Episode 3 Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome

to a special celebrity edition of Pointless,

the quiz show that puts obscure knowledge to the test.

Every question on Pointless has been asked to 100 people before the show.

To be in with a chance of winning our final-round jackpot,

our celebrities need to come up with the answers that the fewest of our 100 people could remember.

-Let's meet the Pointless celebrities.

-APPLAUSE

-First up, we welcome Joanna and Stuart!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now, obviously, we know you as vying contestants in The Apprentice

where you were just elbowing each other out the way. What are you going to be like as a team?

-I think we'll work well. Obviously, I'll be doing the intellectual heavy lifting.

-Shut it!

-No-one gets a job, it's for charity, so we'll work as a team.

-The prize last time was 100 grand

and this time it's, er, a trophy.

Stuart, pointless knowledge. That's what we'll be rewarding.

What categories will see you through to the final?

I think cars, adrenaline, something action-packed.

-HE LAUGHS

-Adrenaline.

Oh, I would love that as a category, wouldn't you?

-Adrenaline, yeah.

-It'd be pumping up and down.

-LAUGHTER

Ohh! Joanna, what would you love to see come up? What would be the best topic for you?

Believe it or not, I'm really clued up on politics.

-Lembit has just made this face.

-I can feel my back burning now.

-Come on, then!

-Yeah.

-OK, good. Very good. We might have a tussle on our hands.

It's brilliant having you here, Joanna and Stuart. Very warm welcome to Pointless.

-Next we welcome Carol and Chris.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-It's not!

-Is it not?

You work quite often as a team together,

not only on BBC Breakfast, but you're sometimes out and about.

-We see you on outdoor broadcasts and things.

-Yeah, we work well together.

But we do like stitching each other up, don't we?

Yes. That is, of course, when I can get a word in edge ways. It's hard.

-THEY LAUGH

-What's the worst stitch ups you've done on each other?

You know when you go to a dinner party or a congregation and there's a really boring bloke there?

Carol says, "Oh, Chris, come and meet so-and-so! You'd get on so well!"

and then just walks off and leaves you with the boring bloke. She does that every time we go out.

-It would be rude not to!

-Is that why in the dressing rooms I saw you chatting to Stuart?

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

-Oh, that's harsh!

-I'll have your job by the end of the show!

Do you know what? You don't have a good history of getting jobs.

-LAUGHTER

-Just be a comedian.

-Carol, what would be a great category for you this afternoon?

-Oh, Bryan Adams!

-LAUGHTER

-Definitely.

-Bryan Adams.

-Yes.

Maybe we'll talk more about Bryan Adams later. Or maybe not.

Either way, very best of luck to the pair of you. It's great to have you here.

-Next we welcome Lembit and Merily.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Aw. Now, you are our only couple.

-So it seems.

-The only couple on the show. Last time I saw you, you were about to be a stand-up comic.

-I've actually done about 30 gigs so far.

-Really?

And one of them went really well.

-HE LAUGHS

-Very good. Merily.

-Yeah.

-What are Lembit's strong points going to be?

-He's got a nice smile.

-OK. Yep.

-LAUGHTER

That might see him through to round two.

No, he's a really clever guy. He knows a lot about science,

-astronomy, politics.

-Just politics and the whole universe. Apart from that, nothing.

-OK.

If you fail on your key subjects, that's far more embarrassing

-than failing on Greek literature or something you don't know about.

-Greek literature.

-Oh, no. It could be a double bluff.

-There's a couple of rounds on Greek literature.

It's not all about Greek literature. But largely.

-LAUGHTER

-As it happens, Merily's a professional.

-I'll deal with that.

See? Absolutely brilliant! What a perfect pair!

-Very best of luck to the pair of you. It's lovely having you on the show.

-Thank you.

-And finally we've got Colin and Suzanne.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, neither of you needs any introduction. Colin, our Olympian hurdler.

Suzanne, Tess Bateman on Casualty.

-But what nobody knows is that you're brother and sister.

-AUDIENCE: Ohh!

-I know!

-APPLAUSE

-Maybe everyone knew that.

-I love that! That's very exciting. So, whose idea was it to do this?

