Episode 12 The Graham Norton Show

Hey! I'm Will Smith And this is the Graham Norton show.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh!

Ooooohh!

Oh! Oh! Hi! Hi! Hi!

Good evening. Good evening. Good evening.

Good evening. Hello, everybody.

Welcome to the show.

Great sofa for you tonight. Yes, Will Smith is joining us.

WHOOPING AND CHEERING

Oh, yeah!

And not just The Fresh Prince, we've also got the Queen.

Dame Helen Mirren is here, as well.

CHEERING

Later in the show we'll be joined by Sherlock star Martin Freeman.

WHOPPING AND CHEERING

Yes!

I tell you, Sherlock returns, at last, on New Year's day.

People are more excited to see that show finally arrive

than a train on Southern Railways.

LAUGHTER

Too soon?

Dr Watson.

Just one of the many doctors we'll see over the festive period.

There's also Doctor Who and, of course,

Doctor, I got drunk at the office party,

can you get this thing off my head?

LAUGHTER

Anyone?

Everywhere is so Christmassy now.

I love all the lights outside people's houses, don't you?

You have to be careful how you arrange them.

LAUGHTER

Christmas is coming!

Hey, let's get some guests on!

Later we'll be joined by Martin Freeman

and we'll have a Christmas music treat from the fabulous Katie Melua.

WHOOPING AND CHEERING

But first, from Pirates Of The Caribbean and James Bond,

she's one of our most successful British actresses working today.

It is the Golden Globe nominated Naomie Harris.

WHOOPING AND CHEERING

Oh!

I'll meet you here. Hello, darling.

Naomie Harris!

She has graced our stage and screen for over four decades

picking up an Emmy, a Tony and an Oscar along the way.

It's always a pleasure to welcome back Dame Helen Mirren.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Hi.

-I'm so...

-Sit down!

-Thank you.

He's one of the biggest movie stars in the world,

he's Big Willie, The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air,

he's one of our favourite guests, it's Will Smith.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello!

-A-ha!

-Hey!

-Hey!

-Oh, my goodness.

-You did one of those man hugs, didn't you?

-You see!

We've been practising. When I came out, we did this. It was like...

-We did that. Oh!

-Oh!

-So...

-Man hug.

So, Helen saw a man hug

and she saw me do a couple of man hugs

and she was, like, "I want to do a man hug."

So, we've been practising our man hug.

But you drive the whole man hug. I was literally just standing there.

LAUGHTER

We've had our man hug. OK.

Good. And Dame Helen with the...

What are you doing, a selfie, or a picture?

-No. Doing a picture of the audience.

-Lovely.

-And look at them!

-For my Instagram page!

CHEERING

-Have you got one of those now?

-Yes. I have.

Are you building up the followers?

Well, I don't care about followers, at all. Actually.

I just love taking photographs and putting it on the internet.

-Naomie, are you into that?

-Not really, to be honest.

-No.

-But very nice hug. I'll give you that.

-Ah, very kind.

-A lady hug.

-It was a nice lady hug. We've had a nice lady hug.

-Those are nice too.

-Lady hug or a man hug, depending on what mood you're in.

-Exactly.

-It's Christmas.

-Mix it up. Mix it up.

It is, actually, it is nearly time. I mean, Christmas Eve tomorrow.

So, where will you all be for Christmas?

Will, are you going to be in California? Where are you going to be?

Well, Christmas is very important to my wife.

So, she sacrifices for the family all year and then, Christmas, is mommy time

and everybody pretty much just shut up

and do what mommy says for Christmas.

She starts looking in, like, October

to where the maximum snowfall is going to be.

She's on The Weather Channel. It's like real crazy. It's really crazy.

So she finds the most snow and then she books us all in that area

because we have to have snow for Christmas

-or, like, the year doesn't count.

-OK.

Do you even know where you're going or you just show up on the day?

Yeah. I show up on the day.

I pretty much just go, you know, wherever Jada says

but she takes it very seriously and she over-decorates and over-Christmases.

Now, Helen, you love Christmas. Where are you doing?

-And you do the sleigh ride?

-I do the sleigh ride. Yes. Yes.

She does a one-horse open sleigh and we sing songs.

But I don't know none of the words to the Christmas songs...

So I'm always making it up, like,

# On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me... #

HE MUMBLES

LAUGHTER

Do that for 12 days of Christmas.

So, where will you be, Helen?

-I'll be in Italy. Yes.

-Oh, nice!

-It will be very nice.

-Very nice.

I love Christmas in Italy. I take Christmas pretty seriously, too.

-Really?

-But I'm into the lights. It's the lights that get me.

Round about September, October, November.

