Special 1 Pointless Celebrities

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thanks very much. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and a warm welcome to Pointless Celebrities,

the show where the aim of the game is to find the most obscure answers

possible. Let's meet today's Pointless Celebrities.

And couple number one.

Hello, I'm Susan Calman.

I'm a comedian and I've been booked this evening as the glamour.

LAUGHTER

My name is Gyles Brandreth

and I'm here because I'm a Susan Calman groupie.

-Couple number two.

-Hello, I'm Sharron Davies and I used to do

a little bit of swimming once upon a time, and now I'm doing

all the interviews poolside with this young man.

And I'm doing the same.

I'm Mark Foster. I used to swim a bit, dance a bit,

and then while Sharron is poolside, I'm up in the studio.

Couple number three.

Hello, I'm Matt Barbet.

I'm best known for doing the news on Channel 5 and I also do

the Saturday Show on Channel 5 as well.

I don't know why I'm here, but my name is Nancy, of course,

I don't think I do need any presentation.

And finally number four.

I'm Diane-Louise Jordan.

I started life as a Blue Peter presenter.

Songs Of Praise and Radio 2 are my love now.

My name is Richard Coles. I used to play in bands in the '80s.

I'm now vicar of Finedon.

I'm on the wireless a bit and mostly I spill food down my front.

Thanks very much, all of you. We will get to chat to each of you

throughout the show as it goes along, of course.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Dressed to impressed,

from his clever clogs right the way up to his smarty-pants,

it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Hello, everybody.

Evening.

It's not actually that far from your clogs to your pants.

-In your case, it is though.

-You're quite right, you're quite right.

-How are you?

-I'm very well.

-Excellent.

-This should be fun, shouldn't it?

-I think so.

-We've got

a real superstar pair on today's show. There's Sharron and Mark,

they've both been in finals before.

Mark has won a jackpot as well, so they're going to be very,

very difficult to beat. But Richard Coles,

who came on before, got knocked out very early on.

-Yes.

-Very early on.

I think he feels like Pointless owes him.

-I think so.

-That's what I think.

-So Pointless to stump up, we think.

Exactly right. Everyone - looking along the line -

pretty much everyone should be good on round one.

-Pretty much everyone.

-OK, thank you very much.

As usual, all of today's questions have been put to 100 people before

the show. All of our contestants here are looking for those

all-important pointless answers, these being answers that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those and we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,

each of our lovely celebrities is playing for a nominated charity.

We are going to start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

There we are.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

I'm sure you don't need me to remind you of this, but here we are anyway.

The pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be

eliminated, so keep those scores nice and low.

Also, no conferring for the first two rounds.

Other than that, very, very best of luck.

Our first category this evening is Words.

It's a words round.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

-who's going to go second?

-Would you like to go first?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is.

Here it comes. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many words

ending in "AKE" as they could.

Words ending in AKE.

Yeah, there's a few wordsmiths amongst our contestants as well.

We are looking for any word in the British & World English section

of Oxford Dictionaries.com that ends AKE, please.

As always, no proper nouns,

no hyphenated words, anything like that.

-Very best of luck.

-Thank you very much indeed.

OK, so Gyles, there we are, going first.

Welcome to Pointless. Great to have you here.

-It's good to be here.

-But now, Gyles, I want to talk to you.

-Yes.

-I want to talk to you about teddy bears.

You have an enormous collection of teddy bears.

I have a thousand teddy bears, more than a thousand teddy bears,

including some real collectors' items.

I was given, for example, the original Fozzie Bear,

given to me by Jim Henson, who created the Muppets.

I've got the original Pudsey,

and I've got all these bears, and they needed a home.

-Right.

-I was making a film for The One Show and I was taken to

a place called Newby Hall in North Yorkshire.

And I discovered that Newby Hall,

a wonderful stately home designed by Christopher Wren,

was the place where,

if the Nazis had landed during the Second World War,

the Royal family would have gone to Yorkshire, of course,

God's own country, and they'd have gone to Newby Hall to live.

So I thought, if this place is good enough for royalty,

it's good enough for my bears. So my bears have all moved.

-They live at Newby Hall?

-They live in the Bear House in Newby Hall.

Wonderful. Now, Gyles,

words ending in AKE.

Yeah. I'm going to go for corncrake.

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

Corncrake, let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said corncrake.

It is right.

3 for corncrake.

Great start to the show.

Yes, the secretive Eurasian bird.

Corncrake. I thought you were going to say corncrake.

It's exactly the kind of thing I would have said.

That's what I had written down. Corncrake, there you go.

So now that's spoiled that, I'll have to do another one for you.

-OK, Sharron.

