Episode 2 Watson & Oliver


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Episode 2

Sketch show starring Lorna Watson and Ingrid Oliver. Featuring a forgetful spy, two very competitive old ladies and a surprising guest appearance from Claire Balding.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

Stand back! Give him some air.

0:00:210:00:23

-Right. Can you tell me what happened, madam?

-Please do something! He's my dad.

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-I don't know what happened. He just collapsed.

-What's his name?

-Keith.

0:00:260:00:30

Right. Looks like this is your lucky day, Keith.

0:00:300:00:32

Please. Can you save him?

0:00:320:00:34

Put it this way, I've won Paramedic Of The Year five years in a row

0:00:340:00:36

and I've never lost anyone yet, so what do you think?

0:00:360:00:39

Come on, big man. Come on, Keith. Stay with me.

0:00:390:00:42

He's turning blue!

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Listen, it's not your time, Keith.

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I've never left a man behind and I am not about to start now.

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He's opening his eyes.

0:00:480:00:50

Damn right he is.

0:00:500:00:51

He wants to see the face of the woman who's going to save his life.

0:00:510:00:54

Please tell me he's going to be OK!

0:00:540:00:56

Listen, I cannot stress enough that I have never, ever lost anyone.

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Ever. OK? Just a few more seconds and we're home and dry.

0:00:590:01:02

So he's not going to die?

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Not on my watch.

0:01:060:01:07

BLEEPING

0:01:080:01:10

But unfortunately, that's my watch over.

0:01:100:01:12

It's Sandra's watch now.

0:01:120:01:14

Right.

0:01:160:01:18

Does anyone know any medicine?

0:01:180:01:19

Good luck with it all, yeah?

0:01:210:01:23

Girls? Girls!

0:01:320:01:35

Come and see my new invention!

0:01:350:01:37

Hurrah!

0:01:370:01:38

Do hurry, Nettie!

0:01:480:01:49

I'm coming, just as fast as I can!

0:01:490:01:52

Father, Father, what is it?

0:02:000:02:02

CHUCKLES You'll see. Now, stay there.

0:02:020:02:04

Right.

0:02:040:02:05

A-ha!

0:02:050:02:06

-BOTH:

-Goodness!

0:02:060:02:08

What do you think? She's a beauty, isn't she?

0:02:080:02:10

I'll say! What does it do?

0:02:100:02:12

I'll show you!

0:02:120:02:14

Now, hold this for me and hand me those goggles.

0:02:140:02:17

There.

0:02:180:02:20

Are you ready?

0:02:210:02:24

-Yes!

-Yes!

0:02:250:02:26

HE LAUGHS

0:02:260:02:28

Heurgh!

0:02:330:02:35

Whoa-oh-argh-argh-argh-argh!

0:02:350:02:39

Oh-whoa-oh-whoa-ow! Ugh! Ah!

0:02:390:02:44

GLASS SMASHES

0:02:440:02:45

-Bravo!

-Bravo, Daddy!

0:02:470:02:49

EXPLOSION

0:02:520:02:55

CRASH

0:02:560:02:57

Daddy?

0:02:590:03:01

Daddy?

0:03:010:03:02

For God's sake, girls...

0:03:020:03:04

HE COUGHS ..go and get your mother.

0:03:040:03:07

SAMBA MUSIC

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MUSIC STOPS

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DRUMBEAT

0:03:170:03:19

DRUMBEAT

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MUSIC STARTS

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Cup of tea, £2.90.

0:06:540:06:57

What's this?

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Er, milk is down the end, with the cinnamon and stirrers.

0:06:580:07:01

Sorry, I'm going to ask you again - what is this?

0:07:010:07:04

It's a cup of tea. £2.90.

0:07:050:07:07

No. No. This is not a cup of tea.

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This is some of the ingredients for a cup of tea, partially assembled.

0:07:100:07:14

It's a cup of tea.