-I start, sort of, hanging around, you know, Home Depot or...

-Yeah.

-you know...

-B&Q?

-The Emporium.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Looking in the light section

and deciding which Christmas lights I'm going to buy.

You're making it sexy, though. You're doing, like...

"I'll get some of those lights."

LAUGHTER

I'm really good at untangling them.

Ooh! Yeah, girl!

Yeah! Whoo!

And the extension cords.

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

And extension cords!

Whoa!

Don't get Helen talking about them lights.

And, Naomie, are you going to be with your family?

Your family sound fun.

-Really?

-Yes!

-Why?

From the outside, they're magnificent.

From the inside, it's very different.

No, I actually live on the same street as my family.

It's really sad. I'm, like, eight doors down.

So, on Christmas Day I walk up the hill in my pyjamas,

-ready for Christmas.

-Oh, how lovely!

-I love Christmas.

Christmas is my favourite time of the year. It's the best.

I mean, they've been preparing the cake for a year.

Yeah. They soak... All the fruit that goes into the cake

is soaked a year before in rum.

-Wow!

-That's how the Jamaicans do it.

-That sounds good.

-My sister does it like that.

-Oh, really?

-Maybe she's a little bit Jamaican, my sister.

-Yeah. Lovely.

-Wow!

-Your sister's probably not a little bit Jamaican, Helen.

I'm just guessing. I'm just guessing.

I don't know.

-Apparently... Apparently, the Harris are quite...

-Brutal.

-Brutal.

-Is the word. Yes. Very brutally honest.

-Oh, no!

So, if you give them a present, or what have you,

everyone just goes, "I don't like that."

"Why would you buy that?"

And the thing is, that's how I've grown up.

I thought this was perfectly normal until, like,

I brought a boyfriend home and, then, you know, we were opening

presents at Christmas and people were, like, "I don't want that!"

"That's rubbish! Why would you buy that?"

He was, like, "That is not normal."

Just say thank you!

That's what Christmas is like at my house.

Will, you've been in the house.

Yeah, we had a lovely dinner, her mom cooked, and it was magnificent.

-And my stepdad.

-Yeah, he was doing... They have a tag team.

-OK.

It was really great, you know. Beautiful. Loving family.

A little Jamaican flair.

Did they go nuts that Will Smith was now in their house?

Oh, no. They played really casual.

They just acted like, you know, a movie star comes over every day.

Like, "Yeah, we was eating with Tom Cruise last week."

They heard that. Why?

My brother actually, midway...

Will probably doesn't even know this, that my brother, actually,

while he was there, was taking pictures of him across the table.

And all the pictures were like...

And then, the awful thing was I told my brother off,

I said it's really rude to take pictures of someone

when the person doesn't know, you know?

And my brother was like, it's OK, Mum's already posted it on Facebook.

I'm sorry about that.

A lot of likes, though. Lot of likes.

And, of course, a special time of the year for Helen

because this marks your beginnings as an actress.

-This time of year was when you got your first start, wasn't it?

-Was it?

-If I say the word "virgin".

-Oh, I see. Yes. Yes.

When I played the Virgin Mary. Yes, indeed. A long, long, long time ago.

All right.

Were there lights?

-There was lights there, wasn't there?

-No! But I had...

I had this veil. I was about nine at the time,

like, in primary school.

And I had this incredible blue veil and I just loved my veil so much.

Had little stars on it.

I was taken around from classroom to classroom

because I was so good at playing the Virgin Mary.

-A long time ago.

-OK.

And I like this idea of your kids, angling to have Christmas here.

-Because it was Jaden...

-Yeah!

Suddenly decided he wanted to have his birthday here.

Yeah. He suckered me for his 18th birthday. My son, he just turned 18.

-Yeah.

-This past July.

And, you know, we were saying, it's your 18th birthday.

That's a big birthday.

We said, well, you know, "Where do you want to do it?"

He said, well, you know, "I want to do it in London.

"It's one of my favourite cities."

And we were promoting and I said, "Oh, that's fantastic. I'll be there."

So, the family came and we celebrated his birthday here.

And he sits down at the table and he's, like,

"Hey! I'll have a tequila, please."

I was like "Hey! What is wrong with you? No!"

He said "Drinking age is 18 in London."

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Oh! Oh-ho!

-That was why he wanted to come to London.

-Yeah, he got me.

He got me.

Will, is the hey-hey game still popular in your family?

Well, we've sort of suspended the hey-hey game temporarily.

The hey-hey game, it was a really strange thing.

It's this bizarre universal truth

and we've tested it on many continents

and, if you walk up behind a person and,

you know, you stick your finger in the... You know, you just,

-sort of, ram your finger...