-Hello.

-Welcome back to Pointless.

-Thank you.

Welcome back. Now, Sharron, I have to ask, I have to ask you this.

When most people think about a holiday, their nice summer holiday,

the first thing you think about is a swimming pool.

-Yeah.

-The swimming is key, I would say, a central part of any holiday.

Is that the case for you?

I mean, can you look at the swimming pool and think,

"Oh, I just have to throw myself in there"?

-No.

-If it's hot.

-If it's really warm and it's the sea, maybe,

but we look upon a swimming pool and think, hard work, don't we?

-Five o'clock in the morning.

-And you can't just get in there

-and lark about and splash about and...

-Not very much, no.

Not very much, no. I think Mark swims more than I do these days.

-I actually sit on a bike most of the time.

-OK. Presumably if you ever did

get in a pool, everyone would just get in the pool and try and swim

-a bit faster than you.

-Or stop.

-Yeah.

-Now, corncrake scored 3.

-Yeah.

I think because we're talking early mornings we'll just go with awake.

Awake.

Awake, says Sharron. Let's see how many of our 100 people said awake.

16.

16, for awake.

Yeah, awake, it follows a funeral(!)

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much, Richard.

Matt, welcome to Pointless. Good to have you here. Now,

you have read the news on television and on radio.

-I have.

-You started off on radio with Sara Cox. Which do you prefer?

Radio is great, cos you don't need too many people to help you do it,

whereas as you can see with TV

you need a lot of people to make it all happen, so there are pros

and cons to both, but I had a good time with Sara in the mornings.

And have you ever broken a story?

When I was at Radio 1, I remember announcing the bombing of Baghdad,

so that wasn't my personal story to break,

but it was a pretty big one to announce to the nation.

OK, now, Matt, our scores at the moment go 3, 16.

Who knows what the next score is going to be in this sequence.

Well, I thought awake might get quite a high score,

but it's almost counterintuitive to go with those easier words,

but I'm going to plump for slake,

-as in to slake one's thirst.

-Slake, says Matt.

Let's see how many of our 100... AUDIENCE MEMBER GROANS

Slightly scary, that noise. Let's see, slake - is it right?

How many of our 100 people went for slake?

Well, it's right. 16 is our high score, 3 is our low.

You've passed 16.

10 for slake.

-Not bad.

-Not bad at all.

Yes, to quench or satisfy, to slake.

-It's a good one, isn't it?

-It is a good one.

-Not yours, though.

-No.

-I've written down what I think yours is.

-Oh, OK. Interesting.

I feel the pressure now.

-Don't change it.

-No, I shan't, I shall not.

-Diane, welcome to Pointless.

-And talking of pressure...

Now, Diane, you mentioned Blue Peter earlier.

-Yeah.

-I read that you turned down a role in Corrie.

Do you know, it was one of those weird days.

Years before, I was an actress, and I was in Manchester for a while,

so almost every week I was up at Granada, knocking on the door,

trying to get to the casting director,

asking if they'd give me a job.

They ignored me. Then, you know, a couple of years forward...

On the morning that I get the Blue Peter offer,

about an hour later my agent phoned me and said,

"You won't believe this

"but Coronation Street's offered you a job as well.

"Which one do you want to do?"

I made the right choice.

I was offered Harry Potter the same day I was offered this(!)

You made the right choice!

-I think I did.

-Do you know what? It's a shame.

You would have been a terrific Hermione.

LAUGHTER

-Diane.

-Yes?

-Have you got a good answer?

I've got an answer.

What about retake?

Retake. Retake, says Diane.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for retake.

That's good! Look at that! 9.

Second-lowest score of the round.

-Very well done. 9 for retake. Well played, Diane.

-It's a great answer.

Yeah, retake. I don't know what it means. It's not something

-we've ever really come across, is it?

-No.

In our long and varied career.

Thanks very much. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores and see where we are.

3 is the best score of the round. Corncrake, Gyles. Very well done.

Then up to 9 - Diane and Richard.

Then up to 10, where we find Matt and Nancy.

Up to 16 - Sharron and Mark. Not too far ahead, Mark, but we need

a low score from you in the next pass, Mark. So good luck with that.

We're going to come back down the line now. Can the second players

please step up to the podium?

OK, so, Richard, welcome back.

Welcome back to Pointless. Great to have you. Now, I have to ask you.

You must have been asked this so many times -

bearing in mind that everyone has a price -

you must've worked out what your price would be

for The Communards to get back together?

-A pint.

-Really?!

-Seriously?

-We do get asked every year but I can't remember

any of the songs and my hips...

-Oh, you must.

-I can't cope with the dancing now.

