Episode 13 The Graham Norton Show

-Hi, I'm Emily Stone...

-And I'm Ryan Gosling.

-And you're watching...

-BOTH: The Graham Norton Show.

APPLAUSE

Hello!

Oh, hello!

Oh, too kind!

Thank you very much! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Hello, and welcome!

Well done for braving the cold weather, everyone.

And a big thank you to the train drivers,

who ignored the icy conditions

and treated today like any other working day.

LAUGHTER

That'll show 'em.

Hey, got a great show tonight!

The stars of hit new film La La Land are here.

Yes!

CHEERING

La La Land is a musical. I LOVE musicals!

It's about a film actress. I love films!

And a jazz musician.

LAUGHTER The musical is...

The musical is set in Hollywood,

and it does portray showbusiness in a very glamorous way, you know.

Because in real life, if you want to star in a musical,

you have to go through a casting process

with some seedy old blokes...

Yeah, it's not nice.

LAUGHTER

Now, all my guests were at the Golden Globes Awards this week,

and for many, the highlight was Meryl Streep

taking down President-elect Donald Trump.

CHEERING

There's Meryl. Good old Meryl.

Of course, no-one knew she was going to do that.

Well, I say that. The Russians probably did.

LAUGHTER

It's weird, cos Meryl Streep was the Iron Lady,

whereas Donald Trump, more of a...

hmm, rusted man.

LAUGHTER

Meanwhile... Like, the news is so genius at the moment.

It's been claimed British spies have uncovered evidence

of Donald Trump in a Russian hotel room with prostitutes

performing "perverted sexual acts".

LAUGHTER

Here's one of the compromising photographs.

LAUGHTER

Oh, no, sorry, my mistake.

That's a hospital bed over Christmas.

LAUGHTER AUDIENCE: Ooh!

I'm on it tonight. On it!

Hey, let's get some guests on!

CHEERING

Later, we'll be having music

from the wonderful Gregory Porter, everybody!

But first, fresh from a clean sweep at the Golden Globes,

they're the stars of this year's most critically-acclaimed film,

the all-singing, all-dancing La La Land.

Please welcome Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling!

CHEERING

Hello!

Welcome. Lovely to see you. Hello.

DROWNED BY APPLAUSE

There you go. There you go.

And joining Emma and Ryan,

the stars of Hollywood's latest gangster classic,

Live By Night,

please welcome Sienna Miller and double Oscar winner Ben Affleck!

CHEERING

Lovely to see you.

Hello, sir. Welcome back. Lovely to see you.

There you go!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

LAUGHTER

I'm excited!

-Welcome, all. Lovely to see you all.

-Thank you very much.

I like that, straight in!

LAUGHTER

Was it dry back there? Was there a dry area?

-It's a dry establishment.

-Yes.

So... Now, how does it work, do you all...?

You two know each other.

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Yeah.

-You obviously know Sienna.

-I know Sienna.

You're in a film together.

I do. And I sort of know these guys a little bit from, you know,

running around in the celebrity petting zoo.

LAUGHTER

Ryan, no?

There was no petting.

LAUGHTER

Light petting.

Now, all four of you were at the Golden Globes,

and that's one of the good ones, isn't it?

Cos that's kind of a proper boozy night, isn't it?

-Yes.

-SIENNA:

-Really boozy.

-It's a fun, crazy night.

We're all like, "Hur!"

LAUGHTER

-I had some fun.

-I had some fun, too. Yeah.

Fun? No fun?

-Yeah, I had fun.

-Fun.

LAUGHTER

Fun? No fun?

-Oh, I had a great time.

-Fun.

LAUGHTER

-My brother won. It was spectacular. Magnificent.

-Yeah, which...

-Which was very thrilling.

-It was.

-And well deserved.

Yeah, no, very well deserved.

APPLAUSE

His speech...

-His speech felt a bit...

-It felt lacking, didn't it?

Yes! It felt a bit...

Well, I'm not sure what it was lacking...

I think it was me.

LAUGHTER

Notice, when I won the Academy Award, which...

That's a different award from the Golden Globes.

I won, and I thanked my brother, who I called a genius.

I mean...

Casey thanks Matt Damon.

He thanks Denzel Washington.

-People he doesn't even know.

-LAUGHTER

And so, there I was. But it was... I appreciate that, thank you(!)

LAUGHTER

But you're still wishing him well. You want him to win the Oscar.

I wish him less well now.

LAUGHTER

No, but you want him to win the Oscar

cos it'll make history if he wins an Oscar.

It would be an exciting thing, yes.

Cos what is it, you're the first brothers...?

We'd be the only brothers to win for different movies, yeah.

-Oh, wow.

-Shirley MacLaine and Warren Beatty both have Oscars,

but they're not brothers, they're siblings.

That's very well observed.

LAUGHTER

But, yeah, it'll be cool.