-Thank you.

-LAUGHTER

-I don't do quiz shows.

I need the lines! I need to learn it!

So, Colin, just a stab in the dark, I'm guessing maybe sport might be quite a good category for you.

Good stab in the dark.

Suzanne, I like to think that some medical procedures, ward procedures,

a little bit of medicine must have rubbed off after all those years on Casualty.

Not much. Not much.

And I'm generally not very good at general knowledge, either.

-So I can't be embarrassed at all!

-Why is she here?

-Now she's telling me.

-Listen, welcome to the show, Colin and Suzanne, lovely to have you here.

We look forward to discovering more about all of your hidden knowledge.

There is only one person left for me to introduce.

-He is the man behind all the Pointless facts and figures. My Pointless friend, Richard.

-Hiya.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, now.

-What about that?

-That's a good little line-up, isn't it?

-Do you want to call it?

-Who I think is going to win?

-Mm-hm.

-Pretty much anyone but Stuart, but I'm delighted...

LAUGHTER I am delighted you're all joining us for our Bryan Adams special.

LAUGHTER

We put all our questions to 100 people before the show, but this is Pointless,

so we want the obscure answers they didn't get. For a chance to win our jackpot,

all our celebrities need to do is score as few points as they can.

What everyone's trying to do is find a pointless answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we'll add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special and each celebrity is playing for charity,

-we start with a jackpot of £2,500.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Right, let's play Pointless.

-APPLAUSE

In the first round, each of you must give me one answer and you cannot confer.

Whichever team has the highest score at the end of the round will be eliminated.

Our first category is...food.

Can you decide in your pairs who'll go first, who'll go second?

And whoever's going first, step up to the podium.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many Greek foods as they could. Greek foods, Richard.

The correct answers on the board are all dishes or ingredients associated with Greek cuisine.

-So Greek food.

-Yeah. Or Greek food would be another way of putting it.

Joanna and Stuart, you all drew lots before the show and you get to go first.

In this round, we'll give you a choice of seven possible answers on each pass.

Your first set of answers reads like this.

-There we are.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I can tell you that at least one of those is pointless and at least one is incorrect.

Pick an incorrect one and you'll score the maximum of 100 points. Joanna, Greek food.

I'm going to go with...stifado.

Is that a punt or is that with a degree of knowledge of Greek food?

-No, it's just a punt.

-Stifado.

Let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people said it. Stifado.

It's right. Very well done, Joanna.

Oh, very well done! Look at that! Four!

That's a great answer, Joanna! That's brilliant!

-Four for stifado.

-Yeah, well played, Joanna.

Great start, great answer. It's a meat or octopus stew.

Chris, Greek food. Somehow, I think you're going to be very good at this.

-Cos I'm fat?

-LAUGHTER

In a word, yes. No, no, no! I just think you might be good at it.

-I like Greek food?

-I thought you might.

-There's one answer there that I know for sure is Greek.

-Yes.

-And I'm wondering whether to go for that.

-Is it obscure?

No, but I'm wondering if that's better than getting 100 for nothing.

Remember, if it's obviously Greek to you,

it will be obviously Greek to our 100 people, so might score high.

OK. Well, I think I've had this. I'm going to go for the top one, tzatziki.

Tzatziki. There it is.

Let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people said it.

It's right.

Very good, down it goes. 15.

-APPLAUSE

-Not bad at all, Chris. 15 for tzatziki.

-Richard.

-Well played, Chris. It's a yoghurt and cucumber dip.

-I have had that.

-You eat it with pitta bread.

Now then, Merily. Are you comfortable with this category?

Yeah, it ties into the literature side of things a little bit.

Er... I know two of them that are definitely Greek

but I'm going to play dangerous and say dolmathakia.

Dolmathakia, says Merily. Let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people said dolmathakia.

It's right.

Down it goes.

Oh, look at that! Oh, ding dong, Merily!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-That's a pointless answer!

It adds £250 to today's jackpot, taking the total up to £2,750

-and it scores you nothing. Very well done indeed.

-APPLAUSE

Well played, Merily. Dolmathakia are small versions of dolmades, vine leaves stuffed with rice.