0:07:150:07:17

Now, I'm not an unreasonable woman.

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I don't expect loose-leaf tea or a porcelain teapot.

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I don't mind a tea bag, and this is probably a very good tea bag,

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containing the potential for a very good cup of tea,

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but this... This is not a cup of tea.

0:07:290:07:32

This is a paper cup with a tea bag at the bottom,

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which you've filled to the brim with super-heated water,

0:07:350:07:37

so I refer to my earlier comment -

0:07:370:07:39

this is not a cup of tea.

0:07:390:07:41

Look, I need to serve all...

0:07:410:07:43

This is Britain - a nation founded on tea.

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Tea is a medicine. Tea is Mummy kissing it all better.

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Tea is what you crave after a blustery walk on a crisp autumn day,

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or after your husband leaves you for a 23-year-old Belarussian nanny.

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Tea is love, and family and friends.

0:08:010:08:04

Tea makes you go like this when someone offers it to you - "Tea?"

0:08:040:08:07

"Ooooh, lovely!"

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This - this does not make me want to "ooooh".

0:08:090:08:13

This makes me want to weep, for tea, and how we have betrayed it.

0:08:130:08:17

It's true.

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I really wanted a cup of tea, but when I left the office

0:08:190:08:22

this morning, I said, "I'm going to go and get a coffee."

0:08:220:08:25

Get a coffee?

0:08:250:08:27

That's not even proper English!

0:08:270:08:28

Well said, brother.

0:08:280:08:30

Hear, hear!

0:08:300:08:32

And you there, sister - what is that you're eating?

0:08:320:08:35

A muffin.

0:08:350:08:37

That is not a muffin.

0:08:370:08:39

This is a muffin!

0:08:390:08:40

ACCORDIAN PLAYS TRADITIONAL MUSIC

0:08:400:08:43

Hazelnut latte for Terry?

0:08:430:08:45

Stop right there, Terry.

0:08:450:08:47

Do you want your name scrawled on that cup, Terry?

0:08:470:08:50

Is your name so cheap that you have is bandied about like God's own tennis ball?

0:08:500:08:53

We are British.

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We barely give our names to our neighbours, or our uncles.

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Let alone to complete strangers for them to butcher beyond all recognition.

0:08:580:09:01

There's no I in Terry!

0:09:010:09:04

She's right - there isn't.

0:09:040:09:06

If it be a sin to covet tea,

0:09:060:09:11

then surely I am the most offending soul alive.

0:09:110:09:13

It's not a sin!

0:09:130:09:15

Tea's great!

0:09:150:09:16

Then let us make a stand, here, today.

0:09:160:09:20

We few, we happy few, we band of tea-drinkers who still remain

0:09:200:09:25

unsure on the whole milk-in-first-or-last thing.

0:09:250:09:28

-I always put mine in last.

-I always put mine in first.

0:09:280:09:31

If we be mark'd to drink a hot beverage, let it be tea.

0:09:340:09:38

Every brave man and woman who fights with me here today,

0:09:380:09:40

raise your mugs, and your voices,

0:09:400:09:43

and cry, "Long live Darjeeling, Earl Grey and English Breakfast!"

0:09:430:09:48

CHEERING

0:09:480:09:51

A proper cup of tea to take away, please.

0:10:010:10:03

All right.

0:10:030:10:05

There we are.

0:10:050:10:07

All right.

0:10:080:10:09

Oh, OK.

0:10:090:10:10

This as well.

0:10:120:10:13

Oh, good.

0:10:130:10:14

-Oh, and that's yours.

-Right.

0:10:140:10:15

Oh, don't forget your strainer. There you go.

0:10:150:10:18

Excuse me. Ow. Ow.

0:10:180:10:21

Hey, babe.

0:10:570:10:58

Oh, hey, hon.

0:10:580:11:00

You look really pretty, by the way.

0:11:040:11:06

That colour really suits you.