But I heard you say that that wouldn't be the only first, if Casey wins.

No, he'd be the first bed-wetter to win an Academy Award.

LAUGHTER

It would be so ground-breaking, there would be so many firsts!

Is he a... He's a current bed-wetter?

-He still... Yes.

-LAUGHTER

OK, OK, OK.

All right.

And now...

Everyone on the couch, when you've been to awards shows,

the Oscars, the Golden Globes, you've all taken your parents.

Which is... I mean, that seems...

-You know, to have all four of you all do the same thing...

-Touching!

It's lovely! Now, Ryan, your mum...

She, I mean, I'm sure she likes meeting the celebrities,

but isn't it the gift room that's really her thing she enjoys?

I don't want to out my mom like this.

LAUGHTER

I will tell a funny story about that picture, though,

which is that my mom was convinced that year by her friend

that beehives were going to be all the rage.

LAUGHTER

And that if you didn't have a beehive, you would feel embarrassed.

And it turned out to be the opposite,

it was a natural hair vibe that night.

LAUGHTER

And my mom sat in front of Rachel Weisz,

and her hair was so high that Rachel had to keep...

LAUGHTER

And my mom kept sinking in her chair.

And I didn't know what to do, cos I was, you know,

I wanted her to have a nice night. So I...

I didn't know Meryl Streep, but she was sitting next to me,

and I said, in a commercial break,

"Would you mind just telling my mom you like her hair?"

-Aww!

-AUDIENCE: Aww!

And she was like, "I got this."

And then the commercial went and she goes,

"Do you know, I was going to do a beehive, and I wish I had."

AUDIENCE: Aww!

And my mom was like...

LAUGHTER

..raising the roof all night.

-Does she already know that story, your mom?

-My mom?

-Yes.

-No.

-Oh, no, now you've ruined it.

-Oh!

LAUGHTER

Yikes!

She doesn't watch this show.

-She's not going to know.

-She'll never see this.

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER

Emma, now, your mother,

does she pretend to not know the famous people,

or does she just get a bit overexcited and forget who they are?

She... Well, I mean, the first time I went to the Golden Globes,

just to spring that back around, that was this year.

And we were sitting next to...

Now it's, you know, not as fun to talk about,

but we were sitting next to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.

And she was just asking multiple questions, like,

if they had kids, maybe?

LAUGHTER

"Do you? What's it like?

"I mean, I had no idea!" The whole time.

-So it was like... She knew everything.

-Yeah. Clearly!

LAUGHTER

You two work in the movie business(?)

LAUGHTER

Are you like, a producer, or...(?) Are you in "Hollywood", or...(?)

LAUGHTER

-And Sienna, now, you took your dad the year of American Sniper?

-Yes.

Now, here's the thing,

cos I think it is a lovely thing to take your parent to the Oscars,

but once the ceremony's over, don't you just want to ditch them?

Like, do you just go to the pub, and just kind of go...

"And I've got an old person, here, if you'd like them?"

Cos I'm going to a party.

LAUGHTER

-No, he came along till five in the AM.

-Really?

Dancing at Guy Oseary's house next to John Travolta.

LAUGHTER

He was, like, doing a full, like...

Wow, there he is. No, he was great. And emotional.

-And sort of just wept throughout the whole thing.

-Aww.

Yeah, sweet.

-RYAN:

-My mom danced with Prince.

-Really?

-Aww.

-Yeah.

You just totally topped me.

LAUGHTER

That was beyond talk show etiquette!

LAUGHTER

No, I like it. Can we go one better?

Can we go one better? We've got a mother with Prince.

A mother with Prince. LAUGHTER

Zoom in on Ryan.

No, cos famously, you and Matt both took your mums.

Right, we did take our moms,

which only fuelled rumours of our sexuality, I think.

LAUGHTER

You can see why.

I mean, looking at that photograph...

But we did take our moms, who look great in that picture, and...

LAUGHTER

My mom...

They do a weird thing where, like, at the Oscars, they put...

Because they have to rehearse where the shots are going to be and so on,

it's a television business thing, don't worry about it.

LAUGHTER

But they put big name placards of where... So it'll say,

instead of Jack... It just says Jack Nicholson, you know,

and they'll say, like, Ryan Gosling or whatever.

And my mom was obsessed by that,

and went around taking pictures of all the...

LAUGHTER

I was like, "You know that's not the real Jack Nicholson?"

LAUGHTER

-She enjoyed her time.

-Yeah.

And probably got them developed, as well.

LAUGHTER

They're in an album, now.

Those days.

Hey, two really different films tonight.

Both homages to kind of classic Hollywood genres.

So, let's start gangster.

Ben and Sienna star in Live By Night,

which opens tonight.

And I say "star in", I mean,

for Ben, it was much more than that for you.

This is a real kind of passion project?

Yes, well, I... I directed it,

and wrote it,

and so it's hard to avoid blame,

you know, at this point...

LAUGHTER

But, it's... Yeah, this was something I really wanted,

to make a classic Hollywood gangster movie.

That was sort of my dream about this.

And I got really lucky with a great cast and a great crew.

So you found the book. And you loved the book.

The book was sent to me... This... I'm going to name-drop.

..by Leonardo DiCaprio.

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

He and I know each other. Not that well...

LAUGHTER

-And...

-You're in a book club.

-He did send me a book.

He sent me the book, and I loved it,

and I thought right away that it was something that I wanted to do.

My character is a sort of conflicted guy

whose father is a police superintendent, but who goes to...

away to the First World War,

and gets very disillusioned by the sort of meaningless death

that he sees all around him, and decides that he's going to...

sort of not take orders from anybody any more, and become an outlaw.

And he hooks up with this beautiful woman,

and they sort of have a Bonnie and Clyde kind of thing.

And it goes from there.

And it's a great plot, lots of twists and turns, surprises...?

Trust me. When I tell you the plot is...

I don't want to go into it, but it's really, really good.

So, Sienna, how do you fit into the gangster world?

I... In the film, or how did I get the part?

-In the film.

-Oh!

-Don't talk about that.

-Oh, my God.

LAUGHTER

You'd fit in OK in the gangster world!

Yeah, I'd fit right in!

I'm a gangster's moll.

She's, like, an Irish immigrant, daughter of a pimp...

uncle's a murderer...

flapper. Heaven.

LAUGHTER

-You know - typecasting.

-I mean, you know, perfect casting, yeah.

She's... She's a really cool character.

Now, I have to say, as an Irish person, Sienna,

really good, specific accent.

Thank you so much.

No, cos that's where... Cos its West Cork.

Yes, that's exactly where it is.

-Yeah.

-Yes.

-It's really good!

-Yes!

LAUGHTER

Sorry, I've been doing a junket all day,

and Irish people walk in, and you're just like, "Oh, God!"

They take it very seriously. So that's a compliment, thank you.

Yeah. Cos I don't know if you saw, on the New Year's Eve show,

we had the O'Donovan brothers.

They're rowers and they're from West Cork.

-And, honestly, sounded like that.

-Oh, good!

-Yeah.

-Like an O'Donovan brother.

-Like an O'Donovan brother.

-Perfect!

-Yes!

-But sexy.

-Nailed it. Sexy O'Donovan...

Sexy O'Donovan brother.

We've got a clip.

This is the two of you, sort of making your plans for a getaway.

-Right.

-I think that... Let's...

We could leave.

Where would we go?

Somewhere warm.

My brother Danny lives in California.

God, I'd go to California.

I don't know much about honest work, I've got to tell you.

Well, who said anything about honest work?

We do what we want to do.

Go where we want to go.

Sleep by day.

I got a job in Lawrence on Saturday.

Then I'll be free.

Free to leave?

Yeah. Free to leave.

APPLAUSE

That reminds me that...

I just did, like, we had a press conference in LA,

and someone complimented me and said, you know,

"You were unrecognisable in this,

"I think you're so brave for wearing fake teeth."

And I was like... "No, those were my teeth."

LAUGHTER

And actually, just watching that clip, I was like,

they've actually got a point.

I think the accent makes me, like, talk like...

LAUGHTER

Totally got a point.

They are all mine.

And God bless you, by the way, audience member who...

-Yes, someone slightly...

-Somebody appreciated the teeth.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. Allergic to gangsters.

-Now, as I say, you wrote this, Ben?

-Yes.

-You wrote this.

Adapted it from a novel, yes.

Sent to you by Leonardo DiCaprio.

We know. We got that.

LAUGHTER

I call him Leo, it's not...

Don't make a big thing out of it.

LAUGHTER

But you can't help but notice, when you watch the film,

you did write yourself a lot of sex scenes.

LAUGHTER

Why else get into directing?

LAUGHTER

That's kind of the whole point.

It's like, tippy tappy, what could happen?

Oh, I could have sex!

"And he's still going! Unbelievable!"

LAUGHTER

Thank you. Thank you.

APPLAUSE

And Sienna's there for most of them.

LAUGHTER

She was part of them.

And, like, you know, you do a scene,

sometimes I like to just go over and over again,

without cutting at interrupting the...the flow.

And that's what I was trying to do...

Careful with you words, Ben.

LAUGHTER

The sex scenes, we had these montages of sex scenes,

so we were just in the car and then here and...

And I just was like, in my mind, thinking, you know,

"We're going again."

Like, I'm not going to say cut, and actually, we'll just keep going.

And finally, she just started laughing, like,

"Who do you think you are?!"

LAUGHTER

How many times can one man climax?

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

-A few.

-LAUGHTER

Emma and Ryan, of course, everyone loves you together in La La Land.

But this isn't the first time you've worked together.

