Episode 12 Antiques Road Trip

It's the nation's favourite antiques experts with £200 each...

-I love that.

-..a classic car and a goal - to scour Britain for antiques.

-Yippee!

-Have I just done a terrible thing?

The aim? To make the biggest profit at auction but it's no mean feat.

There will be worthy winners and valiant users.

-Am I going to flip a coin?

-So will it be the high road to glory or the slow road to disaster?

I can't believe it. It went rubbish.

This is the Antiques Road Trip.

Yeah!

It's leg three of our trip in a 1980s Mini,

with Catherine Southon and David Harper

-and the suspension is killing them.

-Here we go.

-Oh...!

We're just so close to the ground.

David is an antiques expert with a simple creed -

I think he calls it "blow the lot".

That's it. I'm absolutely wiped out.

Catherine is an auctioneer whose slightly more cautious tactics

have been equally unsuccessful thus far.

-So get your money spent, missus.

-No, I will, I will.

-Well, I haven't got an awful lot to spend, to be honest.

-Neither have I!

We're rubbish, you and I.

Catherine started with £200 and has made a measly £2.16.

Huh!

And David's not much better.

His starting stake of £200 has crept up to just £231.24,

leaving him a whisker in front.

-There's lots of colours.

-I'm going with the midweek stubble look.

Go and buy yourself an antique cut-throat razor.

-Oh, nice one! You'd like that, wouldn't you?

-Yeah, I'd like to do that.

Our trip begins at Eccleston in Lancashire

and heads south for about 350 miles through Wales and the West Country

to Seaton on the south coast of England.

Their antique's jaunt begins in Rhayader in mid Wales

and they'll auction in Llanelli.

This is the Elan Valley Reservoir just outside the town.

We've got our own Victoria Falls in Elan Valley.

And it's also one of Wales' finest bird sanctuaries.

Oh, look! A red kite.

KITE MEWING

-Oh, my Lord! Look at that.

-Wow.

In Rhayader itself, it's the town clock which rather grabs your attention.

Well, it is shopping time.

-That's what we want.

-We want antiques.

Let's see what they can uncover in what was once the local court.

Go!

No, that's not fair!

-You are a sneaky one.

-I know I am.

Nowadays, of course, this place is full of antiques.

But they still have the old lock-ups.

It's not very nice in here, is it?

What's more, David's been here before.

-Good to see. How are you?

-And you. Yeah, good.

The shop that is - not prison.

Catherine and Sarah are new cell-mates

but David and Robin have previous and that may give him an advantage.

-It's a temple piece, isn't it?

-It is a temple piece, yeah.

-I would say it was India.

-Yeah?

-Possibly used as an altar.

It's an interesting thing. It's a hardwood, isn't it?

Yeah. And it's quite solid. It's heavy.

-Is it very heavy?

-Very heavy.

Deeply carved. Gorgeous columns. Can you see how it's been painted?

-I mean, that when it was first created...

-It would have been very bright.

It would have been as bright as my pants.

Not quite.

That comparison probably wasn't blasphemous

but do be careful, David - we are in a court.

This is a very, very risky object, let me tell you that.

Because this is the kind of thing that could just totally bomb in auction.

Sounds like David's trying to get the price down to me.

Only trouble is, it doesn't have one because Robin's only just put it on display.

And now you're going to lay offerings to me.

I'm going to lay an offering to you.

Gosh. I think...would 80 quid buy it?

-Seriously?

-Yeah.

-To you.

-Seriously?

-Seriously.

Mm! This could be interesting.

-Gorgeous.

-I don't like this at all

because he's sold something to you very cheaply.

-Well...

-Have you?

-I don't know whether it's cheap.

-It's very, very risky.

-You're happy and I don't like it.

-I know!

LAUGHTER

Now, come on, Catherine. Pip-pip.

-Right. Mr Harper, this is war.

-Ooh!

That's the spirit.

-That is...

-That's a nice piece, isn't it?

VASE RINGS

Beautiful sound.

That's a very, very good piece of glass.

So that's a 19th-century goblet or vase.

-What I love about the engraving is the scene.

-Yeah.

That's what makes it, yeah.

And these fisherman that I deal with will spend big money

on anything to do with fishing. What kind of money's that, Robin?

-The death on it is 50.

-50?

-Yes.

It couldn't be just a trickle, just a trickle less?

-Not a trickle.

-Seriously?

-That is... That is on the knuckle, yeah.

-Is she watching me?

-I am.

-She IS watching me.

-I could sense your eyes.

-Leave me alone, David.

-I'm getting all stressed.

-OK, Robin. Do it very quietly.

Don't say a word but what I'm going to do, just as a celebration,

right, I'm going to do this.

VASE RINGS

And if we can just hide that somewhere.

Two buys and, just over 20 minutes later, David's done.

-Thank you very much. Thanks again.

-Thank you.

I'll see you later, Catherine.

-Nice to see you, Robin. All the best.

-You're welcome.

-OK, bye.

Now, it's Robin's turn to give Catherine a hand.

I think that's lovely. It's beautifully etched.

It's lovely and there's an awful lot going on, there.

-Aye, aye.

-It's got the name of Peter Chambers, whoever he was,

-and as such, it's going to put a lot of people off, isn't it?

-It will.

Oh, dear. Nothing's quite right, is it?

The little copper drinking... They don't rock your boat?

Turn of the century, I'd have thought.

Copper, sorts of Arts and Craftsy in style.

I mean, they're simple and you can imagine them all lined up.

If you had a nice inglenook fireplace,

you can imagine them all lined up.

-£10 the set.

-They're quite nice, actually.

Right. A fiver on those.

Go on, then. Yes.

That is good.

-You're lovely.

-There you go. Your first little buy.

Catherine, encouraged by that last deal, is back at the goblet.

It's really beautifully etched, isn't it? Really high quality.

-But what could you do on this?

-Not a lot.

-£80.

-You really couldn't do any less than £80 on it? No?

No. I paid too much for it.

-My best offer - 40.

-Phew! No! The best ever on it would be 60.

-I'd take a £20 loss on it.

-Would you?

-Yeah.

-Sneaky.

-How much did David pay?

-50.

Could I pay 50 for that and then, only because we've got a competition

and then we can see who's actually bought the best piece of glass.

-Go on, then.

-Am I asking the world?

-Yes, you are,

-but I will do it for you, because you're so pretty.

-Aw!

She's finally got a smile on her face.

And now can the tortoise and the hare power the Mini up through the mountains?

Heading east from Rhayader towards the little village of Abbeycwmhir...

..where David's come to see a very unusual home.

This is The Hall, built in 1833 and then enlarged

into a Victorian Gothic Revival mansion a few years later.

By the 1990s, though, it was in a very sorry state

and David wants to see how the present owners have restored it.

-Hello!

-Welcome, David. Welcome to The Hall at Abbeycwmhir.

-Thank you very much. Paul, isn't it?

-It is indeed.

I can see already, that is a feast.

It certainly is.

Grade II listed and with original features in all 52 rooms.

The Hall is now open to the public,

thanks to Paul and his wife's boundless enthusiasm,

not to mention life savings.

I'm loving this. Now, this is original, isn't it?

Totally. But we're not slavish to 1869.

This is a house that's full of interest and quirkiness.

He's right, you know. This home is most definitely not stately.

It's too much fun for that.

Take the snooker room, for example.

Now, I do like this billiard room.

Original features aplenty here,

like the ceiling with the vents for releasing the gentlemen's cigar smoke

and it also features a bizarre Arthurian theme

that was all Paul's idea.

And round the wall here are the knights of the Round Table

in old English script.

There is a historian that claims this is Camelot.

What? This is getting even wilder and wilder here, Paul.

Because he was a 5th-century Welsh prince,

-so we created the Arthurian Room.

-That's great.

There are plenty of other weird and wonderful additions, too,

like the safe from the custard factory where Paul used to work.

Visitors, we always ask them to describe this when they leave

-and they can't.

-Well, I'm struggling.

It almost like an adventure playground,

something that is fantastically eccentric,

very British and puts a big smile on your face.

I suppose that having rescued the place Paul, quite rightly, wants to put his stamp on it.

Goodness knows what the National Trust would make

of Paul's little collections, though.

-King Henry and his wives.

-Yeah.

And here's some Thunderbirds heads.

-Are they Doulton?

-They're Doulton.

-There's not too many of them around.

-No, they're pretty rare.

I can value them for the look around the house.

Even the library has a cheeky secret or two.

It is the only Boys' and Girls' Adventure library in Wales

and they're all in their original bindings.

This is the way the world should have been but never quite was.

You see, I think people like you should run the world.

I think it would be a happier place.

-I'm not sure that David Cameron would agree with you.

-I don't know!

But perhaps the best illustration of Paul's Tracy Island philosophy

is the garden room.

And now for something completely different.

Featuring 136 original signs and goodness knows what else besides.

This is our childhood.

When people come here, memories come flooding back.

It's bonkers, that's what it is. It's absolutely bonkers.

Well, you ought to know.

DAVID LAUGHS

Our antiques duo are back in the 1983 Mini.

They just can't get enough of those Welsh mountains, though.

-We are right in the thick of it.

-I know.

-We're on top of the world, David.

-On top of the world.

Do you feel on top of the world? I think we pretty much are.

We keep climbing.

Catherine and David are heading towards the Beacons and Brecon.

Well, I've decided that it's no good

just buying these piddly things at £20, £30

and making £5, £10 profit.

-Oh!

-Is there?

-I'm with you, I'm with you.

Because it's just not going to get us anywhere

-and we both really need a big push.

-We do.

-So today I'm going for it.

-Oh, I love that.

I'm going to risk it all.

Fighting talk, eh?

And they can safely park the car for a few hours now

because they're going to battle it out in Brecon.

Ah! The cavalry.

It's the back of a fire, I'm sure.

Whoa, my gosh!

Probably the 18th or 19th century.

That thing would sit in the back of the fire.

It's cast iron. It's absolutely monstrously heavy.

And there's another one.

This is probably more interesting.

Dated 1635, if that really is in period,

an early 17th-century fireback,

it's worth £1,000 of anybody's money.

That's dated 1635. Do you think that's period or not?

-I would say so, yes.

-Really?

Tony's standing in for the owner and doing a great job

but it's time for a closer look.

-It'll be a monstrously heavy thing.

-It is very, very heavy.

Shall I get one side?

HE GRUNTS

-Here you are, I've got one side.

-Now you can.

-There you go. Look at that.

That is one big, heavy lump of cast iron.

Charles I, royal coat of arms.

What do you think? What's your instinct?

It wouldn't come out of Queen Victoria's place, would it?

No. Might have done.

-That's what I normally tell people.

-Do you?

It comes out of her abode. That's how I manage to sell things.

Ah! I wouldn't be admitting that on telly.

THEY LAUGH

Do you know what I think? I think it's mid 20th century.

-It could be.

-1950s.

-It could very well be.

Well, that at least puts them within David's price range.

-What kind of money are they?

-I would say over £100.

-Really?

-You wouldn't get two for one here, then, would you?

-That was yesterday.

-Really?

-Oh, yeah, we had a big day here yesterday.

-Two for one deals?

-Cheaper than ASDA yesterday.

-Never!

But that was only yesterday.

-Tony, would you mind giving him a ring and just...

-Not at all.

-Give me a price, give me a price.

-Excuse me a minute.

-Cheers.

It might be 20 years old, but it doesn't matter -

for the right money, as a decorative object, it doesn't matter.

-I was way over with my quote.

-Good man!

-It's £55.

-For the two? For the two?

-No, each.

That's not bad for the two.

Sorry.

Is there any movement on that, do you think?

I think I could go down to 45.

-Can I officially put that on hold?

-No problem.

Don't sell it to the Southon woman, right?

-She's not allowed to buy that.

-OK.

Those are getting cheaper all the time.

I wonder how Catherine's doing?

-Bore da.

-Bore da.

-Bore da.

-Ah! She's made a good impression there.

-I'm Lynton. I own the centre.

-Right. So you're the man to do the deals with.

-Yeah.

-Excellent. Fantastic.

-If you want any help, just give us a call.

-We'll see if we can do a little deal.

-OK.

Soon, Catherine, having taken note of what's Lynton's,

has found something she quite likes.

It's very sweet. Do you know what I think it was?

-I think it might be for microscope slides.

-Yes.

These drawers, I think, once upon a time, were filled

with glass microscope slides.

Solid mahogany. These little bun feet on the bottom.

That would probably date it to about 1830, 1840.

The ticket price is £195, though.

It'll take more than a little Welsh small talk

to get that down, girl.

-Can you do £100 on it?

-No.

Right.

OK.

I'll give you my bottom line. I can't go less than, what, 120?

You couldn't do 110?

-Go on, then.

-For 110.

-For 110.

I'm not going to commit just yet because I'm just going to have a look at the other shops.

I think Lynton expected a handshake after that lot.

Just one thing. If that Mr Harper comes in sniffing around,

please don't let him have that for any... Don't let him have it, full stop.

-Don't give him any big discounts.

-He might offer me 185 for it.

Yeah, but don't take it, because we're friends, aren't we?

We're pals.

Well, friendship's one thing and antiques are quite another.

Meanwhile, David's got his dealer on the line

and he's spied something else.

There's a very simple little Chinese rice bowl,

19th century thing.

Is it buyable at 20? ..OK.

And while I've got you on the phone, the big fireback. Tony said 45.

Could it be just a little bit less or...?

40 quid. OK, that's fine.

OK, thank you. Bye.

-Right. Little Chinese thing, he said I can have it for 20 quid.

-OK, yeah.

-But I'll put that aside for now.

-So that's those two reserved

at £20 for the bowl and £40 for the fireback - wow.

-Good man. Cheers.

-OK.

Because Brecon does have quite a few antique shops,

it looks like our two intend to play the field.

You see, I like this. We've got an umbrella stand or a walking stick stand

and it's a big lump of cast iron.

I think this would look smashing in a lovely country house.

It's very sort of rococo, the style of it.

I love the shells, I love the grapes

-and there's a lot of sort of swirls and patterns in it.

-Mm.

But at £48, there's a bit of a fault.

-What can you do on it?

-40.

Bearing in mind that we'd be taking a bit of a gamble.

That would but I still think there's quite a lot left in it,

especially at auction.

-But not at 40.

-I'm struggling now a little on it, then.

I think a very, very fair price would be 30.

I could do 35, then, yes.

I think £30 is a really fair offer.

I'm still not biting yet, am I?

-Go on!

-Shall we say 35?

Let's see what else and then if we can put that with it...

Good idea, girls. There's plenty inside after all.

Ah, now David's discovered the antiques centre.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-OK if I just have a wander round?

-Of course you can.

If you want any help, just give me a call.

So no welcome badinage for him. Just straight to it.

I wonder how long it will take this time?

-Just a little carrying box.

-Not very.

Always, I'm drawn to Oriental things and that is Chinese.

It's possibly 19th century. Let's say it's circa 1900.

In fact, it's got things in it and they seem to belong.

That's Chinese.

That's Chinese. A pair of water buffalos, hand-carved.

They're worth 40 or 50 quid.

There's a lot going on there.

Is it priced with its contents? That's the thing.

90 quid.

Actually, David, that's just for the box.

I'll have to speak to him about that.

What would be sensible for the lot - everything?

Everything's that in it? I'd do it for the 90 quid for everything.

Not bad but remember, David's already reserved those two items up the road.

-I've got £41 and so many pennies.

-Yes.

-Right?

So I'm thinking, how about if we take out the prints,

take out the brass and the gaming boards...

and then we put in these two little characters...

Is that ever going to happen at £41 and something pennies? Never?

-No.

-Never?

-The box cost me more than that.

-Did it?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Erm...

-Give me a profit on the box and you've got a chance.

I've got to have 50 quid at least on it. That gives me a profit.

Time for a rethink. If he wants the buffalo, he might need to forget about that Chinese bowl.

So my offer to you now is £61.24 for the box and these two fellows.

-Go on. Go on, then.

-Deal?

-Yeah, go on.

-Good man. Thank you very much indeed.

-OK.

I think that was £40 for the box and the rest for the couple of buffalo.

£61.24. There you go.

-Is that a nice one?

-What about Catherine and Martha, then?

I wonder if she's found anything to add to her umbrella stand?

I like that display cabinet there with the rose going through.

-It's pretty, isn't it?

-Yes, it's one of my favourites

-and it's cheap.

-How cheap is it?

-35.

It's quite nice, isn't it?

Now, this is 1950s.

I would have thought it came in as piece of pretty boring brown furniture

but what's happened is Martha's painted it up

to look more sort of shabby chic.

But the problem is you would go along to buy this

in its brown state at auction, dealers would -

they'd pick up for 30 quid,

then transform it, as Martha has done

and probably sell it on for 70 quid.

So I think, really, it would be pretty foolish to buy it

and then send it back to auction.

Quite possibly but that doesn't seem to have put her off taking a closer look.

It must be here. No, that's not going to go in there.

We've got a bit of a problem here.

Another problem, eh? Are you sure, Catherine?

I've got a key somewhere. SHE CHUCKLES

There's absolutely no reason why that shouldn't sell.

Apart from all those we've already heard about, that is.

-What can you do on it?

-28.

Remember, Martha still wants £35 for the umbrella stand.

-So would you do the two for 50?

-48.

I'm going to shake your hand because I just think it's got to work.

-Well done.

-Right. Here we are.

-OK, there's 20, 40...

-This probably isn't the moment to point out

that at this rate she won't be able to afford the mahogany cabinet

she reserved earlier.

-Thank very much indeed.

-Bye-bye.

-Bye-bye.

Actually, she's £10.84 light.

-Tony!

-Ah!

-This is turning into a Brian Rix farce.

That's £40, that is what we said. Thank you very much.

So, David's now got the fireback he reserved,

which means he's once more spent the lot.

-Hello. I'm back.

-Hello.

And, remember, now Catherine doesn't have enough

to pay the agreed price on the cabinet, so watch this.

What's Welsh for pretty please?

This is all I have in the world.

£99.16 to be exact.

-HE LAUGHS

-Yeah, go on.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-It's a pleasure.

Ooh, you're lovely. Thank you!

-What a nice man.

-Bye-bye.

-Bye-bye.

Have I just done a terrible thing?

I don't know!

I do.

Well, that's the shopping completed,

so here's a quick reminder of how they've spent their cash.

David started out with £231.24 and, as usual, he spent it,

all of it, on five auction lots.

If we can just hide that.

Catherine began with £202.16

and she's also spent it all on her five lots.

Let's find out what they thought of one another's antiques offerings.

The 1930s painted cabinet with the rose is truly horrifying.

It really is and I've seen them sell for £1.

All of a sudden, we're really getting to one another.

I think mine are just so superior. It's unbelievable.

After starting out at Rhayader in mid Wales,

this leg of our trip concludes with an auction in Llanelli

in the Welsh Valleys.

-Here we are.

-Where?

-Welsh Country Auctions.

Did you know that one of Llanelli's local heroes

was the Concorde test pilot Brian Trubshaw?

He was always Mr Cool, Calm And Collected

but how are our two feeling right now?

Come on, you. Let's get this over and done with.

-Are you excited?

-No, no, no, no.

Today it's antiques and effects day at Welsh County Auctions.

Richard Williams is our auctioneer in command.

GAVEL BANGS

Llanelli's ready. They've both been bold, but will it pay off?

-OK, you're on now.

-Right, here we are.

First up, Catherine's bargain set of pots.

Ten only. At 10. £10. At 10. 15. At 15.

-20. Do we have another?

-20.

-There you go.

25. 30.

-Five.

-Oh!

-At 35. Centre of the room, then. At £35.

-Any more?

-GAVEL BANGS Well done, well done.

-That was quite good.

A positive start but no-one's getting carried away.

-We've still got a long way to go, though, haven't we?

-Yes.

Next, the buffalo Catherine so admired.

So which one's Cheap and which one's Nasty?

10 I'm bid to start. At 10.

15. At £15.

-At 15.

-Come on.

-20.

-At 20. Any advance on £20?

-Come on!

It's in the centre, then, at £20.

20.

-David!

-Stop smiling!

Oh, dear. That will be quite a lot more after commission.

Goblet challenge time. Catherine's up first.

-Oh, my stomach's just done a huge flip.

-I know how you feel.

20 I'm bid. At £20. At 20. For the presentation goblet.

-At 20. 5. At 25.

-Come on.

-Come on.

30. At 30.

-Once, twice...

-No...

-No!

-At £30.

-GAVEL BANGS

-Another loss. Someone's got a bargain.

That was far too cheap. He was gutted to sell that.

Goblet challenge part two. How will David's fishing version fare?

20 I'm bid. At 20.

-30, five, 40.

-Come on.

-Five.

-You've won the goblet challenge.

-At £50.

At 50...

-GAVEL BANGS

-Better but still a loss, really.

-We need a bit of oomph.

-We need some oomph.

-Oh!

David's slightly battered Chinese box now.

10 I'm bid. At 10. £10. At 10 for the document box.

15. At 15.

£15. 20. At 20. Five.

30. Just in time. At 30 right in the centre. 35.

-Come on.

-Ooh.

-At 35.

-Come on.

-Are you sure?

GAVEL BANGS Oh! I can't believe it.

-I can't believe it. We're rubbish.

-I know.

He has a point. Only joking!

Now, Catherine got this for almost half price,

so surely there's a profit here?

At 50. Did I hear a voice? 60.

70. 80.

And I've got 90. Rostrum bid at 90.

Five. At 95.

-100.

-Please... 100.

At £100. And five. 110.

And I've still got 115 and 120. At 120.

-Ooh...

-120.

-At 120. At 120. No more?

All that hard work. All that stress, David!

I know but it shows that it's a very good buy.

Yes, it does. She might be getting the upper hand here, David.

Now for a slightly more questionable buy.

The auctioneer certainly had his doubts.

Any offers for the cabinet? There must somebody that likes it.

No.

No?

£5?

No offers for the cabinet?

Well, we'll just have to pass it by.

-There you go.

-We'll say no more, shall we?

Ah, sweet-pea, ah! I'm sorry.

Can David make a profit with his royal fireback?

10 I'm bid. At 10. £10.

15. At £15.

At 15. 20. It should make £100, really.

At 20. Five. At 25.

At 25. Nothing to think about, really. 30.

35. At 35.

At 35 for the cast back.

GAVEL BANGS Oh, God.

-Have you made a profit on anything?

-I don't think so.

-No, he hasn't, actually.

-Well...

Catherine's last stand. She could win today.

20 I'm bid. At 20. At £20 for the cast iron stick stand.

Come on. What's the matter with them?

All done, then, at £20?

-GAVEL BANGS

-That's a blow.

David's star buy - could this "altar" everything?

20 I'm bid. At 20.

20, 30, 40.

At 40. 50, 60.

-At £60.

-Come on.

All done at £60?

-GAVEL BANGS

-60.

-Well, someone's happy, at least.

I can't believe it. I can't believe it!

That's it for a disappointing auction

and Catherine is the winner today.

-Just awful. Awful, awful.

-Let's go. Don't worry. Don't worry.

Awful.

David started this leg with £231.24

and, after auction costs, he made a loss of £67.24,

so he now has just £164.

Catherine began with £202.16

and, after paying auction costs, she lost £35.06,

leaving her with a narrow lead and £168.10.

Looks pleased, doesn't she?

-Come on.

-Oh, David.

-Let's go shopping.

I don't know if I want to shop any more.

Well, we have to absolutely pull something out of the hat,

you know that, because we are rubbish.

Come on. Wahey!

So, onwards to the next leg,

with David and Catherine and their little 1983 Mini.

-I can't remember what it's like to make money!

-We must make something

-somewhere along the line.

-Do you think we'll ever make profit again?

Here's a quick recap of our journey so far.

We began in Eccleston in Lancashire

And then headed south for about 350 miles,

through Wales and the West Country,

to Seaton on the south coast of England.

But, on this leg, we're starting out at Merthyr Tydfil in Wales

and heading for an auction in England at Wotton-under-Edge.

Although just a few miles south of the Brecon Beacons National Park,

-the countryside around Merthyr is very different.

-I imagine in the '60s and the '70s

this would be buzzing with real industry. My gosh!

-Nice little move.

-What do you think about that?

-What a parker!

-Well done!

You're very fast at running, David!

-Shall I go up?

-Go on, then. I'll start down here.

Looks like first strike to Catherine. She'll get help from Kelly while David's upstairs.

And she needs help - she's only got £168.10.

I'm looking for some nice silver. Have you got any nice pieces?

So we've got a little vesta.

-I'm not sure that is silver.

-David's had much the same idea.

He's got even less, with £164.

Is there any real silver in there? And the answer is...not.

It's all either pewter or silver-plated.

Nickel-plated.

Tricky business, working out what's really precious.

You would expect it to be silver, but it's just silvered brass. You can see the brass coming through.

The only thing I'm possibly interested in, if it is dirt cheap, is the little decanter.

1929.

It's marked on the collar.

Can you see how the pattern on top matches on the bottom, so we know the stopper is absolutely crisp?

That's a sweet little thing. It'll probably sell for about £30.

Actually, that's the ticket price.

-Can I have a quick look? Is that a picnic set?

-David's found something else that's shiny.

-It's a lighter.

-And an ashtray, by the looks of it.

-Yeah, or a cigarette box.

-Yeah.

A flask. It looks like a 1920s-1940s novelty picnic set.

I think.

-That's an ice bucket.

-They were the days of proper motoring,

-when any self-respecting road tripper had to be prepared to pack a heavyweight picnic.

-Really odd.

-And it's quirky. How much is it?

-55?

-Ouch! Kelly...it would need to be 20 quid.

-Let's say 25.

-You're just too nice. Give us a kiss.

-First deal to David. Now what's Catherine got there?

A cricket bat used during this particular match between Gloucestershire and Yorkshire.

-And seemingly autographed by both sides.

-Go away!

-She's spotted the item I wanted to look at.

Now, now, David. The auction just happens to be in the famous cricket county of Gloucestershire.

That's very bad for me.

-Gloucester's first captain was the legendary WG Grace.

-First one to touch it gets it!

-Howzat!

Looks like David might have to retire to the pavilion. Catherine opens the batting against Kelly.

-£70.

-Oh!

-How much were you thinking of?

-About 20.

-45?

-30 I'd really like to pay.

-I think that's what they call playing a straight bat.

-35.

Come on. 30, please.

-Go on. We'll have a deal at 30.

-Thank you. You're very kind.

-Just before you go, your little oil decanter upstairs. What could you do on that?

-15.

-Would you do 10 on that?

-Oh, go on, then. 10.

So £30 for the bat, but having suggested £10 for the decanter,

-Catherine's had second thoughts.

-If it was a perfume bottle, I could see people getting excited about it.

-How much do you want to pay?

-I'll give you £5 for it.

-Go on.

-Thank you so much.

-Remember David's picnic set?

He may have found just the right thing to go with it.

Look at that.

A Steiff bear. Isn't he just sweet?

Steiff are a German company famed for their top quality teddies since 1902.

Each Steiff bear has distinctive features.

A very long snout, glass eyes,

of course, a nice earring.

Moveable limbs.

Patches on the paws.

-And these things can be worth fortunes. Can he be 20 quid?

-Oh, no.

-Oh...

-Is that horrible?

-Yeah.

-He doesn't think so.

-Let's say 30.

-30's fantastic.

Thank you very much, Kelly.

# Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic... #

So after that shopping spree time for our two to head south

to the Taff Valley. From Merthyr to Cardiff.

The Welsh capital became the principality's largest city during the 19th century

when the docks began exporting Welsh coal to the world.

-I've been here before.

-Have you?

-This will take you hours to cover!

-See you later.

-See you later.

-Big, isn't it?

All that pumping room can now be used to stow antiques and reproductions.

No David around either to cramp Catherine's style.

-Dealer Helen's got some bargain silver, though.

-Oh. What is it?

-Pencil.

-A pencil, yeah.

That's quite nice with the original pencil. Nicely hallmarked, nicely engraved with the flowers.

I'm guessing it's late Victorian. It's £25.

-How much did you want for that?

-I could do 10.

-Could you do a bit less? Five? Eight?

-Eight.

-OK, I'll have that from you. Lovely. For eight, thank you.

-What a deal!

It seems Catherine's really sticking to silver and things with a bit of quality.

-Anything else?

-I think this is really striking.

It's Edwardian, I would say, in date. Maybe slightly later.

So around 1910.

I love the simplicity of the three pearls and then you've got these semi-precious stones

set in silver. I've got no idea on the price.

We really need to get hold of the owner. I just think it's really classy. Perfect for Gloucestershire.

The ticket price is £48. Time to call the dealer and turn on the charm.

Ahh.

Are you sure you won't do it for 10? You just said you liked me.

Go on!

Thank you very much. Thank you. Bye-bye.

So £10 for the brooch! And £8 for the pencil.

Catherine's quality collection is really coming along.

Anyway, Catherine is now in the driving seat, as our dynamic duo forge ahead.

GEARS GRIND

-Good God!

-Whoops!

They'll soon wind up at auction in Wotton-under-Edge. Next stop, though, is Newport.

Ah, bric-a-brac.

Now David doesn't have potfuls of money, but there's a fair old mix of stuff in this place.

I'm sure something will fire his imagination.

God, that's amazing. From late '60s, early '70s. Dinky Toys.

So well made. Incredibly well made.

Look at that. Goodness sake, it works.

Look. You roll your cars on,

your cars are on the top, you roll your second car. It's fantastic.

-A bit tatty, though, isn't it?

-I would want that.

-What?!

-Right. I've got an idea.

I walked past these earlier. We've got some vintage cars.

So what do we have here?

-A really well-used AC sports car.

-I think the expression is play-worn or clapped out.

-British sports car. Beautiful shape.

-Dinky cars first went on sale in the '30s

and the rival Corgis appeared in 1956. They do say they should be boxed and in mint condition

-to make real money.

-Fabulous.

-But David doesn't seem too fussed about the condition of these old bangers.

Gorgeous. We'll put that on our circa-1970 car transporter.

-John? Have you got any more cars for my transporter?

-There's a few in the cupboard.

-He's only just starting!

-Let me have a root round that box. Let's put a collection together.

What have we got? Oh! I like that.

It's a Ford Zephyr. Motorway patrol car. Come on!

I like that, John, but hang on...

Look at that. A late 1960s, early 1970s tour bus. Look at it!

And it's made of metal. It's just beautifully constructed.

That works and so we have a nice little collection there.

-How much, John?

-60 quid, the lot.

-40 quid.

-50's a deal.

45.

-Deal.

-Good man.

Fantastic!

-Of course, that's the bus they used in... What's the film?

-The Italian Job? Never!

Even better. It's the Italian Job bus.

# The Self-Preservation Society

# This is the Self-Preservation Society... #

Meanwhile, Catherine has made her way from Cardiff into England and Ross-on-Wye.

-Good morning. I'm Catherine. Very nice to meet you.

-Penny.

-Hello, Penny.

-I'm sure we'll have no complaints about this place.

There's some quality here. Nicely laid out, too.

A sugar caster.

It's quite elegant, isn't it? It's Edwardian in date. 1918.

You've got 55 on it. What could you do on that?

-Em...45.

-Oh, gosh. Really?

-I was looking more like 30, to be honest.

-My rock bottom would be 40.

I'm not sure I would make much on that. I think probably not.

Sounds like Catherine needs to add a little something to sweeten the deal.

-What about the opera glasses? Do they belong to you?

-Yes.

-You see these all the time.

-Yes.

Mother of pearl. The thing is they're nice, crisp and in lovely condition.

You've got £26 on that. Is there...? What can you do on that?

-20?

-Could you come down a bit more than that? Maybe 15?

-18?

-15?

-15, yeah.

-I think we might be getting focused!

15 on the binoculars and 40 on that, so the two together... that's 55.

-Can we do the two together for 50?

-OK.

-Thank you very much, Penny.

You're very kind. Lovely.

At least it's not a load of old toy cars, but I suppose they may just appeal to someone.

Meanwhile, David's motored over from Newport to Chepstow.

A little bit further down the River Wye, Chepstow was once the largest port in Wales.

-Hello.

-Hello. Good afternoon.

-I'm David Harper.

-Hello. I'm Lesley.

-Hello, Lesley. Lovely to meet you.

-Can I look around?

-Please do.

-Ah!

-Quirky.

-So they're plant pots of some sort.

-I would think so. Do you think so?

-They could be brush pots.

-Could be.

-For artists? Probably Staffordshire.

Let's say 1930s.

-Fun item.

-I quite like them. They've got a bit of a cheek to them.

-Yes.

-They put a smile on your face.

-Definitely, yes.

How cheeky cheap could they be?

Go on, just give me an idea.

To you, 45.

45...

How about 15 each, 30, cash?

-That's pushing me a bit, actually.

-Go on.

-Try and guess what they're trying to tell you.

-They'd be slightly offended to go that cheaply.

-No, they want to go for 30.

-They think they're worth 40.

-I can't do that.

-35.

-Well, I couldn't say no. How could I say no? Thank you so much.

While David's been monkeying about,

Catherine's made her way from Ross-on-Wye to the Forest of Dean and the little village of Churcham.

Deep in the Gloucestershire countryside,

and wearing some extremely inappropriate footwear, I might say.

MOOING

Catherine is here to see a farm where they're keeping a unique form of cheese-making alive

because thanks to the milk from a rare breed,

their Single Gloucester cheese is as highly prized and protected as Parma ham or champagne.

Oh!

Squelch!

-Hello there. I'm Catherine.

-Hello, Catherine. I'm Diana.

-Very nice to meet you. Hello, Diana.

-Is this where it all happens?

-It's all happening in there at the moment.

85-year-old Diana Smart started making cheese as a retirement hobby 25 years ago...

Meet the rest of the team.

..becoming one of just a handful of small producers making Single Gloucester.

There's only five or six makers of it in the world.

It must be made in Gloucestershire.

It must be made to a traditional recipe

and the farm that makes it must have Gloucester cattle.

Gloucester cattle have always been prized for their fine cheese-making milk,

but perhaps the real secret of Diana's Single Gloucester lies in the old-fashioned machinery

she's inherited like the ancient curd press...

..and the venerable curd mill.

-It looks like a piece of late Victorian machinery.

-Well, yes.

It's at least 100 years old.

-Probably more like 120 or 130 years old.

-Right.

OK. I'm worried about your fingers. You said you haven't had an accident yet.

-This is hard work.

-It pays off though.

Last year, their Single Gloucester was declared the best traditional cheese at the British Cheese Awards.

I think they called it Sweet Smell of Success.

It's quite ripe, isn't it?

Wow!

Diana's cheese matures in here for several months and gathers quite a bit of mould...

They're almost black, aren't they?

..before it's scrubbed out and ready to eat.

Let's try.

Oh, that's lovely!

Now make your exit fast, Catherine. These cows need milking.

MOOING

Back in Chepstow, not content with his already huge amount of stuff, David's been shopping.

Well, he does still have £29 to spend and he's a devil for it.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Hi. I'm David Harper.

-Good afternoon. My name is Dawn.

-Nice to see you.

-There's lots of different things to look at here.

-OK.

That could be £20.

Not bad. Down from £38, Dawn.

So it's a lady's nail manicure set in its original box, which is nice.

"By appointment to His Majesty the King."

Good sign. So what do we have? We've got a nail buffer.

-They're all silver.

-They are all silver.

-It's about 1908, 1910.

-1908, 1910, yeah.

-So it's Edwardian.

-Yes.

So circa very early 20th century.

Let me bear that in mind. You might want to sell me that with another something.

OK. What can they come up with?

-They look a bit Indian.

-How about a silver condiment set?

I could do that lot for 25 if you wanted this set instead.

-I want to spend 29.

-You like being difficult, don't you?

-I do.

I'm sure Dawn's had easier customers than this bloke.

-Tea caddy?

-Tea caddy...

Oh! A little, lacquered Chinese tea caddy.

-Not in bad condition, considering a lot of them get chipped, don't they?

-Is that £9?

-Yeah, I could do that for £9 for you.

-Could you?

OK, let's have a look. Oh, hello.

I didn't say it was perfect.

There are three other tea caddies as well. Are they part of it?

I think that manicure set is a dead cert though. It's just a question of what else?

-So the deal is £29 for this and the Indian...

-Silver.

-..silver?

-Mm-hm.

You couldn't chuck the tea caddies in as well, could you?

You're definitely going to come and work for me! Goodness me!

-£29?

-For that wildest collection...

That's a hard choice, isn't it?

So...

That, the Indian silver, but you know, it is what it is.

And then the tea caddy is just as a bit of a sweetener.

-OK.

-Yes?

-Mm-hm.

-There we are.

-Thank you...so much.

That's quite a collection, actually, for £29.

Don't tell everybody.

Who knows how he's going to arrange all that into some sensible lots for the auction?

But while David has been buying everything he can get his hands on,

Catherine has returned to the River Wye...

Why? I don't know.

..travelling from Churcham to Chepstow.

That looks familiar.

I need one more special item, I think,

that's going to get me out of a bit of trouble.

Now, what's this little...

-This certainly feels like it's silver to me.

-Yes.

1964.

It's chainmail.

And it's a little purse. Isn't that cute?

It looks like it's missing a little ball off here.

The ticket price is £38, but you'll struggle to get the price down.

Would you take £20 for that?

-30.

-Oh, dear.

20 would be better.

-I would be losing money on it.

-At 20?

-Yes.

Shall we say 25 and that's sort of fair?

-What about 28?

-Why not? 28.

-We'll shake on 28.

She's now got just £37.01 left to spend.

A nice pair of silver tongs. They've got the initial of the person who probably owned them.

Imagine having a pair of silver tongs and putting your initial on! You must be terribly posh.

1901... Lesley, can we say 25?

-Go on, 25.

-Wonderful.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-Thank you.

-So I owe you 28 and 25.

Thanks ever so much. Bye-bye.

Well, that's all the shopping over and done with. Here's a quick reminder of how much they've spent.

Sticking to tradition,

David has spent every penny of his £164 on five lots.

Catherine has been much more cautious.

Out of her £168.10, she's spent £156 on five lots.

Now, what do they think of one another's items?

I really didn't like the monkeys. I thought they were nasty.

They belong in the bin.

She goes along and buys really nice, refined-looking stuff, making mine look like a car boot display!

I think he's almost tried too hard. He's bought so much stuff

that there's nothing really of any great quality.

Oh, dear!

After starting out in the Welsh valleys at Merthyr Tydfil,

our two are now ready for an auction in Gloucestershire at Wotton-under-Edge.

Here we are! "Monster boot sale."

That is where your stuff belongs.

Oh, the Cotswolds.

The Edge in the town's name refers to an escarpment in the hills which flank Wotton,

but just how edgy will today's events be?

-Oh, I have been here before.

-Here we go.

-What?

-I knew it.

-What?

-I knew it. You always say that.

Don't tell me. They specialise in Steiff bears...

-And toy cars.

-And rubbish cars.

-Rubbish cars?

-Yes.

-I'm feeling very confident about my items, not so much about yours.

-Here we go.

-Very confident indeed.

-Good luck in the penultimate auction.

-First one in wins!

Welcome to Wotton Auction Rooms in the fabulous old Tabernacle.

Remember that old cabinet of Catherine's that didn't sell the last time?

Well, here it is again.

Auctioneer Philip Taubenheim is in charge at the sale.

First, it's the unsold cabinet of Catherine's.

For your delight, we have a 1930s glazed and painted, wooden display cabinet.

I love that. The first time I saw it, I just fell in love.

£10 to start? 10. £10, we're in.

12 I'm bid. 14 I'm bid.

£14 we're bid. At £14. 16 I'm bid.

18 I'm bid. 20 I'm bid. 22.

-£22 takes it...

-Yeah!

I can't believe she's gone.

What a start! Well, if that can sell, anything can.

Ey-up, it's David's monkeys.

15 I'm bid. £15. 16 I'm bid. At 16. At 18.

20 I'm bid. 22 I'm bid.

24 I'm bid. 26 I'm bid.

-28 I'm bid. 30 I'm bid.

-Come on.

-At £30.

34 anywhere now? Are you happy with that at £32 then...?

Oh, my goodness me!

Maybe they were a bit nutty.

Of all the objects, I thought they had a chance of surprising.

-Did you?

-I genuinely did.

Now it's David's motoring picnic set and tea caddies?

At 10. At 12 I'm bid.

At 14 I'm bid. At 16 I'm bid. At 18 I'm bid. 20 now.

22. 25. 28. Bid 30.

-Oh, oh...

-At £30. At £30 for everything in it.

A cheap enough lot, surely, at £30.

-No, no!

-All finished and happy with that at £30 then?

Oh, dear, an even bigger loss after costs!

I'm fed up.

Catherine's silver and glass lot is next.

At 30 I'm bid. 35 I'm bid. 38. Bid 40.

At 40 I'm bid. 42, is it? 42. 45.

46. 48. At 48, the lot, I'm bid. At 48.

The bid's on the book here. All done at 48...

Oh, dear, and it started so well!

-Why does that only make £48?

-I don't know, I'm utterly devastated(!)

-Oh, shut up!

-It's your rubbish car collection next.

-This is my big hope.

It's been a while since these saw the showroom. Good runners though!

At £10 I'm bid. 12 I'm bid. Is that 14 I'm bid? 16 I'm bid.

18 I'm bid. 20 I'm bid. 22.

25. At £25 I'm bid.

£25 this time then... 306 on the book.

Well, that's second-hand cars for you, isn't it?

-I honestly would have laid money that they would have made 80 quid.

-No?

-I would. But there you go.

Now, how much does Wotton love Steiff bears?

40 I'm bid. 45 I'm bid. 48.

Bid 50. £50 and it's sold at 50...

-I've made money.

-Yes, that's what's supposed to happen!

-I've made some money.

-Well done.

Next, Catherine's brooch, got very cheaply. Real pearls, they think.

35 I'm bid. At 35. Who wants it now? 40 I'm bid.

At £40. I'm bid £40. 45.

50 I'm bid. The bid's there. At £50 I'm bid. At £50, the brooch.

Any advance there? 50...

50!

-Well done.

-Thank you very much.

The best profit so far for Catherine.

Now, how on earth do you describe this lot, David?

20 I'm bid. 22. 25.

28. Bid 30.

32. 35.

38. Bid 40.

42. 42. Lady's bid.

At £42 then... 45, another lady. At 45 I'm bid.

All finished at 45 then...

Like I say, an inspired pairing!

So I'm just out of the hole... of despair.

Catherine now. Are we looking at a profit for these?

£20 I'm bid. 25 I'm bid. 25. 28 I'm bid.

At 28. 30 I'm bid. 32.

At £32 this time then. 990.

Catherine's quality drive is paying off.

Well done. £12 profit.

-You're stomping away.

-Not really. After commission, how much is that?

-You're definitely stomping away.

Now for her silver pencil and not very practical purse.

£20 I'm bid, thank you. Right in the middle. 342A.

At £20 I'm bid. 5 anywhere now for the two pieces? At £20 I'm bid.

All done? At £20 I'm bid. Maiden bid. Happy to let that go?

£20 and it's sold at £20 then...? You've got it.

-I'm really shocked.

-I'm genuinely amazed at that. Genuinely.

Oh, dear. Silver doesn't always pay, it seems.

-Isn't that strange?

-Very strange.

Finally, Catherine's willow wand.

Cricket bat next.

-That's the worry.

-Yeah.

-This is the big worry for me, yeah.

Anyone want to give me £20 for the cricket bat? £20 I'm bid.

He lives in Belgium! £20 bid. Don't let it leave the country.

At £20. At £20.

25 I'm bid. 30 I'm bid.

At £30 I'm bid. The cricket bat at £30.

At £30. Who moves it now? At £30 bid. 35 I'm bid. At 35.

40 I'm bid. At £40 I'm bid. The bat at £40.

Is that the best we can manage in Gloucestershire?

Any advance? It goes to Belgium.

Are you all done and are you sure at £40? It's sold at 40...

You did exactly the right thing. Right object, right sale.

You made a profit and that's what it's about.

It didn't quite reach the half century, but it's not been too bad a day for Catherine.

David started out with £164

and after auction costs, he made a loss of £14.76,

so he now has just £149.24.

Catherine began with £168.10

and after paying auction costs, she lost 16 pence,

leaving her with the lead and £185.94 to spend.

Well, you are the winner, Miss Southon.

-And it means one thing.

-All to play for.

-You are driving.

-Come on. You're my chauffeur-ess.

-Which key? That key?

-Big one.

-All to play for now.

-It is. I know. How terribly exciting!

-This is very exciting.

-Oh!

-Put the clutch in.