Number 1s Pointless Celebrities

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to

this special number ones edition of Pointless Celebrities,

the show where the more obscure your knowledge,

the better your chances of winning.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

And couple number one...

Hi, I'm Paul Heaton, I used to sing with The Housemartins

and then The Beautiful South and now I sing solo and with Jacqui.

Hi, I'm Jacqui Abbott.

I was the singer for a spell with The Beautiful South,

left for ten years, came back again to sing again with Paul.

WHOOPING

And couple number two.

Hi, I'm Carol Decker

and I'm lead singer with popular rock/pop combo T'Pau.

I'm Paul Young and I'm lead singer with popular combo...Paul Young.

WHOOPING

And couple number three...

How are you doing?

I'm Mikey Graham and I'm a member of the band Boyzone.

And I'm Keith Duffy and I'm a member of his band.

WHOOPING

And finally, couple number four.

I'm Dana and I've just always sung by myself, really.

Like Paul here.

I'm Sheila Ferguson and I'll probably mess up,

so I was with The Three Degrees and I'm not now.

WHOOPING

Thanks, all of you. We'll find out more about each of you

throughout the show as it goes along.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce -

Rich by name, rich by way of a series of offshore accounts

and legal loopholes, it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya.

CHEERING Thank you. Good evening.

-Good evening to you.

-And to you.

This is exciting, a number one special.

That's quite good. We've done a few number two specials in our time,

but number one special? This is... This is a new one.

We've actually got some experienced Pointless players here.

Good ones as well. On that last podium, we've got Sheila -

got through to Round Two last time -

and Dana, who won.

-Shut up!

-Dana won with Johnny Logan.

-You kept that quiet!

-Shut up!

On podium two, we've got Paul and Carol - also played before.

Paul got through to Round Two, Carol was head-to-head as well,

so they're all going to be very good.

Podium three, we've got two of one of the biggest-selling bands

in UK chart history. Boyzone, there.

Podium one, genuinely, I think probably

the greatest British songwriter of the last 30 years, Paul Heaton,

with The Housemartins, Beautiful South,

solo stuff and now with the brilliant Jacqui Abbott as well,

so I think a terrific line-up of old, experienced hands

and some great newcomers as well.

-Should be a cracker.

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

As usual, all of today's questions have been put

to 100 people before the show. Our contestants are looking

for those all-important pointless answers.

These are answers that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those, we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special

and each of our celebrities here is playing for a nominated charity,

we start off with a jackpot of £2,500. There it is.

WHOOPING AND CHEERING

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

All you have to remember is that the pair with the highest score

at the end of each round will be eliminated.

Your job, if you like, is to make sure you are not that pair.

Best of luck. Our first category this evening is...

Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going first, who's going second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Best Actress Oscar Nominees, Richard.

We're looking for any actress who's received

at least one Oscar nomination for best actress,

all the way through from the 1965 ceremony up to the 2014 ceremony.

So from 1965 to 2014,

anyone who's been nominated for best actress.

Very best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed.

Jacqui, welcome to Pointless.

Thank you very much.

-So you sang with The Beautiful South?

-I did.

But you joined The Beautiful South after...

-They'd been going some time?

-Yes.

-And how did that come about?

-Er...

I had a very, very, very lucky chance meeting with Paul

when I was about 17

and they were playing a gig in my home town

and I went out with some friends and kind of got talking to him

and I was prompted to audition in front of him.

Then two years later, after a brief meeting,

he remembered me voice and got in touch with somebody he knew

to give me the job.

-So as a fan, you were then promoted?

-Yeah.

It's like Brian Johnson with AC/DC.

That's fantastic.

-Yeah, it was.

-Really good.

Now, Jacqui, this is the price you pay for being on the first podium.

You now have to come up with a best actress Oscar nominee

and I've just been yabbering on to you.

I'll go with Shirley MacLaine.

Shirley MacLaine, says Jacqui.

Sounds like a good answer, let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Shirley MacLaine.

It's right.

That's a good answer, look at that! 2!

What a start to the show! Very well done indeed, Jacqui.

2 points for Shirley MacLaine.

Very well played, Jacqui. Great start to your Pointless career.

She won a best actress Oscar for Terms Of Endearment.

That's a good start.

Isn't it? 2 points. There we go.

There we go. Carol.

Carol, welcome back. How did you do last time?

I got through to the head-to-head by accident.

-With Limahl!

-I did.

That's right, with Limahl, I remember.

-In our matching outfits.

-Mmm.

Listen, you're back in the studio making an album.

Yep, I just finished the vocals last week.

We're just mixing it and we go out on tour next year.

Very exciting. When were you last on tour?

2013 - we did our 25th anniversary.

What was that like compared to the old days of T'Pau?

I imagine slightly earlier nights.

-Maybe not.

-No, actually!

I can still be very badly behaved.

It was great fun, it was really good,

and it was nice because I was back with my ex-partner in crime,

Ron Rogers, who'd co-written all the T'Pau hits and put the band together

with me back in the '80s, so it was really nice to reconnect

on a personal and professional level and we put a great line-up together

of hot, young musicians.