You worked on Gangster Squad, and then, in Crazy Stupid Love,

we've even see you dance together before.

-Interesting pose on me.

-LAUGHTER

-I notice you're shirtless.

-LAUGHTER

It's a double whammy.

But now, what happened...?

Cos the dancing didn't go to plan in Crazy Stupid Love?

-No.

-Oh...

You mean the Dirty Dancing lift?

-That's what I mean.

-Yeah.

-Well...

-We were meant to do that, and then... What happened?

Oh, you don't remember?

Well, I remember, but I'd like to hear you...

-You'd like to hear me tell it?

-Give me your version of it.

Well... Listen.

-When I was...

-LAUGHTER

-Quick story.

-When I was about seven years old... Quick story.

When I was about seven years old, I was in gymnastics class,

and I was on these parallel bars

that are about six feet off the ground,

and I was standing on the top of the bars,

and the teacher was holding me by the ankles,

and somehow or other,

she let go.

And I was standing on this bar,

and I felt myself beginning to tip forward,

and I put my arms in like this,

and I fell six feet to the ground.

And I broke both my arms at the same time.

-Wow.

-Yeah. And so, I...

So, you know, I spent a whole summer... I lived in Arizona,

which is like, 120 degrees, which...

-I don't know what that is in Celsius.

-Hot.

LAUGHTER

Quite hot.

So I had a cast, and all the...

You know, I was just... It was miserable.

It was the day before the last day of school.

Anyway, I had internalised this...

-That's really important part of the story.

-It's an important detail.

LAUGHTER

I really know how to tell a story.

So, anyway...

Years later, when we're doing Crazy Stupid Love,

I know that we're going to do the Dirty Dancing lift.

I don't know, however, that I have an internalised phobia of being...

you know, lifted over someone's head at the height of about six feet.

LAUGHTER

So, I run to do the lift,

and Ryan lifts me over his head, and I...

What did I do, Ryan?

I've never had this happen,

but I imagine if a possum fell out of a tree and...

LAUGHTER

..tried to scratch your eyes out...

LAUGHTER

..it would be something similar.

It was... It was a lot.

And then it was, like, a full meltdown.

I mean, I had, like, a real meltdown.

Yeah. You had to go...

-I had to go...

-You crawled in bed and watched...

-Labyrinth.

-Labyrinth.

LAUGHTER

We were in the house, and she was like,

I have to go watch Labyrinth.

LAUGHTER

For an hour, I went and laid down crying, watching labyrinth.

This is so stupid.

And then Ryan came and was like, "You all right?"

And then the directors came in and were like, "You all right?

"We're going to use a double." And I was like, "Great!

"By the way, Jennifer Connelly is a revelation in this."

LAUGHING

I'd never seen it. Anyway...

Yeah.

-But now... But then, well, you did agree to work together again.

-Yeah.

So, let's talk about La La Land.

It's out tonight.

And it's a really special film, it's kind of... A modern...

-That's overkill, with the...

-How many stars...?

Apparently, it got some good reviews.

LAUGHTER

It's got a lot of stars. Got you.

A lot of those are from our moms.

LAUGHTER

If you look closely, it's like...

Out tonight. It's a modern love story,

but told in this sort of sumptuous,

old-fashioned, kind of Hollywood musical style.

So I guess, talk us through the story a little bit.

I play a woman named Mia, who has been living in LA

and auditioning for six years.

This is an actress tale.

Like, pretty crippling process.

She's been going in for a lot of auditions,

and you see some in the movie...

that are just some pretty hard-core rejections.

And she's working in a coffee shop on a studio lot.

And she's sort of at the end of a rope,

having auditioned and auditioned,

and nothing's really come together.

And Ryan?

I play a struggling jazz musician named Sebastian who...

feels it's his role in life to save jazz.

And...

but instead, is just, you know, playing Christmas jingles

at restaurants and plays in an '80s cover band.

Plays the keytar.

And I guess, for you guys, it must be kind of amazing.

-You must have never...

-That's an important detail.

It was the day before the last day of school...

LAUGHTER

But both of you must have thought you would never get the opportunity

to make a movie like this.

You know, with those big long dance sequences, and all that stuff.

Yeah, it was pretty special.

-Right, Ryan? Right?

-Yeah.

-LAUGHTER

-Special for both of us. Right, Ryan?

-Yes.

LAUGHTER

You know, I grew up loving those old-fashioned Hollywood musicals

from the '50s, but, you know, I think...

I assumed they were a thing of the past,

and then when I met Damien Chazelle, the director, he was...

He was so passionate about making one again and, you know,

not just a kind of nostalgic, "those were the days" kind of film,

but, you know, he felt there was a way to make them feel

-relevant again, so that was, you know, was an exciting idea.

-And...

I mean, any film takes preparation as, you know,

you bulk up for parts, you learn accents,

but the preparation for this thing was so much, cos it's,

you know, the dancing, the singing, I mean...

Could you play the piano before? Yes?

-I play a few chords.

-Emma - "No, he couldn't."

LAUGHTER

He would learn to play the songs in the movie.

Those are his hands the entire time. I mean, he's playing jazz piano.

And he learned it from scratch for the film. I just think it's amazing.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Damn, you're good.

I didn't have a choice.

The director wanted to shoot all of these musical sequence

in one shot and he'd been dreaming about this his whole life,

so it was either shatter his dreams, or...

-LAUGHTER

-..sit down and practise.

And why did you learn how to dance separately? What was that about?

-Well...

-Just the maturity level, really.

-It was...

LAUGHTER

-Lacking of.

-Well...

I think that, I think it was all so maybe a little bit of

a mind game, because I would go every day to my tap lessons,

which I'd never really done before except for a little bit when

I was 12, and we would do these kind of very primitive tap moves,

like you're eight years old, which is the year after I broke my arms.

LAUGHTER

..The day before the last day of school.

Anyway...

We'd do our tap moves and I would say every day,

"How's Ryan doing?

They'd be like, "Oh... He's amazing."

LAUGHTER

"He's doing really well. He's exceeding our expectations."

-I'd be like...

-They were doing the same thing to me.

We'd talk about that later.

So for about two months, I just thought he was the most, you know,

incredible dancer of all time and I was failing miserably

and they put us together and I was like...

"I got this."

LAUGHTER

-I'm coasting.

-Let's watch a clip.

This is Mia and Sebastian sharing a musical moment together.

# City of stars

# Just one thing everybody wants

# There in the bars

# And through the smokescreen of the crowded restaurants

# It's love

# That's all we're lookin' for, is love from someone else

-# A rush

-# A glance

-# A touch

-# A dance

-BOTH:

-# A look in somebody's eyes to light up the skies

# To open the world and send it reeling

# A voice that says, I'll be here

# And you'll be all right

# I don't care if I know

# Just where I will go

# Cos all that I need's this crazy feeling

# A rat-tat-tat on my heart...

# Think I want it to stay... #

Aw...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Er..

We mentioned already the references, kind of, you know,

old Hollywood in it, and Ryan, you went to meet Gene Kelly's widow.

-Is that right?

-Yeah, we both...

-Oh, you both went?

-I thought it was just him.

-We went with the director.

Yeah, it was really wonderful of her to have us in...

She shared a lot of Gene stories and it was kind of like,

you know, kissing the ring, you know, she,

she showed us some of his, you know, old screenplays...

It was so amazing.

She has a room that's basically all archival and we put on,

like, little white gloves and looked through his leather-bound

Singin' In The Rain script, with his notes in the margins,

-and it was just so... It was really amazing, yeah.

-Whoa.

There was a note that said, like, "Hand off the umbrella at the end of the number," or something.

-Really?

-It was really cool.

It was great. And she had a tiny little dog as well, who, at the

end of this wonderful, magical night, we let out into the street.

LAUGHTER

-Maybe don't tell this story.

-Oh, yeah.

LAUGHTER

-Right.

-Right, right.

-Yeah.

So anyway, nothing happened and the dog is fine...

LAUGHTER

-How close was it till the end of school?

-It was...

-the day before the last day!

-Oh, right.

It ended happily, didn't it? The dog's alive?

It did, but there was a moment where both Damien and I were

running around through traffic trying to catch this dog

and Damien looked at me, he's like, "We will not kill...

-"Gene Kelly's widow's dog."

-LAUGHTER

"Relax!"

"This will not be how this story ends."

-And you didn't...

-We didn't.

-You didn't.

-We didn't.

-Yeah...

APPLAUSE

The dog lives.

And is it true, Emma...?

So, Damien Chazelle, the director, he saw you in a musical on Broadway?

EMMA AND SIENNA GASP

Yes, he did.

-And I'm grabbing Sienna because we both did this musical on Broadway.

-Oh...

And that's where we met,

and we had such a nice time getting to know each other.

-We both did Cabaret on Broadway.

-But not at the same time.

Well, yes, at the same time. We fought for the spotlight, honey.

-One musical number...

-INDISTINCT

No, no, at different times, but, yeah, he came to see Cabaret.

-That's where we, that's where...

-And...

You know, people talk about things going wrong on stage, but

when you talk about Cabaret, it just sounds like a litany of disasters.

-That's what it feels like to do Cabaret.

-Yes, totally.

No, it was just... I was sick for, I would say the majority of the run.

And then wasn't there a weird thing with your contact lenses? What happened?

Oh, both of my... So, I'm...

I am also, I have the worst eyesight of any person I've ever met,

not to brag.

Very bad. And I've only ever lost one contact lens at a time,

but on one particular night singing Maybe This Time,

I blinked and both of them came out at the same time,

and I literally cannot see,

and so in the blackout, I was just screaming "Bill,"

who was our mutual co-star. I was like, "Bill, Bill, Bill!"

And he goes like, "What, what, what?"

And had to drag me off in the dark because I just didn't know how to get offstage.

Didn't you have a similar thing when you are doing this?

I was sick for, I got sick a week before we started and then in America I felt like Elvis,

they just pump you full of steroids...

-Oh, they give you so many steroids.

-We were like...

Like little emaciated stick insects. And it's

a pretty nihilistic character. I mean, you go a bit mad anyway.

So that wasn't fun and then, yes, I smashed my eye open on stage.

AUDIENCE GASPS

-And I...

-Good noise, everyone. Very good noise.

I was supposed to be taken off the stage in the blackout,

that moment when you have a spotlight in your eye

and a stagehand is supposed to get you.

So you stand up and you just put your arms out,

because you've been emotional, and someone comes and leads you off.

And he didn't show up,

and then the train station scene started happening,

and I was like, "I can't be here, weeping in the train,"

so I ran, I just ran in my mayhem, into a metal pole.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

-GRAHAM MOUTHS: Very good.

-And Alan Cumming, who was our MC...

So good, again.

But it sounded like a car hitting metal.

Anyway, it split open, and I had to stand up in that window

with just blood pouring down my eye, and then do a curtain call.

And I loved it, there was blood on the stage...

LAUGHTER

And then went back on the next day with an eye like this,

with a fake eyelash, like, "Whoo..."

..it's really good. It's kind of useful in that moment.

The scar's not so good.

Ben, you have sung as well, we have enjoyed your singing.

I wouldn't call it singing, so much as making noises.

LAUGHTER

-They're supposed to sound like something. Yeah, I did...

-You sang?

-RYAN:

-Armageddon, right?

-Thank you, thank you very much.

-Oh, my God, yes!

I humiliated myself in Armageddon in more ways than one, thank you.

What's the song? # Leavin' on a jet plane... #

-Oh, see, you can sing.

-That was me doing you...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Wow. That was harsh. But, no, your son encourages you to sing.

My kids want me to sing, yeah.

They like to sing songs and they listen to, like, Radio Disney,

you know that I mean?

So I have to learn all these pop songs and sing along with them

and hope no-one is watching me.

Sorry, I just have to stop for a second - there is a Radio Disney?

-Of course.

-Do you not know about Radio Disney?

-Does that exist here?

-FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER:

-Whoo!

No, that one woman. That one clappy woman.

This guy looks really angry that it doesn't exist.

Guy's like, "No."

"Stupid Britain, with no Radio Disney."

So it's just Disney songs 24 hours a day?

It's called Radio Disney, so you think it's innocent

and appropriate for children, but it's actually just all pop music.

You know what I mean?

You're like, "I don't know how good an influence Kesha is on them."

LAUGHTER

So, yeah, it's a lot of sexy pop songs.

What Disney songs do you sing, can you sing?

I'm not going to do any of them.

I just want to know, I just want to know.

AUDIENCE ENCOURAGES HIM

I just thought you could say, like, the Moana song or something.

Not do it, just tell me.

I like the thought of you singing along to

The Little Mermaid or whatever.

Imagine it then, it will be so much better in your mind.

-I would never, ever do that to you.

-Thank you for prompting me to sing.

Yes, yes - Ben Affleck's Disney playlist.

Let It Go, morphing into...

Now... Don't worry, I'll stop now.

The other thing that links our characters,

everyone started very young. Ben, the last time you were here,

we enjoyed very much your early work on The Voyage Of The Mimi.

-Yes.

-We are not going to show any more, but to do Google it,

because it is worth seeing.

AUDIENCE: Aww.

Look at that sly dog, what's he got cooking?

That is a very good listening face,

a very good interested listening face.

"Tell me more."

GRAHAM LAUGHS

No, seriously, you really need to Google it.

Now, Sienna, you started,

you were quite young when you started modelling.

I was a short... Yes, I mean, not, like, proper.

LAUGHTER

-Not like that either, no...

-What's improper modelling?

-Yeah, shall we just draw a veil?

-I did a bit, yeah.

And then, Emma, you did some extraordinary work as a child actor.

I mean, take this, Meryl Streep.

-Oh, God.

-RYAN:

-What is that?

-That is genius.

-Is that prosthetics?

-That's The Princess And The Pea.

I did a kind of Edgar G Robinson thing where I was like...

SHE MUTTERS LIKE AN OLD MAN

Kind of a "Yeah, see?"

-It's genius.

-Thank you.

But tonight, with La La Land in mind,

we're going to focus on the early dancing career of Mr Ryan Gosling.

AUDIENCE: Whoo!

-Now...

-Makes sense that the only video you have tonight is...

Yeah, is this.

So the dance troupe you were in, can you tell us about it?

Because, apparently, young dancers can be quite vicious.

It's a cut-throat business.

I had to get out.

LAUGHTER

I was on some kind of a Canadian Star Search,

and I somehow made it to the finals,

and my main competition were these twins who were tap dancers,

-and they were dancing to Phil Collins' Two Hearts.

-Ooh!

And they had big heart-shaped bows and they were just...

They were the ones to beat.

I remember wishing them luck and going on stage,

I was dancing to Everybody Dance Now by C+C Music Factory, of course.

-Mm, yeah.

-And getting ready to start.

This is how you start a winning dance number, if you want to know.

I'm going to get out of your hand's way.

And I look up just off stage and the two twins are standing there

like the twins from The Shining.

And they're just going like this...

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

And I was like, "OK, this means war," so I just shimmied

my way all the way to that trophy, that tiny little trophy.

No, because, is this the same troupe?

I was going to say it's an all-girl troupe and obviously it's not,

you're in it. But...

-Thank you.

-But you are the only boy in it.

-Yeah, that was the point.

-That was the gimmick.

They let me dance there for free because I was a guy,

because if you had a guy, you would win.

Oh, OK. So are you ready to see...?

AUDIENCE: Yes!

I believe you're dancing to Cathy Dennis' classic Touch Me.

-Did the troupe have a name, Ryan?

-It was Elite Dance Studio.

And how old are you in this one?

Old enough to know better.

LAUGHTER

Enjoy.

LAUGHTER

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That would be great even if you weren't famous.

Those were some serious moves, genuinely good.

I wish I could say someone said, "Here, you have to wear this."

But that was my idea, I thought, "I have a vision for this number."

It's purple and silver hammer pants.

The silver hammer pants are...

I don't think we gave them enough of a shot,

we gave up with hammer, but I don't think we should...

We should have kept them going, no?

Yeah, right, we'll cut that part out.

They may come back. Right, it's time for music.

This Grammy-winning artist holds the record

for the most streamed jazz album of all time.

Performing his new single Holding On, please welcome Gregory Porter!

CHEERING

# Weight of love on my shoulders

# I thought that it would be easier than this

# I thought my heart had grown colder

# But the warmth of your kiss I can't dismiss

# Though my past has left me bruised

# I ain't hiding from the truth

# When the truth won't let me lie right next to you

# But it's holding on and it's holding strong

# Even though I tried to make it

# Played the part but I can't fake it

# It keeps holding on

# And it's holding strong

# Even though I tried to break it

# Heaven knows that I can't shake it

# Holding on

# Holding on

# Holding on

# Holding on

# I've seen times that were harder

# I remember the taste of bitterness

# Won't you help me, my father?

# Help me fall in the love that I have missed

# Though my past has left me bruised

# I ain't hiding from the truth

# When the truth won't let me lie right next to you

# But it's holding on

# And it's holding strong

# Even though I tried to make it

# Played the part but I can't fake it

# It keeps holding on

# And it's holding strong

# Even though I tried to break it

# Heaven knows that I can't shake it

# Ho-ho...

# Holding on

# Ho-o-o-lding on

# Ho-o-o-ld

# Ho-o-o-ld

# But it's holding on

# And it's holding strong

# Even though I tried to make it

# Played the part but I can't fake it

# It keeps holding on

# And it's holding strong

# Even though I tried to break it

# Heaven knows that I can't shake it

# Holding on

# Love is holding on

# Holding on

# Ho-o-o-ld. #

-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

-Wow.

Wow! Beautiful job. Gregory Porter, come over.

And keep the applause going for those musicians.

Well done, sir, congratulations, that was beautiful.

Come in, have a seat here beside Ryan.

-There you go.

-How you doing?

-GREGORY:

-Hello.

Thank you, thank you.

-BEN:

-Sounded great.

-GREGORY:

-How you doing? Thank you.

Have a seat. That is... Oh, what a pleasure to hear you sing.

-That is beau-ti-ful.

-Thank you, thank you.

I was going to tell YOU that's off the album Take Me To The Alley,

but you probably know that.

So it's off the album, which is out now, and Grammy nominated.

Yes, mm-hmm.

AUDIENCE: Whoo!

-Are you going to go?

-Absolutely, yeah.

-And when is it?

It is - oh, oh, oh - February 12th.

-OK.

-I think!

We'll be thinking of you on the night. Good luck to you.

And, of course, it's interesting that you're here the night of

a movie that's all about jazz. Have you seen La La Land?

You know what, I saw La La Land

on a kind of dodgy Russian download website...

LAUGHTER

I don't... I don't condone that.

Gregory, we didn't need that bit of the story.

But these are the cast, great, great work.

Yeah, "I'd just stolen a car and..."

But no, I had to see it, I was back home, I had no opportunity,

I'm cleaning leaves from the gutter and all kinds of...

Nobody cares about me being a Grammy-award-winning artist at home,

they don't care, they like, "Take the garbage out."

-So your perk was to see La La Land.

-Yeah, so I saw it.

While breaking the law.

While breaking the Law Law Land.

Ohhh.

APPLAUSE

-On fire.

-Turn it into something funny.

Can I have a sip of this whisky here?

Oh, do, have a sip, sir, you've earnt it.

And very quickly, why is your nickname "Stinky"?

And I may regret asking that question.

-Y'all do some serious research.

-Yeah, really serious(!)

Me and my brother were running around a friend's house,

and he jumped up on the porch and jumped off the porch,

and over the rail of the porch.

And I tried to do the same thing - my brother's a little bit bigger.

I tried to do the same thing and my foot got caught.

So I go about four feet to the ground, head-first.

I didn't break both my arms, but...

-Was it the day before the last day at school?

-Was it the day before the last day at school?

But on the grass, on the ground, was a fresh, hot pile of dog...

shit.

So, I don't know if you know about American black families,

the way we feed our dogs - we feed them the scraps from the table.

Corn, chicken bones...

OTHER GUESTS GROAN

So all of that was just...

So as my little nine-year-old arms tried to brace myself...

-"Argh!"

-AUDIENCE GROANS

This dog's dookie went all the way to the back of my throat.

Ohhh!

-Oh, no.

-And so obviously I spit it out, washed my mouth out...

GRAHAM LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

-This is the worst part.

-This is the worst part?! What's the worst part?!

You know how when you get a little dog dookie on your fingers,

you wash it off, but it's still there?

-Yes.

-So for about two days I would talk, and I'd be like, "Hey..."

But there was still the flavour.

ALL: Eugh!

And that's why I sing good today.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much. You sing more than good, you sing beautiful.

Gregory Porter, thank you very much.

Listen, before we go - and I've a funny feeling the stories

won't be as good as that -

we've got... Let's just hear it for that, eugh.

We've got time for our first visit of 2017 to the Big Red Chair.

-So who is there?

-Hello, Graham.

-Hi, did you fall in some dog shit?

-No, unfortunately not.

-And what's your name?

-John.

-And are you from Scotland?

-I am from Glasgow, yes.

-And do you live there still or...?

-London now.

-London. What do you do down here?

-I work in sales.

What sort of things do you sell?

-Toiletries, products, things like that.

-Close, close.

Toiletries, lovely. Off you go with your story, John.

OK, so I'm about 14 years old, in school one day,

and a guy comes up to me and my friends and gives us

a floppy disk and says, "Check this out tonight when you go home."

So on the way home from school, I'm thinking,

"This is really dodgy," so I decided to go to a friend's house,

he's the son of a vicar and has a PC in his bedroom, I didn't have that.

So, go to his bedroom, put the floppy disk in the PC,

open it up and it's like a treasure chest of porn.

We're like, "Jackpot, this is awesome."

So I'm like, "Let's be clever about this, let's hide all

"the images so if someone finds the disk, they'll think it's empty."

So I select all the images, right-click on the mouse,

scroll down, go to click "hide"

but somehow accidentally end up pressing "print".

Now his computer's on a home network,

his mum - the wife of a vicar - is in his family room

where the printer is, she's practising the church piano,

for the songs for the church organ that Sunday.

The printer starts to go, "Du-dut, du-dut..."

So he goes, "John, we're dead, what we going to do?"

I'm like, "Don't panic, we didn't know what was on the disk,

"we opened the disk up, horrified and disgusted by what

"we found, we tried to delete it all but accidentally pressed 'print'."

So he's like, "Cool, cool, good cover story."

About 20 minutes later, the printer's still going.

His mum comes up, sheet white,

she's probably never seen anything like this in her life before,

and she just goes, "Why is there nonstop porn

"printing from the computer?"

So my friend just crumbles, starts crying and goes,

"It's all John's fault!"

Shall we let John walk? We'll let John walk.

CHEERING

-Flip me, flip me!

-Oh, you want me to flip?

OK.

If you want to join us on the show and have a go at the red chair,

you can contact us via our website.

That is it for tonight,

please say thank you to my guests - Mr Gregory Porter!

-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

-Ryan Gosling! AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

-Emma Stone! AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

-Sienna Miller! AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

-And Ben Affleck! AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

Join me next week with music from Ed Sheeran,

actress Christina Ricci and Oscar winner Matthew McConaughey.

I'll see you then, good night, everybody, bye-bye!

CHEERING

I didn't know, thankfully, till later, that I was sort of a...

It's hard to say - a sex symbol or something.

Whatever that means.

So I went into a store one day, and this boy said,

"Oh, are you Princess Leia?" "Yes."

"I thought about you every day from when I was 12 till I was 22."

And I said, "Every day?"

And he said, "Well, four times a day."

-Oh, what?!

-See, you have that to look forward to.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE