Pet Secrets Britain's Secrets with Anne Robinson

I've spent a lifetime asking awkward questions,

the ones we all want to know the answers to, but - apart from me -

are probably too polite to ask.

What's wrong with being ugly?

Do you think you're a good enough mother?

I think I'm a fantastic mother.

-Do you have to say that on camera?

-Yes.

'I've been up and down Britain putting people on the spot,

'demanding to know those things that really matter to them,

'but they'd rather not talk about.'

-Are you in a relationship?

-It's complicated.

'Our obsession with how we look.

'Our worry about being a good enough mother.'

It's a bit like how I train my dog.

'The secrets we don't tell anyone.

'Discovering what really goes on behind closed doors.'

-Hello!

-Wendy.

'Tonight, our absurd passion for pets.'

Wow.

'Half of us in Britain own some sort of pet,

'a figure much higher than any of our European neighbours.

'Why are we so daft and sentimental about animals?'

Is that it?

'Because they're much nicer than humans?'

I would never settle for any love from anybody that is less

than what the rabbit gave me.

'Because they enhance our social standing?'

When you're looking at it between two pricked ears,

you feel as though you own that castle.

'Or because they allow us to be very silly indeed?'

Good evening, it's Magnificats live from London.

'I'm also going to give two devoted dog owners the chance

'to compare their entirely opposite ways of adoring their pooches.'

-Dog beer.

-Dog beer? Really?

Mind you, they're not driving.

I want to understand - what is the point of your pet?

Whoa, steady! Steady!

THUMP

You so nearly landed right on your feet, Anne!

Ellie! Come on! Sit!

I've never been without a dog.

This is Ellie.

She's a very contrary working cocker spaniel

and life without her would be unthinkable.

She has seen me through a divorce, a daughter's wedding,

the birth of two grandchildren

and countless other huge occasions.

As a nation, of course, we're animal mad,

but other people's pets - it's sometimes hard to see the attraction,

but I'm going to try.

The pets we choose to be bonkers about reveal a lot about who we are.

Bird fanciers - I hate birds, by the way - are outgoing.

Those who keep snakes are said to be independent.

I'd say creepy.

A horse owner is likely to be aspirational.

I'd say posh.

'My journey to finding the point of other people's pets

'starts in Windsor, part of the Royal County of Berkshire, with Lucy.

'Posh? My dear, she used to be editor of Horse & Hound.'

Hi. 'Here's her pet, Rosey.'

I don't know if she'll come and say hello.

She's a bit of a grumpy one.

-Come on, Rosey.

-Why is she so grumpy?

Well, um, she likes her own space.

Actually, she's being quite pleasant.

But often, she meets you with a sort of ears back snap...

a bit more like that.

She doesn't like being touched. She likes her own space.

She's not a great friend in the stable, but absolutely lovely

when you're on her back.

-Did you grow up with horses?

-No, I didn't, oddly enough.

I was just the classic little girl who fell for them completely.

I had a little corner in my bedroom, my horse corner,

where I had little ceramic horses and I kept a list

of every pony I had ridden at the riding school.

-What's the point of her for you?

-She is excitement.

You know, I've hunted her, I've evented her.

She is relaxation.

She's time out of the rest of my life.

Are the children and your husband as enthusiastic about your hobby?

They are not horse people through and through,

so they do groan a bit. "Oh, Mum's off to the yard.

"Mum's in her jodhpurs," you know, "We can't do X or Y,

"we're going to have to go to the yard."

'Even worse, Rosey's upkeep runs to a lot more than my Ellie's dog food.'

These shoes are really special ones with pads and they are,

um, £130 every six weeks, if I'm lucky.

Even a little brush is probably £20 for a nice leather one

and it costs a lot of money to insure a horse,

because there's so much you can do to help them.

-How much a year?

-Well, about £700 I spent insuring her a year.

-And the livery costs?

-It's around about £900 a month to keep a horse here.

It's like having another child at quite a smart school.

On a quick piece of arithmetic, we're looking towards 16 grand a year.

-Do you have to say that on camera?

-Yes.

'Indeed. In Britain, we spend more money on our pets

'than any other country in Europe.'

We've got all sorts in here.

Wow.

Some people get excited by handbags or stationery.

-Does tack...?

-I think for most riders, tack does it.

You know, the smell of a tack shop is better than the smell of a baker.

You know, that combination of glycerine and leather and sweat.

And horse smell and manure and...

You sound as though you recognise, remember the smell.

I was a member of the Pony Club.

I got the tie, got the badge, a bit of eventing,

but I was one of those who sort of...

Not lost interest, but stopped around 16.

-Mm.

-But you never forget it.

It's like riding a bike. It's with you for life.

'Hmm. We'll see.

'It's a long time since I trotted out in my Pony Club tie, but here goes.

'I'm joining Lucy and her friend, another Lucy,

'for a spin around Royal Windsor Great Park.'

# I'm back in the saddle again. #

'A decent place for a Queen of Mean.'

If you had to choose between motherhood and horses?

That's a really low, below the belt question, actually.

-Of course it is.

-I never craved having children,

as women are supposed to.

I have two lovely children I am thrilled to bits with,

but it's the pony, the horse that I wanted all my life.

Of course, you would never give your children up, but then, I will have

my love of horses and my time on a horse long after the children

have given up visiting.

Look at that. Absolutely gorgeous.

Fantastic.

-Is this why you do it?

-Yes.

It's magic, isn't it?

It's like going to a movie premiere on the arm of Daniel Craig to me.

It's just...

I think it's better than on the arm of Daniel Craig, actually.

Well, I mean, you feel as though you own that castle, really.

When you're looking at it between two pricked years.

Well, we do own it, Lucy One and Lucy Two.

We don't get to visit it, but we do own it.

MUSIC: Black Beauty Theme

'And aren't I doing well keeping up with the Lucies.'

Oh! Steady, steady, steady. No.

-THUD!

-It's all right.

You're OK, you're all right.

'That loud bump is an ageing TV presenter hitting the ground.'

Actually, you so nearly landed right on your feet, Anne.

-You were very nearly on your feet.

-'I did.'

Anyway, bravely having dusted myself down and shot the horse,

I move on to Lucy's home in Eton College.

-Hello!

-Thank you.

This is Pepper. Showing you the way.

'Lucy's husband Tex is a house master at Eton.

'One with an equal passion for horses?'

Tex, does Rosey fill you with as much enthusiasm as she does Lucy?

Yes, certainly she does, because she is a great excuse

to get these two out during the dark December afternoons.

The greatest excuse is that you've got a horse that needs walking.

Do you find Rosey a bit of a luxury?

Oh, a complete luxury, yes.

But as long as Lucy is earning her own wage,

then that's absolutely fine.

And is her personality different when she's with Rosey?

There's no doubt that at the end of a couple of hours away from

A - away from me and the children, but B - definitely having been

with the horse for a couple of hours, she's been in her own

space and she comes back a very much changed and more relaxed person.

So you've got something to be grateful for for Rosey,

even if she costs 20 grand a year?

It's an expensive way to get a relaxed wife, but, yes,

it's probably worthwhile.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-Pleasure.

Thank you!

'As a far rustier rider than I'd imagined,

'I hadn't surreally expected to rekindle my love affair with horses, but...'

I actually totally get the point of Rosey the horse.

What Rosey gives Lucy is an escape,

a refuge and, most importantly,

what most mums long for, a sense of self.

'If a horse can give Lucy her own identity,

'what's the best a dog can offer?

'Alan was once a nurse.

'He now lives precariously in Brighton with Obi,

'his Tibetan terrier.'

Tell me about your life originally.

-What was your job?

-I was a psychiatric nurse for 26 years of my life.

-And how did it all collapse?

-I had quite a large heart attack

and damaged my health completely.

I became incredibly depressed.

My wife said to me, "I can't see any future in us."

-Oh.

-And I agreed.

Why couldn't she see any future?

I completely lost respect for myself.

-Yeah.

-In doing that, I completely disrespected her.

Tell me how you and Obi came together.

My wife decided to give me a parting gift.

She said, "This will keep you alive."

Oh.

-So she had the house...

-She had the house, I got the dog.

And the Dyson.

'Alan's life continued to spiral downward.

'Homeless, he and Obi ended up sleeping rough on Brighton beach.'

-And were you very depressed?

-Oh, yes.

-How depressed?

-Suicidally depressed.

Walking along on the edge of cliffs depressed.

Come on!

What stopped you from walking over?

My phone rang

and it was my friend saying to me, "You have to come and get Obi.

"He's tearing this place apart."

-Do you think Obi knew what you were doing?

-Yeah.

Yeah. It's extraordinary, isn't it, the power.

That's when I realised I couldn't be... I won't be without him.

Obi is the reason you're alive.

He is the reason I'm alive.

'Sometimes Alan does manage to get a bed for the night in

'a local hostel, but it's not easy.'

-We are officially still homeless.

-Yes.

Even if we do have a roof over our heads,

it's known as temporary accommodation.

Landlords mostly reject people with pets,

so Alan campaigns in Brighton,

hoping to make people realise how tough this is.

-Do you want me to hold anything?

-No, you're all right.

'I've agreed to lend a hand.

'We can't actually ask for money.

'Instead, we're putting on a performance

'in the hope of collecting for his awareness charity.'

Let's get the show on the road, Alan.

MUSIC: Heatwave by Martha Reeves and the Vandellas

-Do you want to dance with us?

-I'm all right, thank you.

Don't you want to dance? Come on.

Come on. Come and dance.

Will you come and dance to our music for a minute?

Because you look so fabulous.

Thank you, Anne, but I'd rather not, if you don't mind.

Go on.

We'll keep trying.

-Do you not want to see me dance?

-No, no.

Would you like to dance with us?

Would you like to dance with us?

'I'm possibly not skilled enough for Britain's Got Talent.

'But maybe Obi is.'

-Oh, great.

-Thank you very much. Thank you.

-Thank you.

-That's very kind.

Thank you very much.

Have a lovely day in Brighton.

'Exhausted from all that jigging about,

'apparently called performance-based art - who knew? -

'Alan is taking me out for dinner.'

How do you share out a pan like that? Half and half?

I give him a fair chunk of it in his bowl, because we share everything.

You ready? There you go.

-Is he not having any gravy or potatoes?

-No.

I wouldn't give that crap to him.

You're going to give it to me, though.

Yes, but you're human.

Yes. Well, people don't always think so.

Very good.

Is he not allowed a little of mine?

Give him a little bit if you want.

Alan, if someone said to you, "What's the point of a pet?" What would you say?

To me, Obi is not a pet.

He's a child and he's my child

and I will not be parted from him.

What is the biggest way he assists you?

Just keeping me alive.

Keeping me alive, giving me a purpose to go on.

And why might...? Excuse me.

OK.

What do you want? What do you want, eh? What do you want?

-Very nicely done, isn't it?

-Oh, yes.

What are your dreams now, for you and Obi?

To get a forever home, but presently, we've been waiting

for 14 months, because a lot of landlords don't want dogs.

So in a way, the most important person in your life

is slowing down your chances.

I just wouldn't be without him.

I would rather wait ten years.

Society has failed Alan.

He has slipped through that great net that is meant to catch

people like him, so Obi has taken the place of the welfare state

and any caring humans.

Mind you, I'm not sure Obi is quite aware of all the skills

that Alan credits him with.

His child, his companion, his protector, his saviour.

But there's no doubt, without Obi,

Alan's life would've been over a long time ago.

Alan treats Obi as his equal - well, give or take the potatoes and gravy.

Where does your pet stand in the hierarchy of the family?

I've asked two dog owners with vastly different views on the matter to spend time together.

You're going to like this.

Richard is a retired city banker

who now enjoys his country estate in Devon.

Richard and his wife have five flat-coat retrievers,

all of them trained gun dogs, which means they earn their keep.

WHISTLE

There's nothing nicer than having an obedient dog.

Go on!

You have a great deal of influence over how your dogs behave and it's

up to you to train them to behave in a way that you want them to behave.

WHISTLE

There is a temptation when you see behaviour and you will humanise it.

You may interpret it as close to human behaviour, but it's not.

It's dog behaviour.

Richard is off to Hertfordshire, 200-odd miles away,

to live very differently for a couple of days with another dog owner.

At this point he knows nothing.

It would be a joy if it was someone

with five well-trained flat-coated retrievers,

but it's not going to be, is it?

All right, let's go. Come on, Harry.

He's taking two of his flat-coats, Harry and Jet,

to the suburban gem of Stevenage.

And he has a chance to nosey round.

I have no idea what to expect, but I'm looking forward to it.

Is that for dogs?

Or is that for a child?

You could possible walk your dogs in it, but then,

that wouldn't really be walking, would it?

Well, clearly there are a number of dogs that live here.

There's four bowls there and two by the front door,

so there could be six in here, I don't know.

You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to spot the clues here.

I'm assuming a small dog sleeps in there.

I think dachshunds are probably living here.

Quite a lot of dachshunds.

Well, there's a handbook to fill in the blanks.

"Welcome to our pet palace, where dogs are treated like royalty.

"The princes and princesses who are here all live

"a very indulgent lifestyle." I can see that!

"My dogs are my world. Everything I do revolves around them.

"I would do anything for my furbabies."

I think most of us would do anything for our dogs,

except perhaps call them "furbabies".

"My dogs are my family, they are my soul mates, my heartbeat.

"I kiss my babies every day. I want them to know how much I love them."

You don't always have to kiss them for them to know that you love them.

OK, it's pretty obvious Richard's not about to meet anyone

connected with guns and dead birds.

YAPPING

Good boy, good boy.

-Come in.

-Whoops! Someone's excited to be home.

-Hello!

-Hello. Hello!

-How are you?

-Who's this?

Hello, pups. Hello, pup-pup-pups. I should say hello.

-I'm Richard, by the way.

-I'm Ewa. Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

-Ella, is it?

-Ewa.

-Ewa.

-Ewa.

We've got Lulu down there, Nino here. That's Minnie.

This is her sister, Maxie. And these are Minnie's children, Ada and Stan.

-Good girl! So, what do you think of my pet palace?

-Oh, gosh!

I mean, I've discovered everything. I know everything about you.

EWA LAUGHS

They're obviously a big part of your life and there's a lot of them.

-Do you ever feel that they're in control of you and...?

-Totally.

They think that I'm their servant,

but I wouldn't change it for the world. They are my family.

They are my heart, my life and I could not be without one of them.

BARKING

It's OK! It's just the postman!

Having recovered from a package being delivered, Ewa is taking

Richard and his flat-coats to her doggy beauty parlour.

Richard might have to lie down.

My dogs love coming to the spa.

They're the Monte Carlo of the dogs, so they like a good pamper,

they like looking fabulous, smelling great.

You sure they wouldn't like a good scamper round down by a muddy river?

-Definitely not.

-Really?

-Definitely not.

Richard naturally is completely baffled watching something

that Ewa describes as the highlight of her week.

One of the treatments dogs have here is paw balm, which rehydrates

the bottom of their paws, and it also goes on their noses as well.

-No, I definitely think he needs some paw balm.

-Really? Why?

They feel beautiful. Look at them. Just feel it.

I have these dogs' records going back to 1869.

If one of those breeders from 1869 was to catch me in a salon

applying balm to that dog's paws, I think they'd turn in their grave.

So a no to the paw balm. What about Stanley's Jacuzzi?

MUSIC: Je T'Aime...Moi Non Plus by Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin

That nice on your muscles? Oh, what a handsome boy!

-He honestly looks like he just wants to get out.

-Oh, he doesn't.

-His tail's wagging.

-Is it?

I think his tail could be wagging, actually, yeah.

It's his tail wagging. Good boy! You in your Jacuzzi?

Would you allow your dogs to have a spa day and get in the Jacuzzi?

Er, no, I wouldn't. You know, I'm happy to have my dogs groomed

and I think they look better groomed,

but there's kind of a line, I suppose, between grooming and

pampering, you know, which is the one that you've crossed!

# Je t'aime Oh, oui, je t'aime... #

So, Richard's very old-school.

I wish he'd give it a chance and, you know,

see the benefits from his dogs working so hard.

He might even get more work out of them!

I don't think they will perceive it as being a treat

and it wouldn't do anything for me, either, you know,

in terms of me wanting to treat the dogs like that.

It's just another world. But for YOUR dogs, why not?

-Thank you so much!

-A little spritz spray?

Richard, are you going to let them have a little go?

Don't be silly, Ewa.

-There we go.

-Harry, how's that?

-There we go.

I'm going to give him a sniff at about midnight tonight to see

if it's still lingering.

-It'll linger for about a week.

-A week?! Good grief.

Come on, then. Come on.

-Come on, boys!

-We're out. Let's go. Leave Stan alone.

I know he's irresistible...

-"More irresistible" is what I meant to say.

-It's the smell.

-I know!

'I'm not the only soppy dog owner in our family.

'My daughter Emma has a great, galumphing, irresistible

'English setter who never has a dull moment.

'We're a nation divided - soppy dog owners versus disturbed cat owners.

'I truly cannot see the point of a cat.

'But I AM prepared to be persuaded.'

-Hello, Lauren.

-Hello. Nice to meet you.

-Anne Robinson.

-I've never been to a cat emporium before.

-No, many people haven't.

MUSIC: The Love Cats by The Cure

'Lauren's cafe is in London's cutting-edge East End.

'You can't bring your own cat, but you can look at Lauren's.

'Why on earth would you want to?'

-I can't see any cats.

-No, no, they're not allowed in here.

This is where we do all our food preparations.

-How many cats have you got?

-We have 13.

-13 cats?

-Yes.

Shall we go and have a look?

Absolutely. I'll take you on through.

'Cats? I promise, I'm keeping my mind wide open.'

This one's got quite a big tail.

Yeah, this is Peter and he loves people. He's very, very friendly.

Hey, Pete. Hey, buddy!

But this one is very affectionate,

so she'll very happily take a cuddle from you if you give her a pet.

See, this is my problem, Lauren.

-My spaniel, she squeals with delight when I do that.

-It's true.

They have a very understated way of responding.

She doesn't even look as if she's noticed.

Keep moving it quickly. She'll go after it.

Or not, as the case may be. She's not in the least bit interested.

Would you like me to try?

'I am truly trying to get the point.'

So, if you hide it behind something, she'll jump.

-Is that it?

-Er, no. You can have them do a little bit of jumping up.

-Well, what's the point of that?

-It's fun and relaxing.

-For who?

For me, and it gets them to get some more energy out, and then,

after a while, when they get tired, like a dog does, they can relax.

It's basically their version of exercise.

'For goodness' sake!

'Animal exercise is Ellie running flat out for an hour.'

Cat lovers! THEY LAUGH

Hi.

'I need these cat owners to make the case.'

-What's the point of a cat?

-They're very relaxing.

-Yeah...

They're very chilled out and they're very beautiful.

So you can enjoy just looking at them.

That's all there is to do, though, isn't it, look at them?

-No, absolutely not!

-You interact with them, as well.

-If you call your cats, do they come to you?

-Sometimes.

-That's the point.

-That's my very point!

-But I like that.

I like the anarchic-ness about cats.

-They're a bit sassy, like you.

-THEY LAUGH

-So, what can your cats do?

-My cat used to play the piano, basically.

-Do you mean she walked on the keys?

-Yes, the keyboard. Yes, it's true.

You're making us all sound mad.

My cleverest cat, he opens the door handle and he'll go through doors.

I had an old English sheepdog who could do that.

This isn't a competition, is it? It's not cats versus dogs.

I wouldn't have come to a cafe to boast about the fact that my

dog could open a door.

If there's something good the other side, the dog will learn...

You were asking!

I'm just sort of proving my point, that cats are more limited in

their tricks than dogs.

Well, cats go viral the world over, don't they?

-Cat videos rule the internet.

-Yeah...

-What do we say about that?

'Well, if we weren't very polite, we might say, "So what?"

'Those cat people worship their pets,

'but they haven't changed my mind.

'Psychologists believe the pet you choose reveals who you are.

'Cat owners, for example, are said to be self-contained,

'whereas dog owners are more sociable and accepting.

'Well, SOME dog owners are accepting.

'Back to Ewa, who regards her dogs as her babies.

'I bet that surprises you(!)'

-Tonight is steak night for the pooches.

-So, why do you do that?

-Is that just another treat?

-That's a treat, yes.

-After a nice, hard, long week, they deserve to have a steak.

-Come on.

-How hard has this week been for these dogs?

-Richard, look at them!

It's very hard being this fabulous.

That's right.

STEAKS SIZZLE

-So, what time do the dogs normally eat?

-Six o'clock.

I have one that does a protest pee if she doesn't get her

dinner by six o'clock.

-So if you feed her on time, you're OK.

-Yep.

-If you run over time...

If I make her wait, she will protest pee.

But as it's now quarter to seven...

So, there's the protest pee, Richard, look, underneath here.

-Oh, gosh, yes, there it is.

-Yeah, there it is.

She's peed underneath there.

Are you ready for your dinner? Go, go, go!

It's over here. Minnie! Minnie, in you come.

-She's not used to you doing it.

-In you come.

-Good girl!

-Good girl.

Steak, paw balm, protest-peeing -

Richard's off to a hotel to reflect on what

he probably is not quite certain he's witnessed.

From everything I've seen today, er, clearly, Ewa enjoys, I'd say,

humanising her dogs, as many owners probably do.

-Could I have some kisses?

-SHE KISSES

-Can I have some kisses?

-SHE KISSES

'I do think people judge people that spoil their dogs,

'because I get judged.

'But I know that I'm giving them the best I possibly can and

'they've got a very good life and they're very happy.'

And I know that I've done my best for them.

Next morning, a walk for all the dogs.

In Ewa's world, that doesn't happen without a lot of preparation.

She looks gorgeous!

In a year, if you take everything into account,

what do you reckon the total budget is for the pups?

I dread to say. Probably anything around...

between 15,000 to 17,000, maybe...?

So, that's the cost of a medium-sized car on six little dogs.

MUSIC: Oh! Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison

Dressed for a cocktail party, the dogs are ready to roll.

And I mean that literally.

This is how two of Ewa's dogs go for a walk.

It's a lot easier getting my dogs ready for a walk!

# ..Walkin' down the street

# Pretty woman The kind I like to meet... #

DOGS BARK

-Go nicely.

-Who's that?

Tell me why you use a pram when you're out walking the dogs.

So, generally, for safety more than anything.

I had a bad experience with Maxie. She was spooked by a bigger dog

and she must've ran around two miles until I caught up with her.

If there would've been a road there, she wouldn't be here now.

Is there any way that I could persuade you to take Ada off

-the lead today?

-No, Richard, not at the moment.

I haven't got the confidence to let her run without

a lead in an uncontrolled environment.

So you have an enormous desire to protect them,

-that's what you're saying.

-Yes.

-Yeah, which I can understand.

DOGS BARK

Who's that? Harris! Come on, say hello. Slowly.

Slowly. Slowly.

Harris, stop it! Run!

Slowly, Harris.

See, this is a lot more fun, isn't it?

Harry, come. Come on.

Harry, come. Harry, come.

It's an odd thing to see dogs dressed up like that and then

enclosed in a sort of pram-type thing and then walked.

But, you know, I reckon little Stanley and little Ada

would love nothing better than to be off lead,

haring across the lawn and then racing back to Mum and carrying on.

I mean, dog stuff.

Dog stuff around these parts

doesn't have to be any field or a park, though.

This is Ewa's local.

Here's a couple of menus for you humans.

-Thank you.

-Obviously, we have the dog menu there.

Thank you.

A dedicated dog menu?

There's some dog beer as well, OK?

-Dog beer?

-Dog beer.

-Really?

Mind you, they're not driving.

At the end of his stay, what does Richard really think?

So, Richard, what are you going to have for lunch?

I think the human's going to try some Wobbly Bottom mature cheddar.

Excellent.

And I think, because the dogs are facing a five-hour drive,

and they deserve a treat...

-At last!

-At last.

-At last.

-That some chicken would do them no harm at all.

-Excellent.

So, Richard, with regards to my dog buggy and the clothes,

what are your thoughts on that?

I think if you could cut down on the amount that you spend on clothes

and increase the amount that you spend on training,

I think that would be a win-win situation.

And letting his dogs have lunch from the dog menu

is about the only thing Richard has conceded.

And just wait for how Ewa copes with that fresh air in Devon.

Whatever differences of opinion there might be on pampering,

pets can improve your wellbeing.

Stroking an animal increases serotonin and dopamine levels.

So you might argue the more pets you have, the happier you will be.

On this logic, Sarah, who lives in Coulston

and has 11 hairy friends, must be brimming with joy.

Hello, Sarah. I hope I've come to rabbit land.

You've come to see my bunnies.

-Oh, bunnies.

-Excellent.

Bunnies, not rabbits.

Sarah's not overlarge home has been taken over by rabbit accommodation

inside and out.

Why rabbits?

Are they trained rabbits, then?

No, they weren't trained, but they do play along with me.

So, normally, Cheeky would do what now?

Come straight over to me.

Cheeky! To-doo!

Cheeky-Cheeky!

OK, let me try with Cheeky.

Cheeky?

Cheeky-Cheeky!

You're showing me up, Cheeky-pants.

Come here. Hello, baby.

Cheeky...

-Is he trying to get away from you now?

-Yeah.

-What's this one called?

-Sugar.

Sugar! Come on, boo-boo.

-Who is this?

-Flynn.

And if you call Flynn, what happens?

-He ignores me.

-Does he? Always?

-Yeah.

I've counted three, although we don't know where Cheeky is now.

This is my Socksy.

-He's all on his own.

-I know.

-Why is that?

Because I lost Snowdrop.

How long ago did you lose Snowdrop?

Two years ago. She was my heart bunny.

I used to feel her pain.

-It's them two I have on a tattoo.

-Really? Can I see?

Yeah, it's from a photo.

Wow.

Heart and soul bunny.

Just like a soul mate, almost.

How long have you had Socks?

Nearly eight years

and he's cost nearly £8,000 in his time with vet bills.

And if you were to add up vet's fees for all your rabbits...?

Don't ask me that!

I've lied to myself about that for years.

-Roughly.

-Roughly...

40,000 to 60,000.

'I could get half a dozen Chanel handbags for that.'

So far, we've seen four rabbits.

There's another seven in the garden.

-OK...

-Do rabbits like rain?

Erm...they're not bothered by it, to be honest.

Hello, Teddy-boos.

Hello, boo-boo.

What happens to you when you're cuddling them?

I just feel centred.

It's just calming and it... It takes over anything...

It's just good for stress, I guess.

She's right.

15 minutes of stroking can also reduce our blood pressure by 10%.

More fun than a low-salt diet.

Stevie, Stevie, Stevie Bun-bun Baby Bad Boy.

No, you're not even talking to me, are you?

Stevie Bun-bun Baby Bad Boy, that's his name.

And what's the other one called?

Jess.

He hates me!

He gives me attitude.

Nothing but attitude,

but I love them all equally for being what they are.

-Irrespective of how they are to you?

-Yes.

Come here, gorgeous. Hello, poppet.

There's Dorothy. Oh, Dorothy.

Isn't she pretty?

If you just hold her right underneath her bottom

and make her feel safe. She won't hurt you.

I feel a bit odd, Sarah, holding Dorothy.

Where I live in the country,

I'm afraid what we do with rabbits is shoot them.

It's shot to pot, as they say in the country.

You shoot and you cook and you eat.

-I've turned a corner here.

-Ooh...

Because now that I've cuddled Dorothy and Dorothy isn't

struggling to get away...

Do you know, that absolutely breaks my heart to hear that.

Do you feel guilty now, looking at her?

Erm...

No, because I think she's different.

She's a pet.

Well, she's not getting any bad vibes off you, especially

-seeing with the conversation you've just had in front of her.

-No.

And having 11 rabbits got Sarah through her divorce.

Splitting up with someone, you're not just...

losing them, you're losing the whole time you had with them

and I'd been with my husband since I was 17.

When a marriage splits up, I mean, it's like a car crash, isn't it?

-Absolutely.

-And people do all sorts of things to try and recover.

They perhaps drink too much or go clubbing...

-Yeah.

-..or have therapy.

-Your rabbits became an important way for you to recover yourself.

-Yeah.

Rabbits like me

and they've taught me people are stupid.

People are unkind, people are disappointing.

How can a rabbit teach you that?

Seeing the way people act towards them.

The rabbits do have a way of showing quite a lot of integrity in people

and it's very true to say to see how a man treats a rabbit

is pretty much the true reflection of the character.

And I will never settle for any love from anybody that is

less than what a rabbit gave me.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Not the fact that I want to be in love with a rabbit!

It seems to me you've experienced this

fantastic swell of unconditional love from your rabbits.

And...

that might make it difficult to have a relationship with a man

who could possibly provide that standard of love.

I think it's easy.

It's just love me for who I am, love me for what I do.

Just catch me when I fall and love me for what...

For me.

What did you make of that?

I can certainly see the part rabbits play in Sarah's life.

They bring her joy.

They apparently love her, although it was hard to see,

and she certainly loves them.

And, of course, unlike her doomed marriage,

they're never going to disappoint her or let her down,

except when they die.

Is it healthy to replace humans

with pets when it comes to relationships and love?

I don't see why not.

Meanwhile, Ewa, the marketing executive and pet pamperer -

or should that be the other way round? -

has arrived in Devon.

Wow. Look at this lovely, lovely, big house.

I feel like a lady of the manor already.

Let's have a look.

Oh, wow, look at this.

And it's her turn to snoop around the home of no-nonsense Richard.

Ooh...

"No dogs on this sofa."

So, like, my house, every inch, nook and cranny,

there's something doggy somewhere. Like, it's just one big shrine,

but it doesn't seem to be like that here.

Haven't seen any dog beds yet, which is very strange.

And no dog buggies or tutus to wear for walkies in these parts.

This is more like it!

Dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs and a toilet.

They should be around the house.

Ah!

Dog beds.

This is more like it for me.

There's quite a few cages.

I'd definitely bling them up a little bit.

I'd have lots of little toys in there for them.

If they're boys, it would be blue. If it was girls, it would be pink.

Some teddy bears.

Would mine like it?

I don't think so.

Richard's dog routine is very clear from the handbook.

"Welcome to our home and our holiday cottages.

"All dogs are welcome here." How lovely.

"I love my Flatcoats, but they are working dogs first, pets second

"and I don't refer them to me as family members."

Hmm... That, I don't like.

"I would consider re-homing a dog that lacked biddability

"and would not work for me."

-Hi, Ewa, how are you?

-Hi.

Welcome to Devon.

It's good to see you.

-Nice to see you again.

-And you.

-This is my wife.

-Very nice to meet you.

-How are you?

-I'm very well. You've brought lovely weather with you.

-Thank you.

So the one thing I picked up from the handbook was that you

love your dogs, but you don't refer to them as your family.

No, I think family for me are human beings,

so family is my children, family is my mum, family is my sister,

family is obviously my wife...

-But you love your dogs.

-I do.

But I just call them my dogs.

I also read that you,

if a dog wouldn't do what you wanted it to do, you would rehome it.

We've rehomed one dog.

I didn't have him since he was a pup.

Maybe if I had, I'd have had a chance

to build a stronger relationship with him.

If a dog WILL not work for you, in other words,

it probably doesn't WANT to do that, is this the best home for it?

Ewa's about to observe Richard's entirely different

relationship with his dogs.

He's offered to help Ewa train Stan and Ada.

Lucky him(!)

Are you watching this?

BEEPING

-LONG BEEPS

-I think she could do it.

If there was treats in there.

So clever.

That was really cool.

I've got no idea whether dachshunds swim or not.

Do you think they like water?

She has never ever been in a stream before.

Do you want to give it a go?

Will they rescue her if she starts panicking?

HE LAUGHS

Are you going to be all right?

-I think Stan wants a go.

-YELPING

-Why don't you let Stan come too?

-He won't like the water.

He hates water, so I don't know why he's making a fuss.

-Get it, Ada! Go on, good girl!

-What a good girl.

Hey!

Good girl. You like that, don't you?

Come on, Stan.

Hello, Stan.

What a good boy. Come on, Stan.

Are you watching this?

Come on, Stan. This is Stanley who hates the water?

Ada's just swum, Richard.

Ada's just swum.

He's missed her magic moment. He's missed the magic moment.

Good boy. Oh, Stan really hates the water(!)

Good boy, Stanny!

Good boy.

Good boy, swim!

Good boy. Was that nice?

Oh...

That night, Ewa has FaceTime with the dogs she left behind.

FaceTime!

My Ellie would just walk away from the screen.

Hello, babies.

I've missed you so much.

Do you want to see Ada and Stan?

He's so tired after his busy day, he's fallen asleep in bed already.

Ada and Stan will tell you they went swimming in a lake.

That's a first, isn't it?

Night-night, babies.

Mummy will see you tomorrow. Love you!

So, pop pickers, here's a quick look at the charts.

Of course, dogs are number one, followed by cats, then fish.

What's the point of a fish except on a plate?

Rabbits are fourth, then it's birds, snakes, tortoises, lizards,

guinea pigs and in tenth place, hamsters.

I really don't see the point of any of them,

but you might have guessed by now, the one I'm really,

really struggling with is our feline friend the cat.

Our next pet owners are going to have one last try to change my mind.

-Hello.

-Hello, Annie Robinson.

Annie, lovely to meet you. I'm Steven. Come in.

-Hi, Sasha.

-Lovely to meet you, Anne.

'Stephen and Sasha show me their Facebook profile -

'not somewhere I'd necessarily start.'

Sasha posted a picture of Tom on her Facebook account

three or four years ago

and people loved it so much, decided to have his own page.

And how many followers has he got?

65, or something like that, Anne.

65,000, that is.

-65,000?

-Sorry, 66.

-66,000.

-66,000 people turn on to have a look at him?

-Yeah.

'That many followers will be the envy of any reality TV wannabe.'

The thing is, it's Tom's personality...

Well, how can they see it on there?

Because Sasha, in what she writes with her little statuses,

will provoke a conversation.

So it's a fictional Tom?

It's a fictional Tom, for sure, but kind of based in fact.

Sasha's developed a personality for him, which has become

a kind of Chocolate Bear Boy, they all call him.

And he'll flirt with ladies. And here's the bizarre thing, that

ladies of a certain age, from 45 to 80s, right across the world,

react with this

and will flirt back with Tom in the most curious way.

And why don't these people just get a cat themselves?

-Most of them have cats.

-Most of them do.

Cat lovers, I think, attract cat lovers, don't they?

"Goodnight, sweetheart. Love you lots."

"Tom, you remind me of Turkish delight."

"You're like chocolate -

"white outside and covered with brown chocolate

"and your eyes are so adorable, you're a Prince Charming.

"Where do you get your cuteness from?"

Tom's screen success led these two to increase their media presence

with The Magnificats page, featuring all seven of their moggies.

-This is The Magnificats here.

-Yeah, absolutely.

So you'll see here we have nearly 1.4 million likes.

That's up nearly 4,000 this week.

Then, quite naturally,

Steven and Sasha branched out into making cat videos.

HE LAUGHS

Taking centre-stage is Tom,

then scaredy-cat Norman,

joining them are Junior, Prince, Ugs, Rocky

and the only girl in the group, Pixie.

Tonight is a big night for the Magnificat 7.

-Sit, Prince.

-Good boys.

The big thing at the moment

is the facility we now have to do live video.

It's breathtaking to me, because it means taking a simple smartphone

and streaming live pictures and sound to Facebook around the world.

So tonight is a special one actually,

it's going to be a cats' picnic.

The big draw is the fact - this is what we've promoted -

the cats, we're going to give them bowls of strawberries and cream.

The squirty cream.

Well, I've done a few live shows in my time and there's nothing

quite like the adrenaline rush just before the green light comes on.

The key to success is organisation and preparation.

-We've only got two cats.

-This is the idea!

We've got four minutes, we haven't tested anything,

we haven't written anything, we haven't switched on anything.

-Right, Sasha, give me a countdown when you're ready...

-OK.

If it was the BBC, you wouldn't be able to go late on air.

Are you anywhere near?

Three, two...

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening.

It's Magnificats Live from London.

Good God, I thought we'd never get here.

We are so busy. Who have got with us, Sasha?

Oh, loads of people, actually. Oh...

Ooh, Peggy, Angela, Claire...

'This appointment to view means cat lovers can chat live as they watch.

'There really should be a cats listing mag.'

There's Sam, saying... "Where's Rocky, guys? How's he doing?"

I don't know, Sam. All the cats appear to have disappeared.

And Tom's going out. Mind your leg.

Because we've changed the environment to some extent.

He's sat there looking quite miserable, isn't he? What's this?

Miryam, "Staying beautiful." Thank you, Miryam, very nice.

Vicky, "I love the picnic." Good old Vicky.

-"Hello, Frankie!" Who's Frankie?

-Oh, Louise is here!

Lovely Louise in Canada. Hello!

'The longest 40 minutes of my life is at an end.'

Are we off air?

We're completely gone. Yes, all clear now.

How many people were watching?

2,200 views.

518 making comments.

What's your ambition for this?

It's not money. We do it for purely altruistic reasons.

Cats are, to me, the essence of purity, the essence of love

and being able to show that around the world, free of charge,

with willing consumers for pure love, to me, is a joy.

-A quite unique experience, I would say.

-Oh, thank you.

-Thank you so much.

-Goodbye.

'What can I say,

'except dog owners go for a walk and meet other dog owners.

'Cat owners should get out more.'

Phew!

Ooh, our Steve does rather enjoy being master of ceremonies.

At 8pm tonight, when they could've been watching EastEnders,

3,000 people were tuned in to one cat doing virtually nothing.

What's the point of cats to Sasha and Steve?

Well, they bring them a lot of fun

and certainly bring a lot of pleasure

to an extraordinary amount of people.

It hasn't changed my mind about cats,

but I am prepared to concede I might just be in a minority.

This is a rural village in Buckinghamshire.

It's where Pippa lives.

She has three teenage children and a husband.

If you were to explain, what is the point of your dogs?

It's their loyalty. Their loyalty and love.

They need you and I need them.

-Pippa, can you imagine life without a dog?

-No. Absolutely not.

It just wouldn't be a home. I adore them all.

And I'd be so lonely without them. I wouldn't have a purpose.

Nan, one of her Labradors, has a dual life.

She's being trained

to put her natural smelling skills to a higher purpose.

Does it make you think, Pippa, that Labradors are slightly wasted,

just being at home in front of the fire?

They've got so much talent,

but I'm sure that there's a lot more for them to give, yes.

We're at a medical dog training centre in Milton Keynes

and Nan is being trained to detect cancer.

That's right - cancer.

-Go on. Go say hello, then. How are we doing?

-Hello.

-Come to have a look at her at work?

-I don't want to distract her.

So, what we're going to do, guys,

we're going to work her down these scent pots.

Underneath the pot there

is a specific scent which she'll be asked to find.

She'll walk down the line and then once she comes over the top of it, you'll see her stop.

It must be like sports day.

Watching your child perform

and hoping they do well after all the practice.

MUSIC: The Pink Panther Theme by Henry Mancini

-TRAINING DEVICE CLICKS

-Yes! Good girl.