0:11:060:11:09

Thank you.

0:11:090:11:10

So, how's it going with you?

0:11:130:11:16

So you know how Harry promised me

0:11:160:11:18

I could scrub in on his triple bypass surgery?

0:11:180:11:20

Well, apparently now I'm not scrubbing in on his triple bypass surgery.

0:11:220:11:25

Yah. I sort of overheard some of the nurses talking about it.

0:11:270:11:31

What did they say?

0:11:320:11:34

They just saying you weren't scrubbing in

0:11:340:11:36

on the triple bypass surgery.

0:11:360:11:37

I can't believe they said about me.

0:11:390:11:42

So, do you know who IS scrubbing in on the triple bypass surgery?

0:11:420:11:46

Oh, hi, you guys.

0:11:550:11:57

Fancy seeing you here.

0:11:570:11:58

That colour really suits you, by the way.

0:12:110:12:14

Thank you.

0:12:140:12:15

Well...

0:12:250:12:26

Harry said I could scrub in on his triple bypass surgery, yeah?

0:12:260:12:30

So... I'll see you guys later.

0:12:300:12:33

Yeah.

0:12:350:12:36

That's SO out of order, babe.

0:12:510:12:53

Yah, I know.

0:12:530:12:55

I'm SO confused right now.

0:12:560:12:58

How's it looking out there?

0:13:050:13:07

Iceberg-tastic, Captain.

0:13:070:13:10

My God!

0:13:100:13:11

Oh, don't worry - they don't call me 20/20 Tina for nothing.

0:13:110:13:16

So we aren't going to crash into an iceberg and drown?

0:13:160:13:19

Not on my watch.

0:13:200:13:21

BELL DINGS

0:13:250:13:26

But unfortunately, that's my watch over now. Sandra?

0:13:260:13:29

Ooh!

0:13:320:13:33

Who put that there?

0:13:340:13:35

SAMBA MUSIC

0:13:420:13:44

MUSIC STOPS

0:13:440:13:45

MUSIC STARTS

0:13:450:13:49

MUSIC STOPS

0:13:490:13:52

MUSIC STARTS

0:13:520:13:56

MUSIC STOPS

0:13:560:13:59

MUSIC STARTS

0:14:020:14:05

-Oh!

-Oh, hello Eve!

0:14:230:14:25

Good morning, Anne!

0:14:250:14:26

How are you today?

0:14:260:14:27

Yes, yes - well, thank you. And you?

0:14:270:14:29

Oh, couldn't be better. Yes, Derek's just got a promotion.

0:14:290:14:33

-Oh.

-Thus the pagoda.

0:14:330:14:35

Oh, yes, yes. It's lovely. Ours is handworked wrought iron, of course.

0:14:350:14:40

You pay a bit more for it but it's worth it.

0:14:400:14:42

Oh, lovely!

0:14:420:14:43

Bit bright for me, but I've always said you had modern tastes.

0:14:430:14:48

How's Peter?

0:14:480:14:49

Yes, good, good, yes!

0:14:490:14:51

New job in Hong Kong, so busy, busy, busy!

0:14:510:14:54

Well, aren't we all?

0:14:540:14:55

Well, I must dash - we're taking delivery of a new microwave.

0:14:550:14:58

Oh, right, yes.

0:14:580:14:59

-Handy little gadgets, aren't they?

-Mm.

-Not that we need one, what with the Aga.

0:14:590:15:03

Keeps the kitchen warm too, which is nice, so...

0:15:030:15:05

Little bit too warm in the summer, though.

0:15:050:15:07

Not if you know how to use it.

0:15:070:15:09

I have trouble enough setting the, er, temperature

0:15:090:15:12

-on the underfloor heating...

-Right.

-..and that's state-of-the-art.

0:15:120:15:16

Yes, well I must pop off.

0:15:160:15:18

Off to look at a new car.