-Now then, Colin.

-THEY LAUGH

You are the last person to have this board, so you can talk us through this entire smorgasbord.

Did you go to Athens in 2004? You weren't competing but did you go?

-Er, yeah.

-Do you remember what you ate?

-Yeah, and it wasn't anything on that board.

-LAUGHTER

Erm...

I'm going to go for souvlaki.

Souvlaki, one up from the bottom.

OK, let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people said souvlaki.

It's right.

-Oh, very well done! Six, Colin! Great score!

-APPLAUSE

That's a great score. Six for souvlaki.

Yeah, well played, Colin. It's meat and vegetables cooked on a skewer.

Let's take a look at the rest of the board. Moussaka, a fairly hefty 45.

Of those other two, one is pointless and one is incorrect. What do you think?

Er, I'm going to say sirtaki is incorrect.

-I think that's something else.

-Exactly right. Sirtaki Tavern is where Stavros Flatley started out.

It's an incorrect answer. Yemista is stuffed and baked vegetables. That's a pointless answer, too.

Very good. Thanks, Richard. We're halfway through the round so let's look at the scores.

Lembit and Merily looks fantastic. Lovely low score.

Then we travel up to four where we find Joanna and Stuart

looking pretty strong. Then up to six where Colin and Suzanne are.

-And then, whoa! Way up to Chris and Carol.

-Taxi!

LAUGHTER

I'd love a bit of taxi now, with a bit of pitta bread.

-Bit of taxi!

-Lovely.

-Taxis all round!

-So, Carol, you know what you have to do in the next pass.

-Oh, strewth!

You have to find a really obscure piece of Greek food.

-THEY LAUGH

-On the board.

Or we'll have to say goodbye to you. Back down the line. Second players, take your places at the podium.

OK, seven more Greek dishes on the board.

Here they are. We have got...

I shall read those one more time.

Again, I can tell you at least one of those answers is pointless and at least one is incorrect.

I don't know why I'm laughing, Carol.

-I'm off!

-Try and avoid the incorrect ones. Carol, you've got to find a pointless one, surely.

Anyway, Suzanne, we start with you.

I can tell you there's a pointless answer on there, at least one.

But there is at least one incorrect answer. I have to mention that.

I think I've got to play a bit safe here and go for one I know

-but I still think it's a bit obscure.

-Good.

I'm going to go for tsoliades.

Did you like the way I called them "choliades"? "Choliades."

Like I speak Greek! Honestly, who am I kidding?

Tsoliades, there you are. The one at the bottom, we'll say.

The high scorers are Carol and Chris on 15.

You're on six, which means if you can score eight or less,

you are through to the next round for sure.

There's your red line. If you get below that, you are through.

Tsoliades. Is it right, and if it is, how many people said it?

-Ohh!

-Ahh!

Suzanne!

-No-one likes to see that happen.

-No. Especially her brother.

LAUGHTER

Ohh, unfortunately, that's an incorrect answer, Suzanne!

Which means you score the maximum of 100 points. Takes your total up to 106.

-Oh, I can't watch.

-Look at the absolute delight on Chris's face.

LAUGHTER

Cos Colin's going, "Oh, never mind".

-Sorry, Col.

-Sorry, Suzanne, tsoliades is a colloquial name for one of Greece's elite army units.

-LAUGHTER

-Wow.

-Does sound like a food, though.

-Wouldn't tell them that, but yeah.

-Delicious.

-Mm!

Well, Lembit, I have great news for you and Merily.

Thanks to Merily's excellent answer in the first pass and the high score of Suzanne and Colin,

even if you score 100, you will not overtake their high score,

so you're through to the next round.

Bearing which in mind, let's have a pointless answer from you.

Well, I vaguely remember once having in Crete, I think it was kleftiko.

-Kleftiko.

-I think so.

-There it is in the middle of the board. Kelftiko.

Is it right and how many people said it?

It is right.

-Five!

-APPLAUSE

Five for kleftiko takes your total up to five. Richard.

Well played, Lembit. It's a lamb dish cooked very slowly in a sealed pot.

