New Year's Eve Show The Graham Norton Show


New Year's Eve Show

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Transcript


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-It's New Year's Eve!

-Yes, it is.

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-I'm James McAvoy.

-I'm Michael Fassbender.

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BOTH: Welcome to The Graham Norton Show!

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Oh! Oh! Yes!

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Hello!

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Hello! Oh!

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Hi, everybody! Hi, hi, hi. Welcome.

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It's New Year's Eve!

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Yay!

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Oh! Thank you very much.

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So, did everyone have a nice Christmas?

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-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

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I thought as much.

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It's over so quick, isn't it?

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It seems like only yesterday I was putting the tree up.

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It actually was yesterday.

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Did anyone wake up Christmas morning and find an old man with a beard

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at the bottom of their bed? Because if you did, sorry about that.

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I got drunk, forgot where I live.

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I'm joking, of course.

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I took things very easy this year.

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I limited myself to just one nice bottle of wine

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that I got delivered to my house. Yeah.

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It was delicious!

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2016, wow!

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It will go down in history as a year of world-changing events.

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We voted to leave the EU, Donald Trump became US President

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and, at that point, we felt,

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well, at least nothing else THAT disturbing could happen in politics.

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We were wrong.

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Brexit, Trump, Ed Balls -

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when will the world learn? Don't give us a vote, don't trust us.

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Listen, we've got some great guests joining us tonight

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to help see the year out. Later on,

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we'll say hello to two of my favourite people of the year.

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Irish Olympic rowing heroes, Gary and Paul O'Donovan will be here.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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If you've seen them, you'll know that I can't wait to meet them.

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They're just fantastic. And, like all good New Year's Eve parties,

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it'll all go Pete Tong at the end.

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Yes, Pete Tong and the Heritage Orchestra are here.

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Yeah! But let's get some guests on.

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He's one of the nation's favourite comedians

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and will be kicking off 2017 with a new series of Room 101.

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It's always a pleasure to welcome back Frank Skinner!

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Hey!

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Hello, sir.

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Lovely to see you. Frank Skinner.

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No Hogmanay is complete without a Scotsman on the sofa.

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We love this BAFTA-winning actor as Professor X in the X-Men movies

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and now he's in the psychological thriller Split.

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It's James McAvoy!

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Hello, sir. Lovely to see you. Have a seat, do.

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This French actress has starred in films like Inception,

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The Dark Knight Rises and an Oscar-winning turn in La Vie En Rose.

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It's bienvenue and bonne annee to Marion Cotillard!

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Hello. How are you?

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Mwah and mwah - showbiz kissing.

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Say hello.

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And he's played everyone, from X-Men's Magneto,

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to Steve Jobs, to Macbeth

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and now he's kickin' ass in the new action fantasy Assassin's Creed.

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It's Michael Fassbender!

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Hello! How are you doing? Lovely to see you.

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Come in, sit down.

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Look at that sofa. It's like a joke, though. It's like an Irishman, a Scotsman,

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an Englishman and a French actress walk into a bar.

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It's a great line-up, but this is what Ringo must have felt like.

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And these are the other ones.

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You stop it, Frank. You stop it.

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-Your movie career's ahead of you.

-Yeah.

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Now, did everyone have a nice Christmas?

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-Amazing.

-Pretty magical.

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LAUGHTER

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Marion, what was the best present you got?

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-LAUGHTER

-Er...

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Salt. Salt and pepper.

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-Very nice. You can always use salt.

-Music or seasoning?

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-Yeah, absolutely.

-Music or seasoning?

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-Music?

-Come on. Salt-N-Pepa. # Mix it up one time. #

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Anybody?

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-Nobody.

-Let's Talk About Sex?

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-Nobody.

-It was not music.

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Your English is flawless, but if there's any problems with anything

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anyone's saying, Frank Skinner happily speaks fluent French.

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Amazing!

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Do you?

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Um...well, it's been my New Year's resolution to learn French

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since 1986.

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I call it the French resolution.

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So, I have...

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I have had lessons, I've got all the books, the tapes

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and I go hard at it until about mid-February.

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And then I get... You know what it's like with French.

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It falls away.

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It's a beautiful language.

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And, you know... One of my favourite phrases is,

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I don't know if you're familiar with this,

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it's... It's tout le monde sur le balcon.

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I'll see you on the balcony?

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-Are you talking about boobs?

-Yes.

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Or perhaps you'd like to explain it, Marion?

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Yeah, well... But it's not the exact sentence.

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-No.

-Your book, get rid of it.

-I didn't imagine for a second it would be.

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It's, il y a du monde au balcon.

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-OK.

-There are a lot of people on the balcony.

-Yes.

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Oh...

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If a woman's got a low-cut dress on, that's what French people say.

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"There's a lot of people on the balcony tonight."

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-They're all wanting a fag, though.

-Yeah!

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I love it, though. I've used it many times.

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Wrongly, as it turns out.

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Listen, we are... We can't lie,

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we are recording this a little in advance.

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So, what will you actually be doing on New Year's Eve?

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Are you going to be in Ireland? Are there German traditions?

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I'm going to try and be on a beach, if I can make it, um...

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You're Magneto, you'll be fine.

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-Exactly.

-No, cos in your household, because your father's German,

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did you have German New Year's traditions and things?

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Not really. I guess the main difference is

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that you open your presents on Christmas Eve,

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-as opposed to Christmas morning.

-OK.

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But New Year's, we...

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Most of the time, I was working at the restaurant,

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because my parents had a restaurant,

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so, on New Year's Eve, we were doing that, which was...

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a family event of sorts.

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I once spent New Year's Eve alone and I went out onto the balcony,

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actually...

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-Like a real balcony?

-She was a fabulous woman.

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No, a real balcony

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and I could hear people singing Auld Lang Syne,

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and I was on my own in my darkened flat.

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And I realised I was actually doing that.

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It was such a sad thing.

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Really sad, slow, Gangnam Style?

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Listen, well, I'm glad we've cleared up what we're all doing.

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So, let's talk about our first film tonight.

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Michael and Marion together in Assassin's Creed.

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It's out tomorrow, January 1st.

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I should say there's loud explosions in it, so maybe go later in the day.

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Now, obviously, it's based on a video game and, apparently,

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100 million copies of this game have been sold.

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So, you only really need a few of those people to go to your movie.

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That's what I said.

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-So, you've never played the game before?

-No.

-Marion?

-No.

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Have you played it now?

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-I have.

-I haven't.

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-Was it helpful? No?

-Yes.

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It was helpful for me because, basically,

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there's a lot of parkour in the game, which is, I guess,

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-kind of urban gymnastics.

-Yeah, yeah.

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And, so, it's a lot of that.

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Basically, the action takes place in the regression.

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We go back to 15th-century Spain, the Spanish Inquisition.

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And, so, by hooking up to this machine, called the animus,

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we can... It's sort of like, I guess, a genetic DeLorean.

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It's like a genetic time machine that allows you to go back

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to various times in history

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and, through your ancestor, relive their experiences.

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-So Marion's trying to locate...

-You're more the science-y person.

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-Yes.

-Here comes the science part.

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The science part is working with the animus

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and using people, as Callum Lynch, played by Michael, to...

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to help her reach this goal in finding the Apple of Eden

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where the code she is searching for is.

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And why are they doing that?

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I have no idea.

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Listen, we've got a clip of Assassin's Creed.

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This is the two of you and you're about to enter the animus,

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which is the big machine that takes you back for the first time.

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What is it?

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I'm sorry, Cal, this is not the way I like to do things.

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Then don't do it.

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CAL SCREAMS

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What do you want from me?

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Your past.

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Listen to me carefully, Cal.

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You're about to enter the animus.

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What you're about to see, hear and feel

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are the memories of someone who's been dead for 500 years.

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Wait a minute...

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Synchronisation achieved.

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Commence regression.

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Oh!

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And...as I was saying, lots of...

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lots of action sequences and stunts and everything.

