37:50

HE WAILS

0:37:500:37:52

-I could never have done that.

-Hosing her down!

0:37:520:37:55

It was very, very, very funny.

0:37:550:37:57

LAUGHTER

0:37:570:38:00

I could not have done that. My bath's full of gin.

0:38:020:38:04

LAUGHTER

0:38:040:38:06

When's the parenting book coming out?

0:38:060:38:09

The very first modern...

0:38:090:38:10

What we call Newton's cradle was created by an actor called Simon Prebble, he was called.

0:38:100:38:13

And he sold it to Harrods in 1967.

0:38:130:38:15

He wanted to promote it and so he made a giant version which had to be

0:38:150:38:20

taken down after one of the balls knocked out a child.

0:38:200:38:23

LAUGHTER

0:38:230:38:26

Not good to laugh, people. Not good to laugh.

0:38:280:38:31

These chrome ones were created by a sculptor and film director

0:38:340:38:37

called Richard Loncraine.

0:38:370:38:39

Is Churchill not involved anywhere in this?

0:38:390:38:42

Nothing to do with Churchill.

0:38:420:38:44

Newton was an extraordinary boy, though.

0:38:440:38:46

Massive Pink Floyd fan.

0:38:460:38:47

He came 78th out of 80 at school.

0:38:500:38:53

-He used to wander off...

-Who else was at school?

0:38:530:38:55

Einstein was there...

0:38:550:38:57

The bloke on the right thinks it's a lightsaber.

0:38:570:39:00

"Bloody hell, Newton, I think you're on to something."

0:39:000:39:04

He made a very strange list of his sins when he was 19, Newton.

0:39:040:39:07

It included making pies on Sunday night,

0:39:070:39:10

using Wilfred's towel to spare my own,

0:39:100:39:14

threatening my father and mother Smith to burn them

0:39:140:39:17

and the house over them.

0:39:170:39:18

Wishing death and hoping it to some.

0:39:200:39:22

There's a fantastic...

0:39:230:39:24

They've tried to make big Newton's cradles.

0:39:240:39:26

Here's one made with 15-pound bowling balls.

0:39:260:39:29

Oh, that child's for the chop.

0:39:290:39:32

You'll get £250 for that on You've Been Framed in a minute.

0:39:340:39:37

The child that must be punished there.

0:39:370:39:40

The guy with a beard, is that a baby dangling from him?

0:39:400:39:42

Or is that the whole baby with a beard on it?

0:39:420:39:45

The biggest Newton's cradle ever built

0:39:540:39:57

was for the US television show Myth Busters,

0:39:570:39:59

they used five one-tonne steel and concrete wrecking balls

0:39:590:40:03

hung from a steel truss.

0:40:030:40:05

It was incredibly difficult to make and it didn't work.

0:40:050:40:08

So, I'm going to put that away.

0:40:090:40:12

Pop that down.

0:40:120:40:13

Now, fingers on buzzers, name the part of Canada

0:40:130:40:16

that Britain and America's most popular dog comes from.

0:40:160:40:19

Labrador.

0:40:210:40:23

KLAXON BLARES

0:40:230:40:25

Are you saying it's pronounced in a different way or there's a different dog?

0:40:250:40:28

No, they don't come from Labrador is the thing of it.

0:40:280:40:30

So, it is the province of Newfoundland and Labrador.

0:40:300:40:34

-NOOf'nd-lund.

-Noof'nd-LAND!

0:40:340:40:37

They are the most popular dogs in the UK and the US, the Labrador retrievers.

0:40:370:40:40

They have held the top spot for 25 years running and are exhausted.

0:40:400:40:44

But they come from Newfoundland and not from Labrador.

0:40:470:40:51

But what happened was, when they arrived in the UK,

0:40:510:40:54

there was already a dog called a Newfoundland.

0:40:540:40:58

Also known as a St John's water dog.

0:40:580:41:00

So, they needed to find another name.

0:41:000:41:02

So... They are so gorgeous!

0:41:020:41:06

And they've got a thing... They don't stop eating,

0:41:060:41:08

they've got a genetic mutation.

0:41:080:41:10

I had a Labrador and he was a nightmare.

0:41:100:41:12

An absolute nightmare.

0:41:120:41:13

-Good for training...

-It turns out...they can't help it.

0:41:130:41:16

I hope they find that in humans soon.

0:41:160:41:18

Maybe you're part Labrador.

0:41:200:41:23

-Maybe I'm all Labrador.

-All Labrador, baby.

0:41:230:41:27

Do you shake yourself like that after a bath?

0:41:290:41:32

-I don't have baths.

-Oh, sorry.

0:41:320:41:35

So, Labradors aren't from Labrador.

0:41:350:41:37

-Was it...? Is it close to...?

-It is absolutely close to.

0:41:370:41:39

So, the province of Newfoundland and Labrador comprises the large island

0:41:390:41:43

of Newfoundland and the mainland of Labrador.

0:41:430:41:46

And Labrador is extraordinary.

0:41:460:41:47

It's three times as large as the island,

0:41:470:41:50

but only 10% of the population live there.

0:41:500:41:52

It is rather bleak. And that brings us to the scores.

0:41:520:41:56

Well, this is fantastic.

0:41:560:41:57

In first place, with a magnificent -5,

0:41:570:42:01

it's Jimmy!

0:42:010:42:03

-APPLAUSE

-Can't believe my luck.

0:42:030:42:05

In second place with -16, it's Clive!

0:42:070:42:11

-APPLAUSE

-Think I got some points from you.

0:42:110:42:13

And in third place with -19,

0:42:130:42:16

Jo!

0:42:160:42:18

APPLAUSE

0:42:180:42:21

Which means a triumphant -25, in final place, it's Alan.

0:42:210:42:28

APPLAUSE

0:42:280:42:30

So, it's thanks to Clive, Jimmy, Jo and Alan.

0:42:360:42:38

I leave you with this, Parkham WI.

0:42:380:42:41

The speaker at the April meeting

0:42:410:42:43

was Captain Colin Darch, who talked about piracy.

0:42:430:42:47

Embarrassingly, the WI all dressed as pirates for the evening,

0:42:470:42:50

not realising that Captain Darch was going to be talking about

0:42:500:42:53

his experience of being held hostage by Somali pirates,

0:42:530:42:57

rather than piracy in general. LAUGHTER

0:42:570:42:59

Good night.

0:42:590:43:01