Episode 2 World's Craziest Fools

The following show is full of fools doing foolish things.

Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

Mr T is on a special mission.

He's been searching far and wide,

assembling an army of extraordinary individuals.

People who boldly venture where others fear to tread,

people who dare to do things differently.

People who aren't afraid to ask questions like, "Can I fit in that?"

"What's through that door?" And, "Do I really need a parachute?"

He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.

He's found the world's craziest fools.

Hey, you. Shut up!

If you weren't talking, shut up anyway.

My name is Mr T and you're watching my show.

Today we got fools wrestling snakes,

we got fools falling off ladders.

We got fools going one on one with nature and losing.

We got all kind of crazy stuff. First, this thing is happening.

Fools walking into stuff.

Some days you feel like it's you against the world.

Here's some days when the world won.

Check out this guy. He's late for a meeting.

Boom!

Don't worry about it.

Take off that shirt, go into that meeting

and give the best presentation you've ever given in your life.

And then ask for a pay raise.

This is CCTV from a shop in Canada.

That's a lesson for you all.

Just because something is pink, don't mean it can't kick your butt.

An electronics shop in America.

Watch out for that woman in the top left hand corner.

Don't mess with windows. They don't care about your feelings.

They are selfish and mean.

Keep your eye on the door on the right.

It's not a door. You just made the same mistake he did. Suckers!

See how easy it is?

At last, here's a guy who listened to Mr T.

That's right. Always use your head.

Boom!

Now take a look at these fools.

MUSIC: "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J

Next time you're walking down a street, keep your eyes and ears open.

I don't want to see you getting hurt.

If I find out you went and got yourself hurt,

I will hunt you down and hurt you myself.

A lot of people go around talking about dumb animals.

What they don't know is, a lot of animals go around talking about dumb people.

Here's why.

She's a wonderful critter...

Australia. This guy's about to take on a spider.

..they move lightning fast, that's how they catch their pray.

I'll try to catch her with my best spider sensor, this food container.

-Can you see Daddy and spider?

-Yeah, I can.

-OK.

Daddy, careful.

Decided to get a bigger container

because of the size of this one. I'll have to be really quick.

CHILD SCREAMS

Here's a tip.

Never mess with something with four times as many legs as you.

That's just basic math!

Chengdu Zoo in China.

This guy is about to show us

why you shouldn't stand too close to the panda cage.

That's a nice jacket.

This panda's going to be the best dressed animal in the zoo.

Up next, this.

Check out this guy.

He's got a lot of love to give and there ain't nothing wrong with that.

You should always be ready to receive love,

no matter what you doing.

I've seen enough. End this.

Check this out.

You know what this guy's problem is? He's too sexy.

He's driving those monkeys wild with his sexiness.

They can't help themselves!

If you're this sexy, don't go to the zoo.

Now take a look at this fool.

The lesson here, always be vigilant.

You never know where an attack is coming from.

Welcome to the USA.

MAN: No, I don't know about that...

Oh. Oh!

THEY LAUGH

No, I don't know about that...

I pity the fool!

What's going on here?!

This is all kinds of wrong.

Let's look at this again.

Here's what happens if you get too close to a horse's butt.

You end up looking like a horse's butt.

Those horse shoes don't seem too lucky now, do they? Sucker!

Now you know what happens when you go messing with wild animals.

But I've got news for you. Keeping them as pets ain't good either.

Now listen to this real-life police call.

I'm just driving along having a nice day out.

Oh, no, what's happening? I left the handbrake off. Boom!

You just witnessed an example of how an accident happens.

Here's a bunch of people who left their handbrakes off. Take a look.

Mexico. This guy pulled up to a store.

Maybe he wants to buy himself a certain delicious chocolate bar with nuts in it.

MUSIC: "Forget You" by Cee-Lo Green

He's thinking, "Where did my truck go? Where did I leave it again?"

"Maybe I left it inside the shop!"

"Inside or outside, I wish I could remember where I parked it."

An underground parking garage.

Here's a curious guy.

He wants to see if he can park his car, buy a ticket

and open the parking gate at the same time.

He can't.

This teacher forgot to put his handbrake on

and ended up chasing his BMW down a hill.

Get in, get in, get in, get it, get it!

Chasing a car is a great way to exercise.

Exercise is important to keep your body healthy and toned.

I do 3,000 press-ups a day, then I have breakfast.

Things are pretty slow round here.

It must be boring being the security guard,

sitting around watching CCTV all day.

That's why this nice driver has decided to liven things up a bit.

It's important to make people laugh.

I employ seven people to keep me entertained with jokes on a daily basis.

That's why I'm always in a such good mood.

MR T LAUGHS

This bus driver forgot to put his handbrake on,

then got his arm stuck in the door.

It's a nice try, but there are only two people in the world

who can stop a runaway bus.

And I'm both of 'em.

South Africa.

In this showroom, someone's just about to buy a brand-new vehicle.

Before you sign on the dotted line,

I recommend not signing on the dotted line.

You might want to buy a car that comes with a handbrake instead.

This lady parked up and is off to do some shopping.

Let's see. Hmm...

Milk, eggs, washing up liquid...

Oh! You'd better get a brand-new car while you're at it.

Also get me some chicken, I'm hungry.

England.

This lady is stuck in the snow.

She gets out of her car to push but ends up losing control.

She's an idiot. She's left her car in gear, and she comes out.

It's about to hit the house.

Oh, my God!

What a fool!

Welcome to Russia. Something exciting is about to go down.

This is what happened when it snowed.

If it snows, I recommend that you stay indoors and watch The A-Team.

This mailman in America pulls up to a gas station and forgets to put his handbrake on.

I always stay too long...

The van rolls straight onto a busy highway.

Then, amazingly, it rolls straight back around again.

-Right back into place.

-Suddenly I found myself somewhere...

Someone better give that van a promotion.

Also, give it a raise.

Whatever that van's earning, double it!

Now take a listen to this phone call.

I once got locked in a car with nothing but two coathangers, and my furry dice and a blow torch.

I built a helicopter and flew my way out!

Sports fools!

Look at me. What you see is an outstanding sportsman.

I've won six Olympic gold medals.

You might not know that, the Olympic Committee don't know it either, but I know it, and that's what counts.

Anyway, here's some rules for sports fools.

Rule number one - showing off is nothing, playing the game is everything.

Boom! Rule number two - understand the objective of the game you are playing.

If you are playing soccer, you're supposed to get the ball in the back of the soccer net.

Rule number three - whatever happens, try and cross the finish line.

Failing that, try and at least cross the starting line!

Rule number four - if you are playing a team sport, make sure you remember what team you on!

There ain't no I in team, but there is a T.

Rule number five - play by the rules.

If that's not working out for you, break the rules, make some new rules.

Look at this guy, he'll stop at nothing to win.

He's a champion.

There's another rule in sports, rule six - never celebrate too early.

Here's a bunch of fools who learned it the hard way. Pity them!

# All I do is win, win, win No matter what

# Got money on my mind I can never get enough

# And every time I step up In the building

# Everybody hands go up

# And they stay there

# And they say yeah

# Cos all I do is win, win, win

# And if you going in put your hands in the air

# Ludacris goin in on the verse cos I never been defeated

# And I won't stop now Keep your hands up

# Get 'em in the sky For the homies that didn't make it

# And my folks locked down I never went nowhere

# They saying Luda's back Blame it on that conjure

# The hood call it Ludayac

# And I'm on this foolish track so I spit my foolish flows

# My hands go up and down Like strippers' booties go

# My verses still be serving Tight like a million virgins

# Last time on a Khaled remix Now I'm on the original version

# Can't never count me out Y'all better count me in

# Got 20 bank accounts Accountants count me in

# Make millions every year The south's champion

# Cos all I do, all I All I, all I

# All I do is win, win, win No matter what

# Got money on my mind I can never get enough

# And every time I step up in the building

# Everybody hands go up

# And they stay there And they say yeah

# And they stay there

# Up, down, up, down

# Cos all I do is win, win, win

# And if you going in Put your hands in the air

# Make 'em stay there Win, win, win no matter what

# Got money on my mind I can never get enough

# And everytime I step up In the building

# Everybody hands go up

# And they stay there And they say yeah

-# And they stay there

-Up, down, up, down

# Cos all I do is win, win, win

# And if you going in Put your hands in the air

# Make 'em stay there. #

LAUGHTER

Remember, people, it ain't time to shine till you crossed the line.

In my time, I've been a wrestler,

a soldier, a bouncer, a bodyguard, a television and a film actor.

I know work can be tough.

This section, in honour of good men and women who keep on going, no matter what stands in their way.

# Sometimes there's gonna be days like this... #

Italy. This guy has been called to repair a surveillance camera.

Well, the camera works!

This man had just made sure his moment has been recorded in history.

This guy is trying to get some boxes out of a truck.

The boxes are now out of the truck.

I can't imagine a way to get them out of the truck quicker.

This was a successful truck-emptying mission.

What's going on here?

I'm going to assume these guys were hired

to knock down those two glass doors at the front of the building.

Having made that assumption, I would say these guys have done a pretty good job.

Mexico, and this cleaner's taking a new approach to washing automatic doors.

LAUGHTER

Now, those guys filming her are laughing, but I think she's a genius. Why do all the work?

Just hold them up still and make the doors work for you.

Next up, Texas.

Now we don't have to strain ourselves reaching for those top-shelf items.

We can just pick them right off the floor!

These guys have just spent hours loading all those trolleys onto the back of a truck.

Now we know why the wheels on those things are always messed up!

Locker rooms can be boring.

Here's how to make them fun.

I love dominoes. It's a great way to make boring afternoons fly by.

You're looking at a supermarket.

Don't worry, this lady won't be defeated.

She'll learn from this and come back stronger.

These glass doors aren't opening properly, so along come a couple of guys to try to fix it. That did it.

Ain't no problem getting in and out now!

Next up, this happens.

Just cut it. Just cut it.

Come on now.

-You better get that rope!

-Ah!

I'm not sure what this guy is trying to accomplish.

But if it's falling, then this is a win.

Now listen to this true story.

A Hong Kong man aged 50 entered the accident and emergency department

at a hospital complaining of abdominal pain.

Wondering what had caused this problem, doctors ordered an X-ray

and spotted what appeared to be an eel inside his colon.

Yes, the man admitted, there was an eel inside him.

He'd been suffering from constipation,

he told the dubious medical staff,

and thought that inserting an eel into his rectum would relieve it.

The man was rushed to the operating room where an emergency proctoscopy

disclosed that a 50cm eel was biting the side of his colon.

The eel had also taken a bite out of his rectal wall in transit.

After surgeons removed the animal and reconstructed his rectum,

the man's pain was cured.

Also, he discovered that he was no longer constipated. Hurrah.

Now watch this!

Number one.

A baseball.

I think that's gone into the foul zone.

Number two.

A rolled up copy of Church Times magazine.

Get thee behind me, Satan!

Number three.

A bottle of Mrs Butterworth's delicious syrup.

It goes well with chocolate pancakes.

Number four.

A pair of reading glasses.

Whatever they were looking for, I hope they found it.

Number five. A lightbulb. Whose bright idea was that?

That's it, the show's over.

I know it makes you sad, but guess what! It's OK to cry.

Real men aren't afraid to show their tears.

Like my mother always said, never trust a man who don't cry.

See you next time.

So long, suckers!

# I pity the fool

# I said I pity the fool

# Mmm, I pity the fool

# I said I pity the fool

# That falls in love with you

# And expects you to be true Oh, I pity the fool

# Look at the people

# I know you're wondering what they're doing

# They're just standing there

# Watching you make a fool of me... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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