I don't want anyone else onstage my age.

I want nice, oiled young men.

-Do you oil them yourself?

-Personally, yeah.

-Bit of WD-40.

Then I drink them under the table just to put them in their place.

Quite right. Now, Carol, best actress nominees.

Golly...

-Sally Field.

-Sally Field?

-Yeah.

-Sally Field, says Carol.

Let's see if it's right and how many of our 100 people said Sally Field.

It's right. Well, 2 is our only score so far.

Can Sally Field go lower than Shirley MacLaine?

3, look at that!

Good one.

There you go, Carol Decker, in the game.

Another terrific answer, well done.

It puts a lot of pressure on the last two podiums there.

She won twice for Norma Rae

and Places In The Heart.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Mikey, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you very much.

Great to have you. You've just had a million and one number ones -

-how many...?

-We would have liked to have had a million and one.

How many did you have?

In total in the UK, we had six.

We had, well...

-28 top threes.

-28 top threes at the moment.

Cor. Do you have a favourite song?

-Quite a few.

-Yeah, but it's not a Boyzone one.

LAUGHTER

-There you go.

-Quite a few, quite a few.

No Matter What, Words - they are two of the best.

What are you up to at the moment, Mikey?

We've just completed a new Motown album called Dublin To Detroit,

which is released now in time for Christmas,

so we're beginning all of our promotional campaign for that.

Well, best of luck with that album, Mikey.

Now, best actress nominees.

This is a young Irish actress that I'm almost sure was up

for a nominee over the last couple of years.

Her name is Saoirse Ronan.

Saoirse Ronan?

Saoirse Ronan, let's see if that's right and if it is,

how many of our 100 people said Saoirse Ronan?

AUDIENCE GROANS

I told ya!

I'm afraid Saoirse Ronan - not an Oscar nominee

in the best actress category.

Not a bad answer and a great actress as well.

She was nominated for best supporting actress...

-I knew she was nominated.

-..for Atonement.

Yeah, Atonement.

Thanks very much, Richard.

-Sheila, welcome back.

-Thank you!

-You were on with Sandie Shaw.

-Yes, how could we ever forget?

My goodness, that was a long record.

It was an interesting, um, experience

-in how to change the rules of television.

-Yeah!

You sang with The Three Degrees.

I'm trying to... It was either Prince Charles's birthday

or it was the royal wedding, or maybe it was both.

We were invited to the wedding, but I was pregnant, couldn't go,

but we performed at his 30th birthday party

and we were his guests

and we walked in - it was like the parting of the Red Sea

-with Mr Darcy, it was really funny.

-LAUGHTER

It was kind of surreal in that I was dancing with Charles,

one was dancing with Prince Philip

and one was dancing with Prince... What's the other one? ..Andrew!

And everybody was, like, agog.

-Those are kind of moments you remember.

-Fantastic.

-Now, Sheila.

-Yes?

How are we feeling about this as a question?

OK, I won't go with the obvious. I'll say Susan Hayward.

Susan Hayward, says Sheila.

Susan Hayward, let's see if that's right and if it is,

how many of our 100 people said that?

Come on, go down!

-Uh!

-Ohhhh!

Well, we're doing OK.

Not a correct answer there, I'm afraid.

Scores you 100 points, I'm sorry.

Yeah, sorry, Sheila - she's been nominated five times,

but all before 1965, I'm afraid.

-Gotcha.

-Thank you very much indeed.

Richard, we are halfway through the round -

let's take a look at the scores as they stand.

2, Jacqui. Exemplary play there. The lowest score of the round.

Thank you.

Carol, 3.

Also exemplary play.

Then we go up to 100, joint high scorers -

Sheila and Dana, Mikey and Keith.

Dana and Keith, it's between you two.

One of you will be staying, one of you, I fear, will be leaving.

Good luck with that. Back down the line -

can the second players please step up to the podium?

-So, Dana, welcome back.

-Thank you!

A winner.

A previous winner on Pointless.

I know. My family can't get over it yet.

That was just a lovely show.

It'd be nice to have the other bookend, I think, for the...

You know.

-Dana, are you still in politics?

-No, I'm not in politics

and I'm beginning to just dip my feet in the water,

going back into show business, which is...

-a much nicer place to be.

-Mmm!

Now, best actress nominees.

You're joint high scorers with Keith and Mikey.

We have to have a low score from you, Dana.

I'm going to say Elizabeth Taylor.

Elizabeth Taylor, says Dana.

No red line for you, as you're joint high scorers,

but let's see how many of our 100 people said Elizabeth Taylor.

Is it right?

-SHEILA:

-Don't do this to her!

-It's right.

-Thank God!

-It's right.

Down it goes, still going down...!

3! Look at that!

Very well done indeed, Dana.

That's my job! Yeah!

-Whoo-whoo!

-103, your total.

Given Keith a very big job to do there, Dana. Very well played.

Won once in this timeframe for Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?

Thank you very much indeed.