-Up their bum?

Everybody in every language in the world says, "Hey! Hey!"

LAUGHTER

I'm telling you. I'm telling you. Try it!

Somebody's here from Botswana, right?

I'm telling you. Try it.

They'll say, "Hey! Hey!"

And how many times have you been arrested?

Now, the three of you bring us a Christmas gift, your new movie

Collateral Beauty.

It's out on Boxing Day and it's a really unusual film.

I have heard you guys talking about it.

Because it's, nominally, a comedy, but it's more than that.

It says really, kind of, profound things, in a light, charming way.

I mean, how do you describe it?

Yeah, it's difficult to describe

because there's lots of surprises and things,

so you try to describe it

-without giving away the ending, and things like that.

-Exactly.

But my character is a guy who is on top of the world

and he's living the beautiful life and he suffers a loss.

And his life deteriorates. And he...

He gets so angry about his loss he just, one night,

he rants and he writes these three letters

and he writes letters to Love, to Time and to Death.

And in his deteriorated mind space, he mails these letters

and then Love, Time and Death

actually respond to the letters that he wrote.

And, you know, from that point, it's a story of a man

really putting his life back together

with the help of Guardian Angels, essentially.

We've got a little clip which introduces Helen's character

-and then we can talk about it some more.

-Absolutely.

They grieve.

Dogs.

They grieve and they fully understand death.

You called me a paper tiger.

In the letter you wrote me. You said I was "pathetic".

You don't remember?

You went on about middle management? Making a deal. Paper tiger.

Oh, Howard, it wasn't that long ago.

Where did you get that?

Who are you?

Who did you write the letter to?

I wrote the letter to Death.

Nice to meet you. Charmed. I'm sure.

-No.

-No.

-No.

-No.

-No.

-No. Not going there.

And you get the call, Helen, saying,

"We're casting Death. We thought of you."

I was so insulted!

I read the script first

and I wasn't quite sure who they were going to ask me to play.

They said, "Well, we want you to play Death." Oh, Goddamit!

But, um... But it's... I'm a very... It's a comedic role.

The way I play it. It's a comedy role.

Naomie, there's so many brilliant actress,

Edward Norton, Kate Winslet, so many people, Keira Knightley.

-All the girls...

-All the girls, yeah.

-All the women are Brits. It's great.

-Was that an accident? How did that happen?

-We don't know.

-We'll have to ask David Frankel.

-How did that happen?

-I just...

You know... I got a little bit of a thing for y'all.

So, Naomie, you're not Love, Time or Death. Who are you?

No. I'm a grief counsellor. Yes.

Who Will's character comes to in his hour of need for help,

-when he thinks he's losing his mind.

-OK.

And the whole film shot in New York.

And it's... I love seeing films shot in New York, they're great,

but it must be a difficult thing,

filming on the streets of New York with this man around.

Difficult, but wonderful.

I have to say, you know, when we shot that scene in the park,

we shot it in a neighbourhood on the outskirts of New York,

quite a black neighbourhood,

and, obviously, word goes out that Will's around...

Because I'm black, too!

There's another one!

And he's famous!

But they absolutely love him, so they were so excited

and the kids all came, you know, from miles around.

There were hundreds of people

and, you know, it was quite a serious scene.

After every take, Will went off and just hung with the people who were there,

took photographs with them.

You know, did whatever they wanted him to do, met their mums.

talked to their dads. He was amazing.

And then he'd come back, sit down and play a serious scene.

I was really, really impressed by that. It was fantastic.

-Oh, thank you.

-And that's true every day on the set

because when I worked with him, as well, he did exactly the same thing.

And, one day, I asked him why do you do this?

How do you have so much energy to give so much to so many people?

And he said because everybody that you meet is going through something.

So, you have the opportunity to offer them happiness

and some light in their day, so why not do it?

I think that is you all over.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you. Thank you.

Can I add, though. He's also very annoying.

-No... It's funny...

-Like an annoying older brother.

That's what he's like.

What's really funny is, like, Naomie is so...

serious and she's so focused on set

that she never sees the practical joke coming. Right?

She just never sees.

Like, I had a thing where I had a little bit of an injury.

It's called dog jaw.

I don't know. Have you ever...

-I don't think I have.

-Here, feel that.

-Raargh!

-OH!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I'm with you, Naomie, really annoying!

That's the type of stuff I would get her with all the time!

Really, really annoying.

The other thing, though, you weren't...

What was the other thing, he used to tease you about on set?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because I stupidly...

Never show weakness to Will.

I told him this story about one of the first movies that I ever did

where I got dressed up for the premiere and, you know,

went with my family and friends to this premiere

and the movie started

and my part came on

but it wasn't me.

