Norway Hairy Bikers' Bakeation

'By now, you've probably realised there are two things

that we really love in this world.'

'Biking, and baking.

'So, we've decided to combine them.'

'In an epic five thousand mile Bakeation.'

'We'll be uncovering the very best baking that Europe has to offer.'

'Starting with the relatively unknown baking of Scandinavia.'

-'This is going to be a truly spectacular...

-BOTH: Bakeation!'

'Norway, what a great place to start.

'Home of fjords, trolls and Vikings.

'I reckon I might be one of those, you know, dude.

Just call me Thor.'

'So, Thor, this could be a return to the mothership for you.'

'I'm feeling it already, dude.'

'Not many people call Norway home, though.

'Only five million people live here,

'yet it's half as big again as the UK.'

I love this bit, don't you?

You get the maps out, the books,

and decide where you're going to go.

I'm quite excited. I'm so excited I can't even concentrate.

-Excited? I'm demented.

-It's going great.

-We're starting north, and moving south?

-Yes.

-A bit like a goose.

So then, Thor, did you feel that fire of familiarity

-as you went up the fjord?

-I did, which is slightly worrying.

Look at you. Talk about being local!

You're more local than locals. ARE you a Viking?

I like getting drunk. I have periods of extreme violence.

-HE LAUGHS

-Never mind!

-That's where we are now, Kristiansund.

-Right.

Look where we're going.

-That is miles and miles and miles of fjords.

-Oh!

It's going to be some of the most beautiful motorcycling in the world.

'We'll be baking in some of the most beautiful locations

'you've ever seen.'

'And our trip will take us to the Winter Olympic town of Lillehammer.'

You know what's in Lillehammer, as well?

Oh, brilliant. Bobsleigh.

-Imagine the speed of it with our weight!

-Oh, God.

-An Exocet missile, down that run.

-Are we having a go?

But our true destination is Oslo, for Norway Day.

It's a special day, where everybody goes Norway-vacatious.

They celebrate the nation's identify with lots of flag waving,

lots of great food. It's a potent mix. Let's crack on.

# Take on me... #

MUSIC: "Take On Me" by A-ha

'If you think about it, dude, Kristiansund's like the Norwegian

'equivalent of Grimsby, a town built on trade and the fishing industry.'

'It don't look much like Grimsby to me. If this is anything to go by,

'Norway will be very pretty indeed.'

'Time to find out, because this is where our road trip really starts.

'We're leaving Kristiansund,

'and heading out along the coast towards Molde.'

-'Do you think we'll see any Norwegian trolls?'

-'Here's one now.'

'No, trolls. Not tolls.'

Hello. How much?

57, for one motorbike.

It's not cheap, is it?

No. Do you know what's funny about the motorways?

Some you pay tolls, some you don't.

Once you've paid for the cost of building the road,

they stop charging tolls,

-That's cool.

-This is a new one. Thank you.

Thank you.

'That was 13 quid for two bikes. Pricey, isn't it?'

'Pricey? We'll be bankrupt before we get to Oslo.'

'We're heading out now to the Atlantic road,

'meant to be one of the best motorbike roads in the world.

'But our real destination is Haholmen Island,

'only accessible by boat.

'And, just for my companion, Thor, a Viking longboat.'

Now that, my friend, is back to your roots.

Look at this. I'm at home.

I'm home!

-It's your first longboat!

-Wa-hee!

-Go on, jump on!

-Oh! Oh, I cannot wait.

Skipper!

-Oh, look at this, man.

-It IS fabulous, isn't it?

-Breathtaking.

-I

-can't believe we're doing this, can you?

-No.

This is nuts.

'I bet real bona fide Vikings sailed here.'

'Hey! Hey! I'M a real bona fide Viking!'

'They'd have headed off on their trade missions to the East,

'bringing back mysterious spices, and exotic flavours.

'I reckon we'll see some of those flavours

'in the baking, as we trail through Norway.'

'I hope so, mate.'

-BOTH: Oh, wow!

-Look at the eagle.

-Eagle, eagle!

-Roger!

Norway is so beautiful, isn't it?

Yeah. That's exactly it.

It's absolutely breathtaking.

It's the spirit of my ancestors are with us.

Just as we go into battle.

As we land on the beach, with our axes and shields.

Oh!

-I'm feeling it now.

-Are you?

'I don't know about you, bud, but all this fresh air

'and goodly wholesomeness makes me want to bake something.'

'You've got a point.

'We've not even seen a wooden spoon yet.'

'I think it should be bread, the staff of life.

'Every region in the world has its own bread,

'and Scandinavia is no exception.'

'Most famous of all is rye bread,

'always flavoured with caraway.'

We're going to teach you the most simple, basic way

of baking rye bread.

It's not that hard, and we promise.

175 millilitres of aqua. Is that level?

Of course.

-Ti melk hel.

-'That's milk to you and me.'

Brun farin, farin socker.

-'Or two dollops of brown sugar. Speak English!'

-'I'm getting into the lingo!'

-This needs to be warm!

-Mm.

-Stian?

-Look at this.

-In Norway, everything's possible.

You're like the god of fire, really, aren't you?

Where did YOU come from? There's only us here!

'Thanks to Stian, I can heat the liquids and sugar

'to blood temperature. Just how yeast likes it.'

I still cannot get over the cooker thing, and how it's just appeared.

Anyway, I'll let it go.

'Yeast.

'Trust me, you're going to see a lot of yeast on this journey.

'The dry ingredients are very simple.

'Strong white bread flour, rye flour, salt and caraway seeds.'

You see that? It's bubbling away, it's got a scum on.

That's alive.

Once you know it's working, you WILL get bread.

It will leaven.

-Go on, whack it in.

-Slop it in.

Now you can just bring it together, with a spoon initially...

-BOAT WHISTLE

-Excuse me.

-Hello!

Remember, if the dough's a bit soft, you can add a bit more flour.

Also, when you start to knead it on a floured surface,

that'll pick up flour, and make it a little bit more workable.

-Hello.

-Hello!

-HORN TOOTS

-Steady on!

-Where are you from?

-Norway.

-Oh no. Really?

We're from England. We're making bread.

-Dust your board.

-SPEAKS NORWEGIAN

'Flour. I guess I'll be kneading.

'We might be in another country, but some things never change.'

'Well done, old chap!'

'Kneading stretches the dough and develops the gluten,

'which is the springy stuff that gives bread its texture.'

There you go. We'll leave that, till it's doubled in size.

It should take about an hour and a half.

Somewhere snug like an airing cupboard.

Excuse me! Could you put that in your cabin for me?

-Yes.

-Thank you.

They're SUCH obliging folk.

Oh, they're brilliant.

That hour and a half gives us just time to make some klipfisk soup.

-'Klipfisk...'

-'..or literally translated, "cliff fish"...'

'..is famous around here.

'It's cod which has been dried and preserved in salt.

'It used to be dried in the sun on the cliffs, hence its name.'

'I bet they had to preserve loads of food, living up here.'

'The soup is an assemblage, of veg to start, with chopped carrots,

'onions, leeks, potatoes and garlic.'

-Can I have a...?

-There you go.

You're psychic, you! That's brilliant! That's just what I want.

We have white peppercorns, mustard seeds,

cloves, and we've got allspice berries.

'This soup is just like a chowder.'

'And chowders can be traced back to the Celts in Cornwall.

'But similar fish soups crop up everywhere there's fish.'

'Here, my dough's risen!'

It looks weird, doesn't it?

-Look, that's mad.

-Beautiful.

So, we'll knock this back.

'That means knocking the excess air out of the dough,

'before shaping it, and leaving it to prove.'

'We're going for a kind of bubbly torpedo shape.' Oh!

'You can put it in your handy neighbourhood yacht

'to double in size.'

'The veg and fish can now be drained.

'The spices need picking out.

'Never good to crunch on a clove.

'To make it nice and rich, we're adding butter to the stock.'

HE SPEAKS NORWEGIAN

'In English, Dave! That's sour cream, and milk.' Beautiful.

'Then back in with the good stuff.'

-That's not a namby pamby soup, is it?

-It's absolutely not.

-Oh, that's fabulous.

-Look at that!

'Our risen dough can now head in an ovenly direction.

'Then forty minutes later...'

Look at that, man.

That's good bread.

Bon appetit.

-Mm.

-Oh!

-That's SO good.

-Mm!

This bread, it's great.

With the soup, it's a little taste of Norway, isn't it?

Great combo, that one.

It encapsulates Norway perfectly, doesn't it?

-Makes you smile, doesn't it?

-Yeah.

What a beautiful evening!

I'll tell you what.

-Yeah?

-It'll be all right if the weather's like this

-all the way through the trip.

-Oh, yes!

Well the weather's broken.

But it was beautiful yesterday.

But, in the world of the Hairy Bikers,

like that of famous Norwegian, Morten Harket,

"The Sun Always Shines On TV".

# Touch me! #

'Listen, you cannot go around singing, "Touch me".

-'It's wrong, dude.'

-'Is it?'

'We're heading inland today, through the fjords.

Norway truly is the land of the ferry!

Every fjord has a ferry!

'Oh, Lord, Dave's trying his Norwegian again.'

Morgen.

THEY SPEAK NORWEGIAN

Where did you learn that from?

Two. That's a "skjaer". And "tak" is "please".

-Could we have a sausage?

-Do you want a drink?

No, we can't afford it!

'Let's take our sausages, and sit and enjoy the view.'

-There are the mountains of Molde.

-That's impressive!

It would be, if you could see them.

I know. But I love the pancake.

I give up.

You went back to your Viking roots. "Wa-hoo-ho!"

'We've got to get back on the bikes.'

'We've got the famous Eagle Road to tackle.'

Is that fog, or am I steamed up?

No, no, it's fog.

Bloody hell! Look down to your right.

By God!

Oh yeah. I've seen it, I've seen it!

Amazing!

'620 metres below us is Geirangerfjord.'

'But between the top and the bottom,

'there are loads of twisty hairpin turns to navigate,

'which should be fun.'

Hey!

That's it, we're here!

-BOTH:

-Geiranger!

'We've come to Geiranger to do our next cook.'

'Baking on a boat. I can feel my Viking roots stirring again, dude.'

'This is one of the most visited tourist spots in Norway.'

Look. The Seven Sisters, but one of them's out. We've only got six.

It's the girl on the end, isn't it? She's starting in full flow.

That's obviously the big waterfall over there, which is the bachelor.

And the sisters are showing off to the man.

It's legend, it's myth,

it's magic, and it's blooming gorgeous.

It is gorgeous.

'And it's also the perfect place for a bit of baking.'

'Cookies with a hint of Viking.'

Now, it's not the warmest at the minute.

It's beautiful, but it's a bit nippy round the old edges,

so you need to soften the butter.

Now, my job with the cardamoms is this. These are the green cardamoms.

I've just given them a smash with a pestle

and inside, you find those black seeds.

They look a bit like mouse droppings.

That's where all the flavour is.

We want those seeds and we want to discard the green husk.

'This is going to take some creaming.'

'These cardamom seeds are starting to do their thing.'

There's enough aroma out of this to embrace the entire fjord,

and trolls will come skitting down the screes,

going, "Cardamoms, cardamoms!"

'Actually, my dear fellow, I think you'll find

'it's thanks to my Viking ancestors

-'that we're using cardamom in Norway today.'

-'Oh, whatever!

'Well, they're known to have traded all over the world.'

'But they also worked as mercenaries serving Byzantium emperors in Constantinople,

'and brought cardamom back with them.'

And I've got two packets of malte mandler.

'That'll be ground almonds, then!

'More than likely another ingredient from those Viking raids.'

'Which are added to the flour and ground cardamom seeds.'

This ain't no humble biscuit.

'Then, it's gradually added to my beautifully soft butter and sugar.'

I think, what I'll start to do now, Dave,

I'll start to pull it together with my hands.

You've got to give something of yourself when you're baking, know what I mean?

'It's not much of a hardship when you're out here, though, is it?'

'No. You're right there, dude.'

Sisters! It's time to stamp cookies!

-Now then, look at that cookie dough.

-Beautiful.

So, a little bit off.

Take the dough, and make a ball about the size of a walnut.

One ball, walnut sized.

Squash it. And don't be too pedantic.

These are rustic, homemade biscuits.

Flatten them out. Dust them with flour.

Take your stamp.

And create a biscuit with personality.

'Then just keep churning them out

'till you've enough to make your chuck.'

'The stamps are easy to get hold of.'

'We bought them on the internet before we got here.'

Da da da!

Look at those.

And there we are, lemon and cardamom stamped Norwegian cookies!

'So, we've got fantastic cookies made in the best location.'

'All we need now is somewhere even more majestic to eat them.'

'More majestic? Is that possible?'

'Oh yes, mucker.'

Here you are, mate. Have a biscuit.

Thanks, dude.

Do you know,

I reckon that trolls and mountaineers have eaten these.

Oh, aye.

Just don't look down. Look forever forward.

Can you imagine if you did a big fart and it sheered off?

If you're going to eat a biscuit, it might as well be here!

Watch this.

That's for the mountain spirits.

Hil da!

'I'm not sure I'm looking forward to the next bit of the trip.'

'We're off to meet a man called Jan, in Lillehammer who drives bobsleighs for a living.'

'You must need snow, though, for a bobsleigh.'

'Ah, but what about a wheelbob? Same run, different vehicle.'

-Ah, you must be Jan.

-Yes.

-Hello, Jan, I'm Si. Nice to meet you.

-I'm Dave.

-Hello. I'm Jan. Hi.

-This is quite a contraption.

-Yeah, it is.

-Have you done a lot of this, Jan?

-Yes. I've done this for about 16 years now.

-Thank God for that.

Have you won any medals? A champion yourself?

-Yes, I did. In 2000, I was the Norwegian champion.

-Wow!

I'm liking you more and more as time goes on.

It's a bizarre sport, isn't it?

Yeah, it is an extreme sport.

What are we saying here? Extreme?

How fast are we expected to go?

This one will go about one hundred kilometres per hour,

and a G-force up to 3 Gs on the curves.

That means three times your own weight, squeezing you down.

-What's this for?

-It's to help you to support your back and your kidneys.

What's the matter with my kidneys?

-You must have loose kidneys.

-Oh, they are now. But I didn't before.

Oh! Great, a high-tech start(!) That's reassuring.

Oh, man. This sort of speed will do great, Jan.

-It's nice, the view's great.

-Is it? I can only see your helmet.

-Ha-hey!

-Oh,

-BLEEP.

Oh, oh!

Oh!

-DAVE CHUCKLES

-Ooooh!

Oo-oo-oo-oo-oh!

MUSIC: THEME TO "SKI SUNDAY"

How's your bits and pieces? You all right?

-I think I may have pulled something I didn't know I had.

-Haha!

Cor!

-It really is exhilarating, isn't it, Jan?

-My God.

Cor!

-That was a ride of a lifetime, I'm pleased to say.

-Awesome. Yeah.

Jan, thank you very much. Brilliant.

-Where is he?

-I'm right here.

Listen, dude, that was immense, man. Absolutely immense.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

Oh, look, there's a WC. Excellent.

'It makes these bikes seem a bit slow, doesn't it?

'Slow's just fine by me, dude, I tell you.'

'Tomorrow is National Day in Norway, so we've got to get a shift on.

'It's about 85 miles to Oslo,

'but at least we've got a bit of dual carriageway now.

'The Apent Bakery is widely regarded as the best in Norway.'

-Oh, hello, I'm Dave.

-Hi, I'm Si. How you doing?

'It's owned by Manu, who's French, and Oyvind, who's Norwegian.

'And what binds them together is friendship and a love of baking.'

Wow!

Yes!

The breads, the cakes.

People are going mad for it, you know?

Oh, look at this!

'Before we get stuck in, Manu has a friend to introduce. His sourdough.'

This is a sourdough, liquid sourdough.

Just to be clear, it's just flour and water,

and the natural yeasts that's in the flour?

-Yeah.

-Once you've got the sourdough culture going...

-Yeah.

-..you keep feeding it...

-Yes.

-..and using it, and saving some and feeding it,

and that keeps the bakery going on a continual basis.

We have a baker, he is taking care of the sourdough for the moment,

-and he has a daughter who's called Maria.

-Yes.

So we call this Maria.

'When more flour and water is added to Maria, she becomes a dough.'

-It's sexy.

-Sexy dough!

-When we work with this one,

you don't want to work very hard with it, you have to...

-Gentle.

-Gentle, yeah.

You see, guys, this is what's fascinating about what you do

as top bakers of the country, is there is an alchemy

and a chemistry that you understand to reach the high level

of expertise that you guys have here. It's just fantastic.

'We're going to make three different types of bread, so Oyvind carves it up.

'The secret seems to be to keep the dough as wet as possible.

No dusting flour here.'

OK.

'The first bread is a taste of the woodland.

Hazelnut and porcini mushroom.'

-Cor!

-So...

Squeeze it.

My natural reaction - I don't know about you, Dave -

would be to cover the place with flour so it didn't stick.

-Yeah.

-Do you know what I mean?

We don't want to work much with it for the moment,

so it's just going to rest here for like, up to an hour.

'Now it's my turn.' I can feel Oyvind,

his eyes in my back going, "Don't handle my dough like that!"

Oh-oh-oh!

Gently. Sexy dough.

-Yes.

-Thyme?

-Thyme.

'The philosophy of the bakery is that theirs is first and foremost

'a craft bakery based on old traditions, and simple, natural ingredients.

'The olives and thyme will be amazing together.'

-Yeah, I get it.

-Yes, but you can use a scraper?

-It's nice dough, yeah?

-Oh, it's beautiful.

-It looks like the cat dragged it indoor but the texture is going to be fantastic.

-Yeah.

Taste is extremely important but the texture

to make this bread with big holes and...

It's like a Quatermass monster! It's fantastic.

It is a living and breathing thing.

Oh!

'And that sits for about forty minutes to double in size.

'So this is the second stage for the porcini bread.'

Some people, they're taught to put oil inside the bread.

-Yes.

-But we do not.

So there's no oil in the dough?

-No.

-No?

-Because we feel, or we do know, it's better to do it like this.

We do not care so much about the shape.

-We're there for the experience.

-Looks wonderful, doesn't it?

It's rustic, but it's perfect. You know, it's a different level.

Oh, it is. Completely. Completely.

'I've just got to have a go.

'And true to form, it doesn't take Si long to fall in love.'

You are beautiful. Oh!

Jane, I'm having an affair with a sourdough starter.

Her name's Maria and I'm not coming home.

Yes.

-It's probably the best one yet.

-Look at that.

It's still breathing, isn't it?

Don't poke me girlfriend like that! Gentle dude, gentle!

-Oh, look, she's swelling up as well now.

-Oh, you lovely, lovely, gorgeous girl.

'They then need to rest again for about 20 minutes or so

'before a final swish of olive oil...

'And a sprinkling of the finest sea salt.

'Then into the deep, dark recesses of the trusty bakers' oven.'

And it helps if it's a bit...

-Steam.

-Yes. The old-fashioned way.

'Norwegian hospitality knows no bounds,

'and the bakers have laid on a spread, all to be enjoyed with freshly-baked bread.'

The texture of that, it's extraordinary.

Actually, can you smell the mushrooms?

-Yes. This is a bit more.

-Oh, look at that. Oh! Yes!

What's it like?

That's the best bread I've ever tasted in my life.

-This is amazing.

-Good.

-Gentlemen, congratulations. This is...

-Thank you.

I'd take my hat off to you if I could. Absolutely amazing.

That is extraordinary.

I can't get over to you how good this bread is.

-Totally superb.

-Thank you, thank you so much.

-Look, even the birds know.

-Yeah.

'I can't get over the fact that that amazing bread has been made

-'with so few ingredients.

-Just flour and water in the dough,

'olive oil and salt on the outside,

'and those delicious ingredients folded in. It's quite remarkable.

'So simple, really, anyone could try that one.'

'Dave, I reckon we've got time for a quick tour around Oslo,

'before we get back into our glad rags for a night doon the toon!

'It would be daft not to see it whilst we're here.

'As capital cities go, it's pretty small.

'Only 600,000 people live here.

'It's regularly at the top of the list of the most expensive cities in the world.

'So what do you say we get out of these leathers,

'and slip into something more comfortable for our last night in Norway?'

Look, we're in Oslo. We're out on the town.

-Have you noticed, we're in our duds?

-Whoo!

-Look at him.

Mohair. Bike's parked up and we're going to have a drink.

We're going to explore the ancient Norwegian tradition of aquavit.

-Look at that.

-The right bar for the exploration.

'But this isn't any normal bar - oh, no - it's an ice bar,

'so we need to be suitably wrapped up.

'Everything in the bar is made from ice,

'even the glasses containing our first aquavit.'

-Cheers!

-A big clunk.

You just know that that's done you good, don't you?

-I've never drunk out of an ice cube before.

-I haven't either.

They're not the easiest to drink out of, these.

-No. But you won't get a colder drink.

-This is true, this is true.

Get two coffins ready.

'Aquavit gets its flavour from a blend of spices,

'the main one of which is caraway.'

What's interesting about that, that fits in very well

with that Norwegian culture of Vikings and trade, and travel and seamanship.

-It's very pleasant.

-It's very palatable.

-Isn't it?

-It is. Cheers.

Cheers.

-I'd like to try another one of those just to make sure it's all right.

-Me too.

-I tell you what, this is tricky, isn't it?

-It is, isn't it?

-Do you know what I mean?

-It's pink now.

-Here's to Norway and its people.

'Is it my hangover, or is there a marching police band playing Monty Python?

'It's Norway's National Day.

'Parades take place across the country, but this is the biggest one, in Oslo.

'They're all celebrating their independence as a nation,

'a state of affairs they clearly think worthy of a flag wave or two.'

What a wonderful expression of patriotic pride this is.

-Isn't it?

-Fabulous.

-That's the King and Queen of Norway.

-Wow!

-She's waving at you, Dave. There you see.

-Yeah.

'They're going to be there for ages. Hey! Do you fancy a snack, mate?

-'Always dude, always.

-I brought a couple of things from the trip.'

-Oh, look at that.

-Porcini bread...

-Yes!

-..the olive bread.

-Wow!

Norway's been absolutely brilliant. One of the best trips ever.

It has, it's been fabulous. The people have been amazing, amazing scenery.

The food, I mean the klipfisk,

and the rye bread at the start of our bake-ation.

-We couldn't have got off to a better flyer.

-No.

One of the best moments of my life

was when we were underneath the seven sisters in Geiranger fjord making the stamped cookies.

You get on your bike at the end of that day, you fly, don't you?

Oh! Well done Norway, I say.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Superb.