So Keith, after Boyzone, you went into acting.

You were in Corrie for a bit.

-I was, yeah.

-How long did you do in Corrie?

On and off, ten years.

But then back into Boyzone, they just get you back in.

Do you find that no sooner have you set up another career

-than suddenly Boyzone...

-They just keep dragging me down.

-Dragging you down!

-Every time I get a little bit of success,

they pull me back to base.

-Terrible.

-Do you still keep up with Louis?

We don't work together any more, but we bump into him on the street

when we're going to buy our loaf of bread in the morning

and stuff like that.

Ireland is tiny. We know everybody.

Now, then, Keith... As Richard said,

you've got a bit of a mountain to climb here.

Ideally, you should be scoring 2 or less.

-OK.

-2 or less.

No, no. I'm just going to make sure to catch that flight.

LAUGHTER

-What are you going to go for?

-Meryl Streep.

Meryl Streep. Meryl Streep.

Your red... There it is. I thought for a moment...

It was there, I just couldn't see it, but it is there.

OK, let's see, Meryl Streep. Is it right? How many people said it?

Will it get you below that red line?

It's right.

You're catching that plane, Keith.

APPLAUSE

That's us out of here!

38 takes your total up to 138.

Good answer, but actually the most nominated actress of all time -

15 times she's been nominated.

Yeah, I know me stuff!

-Yes(!) Won it twice.

-No conferring, Mike.

Won it twice.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Paul, welcome back.

Paul, can you believe it?

-It's 30 years...

-Don't tell me.

..since you sang that first line...

-on Band Aid.

-Oh, yeah!

It's even longer since my first album, but, yeah.

You're right.

When you were doing it,

did Midge and Bob just tell you which line you were doing,

-or did you...?

-I had the piece in the middle.

-Yeah.

-I thought that was it and my day was done,

until the final shoot at the end and then they called me back in.

-I thought I'd done something wrong.

-Who had originally done it?

Nobody, they hadn't decided.

It was one of those things where they'd got everything else

and they hadn't got the first line.

I think they were just conferring and conferring.

Now, I believe that...

David Bowie was in line,

but he was touring Japan, but anyway, for whatever reason,

I was called back in and they asked me to do the first line.

I heard it was Musical Youth who were supposed to do it

and it just got too late.

LAUGHTER

-That's the problem, they had to... CAROL:

-They had to go to bed!

There we go. Now, Paul, good news - you are through to the next round.

-Yes, I am.

-But let's have an answer from you.

Let's see if you can get even lower than Carol.

Er, I was going to go with Lauren Bacall.

Lauren Bacall, says Paul.

Lauren Bacall. No red line for the lovely reason

you're already through. Let's see if Lauren Bacall is right.

Let's see how many people said it.

-AUDIENCE GROANS

-Aww!

Bad luck, an incorrect answer scores you 100 points.

Couldn't matter less -

you're already through. 103.

She only got an honorary Oscar, Lauren Bacall.

Never been nominated for a best actress Oscar.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Paul...

Paul, Happy Hour, song of my O levels.

-That was it?

-Yeah.

-Did you fail?

-Good to hear(!)

-Yeah!

-"I remember that when I was eight..."

No! Just leaving O levels, coming out and going...

Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, yeah. I took them very late, maybe.

You are going to be singing for us later.

Yes, we are, yeah.

Me and Jacqui are singing our Christmas single, really.

We've had an album out this year

and we're just at the back end of promoting that,

but we've just got this extra track, really for you at Pointless

and the people at home as well.

Thank you. Really can't wait for that.

Now, you've had a little bit of time to think of a real knockout answer.

We haven't had a pointless answer and I bet there are some.

I think Diane Keaton might have had an Oscar nominee.

Diane Keaton.

You're getting nods from all the people you'd want to get nods from.

No red line for you, you're already through, but let's see.

Diane Keaton - is that right?

If it is, how many of our 100 people said Diane Keaton?

It's right.

2 is our lowest score so far, from Jacqui.

-3! Very well done indeed!

-APPLAUSE

A total of 5,

our only single-figure total. Well done.

Great answer, Paul, very well played.

Not as good as Jacqui's, but still a great answer.

One for Annie Hall

and also been nominated for other films.

Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers -

all sorts of pointless answers here.

Emmanuelle Riva, the oldest ever nominee at 85, for Amour.

Imelda Staunton was a pointless answer.

Julianne Moore has had a couple of nominations, brilliant actress.

You could have had...

Julie Christie.

Kristin Scott Thomas, who was nominated for The English Patient.

Liza Minnelli for Cabaret, amongst others.

Marion Cotillard for La Vie En Rose,

Michelle Pfeiffer, Sophia Loren.

Lots of other pointless answers - Annette Bening, Anne Bancroft,

Anjelica Huston, Carey Mulligan, Debbie Reynolds...

You could have had Miranda Richardson, Samantha Morton,

all sorts of pointless answers.

Well done if you said any of those.

Let's take a look at the top three answers,

the ones that most of our 100 people said.