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And, Michael Fassbender, you learnt some special skills,

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-I believe, for this film.

-That's right.

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As I was saying, the parkour elements,

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so I got to perfect the roly-poly.

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Now, you must have known how to do a roly-poly at one time in your life?

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-Think you could do one?

-Not now. I'm 53!

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But when I was 13, I could do a roly-poly.

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-You think you can do a roly-poly...

-No, I have tried.

-That's right.

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What is it? I don't know what is it.

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Roly-poly, it's a head over heels... thing.

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-Oh, yeah.

-Do you want to see?

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Oh, yes! Yeah! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Well, I might tear the suit, though, that's the problem.

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-You have to do it with me.

-But I can't do it!

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-Yes, you can.

-No, look, no...

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I will look... I will look...

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AUDIENCE CHEER

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I will look... I will look like...

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It will look like abuse in a nursing home.

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It will look like you've just...

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you've dragged someone out of bed

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and you're kicking them down the corridor.

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We have to show Marion how exactly it works.

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-You do it first.

-OK.

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So, basically... I'm going to end up off the stage.

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Don't do that. Are you going to do a really fancy one?

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No. So, basically, you have to keep your hand...

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I could never do that!

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-Never do that!

-Try it.

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No, no. I used to do it... I thought you were just going to do that thing

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where you do that and you just roll over.

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-But then you hurt yourself.

-I could never do that!

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Place your forearm down first and then tuck your head over.

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-I can't do that.

-Try it.

-I'll die!

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This is awful. What do I do?

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I'll just stand here in case you go off the edge.

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But I wasn't really paying attention.

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So, you...

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Hand, forearm and then tuck your shoulder over and stay on that side,

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don't go straight down your spine.

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Hand, arm and then just tuck your head.

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-OK.

-Don't think about it too much.

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Hand... Hang on. Hand, arm, and then I'll just go over?

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-This bit here.

-Yeah.

-Hand, this bit, and then just roll over.

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-I won't get over.

-Yeah, you will.

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That wasn't it.

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That wasn't it!

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That was amazing.

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New Year's resolution.

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I got to see something there from a third person's point of view

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of something that I've been a part of many, many times,

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which is I'm saying to Michael, "I don't think I can keep going."

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And you're, like, "Yeah, you can."

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Just really quietly and confidently telling you you can until you do.

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It looked like an advert for Injury Lawyers 4U.

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Have you had an accident at work?

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Yes, I have!

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No, because the two of you work together,

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so you have kind of done fights and...

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We've actually fought each other.

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-We have, yes.

-A couple of times.

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You have noticed that Michael fights in a particular way.

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-No, he makes certain noises when he fights.

-Oh! This again!

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-I know what you're talking about.

-You know what I'm talking about? Why, what do you know?

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Because he works out all the time on set and he makes a lot of noise.

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I've boxed with Michael.

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I've never BOXED with Michael, but I've been around Michael

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while he's on the pads and then we take it in turns on the pads.

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And you sound like Ricky Hatton in that you sound like

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you're having it off with somebody, but, like, really energetically.

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-You're like...

-HE GROANS REPEATEDLY

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My model was always Monica Seles.

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I don't know where the Ricky Hatton came from.

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Yeah, I don't know. I'm vocal when I sort of...

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It helps me breathe, to be honest.

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-That's why I do it.

-To make the noise?

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-Yeah.

-But does he make the noise all the time, Marion?

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Yeah, and sometimes you don't really know what he's doing.

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Don't you, Marion?

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-It all burns calories.

-When you knock on his trailer door and you say, "What are you doing in there?"

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-Does he go...

-IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE:

-.."I'm working out"?

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Oh, I didn't remember this!

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-Yeah.

-You guys have talked about the X-Men set, the games you play

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and, like, the last X-Men...

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That's my constipation look.

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But in this last X-Men movie, you did a new game,

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which just... None of these games sound fun to me,

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but you obviously like them.

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Well, it's... You kind of get sort of drawn into them.

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It's not that they're enjoyable.

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They're quite...nerve-wracking at times.

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The slapping game just sounds like...

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Cos you're just slapping people.

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The game is that you do a shot, don't you?

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And then, right after you take the shot,

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-you get slapped in the face.

-Yeah.

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So, wait a minute, do you buy the person the shot,

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they drink it and then you slap them?

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What are you talking about?

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This is New Year, people are buying me drinks.

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No. No, it's just... You pour it each and you both have one,

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and you both get hit. Yeah.

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Whoohoo! I know. I know.

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-Fun!

-Although it did lead to employment for me, which was good.

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-How did this happen?

-Remember that party we were at in San Diego,

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-at Comic Con?

-Didn't you knock someone out there?

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Shut up!

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James is never coming on the show with Michael again.

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Anyway... During the particular...

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I've never felt less male in my life.

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During the particular open-handed strike that you're talking about,

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the director of the film that I'm on to talk about tonight, Split,

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M Night Shyamalan, saw all that going down, and he was, like,

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"Hey, that's the bald guy that I should get for my film."

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And, so, he invited me over and was, like, "Hey, man, I like your style.

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"Do you want to come and have a chat sometime?"

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I was, like, "OK, cool. See you!"

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Then we made a movie with each other,

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-because of that moment.

-That's amazing!

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Well, I can sort of see why because, actually, we should talk about it.

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The new movie, Split, it opens on the 20th of January

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and it's a terrific kind of creepy thriller,

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and it does play into that lunatic you were in the bar that night.

0:16:270:16:31

-Right.

-Because you play a very complicated character.

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No, I do. He's a guy who suffers from dissociative identity disorder,

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so he has, within one body, 23 people share that body.

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And during the film, as much as the advertising material says,

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"James McAvoy will play 23 people!"

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I don't. The character's got 23, I play nine.

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That's still quite impressive when you think about it, OK?

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I even said to the people at Universal,

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"You might as well say James flies in this movie," and then I don't,

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do you know what I mean?

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Whatever. So...

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part of it is that he has to take some young girls and...

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and they are to, in some way, energise him.

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So, it sounds really creepy and horrible.

0:17:180:17:21

-No, it is.

-And it is, but it's also really funny as well.

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I don't know if you'll use one of the funny bits or the creepy bits,

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but it is quite daft and funny at times as well,

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which I'm quite proud of, really.

0:17:300:17:32

Cos it's always good fun to do that, sort of, like, it's creepy,

0:17:320:17:35

it's scary, you think everybody's going to die,

0:17:350:17:38

and then you go "Wakawakawaka," at the same time. I quite like that.

0:17:380:17:41

Do you get more money

0:17:410:17:42

-for playing someone with multiple personality disorder?

-I actually...

0:17:420:17:46

Cos they're getting nine characters out of you for the same money.

0:17:460:17:49

Yes, yeah.

0:17:490:17:51

You do nine times the amount of work for just not very much pay, but...

0:17:510:17:56

Don't get me wrong, it was nice pay.

0:17:560:17:59

You know, it was a very low budget film, but it was still nice pay.

0:17:590:18:02

But, yeah, you've got nine times the amount of characters to build

0:18:020:18:05

in the same amount of time it usually takes you

0:18:050:18:07

to struggle to make one. So there was times where I was really worried

0:18:070:18:10

and there was times where I was a bit scared, but, yeah,

0:18:100:18:12

the director's an amazing director, and he's one of the most...

0:18:120:18:16

sort of clued up on his own stuff that I've ever worked with,

0:18:160:18:20

so that was actually really helpful.

0:18:200:18:21

We've got a clip. This is you as Barry, the fashion designer,

0:18:210:18:25

-talking to your psychiatrist.

-Right.

0:18:250:18:28

Who are you?

0:18:280:18:29

Barry.

0:18:340:18:35

I don't think you are.

0:18:370:18:38

I've developed a nose for sensing

0:18:400:18:42

whom I'm talking to and whom I'm not.

0:18:420:18:45

Have I done something?

0:18:460:18:47

You've e-mailed for an unscheduled appointment

0:18:470:18:50

two days in a row.

0:18:500:18:52

I'm just feeling overwhelmed.

0:18:520:18:54

Garden variety issues.

0:18:540:18:56

I think Orwell or Jade or Samuel or Heinrich had the light for a moment

0:18:570:19:03

and e-mailed me, and you're here to tell me everything's OK.

0:19:030:19:07

I e-mailed you.

0:19:070:19:09

May I talk to one of them, please?

0:19:110:19:13

That can't happen.

0:19:180:19:19

Good. Good.

0:19:220:19:24

I can't wait to see that, man.

0:19:270:19:29

Actors talk about, you know, taking their characters home with them,

0:19:290:19:32

so in a movie like this, is that worse or better?

0:19:320:19:35

Because you can't take them all home.

0:19:350:19:37

It's worse. It's worse, it's worse.

0:19:370:19:39

Luckily, weirdly, I was playing a guy that, essentially,

0:19:390:19:44

is 24 guys and a couple of them want to do terrible things to people.

0:19:440:19:49

And I was able to just go home and watch cartoons with my kid

0:19:490:19:52

and be all right, which is weird. It says a lot about me, I think.

0:19:520:19:55

The only time I've ever had trouble - and you guys might have something to say on this -

0:19:550:19:59

the only time I've ever had trouble in my entire career

0:19:590:20:01

was when I played Macbeth on stage and people said

0:20:010:20:04

that I was pretty, um...

0:20:040:20:06

I wasn't my usual self and I wasn't necessarily much fun

0:20:060:20:10

to be around when I came home.

0:20:100:20:13

Because when you won the Oscar, Marion, for Edith Piaf,

0:20:130:20:17

in La Vie En Rose - which is an amazing performance -

0:20:170:20:19

but I've heard you in interviews talking about...

0:20:190:20:21

which seems like that was a character you couldn't shake.

0:20:210:20:23

Yeah, that was the first time I had trouble getting...

0:20:230:20:26

rid of her,

0:20:260:20:28

which I was very ashamed of, I have to say,

0:20:280:20:31

because I thought, "It's a job, I'm an actress,

0:20:310:20:34

"I shouldn't be affected by any of my roles,"

0:20:340:20:38

but I had spent six months, more than six months with her

0:20:380:20:45

and I really entered another dimension.

0:20:450:20:48

I didn't see my friends and family for this amount of time

0:20:480:20:52

because when I would see them,

0:20:520:20:54

they would find me weird and I didn't like it.

0:20:540:20:58

Well, first of all I was weird because I was shaved,

0:20:580:21:01

my eyebrows were shaved and my hair was shaved

0:21:010:21:06

but, yeah, it took me a while to just...

0:21:060:21:10

because the thing, when you do a movie,

0:21:100:21:12

you spend a lot of time with this person

0:21:120:21:15

you fell in love with, in a way, and then the last cut...

0:21:150:21:20

is... I mean, you'll never share, you know, your life

0:21:200:21:25

with this person any more.

0:21:250:21:28

So, sometimes it can be kind of brutal, but...

0:21:280:21:32

but I'm fine now.

0:21:320:21:33

LAUGHTER

0:21:330:21:35

Not to traumatise you, but watching the movie,

0:21:350:21:38

it is unbelievable that it's not you singing,

0:21:380:21:42

that you lip-synced everything.

0:21:420:21:44

That was the hardest part of the preparation, actually.

0:21:440:21:48

It's very technical, it's super-boring.

0:21:480:21:51

One part was not that boring,

0:21:510:21:53

because I wanted to take singing lessons,

0:21:530:21:55

even though I wouldn't sing, but I needed to learn her technique

0:21:550:22:00

and I wanted to learn how to position my tongue,

0:22:000:22:04

how to position myself,

0:22:040:22:06

the breathing and everything, because it had to be realistic.

0:22:060:22:10

If you don't believe I'm singing,

0:22:100:22:12

then you can throw the movie in the garbage.

0:22:120:22:15

I mean, it's pretty horrible.

0:22:150:22:18

Can I say, I'm gutted.

0:22:180:22:19

I absolutely thought it was you singing in the movie.

0:22:190:22:22

It's so convincing.

0:22:220:22:24

I cried so much at that film.

0:22:240:22:26

It's a really good film.

0:22:260:22:27

And then Graham asked hopefully, can you still do the lip-syncing?

0:22:270:22:31

-I don't know.

-If we play a bit, do you think you can do it?

0:22:310:22:35

Oh, shit!

0:22:350:22:36

It's in French, what will we know?

0:22:380:22:40

I know, but I had, I had...

0:22:400:22:42

because...my teeth,

0:22:420:22:45

I mean, the teeth I have in the movie, you know, I wore this...

0:22:450:22:49

I don't know how you call it - "dentiers", the teeth thing.

0:22:490:22:52

-Yes. Dentures.

-I had...den..?

0:22:520:22:54

-Dentures.

-Dentures.

0:22:540:22:56

Wallies.

0:22:560:22:57

-What?

-We would call them wallies up the road.

0:22:570:23:00

-Wallies?

-Wallies.

0:23:000:23:02

Not wollies, wallies.

0:23:020:23:03

-Wallies.

-Wallies, wallies.

0:23:030:23:06

Wallies.

0:23:060:23:07

I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't understand that!

0:23:070:23:10

If we play a bit and you try it, if it's terrible, we'll cut it out

0:23:100:23:14

and if it's marvellous, we'll all clap and cheer.

0:23:140:23:17

-MICHAEL:

-Perfect.

0:23:170:23:19

It's like the roly-poly.

0:23:190:23:20

APPLAUSE

0:23:200:23:22

Come on!

0:23:220:23:23

-It's...

-The thing is...

-OK...

0:23:230:23:25

You know there's a whole physicality that comes with it

0:23:250:23:29

and...and...I'm pregnant.

0:23:290:23:31

Are you standing or sitting? Sitting, sitting.

0:23:310:23:34

-Oh, no, I will sit.

-Sit? OK.

-Are you kidding?

0:23:340:23:37

Already, already seated.

0:23:370:23:39

-It's like, "Ooh-hoo!"

-I think what we've got lined up

0:23:390:23:41

is towards the end of Je Ne Regrette Rien.

0:23:410:23:45

-OK.

-Can I have a vodka?

0:23:450:23:47

-No, you can't.

-Yeah, shall we all do a shot?

-No, I can't!

0:23:470:23:50

OK, roll it, roll it, there. Roll it.

0:23:530:23:55

# ..ca m'est bien egale

0:23:550:23:59

# Non, rien de rien

0:23:590:24:04

# Non, je ne regrette rien

0:24:040:24:09

# Car ma vie

0:24:090:24:12

# Car mes joies

0:24:120:24:15

# Aujourd'hui

0:24:150:24:17

# Ca commence avec toi. #

0:24:180:24:24

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:24:240:24:28

Wow!

0:24:290:24:31

That was so good!

0:24:310:24:33

It's so weird.

0:24:350:24:36

-That was so good.

-It was so weird.

0:24:370:24:40

You know, because this face, I mean, it's...

0:24:410:24:44

-Oh, that was so weird.

-But you could see it in your eyes and everything.

0:24:440:24:47

-It was fabulous. That was really good.

-I've actually...

0:24:470:24:50

I've gone a bit. I'll be honest. I really have.

0:24:500:24:52

-I honestly...

-He's got glassy eyes!

-I honestly have. That was beautiful.

0:24:520:24:55

-It was amazing.

-I love Edith Piaf.

0:24:550:24:58

I have a signed record of Edith Piaf on my wall.

0:24:580:25:03

I went to her grave in Paris to put flowers on her grave.

0:25:030:25:06

-Oh, wow!

-I think she's amazing.

0:25:060:25:08

So, that was... I am actually a little bit teary.

0:25:080:25:11

-All right...

-Thank you.

0:25:120:25:14

Thank you!

0:25:140:25:16

Frank Skinner is back with a new season of Room 101.

0:25:160:25:18

It returns to BBC on Friday nights, it starts on the 13th of January -

0:25:180:25:22

and presumably it's a winning formula.

0:25:220:25:24

You're not going to change it. It's the same formula.

0:25:240:25:26

No, this is series six of this particular form of it

0:25:260:25:30

so, no, it does well, so we're milking it.

0:25:300:25:34

Just in case, Marion, do you know what Room 101 is?

0:25:350:25:38

I've heard about it.

0:25:380:25:40

-So you know that it's...

-It's pretty cool.

0:25:400:25:42

-It is.

-You pick things you hate and then I put them in a vault

0:25:420:25:46

-if you argue your case well.

-Yeah! Amazing.

0:25:460:25:49

What are some of the things that go in Room 101 this time?

0:25:490:25:52

Catherine Tate chose minimiser bras, which I...

0:25:520:25:56

-No, who knew?

-Anyone?

0:25:560:25:58

I didn't know they... I actually wear minimiser pants.

0:25:580:26:02

The idea is if a woman has got... tout le monde sur le balcon...

0:26:020:26:08

LAUGHTER

0:26:080:26:10

-I know that's an approximation.

-It's still wrong.

0:26:100:26:12

She can wear something that squeezes all that in and redistributes.

0:26:120:26:17

It's a sort of Communist theory. Re...

0:26:170:26:20

Redistribution of wealth.

0:26:200:26:23

So, it gives you, like, a...

0:26:230:26:25

it gets rid of your back ripples and everything.

0:26:250:26:28

It just moves... It moves stuff about.

0:26:280:26:30

And did that go in Room 101 or not?

0:26:300:26:32

I... No, I fought it, I think.

0:26:320:26:36

Nigel Havers wanted to put Christmas in.

0:26:360:26:39

-THEY GASP

-Oh, wow!

0:26:390:26:41

But, you know - Havers gotta hate.

0:26:410:26:42

MUTED LAUGHTER

0:26:420:26:44

Mate, that was better than that.

0:26:460:26:48

I know, you get used to it.

0:26:490:26:51

Obviously Room 101 is very popular - but you did...

0:26:540:26:57

This is terrible. You did have an incident at a charity event.

0:26:570:27:01

Yes, what I did was, I...

0:27:010:27:04

It was a very good cause, and I put up four tickets

0:27:040:27:07

to come and see the recording of Room 101,

0:27:070:27:10

and the auctioneer said, "Right, let's start at £1,000.

0:27:100:27:13

"Come on, £1,000.

0:27:130:27:16

"Come on." Now, when the auctioneer is saying, "Come on"...

0:27:160:27:18

..the first bid - and then I realised

0:27:200:27:22

the horror of putting something up that no-one wants.

0:27:220:27:26

No!

0:27:260:27:27

Anyway, somebody did, to be fair,

0:27:270:27:29

they eventually did pay £1,000, with a lot of moral blackmail,

0:27:290:27:32

so I sort of felt OK.

0:27:320:27:34

And then afterwards, a guy came up to me and said,

0:27:340:27:36

"That was terrible with the tickets."

0:27:360:27:38

I said, "Yeah." He said, "Just...

0:27:380:27:40

"don't feel bad about it. A lot of these people,

0:27:400:27:42

"they weren't living here in the '90s,

0:27:420:27:44

"so they don't know who you are."

0:27:440:27:46

AUDIENCE: Ohh!

0:27:460:27:48

LAUGHTER

0:27:480:27:49

That is so tough.

0:27:530:27:54

A woman came up to me and said, "My husband, he loves you,

0:27:560:27:59

"can I have a photo?" I said, you know, "Sure."

0:27:590:28:01

So I did the photo. She said, "He loves you."

0:28:010:28:03

She said, "I'm not interested in cars."

0:28:030:28:06

And I thought, it's one of the Top Gear, but which...?

0:28:090:28:12

And then her mate said, "What are you taking a picture of him for?"

0:28:120:28:16

"And she said, "You know, Top Gear."

0:28:160:28:18

She said, "No, he's that comedian bloke,"

0:28:180:28:21

and she actually deleted it in front of me.

0:28:210:28:25

LAUGHTER

0:28:250:28:27

She... She could have kept that just for the anecdote, you know?

0:28:270:28:31

And it was that, "Lose that..."

0:28:310:28:33

Wasn't even going to tell her husband it had happened.

0:28:330:28:36

I'll tell you what, we've got a taste of the new series

0:28:370:28:40

of Room 101. Here it is.

0:28:400:28:42

Taylor Swift,

0:28:420:28:44

her legs are insured for £26.5 million.

0:28:440:28:49

-Is this true?

-Yes.

0:28:500:28:51

-Who's... Who's doing it?

-Well...

0:28:510:28:54

Who do you ring?

0:28:540:28:55

I don't think her legs are any better than my legs.

0:28:550:28:58

Honestly, I think my legs are that good.

0:28:580:29:01

Yeah - can we see them?

0:29:010:29:02

There's Taylor Swift. Here's me.

0:29:020:29:04

I think, arguably, my legs are better than hers.

0:29:060:29:10

-They're not your legs.

-They are my legs!

0:29:100:29:13

-I swear to you.

-They're so shiny.

0:29:130:29:15

-I know, well, I've oiled them.

-You've oiled them?!

0:29:150:29:18

If you cover the top half up, it's really...

0:29:180:29:21

I don't know what I'm thinking any more, Frank.

0:29:210:29:23

On the left, those legs are 26.5 million quid's worth.

0:29:250:29:28

What are mine worth? Nothing.

0:29:280:29:29

Have you put the pants over the top of the lace thing?

0:29:290:29:33

That is a border for my pants.

0:29:330:29:36

Oh, wow! OK, it's a slightly different garment.

0:29:360:29:38

I'm glad... Not many people would look at that

0:29:380:29:41

and talk about the pants.

0:29:410:29:42

APPLAUSE

0:29:420:29:44

Good!

0:29:460:29:47

When I look at that picture,

0:29:490:29:51

I can't help thinking that if that was someone else's legs

0:29:510:29:55

that was female, I'd find it slightly arousing...

0:29:550:29:58

..and that's weird that it's my legs.

0:30:000:30:02

It makes me think that if I was, you know, on a desert island,

0:30:020:30:05

I could just look at my own legs a lot.

0:30:050:30:07

Yeah. Well, you could.

0:30:070:30:09

Just put some high heels on and look down.

0:30:090:30:11

-There you go. Yeah.

-You don't want to be rescued, though.

0:30:110:30:13

The explaining you have to do to the rescuers.

0:30:130:30:16

Listen, very quickly,

0:30:160:30:18

your other show which is starting on the 24th of January, 8pm on Sky.

0:30:180:30:23

It's the Portrait Artist Of The Year.

0:30:230:30:25

-So, Landscape is done.

-On Sky Arts.

0:30:250:30:27

I presented with Baroness Joan Bakewell.

0:30:270:30:29

I wish I had a story about us wrestling behind the scenes

0:30:290:30:32

-or doing weights.

-Doing shots and slapping each other.

0:30:320:30:35

It's an amazing programme.

0:30:360:30:38

Celebrities come and get painted by our artists

0:30:380:30:41

and they get four hours to paint these people

0:30:410:30:44

and they produce the most brilliant stuff.

0:30:440:30:48

It's absolutely amazing.

0:30:480:30:49

And I love... I love it.

0:30:490:30:50

I love watching them paint, and I love...

0:30:500:30:52

You get a chance to really stare at the celebrities.

0:30:520:30:56

You know? They sit there, and you...

0:30:560:30:58

Cos, I mean, I would love, now, to just take ten minutes out

0:30:580:31:01

and really stare at you guys, but...

0:31:010:31:03

LAUGHTER

0:31:030:31:04

APPLAUSE

0:31:040:31:06

..but...

0:31:060:31:07

but you can do it on this show.

0:31:070:31:10

And the prize is that the winner,

0:31:100:31:13

the one who, after all the heats and stuff, wins,

0:31:130:31:16

gets a £10,000 commission to paint a much beloved person

0:31:160:31:21

and that then hangs...

0:31:210:31:23

On this occasion, it hangs in the National Gallery of Ireland.

0:31:230:31:27

So, they're actually moving a Vermeer to put this painting in.

0:31:270:31:31

So it's a really big serious thing.

0:31:310:31:34

And can I tell you that the person who's going to be hanging

0:31:340:31:38

in the National Gallery of Ireland is Graham Norton.

0:31:380:31:41

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:31:410:31:43

Is that not supposed to be a secret, Frank?

0:31:490:31:51

I am revealing it...

0:31:510:31:52

We can't say who won it,

0:31:520:31:54

but a person who won it went and painted...

0:31:540:31:58

-Painted me, yeah.

-Mm.

0:31:580:32:00

I haven't seen it yet, so... Yeah, I'm smiling now.

0:32:000:32:03

Is it a nude?

0:32:040:32:06

Yes, it's a nude. Yeah.

0:32:060:32:08

Vermeer won, so I was really lucky.

0:32:090:32:11

Now, talking of portraits,

0:32:110:32:13

we've talked about this on the show before.

0:32:130:32:16

James and Michael - I don't know if you know this, Marion -

0:32:160:32:19

but James and Michael, for some reason,

0:32:190:32:21

they inspire a lot of fan art.

0:32:210:32:23

I'm really curious. I'm curious to see how it evolved from that.

0:32:230:32:26

-Well, it hasn't evolved a lot.

-Oh.

0:32:260:32:28

We're just... For the end of the year,

0:32:280:32:30

we thought we're going to make a bit of fan art with James and Michael.

0:32:300:32:34

But just to remind ourselves of the quality we're aiming for,

0:32:340:32:38

here are some examples. I think we've shown these before.

0:32:380:32:41

This is just a lovely one.

0:32:410:32:43

Just in case you're confused, Marion,

0:32:440:32:46

that's Michael, that's James.

0:32:460:32:49

-Yeah.

-Michael looks like he's put poison in that cherry.

0:32:490:32:52

You will notice a theme in the pictures, Marion.

0:32:540:32:58

So, there is James and Michael.

0:32:580:33:00

Here they are, funnily enough, they're on a balcony.

0:33:000:33:03

-Lovely.

-Oh, yeah.

0:33:040:33:05

Am I blowing bubbles?

0:33:050:33:08

For the moment.

0:33:080:33:10

And then the classic James and Michael in the kitchen.

0:33:200:33:24

-Oh, yeah.

-Yes.

0:33:240:33:26

I remember that one.

0:33:270:33:29

I'm going, "Michael, will you go for a brownie or a fairy cake?"

0:33:290:33:33

So, we threw this out to the audience

0:33:360:33:37

to see what scenarios they would like to see the two of you in.

0:33:370:33:40

-Right.

-So, where is Victoria Godfrey?

0:33:400:33:44

There's Victoria. Look at Victoria!

0:33:440:33:46

Now, look at Victoria.

0:33:460:33:47

She's lovely, she's wearing a necklace, she's got a nice top on.

0:33:470:33:51

This is what she wants to see.

0:33:510:33:53

She shut her eyes and thought, "This is what I want to see.

0:33:530:33:56

"I want to see Michael entering an aeroplane toilet

0:33:560:34:00

"and turning around with a wink

0:34:000:34:02

"and James following behind with a coy McAvoy smile."

0:34:020:34:06

That's what she wants to see.

0:34:070:34:09

-Can I ask something?

-Yeah.

0:34:090:34:11

As soon as...

0:34:110:34:13

-What's your name again?

-Victoria.

0:34:130:34:15

Victoria as soon as you see this and you've revealed your secret,

0:34:150:34:19

Victoria's secret...

0:34:190:34:21

What?

0:34:210:34:23

Look, quite often guys are like,

0:34:230:34:25

"Oh, I'd love to watch two women go at it,"

0:34:250:34:26

and all that kind of stuff, and then when I've say to women,

0:34:260:34:29

"Would you like to see two guys go at it?" they're all like, "No!"

0:34:290:34:32

But you've bucked the trend.

0:34:320:34:34

Is that actually something women ever actually want to see

0:34:350:34:37

but just won't ever tell me?

0:34:370:34:39

That they actually want to see two guys go at it?

0:34:390:34:41

-Just you two.

-Just you two.

0:34:410:34:43

-OK.

-It's not generic. OK.

0:34:430:34:46

If myself and Frank go at it, I don't think the audience...

0:34:460:34:49

LAUGHTER

0:34:490:34:50

Where is Naomi Higgs?

0:34:510:34:54

There's Naomi Higgs. Now, Naomi Higgs,

0:34:540:34:56

we asked you for an idea for some artwork.

0:34:560:35:00

She began to type and couldn't stop.

0:35:000:35:02

This is all from her. "Michael loves to exercise."

0:35:040:35:07

We know that's true. "However, James likes to eat cake.

0:35:070:35:11

"Michael is getting a little tired of James being so lazy.

0:35:120:35:16

"He's even starting to get a little fat,

0:35:160:35:19

"so Michael decides to sign James up to a Zumba class."

0:35:190:35:23

Oh! I'm in, I'm in.

0:35:230:35:26

"James rocks up in the most ridiculous outfit Michael has ever seen.

0:35:260:35:30

"That's the last time Michael will ask James to exercise."

0:35:300:35:33

APPLAUSE She wrote that down.

0:35:360:35:39

Where's Matthew Rouse? Where's Matthew? There's Matthew.

0:35:400:35:43

Now, Matthew thought long and hard about it.

0:35:430:35:45

Matthew would like to see the two of you

0:35:450:35:47

like apes picking and eating fleas off one another's backs.

0:35:470:35:50

-And spooning.

-Oh, and spooning.

0:35:520:35:54

Of course. Where is Peter Imbong?

0:35:540:35:57

There's Peter Imbong. Peter would like to see James and Michael

0:35:570:36:01

-on a tandem bike.

-Aww!

-Nice. That's lovely, it's romantic,

0:36:010:36:04

-it's lovely.

-Working together.

-Working together, yes, yes.

0:36:040:36:07

-Pushing hard.

-I like the gorillas.

0:36:070:36:10

Maybe the gorillas on the bike.

0:36:100:36:12

Yes! Yes, you can pick fleas off each other on the bike.

0:36:120:36:15

-Yeah.

-Perfect.

0:36:150:36:17

Maybe we were driving through fog, so you can do gorillas in the mist.

0:36:170:36:20

I love... I like it.

0:36:200:36:23

APPLAUSE

0:36:230:36:24

It was high concept.

0:36:240:36:26

It was high concept. We've got a tandem bike,

0:36:260:36:28

so if you bring in the green screen,

0:36:280:36:30

we'll put you on the streets of Paris.

0:36:300:36:33

-OK.

-Oh, Christ almighty.

0:36:330:36:34

If you go over to the bike, the two of you...

0:36:340:36:37

and I think, for once, James should be at the back.

0:36:370:36:39

There you go.

0:36:390:36:40

There is a theme about it. You're never at the back in the fan art.

0:36:450:36:48

-OK.

-We talked about this last time.

-I know. Hang on...

0:36:480:36:51

What is this? Why has Michael got a scarf coming out of his arse?

0:36:510:36:55

Oh, because you put the scarves on, and so it looks like...

0:36:550:36:58

-Oh, yeah, yeah.

-It looks like you're going fast.

-That's right.

0:36:580:37:00

You see? You wind the scarves round.

0:37:000:37:03

Hang on.

0:37:030:37:04

There you go.

0:37:060:37:08

There you go, lovely. Lovely, lovely.

0:37:080:37:10

OK, OK. So...

0:37:100:37:11

Oh... Oh, Jesus!

0:37:130:37:14

APPLAUSE

0:37:150:37:17

OK, so, can we have a romantic background now, please?

0:37:190:37:23

-Oh, that's cool. Look!

-Oh!

-That's fabulous. Look at this.

0:37:230:37:27

Let's make it romantic.

0:37:270:37:29

OK, and now be cycling.

0:37:320:37:34

Pretend to be cycling, but don't actually cycle.

0:37:340:37:37

Take a picture, take a picture.

0:37:370:37:39

Beautiful. Well done. Very good!

0:37:390:37:41

Oh, we did it, we did it. APPLAUSE

0:37:410:37:45

Yeah, you're good, you're good. Put them down there. Sit down.

0:37:450:37:48

Thank you very much for doing that!

0:37:480:37:51

That was a disaster.

0:37:510:37:52

-Yeah!

-LAUGHTER

0:37:520:37:55

By the way, the people who do this fan art

0:37:550:37:58

just love it when we show it on the show.

0:37:580:38:00

(No, they don't.)

0:38:000:38:02

What does it matter? They're out tonight.

0:38:020:38:04

They'll be at parties.

0:38:040:38:05

(No, they won't.)

0:38:050:38:07

Right, it is New Year's Eve, and looking back,

0:38:100:38:13

there have been - there have - been some good things this year.

0:38:130:38:16

There have! Including, of course, the Rio Olympics.

0:38:160:38:19

I mean, Britain had its best Olympics ever,

0:38:190:38:21

so well done to Team GB -

0:38:210:38:23

but for me and lots of other people,

0:38:230:38:25

it was two young Irish guys who really stole the Olympics.

0:38:250:38:30

AUDIENCE CHEERS

0:38:300:38:31

They won silver for rowing,

0:38:310:38:33

and you've probably seen this, but in case you haven't,

0:38:330:38:36

here they are reacting to their win.

0:38:360:38:40

Lads, listen, Paul, what has the last few hours been like for you?

0:38:400:38:44

Erm... I've been shook enough now, to be honest, since the race thing,

0:38:440:38:48

a bit tired now and the legs are like jelly

0:38:480:38:50

but, um...yeah, I suppose we did a bit of celebrating,

0:38:500:38:53

and did the podium thing

0:38:530:38:55

and got to put on the podium pants, as well, so it was quite nice,

0:38:550:38:58

and...saw the mother and the father and a few other people

0:38:580:39:01

and took a few pictures and that.

0:39:010:39:03

Then I had to go and do this doping control thing,

0:39:030:39:06

so I was there for an hour or two

0:39:060:39:08

trying to pee then into a cup for them.

0:39:080:39:10

There was about ten litres of water as well, so...

0:39:100:39:13

It's full up now, to be honest.

0:39:130:39:16

Gary, it's, like, great craic, though, isn't it?

0:39:160:39:19

He's been busy there.

0:39:190:39:20

I was running around having a great time

0:39:200:39:22

signing photographs and autographs and taking pictures,

0:39:220:39:24

and it was all well and good, you know?

0:39:240:39:26

We'll be fairly tired now.

0:39:260:39:27

-We haven't had a bite to eat since two hours...

-After the weigh-in.

0:39:270:39:30

..after the weigh-in. We had a bread roll with some nutella,

0:39:300:39:33

and I'm fairly hungry now,

0:39:330:39:34

but I believe they're on their way with some pizzas for us.

0:39:340:39:37

APPLAUSE Very good.

0:39:370:39:39

They're here tonight!

0:39:390:39:40

Please welcome Gary and Paul O'Donovan.

0:39:400:39:43

Just shove down a bit that way.

0:39:430:39:45

Here they are. Hello!

0:39:450:39:47

Come in. Hello, lovely to see you.

0:39:470:39:51

-Come and sit down there now.

-Thank you, Graham.

0:39:510:39:53

There you go.

0:39:550:39:56

Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit. Very good.

0:39:560:39:58

Welcome, Gary and Paul.

0:40:000:40:02

Congratulations.

0:40:020:40:04

That's fantastic. Did you bring your medals with you?

0:40:040:40:07

-No.

-Yeah.

-You did? Oh, I thought you'd be wearing them.

0:40:070:40:10

Oh, no, they're just casually in the back pocket.

0:40:100:40:13

-There you go.

-Look at that. These are proper Olympic medals.

0:40:130:40:18

Wow. Marion, have you seen an Olympic medal?

0:40:180:40:20

Seen some action, there.

0:40:200:40:22

I actually did, yeah.

0:40:220:40:23

Cos the French lads beat us.

0:40:230:40:25

-Oh, was it the French people beat you?

-Yeah.

0:40:250:40:27

Oh, the French got the gold.

0:40:270:40:29

AUDIENCE: Oohh...

0:40:290:40:31

Is there anyone in Ireland who hasn't seen those medals?

0:40:320:40:35

They look like they've been round the block, those medals.

0:40:350:40:38

They're fairly tattered, yeah.

0:40:380:40:41

Of course, Michael, down in Killarney,

0:40:410:40:42

word must have reached you of the O'Donovan brothers.

0:40:420:40:45

-KERRY ACCENT:

-Oh, for sure. I mean, I wasn't in Killarney at the time

0:40:450:40:48

but everybody knew about it, that's for sure, yeah.

0:40:480:40:51

Marion, watching that clip, could you understand the accent?

0:40:510:40:54

Nothing, not a word.

0:40:540:40:57

I understood "since".

0:40:570:41:00

Just that word.

0:41:020:41:03

You were on the movie set with Michael with his thick Kerry accent!

0:41:030:41:07

Listen, people loved the interviews you did during the Olympics,

0:41:140:41:19

but you guys knew you were being funny while doing the interviews.

0:41:190:41:23

I don't know, I mean...

0:41:230:41:25

I think it was funny because they were being themselves.

0:41:250:41:27

Yeah.

0:41:270:41:28

-Well, to be fair, we weren't trying to be serious, like, but...

-Yeah.

0:41:280:41:31

-It just...

-It just kind of happened that way, like.

0:41:310:41:33

You did seem very happy to be in Rio.

0:41:330:41:35

I was quite serious about the whole situation, though,

0:41:350:41:38

-and everything we told was the truth, like.

-Yeah!

0:41:380:41:40

You have to understand, like,

0:41:420:41:44

people ask us these questions all the time after races.

0:41:440:41:46

It just so happened that they put a camera in front of us in Rio.

0:41:460:41:50

And also, you won a silver medal,

0:41:500:41:52

-so suddenly everyone was interested.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Yeah.

0:41:520:41:54

The great thing is, Ireland has never won any medal

0:41:540:41:57

-in rowing before, have they?

-Well...

-Not at the Olympics.

0:41:570:42:00

They've a few World Championship titles, right,

0:42:000:42:02

but it's the first Olympic medal, yeah. Whoohoo!

0:42:020:42:05

AUDIENCE CHEERS Very good.

0:42:050:42:07

And the interview where you talked about your approach to the race,

0:42:100:42:14

the phrases you used in that -

0:42:140:42:16

so, explain to people what you said in that.

0:42:160:42:18

-Do you know which one?

-Which one?

-What did we say?

0:42:180:42:20

-About going A to B as fast as you can.

-Oh, yeah.

-Yeah.

0:42:200:42:23

It is a fairly simple sport, like.

0:42:230:42:25

There's a start line and a finish line.

0:42:280:42:29

Don't complicate things, like.

0:42:290:42:31

People do complicate it, like.

0:42:310:42:33

Your man says "go" at the start, and there's a hooter at the finish,

0:42:330:42:36

and if you can get from "go" to the hooter,

0:42:360:42:38

-then...

-No bullshit, like.

-Yeah.

0:42:380:42:41

And then this thing about closing your eyes and pull like a dog.

0:42:420:42:45

-Yeah.

-That phrase, who came up with that?

0:42:450:42:47

-That was Paul.

-That was mine, yeah.

0:42:470:42:49

-Is "pull like a dog" - is that a phrase?

-No!

0:42:490:42:52

It is now, apparently!

0:42:520:42:54

It's everywhere now in Ireland.

0:42:550:42:57

-Yeah.

-It is.

-Like, you'll be walking down the street, there,

0:42:570:43:00

in Dublin or somewhere,

0:43:000:43:01

and a fella would shout across the road, like, "Pull like a dog."

0:43:010:43:04

-"Pull like a dog," yeah.

-The best ever!

0:43:040:43:06

Lads will be encouraging inside a nightclub,

0:43:060:43:09

"Close your eyes and pull like a dog."

0:43:090:43:11

Have you ever had a member of your desired sex

0:43:150:43:19

tell you to pull like a dog?

0:43:190:43:21

LAUGHTER

0:43:230:43:24

The questions are getting harder now.

0:43:260:43:28

But... But wasn't there a guy that came up to you in a...?

0:43:290:43:32

That's right. Some fella came up to Paul inside a nightclub

0:43:320:43:35

-in Skibbereen, like, and he had a...

-Oh, a tattoo, yeah!

0:43:350:43:38

Like proper ink tattoo, like,

0:43:380:43:40

across his full forearm saying, "Pull like a dog".

0:43:400:43:43

-Wow.

-I was like, that was nuts, like.

0:43:430:43:46

He may live to regret that.

0:43:460:43:48

Probably wanking away, there.

0:43:480:43:50

Marion, it's just as well, it's just as well.

0:44:010:44:04

You're missing nothing.

0:44:040:44:06

So, now, we've got a picture of you.

0:44:070:44:09

-This is the day you came back to Skibbereen.

-Yeah.

0:44:090:44:13

So, like, an amazing...

0:44:130:44:14

APPLAUSE

0:44:140:44:17

-Incredible.

-Oh, it was incredible.

-Unbelievable, yeah.

0:44:170:44:20

Because if you haven't been to Skibbereen -

0:44:200:44:21

a lot of people won't have been to Skibbereen - it's not a big town.

0:44:210:44:24

-How many people?

-It's a small little town.

0:44:240:44:26

The population is about 1,500 people,

0:44:260:44:27

and they were saying there was about 15,000 turned up to the homecoming.

0:44:270:44:31

The town was crazy, like, yeah.

0:44:320:44:34

And presumably, you're never going to have to buy a drink again.

0:44:340:44:37

Ah, it depends, like...

0:44:380:44:40

At home, we're the same two fellas, like, down in Skibbereen,

0:44:410:44:44

and they've no respect for anything down there, like.

0:44:440:44:47

A silver medal's nothing to them. God almighty.

0:44:470:44:50

Yeah, no, we get charged away in Skibbereen. It's no problem.

0:44:500:44:53

I suppose because, you know, sport, there's a lot of discipline,

0:44:530:44:57

a lot of training,

0:44:570:44:59

and now there's all the fun side of things,

0:44:590:45:03

you know, travelling around,

0:45:030:45:05

people are recognising you and coming up to you in nightclubs...

0:45:050:45:08

-The Graham Norton Show, that kind of stuff.

-Exactly.

0:45:080:45:10

So is it going to be harder to get back in the boat?

0:45:100:45:13

No, it's the same.

0:45:130:45:15

Like, you just put the boat down in the water and sit in it, you know?

0:45:150:45:18

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:45:180:45:20

There might be fans blocking the way sometimes,

0:45:230:45:26

but we just ask them to move out the way, and...

0:45:260:45:28

Please and thanks and all that.

0:45:280:45:30

Frank, do you row?

0:45:300:45:31

I did row recently. I...

0:45:310:45:34

Not... I mean, in a rowing boat.

0:45:340:45:37

I crashed into the side of a swimming pool...

0:45:370:45:41

-Where the hell were you rowing?

-With four...

0:45:420:45:44

It was a very posh hotel, and...

0:45:440:45:47

The people, you know the way posh people look posh

0:45:480:45:51

even in swimming costumes, you just know, before they speak.

0:45:510:45:54

I said, "Can you help me, please? I'm stuck."

0:45:540:45:57

And they just looked...

0:45:570:45:58

They were literally too posh to push.

0:45:580:46:01

I was stranded there and I couldn't work out...

0:46:020:46:05

I really would have needed you guys.

0:46:050:46:07

-Well, they're here now.

-In the end, a man threw me a rope.

0:46:070:46:10

We had life jackets on, me and my son.

0:46:100:46:13

I mean, the water was this deep.

0:46:130:46:16

-I'm just going to give them the opposite end of rowing.

-Yeah.

0:46:160:46:19

Another side to it.

0:46:190:46:21

-What's the story now...?

-Cool story, bro.

0:46:210:46:23

The reviews are in.

0:46:270:46:30

Guys, guys, guys, try and be funny for your entire life

0:46:330:46:36

and then, and then give him shit.

0:46:360:46:39

I've been shot down by a rower.

0:46:420:46:45

-JAMES:

-Oh, there's a leak in your boat, pal.

0:46:470:46:49

They weren't around in the '90s.

0:46:490:46:51

APPLAUSE

0:46:520:46:54

Now, here's the thing.

0:46:570:46:59

So, your fame has gone all around the world

0:46:590:47:01

and you guys have probably seen this,

0:47:010:47:03

I'm sure somebody has shown you this,

0:47:030:47:05

but I don't think these people will have seen it.

0:47:050:47:08

There's a video of children in Thailand...

0:47:080:47:10

-Have you seen this video?

-Yeah.

0:47:100:47:12

So, there's children in Thailand singing a special tribute...

0:47:120:47:16

-Have you seen it?

-No.

0:47:160:47:19

This is incredible.

0:47:190:47:20

It's quite bonkers, it's quite bonkers, this,

0:47:200:47:23

but it's kids in Thailand singing a special tribute

0:47:230:47:25

-to the two of you and your Irish canoe.

-Canoe, yeah.

0:47:250:47:29

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:48:030:48:05

That's crazy.

0:48:050:48:06

All right, it is time for our musical performance

0:48:080:48:13

and we are ending 2016 with something really special.

0:48:130:48:16

These guys have been selling out arena shows

0:48:160:48:19

with their classic mix of club anthems with orchestral strings.

0:48:190:48:24

Here, performing right here, right now and Lola's Theme,

0:48:240:48:27

please welcome Pete Tong and the Heritage Orchestra.

0:48:270:48:30

# Right here, right now

0:49:030:49:05

# Right here, right now Right here, right now

0:49:050:49:09

# Right here, right now

0:49:090:49:11

# Right here, right now Right here, right now

0:49:110:49:15

# Right here, right now

0:49:150:49:17

# Right here, right now

0:49:170:49:19

# Ooh, yeah

0:50:150:50:18

# Looking back

0:50:200:50:23

# I know I was walking around in disguise

0:50:230:50:28

# It's a fact

0:50:280:50:31

# I was just a lost soul I needed a guide

0:50:310:50:36

# And the moment that you came to change my life

0:50:360:50:42

# Looking back together, yeah

0:50:420:50:44

# You fired up my heart and made me smile

0:50:440:50:50

# And you and I know that

0:50:500:50:53

# I'm a different person

0:50:530:50:55

# Yeah

0:50:550:50:56

# Turn my world around

0:50:560:50:59

# I'm a different person

0:51:000:51:03

# Yeah

0:51:030:51:04

# Turn my world around

0:51:040:51:07

# I'm a different person

0:51:080:51:10

# Yeah

0:51:100:51:12

# Turn my world around... #

0:51:120:51:15

Come on, guys!

0:51:160:51:17

# Like a little piece of heaven finally found

0:51:220:51:28

# Looking back together, yeah

0:51:280:51:30

# You rebuilt my heart up from the ground

0:51:300:51:36

# And you and I know, baby

0:51:360:51:39

# I'm a different person

0:51:390:51:41

# Yeah

0:51:410:51:43

# Turn my world around

0:51:430:51:45

# I'm a different person

0:51:460:51:49

# Yeah

0:51:490:51:50

# Turn my world around

0:51:500:51:53

# Turn my world around

0:51:530:51:55

# I'm a different person

0:51:550:51:56

# Yeah

0:51:560:51:58

-# Turn my world around

-Yeah, yeah

0:51:580:52:00

# Turn my world around

0:52:000:52:02

# I'm a different person

0:52:020:52:04

# Yeah

0:52:040:52:06

# Turn my world around

0:52:060:52:08

# World around, yeah

0:52:080:52:10

# World around, yeah World around, yeah

0:52:100:52:14

# World around, yeah

0:52:140:52:16

# World around. #

0:52:160:52:18

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:52:180:52:19

Absolutely amazing.

0:52:270:52:28

Pete Tong, come and join us -

0:52:280:52:30

and let's hear it for the Heritage Orchestra.

0:52:300:52:33

Cookie on vocals, there, and Jules Buckley, the conductor.

0:52:330:52:37

Hello, sir, come and have a seat. Do sit down.

0:52:370:52:40

How are you?

0:52:420:52:43

That is... It's just brilliant, Pete.

0:52:430:52:46

-It really is. Yes, hello, hello. That's Pete Tong.

-Hello, hello.

0:52:460:52:50

-That's who that is.

-How are you?

-Listen, it's fantastic,

0:52:500:52:52

and that is obviously off the album, Classic House, which is out now.

0:52:520:52:56

And it's one of those things, I was saying to Frank,

0:52:560:52:58

you think, "Will this work?" But it's just brilliant.

0:52:580:53:01

Yeah, we got asked to do a prom in 2015

0:53:010:53:04

and it got to the end of the night and we were backstage

0:53:040:53:07

and looking at each other thinking, "What shall we do now?"

0:53:070:53:09

It kind of went viral after that for a couple of weeks

0:53:090:53:12

and there was this huge groundswell of demand for us to do it again.

0:53:120:53:15

We've just completed three sell-out arena shows,

0:53:150:53:18

and it's been the craziest thing I've ever done in my life.

0:53:180:53:21

But you now - you're selling tickets for, is it next December?

0:53:210:53:24

Yeah, then everyone was going, like, "Why can't we go?"

0:53:240:53:26

So we've already put next Christmas on sale

0:53:260:53:28

which sounds absolutely crazy.

0:53:280:53:30

-Wow!

-It's mad, isn't it?

0:53:300:53:31

And what happens back there?

0:53:310:53:33

-I mean... In your bit.

-Well, we make...

0:53:330:53:36

LAUGHTER

0:53:360:53:38

A lot of clapping.

0:53:380:53:40

-A lot of looking enthusiastic.

-"Whay!"

0:53:400:53:42

Aren't they brilliant? No, I'm kind of firing in bits of production

0:53:420:53:46

and stuff we did in the studio

0:53:460:53:48

that isn't made by violins and horns and stuff like that.

0:53:480:53:51

-Beautifully done, it is.

-We love it, we love it.

0:53:510:53:54

And the album is just great. Pete Tong. APPLAUSE

0:53:540:53:58

Very quickly,

0:53:580:53:59

it's almost time for us to pass you over to the fireworks

0:53:590:54:03

and the bells, but before we do,

0:54:030:54:04

just time for our final visit of the year

0:54:040:54:06

to the big red chair. Who's there?

0:54:060:54:08

-Hello.

-Hi!

0:54:080:54:10

LAUGHTER

0:54:100:54:12

It could be a great story.

0:54:180:54:20

-What's your name, sir?

-It's Lewis.

0:54:200:54:22

Lewis, lovely. And what do you do, Lewis?

0:54:220:54:24

I work in acquisitions for a film and TV company.

0:54:240:54:27

Well, now, somebody's doing that.

0:54:270:54:29

It's him.

0:54:290:54:30

Off you go with your story, Lewis.

0:54:320:54:35

So, when I was a bit younger,

0:54:350:54:37

I was on my way to my friend's birthday party

0:54:370:54:40

and that week I had just been dumped by my girlfriend,

0:54:400:54:43

so I was quite upset,

0:54:430:54:44

but my friend assured me that this would be the exact thing

0:54:440:54:47

I needed to take my mind off it.

0:54:470:54:48

So I get there, I drink too much and I pass out in the garden.

0:54:480:54:51

A couple of hours later,

0:54:510:54:53

I stumble upstairs and I pass out in the bedroom on the coats.

0:54:530:54:57

And a couple of hours later go by

0:54:570:54:58

and my friend just starts nudging me,

0:54:580:55:00

at least I thought he was nudging me,

0:55:000:55:03

but my head is spinning, so I open my eyes

0:55:030:55:05

and my friend is on top of me having sex with a girl from the party.

0:55:050:55:10

We went as far as we needed to go with that story.

0:55:150:55:18

How was he on top of him and she...?

0:55:180:55:20

Where was she in the equation?

0:55:200:55:22

We'll get someone from fan art to explain it to you.

0:55:220:55:25

That would help. That would definitely help.

0:55:250:55:28

OK, one more, one more, OK, this is it.

0:55:280:55:30

This is the last one.

0:55:300:55:31

-Hello.

-Hello!

0:55:310:55:32

-Hi, what's your name?

-Alexandra.

0:55:320:55:34

Alexandra, and where are you from, Alexandra?

0:55:340:55:36

-London.

-London, London, the capital.

0:55:360:55:39

-And what do you do?

-I'm a lawyer.

0:55:390:55:41

Oh, that's fine. What sort of law?

0:55:410:55:43

-Commercial property.

-Commercial property.

0:55:430:55:45

Sure, it hurts no-one. Off you go with your story.

0:55:450:55:47

OK, so, primary school, history week,

0:55:470:55:50

I had forgotten to tell my mother that I needed a costume

0:55:500:55:53

for the fancy dress competition.

0:55:530:55:56

She was pretty cross, you know, night before,

0:55:560:55:58

running around trying to cobble something together.

0:55:580:56:01

Next morning, I find myself dressed in my dad's brown shirt,

0:56:010:56:05

a pair of shorts of my brother,

0:56:050:56:06

my hair scraped back off my head

0:56:060:56:08

and my mother is drawing something on my face with eyeliner.

0:56:080:56:11

A couple of hours later, I'm going down a catwalk...

0:56:110:56:15

finding all the teachers sniggering at me

0:56:150:56:17

and I have absolutely no idea who I am.

0:56:170:56:19

It turns out that my mother thought it would be a great idea

0:56:190:56:22

to send her seven-year-old daughter to history week at school

0:56:220:56:25

dressed as Adolf Hitler.

0:56:250:56:26

APPLAUSE

0:56:260:56:28

-Walk.

-I think so.

-I'd walk her.

-You walk.

0:56:280:56:30

Nicely, walk nicely.

0:56:300:56:32

Well done!

0:56:320:56:34

And, of course, if you'd like to join us on the show

0:56:340:56:36

and have a go in that big red chair, you can.

0:56:360:56:37

Go via our website at this very address.

0:56:370:56:40

That is it for tonight -

0:56:400:56:42

and, indeed, for this year.

0:56:420:56:43

Please say thank you to all my guests tonight.

0:56:430:56:45

Pete Tong...

0:56:450:56:46

APPLAUSE

0:56:460:56:48

The O'Donovan brothers...

0:56:480:56:51

Frank Skinner...

0:56:510:56:52

James McAvoy...

0:56:520:56:54

..Marion Cotillard...

0:56:550:56:57

and Mr Michael Fassbender.

0:56:570:57:00

We are back on Friday 6th of January with a red chair special.

0:57:020:57:08

You asked for it, you got it.

0:57:080:57:09

Until then, have a very happy New Year.

0:57:090:57:11

Goodnight everybody, bye-bye!

0:57:110:57:13

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:57:130:57:15

Er...now, can I just say...

0:57:360:57:39

Those boys went all the way to Rio.

0:57:390:57:41

They've just left their medals on the table.

0:57:410:57:44

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:57:440:57:47

HE CHUCKLES

0:57:500:57:53

I'll make sure they get them sent.

0:57:560:57:58

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