11/10/2016 EastEnders

MUSIC: Dancing On My Own by Callum Scott

# Does she love you better than I can?

# There's a big black sky Over my town

# I know where you're at I bet she's around

# Yeah, I know it's stupid

# I've just gotta see it for myself

HER PHONE RINGS

# I'm in the corner Watching you kiss her

# Oh-oh-oh

# I'm right over here

# Why can't you see me?

# Oh-oh-oh... #

Thank you for my card.

Happy birthday.

I thought maybe later, we could have something special for tea.

I know we don't usually because of Laurie, but...

Yes. Last birthday here.

Only one room to pack now.

Want a hand?

No, you've got enough going on,

what with the handing over to Billy.

Billy will get there in the end.

Are you worrying about the sentencing today?

No, no, I'm OK.

Feels different, doesn't it?

Now it's upon us.

Honestly, I'm all right.

We said we must get on with it and...

that's what we need to do.

I, erm...

I'll-I'll do Paul's room

once I've washed up.

I could hear him in the night. I don't think he's slept.

Can you blame him? Imagine it was us lost a baby.

SHE SIGHS

I still can't believe it.

What if this sets him back?

His depression.

Well, we'll cross that bridge, you know, if we come to it.

You know, we've just got to keep an eye on him.

You know what he's like, he bottles things up.

As long as we keep talking, then...

You seen your brother?

He's still in the bathroom.

-You're going to miss your first lecture.

-I'll get someone's notes.

-Want a cup of tea?

-No, I'm fine.

-No, you should have something, darling.

-I said I'm fine.

-I'm going to go get Whitney.

-I'll come with you.

-I won't be long.

Come on, Kamil!

Forgot my clipboard.

I was going to tidy up.

Ah, yes.

Not there.

It's always been there.

Not any more.

And can you put the washing-up away when you finish it?

I found a plant pot.

That's my singing bowl!

Home school. We were going to do plant science today.

It's for my yoga.

OK, right, fine.

Come here. I think we better find something else.

Have you seen my worm?

-Washing-up, yeah?

-Right.

Do you want to go in?

I'm going to go to Lauren's.

Was it my fault?

The miscarriage. Was it cos of me?

There are many people in this world who are deserving

-a bit of charity...

-Dot, slow down!

-..but I am not one of them.

So you can take this here back.

We didn't even know Ricky was leaving it.

Clearing out your cupboards as if I was some sort of pauper.

Nobody's saying that, are they?

Harvest festival is about helping the poor and lonely.

I thought it was about being grateful for what you've got.

I hope you're not saying that I ain't grateful.

-No, I'm not saying that.

-In addition to poor and lonely?

And before you start to tell me that it's about celebrating farming,

nobody never harvested a spaghetti hoop.

Dot, he's a kid, all right?

He's just learning about sharing.

I've nothing against sharing

for them what are deserving of charity.

Something has clearly touched him.

You know, somebody must have said something to him

If he thought for a second that he'd upset you...

Nobody said I was upset.

And if someone is helping little Ricky learn about Christian charity,

I am not going to be the one to stand in his way.

Well, that is very generous of you, Dot.

Poor and lonely.

-Spaghetti hoops.

-THEY LAUGH

Thanks.

-SHE SIGHS

-This just don't seem real.

One minute I'm pregnant, the next minute I ain't...

It could happen to anyone.

You just never think it's going to happen to you, do you?

And there was no indication?

-Not before yesterday?

-No.

There was none at all.

I'd been eating really good.

Are you OK? Do you need anything?

No.

I just wanted to get away from Lee, to be honest.

Why?

Because he wanted this baby so much.

And you didn't?

Lauren, it's all he's talked about.

He bought me that bracelet.

He's talked about names.

No.

No, you are not feeling guilty.

This ain't your fault.

I just want to know why, you know?

In case there's a next time...

What, so they didn't...?

They didn't say nothing to you?

If I know a reason, then...

..maybe I could've done something differently.

Like what?

Like...

not had chlamydia?

And who gave you that?

She can't even look at me.

She's-she's heartbroken, isn't she? You both are.

She can't even bear to be in the same room as me.

She just left straight for Lauren's.

She probably just wanted someone to talk to.

I mean, she probably wanted to talk to a girl.

-No, she hates me.

-She doesn't hate you!

-Course she does. It's my fault, isn't it?

-It's not your fault.

I slept with Abi. I gave Whit chlamydia.

-You don't know that that's the reason.

-Mate...

we lost our baby cos of me.

Come here.

Oh, Abi, it's your day off.

Oh, Babe thought that, with everything,

you could do with the extra pair of hands.

I think, to be honest, it might be best if you go home.

It ain't like he meant to give it to me!

Yeah, like he didn't mean to sleep with my sister!

I don't get why you're so angry.

And I don't get why you're not, Whit.

If it is because of the chlamydia, the point ain't where it came from,

is it?

But Lee will think it is and then that'll break him

-and he'll curl up in a corner somewhere.

-Yeah, so he should.

Yeah, and I don't want to carry him, not on top of everything else.

It should be him carrying you, Whit!

I don't want arguments. I just want to know.

Well, if it was because of that, I'm sure they would have said something.

-I don't know if it's in my notes.

-What?

Just call them and find out.

Yeah, they did give me a number.

They said that I could phone them if I had any questions.

There you go.

If Lee had just said something before, though...

Lauren...

Sorry.

Even if it's just to clear your mind...

Babe, you've got to come through.

Whit. Hey.

Hey.

I'm really sorry...about the miscarriage.

Thank you.

Babe...

it's just Louie.

He just said, "Mama".

What?

Come through, see if he'll do it again.

You can come through, too, if you want.

Oh, no. It's all right.

Steven.

Well, go on, then.

No. No, it can wait.

It's OK.

He's your baby.

It's OK.

Well, erm...

Just phone them and see what they say, yeah?

Yeah, I will.

THEY SAY "MAMA" TO LOUIE

Are you OK?

Whitney lost the baby.

I've heard that, er...

..sometimes with chlamydia...

If you hadn't have...

then I wouldn't have and then Lee never would have gone...

Are you blaming me?

No!

I am sorry.

Pretending that I was pregnant.

Making you think that I'd had a miscarriage.

Imagine if we had had a baby.

That's not my point.

All that pain that I put you through.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry, too.

Going behind your back and lying.

If I hadn't have been so desperate to keep you...

..you and Paul would have had longer.

Months more together.

I just wanted you to love me like I loved you, but...

..all I did was keep you from loving him.

They get sentenced today.

The boys who killed him.

Ben is just like his dad - make out everything's OK,

hide everything you're scared of.

I think he's just worried they'll get a short sentence.

Is that what you worry?

Sorry, Pam, you've got packing to get back to.

There you are.

You said you were only popping out for five minutes.

Sorry, Les, it's my fault.

I've been looking everywhere.

HER PHONE RINGS

Answer it.

Hello?

He's treating the house as if it's his own.

-Well, it is.

-It's mine. I rent it.

Off him.

He's only staying there because he came back.

Because you let him stay.

He's meant to be travelling the world.

And why isn't he?

Don't ask me.

Oh, it's cos he's been missing you and he's too pig-headed to admit it.

And you've been missing him, too, which is why you fell over yourself

-to let him stay.

-I did not fall over myself.

"Oh, just for a night...or two..."

You're meant to be my friend.

What am I meant to say?

I just... I wanted a home,

for me.

For me and Shaki.

Since Umar left, I've...

I've been on my own

in my own house that didn't feel like my house any more.

Then with Kushy.

I'm 50 years old, living in my son's spare room!

I just wanted a home.

So, throw him out.

Of his own house?

If you want him gone, show him the door.

I don't know...

I don't know what to say.

I'm so sorry.

That's life, innit?

How are you?

Got a bit of pain every now and then,

but it ain't as bad as earlier.

It's just not fair, right?

-Cup of tea?

-Love one, cheers.

Lee said you were with Lauren.

Louie said, "Mama".

Life don't stop.

He thinks you're angry at him.

For giving you chlamydia.

Yeah, well, I can't look after him right now.

I don't want to do that thing where I'm tiptoeing round on eggshells.

So, you are angry?

I rang them...

..to find out if that is what caused it.

And?

They can't say.

They can't say if it did, can't say if it didn't.

But it might have?

Some studies do show a risk, but then others don't.

I don't know, it happens, don't it?

People get pregnant.

One in four pregnancies don't carry through.

That many?

You just never think it's going to happen to you.

But it has, so...

Anyway I've been through worse.

That's not the point.

But there's nothing stopping me from trying again, is there?

When I'm ready.

So, if there's nothing else...

why are you here on your own?

Have you heard?

30 years.

I thought I'd feel differently.

I thought I'd be pleased.

I'm glad they can't do this to anyone else.

But?

Doesn't bring him back, does it?

30 years.

Out in 15.

You don't know that.

Even if they serve full term.

HE SIGHS

At least it's over, yeah?

Yeah.

Can the two of them manage?

Why?

I could do with some help.

Wish me luck.

It's your home. Go get it back.

Just don't send him to mine!

Pass me another one.

Right, beardy bit at the bottom.

We're planting daffodils.

Are you?

We were talking about Whitney and Lee and...

..Kamil thought bulbs for the springtime

for Zaair.

Do you want to do one?

Thank you.

Beardy bit at the bottom.

Don't ever stop, does it?

Wanting to protect them.

Have you texted Nancy?

There's no rush.

I'm not saying it's a good thing cos it's not, right?

It's awful.

And I was really looking forward to being a grandma.

But?

But they're so young to be parents.

Well, they're older than we were.

Yeah, but they've not been together that long.

It's not always been easy.

I'm just saying, a bit more time,

get to know each other a bit more

and then when they do have children...

I'm going to get Johnny to cancel the stag.

You sure?

HE SIGHS

Yeah, it don't feel like the right time

-or the right thing to spend money on.

-Yeah, yeah,

just let everything settle, yeah?

I just want to be there for her, and all,

like you would if it was Mum.

Lee, erm...

You OK?

Yeah, thanks.

OK.

Anything we can do, right, just say.

I know I've got to clear it all, but...

How have you been?

Yeah. You?

Bit of pain.

Cramps.

-Do you want a hot-water bottle?

-No.

HE SIGHS I wish I could turn the clocks back.

We can't.

I'm so, so sorry.

For giving you...

For making you lose the baby.

This ain't your fault.

-Whit, if I hadn't...

-No.

They can't say for sure why I miscarried.

It could have been that, though, couldn't it?

No. No, it couldn't.

Here you go.

Cheers, mate.

I rang them.

And what I had definitely had nothing to do with it.

You don't need to say that.

Honest.

Nobody blames you.

There's nothing to blame anyone for, OK?

I'll, er, I'll be in the kitchen.

I can't take all this in.

Everything that's happening.

We woke up yesterday morning...

I know.

I just...

I just want to make it all better.

You can't.

It's happened.

I love you so much.

And I'm going to look after you, all right?

Just like if...

..if you were...

-..we were still...

-Lee.

Look, I've got a second interview for this job, all right?

And then I'm going to find us somewhere to live.

And I promise I'm going to be everything that you need me to be,

-every step of the way, OK?

-I rang Bianca.

-Yeah?

I bet she's gutted.

I'm going to Milton Keynes.

A-list.

What are we going to do with it all?

Online auction.

We'll find a charity that does stuff on hate crime.

Give them what we raise.

Oh, Paul would love that.

And this pile to a shelter.

Maybe they'd like a bit of A-list.

You're a good lad, Ben.

That's not what most people think round here.

They don't know you.

You don't let them.

I was wrong about you and I'm sorry.

I hope...

I hope Jay comes home soon.

Everyone needs someone.

Me, too.

Some days, I...

I don't know what comes next.

When...

..all this starts to settle...

..in time, I-I hope you find someone else

who loves you as much as Paul did.

He wouldn't want you to be lonely.

Thank you.

You mustn't always feel he's there,

looking over your shoulder.

You only get one life

and you've got to get out there and live it.

And I hope you do, too.

-Not the find someone else bit.

-SHE LAUGHS

I've got my someone.

But the moving on.

You make sure Worthing don't know what's hit it.

I will.

I will.

What's happened?

You can't leave him. You can work through this.

She just needs a bit of space, that's all.

What? I don't understand.

I spoke to Bianca.

Did you?

Yeah, I'm going to go up there for a while.

-How long of a while?

-As long as she needs.

Look, it's not personal.

You and Mick - you've been great.

All of you.

But you're getting married.

Yeah, we still will.

I'm going to walk her to the station.

-Drive her, at least.

-No, it's rush hour.

-Yeah, but I...

Mum, please, look, it's all good, all right?

DOOR SHUTS

-Hello.

-Hiya.

I made up with Ben.

Did you?

"Forgive those who trespass against us."

And I hope he forgave you, as well.

Spaghetti hoops! I've not had these in years.

I got them specially for you.

For me?

Yes, well, you ain't got much money, have you?

Would you like me to warm them up for you?

No, thank you. I'm going to go over to Lauren's.

Louie learnt how to say, "Mama" and I'm going to teach him

how to say Abi. You can have a night in on your own.

If you're going to stay,

we need some rules.

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

-ALL:

-Surprise!

You haven't!

Happy birthday!

Thank you.

It's been a long day.

I'd like to make a little toast.

Oh, Birdy, this is wonderful.

-To the birthday boy!

-ALL:

-The birthday boy!

-To absent friends...

-ALL:

-Absent friends.

-..and new beginnings.

-ALL:

-New beginnings.

Are you going to cut the cake?

Cake!

I'll get a knife.

That's all right, I'll go.

So.

So.

Things are all right between us, ain't they?

I'm just...

We're fine.

I'm fine.

All right?

Call me when you get there, yeah?