My hip will go out or something.

You could sit... You could work out Don't Leave Me This Way, surely.

Well, I don't know that I could.

When I got this present job, my present parish...

We've got a primary school and when I went in on my first day

a little boy came up to me and said, "You're the new vicar!"

I went, "Yeah." He said, "You was in that band."

I said, "Yes." He said, "That was my nan's favourite band."

LAUGHTER

Richard, what would you like to go for? There you are on 9.

If you happen to score less than 6, 6 or less,

you would be through to the next round automatically.

Well, how about spake?

Spake. Oh! Look at that...

The number of impressed "Oohs!" we've had so far from our audience.

Spake. Here is your red line. Let's see if you can get below

the red line with spake. How many of our 100 people said it?

Look at that, 1!

I'm so happy.

1 for spake.

Richard, you have already done twice as well as you did last time.

-I know, it's a record for me.

-That's taken your total up to 10.

-You are through.

-A great answer. Obviously, the past of speak.

-It's in the Bible a lot, isn't it?

-It is.

-Isn't it?

-In the English version, anyway.

-Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

Nancy, welcome to the show.

-Lovely to be here.

-It's great to have you here.

Thank you.

I want to ask you, you did a one-woman show in Edinburgh in 2014.

-Yes, I did.

-What made you do that?

I wanted to...

I wanted to have direct contact

with the public and to tell the story my way.

I like to interact with people.

That was an incredible...

Just two weeks but it was an amazing experience.

-What time was your slot?

-Eight o'clock in the evening.

-Would you do it again?

-I would do it again.

They've been asking for this year. I don't have time this year but I will

-do it again.

-Good for you. I take my hat off to you.

As I say, the spot is only one hour and it is too short.

I do have a lot of things to say.

Very good. Now, Nancy, you are on 10.

If you can happen to score 5 or less, you are into the next round.

There are two. I am undecided.

I'm going to go with brake.

Brake, says Nancy.

Here is your red line. If you can get below the red line with brake,

you're into the next round. Let's see how far down the column we go.

Brake.

38.

-That's all right.

-Taking your total up to 48.

Yes, a device for slowing or stopping a moving vehicle.

It is quite hard if English is not your first language.

It's hard for Xander and English supposedly is his first language.

A words round is tough.

It is. It is tough. Indeed, it is.

-Mark, welcome back.

-Thank you.

I want to ask you about the Mark Foster Swimming Academy.

-How long have you been running that?

-For about three years.

It's basically for 11 to 18-year-olds that are...

They can swim. They're club swimmers of a certain level.

-Yeah.

-It's about trying to use the knowledge I have over 25 years

at senior level and sort of passing that knowledge on.

So the very, very basics through to...

So, pool work, land work and through to classroom work.

We talk them through mind-set, how to deal with nerves,

how to prepare yourself, those kinds of things.

-Sure. Three years... It's only been going...

-It's not a long time.

I retired eight years ago and it was kind of trying to give something back to the sport for me.

I'm a great believer in if you can see someone do something,

-you can copy them.

-Yeah.

-But seeing their eyes light up when they're in

the water and just how they engage with the water is fantastic.

-Wonderful. Best of luck with that.

-Thank you.

-That sounds fantastic.

Now, Mark, best of luck with your answer.

We now have a high score of 48. 31 is your target.

31 or less gets you into the next round.

I'm going to go for...

-remake.

-Remake.

Remake, says Mark. Here is your red line.

If you can get below the red line, you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said remake.

HE WHISPERS

Very well done. Look at that, down to 10. Superb.

26 is your total. You are into round two.

Well played, Mark.

To create something again or to create it differently.

-Thank you very much indeed. Now, Susan...

-Hi.

Welcome to Pointless. It's great to have you here. Now, Susan, I want to

-ask you several things.

-Yes?

You made the cross over into comedy from corporate law.

-Yes.

-What was the moment when you suddenly thought, "Oh, this is...

"I'm going to give it all up, I'm going to go into..."

I had an early mid-life crisis.

I had my 30th birthday and I thought,

"I really want to be a comedian and if I don't try now,

"I'm never going to do it."

I started doing comedy and six months later

walked into my boss' office,

slammed my letter of resignation on the desk and said,

"I'm going to be a star!"

Eight years later,

I have finally started getting paid for being a comedian.

It's what I've always wanted to do from a very young age.

I just thought, "Do you know what? Life's too short. Just go for it."

-So I did.

-Brilliant. Now, if you can score 44 or less,

you are into the next round.

Everyone's answers have been tremendous and very low scoring

and this is terrifying.

I'm going to say partake.

Partake. There is your...

-Small murmur.

-Small murmur.

It's a good murmur. There's your red line.

Below that red line, round two.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said partake.

It's right.

-You're in round two.

-Well done!

-15.

-Well done.

15, taking your total up to 18.

Very well done indeed.

Very well played, Susan.

Yeah, partake is a Scottish football team - Partake Thistle.

-Do you have one?

-I do.

-Go on.

Mandrake.

-A pointless answer.

-Very well done. Fantastic.

I thought that might have got a bigger round of applause,

-but there we are.

-We can dub that on later along with the laughs.

There's loads of good pointless answers here.

There's loads of very familiar words that are pointless answers.

Let's take a look at a few of them.

Cheesecake. A pointless answer.

Clambake. Cupcake, which is of course what you call me.

Fishcake - what a fish gets on its birthday.

Handmake is a pointless answer.

Matchmake. Also, bookmake is a pointless answer.

Caretake is a pointless answer.

-Oatcake!

-Oatcake, a pointless...

-Oatcake!

-Oatcake, you see? Reawake. Stocktake.

Loads of pointless answers. Well done if you got one of those.

Let's take a look at the top three answers,

the ones that most of our 100 people said when we asked them online.

Lake, 82.

Some very high scorers here.

Take, 88.

And 89 for make.

Thank you very much indeed. We're at the end of our first round

and I'm afraid to say the pair we have to say goodbye to,

with their high score of 48... It's not that high a score.

But, Nancy and Matt, it is you.

Good answers from both of you, just not low scoring enough.

-Of course.

-We'll see you again next time, I hope.

Thanks very much for playing. Nancy and Matt.

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for round two.

And so we are down to three pairs.

At the end of this round we will have to say goodbye to another pair.

Well done, everyone. You've seen off our newcomers.

There's at least one player on each team who has played before

and that's how you treated our newcomers, so thanks very much.

-Sorry.

-Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for round two this evening is...

Children's Books.

Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going first and who's going second. And whoever's going first,

please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Mr Men and Little Miss series in French.

-What?!

-What?!

-Mr Men and Little Miss series in French.

Yes, it's a lovely one, this. On each board we're going to show you

six translations in French of books

in the Mr Men or Little Miss series.

You need to tell us what their original titles in English were.

6 on each board, 12 in all to have a go at home.

Very best of luck and, as always,

I look forward to your French pronunciation.

Thank you very much indeed. OK, so we are looking for the English

titles of these books, please. Here is our first board of six.

On it we have...

HE READS THE TITLES

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Now...

Susan.

Yes?

This is quite the turn up for the books, isn't it?

-Fun, though.

-Books and French, my!

-My!

-OK, I'm going to go for Madame Noel, Little Miss Christmas.

Little Miss Christmas, says Susan.

Let's see if it's right and how many of our 100 knew that answer.

It's right.

-56.

-It's a big answer.

It's not bad. 56. Remember, it's no longer a words round.

That's a normal score.

Yes, first published in 2005.

She is Father Christmas' niece.

She lives next door to him in an igloo in the North Pole.

Sharron? Now, then.

Just like Susan, my French isn't particularly good.

I can order a cup of coffee in many languages, but that's about it.

In that case we're going to have to

go with the obvious one just to be safe. Sorry, Mark.

Little Miss Princess, I think.

Little Miss Princess, says Sharron. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Little Miss Princess.

It's right.

44! 44.

Because it seemed too easy.

Yeah, a lot of people having trouble with that translation.

What could it be(?)

Diane, you are the last person to have this board.

Do you want to talk me through it?

Do you know what's really interesting?

When you said children's books, I thought, "That's great!"

Then it was French and my heart sank.

-Oh, no.

-So, I'm just going to go for...

It's too painful.

Mr Sneezy.

-The bottom one.

-Mr Sneezy. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Mr Sneezy.

Oh, no!

-Diane, I'm afraid...

-Oh, Mr Sneeze.

I'm afraid that's a really...

That's a very harshly judged but, I'm afraid, a wrong answer.

Do you know what? I'm in round two, I'm so happy.

It scores you 100 points.

As you know, there's a nation of eight-year-old children saying it's

Mr Sneeze, not Mr Sneezy, I'm afraid.

We can't take it. We need the official titles.

It's not fair on everyone else if we do. It's the only Mr Man

-without any arms.

-That's very unfair, given he sneezes.

-So how does he wipe his nose?

-Quite.

If any Mr Man should have arms, you would think Mr Sneeze would.

He also lives... Well, very near the North Pole.

Now, shall we fill in the rest of these with your rudimentary French?

Monsieur Farceur?

He's... He's Mr...

It's a pointless answer. I imagine some people would have said...

It's actually Mr Mischief.

-Oh, Mischief!

-Very well done if you said that.

That's the best answer on the board.

-Monsieur Parfait?

-Mr Perfect.

-Mr Perfect, of course.

34 points for that. Monsieur Heureux?

-Mr Happy.

-Yeah, Mr Happy.

Only 18 points, though.

A very good answer. Monsieur Atchoum, of course,

Mr Sneeze and it would have scored

-you 8 points.

-So close!

It scored so few because so many of our 100 said Sneezy as well

and we have to take Sneeze.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

44 was the best score of that pass.

Well done. Sharron and Mark looking very strong at this point.

Then up to 56, Susan and Gyles.

Then up to 100, where we find Diane and Richard.

Richard, a well-chosen answer from you could be enough to keep you

-in the game.

-It's what we need.

-Best of luck with that.

We're going to come back down the line now. Can the second players please step up to the podium?

We're going to put six more book titles in French up on the board

and here they are. We have got...

HE READS THE TITLES

Richard, there you are on 100. We need a low score from you.

Oh, gosh. I sort of could translate them but I don't know if I could

translate them into their Mr Man, Little Miss thingies...

The top one that I would go for, Mr Snow.

-Mr Snow...

-Yeah.

-..says Richard.

No red line for you as you're the high scorers.

Let's see how far down the column we can get with Mr Snow.

It's right.

Oh, it's a good answer. Look at that. 21. Very well done indeed.

You could have kept yourselves in the game.

-121 is your total.

-Well played, Richard. Mr Snow is a book all about

-my old geography teacher. That's nice, isn't it?

-What's he up to now?

Well, according to this,

Father Christmas brought him to life to help him deliver presents.

Interesting, there we are. Thank you, Richard.

Now then, Mark, you are on 44.

76 or less gets you through.

-How good's your French?

-I swam for a French team years ago but I didn't

use any of these words. I think I'm going to be sensible

-and go with Mr Small.

-For?

-Monsieur Petit.

-OK, here is your red line.

If you can get below this red line with Mr Small,

you are into the head-to-head.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Mr Small.

It's right. And you've done it.

Narrowly.

65, taking your total up to 109.

Yeah, that's all you had to do.

Playing it safe. He had half a pea and a crumb for tea.

-Aww.

-That's nice. From the Heston Blumenthal restaurant.

Yeah.

Thanks very much. Now, then, Gyles, your target is 64.

64 or less and you are into the head-to-head.

-Talk us through the board, Gyles.

-I'll talk you through the board.

Madame Anniversaire could be Little Miss Birthday.

Next one down, I was going to say would be Mr Greedy, as in glutton.

Monsieur Bing.

I'm not sure about Mr Bing at all.

I'm going to go for Monsieur Chatouille

-and say it's Mr Tickle.

-Mr Tickle for Monsieur Chatouille.

Here is your red line. If you get below that with Tickle, you are

through to the next round. How many of our 100 people said Tickle?

Ah!

It's right!

You're through!

-4! Well done.

-Very well done indeed.

Takes your total up to 60.

Very well played, Gyles.

We won't look into why you know the French word for tickle,

but you certainly do know it.

Now, you were right about Little Miss Birthday.

It would have scored you more points - it would have been 33.

You are right about Mr Greedy as well.

That would have scored you 40.

Now, Mr Bing, it's Mr Search Engine.

LAUGHTER

-No, it's not.

-Of course it's not!

Do you know what it is? Bounce.

Mr Bounce.

-Well done.

-Best answer there, 2 points.

ALL TALK AT ONCE

That would have been nice. That would have been lovely.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

At the end of our second round, the pair we have to say goodbye to,

with their score of 121, Richard and Diane,

I'm so sorry it's you. You were so nearly so brilliant there.

Mr Sneezy, I'm sorry. We will see you, I hope, another time.

-We'd love to.

-Please come back again. Thank you.

-Bye, folks.

But for Sharron and Mark, Gyles and Susan,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Gyles and Susan, Sharron and Mark.

You are now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot,

which currently stands at £2,500.

So this is the bit where we have to decide who goes through to play for

that jackpot, and we do that by making you go head-to-head.

You can now confer before you give your answers, which is nice.

You can chat before you give your answers.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Well done to all four of you, but a particular well done to Susan.

-Thanks.

-Your first appearance on this show.

Straight through, not just to the head-to-head,

but as part of our golden couple.

I like the way you're calling us that, the golden couple.

-We're thinking of doing a tour, aren't we?

-Yes.

-Oh, but you should.

-As the Golden Couple.

-Absolutely.

-Perfect.

Let's play the head-to-head.

Here is your first question and it concerns...

-What?!

-Animal parents.

-Richard.

-We're going to show you some pictures now of animals

with their offspring. All you have to do is identify the animals.

We're going to give you the first and last letters as well.

So what are these animals?

OK, let's reveal our animal parents. Here they are. We have got...

There we are, five animals with their parents.

Now, Gyles and Susan, you've been our low scorers throughout the show,

so you will go first.

Yes, and Susan, of course, knows the answer.

She's very much in touch with the animal world.

-Do you want to go...? Go for that one.

-Go, go...

OK, OK.

Go for the last one. Go for E.

E is capybara.

-The capybara.

-Yep.

The capybara, say Gyles and Susan.

Now, then, Sharron and Mark,

do you fancy talking us through all those animals and their young?

We could try. That's the one we were going to go for.

That's the one you were going to go for, not me.

D is sea otter.

New Zealand fur seal.

Bison.

We're not sure about B.

-New Zealand fur seal.

-New Zealand fur seal, say Sharron and Mark.

So we have capybara and we have New Zealand fur seal. Gyles and Susan,

capybara, let's see how many of our 100 people got that for E.

It's right.

-18.

-You did it again.

18 for capybara. Very good indeed.

Sharron and Mark have gone for New Zealand fur seal.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

51.

Which means very well done, Gyles and Susan.

After one question you are up 1-0.

There is only one answer there that would have beaten capybara.

A is bison.

That is a cute baby, isn't it?

76 points.

It looks like it has been bought in a shop.

Perhaps it has been.

D, of course, is the sea otter.

That would have scored you 62. Cute, too.

B is the best answer.

It's a giraffe, of course.

What sort of giraffe?

I would go for Ugandan...

Ugandan giraffe.

Not much else can fit there.

7 points. Very well done if you said that.

There you are. Thank you, Richard.

Here comes your second question. Sharron and Mark,

you have to win this one. You get to answer it first.

Our second question is all about...the weather.

It's about the weather. Richard.

Going to show you five clues to facts about the weather.

Give us the most obscure answer.

Let's reveal our five clues and here they come. We have got...

HE READS THE CLUES

I'll read them all one last time.

Now, Sharron and Mark, you will go first.

We're not really sure, so we're going to go with safe...

Well, hopefully it's safe.

Carol Kirkwood, the BBC Breakfast weather presenter.

Carol Kirkwood. OK, now, then,

Gyles and Susan, the rest of the board is yours.

-Do you want to talk us through it?

-We are ready to talk you through it.

We had got Carol Kirkwood.

The next one could be the Beaufort scale.

Shipping forecast and then the vast storm - Mars?

-Possibly.

-I would go for the Beaufort one cos we both said that

at the same time.

-Beaufort.

-You're going to go with the Beaufort scale.

-The Beaufort scale.

-I think it's best just to cut to the chase.

We have Carol Kirkwood and the Beaufort scale.

Sharron and Mark have gone for Carol Kirkwood.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Carol Kirkwood.

It's right.

It is a good answer. Look at that. Still going down.

10. Very well done indeed. Great answer there.

The lovely Carol Kirkwood.

Now, Gyles and Susan have gone for the Beaufort scale.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said the Beaufort scale.

It's right.

44!

Very well done. Sharron and Mark, you're back in the game.

After two questions, it's 1-1.

The fabulous Carol Kirkwood is the best answer on the board.

-Wow.

-You could not have beaten her.

The names of the lines are isobars.

55 points for that.

It is the Shipping Forecast.

48 for that.

And the vast storm is on Jupiter.

That would have scored 30.

Thanks very much. Here comes your third question.

It's come down to a decider, as I'm sure we all knew it would.

Whoever wins this goes through to the final and plays for the jackpot

for their charity. So best of luck to both pairs.

Our third question this evening is all about...Greek food.

-Brilliant.

-Greek food. Richard.

I'm going to show you the names of five dishes associated

with Greek cuisine. We've missed out alternate letters from each one.

Can you fill in those gaps, please? Very best of luck, both teams.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Let's reveal our five Greek dishes with bites taken out.

We have got...

HE READS THE LETTERS

Gyles and Susan will go first.

Just to let you know, Greek food... I have never had Greek food.

-Oh, it's lovely.

-I dislike Greek food because I have never had it,

so I'm putting myself into Gyles' hands.

You think the second bottom one is?

-I know what that is.

-Say it.

Souvlaka. S-O-U-V-L-A-K-A.

Souvlaka. Souvlaka, say Gyles and Susan.

Sharron and Mark?

We're thinking the top one is koffee.

-Feta.

-Feta, yeah.

We are not sure about the second one. We think it's along the lines

of taramasalata or something but can't think of the word.

So the one we're going to go for is bakala.

Bakala. OK, well, let's put those to the test.

Souvlaka, let's see if that is right

and how many of our 100 people said souvlaka.

Oh, no!

-No!

-Gyles!

-No!

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, there's been a mistake.

We should all have gone for the wretched feta cheese.

Sharron and Mark...

Sharron and Mark meanwhile have gone for bakala.

Let's see if bakala is right and how many people said it.

No, I'm afraid...

So there we are. Exciting.

After three questions, it is 1-1.

Never has the expression "It's all Greek to me" been so appropriate.

-Excuse me.

-Quite how you spell souvlaka is moot

because it's souvlaki.

Souvlaki. And it's baklava as well.

Let's fill in this entire board, shall be?

Feta, which everyone knew, would have seen you through to the final.

74 points for that.

Souvlaki. Pieces of grilled meat on a skewer.

That's what I said, that's what I said!

It's a rough approximation of what you said, Gyles, you're quite right.

Baklava would have scored you 54.

The top two are the best two.

This is a filo pastry and it is called spanakopita.

Very well done if you said spanakopita.

It would have scored you 3 points.

Small meatballs are keftedes.

It's a pointless answer. Very well done if you said that.

-That is so annoying.

-Thank you very much indeed.

It comes down to a fourth question.

Whoever wins this goes through to the final and wins the jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs.

Our fourth question today is all about...

Oh, Peru!

LAUGHTER

Peru. Richard.

We have got five clues to facts about Peru.

Whichever team gives us the most obscure answer is going through

to play in that final. Do be careful with your pronunciations, Gyles,

-in this round.

-OK, let's reveal our five clues.

Here they come. HE READS THE CLUES

I'm going to read those one last time.

There we are. Now, Sharron and Mark will go first.

THEY WHISPER

Yeah, I'm not sure, though.

THEY WHISPER

We're going to go with great mountain system, Andes.

The Andes, say Sharron and Mark. Andes.

Gyles and Susan, talk us through the board.

The bottom one you think is...

Machu Picchu, but I think

that might be in Mexico.

National capital city we think might be Lima.

The camel family...

-You said llama.

-But maybe I was thinking of Lima.

Lima. OK. We're going to go for Lima.

You're going to go for Lima.

We have Andes and we have Lima.

Sharron and Mike went for Andes.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said the Andes.

It is right.

60.

60 for the Andes.

Meanwhile, Gyles and Susan have gone for Lima,

the national capital city. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said Lima.

It's right.

And it beats Andes.

Here we are. Very well done indeed.

It means, eventually, after four questions,

Gyles and Susan, you are through to the final, 2-1.

Very well played. Even better score for Machu Picchu.

-Oh, is that right?

-It would have scored 36 points.

The world's highest commercially navigable lake is...

-Everyone's heard of it.

-Titicaca.

-Lake Titicaca.

It would have scored 12 points.

The member of the camel family..

They're not the llamas, the little fluffy llamas like poodles.

They're called vicuna. Vicuna would have scored you 1 point.

-Very well done if you said that at home.

-Thank you very much indeed.

The pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round -

I'm sorry, Sharron and Mark, it is you.

A tremendous performance across the show.

It's been wonderful having you here again. Come back and play again.

-Thank you so much.

-Thank you.

Good luck, guys.

For Gyles and Susan, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Gyles and Susan.

You have fought off all the competition and you have won

our coveted Pointless trophy.

-Yay!

-You now have a chance to win

our Pointless jackpot for your nominated charity. Today,

the jackpot is standing at £2,500.

Very, very well done indeed.

A very strong performance from each of you.

Capybara, the highlight of the entire show, I have to say, Susan.

The cherry on the cake would be

if you won that money for your charities.

You get to choose your category from the four we put up on the board.

Today's choices look like this. We have got...

Do we have more chance going for a general category like Brown Things

or a specific one like Royal Family, Gyles?

-You decide.

-No, I will not decide, Gyles Brandreth.

-You are the newcomer.

-Do you want to go for Brown Things?

-Let's go for Brown Things.

-We're going to go for Brown Things.

-Let's go for Brown Things.

-Brown Things it is.

Brown Things is one of those categories I thought,

"That's going to be up there for a long time before anyone picks it,"

but first show - you've gone for it.

The very best of luck. Hopefully one of these categories will suit you.

We're looking for one of the following three things, please.

All very different. We're looking for any stations

on London Underground's Bakerloo Line.

That's the brown line on the official tube map.

Any named characters in The Da Vinci Code movie,

made from Dan Brown's novel, the 2006 film.

So any named characters according to IMDb.

We're looking for any female cabinet member who shared the cabinet with

Gordon Brown when he was Prime Minister or when he was Chancellor.

So any female cabinet minister who served alongside Gordon Brown

when he was Prime Minister or Chancellor, please.

So stations on the Bakerloo Line, named characters in

The Da Vinci Code or female cabinet members with Gordon Brown.

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much.

As always, you've got up to one minute to come up with the answers.

One of your answers has to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yep.

-Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are now. Your time starts now.

-Female cabinet members.

-Harriet Harman.

-Clare Short?

-I don't think...

Maybe Clare Short.

Wendy Alexander, maybe.

That's an obscure one. Wendy Alexander.

I don't know.

We've got Clare Short, Tessa Jowell, Harriet Harman.

We think that's a bit obvious.

-We've only got...

-Margaret Beckett is a bit obvious?

We can go for it. Margaret Beckett. Other women in the cabinet...

-Was Diane Abbott ever in the cabinet?

-No, she thought she was.

Right, OK.

Other women in the Labour Party...

So many and so good.

20 seconds.

Other women in the Labour Party who might have been in the cabinet...

What about Marylebone station? The obscure one.

Queen's Park as well.

-Queen's Park.

-Is that on the Bakerloo Line?

Why don't we do two from the bottom and one from the top?

When we have finished time, we just have to say, do we?

There we are. Finished time.

Let's have your three answers. If you say which category you are

answering, just so I don't confuse your tube station.

Female cabinet members with Gordon Brown...

Are you going to say...?

I'm going to say Wendy Alexander.

Wendy Alexander.

I'm going to offer Tessa Jowell.

For stations on the Bakerloo Line, if you get to...

Do you think a lot of people said Marylebone?

I think if you go up one you get to Queen's Park.

-It's a bit obscure.

-OK.

Queen's Park. Of those three,

which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

It's not good to speak of any female cabinet member with Gordon Brown

as being pointless in any way.

If it's right, Wendy Alexander.

-I don't know if it is right.

-Least likely to be pointless?

-Queen's Park.

-OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board.

Here they are. We have Queen's Park, Tessa Jowell and Wendy Alexander.

Very, very best of luck. Three good answers there.

If one of these were to carry off that jackpot for you,

what charities are you playing for?

-Gyles, you first.

-Arthritis Research. One of the exciting things

about Arthritis Research is amazing things are happening.

It's a wonderful cause.

-Susan, what about you?

-I'm an ambassador for Glasgow Rape Crisis,

which is a wonderful, smaller organisation that works with

very vulnerable people.

They've been going for 40 years and I'm doing whatever I can

-to support them because it's a great organisation.

-Fabulous.

Best of luck. Two worthy charities there.

Let's hope one of these answers wins that jackpot for them.

In the first instance we were looking for stations

on the Bakerloo Line. You have gone for Queen's Park.

If this is right and if it is pointless, it will win that jackpot

of £2,500 for your charities.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Queen's Park.

-It's right.

-Gyles!

-It's right. All it has to be is pointless.

If it goes all the way down to zero,

you will leave with £2,500 for your charities.

Down it goes. Queen's Park.

Down into single figures. Still going down. Still going down.

You've done it!

Very well done indeed.

Very well done, Gyles.

Congratulations! Straight out of the traps there.

Queen's Park was a pointless answer, which means you go home with that

jackpot of £2,500 for your charities.

Very well done indeed.

CHEERING

Yes, very well played.

Your other answers - Tessa Jowell would have scored you 3 points.

Wendy Alexander was an incorrect answer.

She was in the Scottish Parliament.

I like the fact that Gyles has written Royal biographies

and decides not to go with Royals.

He's also an MP for goodness knows how long and can't name a pointless

cabinet minister either, but wins £2,500 with a tube station.

That's what we call multitasking.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the different categories.

Stations on the Bakerloo Line first... Lots of pointless answers.

Kensal Green, Kilburn Park, Maida Vale, North Wembley,

South Kenton, Stonebridge Park, Warwick Avenue, Willesden Junction -

all of those pointless. Characters in The Da Vinci Code...

All of those pointless answers.

Let's take a look at the female politicians

in Gordon Brown's cabinet.

Also could've had Ann Taylor, Baroness Amos, Baroness Ashton,

Baroness Royall, Helen Liddell, Hilary Armstrong.

Very well done if you said any of those at home.

But congratulations in the studio.

Thank you very much indeed.

Thanks once again to our winning players, Gyles and Susan,

who go away with today's jackpot of £2,500 for their charities.

APPLAUSE

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge

to the test on Pointless. Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.