0:15:180:15:19

See, the boot on the old one isn't big enough to carry all the luggage

0:15:190:15:22

that we're taking on our round-the-world cruise

0:15:220:15:24

to celebrate our grandson getting into Oxford University

0:15:240:15:27

to study medicine and economics.

0:15:270:15:28

I'm going to Mars.

0:15:300:15:32

Sorry, what?

0:15:340:15:35

I am going to Mars.

0:15:350:15:37

Mars, Anne?

0:15:370:15:39

Yes, Eve, Mars - the Red Planet. Mars.

0:15:390:15:42

Right.

0:15:440:15:46

Well...we'll all look forward to that, then.

0:15:460:15:50

-ON TV:

-'Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...

0:16:010:16:07

'That's a negative for launch. All stop. Repeat, launch is NOT go.

0:16:070:16:13

'Sorry to say this but it seems like we do have a problem.'

0:16:130:16:15

It doesn't look like we'll be seeing the launch today.

0:16:150:16:18

I told you she was full of shit.

0:16:200:16:22

Ooh!

0:16:280:16:29

Oh.

0:16:290:16:30

Look what I bought!

0:16:320:16:33

Oh.

0:16:360:16:37

-WEAKLY:

-Yay!

0:16:370:16:38

And I'm not going to lose this one,

0:16:380:16:40

because this is the umpteenth board game I've had to buy,

0:16:400:16:43

cos the other ones keep disappearing. Fancy a game?

0:16:430:16:45

Mm, no, you're all right, actually.

0:16:450:16:48

-Oh, come on!

-No, I think I might just turn in.

0:16:480:16:50

Lorna, it's 6.30.

0:16:500:16:52

Gosh, is it that late already? Night, then.

0:16:520:16:54

Lorna, why don't you want to play Monopoly with me?

0:16:540:16:57

-I do.

-Well, you clearly don't.

0:16:570:16:59

Well, no, it's just... You know, you get a bit competitive, that's all.

0:16:590:17:03

I don't, do I?

0:17:030:17:04

Yeah, you do.

0:17:040:17:06

You're a really bad loser, actually.

0:17:060:17:08

Well, surely no-one LIKES losing.

0:17:080:17:09

I don't mind losing.

0:17:090:17:11

Surely no-one normal likes losing.

0:17:110:17:13

Come on. Just one game?

0:17:150:17:17

I dunno.

0:17:170:17:18

I'll let you wear my flip-flops!

0:17:180:17:20

-All weekend?

-Mm-hm.

0:17:200:17:22

All right, then.

0:17:220:17:25

-Just the one game, though.

-Right.

0:17:250:17:26

Honestly, the way you're carrying on, you'd think I was some kind of monster.

0:17:260:17:29

-Right, highest number starts.

-Yep.

0:17:290:17:31

-Two.

-Bad luck.

0:17:340:17:36

Higher than a two, higher than a two.

0:17:360:17:38

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

0:17:380:17:41

Gargh!

0:17:450:17:46

Argh!

0:17:460:17:48

Gah!

0:17:480:17:49

Argh!

0:17:490:17:50

Argh!

0:17:500:17:51

Argh!

0:17:510:17:53

Hnuh!

0:17:530:17:54

Hnuh!

0:17:540:17:55

-Argh!

-Ingrid!

0:17:550:17:57

Ingrid!

0:17:570:17:58

SHE CHOKES AND COUGHS

0:18:000:18:02

I AM a monster.

0:18:020:18:04

You must never let me play this again.

0:18:100:18:12

Hey, boy.

0:18:490:18:50

Hey, boy. How's it going?

0:18:500:18:52

Not so good, actually.

0:18:520:18:54

I sort of told Araminta

0:18:540:18:55

she could scrub in on my triple bypass surgery.

0:18:550:18:58

Oh, I thought Georgiana was scrubbing in

0:18:580:19:00

on your triple bypass surgery?

0:19:000:19:01

Yah, no, she was.

0:19:010:19:04

Doctor?

0:19:040:19:05

I thought I'd find you two in here.

0:19:090:19:11

Josephina.

0:19:110:19:12

Hey, hon.

0:19:120:19:14

Harry, can I have a word?

0:19:200:19:22

Yah, no, of course.

0:19:220:19:23

I just think you should know that Georgiana's, like, really upset

0:19:280:19:31

that you've asked Araminta to scrub in on your triple bypass surgery.

0:19:310:19:35

Josephina, can I have a word, please?

0:19:390:19:42

Araminta.

0:19:420:19:43

Yah, no, of course.

0:19:430:19:45

I, er...

0:19:490:19:51

I just think that you shouldn't go around meddling

0:19:510:19:54

in people's triple bypass surgeries when it's none of your business.

0:19:540:19:58

Well, isn't this cosy?

0:20:060:20:08

-ALL:

-Georgiana.

0:20:080:20:10

Looks like you got what you wanted, Harry.

0:20:140:20:17

I hope you and Araminta are really happy doing triple bypass

0:20:170:20:20

surgeries together.

0:20:200:20:21

Doctor!

0:20:220:20:23

I never want to speak to you again.

0:20:300:20:31

MACHINE BLEEPS RAPIDLY

0:20:310:20:35

I'll go.

0:20:350:20:36

Georgiana, wait!

0:20:370:20:38

Josephina, wait!

0:20:400:20:42

Hey, Roman, wait for me, boy!

0:20:440:20:46

Wait... What about our triple bypass surgery?

0:20:460:20:50

Hey, babe.

0:20:510:20:53

Oh, my God. Adrian, is that you?

0:21:020:21:04

I almost didn't recognise you there for a minute.

0:21:060:21:09

It's me, Sarah.

0:21:090:21:11

From that night in the pub, remember?

0:21:110:21:13

You're not stalking me, are you? Only joking.

0:21:130:21:17

No, seriously, it's good to see you again, actually. God, what was it?

0:21:170:21:21

Six months ago? I don't know - something like that, anyway.

0:21:210:21:24

Yeah, no, my office is just round the corner so, er...

0:21:240:21:28

Did I tell you I'm a lawyer? I can't remember. Probably did.

0:21:280:21:31

Yeah, and it's quite a big firm, actually,

0:21:310:21:33

so, er, got a really good reputation, so I'm just going to stick with it

0:21:330:21:36

for now and then weigh up my options in a couple of years.

0:21:360:21:39

See how I feel. Now I'm waffling. Oh, no - it's official.

0:21:390:21:42

Yeah, no, cos didn't you come back to mine or something?

0:21:420:21:47

I can't really remember, it was that long ago.

0:21:470:21:49

Well, six months ago, so not THAT long ago.

0:21:490:21:51

God, that was a big night. Total mayhem.

0:21:510:21:54

And then you sort of stayed at mine for, like, the whole weekend.

0:21:540:21:57

And didn't we watch... Didn't we watch Born Free together, or something?

0:21:570:22:00

A bit random. I probably cried, did I?

0:22:000:22:02

And then - what was it - you left, and then never called me again,

0:22:020:22:06

even though you said you would. Blah-blah-blah.

0:22:060:22:09

Not that it matters, cos it was a one-night stand, so...

0:22:090:22:11

Well, two night-stand, actually. Yeah, no, it's a shame

0:22:110:22:14

you didn't let me know where I stood, though, cos I've sort of been

0:22:140:22:16

in limbo for half a year, wondering whether or not to pursue other men,

0:22:160:22:19

because I thought you and me had a connection.

0:22:190:22:21

Anyway, listen, I'm going to be late for work so, er...

0:22:230:22:27

I guess I'll see you around, sailor.

0:22:270:22:30

I meant soldier, not sailor,

0:22:380:22:39

cos you're not a sailor so that doesn't make sense.

0:22:390:22:42

Anyway, take care of yourself.

0:22:420:22:45

VOICES TALKING OVER EACH OTHER

0:22:520:22:56

Ma'am, we've got Agent Green on the line. She's made it into the mainframe but she needs some help.

0:22:560:23:00

Right. Put her on speaker. Agent Green?

0:23:000:23:03

'Chief, chief - we have a code red.

0:23:030:23:05

'I've managed to infiltrate section four,

0:23:050:23:07

'but they've rigged the place with a complex explosive.

0:23:070:23:10

'We've got 73 seconds until this place blows. How do I disarm the bomb?'

0:23:100:23:13

Right, keep calm, Agent Green. Get me some visuals.

0:23:130:23:15

Everyone else, I need silence.

0:23:150:23:17

There's a damn good operative there we need bringing back alive. OK...

0:23:170:23:20

Elegant, very elegant.

0:23:200:23:23

Agent Green, I want you to do exactly as I tell you -

0:23:230:23:25

that way we'll bring you back with all your bits intact.

0:23:250:23:27

-I'm all ears, ma'am.

-Good.

0:23:270:23:29

Now, remove the casing, slide your left hand down the right-hand side.

0:23:290:23:33

OK, good.

0:23:330:23:34

No, don't touch the electricals - it's a very delicate mechanism.

0:23:340:23:37

-Done, ma'am!

-Good.

0:23:370:23:38

Now, I want you to quickly move the... The... You know, the thingy.

0:23:380:23:44

-The fuse?

-No, God, don't touch that.

0:23:440:23:46

-The chemical capsule?

-No, it's, um, it's greeny-blue...

0:23:460:23:49

-There's nothing green here, ma'am.

-Gosh. Um... OK. What's it called?

0:23:490:23:53

Um... Um. Oh, I know - it rhymes with, um, with what's-his-face.

0:23:530:23:57

-What's-his-face?

-You know. The one from that film, um...

0:23:570:23:59

I think Daryl Hannah strangles him with her thighs, or something.

0:23:590:24:02

-She's either a mermaid...

-Oh, Splash?

-..or a robot?

-Blade Runner?

-Yes!

0:24:020:24:06

-Yes.

-Harrison Ford? It rhymes with Harrison Ford?

-No, wait, what?

0:24:060:24:09

-I'm going to need to push you for an answer, ma'am - we've got 50 seconds!

-Is he the sexy one in Jurassic Park?

0:24:090:24:14

-Oh, Sam Neill?

-40 seconds! I'm going to make a guess, ma'am!

-Oh, no,

0:24:140:24:17

don't - you'll detonate it. It's got either a Y in it, or a G.

0:24:170:24:20

I tell you what - I'll Google it. Load up the old Nokia.

0:24:200:24:24

-Ma'am, it'll blow the place to pieces.

-Gosh, that is so like me.

0:24:240:24:27

Tip of my tongue.

0:24:270:24:28

If you don't give me this word in the next six seconds...

0:24:280:24:31

-Pretty Woman! He was in Pretty Woman!

-Richard Gere!

-Yes!

0:24:310:24:35

Thank you. Right, the rear rotor arm, that's it - the rear rotor arm!

0:24:350:24:38

Slide it back under the optical cross-connect switch

0:24:380:24:40

and disconnect the red wire from the detonator.

0:24:400:24:43

Weapon neutralised, ma'am!

0:24:430:24:44

Good work, Agent Green. Didn't doubt you for a second.

0:24:440:24:48

Now get yourself out of there. I don't want another one of my agents

0:24:480:24:51

turned into a terrorist windsock.

0:24:510:24:53

Understood, ma'am!

0:24:530:24:54

I just need the code for the door!

0:24:550:24:57

BEEPING Ma'am?

0:24:570:25:00

BEEPING CONTINUES

0:25:000:25:02

I want to say Celine Dion...

0:25:020:25:04

SAMBA MUSIC

0:25:050:25:08

MUSIC STOPS

0:25:120:25:13

DIFFERENT SAMBA MUSIC IN DISTANCE

0:25:130:25:16

ORIGINAL MUSIC STARTS

0:25:160:25:19

MUSIC STOPS

0:25:230:25:25

OTHER MUSIC INTENSIFIES

0:25:250:25:27

ORIGINAL MUSIC STARTS

0:25:270:25:30

MUSIC STOPS

0:25:340:25:35

OTHER MUSIC PLAYS

0:25:350:25:36

ORIGINAL MUSIC STARTS

0:25:360:25:38

OTHER MUSIC PLAYS

0:25:380:25:41

BOTH MELODIES PLAY OVER EACH OTHER

0:25:410:25:45

MUSIC STOPS

0:25:470:25:49

BOTH MELODIES PLAY OVER EACH OTHER

0:25:520:25:56

Thank you for coming so quickly(!)

0:26:260:26:27

I don't know what's wrong. It just sort of...

0:26:270:26:30

Oh, great(!) Just my luck.

0:26:300:26:34

Are you OK? You're not hurt or anything?

0:26:340:26:36

Just thought I'd get a priority service, what with being a woman, on my own.

0:26:360:26:39

Well, we're here within 30 minutes as promised, so...

0:26:390:26:42

I thought at least they'd send a...man.

0:26:420:26:43

Never mind. PC gone mad.

0:26:430:26:47

-Let's take a look at the engine, shall we?

-Finally - thank you(!)

0:26:470:26:50

I don't mean to be rude - we're not here to chat about chocolate and shoes.

0:26:500:26:54

OK, Looks like you've got air trapped in the coolant lines.

0:26:540:26:57

The whole system's overheated.

0:26:570:26:58

Oh, right. I'll call my husband. He'll give us a second opinion.

0:26:580:27:01

Well, the car's done about 70,000 miles, so that's spot-on for a blown head gasket.

0:27:010:27:05

Darling? Yes, the breakdown man's here, only, well - you talk to HER.

0:27:050:27:10

Tell him what you think's wrong - he'll be able to help.

0:27:100:27:12

OK...

0:27:130:27:14

Hello?

0:27:140:27:16

Right, yeah, I see. OK, thank you, bye.

0:27:160:27:21

What did he say?

0:27:210:27:22

He said he's a primary school teacher and doesn't know

0:27:220:27:24

a thing about cars, so you should just leave it to the experts.

0:27:240:27:27

So when are they getting here?

0:27:270:27:30

OK, I'm just going to, er, call the tow truck,

0:27:300:27:33

get you off to a garage.

0:27:330:27:35

Calling for backup - at last.

0:27:350:27:37

Hello. Yeah, I need a tow truck.

0:27:370:27:39

Honestly.

0:27:410:27:43

Oh, no?!

0:27:450:27:47

Right...

0:27:470:27:48

Let's get it on the truck.

0:27:510:27:52

This is... This is ridiculous!

0:27:520:27:53

You can't possibly... You're a...woman!

0:27:530:27:56

I'm going to flag down some proper help.

0:27:570:28:00

Mind the road!

0:28:000:28:01

Can I get some proper hel...

0:28:010:28:03

TYRES SCREECH

0:28:030:28:05

God?

0:28:110:28:12

Welcome.

0:28:130:28:15

Oh, you've got to be kidding me?!

0:28:150:28:18

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:450:28:48

Ingrid Oliver and Lorna Watson star in more character comedy sketches.

This show includes a forgetful spy; two very competitive old ladies; supermarket shopping with a Brazilian carnival dancer; and how to get hold of a proper cup of tea. Plus there's some controversial Danish knitwear in Watson and Oliver's own version of The Killing, and a rather surprising guest appearance from Claire Balding...