Now, Carol. You've been thrown a massive lifeline by Suzanne.

-Thank you.

-They are the high scorers on 106, you're on 15.

If you can score 90 or less, you are through. But I think you can do better.

Right, I'm going to go for... I don't know how to pronounce it, but keftethes.

Keftethes. Keftethes

-Sounds like a footballer.

-It's Carlos Tevez's brother. LAUGHTER

-I can't look.

-Is it right, and if it is, how many people said keftethes?

Hey! Well done, you've done it! You are through to the next round.

Yes! It's pointless! Very well done indeed, Carol!

That adds £250 to today's jackpot, taking the total up to £3,000.

It scores you nothing and it leaves your total at a brilliant 15. Richard.

Brilliant, Carol. Well played. Took a risk but it paid off. Small meatballs cooked with herbs and onions.

Now, Stuart and Joanna. You are through to the next round

because you can't overtake the high score of Suzanne and Colin, even if you score 100.

Bearing which in mind,

I think there might be another pointless answer on that board.

It's not a guess, I know this one. We'll go for... I can't pronounce it.

-Panayiotou.

-Panayiotou.

-What do you think it is?

-Don't you know?

-Yeah, I'm asking you.

-It's a type of Greek bread.

The pan bit sounds bready to me. Panayiotou. Is it right, and if it is, how many people said it?

Ohh!

Bad luck, Stuart. That's an incorrect answer. Scores you 100, takes your total to 104.

But it doesn't matter. You're through to the next round and you did the right thing. Well done.

-Richard.

-Yeah, delicious panayiotou. So you've had panayiotou?

-It's Greek bread.

It's George Michael's real name. LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Let's fill in the rest of this board. Feta was the high score, 25.

Taramasalata is another Greek dip, 15 points, made with cod roe.

Pastitsio is a cheesy pasta dish in Greece. Would've scored you one. Well done if you said that at home.

At the end of round one, the losing pair with the highest score are Colin and Suzanne.

Oh, dear, oh, dear! I'm so sorry!

It was all in the right spirit, "choliades".

-THEY LAUGH

-It took "choliades" to say that.

I did look for Greek salad.

Colin, what else should we have given you?

Er, a new partner?

-AUDIENCE: Ohh!

-He won't talk to me now.

What can I say? It's been a joy having you on the show.

Brilliant contestants. Thank you so much, Suzanne and Colin!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Good luck!

But for the remaining three pairs, it's time for round two.

There's only room for two celebrity pairs in the head-to-head

so one team is going to be leaving us at the end of this round. Make sure it's not you.

Our category for round two is...famous people.

Can you decide in your pairs who'll go first, who'll go second?

Whoever's first, step up to the podium.

OK, our round two question concerns

famous women and their famous husbands.

-Richard.

-We're going to show you a list of six famous women on each pass.

We asked 100 people, "Which famous men are they married to or have they been married to?"

If you give us an obscure answer, you'll score fewer points.

An incorrect answer scores 100 points.

There's 12 famous women on the board, 12 famous men to guess. Best of luck at home.

Thank you, Richard. We're looking for the famous husbands of these famous women. We have got...

There are the famous women. We are looking for their famous husbands.

-Stuart.

-Hello.

-How does that board look to you?

-I'm not on it so it's not the most famous people, but we'll deal with that.

-To be fair, it is all women.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-Anything he says, they'll clap!

-He keeps walking right into it!

-There you go. Whatever. OK.

-LAUGHTER

I'm going to say Jada... Jada... Is that Darth Vader?

Vader Pinkett. I reckon, Will Smith.

Jada Pinkett, Will Smith, you say.

Let's see. Jada Pinkett, Will Smith. Is that right? How many people said it?

It's right.

-51.

-That's all right.

-APPLAUSE

-51, Stuart. Not bad.

-I'm clapping myself.

-Not bad. 51 for Jada Pinkett and Will Smith.

Married on New Year's Eve 1997. Jada and Will and their kids are called Jaden and Willow.

-Aww.

-Do we approve of that? Oh, that's not cute!

-LAUGHTER

-Chris, have you interviewed any of these people?

-Er, Anita Dobson.

-Very good.

-Is it my go?

-Yes.

-LAUGHTER

-Go on, Chris.

-OK. I will go for Annette Bening

and Mr Robbins.

-Annette Bening and Mr Robbins.

-Yeah.

-Do you want to give his first name?

-No, cos I think that's a little too informal.

LAUGHTER

Yeah, we're going to need... Unless you think Mister is his given name, we need a first name.

Well, what a silly game this is.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

-James Robbins.

-James Robbins, husband of Annette Bening.

Let's hope so. Is it right? How many people said it?

No! I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer.

I'm afraid that's incorrect. That means you score 100.

-But many, many people...

-Can I ask what his name is?

-Not yet.

-In case Merily wants to have a go. I'll explain all at the end of the round.

So, an incorrect answer, Chris. I'm very sorry.

-Merily.

-Erm, I know one for sure

and I think I know another and I think the other one will probably have a lower score,

so I'm going to gamble with Sarah Michelle Gellar

is married, I think, to Freddie Prinze Jr.

Freddie Prinze Jr you are saying for Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Let's see if it's right and how many people knew that.

It's right!

-23.

-Well done!

-APPLAUSE

Great answer, Merily. 23. Richard.

They met on the set of I Know What You Did Last Summer. Now Chris.

Let's clear this up. His name is Tim Robbins

and he is not married to Annette Bening.

But I wanted to know the name. That was all.

Tim Robbins. Annette Bening is married to Warren Beatty.

-I thought he was.

-LAUGHTER

Would've scored you 13 points. Anita Dobson is married to Brian May from Queen. 34.

-Beyonce Knowles.

-Jay-Z.

-Is married to Jay-Z. 41.

And Pauline Collins is married to fellow actor John Alderton, would've scored you 15 points.

Very good. Thank you. We're halfway through the round so let's look at the scores.

Merily and Lembit, looking very strong on 23.

Then we creep up to 51 where we find Stuart and Joanna.

And then up to 100 where Chris and Carol reside.

Carol, once again, the ball is very much in your court.

-Oh, no.

-We come back down the line. Second players, take your places at the podium.

OK, we're going to put six more famous women on the board and here they are.

Remember, we are looking for the famous husbands of these famous women.

You're trying to find the one fewest of our 100 people knew.

Lembit, what does that board mean to you?

-Merily's going to kill me for this cos...

-I won't kill you, I'll just severely hurt you.

Oh, right. OK, survivable. That's survivable.

The high scorers at the moment are Carol and Chris on 100.

If you can score 76 or less, you're through to the head-to-head.

If I could score 96, I'd do it. I'm just going to have to make a wild guess.

-Yes.

-I'm going to say Sarah Jessica Parker

and I apologise to Merily cos I'm almost certain this is wrong but it's the best I can do,

and Tom Cruise.

-LAUGHTER

-Oh. What a lovely world you live in.

-What am I supposed to do?

-APPLAUSE

-Ahh.

-Tom Cruise says Lembit.

-I had to say something.

-You did.

Here is your red line. If you get below that, you're through to the head-to-head. Very best of luck.

-I know it's wrong.

-Is it right? How many people said it?

-I know!

-You knew.

Surely there must be somebody else who agrees with my wrong answer. They should've counted. OK, fine.

That's an incorrect answer, you score 100 points.

It takes your total up to 123, but it was a game try, Lembit. Well done.

Yeah, Tom Cruise is married to a woman. Not Sarah Jessica Parker, I'm afraid.

I won't give the answer in case Carol of Joanna want to have a go.

Now then, Carol, the high scorers are Lembit and Merily on 123.

You are on 100. If you can score 22 or less, you're through to the next round.

I need to have a guess at Louise Nurding.

But I'm not sure

if this is her Christian name... Her... From when she was single. I can't even think.

Jamie Redknapp.

LAUGHTER

There we are. Let's see. Jamie Redknapp, is that right?

-It's right.

-Come on!

Ohh!

32. All is not lost yet.

APPLAUSE

That scores you 32 and takes your total up to 132.

-Is it going to be low enough to see you through to the head-to-head? Richard.

-Well played.

They married in 1998. So now all the pressure is on Joanna.

Right, Joanna, everything rides on your answer here. Let me fill you in on the details.

The high scorers, currently Chris and Carol, on 132.

You're on 51 which means if you score 80 or less, you are through to the head-to-head.

OK. Sarah Jessica Parker,

I know that she's married to the guy that plays Inspector Gadget

but I don't know his name in real life.

I'm confident, final answer, Judy Finnegan

is married to Richard Madeley.

-Judy Finnegan, Richard Madeley.

-Really?

OK, let's see. Is it right? If so, how many people said Richard Madeley for Judy Finnegan?

It's right. Oh, and you've done it!

-57! 57!

-APPLAUSE

-Takes your total up to 108. You are through to the head-to-head. Richard.

-Well done.

Been married since 1986, Richard and Judy.

Let's take you through the rest of the board.

Steffi Graf is married to Andre Agassi. Would've scored you 44.

Sarah Jessica Parker is married to Inspector Gadget. His name is Matthew Broderick.

Would've scored you 23 points.

Rhea Pearlman, the American sitcom actress, is married to Danny DeVito.

And Maureen Lipman was married to the late Jack Rosenthal, the screenwriter and script writer. Three points.

Best answer on the board.

Very good indeed. Thanks. At the end of round two, the losing celebrity pair with the highest score,

Carol and Chris! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

-I'm sorry, Carol.

-Don't be daft!

-I feel like I've let you down.

-You haven't. It's been good fun.

-Bill and Sian did really well.

I don't want to put any pressure on you, but they won.

All the way through to the final round, beat everyone, then won the jackpot, as well.

Oh, good. Cos we haven't heard about that many times in the office.

LAUGHTER

Oh, dear. It's been fabulous having you on the show. You've been fantastic.

-Thank you for having us. It's been really good fun.

-You've been brilliant. Carol and Chris!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two celebrity pairs, things get more exciting as we enter the head-to-head.

Very well done, Lembit and Merily, Joanna and Stuart, you've made it through to the head-to-head.

Only one pair can make it to today's final and play for the jackpot which stands at £3,000.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Here's how the head-to-head round works.

For each question, each pair gives me one answer. But you are now allowed to confer.

Come up with an answer that scores less than the other pair and you win that question.

The first pair to win two questions plays for the jackpot. Let's play Pointless.

OK, here is your first question.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds

to name as many Beatles UK top 40 singles with two-word titles as they could.

-Richard.

-We're looking for any UK top 40 hit by the Beatles

which has a two-word title. There are 11 songs on this list.

No EPs or albums, just Beatles singles, please.

OK. Lembit and Merily, you've played best so far, so you get to go first.

Beatles UK top 40 singles with two-word titles.

-What were you thinking of?

-We have to whisper.

-Oh, yes.

-OK, we're going to go with Eleanor Rigby.

-Eleanor Rigby.

OK. Joanna and Stuart, you can confer out loud if you need to.

We're going to go for Peggy Sue.

Peggy Sue. So we have Eleanor Rigby and we have Peggy Sue.

Lembit and Merily said Eleanor Rigby. Let's see if that's right, and how many people said it.

-35.

-APPLAUSE

35 for Eleanor Rigby. Joanna and Stuart.

-If we both get the same, we can form a coalition.

-Did you have other answers?

-Hey Jude?

-That may have been Paul McCartney by himself.

-Yeah.

So you've gone for Peggy Sue. 35 is the score to beat.

Peggy Sue has to be correct and it has to go lower than 35.

We don't even know if it's right.

Let's find out. Is it right? If it is, how many people said it?

Ooh, it's wrong!

Which means, after the first question, Lembit and Merily are ahead one-nil. Richard.

Yeah, it's a Buddy Holly song, Peggy Sue, not The Beatles.

Eleanor Rigby, good answer. There's 11 in all. Let's see how well you did at home.

In 1996, they released a single where they mixed John Lennon's vocals in

called Real Love, would've scored you one. Come Together, two. Big hit.

Hello Goodbye would've scored you seven, as would Day Tripper.

Lady Madonna, nine. Paperback Writer, 15.

Get Back, 17. Penny Lane, 28.

Eleanor Rigby, 35. Yellow Submarine, 44.

And absolutely, it was a Beatles song, Hey Jude, 45.

Very well done if you got all of those at home.

OK, here is your second question. Joanna and Stuart, you have to win this question to stay in the game.

Here is comes. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many unsuccessful 2012 Olympic bidding cities as they could.

Unsuccessful Olympic bidding cities. Richard.

When London won the bid for the 2012 Olympics, there were eight other cities bidding.

-We just need one of those.

-OK, Joanna and Stuart, you go first this time.

OK, we're going to say France.

-LAUGHTER

-City!

-Oh! Paris! Shut up!

-OK, you're saying Paris.

-LAUGHTER

Lembit and Merily, you can confer out loud.

I'm trying to remember all the people around the world who hated Britain for winning.

Cos those are the places that actually did the bidding.

I think I was about 15 when it was announced, so I had no interest in it.

We're not going to go into that.

LAUGHTER

There's Istanbul.

-Erm...Istanbul.

-Istanbul.

OK. Joanna and Stuart have gone with Paris. Lembit and Merily with Istanbul.

Joanna and Stuart, Paris. Let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people said it.

It's the only one we knew.

-51.

-APPLAUSE

51 for Paris. Lembit and Merily, if you win this question, you are through to the final two-nil.

Let's see. Istanbul. Let's see if it's correct, and if it is, how many people said Istanbul.

It is correct.

And it gets you through to the final! Very well done.

-Four! Splendid!

-APPLAUSE

Very well done. Well, that means, after two questions,

Lembit and Merily are through to the final two-nil. Richard.

There are eight cities in all. Four of them made it to the shortlist.

Let's look at all eight. These were all knocked out before the shortlist.

Havana in Cuba, one. Leipzig in Germany. I can't believe they didn't give the Olympics to Leipzig.

Two points. Istanbul, four. Rio de Janeiro, seven.

These four were all on the shortlist.

New York, 15. Moscow, 16. Madrid, 20. And Paris, who we beat by four votes, on 51.

Thank you very much, Richard. So the losing pair at the end of the head-to-head is Joanna and Stuart.

Oh, dear. Who came up with Peggy Sue?

That was me. And I was going to say Yellow Submarine, but I didn't think...

-I don't know, it was weird.

-You'd still have lost.

-Yellow Submarine was a high-scorer.

-OK.

Any epitaph you'd like to pass on your Pointless experience?

Have you learnt some useful life lessons?

-It's been pretty pointless an experience.

-OK, good.

Listen, it's been brilliant having you on the show.

Very good fun. Thank you so much for playing.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But for Lembit and Merily, it's now time for our Pointless final

and the chance to win our jackpot of £3,000.

Congratulations, Lembit and Merily!

You fought off the competition and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £3,000.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The rules are very simple. To win that money,

all you have to do is find a pointless answer,

an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

We've had two pointless answers today. Merily, you gave us one with dolmathakia.

Brilliant bit of Greek knowhow plucked from nowhere.

You only have to find one more pointless answer and you will get that money for your charity.

First you've got to choose a category. You can choose from these three options. They are...

How much do you know about footballers?

-Minimal.

-About the same as me, so that's out.

-Erm, American soul divas?

-I'm not great.

-Your dad would be good at that.

-But he's not here.

World geography, it's got to be, by process of elimination.

World geography it is. Let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds

to name as many countries that border five or more other countries as they could. Richard.

We're looking for any country in the world that shares land borders

with at least five other countries. By country, we mean a sovereign state that's a member of the UN

in its own right. Just countries that share land borders with five other countries, please.

-Plenty of answers and plenty of pointless answers, as well.

-OK, you have up to one minute

to come up with three answers. All you need to win that £3,000 is for just one of those to be pointless.

-Your 60 seconds start now.

-Any idea?

-Erm...

-Zimbabwe might.

-Yeah, I was thinking that.

-Go ahead.

-Some African states.

-Chuck them out.

-What do you think? Not Kenya. Somalia?

-Somalia's coast.

-OK.

-Other landlocked ones.

-Erm...

There's got to be something from there.

-Isn't there anywhere around Russia?

-Bolivia possibly.

-Kazakhstan. I'm guessing. Luxembourg.

-France?

-A lot of people would guess that one.

-Yeah.

-Luxembourg.

-Luxembourg.

Do Luxembourg, maybe. I actually think Zimbabwe.

-Zimbabwe.

-Think of another one.

-Soweto is in South Africa.

-Yeah, that's...

-No.

-Erm...

Other ones?

Congo?

-Congo probably.

-I...

-Shall we just...?

-Yeah, Congo.

-And Zimbabwe.

OK, there's your minute up. OK, we were looking for countries that border five or more other countries.

-I now need three answers from you.

-You go first.

-The Congo.

-Congo.

-Secondly we'll try Zimbabwe.

-Zimbabwe.

You choose the third.

OK, we'll choose the third together.

-Let's choose Luxembourg.

-Luxembourg.

OK, those are your three. The Congo, Zimbabwe and Luxembourg.

-Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Congo.

I'm pretty sure Zimbabwe fits the bill, but I think other people will know that.

OK, we'll put Congo third. Which should we put first, your least likely?

-Luxembourg.

-OK, we'll put Luxembourg first.

Let's put them on the board in that order and here they are.

Luxembourg, Zimbabwe and Congo.

There they are. We were looking for countries that share a border with five other countries.

You said this was your least confident shot at a pointless answer.

You only have to find one pointless answer for your charities to win that £3,000 jackpot.

OK, let's see if Luxembourg is right,

and if it is, how many people said it. Best of luck. Luxembourg.

Bad luck. An incorrect answer so not pointless. Only two more chances

to win that £3,000 jackpot. OK, we are looking for countries that share a border with five other countries.

Your next answer was Zimbabwe. There it is. You confident in this?

-Not really, no.

-Well, it has to be right and it has to be pointless

for that jackpot of £3,000 to be won by your charity.

Let's see if it is right, and if it is, how many people said Zimbabwe.

-Ooh! Bad luck!

-The problem is, we had to go for the African countries,

because places like Russia and probably America, the big ones will all be guessed by other people.

Well, exactly. You've done the right thing, gone for obscure ones.

You only have one more chance to win today's jackpot. Let's see what that one is. Congo.

Congo. Everything is riding on Congo.

It has to be right, it has to be pointless, and if it is both of those things,

your charity will win that £3,000 jackpot.

Let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people said Congo.

It's right. It's right.

Now, if this goes all the way down to zero,

your charity will win that £3,000 jackpot.

It's still going down. Single figures. Down it goes.

-Ohh!

-APPLAUSE

Two people said the Congo.

Unfortunately, you didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer

so you don't win today's jackpot of £3,000.

But you do get to take home our fabulous pointless trophy, so not an altogether empty victory.

APPLAUSE

Zimbabwe has four land borders, Mozambique, South Africa, Botswana and Zambia.

Luxembourg only has three. Lots of pointless answers. You were right about Africa.

The Central African Republic has five land borders

and every country that's around it also has five land borders.

That's why they call it the Central African Republic. Colombia, Iraq, both pointless.

-Kazakhstan, which you said.

-We did say it.

You also said Kenya at one point, another pointless answer. Libya.

Peru, Syria, Tanzania.

Tough luck. Very well done if you got any of those at home.

You went for the right place, it's just picking the right country.

Thanks very much. Well, you knew a lot of those.

-You even said at least two of them. Oh, that's tough.

-Yeah, it is.

-That's life.

-Yeah.

Well, unfortunately, we do have to say goodbye, Lembit and Merily.

It's been brilliant having you on the show. Thank you both so much for playing.

APPLAUSE

And a big thank you to our other celebrity pairs, Colin and Suzanne,

Carol and Chris, Joanna and Stuart.

APPLAUSE

Nobody's won our jackpot today, so to thank our celebrities for taking part,

we're going to donate £500 to each pair for their respective charities.

-It's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And goodbye from me.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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