-Amazing.

She wanted to have a little double-check,

she wasn't too sure the first time, probably as she was going too fast.

When these dogs work, we think that the odour they'll go down to

is parts per trillion,

so a very small odour when they're working cancer.

'That's the equivalent of Nan finding a teaspoon of sugar

'within two Olympic-size swimming pools.

'This means, when she's fully trained, she'll be able to

'detect cancer long before any hospital testing.'

Rob, is she going to be trained for a specific sort of cancer?

Specifically looking at breast cancer.

-Shall we give her another go on it?

-Yeah, yeah.

Mark, would you like to move it down to four for me?

She might see while they're being moved.

Let's make sure that she doesn't. Come here. Sit.

We've got her back to it. Come on, then.

-That's great! She sat.

-Good girl.

-Yeah, excellent.

-Good girl.

So I think that'll do her for today. She's had a really good session.

She's performed perfectly and she's just starting to understand

what's required of her when she comes across the smell.

What's it like watching her?

My heart is bursting with pride, it really is,

-because she's a different dog here to what she is at home.

-Yeah.

-She did brilliantly.

-She did. Very proud, very proud. Good girl.

Are you ready to go? Get you undressed? Come on, then.

'Bravo! Pippa takes Nan for a well-deserved walk.

'Now, all dogs have a very decent sense of smell,

'but only Nan in this bunch

'is learning to put it to use to save lives.'

-Shall I let them off?

-Yes, yeah, let's see.

-Sit.

You see, Nan's the only one who will sit because she's so well-behaved.

OK. Off you go. Scoot!

Go on, then. Off you go, off you go.

What's the reaction of other people to the fact that Nan is

trained, or being trained, to sniff out breast cancer?

-It alarms some people.

-Does it?

Yes, they're worried that she might come and tell them

that they've got breast cancer.

But it's interesting because you'd think that

a woman would welcome having that piece of information.

I know. Well, I'd think that

and I'd like her to tell me if there was something wrong.

How important is Nan to you?

She's a companion, she's a friend,

she's a guard dog, she's an entertainer.

But I think most importantly, for Nan,

it's the work that she does in her sniffing for cancer,

because that's life-changing for some people.

And, for me, breast cancer, having lost friends and relations,

I think that's just incredible.

How impressive is Nan!

Her nose will soon be making a difference between life and death.

So, as a pet, she's not only filling a void in Pippa's life while

the children are at boarding school and her husband's away working,

but with those natural skills, her and I suppose thousands

and thousands of dogs like her -

guide dogs, sniffer dogs and those in medical research -

have a very real point in all our lives.

'It's the final morning of our swap

'and Richard has had a measure of influence on Ewa.'

I slept really well last night. Had a good think about

what's been going on over the last couple of days

and I can see clearly that Richard's got great control over his dogs

and there's no reason why I shouldn't have control over my dogs,

and be able to train them just as well as he trains his.

Since one of Ewa's dachshunds was frightened by another dog,

Ewa keeps all her dogs on a lead.

I know I need to work on my confidence...

to work on the dogs' confidence.

'Yes, Richard is determined to show Ewa her dogs deserve better.'

Hand up.

And now put your hand down by your side and just call her by name.

-Isla.

-Isla, come.

-Isla, come.

Hold your hands out to her.

-And sit her.

-Sit. Isla, sit.

-Sit, Isla.

-Strong.

Good girl. Good girl!

You kissed her!

I didn't ask you to kiss her, I just said give her a tickle on her chest.

I couldn't help myself, she's too cute!

'After a lifetime of pampering, is Ada able to respond?'

Hopefully some of the tips that Richard has given me

will be installed into her.

I think her behaviour has improved over the last couple of days.

We shall see the results in a second when I let her go.

Are you ready, Ada? Big moment for us!

-Throw the ball.

-Go!

Nothing gives me more pleasure than seeing that.

Seriously nothing.

Good girl! Come!

Good girl, come! Ada. Ada!

Who's a good girl?

'Not bad for a first attempt.

'But no time for more practice here. The four-day swap is at an end.'

'What have both devoted dog owners learned from each other?'

When I first met you, I did think... I mean, it was an odd situation

for me to walk into - dogs dressed up as children, the bubble bath -

but their wellbeing is, you know, at the forefront of what you do

and I think, for all dog owners, that's what we all should be doing.

I am going to install some more discipline and confidence

within myself and the dogs,

and maybe let them roam a little bit more freely and take on everything

that you've advised me to do and start installing it in their lives,

and hopefully getting results from them.

Do you think I'd ever convince you, with your hard-working dogs,

to maybe go and have a bit of a spa day?

How many different ways are there of saying no?

Probably not.

-Actually not probably. No.

-SHE LAUGHS

Well, I don't think Ewa's dachshunds

are going to take a daily dip in a muddy stream

any more than Richard's going to start kissing his flat-coats,

but we've seen how a rabbit can get you through the loss of a husband,

a horse can give you a purpose,

a dog can save a life.

And even cats can enrich and expand the lives of their owners.

And all those pets can be a cure for loneliness and despair.

There's a lot of point in that.

MUSIC: Special Brew by Bad Manners

'Next week, I'm going to be investigating how we like to look.'

Eyebrow filler, cosmetic surgery, nose jobs...

'Why have we become so obsessed with our appearance?'

-Who would normally have a 27-inch waist?

-A 15-year-old girl.

'I'll be asking, what's wrong with being ugly?'

I've got a hanging belly and tits that have not defied gravity.

# I love you, yes, I do Cos I know that you love me too

# I love you, yes, I do Gonna spend all my money on you

# Every day when I say that I'm not gonna take any more

# It's OK, don't go away, I feel bad when you're closing the door. #