I imagine one of them will be familiar.

Kate Winslet would have scored you 26.

Judi Dench - 33,

and right at the top, Keith, Meryl Streep with 38.

At least it's right! There's a lot of 100s out there.

Thanks very much, Richard.

At the end of our first round, the pair who are heading home

with their high score of 138, you're not miles ahead,

but I'm afraid you are the high scorers, Keith and Mikey,

so we have to say goodbye to you.

-Lovely to have you on the show.

-Thank you.

Thank you for joining us. Best of luck with the new album.

-Keith and Mikey.

-BOTH:

-Thank you.

WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And then there were three pairs.

At the end of this round, we'll have to say goodbye to another pair.

Our four returners - Paul, Carol, Sheila and Dana -

you were tied on 103.

-103.

-Ooh!

-Our newcomers...they scored 5.

-Wow!

5... I mean, the lowest individual score, the lowest combined score -

you were just ace.

It's just brilliant. Anyway, best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this evening is...

-Uh-oh.

-Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

French Words For Food And Drink.

-Is that good, Sheila?

-Terrific - I live in Majorca.

-Terrific, thank you very much(!)

-Excellent!

Everyone else lives in England. That's like...

-Y'all are all right, then.

-It's still not France.

-True.

-On each board, we're going to give you

six French terms for food and drink.

Tell us what they are in English, please.

Give us a nice, obscure answer, you'll score fewer points.

An incorrect answer, you're going to score 100 points.

Six on each board, 12 in all to have a go at at home. Very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

Let's reveal our first board of six and here they come.

HE READS OUT FRENCH OPTIONS

SHEILA GUFFAWS LOUDLY

Ha! Sorry.

-What am I supposed to do?

-I'm going to read them again.

HE READS OUT FRENCH OPTIONS

OK, so, Paul...

Paul H.

Um... Well, I'm not very good with French, really.

At all.

I suppose I'm going to have to go with le bonbon...

which I think is probably "sweet".

Le bonbon, a sweet.

Let's see. Sweet. Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said sweet for bonbon?

It's right.

-Ooh, it's a high one. 83...

-APPLAUSE

..for sweet.

Yeah, literally a "good-good", a bonbon.

Thanks very much indeed.

Now, Paul. Paul Y.

I'm glad I'm in second, cos I'm not too good on French either.

Spanish and Italian I'm a bit better at.

So, I'm going to go with la moule, which is mussels.

Mussel. Moule.

Mussel. Let's see if that's right, and if it is,

how many of our 100 people said mussel?

It's right. Passes 83.

54.

-APPLAUSE

-Not bad. Good enough, anyway.

Well played, Paul. Very good answer there.

Very eco-friendly, mussels. Very eco-friendly thing to eat.

They're very easy to farm, and very nutritious.

-Mm, they are.

-And delicious with chips, as well.

Delicious with chips! Mm.

-Mm-mm-mm. Sheila...

-Yo.

You're the last person to have this board.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Do you want to talk us through it and fill in the blanks?

Well, let's just say, um, if I went with la farine, it might be flour.

Farine, flour, says Sheila, let's see if that's right, and if it is,

how many of our 100 people said flour?

It's right!

You pass 83.

You pass 54.

-26 for flour!

-Oh, my God!

APPLAUSE

This is good, Sheila, this is very good.

26 for flour.

-Oh!

-Yeah, all this, "Oh, I don't know, what an awful category for me.

"Oh, I don't know any of those,"

and then coming up with one of the best answers on the board, Sheila.

In Great British Bake Off

they used 24 different types of flour this series.

Wow. There we go.

Er, now, let's fill in the rest of these...

THEY CHUCKLE Goodness me.

-Le lait?

-Milk.

Milk, yeah. Big scorer, though.

Would have scored you 80. L'agneau?

-Lamb.

-Lamb, yeah.

Another big scorer, 31.

And la cannelle.

It's cinnamon.

Cinnamon.

Very well done if you said that -

would have scored you 2 points.

Wow. There we go. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

We're halfway through the round.

Let's check out those scores. 26, the best score of the pass, Sheila.

Very well done indeed.

Then up to 54, where we find Paul Y and Carol.

Then up to 83, where we find Paul H and Jacqui.

So, yes, Jacqui, we need a low score from you. How's your French?

Not great.

It's not great, but...

Once you see the words you kind of connect them together,

-don't you?

-Yeah. Well, good luck.

Let's hope there's something up there that only you know.

Best of luck with that. We'll come back down the line now -

can the second players step up to the podium?

So, let's put six more French words up on the board -

and here they come.

We've got...

I'll read those one last time.

-Dana.

-No conferring?

No conferring, alas.

OK.

I'll go with le sel...

-salt.

-Salt, says Dana.

Salt. You want to be scoring 56 or less

to be sure of a place in the next round.

There's your red line.

Below that, you're through.

Let's see how many of our 100 said salt.

It's right.

And you're through - just! Look at that, 54.

-APPLAUSE

-Bring the game, girl.

56, you needed. 54, you got.

80 is your total.

Very well played, Dana. Yes, safely through. Le sel.

-Sodium chloride.

-There we are.

-They don't call it that, do they?

-No.

No, they do not.

It's weird that there's salt mines, isn't it?

-Don't you think that's weird?

-Yeah...

What a weird place to work.

It's like working in a ketchup reservoir.

LAUGHTER

Yeah! OK, now, Carol.

-Oui.

-Carol, what are you going to go for?

OK, well, my French is schoolgirl patchy,

so there's some up there I really don't know,

but there's one I hope I do know.

L'huitre, I think, is oyster.

Huitre, oyster.

There we go. Now, here's you red line.

Quite low. Get below that with oyster

and you are into the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said oyster.

It's quite right.

Gets you through - look at that!

Nothing patchy about that, Carol.

-APPLAUSE

-15, takes your total up to 69.

Well played, Carol.

Very good answer, and another very nutritious, very easy to farm food.

Very good. Thank you very much indeed.

Now, Jacqui.

I have really sad news.

I have sad news.

You are the high scorers,

before you've given your answer.

But there is a board there full of French items of food and drink.

Do you want to have a crack at any of them?

Just talk us through as many of them as you can.

Hah! I'm dreading it being completely wrong, it probably is.

I'm going to go for le fromage, and I think it's cheese.

Cheese, says Jacqui, for le fromage.

I'm afraid no red line for you as you're our high scorers.

But let's see how many of our 100 people said cheese for fromage.

It's absolutely ri...ay, ay. Look at that.

-86.

-APPLAUSE

Takes your total up to 169.

It's genuinely impressive on that first podium

to have two correct answers

and get 169 points.

That's going it some.

-But no wrong answers. That's the beauty of it.

-Very good.

Fromage, absolutely right. Cheese.

Le pasteque - you'd think it was pasta, wouldn't you?

If you didn't know anything, like me.

-It's watermelon.

-It's a... Ah, yeah.

Would have scored you 4 points. Well done to our four.

-La biere...

-Beer.

..is beer. Yeah.

That would have scored 70.

-Myrtille?

-Myrtille I think is a blackcurrant.

-Is that right?

-Well, it's a bilberry.

-It's a bilberry.

-Oh, right.

Much the same. 6 points for that.

So, watermelon, the best answer on the board.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our second round, I'm very sorry to say the pair

who are heading home with the high score of 169 is Jacqui and Paul.

-FRENCH ACCENT:

-Jacqui Abbott and Paul Heaton.

I'm afraid this is goodbye. It's been a treat having you here.

-Thank you.

-We were let down on our diet, really, weren't we?

We both pick things we stuff ourselves with.

When you're on tour in France,

what do you eat?

Oh, you send someone out...

-Cheese and sweets.

-Cheese and sweets!

-LAUGHTER

-There's your answer.

-It's all you need.

-APPLAUSE

But we're not really saying goodbye,

cos you're going to be playing us out at the end of the show...

-That's right, yeah.

-..which we are looking forward to so much.

-But thank you for playing.

-Thanks for having us.

Jacqui and Paul.

CHEERING

But for Sheila and Dana, Paul and Carol,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations Paul, Carol, Sheila, Dana -

you're now one step closer to the final,

and a chance to play for our jackpot,

which currently stands at £2,500.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

We've reached the point where we have to decide

who is going to go through to the final

and play for that money for their charities -

and to do that, we're going to make you go head-to-head.

The difference is, you can now have a chat before you give your answers,

you can confer, and the first pair to win two questions

will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns...

-SHEILA:

-Hah!

-CAROL:

-Aww.

Exactly. Aww. Animals In The Snow. Richard.

Yeah, we're going to show you five pictures now

of animals in the snow - I hope they're OK(!)

You just need to tell us what animals they are.

We'll give you some of the letters of their name to help you out.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, let's reveal our five pictures of animals in the snow!

-Aww.

-Aww!

-That's just in the snow, it's not...

-Yeah, that animal's fine.

-B!

-Aww!

-Again, fine in the snow, I think.

-Yeah.

-C...!

-Aww!

D.

And E.

Aww.

Look at that.

Thrilling. Well, listen, there we go.

Paul and Carol, you will go first.

-PAUL:

-I've got E and B.

(The only one I know is an arctic fox.)

Yeah, OK.

-Do you know E?

-Yeah.

-Clever boy. OK, you go first.

-Shall I go first, then?

OK, come on, then, Paul.

OK, I'm going to go with E,

which is a red panda.

A red panda - E, a red panda.

Now, then, Sheila and Dana, do you want to talk us through the board?

BOTH: No! LAUGHTER

-We're going to go with B.

-We'll try B...

..albino fox.

Albino fox.

I would say al-BY-no fox.

-Albino fox.

-Albino fox.

OK. So, red panda and albino fox.

Paul and Carol have gone for red panda for E.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 said red panda.

It's right.

-32.

-APPLAUSE

-Not bad at all. Well done, Paul.

-SHEILA:

-You know your animal world!

Sheila and Dana, meanwhile, have said that B is an albino fox.

An albino fox. Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

-Oh...

-Oh, my God!

I'm afraid not an...

My daughters will never speak to me again!

..albino fox, which means - well done, Paul and Carol,

after one question you're up 1-0.

Yeah, well played, Paul, there, terrific answer, red panda.

Yeah, not an albino or al-BY-no fox, it's actually an arctic fox.

Or an ERC-tic fox, as I know you call it, Sheila.

SHEILA LAUGHS

Now, let's take a look at the rest of them.

A... Well done if you got this, it's a terrific answer,

it's a snowshoe hare.

Snowshoe. Would have scored you 2 points.

C... Aww! Look at C.

..is a harp seal.

-PAUL:

-Oh, of course.

Would have scored you... That is cute, isn't it?

-That is.

-..26 points.

I mean, goodness me.

And D...is a pine marten,

and would have scored you 38 points.

So, red panda, terrific answer.

Thank you, Richard. So, here comes your second question.

Sheila and Dana, you get to answer this one first, which is good.

But you have to win it to stay in the game,

which is a bit of pressure.

OK, and our second question today concerns...

US TV Themes. Richard.

We're now going to play you five arrangements of different TV themes

from American shows - you just need to tell us the name of the shows.

Very best of luck.

OK, so, let's listen to our five US TV themes - and here they come.

We have...

A...

MUSIC: I'll Be There For You by The Rembrandts

B...

DRAMATIC '90s THEME PLAYS

C...

SWEEPING '80s THEME PLAYS

SHEILA WHISPERS

D...

LATIN-JAZZ THEME PLAYS

And E...

SLOW, CHIMING THEME PLAYS

-Is that it?

-That is it.

There are the five pieces of music.

Now, then, Sheila and Dana...

-We're going to go with C, which is...

-Dallas.

C, Dallas.

C, Dallas, say Sheila and Dana. C, Dallas.

Now, Paul and Carol, it's over to you.

Um, I think we know a couple of them,

but I think Paul's picked a really good one.

So, I'm going to let you be the master on this.

-Oh, thanks(!)

-No pressure.

I was going to go with B, and I think it's Law & Order.

Law & Order.

Law & Order.

So, we have Dallas and we have Law & Order.

Sheila and Dana said Dallas, let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said that for C.

Dallas for C.

It's right.

72.

-APPLAUSE

-Not bad, not bad.

I knew it.

So, Paul and Carol have said Law & Order for B.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, how many people said Law & Order?

-Oh, not Law & Order, I'm afraid.

-How?

Which means, Sheila and Dana, you're back in the game.

After two questions, it's 1-1.

Dallas actually the biggest scorer on the board,

so if you know any of the others, you would have won the point.

Let's have a listen to them. So, A is...

MUSIC: I'll Be There For You by The Rembrandts

..Friends. Would have scored you 51 points.

Would have seen you through to the final.

B, which you said was Law & Order...

-DRAMATIC '90s THEME PLAYS It's ER.

-Oh!

-Of course.

Damn.

Would have scored you 10. Now, D...

-CAROL:

-Sex And The City?

LATIN-JAZZ THEME PLAYS

-Sex And The City. CAROL:

-Yes!

And that would have scored you 9 points.

-Wow!

-Oh!

-Would have been a very good answer.

And the best answer on the board is E, which is....

SLOW, CHIMING THEME PLAYS

-Six Feet Under.

-Six Feet Under.

Absolutely.

-Would have scored you 5 points.

-That's not a theme tune,

that's just a "dong".

-SHEILA:

-Exactly! It's a "dong". Dong-key.

There we are.

OK, so, it all comes down to this - the decider, the third question.

Whoever wins this goes through to the final and plays for the jackpot.

Best of luck to both players. It concerns...

-The Number One.

-Yeah, simply going to show you five clues, now,

to facts about the number one.

Whichever team gives us the most obscure answer

is going through to play for the jackpot.

-So, very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

OK, let's reveal our five clues - and here they come.

We've got...

I'll read those all again.

Now, it's back to you, Paul and Carol, to start us off.

Oh...I know the detective lady novel and programme,

it's really good and I can't remember her name.

What about the decade in which the Beeb made its first broadcast?

-Well, I know...

-Would you say '50s?

-No, BBC Radio One, so their first song was...

-BBC Radio 1?

-Oh, sorry...

-..Blackberry Way, I believe.

OK, well, we're going to go for the 1960s as the decade

in which BBC Radio One made its first broadcast.

OK, the 1960s for Radio One.

Now, Sheila and Dana, the board is all yours.

Talk us through it if you can.

All right, the colour of the snooker ball worth one point...

What do you think?

-Blue? Red?

-They don't have yellow?

-Oh, they do. Do they have green?

-I don't know.

-So...

-Blue.

-Blue.

-OK, you're going to go with blue.

Blue. So, we have the 1960s and we have blue.

Now, Paul and Carol have said BBC Radio One

started broadcasting in the 1960s.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

THEY MUMBLE

-54 for the 1960s.

-APPLAUSE

Sheila and Dana, meanwhile, have said it's the blue ball

on the snooker table that's worth only one point.

Let's see if that's right.

Oh, Lord. Come on! Don't put me in suspense like this.

-Oh!

-Ahh.

I'm afraid not the blue ball.

Which means, after three questions, Paul and Carol, well done -

you are through to the final 2-1.

Well played, Paul and Carol.

Yeah, absolutely right, 1967 was the year as well.

Now, the snooker question, er...

You went through a lot!

-Er, it is, of course, red. Red is the answer.

-Oh, no.

-As only 74 of our 100 knew.

-They're so common.

So, you would have been knocked out anyway.

74 points for that.

Now, the Ghanaian-born musician -

he just did a brilliant duet with the Chuckle Brothers.

-Oh, is it Tinchy Stryder?

-It is, Tinchy Stryder.

Would have scored you one point.

Er, the chemical element is hydrogen.

Would have scored you 31.

And the author of The No.1 Ladies' Detective Agency novels...

-Alexander McCall Smith.

-Alexander McCall Smith,

for 16 points.

Thank you very much, Richard.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round -

-I'm afraid Dana, so close, there.

-I know.

-So close! But I'm afraid it was not to be this time.

-Well, thank you.

But Sheila, Dana, it's been a pleasure having you back.

-It has been.

-Thank you so much for coming and playing.

-Sheila and Dana, great contestants.

-APPLAUSE

But, for Paul and Carol, it's time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Paul and Carol, you've seen off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities,

and at the end of today's show the jackpot stands at £2,500.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

Well, very solid performance.

Very solid. I think the only misstep along the way was Law & Order.

-Still, who cares?

-Yeah!

-Here you are.

-Yes.

Now, it would be great to have a win here.

As always, you get to choose your category

from the four we put up on the board,

so let's hope there's something up there you like the look of.

Let's see what today's offering is. We have...

Word Endings...

-Yeah, I was going to say that as well.

-Yeah.

-Word Endings, I think.

-Word Endings, I think.

-Yeah, that feels all right.

-Word Endings.

-Word Endings it is.

-Richard.

-Yeah, it's a fun one, this - we're looking for any word

that has its own entry in the Oxford Dictionary of English which ends...

So, any word with its own entry

in the Oxford Dictionary of English that ends BBLE, DDLE or ZZLE.

Very best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers,

and all you need to win that money for your charities

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Ready.

OK, let's put 60 seconds

up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

-Um...

-Right, I think we should go for one of each...

-Yeah.

-..cos we stand a better chance of getting an obscure one.

My most obscure for BBLE

would be Hubble, the Hubble spacecraft.

-OK...

-What would yours be?

I'd have said hobble.

I think Hubble might be a little bit more obscure than hobble.

Can you name a thing?

Hubble? Is that a thing?

Does it have to be a description

of something you do, as opposed to naming a thing?

-Or dibble?

-I'd say hobble.

-Rabble.

-Do we have to guess within the 60 seconds

and actually say it?

-Do we?

-Do your thinking in the 60 seconds.

-Ah, right.

-OK.

-I'd say...

-For each one.

-OK...

-OK, you want Hubble...

Which one out of all those?

-I'd have said hobble, but if you want Hubble, fine.

-Yeah.

-And then I would say... for the next one...

-Yeah?

I'd say diddle, as in con somebody.

-Yeah, which is more obscure than fiddle, I suppose.

-Yeah.

-And then we've got...dazzle...

-Ten seconds left.

Or drizzle.

Yeah, drizzle.

-Or fizzle.

-Fizzle.

Maybe drizzle.

Yeah...

Or...kibble. The top - kibble is food.

Really weird food, kibble.

-Yes...

-OK, that's your time up.

What three answers are you going to give me?

Kibble for the top one?

-Yeah, I think so.

-Kibble.

-Kibble.

-I'm thinking diddle for the middle one.

-Yes. Yeah.

-Diddle, as in con somebody.

-Diddle.

-Mm-hm.

-Go on, you pick one for the bottom one.

Let's go with drizzle - it's more foodie.

-Drizzle.

-Drizzle.

-We like our food.

So, we have kibble, we have...

-Diddle.

-..diddle,

-and we have drizzle.

-Yeah.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-First one, I think.

-Kibble.

-Kibble.

-Least likely to be pointless?

-Probably...drizzle.

OK, drizzle goes first, and we put the other one in the middle.

Diddle and then kibble.

OK, let's put those up on the board in that order -

and here they are.

Very best of luck.

Three great answers up there.

If you win that jackpot,

what will the charities be that you're playing for?

For me, it will be Children with Cancer,

which has been my chosen charity since about '87.

-OK. Carol?

-Medecins Sans Frontieres,

cos they're doing such a stand-up job all around the world.

Well, they always do, but particularly at the moment,

with Ebola and everything, or war-torn countries at the moment.

-They're fantastic. Love 'em.

-Well, good for you -

-two great charities there.

-APPLAUSE

Let us hope that at least one of those answers is pointless

so you can take that money and share it between those two charities.

Best of luck, as I said. Drizzle was your first answer -

the one you thought was least likely to be pointless.

Only one of them has to be pointless for you to win.

Let's find out. For £2,500, how many people said drizzle?

It's right.

Down it goes, through the 60s.

If this goes all the way down to zero you will leave here right now

with £2,500.

30 for drizzle.

APPLAUSE

OK, so, no pointless answer with your first one.

Your second, though, was diddle.

Now it's beginning to get a bit more exciting, I think.

It has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot.

So, let's find out, for £2,500, how many people said diddle?

It's right.

Your first answer, drizzle, took us down to 30.

Diddle now taking us down through the 30s,

-passes 30, down through the 20s, 13!

-Oh!

APPLAUSE

-13 for diddle.

-Obviously a lot of people have been diddled.

-Yeah.

-It's got to be kibble.

-OK.

Only one more shot at today's jackpot.

But this was a late arrival,

came in just about two seconds before your time was up.

But let's see - kibble.

How many of our 100 people said it? For £2,500, is it pointless?

It's right. That's the first thing it had to be.

Your first answer, drizzle, scored 30.

Your second answer, diddle, scored 13.

Kibble passes 13, down it goes, single figures, still going down...

-Down it goes - still going - oh, no!

-Oh, no!

-2 for kibble.

-Can you believe it?!

God, there's some really annoying people out there!

I'm so sorry. Unfortunately, two people said kibble.

-Where are they?

-Yeah!

I'm afraid that means

you didn't find that all-important pointless answer,

so you don't win today's jackpot of £2,500.

However, as this is a celebrity special,

we are going to donate £500 to each pair

to split between their respective charities. So there we are.

APPLAUSE

We have absolutely loved having you back on the show.

-It's been a real treat to see you.

-Thank you.

And you get to take home a Pointless trophy each, so there you are.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, it's been an absolute joy having you back on.

There's some lovely words here - I know you don't want to hear them,

but there are some lovely words on the list.

Now, diddle was an interesting one, because you both tour a lot,

and if any of your drummers were with us...

-BOTH:

-Paradiddle.

-..they would have said paradiddle,

-and they would have won you the money.

-Oh!

It was pointless, paradiddle.

-I bet you'd have said paradiddle, wouldn't you?

-Mm-hm.

-Yep. I thought so(!)

-Of course.

I thought as much.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the other categories.

Start with BBLE.

Knobble, with a K.

Psychobabble is a pointless answer,

squabble is a pointless answer,

very good one if you went for that. Technobabble.

There's lots that don't sound like they're real words, but they are.

You could have had drabble, fribble, grabble, gribble or nubble.

Well done if you got any of those.

-Aren't they in Camberwick Green?

-LAUGHTER

Hardscrabble, also a word there, would have been a lovely one.

DDLE - as well as paradiddle you could have had...

mollycoddle...that's a lovely word.

Packsaddle, skedaddle or unsaddle.

All of those terrific answers. Well done if you got those.

Let's take a look at the ZZLEs.

Embezzle is a pointless answer, well done if you said that.

Mozzle, which is an Australian word.

Shemozzle, which is a state of chaos and confusion, or to unmuzzle.

Terrific work if you got any of those at home.

And kibble was a great answer.

When you look at some of the ones that were pointless -

-squabble, embezzle, then kibble was unlucky, I think.

-Yeah.

But well done if you got it at home -

-and thank you for coming back, you've been terrific.

-Thank you.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you,

but it's been fabulous having you on the show.

Thank you so much for playing. Paul and Carol.

APPLAUSE

-Well done, darling.

-Join us next time,

when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

But first, playing us out with their new single,

it's Paul Heaton and Jacqui Abbott.

CHEERING

MUSIC: Real Hope by Paul Heaton & Jacqui Abbott

# She wanted her face to be famous

# So she dragged it off down to the smoke

# Where she went on a show where they turn dreams to gold

# And give real people false hope

# She needed the comfort She needed the cheer

# Her children had all flown the nest

# She desperately wanted to change her career

# To the thing that she felt she did best

# Giving real hope to false people

# Telling the world it can sing

# False hope to real folk

# You can sing, you can sing you can sing

# He worked in a shop where they hated his guts

# And lived in a house just the same

# And all that he ever requested in life

# Was no swearword prefixing his name

# He wanted the glory He wanted the fame

# In limelight he wanted to soak

# So he saved up the money and boarded the train

# To where they give plastic people real hope

# Giving real hope to false people

# Telling the world it can sing

# False hope to real folk

# You can sing, you can sing you can sing

# If you want it Don't tell us about it

# And if you don't get it, don't cry

# Just do as they say

# And follow your dreams

# A fool with the wings of a fly

# A fool with the wings of a fly

# Giving real hope to false people

# Telling the world it can sing

# False hope to real folk

# You can sing, you can sing you can sing

# Telling the world it can sing

# You can sing, you can sing you can sing. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE