The Coach with the Dragon Tattoo Class

I come from a planet more beautiful

-than you could ever believe.

-We come from that planet.

Shoot it now, or it'll kill us both!

This programme contains some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting

..you both now share April's heart.

GROANING

You leave...

..or I'll make you leave.

You have not seen the last of us.

Coal Hill will continue to act like a beacon across all of space-time.

You will help these amazing humans here,

and these amazing humans will help you.

VWORP

So, are we all, like, mates then?

This programme contains some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting

'It's Ram. Leave a message.'

Hey, it's Tanya. Where are you?

I haven't seen you since prom.

Hey, it's April. Just wondered if you wanted to talk about...

you know, things. Give me a call. We're all worried.

It's Charlie. I have socks. Call me.

Hey, it's me.

-Faster than that!

-Come on, come on! Pass it!

-Man on, man on!

Go on.

Have you got two left feet or something?

Come on, bruv!

Jesus Christ. Singh, come here.

His girlfriend's still missing. Maybe you could...

Do I look like a counsellor?

Face your demons and you conquer them.

If you didn't come to do that...

I came to play, Coach.

Well, you could've fooled me.

Don't ever question me in front of the players again.

You need to lay off the roids, man.

What was that?

We're done! Go home!

You run them too hard.

There's a limit to how much even a teenager...

RUMBLING

Coach Dawson?

-Should you even be here?

-I don't want to talk about it.

Rachel's only been gone a week.

I said I don't want to talk about it.

I need to see the coach.

Tom?

STEADY DRIPPING

SCREECHING

HE YELLS

ROARING

STEADY DRIPPING

HE MURMURS

SWEEPING

I said go home, Singh.

-Did you see?

-All I see is a player whose form's dropped.

-Coach Carroll.

-He went home.

Look, you're my best player, Singh.

But I meant what I said.

I'm not a counsellor. I look forward to getting the real you back.

For now, you watching me shower breaks about 17 laws.

Come to play next time.

I...I will.

I'm in control.

I'm in control.

Not you!

Not you.

GROWLING

# What have I been waiting for?

# Been wasting all my time

# Watching my youth slip away

# Surely is a crime

# We go on and on and on and on and on

# Never knowing where never knowing where

# We gonna, we gonna we gonna end up in the morning

# We go on and on and on and on and on

# Never knowing where never knowing where

# We gonna, we gonna we gonna end up in the morning. #

Do you think that it helps to forget?

-Is that a human thing?

-You mean all the stuff at prom?

This world is partially invaded.

We seem to be the only ones who remember it.

Coal Hill has a body count way above average, they've got to know.

And just choose not to see?

What a fascinating power.

"Fascinating power." Interesting words.

Do you honestly think nothing else will happen?

That nothing else will get pooped out through the bunghole of time?

That's not what we're calling it, are we?

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if nothing else ever

came through the space-time thing.

You'd never get your heart back.

If it's a choice between that and people dying...

Even if something does come through, what are we supposed to do about it?

We're not superheroes.

Have any of you talked to him?

-He won't let us.

-Maybe you don't know what it's like.

Everyone I ever knew was murdered.

I'm sharing a heart with the genocidal alien who did that.

Still...

Membrane of time?

-Chasm?

-Fracture.

Bunghole.

-What?

-An inspector.

-Sorry, a what?

-The school is being inspected, Miss Quill,

and your class is part of the school,

though your continuous surprise at that fact is troubling.

No.

No, I'm not a monkey to be jumping through hoops.

All teachers are monkeys, Miss Quill.

Haven't you been listening to the education secretary?

The inspector will be here today.

He's especially interested in us improving our science rating.

I'm sure you'll do us proud.

Don't show up if you didn't come to win.

Hey. How's it feeling?

Ask me again, go on.

How's it feeling?

I'm just wondering...

We're not friends, dickface!

I'm not part of whatever loser "save the world" crew this is.

I've got enough to deal with on my own.

You don't have to do it alone.

Ask me again, go on.

Abysmal.

Abysmal.

Abysmal.

Abysmal.

Abysmal.

Tell me, Ram, was there a great big window of porn open as you typed?

Yeah, I was spanking myself off a good one.

Had to do the whole paper with my left hand.

Don't think I won't put you in detention, Ram.

Be nice to him. His girlfriend's missing.

He's got football practice.

-You can't just...

-Would you all just leave me alone?

I don't need anyone's help.

Sounds like such a cry for help.

DOOR SLAMS

PENCIL SCRATCHES

Surprise quiz.

BELL RINGS

Mr Dawson?

Is Coach Carroll around? I was hoping to do some extra training.

Nope.

He quit on me.

Getting a lot of that lately.

-Yeah, you see that, do you?

-The way I've been playing?

Yeah. The way you've been playing.

-You used to have strength, Singh.

-I'll get it back.

I'll earn my place. I've got to.

I know about your girlfriend.

But this game isn't built on niceness.

-I don't want it to be.

-Good.

There is no third team,

if you get my meaning. Don't screw up again.

Now, go.

Go!

You're going crazy, Ram.

WOMAN CLEARS HER THROAT

Do you ever feel like you're losing it?

In my country, I was an accountant.

I already lost it.

METALLIC SCRAPING

SCREECH!

Aaaah!

HE PANTS

APPROACHING VOICES

Ram, where the hell have you been?

We've been trying to...

Has something happened?

I saw something.

At first I thought I was imagining it,

like PTSD or something, but...

It was horrible. Like really horrible.

Horrible we can tell an adult,

or horrible we're going to have to figure it out by ourselves?

Do you have any idea what the discipline

of a Nigerian parent is like?

I'll be lucky not to end up in a convent if she catches me.

-It was over there.

-Definitely alien?

First time, I just saw gore and grossness, yeah?

This time it killed that woman.

She seemed really nice.

She was just sneaking a fag and that thing....

Skinned her alive?

Ugh!

-You were smoking?

-Are you serious?

You're an athlete, how can you do something that stupid?

Because that's totally the issue here, Tanya(!)

What are we mixed up in? How are we supposed to handle

people being skinned alive?

Miss Quill's meant to help us.

Oh, yeah, her and her happy super best sparkle team.

SHE SIGHS

Are we going to go over there

or are we just going to wave from a distance?

There's nothing here, Ram. It's clean.

In fact, it's really clean.

It happened, Tanya.

And I didn't do anything, I just hid. I let it kill her.

Do you honestly think you could've stopped it?

You're right. It's stupid.

Stupid leg I can barely stand on.

People are dead.

Rachel's dead.

I can't even stop a ball any more.

You saved April from being taken by the Shadow Kin.

You might not think you can stop anything any more,

but you stopped them from taking her.

And you did that hopping on one leg.

For god's sake, Ram, I'm 14, I'm not a therapist.

I'm three years younger than our entire year.

All I wanted to do was make actual friends and then this happened

and I thought, "Do you know what...?"

GROWLING

-What the hell are you doing?

-Sorry, we thought you were...

I can't wait to hear the end of that sentence.

There's weird things about, Coach.

Are you high, Singh?

-No.

-Is that why your form's dropped?

What are you doing on school grounds,

little non-sportsperson who I've never seen before

but whose name I'll be only too happy to learn?

I doubt you're supposed to be here either.

I'm a teacher. I work here.

Is a coach really a teacher?

If I never see you again, my life will improve a good...

..30, 35%.

And you...

What a disappointment.

Get out of here, both of you.

Wouldn't want anything weird to find you.

-Do not tell the others.

-Ram!

Maybe I am cracking up.

This is getting out of control.

We agreed.

Fix it!

PENCIL SCRATCHES

Spread it!

Free ball, free ball!

Go on, go on!

Yes, yes, yes!

Well done.

There's no reason to lose hope about Rachel.

-She's dead.

-You don't know that.

-She might just have run away.

-Dad, just stop it, please.

-I just...

Stop it! Can everyone just stop with the bullshit, please?

Stop trying to make me talk about it.

Mum?

I think we're in terrible danger.

-Paul Smith?

-I couldn't find anything about him online.

At first I thought he was an evil designer of casual coats and gifts,

but I guess that's somebody else,

because this Paul Smith, he is nowhere to be found.

Maybe he's a normal citizen.

-You can't look everyone up.

-Oh, yes, you can.

Have you seen what this species puts about themselves online?

So much genitalia.

Did you not see his clothes?

Course you didn't.

His jacket was made this year, you could tell by the collar,

but the stitches in his trousers were at least 40 years out of date.

I looked them up. His spectacles?

No curvature to the lenses - obviously costume.

And his hands, which he uses all day for writing with,

had no writing callus on the second finger.

And you're sure it's not just because he gave you a bad report?

You know what? Fine.

Fine. You and your little team, you go and pretend to save the world.

I'll just stick to saving you from boring old death.

What about non-cool subjects?

Maths is ridiculously easy this year.

Why aren't you trying to make me talk about it?

About Rachel?

I guess talking about it didn't do me any good.

-Not at first, anyway.

-You?

My dad died almost two years ago.

A stroke.

He was fine at dinner.

Just never woke up the next morning.

-I didn't know that.

-The point is,

I didn't know what anyone wanted me to say, so I didn't say anything.

Until one day, I did.

TICKING

Who are you? What are you doing here?

What do you keep writing?!

Why don't you talk?!

Whoever you are, I am going to string you up

-on that wall by your b...

-BELL RINGS

I don't even understand some of these swearwords.

He was purposefully provoking me.

You know I'm not supposed to get this report.

And amazingly, he hasn't asked for your immediate dismissal.

He wants to observe you again.

-Maybe he likes you.

-Ah...

-No, no-one likes me.

-I like you.

You're a pain in my bottom,

but at least you're a fresh kind of pain, and for a headteacher,

that's almost...

-marriage.

-No.

No, there's a whiff around him. I'm telling you, he is evil.

He's from Ofsted. Of course he's evil.

At least try not to get us into any special measures.

The governors wouldn't like it.

But you didn't see anything?

No, but he wasn't lying.

He didn't even want me to tell you about it.

He's been really upset lately. Maybe he just thinks he saw something.

That's what he said, but people don't do that.

What are we supposed to do? OK?

Aren't we supposed to be working this out together?

I thought we'd be, like...

-I don't know, like...

-You are lonely.

Yeah, because that's how people talk to each other(!)

Tanya, we're your friends.

I only tell my friends I play violin.

-You play violin?

-Folk music mainly.

What's folk music?

Meanwhile, Ram is really suffering and Miss Quill is horrible,

and I'm having no luck hacking into...

-Hacking into what?

-See? We're almost helpless.

-FOLK MUSIC FROM PHONE

-At least I'm trying to do something.

-Why do they all dance in a circle?

-But this is the first time

you've told us about it and it might not even be real.

The headteacher.

-He's your friend, right?

-Mr Armitage?

I wouldn't say friend.

Let's ask him about the missing cleaner.

Let's at least find out how real it is.

As it happens, there was a cleaner who didn't turn up today.

Why?

(I didn't think this through.)

Was there anything...weird about her not showing up?

How did you know it was a her?

Going to be ten laps, going side to sides.

All laziness will be punished.

Coach.

My God.

There's my own personal broken record.

I have to say, I'd be surprised if any of you three

were up to mischief, especially you, April.

I can be mischievous.

I'm on your side. You can talk to me.

I know all teachers say that, but...

we mostly actually mean it.

OK, you're probably not going to believe this, but...

-April!

-What? We can't just...

GLASS SHATTERS

Can't just what?

Sorry, but you're out of chances.

Coach, have I ever questioned you?

-No.

-That's because I want to learn.

I want what's best for me, Coach.

I need to be on the team, that's who I am.

Get out! Run!

-CREATURE:

-There is hunger!

There is anger!

Is there happiness, maybe?

YELLING

Maybe you could give me some tutoring.

I could get my form back.

Get better.

I've always respected you.

Even when you've been a total dick.

THEY WHIMPER

HISSING

You know, Ram, maybe this is the universe's way of saying

sport isn't for you.

Now, go home.

GROWLING

APRIL: There was blood everywhere. We...

We weren't making it up.

No, no, of course you weren't.

Young people never play pranks on authority figures.

Hey, The Doctor said you're supposed to help us.

-You're my protector.

-Yeah, don't I know it.

But who's mine?

We really are on our own.

You're in control.

You're in control.

When did you know the time was right to start talking?

ALERT BLEEP

Hey.

I talked to my brothers, which I didn't expect, but...

But they knew.

Cos the same thing happened to them.

It wasn't like big group hugs or anything.

We'd play Xbox and...

Jarvis would say, "Do you remember how bad Dad was at this?"

and Damon would say, "Yeah," and I'd say, "Yeah."

And then we'd laugh and keep playing.

It'd be a little better.

Not a lot, but at least a little bit.

I miss her.

I know.

All I see when I close my eyes is her dying.

I just saw Mr Armitage being skinned alive.

-What do we do?

-You're the prince, you tell me.

You've seen genocide, you've seen monsters.

You saw it? Why didn't you say?

I've been trying to tell you all evening, you wouldn't answer.

-Tanya!

-Charlie and April saw it, too.

We were all there, we've all been doing the same thing.

Again.

-MESSAGE ALERT BLEEP

-Oh, hold on, that's Tanya.

Hey. Ram...

Enough, April. You saw it.

Um, yeah. It was...

What did it look like?

Show him the drawing.

-Wow, that's really good.

-That's what killed the cleaner.

Have you seen it before?

-Charlie.

-I haven't seen every alien.

The universe is unimaginably big.

Would it be in that database you're hacking, Tanya?

Hacking isn't as easy as people think.

But you were smart enough to write it.

-That's very clever.

-I, um...

Downloaded it from Reddit.

Oh, shit.

-ALL:

-What?

Show me that again. Cover its head with your hand.

Of course!

Of course, you idiot!

I know where we've got to go.

No Matteusz?

Grounded.

Whatever that means.

Oh, come on, Tanya.

"Oh, please, Quill, help us with a skin-peeling dragon.

"We're just little arses of smart

"who don't even know what evil looks like."

DOOR SLAMS

Not unhandsome buttocks.

When you make your aggressive move - and you will...

..then you'll regret ever thinking you could inspect Miss Quill.

Oh, for God's sake, what do you want?

Really?

-Finally!

-Can I just stress again how much more I'm risking

than any of you? My mum would punish God if he snuck out.

We're all here. What do we do?

We find Coach Dawson.

Who's Coach Dawson?

Yeah, we're all on the same team.

# Alarms go off when I enter the building

# YALA

# YALA. #

You have no idea how alone I am.

I'm trapped here. I literally... I can't leave.

And I quite like the headmaster.

Not that anybody asked. So maybe you're perfect for me.

Someone who won't ask anything of me at all.

GROWLING

They weren't kidding.

-It's a tattoo.

-What is?

The picture you showed me. The coach has a tattoo exactly like it.

The thing we saw wasn't a tattoo.

Neither was the thing I saw.

But we're all here and it's time to do something, right?

That's what you all want, that's what this is supposed to be.

We're supposed to deal with what comes through.

There's no going back to the life before,

so let's go find the coach.

Is that him?

Oh, my God.

Is that...?

It's Armitage.

ROARING

OK, what's the plan?

So we came here without a plan? Why am I not surprised?

I've got a plan.

OK, I'm out of ideas.

Maybe not.

Sorry.

So, what are we talking about here?

A sentient tattoo? An alien tattoo?

It comes off his body. It kills people, skins them.

You mean this one?

He was a robot.

Oh, damn.

I don't know what exactly's going on,

but I know you're right in the middle of this.

Ask yourself what you want more, Singh.

Do you want to be wrong or do you want to be right?

I used to look up to you.

I did. You used to push me.

You made me better.

And you were the right kind of scary.

-But now...

-You're not afraid.

No. I am afraid, I just...

I just realised that.

But I'm going to kick your arse anyway.

I have to get it to attack you!

What?! Hey!

It's the only way I can fight it.

GROWLING

I don't think it's the one on his body, Ram.

No, it's not the one on my body.

-That's her mate.

-And the inspector? He was a robot.

All right, fine, yeah, I get it -

it's only Quill, who cares if she kissed a robot?

-You kissed him?

-Right, yeah, now you're listening, aren't you?

-COACH:

-You can't have her.

You can never have her, she's mine!

-What did you do?

-I was nothing.

I was weak.

Even the players didn't respect me.

One day I felt her burnt into my skin.

Some sort of accident when she travelled here.

But she was trapped in me, on my skin,

and suddenly I had dragon blood running through my veins.

I was bigger, stronger.

And then her mate came looking.

I knew he'd never do anything to risk her harm.

There is a price.

Her mate has to kill to provide blood for her to drink.

That's how they feed.

She's trapped in me, there's no other way,

but I have it under control!

But I'm sorry that you've all seen so much.

Kill them.

Don't worry, I get it - Quill fights to the death so you can all live.

You're just going to take that?

Now would be a great time for that plan, Ram.

He doesn't have any choice.

He needs my skin intact or she dies.

And if you don't kill these kids right now...

ROARING

You're going to do this forever?

-You're going to grieve forever?

-Ram, no!

-CREATURE:

-She is trapped!

You didn't say it could talk.

-Yeah, sorry.

-So she's trapped.

Maybe you'll never get her off his body.

That's the new reality, what are you going to do about it?

At least I've been fighting this arsehole - what have you done?

-Let him set the rules for you?

-I'll harm her.

You know I will.

You won't kill her, though.

Otherwise you'll kill him.

So it's a standoff.

But why does it have to be a standoff on your terms?

-Don't!

-Don't you know what we do with skin in this world?

Have you never heard of leather?

-Leather?

-No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Make a chair out of him or something.

Maybe you'll never have her back the way you want.

I'll never get Rachel back either.

But at least you'll have her.

Maybe you could find a way to make the new reality work.

I'm done.

Kill me. Skin me!

I don't want to keep seeing the things I've seen.

I don't want the future to keep feeling impossible.

Or don't. I don't care.

It's your life.

-ROARING

-No, no, no, no!

Wait! I swear... Don't, please!

Please!

Please...

HE YELLS

-CHARLIE:

-We did it.

-We stopped the dragon.

-"We"?

Is this what we do now? We kill people?

Well, he did kill a lot of other people.

And that makes it OK?

I'm OK with it.

But that's not really proof.

And we still have no idea what that was.

So we're just as blind and stupid as we was before.

Well, we still did it, though.

-We stopped it.

-I just thought it would feel better.

Oh, Ram... Ram, wait.

We killed somebody.

We killed a bad guy.

Charlie, I don't think I want to kill anybody.

Not even bad guys.

I mean, can't we just send them back through the bunghole of time?

Please say we're not calling it that.

So, is no-one going to ask about the robot?

Wait! Jesus, Ram!

You meant what you said. You didn't care if it killed you.

But it didn't.

It left me with the rest of my stupid life, didn't it?

Yeah. Yeah, it did.

You're still not going to make me talk about it, are you?

Lift back to your house?

PHONE BUZZES

Is it a physical thing, son?

Because we can check with a doctor.

Dad...

Can I talk to you about something?

You don't have to believe it.

You don't have to believe any of it.

But it's what's been happening.

A rip in space and time?

-Dragons?

-It's what I've seen, Dad.

Hey, hey, son.

Look...

Do you remember when I used to line up the balls for you?

You were so small, you used to fall over them sometimes.

HE LAUGHS

But you got better.

The governors.

Now, who might you be?

PHONE RINGS

Come on, Tanya, where are you?

Daddy?

Two streets up, then left!

YELLING