09/05/2016 EastEnders

RADIO: '..through traffic there. That's all because of an earlier

'accident that's caused queues...'

Aw.

That's nice colouring.

Look, you've even managed to stay in between the lines.

You going to support us today?

Should be a decent crowd,

now everybody's seen Beale's true colours.

Flowers?

You having an affair?

No.

I bought them for you.

Well, pink ain't really my colour, is it?

But I know somebody who'll want these.

Oi! It's not breakfast in bed unless you stay in bed.

Well, we could just skip the breakfast bit.

PHONE

HE SIGHS

Hello?

Dot?

Slow down. Go back a bit.

Amy's done what?

There you go, my love. Thank you.

These are for you.

He's got something he wants to say.

Spit it out.

She wants me to apologise.

Apologise? Why?

For involving you in this stupid row with Ian.

All right. I am sorry, OK?

Don't know what's the matter with him lately.

He's acting like a right prat.

I swear by Almighty God, that the evidence that I shall be giving,

will be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So...

-Order! Order!

-Mum!

Stop doing that! It's horrible.

-Sorry.

-Shh, shh.

What colour are my eyes?

Hazel.

You don't know me, remember.

Oh, yeah.

Hazel.

In your statement, you describe the accused as "around five foot

"eight in height, mid-forties, large build with brown hair and blue eyes".

Yeah, nah, I said the geezer was a bit of a lump, you know.

-So you agree you made the statement?

-Yeah.

You were sitting in your van when you saw the accused running

away from the crime scene at 17:45 on Tuesday the 5th February 2015?

If that's what it says that I said, then that's what I said.

At that time of year it would have been dark.

And yet you could distinguish his eye colour

-from a distance of three metres?

-Aha!

What you piping up for?

Er, yeah, because of the street lights? So, er...

There are no street lights on that road.

OTHERS LAUGH

He's done you, oh, he's done you!

-What's happening here, Judge?

-Oi! Order in the court.

Objection.

What colour are this man's eyes?

I don't know, look, I don't know...

-No further questions, your honour.

-THEY WHOOP AND CHEER

Why are there no further questions?

Cos he smashed it out the park.

That was brilliant. You're so clever.

I don't get it, were his eyes blue or not?

This is why the justice system's up the wazoo!

I am going to have to get you on a family rate, keep me out of clink.

Just joking. My days as a master criminal are well and truly over.

"Master"? Remind us how much bird you did again?

-Ah.

-What's the matter, anyway?

Right. I'm branching out with the campaign.

Which is why I'd like you to put these up in the bar downstairs.

-No, sorry...

-Why not?

Because as much as we'd love to help, Jane's a mate.

Come on, son.

I mean if we all lose our stalls you lose all your punters.

Look, look. You're me old man, I respect what you're doing but the game's rigged.

You can't take on CostMart. It's stupid.

Bet Ian's shaking in his boots.

SHE CHUCKLES

Grandad. "Boycott" has got two Ts.

Oh, has it.

Right.

It's all right, I'll set up on my own.

Hey?

I can't afford to pay you the extra hour.

Sorry.

I don't know. Fancy writing that filth on her bedroom wall!

I mean, where she heard that language from in the first place,

I should like to know.

Cos I don't entertain language under my roof.

Mum says them all the time.

Zip it, you. You're in enough trouble as it is.

-When's Mum coming?

-Right, you. Put that down.

Go and get your school bag. Go on.

Yes, and you promised to be back before she got up this morning.

And I'm late opening up the laundrette

-on account of all this carry-on.

-KNOCKING

-I'm sorry, Dot. Look I'll paint over it tomorrow.

-Tomorrow?!

Yeah, I got to meet that supplier about those khazis today.

-KNOCKING

-Listen, I can do it.

What that child needs is a stable life.

She's just missing Roxy. She woke up calling for her last night.

Amy let me in. Picking up the plans?

Oh, right. Yeah, they're over at Ron's. Ron, can you take him over?

No, I can't. I'm going to be late taking Amy to school.

Give me the keys. I'll pick 'em up later.

Yeah, all right. Go on, then.

Oh.

We had some news.

There's been some remains found on the site.

What?

A body?

Yeah. Everyone's pretty shaken up.

I got to sit down...I've come over all queer.

Cause of death looks suspicious.

That's Rolf.

Very funny.

-We're going to be late for school

-That guy's looking at you again...

Ugh. He's gross.

Wait here.

All right?

You two related?

Nah. He's, like, my brother.

Yeah. And you're, like, late for school.

Er, look. My mate thinks you're fit.

Or were you looking at me?

See ya.

Look at you! It's the dimples and the bun!

-What did you say?

-Told him to stop being a perv.

Come on, we're late.

TEXT ALERT

Looks like we've got a dangerous case of first love on our hands.

Yeah...

TEXT ALERT

-What is it?

-It's a reminder...

results tomorrow.

Here, look I've got an idea - why don't you skip work, we'll get

a bottle of wine and we'll just sit in Vicky Park or something...

Thanks, but I'll be better at work.

And you need to sign on, anyway.

Where'd I be without Captain Sensible?

Sonia, take one of those, love. Good girl. Thanks a lot.

Can we talk?

Let's go somewhere a bit more private, eh?

I didn't realise he was a special pet.

No, it's fine. It just caught me off guard. That's all.

Cried like a baby when my dog died.

Only a gerbil...

Well, you wouldn't get it unless you've had a pet.

See you later.

Do you know your mum used to have a rabbit called Kylie?

She used to like dressing it up.

Did she stop loving that, too?

Here, listen. She hasn't stopped loving you.

She just...she just feels a little bit lost at the moment, that's all.

Here, take your jacket.

I don't think she's ever going to forgive her.

I wouldn't blame her.

Look, all right, I'm sorry, sorry.

Dot's right.

I need to spend a bit more time with Ames.

Which is why I think we should move in with you.

We're going to do it sooner or later, ain't we?

Makes sense, right?

Yeah.

Well, we can talk about it later, can't we?

Amy? Sweetie? Come on.

Come and say goodbye to Daddy.

Bye, Daddy.

Speak to you later, yeah?

Good girl.

I'm...

Sorry about earlier, with Shirley.

I thought she was about rip me head off. I thought you'd told her.

No. No.

I think you're gorgeous, Kathy...

-Oh, listen, Buster, please, you don't have to...

-I know. I know.

You see, the thing is with Shirley is,

she drives me up the wall.

She's stubborn, she's moody.

Her idea of a romantic dinner is a kebab with a promise.

But she's my Shirl.

She always has been.

Always will be.

If things had been different...

No. That's fine, honestly.

I just thought we were friends.

Well, we are.

I'm sorry I betrayed your confidence,

I was desperate.

I don't get many chances at my age.

It's true. I've been inside half my life and, well...

This thing with CostMart.

I am right.

Really?

Oh, by the way. You spelt "boycott" wrong.

Bet you'll be loaded soon, an' all.

-Starting salary's not that much.

-Better than working here, innit?

Oi, oi! Our wedding fund's doing all right, actually, I'll have you know.

Yeah, I've always wanted to be a 50-year-old bride, Lee.

Dad, don't you think we should be supporting Grandad?

I mean my job's on the line an' all

and I've got a wedding I need to pay for.

I know. Listen, If it's on top take a few more shifts here.

Not like the fish stall's your big dream, is it?

Sorry, we're not open yet.

Ian.

Come on. You haven't spoken to me for two days.

How long's this going to go on for?

I saw you and Buster getting cosy earlier.

I was trying to get him to change his mind...

I thought having you back...

I thought it'd mean having someone I could rely on,

someone who was on my side.

I am on your side.

Stupid of me to expect loyalty from a mum who lets

her sons and family think she was dead for ten years.

Look, I need to crack on.

Jane's having one of her migraines, it's...

probably been brought on by all the stress.

Is Stace about? I've got her cut from the Ladies In Lace party.

Nah, she's at her weekly appointment with her care co-ordinator.

Oh, will you give her this for me?

-Yeah.

-And tell her I'm organising her hen do.

Yeah. You do know she wants something low-key, don't you?

So,

what do you think?

Your dad and Johnny - they got the brains.

Me and you, son, we got the brawn.

Oh, hello again. How can I help you?

I just fancied a bit of salmon.

We've got a delivery later today.

Oh. Oh, never mind. I'll stop at the supermarket on my way home.

Probably cheaper, anyway.

Oh, no. We do, er, we do delivery. Don't we?

Yeah.

Discount?

10%.

If you let me have a look at your koi carp.

I'll have you know they're not that kind of fish.

They're shy.

Pity. THEY CHUCKLE

This is me. All right?

Yeah, course it is.

Kent?!

I should have kept my mouth shut.

Nah, you done well, boy.

Hang about.

We may not be school-smart son,

but we are street-smart.

Go on your cornflakes?

That bad?

Ian's got the hump with me.

Well, you did sell him down the river.

All right, Denise. I know I shouldn't have blabbed to Buster, but...

-Well, I'm a bad judge of character, clearly.

-Clearly?

He's adding it to my back catalogue of mistakes.

I don't know what to do to prove I'm on his side.

Well, if you don't mind me saying,

perhaps a little less of that. Do something useful.

Right.

Big news is I've just got off the phone with

a reporter from the Gazette.

He going to send someone down later in the week

to interview us with a photographer.

So we should get some decent coverage.

Now then, you two stay here.

Me and Lee, we're going to take the restaurant.

Shrimpy, you take my stall and we'll relieve you later. All right?

Now, nice and loud everyone, but not in their face -

we don't want adverse coverage.

Why are you looking at me?

Er...these aren't exactly the best leaflets I've ever seen.

Yeah. No. Yeah. All right. All right. I know, I know...

All right, everyone. Give it some welly, eh?

All right? Lovely!

Oh, that's nice that is, ain't it?

What happened to loyalty?

I was hungry.

Oh! Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.

I was just, er, getting those plans.

Yeah? And having a nose at my laptop while you're at it?

Busted.

Sorry.

I'm calling Jack.

No, wait. I can explain.

Go on, then. You've got ten seconds.

It's my dad. He's had a stroke.

He's only 53 and he's in a care home.

Except where is now - it's inhumane.

Last time I visited, he'd wet himself.

He was sat in it for three hours.

Where's the dignity in that?

Well, that's a very sad story.

But it still doesn't explain what you were doing looking on my laptop.

I don't have one and my phone ran out of data.

When I got the keys - I just thought I'd be in

and out in half an hour and no-one would need to know.

So if I open it,

I'll find that you've been looking at pictures of care homes, yeah?

Why didn't you just ask?

Practical joker,

don't really do serious.

Look, you were looking out for your family.

There's no shame in that.

I've got a sister who constantly needs looking after.

Was she who all the trouble was about last week?

Sorry, it's none of my business.

-I'll get out of your hair.

-No.

Stay.

-THEY CHANT:

-Boycott Beale's! Don't eat their meals!

Boycott Beale's! Don't eat their meals!

Boycott Beale's!

Excuse me, madam.

Do you know the owner of this restaurant is selling to CostMart

so he can send his son to private school?

Now, it's not only the livelihood of all the stallholders at stake here,

it's the community at large...

Do you know that this man has been in prison half his life!?

I'd watch me bag around him, if I were you, love.

That's it - don't listen to him.

He's just a petty criminal trying to sabotage an honest business.

So you've no idea where she is?

Must be tough.

I feel like my right arm's been chopped off.

I know some people aren't close to their siblings, but when you are...

I get it.

I've got a sister.

I just don't want Roxy to think I've let her down.

Why would she?

You don't need to feel guilty, Ronnie.

I shouldn't be saying all this.

I don't mind.

You know what your problem is?

-What?

-You're too good a listener.

I only came back here to pick up some paint.

Right...

No, no... You stay.

Use my laptop.

But next time - just ask.

I'll see you later.

What's the matter?

Campaign's a joke.

They're a joke. I'm a joke.

Spent all lunch outside the cafe. Hungry. And hardly anyone boycotted.

What about your mother, eh?

Comes to something when your own missus won't even back you up.

Why don't you go online? Start some groups on social media.

Get it going viral.

Easy...easy... Remember - sharks in suits.

Dad's right. CostMart will have lawyers.

You'd need to get your own to check everything before you post it.

Make sure it's not libellous.

You can do that though, can't you?

Thanks for the vote of confidence bruv, but I'm not qualified.

-I could ask my tutor.

-Yeah?

Might be a couple of hundred quid, but it's still cheaper than a firm.

-Whoa, hold on. You can sort that out, can't you?

-No, no, no...

It's just a couple of hundred quid.

Lee, Lee, Lee. I don't need your money. It's all right.

I'm a grifter. I'll sort something out.

-Hark at him. Grifter.

-I am.

Well, I'm, I'm sorry but I have no idea.

Fancy a bit of night fishing?

What, tonight?

Carpe diem.

Carpe diem.

Dot?

-Look.

-What?

Well, I think that's quite a good colour match - what do you think?

Oh, yeah. I expect that'll do fine. I say, Abi...

Could I throw this thing away?

Cos I can't cope with an hamster haunting my house.

Not with all I've been going through...

-A gerbil.

-What?

-Rolf was a gerbil.

-Oh.

I'm, er, I'm going to go bury him in the gardens.

What for?

Cos... he...he was more than just a gerbil.

What do you mean?

Well, he was happy memories.

My mum and dad were still together.

Me and Lauren fighting over the remote in our pyjamas.

Just normal stuff.

It really is another level, this stuff.

I don't know how you do it, boy.

That's a nice gilet. Is it new?

Yeah.

Mick, did you say Lee and Buster had gone night fishing?

-Yeah.

-Then how come his rod's in our room.

You what?

It's in our room. I just tripped over the stupid thing.

Well, you know soppy. He's probably forgot it, ain't he?

Probably.

What?

Come off it. Buster? "Night fishing"?

Means something else entirely.

Something a lot less legal.

Like what?

Said he was skint, didn't he?

He wouldn't! And Lee certainly wouldn't.

I did have a bit of a go at him

earlier about saving for our wedding.

Yeah, and the old man did say something about being a grifter.

Terrific.

CHUCKLES Very cool, I must say.

Look, I really don't know about this.

-What?

-Are you sure this is a good idea?

Oh, come on. Don't worry about it. It's a one-off.

Yeah. Tomorrow we go back to playing it straight.

I promise.

Now... you stay here.

I'm going to go case the gaff.

Make sure no-one's in.

Don't move.

PHONE RINGS

Dad?

Lee. Lee...

Now, we know you ain't fishing.

Tell me that you and your grandad ain't doing nothing moody or...

Lee! It's your mum. Right. Now, you listen to me.

I'm not having a son of mine end up in prison,

so you get yourself back here right now!

Lee! Your mum's right. I'd rather get married in a bin bag

-than spend the next ten years in a visitor's room.

-Yeah...

Getting a little bit hysterical here. Er, so...

just tell me - where are ya?

Lee?

Er, the Beeches, Hurst Lane, Bromley.

Right. Ready?

Let's go fishing.

-What did he say? What are they doing?

-I don't know.

-But I've got an address so I'm going to go have a pipe.

-I'm going with.

-No!

You've got exams tomorrow, you've got to focus on yourself...

Mick. Mick! Do not let my boys get into trouble. Do you hear me?

Hey. What's the matter with you?

Nothing.

Is this about that boy that you and Louise were ogling earlier?

Wasn't ogling anyone. What does that even mean?

Has something happened?

It's Louise. Right? She's been flirting with Shaki all day.

-She knows I like him.

-Snake.

Darling, I know things like this hurt.

All right? But this is you growing up.

This is you figuring out how the world works. You know?

You just need to learn to be a bit stronger.

I don't feel strong.

It don't mean you're not.

You go back in that class tomorrow and you act like

you're Katniss Everdeen.

Yeah? And it won't be too long before you're feeling like her.

Amy! Hello.

Look! I have been shopping.

-What is it?

-Well, why don't you look inside?

Wow, it's so cute...

Can I keep it?

Of course you can. If you look after him. His name is Hercules.

Yeah, as long as you promise to behave yourself from now on.

I will. I will. Thank you!

Listen, it's not from me. It's from your mummy.

Is she coming back?

Yeah. Course she is.

-When?

-Really, really soon. Isn't she?

Here we go.

I'm ever so sorry Ronnie, Amy, but I can't have that in my house.

Cos them animal hairs, you know, they get on my chest

and they play havoc with my lungs.

That's all right, Dot. Jack and Amy are coming to live with me.

What?

We are?

Yes, you are.

Come, quick. Don't spill it. Don't spill it. Don't spill it.

Oi, watch out. Watch out. Put it down. Put it down.

Don't say a thing. Leave this to me. Don't say anything.

Come here. Come here. Come here. Come...

Buster?

Oh! Mick? Yeah, thanks a lot, you.

Don't blame him. He's done you a favour.

-What you doing? What you got in there?

-Yeah, yeah. No.

Told you, we've been fishing.

You winding me up? You're trawling fish out of a pond?

It ain't any old fish. It's koi carp.

-That's worth a few bob.

-Worth getting nicked for?

-We've been careful.

-I can see that. Very smart, using your van.

I've covered all the signage up.

You insane? You'll end up going back to the nick over a few fish!

I did it to fight CostMart. To fight for the community.

Something you haven't been bothered about lately.

All right. OK. Right. Fine. We should have got behind you.

We will get behind you. Johnny'll sort out the social media, I'll get a solicitor.

-Yeah. I don't need your charity, Mick.

-It's a loan. Pay me back after you've clumped Goliath.

Now, let's get them back in their lido.

Oh! I've done something. Oh, Johnny.

Yeah, go on, mate.

It's heavy ain't it. Keep your eyes open, the pair of ya.

Come on, then. Let's go.

So what made you change your mind?

-Oh, I was talking to Andy.

-Andy?

Yeah. Anyway, that's not the point.

Um, we were talking about family

and I realised that I'd been feeling guilty.

And then there was Rolf.

You know, Abi's gerbil.

Don't give me that look.

It just means we can't put our lives on hold for ever.

And when Roxy comes back,

she'll be really pleased that a proper family's looking after Amy.

Come here, you.

GRUNTS

You go on inside.

We're going to get some fish and chips to celebrate.

Mwah! See you later.

VEHICLE APPROACHES

Ring your dad! Ring your dad!

Phone's in the car.

You numpty!

Right, that's that. Dimlows, the pair of them.

Oh, well. No harm done.

Have it on your toes.

Spying on the neighbours again, are we, love?

No, actually. The action's happening in our back garden tonight.

Someone's been a naughty boy.

ENGINE STARTS

KNOCKING