I had been replaced by another actress.

-AUDIENCE GASP

-See, the audience sympathise.

-Will, on the other hand...

-I was crying!

I thought that was the funniest crap I ever heard!

She brought her family!

At the screening, she took pictures.

-You did the red carpet and everything?

-I did the red carpet.

I did all the interviews, everything. No-one told me.

In this movie, to the director David Frankel, I was, like,

"Dude, you have to do a cut where she's not in it!"

Cut her out.

We have to find her family and show her the one that she's not in.

Now, we have another clip from Collateral Beauty.

I'm reliably informed that, Naomie, you are in this clip.

It's really you.

-There's a thing called bereavement hallucinations?

-Yes.

-Right.

OK, so, I...

I looked them up

-and here's the thing. I don't sleep.

-OK.

Like, not a lot. I mean, I sleep, but...

I get, like, six or seven hours a week.

-Now I think about it, that's probably why...

-Why what?

I'm having conversations...

Mm-hm.

I mean, conversations.

OK.

It's OK. Never mind.

-Howie.

-Yeah?

D'you want to have a conversation with me?

Er, yes.

APPLAUSE Beautiful.

And...we must say... a big congratulations to Naomie.

Golden Globe nomination, Screen Actors Guild nomination.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yeah!

-For Moonlight. Have either of you seem Moonlight?

-I have.

-It's beautiful, isn't it?

-It's beautiful. She's brilliant.

-Yeah.

-Unbelievable.

-I watched it last night. It's gorgeous.

It doesn't actually open here until the 10th of February.

What's that thing that you nearly didn't do it?

-You weren't going to do it?

-Yeah. So stupid.

I feel such an idiot now. Yeah, I didn't want to do it

because I didn't want to play a crack addict.

You know, I wanted to portray positive images of women,

in general, black women in particular

and I thought a crack addict wasn't part of that.

So, I stupidly was about to say no and then the director said,

"Look, I'm basically asking you to play my mum."

And I thought, I've never had anyone asked me to play their mum before

because that's his story, basically.

And you're unrecognisable in it.

I mean, it's extraordinary.

I'd just worked with her, you know, doing this movie

and I go to see Moonlight and I'm sitting there, going,

"That looks like Naomie."

Then I go, "No, it can't be Naomie because, you know, I know Naomie."

She's a British girl.

You know, and she's very beautiful and elegant and articulate.

And there's this crack mother on it.

"No, it can't be her. It's just...

"But it does look like her."

It's like, "Did she really do crack for that?"

Well, listen, good luck with all the awards

and be careful on those carpets because there are not easy.

Helen, what happened here? This is at Cannes.

This picture went all over the world. What happened to you?

-Because people said you fell.

-No, no. I didn't fall. I didn't.

-It wasn't at Cannes. It was at Venice.

-Oh, was it Venice?

-Yeah.

-I think it was Venice. No, maybe it was Cannes.

-Listen,

-you playing into the picture now.

-No, it was Cannes.

-The client...

No, it was Cannes.

That was so not what happened.

It was a staircase and you're going up the staircase

and there's the president of the thing

and you're supposed to say hello

and, as I came up, I noticed his shoelace was undone.

As I came up, I went, you know, "Your shoelace is undone.

"I'm going to do it up for you." He went, "Oh, no, no, no."

"It's all right. I'll do it for you."

So, I sank very gracefully to my knees, you know, very elegantly.

-I don't know how...

-LAUGHTER

This is quite the story!

Look at the guy on the right. He's laughing.

Because you fell!

No!

You would have been laughing.

I didn't fall.

Actually, we've got a picture of you, Will, on the red carpet.

-See, see... I shouldn't.

-There you go.

Hey! Hey!

-Hey! Hey! Hey!

-That's the hey-hey game. She was, "Hey! HEY!"

Oh, you're my husband.

Now, very quickly,

as it's Christmas time,

and we have the nearest thing to royalty on our sofa.

Dame Helen, I wonder, would you do us a little Christmas message?

An inspirational Christmas message. Now, what we're doing,

if you move down to the end of the sofa,

so that the Christmas tree is in behind you.

-Oh, man!

-OK.

-It's like good production.

-There are words up there.

-Yes.

-OK.

-Are you all set. Whoa! Oh! Oh!

-Hey! Hey!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

We're not going to have a hey hey!

-It has to come when you're not expecting it.

-Yeah, yeah!

OK. So, if you look down, we've got some suitable music for you.

-Here we go.

-OK.

Hello.

At this time of celebration and togetherness,

we have the chance to reflect on the year gone by

and I think we can all agree

that 2016 has been a big pile of shit.

LAUGHTER

So, my advice to you is drink responsibly and be merry.

Have a very happy Christmas but, above all,

go see Collateral Beauty, out on Boxing Day,

at all good cinemas.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And that's Helen. Out.

Very good.

Right. Time to meet my next guest.

He's gone from The Office to the Shires

and all the way to Baker Street.

As one of the stars of the much awaited new series of Sherlock,

the doctor will see us now. It's Martin Freeman, everybody.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hey! Dapper! Dapper!

-Lovely to see you.

-Lovely to meet you. Nice to meet you.

-Hello, darling, how are you doing?

-Hello. Nice to see you.

Nice to see you. Are you all right?

That was close!

You have to be quick.

It won't happen a second time.

Aah!

Now, Sherlock. Sherlock is back.

AUDIENCE WHOOP Yes! They're excited.

First episode is on the 1st of January

and then two more on the following Sundays.

Now, do you all watch the Sherlock?

-Oh, I watch Sherlock, yes.

-Don't embarrass me

because if it's no, it'll just look bad.

-Because, for what is essentially, it is a BBC drama...

-Yeah.

-..but it's global, beyond belief, isn't it?

-Yes, it is.

It's had a real life of its own.

Almost from the first episode, actually.

From the time the first episode went out, the reaction was...

extraordinary. I've never known anything like it.

And they shoved it out in the summer, as well.

-It was as if they didn't think we would like it.

-I know.

We were all worried because it was due to go out...

I can't remember when it was due to go out, but it ended up

going out a couple of months earlier and we were up in arms,

thinking no-one's going to watch it and it's going to be disastrous

and, actually, it made no difference. People liked it.

And it's so extraordinary. You've been in something as big as a big movie franchise, The Hobbit,

but Benedict Cumberbatch was here and he was saying

that when he got recognised,

he was filming in Nepal and they recognised him from Sherlock.

That's only because he carries a picture around with him.

LAUGHTER

He's always doing that.

But you must get that, too.

Yeah. It's a big show. It definitely...yeah,

it reaches parts that other programmes cannot reach.

Yeah. Yes, it's delightful.

I can't remember whether I've said this to you.

Do you know when someone comes up to you if this is, here we go, Hobbiton?

-Yes, I do.

-You do?

-I do.

-What's the difference?

There's a sort of age demographic slightly different. I think.

I think, usually, if it's, with all respect to anyone

who is, or isn't, this thing, I think,

if it's a female between 16 and 25 I know that's going to be Sherlock.

WHOOPS

Yeah.

There. That's the way that works.

It's that thing of being recognised where you don't expect it.

Where's the oddest place you've been recognised, Will?

How far afield? Have you been in a jungle,

on top of a mountain somewhere?

Yeah. We were shooting Ali in Mozambique.

And we were walking through a village,

you know, 50 miles outside of the major city

and there was a woman washing her clothes in the river.

There was no electricity in the place.

I walked by and she said, "Big Willie!"

LAUGHTER

What? Get out of... How do you know?

That's amazing.

Maybe in her language, it meant something different.

"What are you doing here?" You know.

You were saying, Helen, you get... It's queues.

Queues are dangerous for you?

-Queues for the toilet.

-Oh!

When you get recognised in a queue for the toilet.

And women's, you know, women's bathrooms, in theatres

and places like that, there's always a huge great long queue

and that is not an easy place to be recognised.

Because you can't... You're stuck. You have to have...

And then other people in the queue, and then word goes out

and now you're having a conversation with this whole queue of people.

All the time, slowly moving towards the cabinet that's empty

and knowing that everybody's going to be listening once you're in.

LAUGHTER

It's mortifying!

-Judging you.

-Yes.

For men, it's if you get recognised at the urinal.

That must be. Yes, yes.

Hey. Hey. Hey!

Yeah, man. Sherlock! How are you doing?

Dude, dude.

That happened to me.

I was at a gig, years ago, I was at the urinal and it was,

the interval, or whatever,

and there were two guys and they both clocked me.

I think this was from Office days, you know.

And they both clocked me and looked at each other and went,

-"Has he got a big one?"

-LAUGHTER

He was literally properly having a little...

See, women are lucky!

That's terrible.

-Because Bond must have had a similar effect on your life.

-No.

-No. I rarely get recognised. It's fantastic.

-That is great.

I think I have a sort of chameleon face

so you don't generally recognise me. I can go pretty much anywhere.

Not now.

Seriously. I could sit under posters of myself and...

Seriously. I'm serious.

On the tube.

Now, we have a Christmas tradition on the show.

Somebody comes on for the new Sherlock

and can't tell us anything about it.

So, what can you tell us about it?

Um, that it's on on January the 1st

and, my character and Mary, John and Mary have a baby now.

I saw a picture of this. We have a picture. There's evidence.

Now, Sherlock looks like he's never seen a baby before.

Like, this is the mystery he can't solve.

And that would be absolutely right, yeah.

Because Sherlock is not the world's greatest touchy-feely person.

So the fact that this baby has come into the picture

is, yeah, pretty baffling for Sherlock.

Don't take this the wrong way

but you do look slightly like the new family in Albert Square.

LAUGHTER

The Sherlocks have moved in to number 11.

I don't take that the wrong way.

OK. This is a clip. You brought this. This is an exclusive clip.

I brought this, yeah. I brought it on my bike, yeah.

-It was very good of you.

-Under me arm.

-This is... I think it's self-explanatory.

-OK.

-So, how's it going then, fatherhood?

-Oh, good. Great. Yeah. Amazing.

-Getting any sleep?

-Christ, no.

Beck and call of a screaming, demanding baby,

woken up at all hours to obey his every whim?

-Must feel very different.

-Sorry. What?

-Yes, well, you know how it is.

All you do is clean up their mess, pat them on the head.

-You two having a little joke?

-Never a word of thanks.

-Can't even tell people's faces apart.

-This is a joke, isn't it?

And it's all, "Aren't you clever? You're so, so clever."

Is it about me?

-I think he needs winding.

-You know, I think that really might be it.

No. Don't get it.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We were talking earlier about filming in New York with Will Smith,

but Sherlock must be just the same problem.

It's way more popular than Will Smith.

I mean, it's not a competition.

No, it's pretty crazy here. Yeah.

Do the writers take that into account

-so there can't be plot spoilers outside?

-Kind of.

I mean, like everything we all do now,

we all have to sign up our lives to secrecy.

So, I think we're all very aware of that.

I think, once it's become clear that

if we're stationary on a street it becomes like an event.

You have to be very mindful.

If you're saying dialogue that's giving away plot. You know.

I think they don't tend to write plot stuff in public

because people are either filming it or...

And are people respectful or do they try to ruin takes?

They never try and ruin takes. I mean, they're very respectful.

Sometimes they can't...

Well, I think we've all learned to live with each other better

over the years because I think, at first,

people would come and they would clap takes.

You're like, "No, because you've just ruined the take there."

But they are very respectful.

They stay out all hours and they're lovely people. Yeah.

I guess it must be a little bit different in America.

Because, you know, you're doing a scene and, specifically,

like, black people in America it's, like, "Hey, Will! Will!"

"That ain't funny, man. You better get hold of a better line."

LAUGHTER

Yeah. That would be difficult.

"We figured it out, Sherlock. We know who did it!"

Now, we're about to have a musical performance tonight.

But before we do, now, obviously, Will Smith,

a very accomplished rapper.

-But Martin Freeman...

-Oi! Come on!

Martin Freeman, I don't know how... He's an expert beatboxer.

-Wow!

-Yes. An expert.

-Genuinely, not true.

Do you drop beats? How do you...?

Me, I tend to drop 'em, really.

-Drop 'em? I tend to drop a fat beat, now and then.

-Yeah.

None of this is true.

We're about to see evidence.

This is really impressive.

-It's quite funny but it's impressive.

-Really impressive?

Well, I found it impressive. This is...

-In my head, Ali G Indahouse was a recent film.

-Yeah.

That's because we're getting old.

In fact, it was 12 years ago.

-Yeah.

-12 years ago. So, a fresh-faced...

-It's actually more than 12 years ago.

-Oh, is it more?

We filmed it 15 years ago.

-We filmed it in 2001. Yeah.

-Wow!

Well, here's a very fresh-faced Martin Freeman in Ali G Indahouse,

dropping, let's say dropping, some beats.

Droppin' beats.

HE BEATBOXES JUNGLE BEAT

Wicked!

Wicked!

Wicked now, wicked now, wicked!

# Me got the chick-ahn Me like the chick-ahn!

# Me got the chicken-wicken a-rockin' and a-pickin'

# Me got...

# A to the L to the I to the G Ali G, that's me, that's me

# A to the L to the I to the G That's G, that's me, that's me

# R to the I to the C to the K to the Y

# That's Ricky C Ricky C to the C to the C

# Ricky C... #

-Wait a sec. I is gonna be late for me class.

-Oh.

-Let's go.

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE That's good!

-Yeah.

Very good.

-That's on the edge of expert.

-Yeah.

-That's on the edge of expert.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Which edge?

OK! It's music time, and this is a lovely Christmas treat.

This lady is one of the UK's top-selling artists.

She's sold 12 million albums worldwide and she's here tonight

with the Gori Women's Choir performing The Little Swallow.

Please welcome Katie Melua.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

THEY SING IN UKRAINIAN

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Stunning!

So beautiful.

Katie Melua... and the Gori Women's Choir!

Come and join us, do, Katie Melua.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Mind yourself. There's traps and all sorts.

There you go. That was beautiful.

Katie Melua, everybody. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You sit here beside Helen.

Katie Melua.

Lovely, lovely.

-Very good.

-How are you? Absolutely...

-Thank you.

-Aw.

-..beautiful.

-Thank you.

-Beautiful, beautiful.

Beautiful, beautiful.

Well, if people didn't feel Christmasy before, they do now.

-That is from the album In Winter, which is obviously out now.

-It is.

Still time to gift it to someone. LAUGHTER

So, the Gori Women's Choir, they're from Georgia.

Georgia, yeah, which is the country of my birth.

And I lived there until I was eight before I moved over to the UK.

Cos there's a Gorey in County Wicklow in Ireland as well.

-Oh, is there?

-Yes! I thought, "Oh, she's got the Gorey Women's Choir."

And then..."No. Oh, no." LAUGHTER

No. They're from my hood.

Yeah, so, you're touring with a choir now,

so you're hanging around London.

So, are you the go-to person?

You know, do you have to know everything?

-Like, "Where is there a cash point? Katie?"

-Yeah.

-LAUGHTER

-Pretty much.

So, they landed here a few months ago

just before our European tour, and I suddenly thought,

"OK, I've got the album out. We're going on the road."

And I realised, "But I've got a show in London."

You know, cos it's their first time in the UK,

and so I thought, "Right, we'll go to St Paul's Cathedral.

"We'll go up to Hampstead Heath, look at London."

You know, all the beautiful... Buckingham Palace.

And the thing they wanted to do the most was Madame Tussauds.

LAUGHTER So, did you do Madame Tussauds?

They did do Madame Tussauds.

I couldn't take them, but, you know, we got them tickets

and we sent them there and they absolutely loved it.

Now, they were meant to fly back a few days ago,

but you're kind of a big deal, Graham.

And not only are you a big deal,

-but everyone here is a bit of a big deal.

-Yes.

And so I said to them, "Please stay a few more days.

"Let's do The Graham Norton Show

"and instead of taking pictures with the Madame Tussauds dummies,

-"you can actually maybe do the..."

-These dummies.

-Yeah.

-LAUGHTER

Cos... I don't know. You... They flew you in.

You were a guest in Madame Tussauds or something. A waxwork of you.

-Oh, no.

-There's a picture of you. There you are.

-Yeah.

-Go on, son.

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER Oh, that's good!

-Yeah, it's uncanny.

-That's amazing.

That's creepy! LAUGHTER

-Wow.

-Yeah, it's real crazy. It's real... Yeah.

And, Helen, they did a whole big thing for your birthday.

-They did three of me.

-Yes.

-Three different ones.

There you are as the Queen.

-Yes. Doesn't look anything like the Queen, or me, really.

-LAUGHTER

There is one that looks incredibly disturbing.

That one looks like Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie.

LAUGHTER

-Dorothy Michael.

-Dorothy Michael in Tootsie, right?

But we couldn't find you, but you must be a waxwork somewhere.

-It's a sore point, Graham.

-LAUGHTER

No, you must be, cos the...

You know, between Sherlock and Lord Of The...

you know, Hobbit, you have to be...

-Lord Of The Hobbit?

-Lord Of The Hobbit, yeah.

-Yeah, whatever.

They're over. I've seen them all.

"The Hobbit, Lord Of The Hobbit, or something, you were in that."

No, I'm not. I'm not in it.

Did they ask you and you said no?

-Oh, God... No.

-LAUGHTER

-No, never asked.

-Can you say no?

Did you say yes or did they just do it?

I think they...

No, I don't think you can say no, but, you know,

I was very honoured, actually, and excited

and I sort of went and sat for them

and sort of tried to make it as good as possible, but...

But if you did say no, they couldn't model you, could they?

-I mean, cos you've got to go...

-No, I didn't do that.

-Oh, you didn't do that?

-I would not have approved that.

LAUGHTER

A lot, they do from photographs. They do a lot from photographs.

-People don't do it.

-And, Katie, so is all the touring over now?

-Is it just the record?

-The touring is over

and we're just, you know, promoting the album

and just delighted to have made a sort of winter-themed record.

But it's such a beautiful sound presumably you're going to do more.

I hope so. I hope so, but this is it for now because it was...

I mean, the album was recorded out in Gori, which,

for some people, they only know it as the birthplace of Stalin.

-Mm.

-So, you know...

Or some people don't know it at all. LAUGHTER

Now, for me, when you said she had a choir from Georgia,

-I was expecting something different.

-LAUGHTER

Something to do with football.

Yeah, I was like, "Georgia? Yeah. A Baptist choir."

No, no. It's... You know where it is, don't you?

-Georgia, it's...

-Yeah, yeah. The other one. I know.

-Yeah.

-It was just... It was a dumb American joke.

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER

Here's a world map. Find it. LAUGHTER

I couldn't.

Anyway, thank you very much for coming, Gori Women's Choir,

and thank you so much. Beautiful, Katie. Really, really lovely.

Gorgeous. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, that's nearly it,

but we just have time for a very quick visit to the Big Red Chair.

Who's there tonight? Hello?

-Hello.

-Hi. What's your name?

-Deborah.

Deborah. Hello, Deborah. And what do you do, Deborah?

I'm a checkout team support for a big company.

-A checkout team support?

-Yeah.

Are you the kind of, "It's in the bag," are you that woman?

No, I'm the guy that goes back and forth

-checking that everybody's OK on the checkouts.

-Oh, OK.

-So, we'd never meet you if we were there.

-Yeah, yeah. I'm there.

I've got a headset on usually and I'm back and forth

-making sure customers get what they want.

-OK.

LAUGHTER

-I don't know. We should just...

-I don't know what she does.

-I do.

-What does she do?

-Tell me what she does.

When you're at the checkout getting the stuff through,

she's just making sure all the checkouts are running smoothly.

-You've never seen that person ever.

-LAUGHTER

Not only have I seen that person, I know Deborah.

-LAUGHTER

-Really?

-Yeah. Yeah.

-And she's bloody good at her job.

-Do you know her?

Yes, I do know Deborah. Yeah.

Is this a story involving Martin Freeman?

-No.

-No. OK. LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

All right. All right, Deborah, off you go.

OK. When my daughter was little,

she used to love watching Nelly The Elephant on the telly

and she watched it back-to-back video, day after day.

Then one afternoon our neighbour came around,

who was very heavily pregnant at the time,

and my daughter looked at her very like, "Oh, who is this woman?"

I said to her, "Do you know who this is?"

And she said, "Yeah, it's Nelly the Elephant."

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER Thank you.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Aw!

-Not good enough. Not good enough.

-Let's try another one. Hello.

-Hello.

-Hi. What's your name?

-Mary.

Mary. I see this is Christmas themed. Christmas themed.

It's Mary. It's Mary.

-And where do you live, Mary?

-I live in North London.

North London. CHEERING

They love you, Mary. They love you.

OK, Mary, off you go with your story.

Many years ago, when I bought my first flat on my own,

I invited a friend round for dinner.

So, I started cooking and the friend arrived,

I buzzed them in, but they went the wrong way

when they came into the flat.

So, I went outside to show them which way to go quickly,

but unfortunately for me, the door shut behind me,

and I was cooking at the time.

I lived on the ground floor,

so there was security bars all over the windows

so I had no choice but to call the fire brigade.

I called the fire brigade thinking,

"They'll just break the bars on the kitchen window,

"take the cooking off the stove and that'll be it,"

but they decided to break in through my bedroom window.

At the time, I was an Ann Summers rep and I was preparing for a party.

LAUGHTER

All over my bed was all the sex toys...

LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH

They finally let me in through my own front door

with smiles on their faces.

LAUGHTER That's a good story!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You can walk, Mary. Walk.

I feel like a healer.

Walk!

Mary, walk!"

Well done, everyone.

If you want to join us on the show and have a go in the red chair,

you can contact us via our website at this very address.

That is it for tonight.

Please say a huge thank you to my guests Katie Melua...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ..Martin Freeman...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ..Naomie Harris...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ..Dame Helen Mirren...

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ..and Will Smith.

-Yeah!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We'll be back on New Year's Eve at 10.25

with a very starry Hogmanay sofa,

including Pete Tong and the Heritage Orchestra,

Irish rowing heroes the O'Donovan brothers,

comedian Frank Skinner, Oscar-winner Marion Cotillard

and X-Men adversaries James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender.

Until then, have a very happy Christmas. Goodnight, everybody.

Bye-bye. Merry Christmas.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Wait everyone, don't move, don't move. Hold on, don't move.

-Don't move, don't move.

-Aww!

Everybody, hold it. Here we go.

Is everybody there? There we go.

One, two, three.

CHEERING Fantastic!