Comedians Miles Jupp and Nina Wadia team up with antiques experts Thomas Plant and Catherine Southon on a trip around Berkshire and Buckinghamshire in two classic cars.
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Some of the nation's favourite celebrities. Why have I got such expensive taste?
One antiques expert each.
That would be amazing. And one big challenge -
who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices...
Answers on a postcard.
..and auction for a big profit further down the road?
You're the expert. Who will spot the good investments?
Who will listen to advice? Do you like it? Horrible.
And who will be the first to say, "Don't you know who I am?!"?
Well done, us. Time to put your pedal to the metal.
This is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!
Today's multi-talented celebrity road trippers are the comedy coupling of Miles Jupp...
I'm not really a car person.
And Nina Wadia. Well, I love cars, so...
You should drive. You sure? I'll be in charge of the stereo.
Nina is today driving a gorgeous 1992 Alfa Romeo Spider.
I'll navigate. I've got no sense of direction.
Nina's career has taken her from the fast lane of comedy
in the groundbreaking sketch show Goodness Gracious Me and sitcom All About Me
to the streets of Walford in a five-year stint with some explosive storylines.
She played the much put-upon Zainab Masood.
How competitive are you? I'm competitive.
Within the field of antiques or...? I know nothing about antiques if I'm perfectly honest.
If I go for something, I really go for it. Riding shotgun is funny man Miles Jupp,
a stand-up since he was a student.
"This machine does not accept Scottish money."
Everyone in London moans about Scottish people begging.
They're probably not poor. They just can't break into a pound note.
He first became famous as Archie the Inventor in kids' show Balamory
before moving on to political satire The Thick of It and also Rev.
Do you know anything about antiques? I think I could spot an antique.
Me, too! His knowledge of antiques is nothing compared to his knowledge of cricket.
He's written a best-selling book centred around it
and his specialist knowledge of it helped him win Celebrity Mastermind. Congratulations. Thank you.
Obviously the high-point of your career so far. Very much so. Until today, obviously.
We're about to meet antiques experts. That's right, yes. And they'll choose us, I think.
Oh, really? That's how it's going to work today, Miles.
In a 1960 Morris Minor, the duo doing the choosing today are the incorrigible Thomas Plant...
..and the insatiable Catherine Southon. Very nice legs, actually.
Do you like a cyclist? My husband's a cyclist. You do, don't you?
When he's not busy being Michael McIntyre's body double, Thomas loves a good auction
and is an expert in jewellery, watches, silver and James Bond. Yes - James Bond.
We've got everything onside today. This lovely Morris Minor, we've got the sun shining. Mm-hm.
I've got you. What could possibly go wrong?
Nothing like tempting fate, girl. Oh, the pressure, the pressure.
Our Catherine is an expert on scientific and medical instruments and maritime works of art.
Who does she want controlling her compass today? I think girls in the sports car. You think so?
So you're with Miles. Yeah. And I'm with Nina.
Do you think they know about antiques? No, I don't. I think Miles might. Do you think?
He could be a dark horse. He's quite posh.
This road is getting narrower. Like Charlie in the Chocolate Factory to that little door!
We'll go to the land of the Oompa Loompas.
I can assure you it's not the land of the Oompa Loompas you're heading to.
With ?400 each to spend, this trip will see our dynamic duos dealing and duelling
across south-west England.
From High Wycombe, they'll take the back roads of Buckinghamshire, Berkshire and Surrey
and criss-cross the Home Counties before heading to auction over 100 miles away in Gloucester.
Where are our celebs?
What do you think they'll look like? Em, Lovejoy, I presume.
Hello! Working hard?
Hello. Thomas. Miles. Hello.
I'd like an ice cream. That's ?3.60. There we are. Thank you very much indeed.
But you didn't barter. That's what you've got to do.
There's always another price. You can't barter with an ice cream lady! Why not?!
Before Thomas negotiates the 99 down to a 79, it's time for our teams to get going.
Come on. Happy antiquing.
Goodbye. Lovely to meet you. We're so beating them.
So the boys might be in for a licking, but first a slight problem - Miles's driving.
Mine's a bit tight. Make the day run really smoothly.
I'm warming up. For a car like this.
The go-getting girls seem to find this driving lark a whole lot easier.
Oh, perfect! Well done, Nina.
As the girls tear up the highway, Miles is still struggling. Oh...
I've done that "Please overtake me" manoeuvre.
Are we turning left here? Right.
You can turn right, it's fine. This is the worst news ever.
After some tears, bad language and terrible driving,
Miles and Thomas eventually complete the six-mile trip to Marlow. At least the car is in one piece.
Oh, for...! You've broken it!
Great Marlow, as it was known until the late 19th century, was given by William the Conqueror
to his queen Matilda after 1066.
She only wanted new shoes. The town was passed down through various royal hands over the years
before becoming a borough and changing its name, so with ?400
the Jupp/Plant combo meet Zoe Heindes of Buckingham Antiques.
Hello. Hello, I'm Miles. Hi, Miles. I'm Zoe.
Hi, I'm Thomas. Hi, Thomas.
It doesn't take long until something catches Miles's eye.
A little Staffordshire set. I don't know if me liking cricket
is going to affect the price they sell at at auction. No.
No, I don't think that will affect the value, Miles. You are the seller, not the buyer.
Thomas spots an enamel dressing table set that he thinks might be a goer with a price of ?200.
This is guilloche enamel, a translucent enamel.
The silver has been made by a silversmith
and then engine-turned. Pardon? This design is called engine-turned.
Engine-turned engraving makes a precise pattern on the base metal which is visible under the enamel.
The enamel, basically glass beads, has been applied over and then it's fired to give it this design
and then the mirror's put in. Right. It's got a bevel to the mirror. Another sign of quality.
But Miles isn't impressed. I don't really like it.
It is very commercial. Very? You don't have to like it to buy it.
No, I hear you. It does seem like a lot of hairbrushes.
This is showy. So this comes at the auction. People will say, "That's a nice set."
"There's five of them." It's blue. "One for clothes..."
If you want to buy it, as I never tire of saying to random strangers, you're the expert.
Yes, he is the expert. So watch and learn, Miles.
Is there any movement on that price? I can do a little bit for you.
What do you mean "a little bit"? Down to 180? The 180 is a bit more than I wanted to pay.
Is there any way you can work some magic for me?
175? That's a ?5 discount. I was thinking maybe a little bit more than that.
Is this your haggling stance? Yes, it is!
Watch - don't interrupt, Miles. I'm picking up tips as well. You are.
Right. Absolute best price - 170. I know this isn't haggling, but 15% sounds a pretty good discount to me.
Ssh! That's the opposite of haggling.
Unfortunately, 170 would be the bottom price.
I think we should go for it. I'm up for that. Very reasonable.
I had 140 in mind. I don't think... Anyway, 170.
Having sabotaged Tom's deal, Miles now needs to hand over the cash to Zoe.
Cor! Hope they're clean socks. There you are.
Oh, I have a question. Do you really work at the shop?
Having confirmed Zoe's credentials and accepted Tom's expertise, Miles is happy to continue.
Catherine and Nina meanwhile have made a nine-mile journey
between High Wycombe and their first shop in Burnham. Time for tactics.
Do we go for, like, one massively huge item?
Or do we just buy little things?
We'll probably buy about four or five items... Aww.
No? No, OK. I say if you're going to go down, go down in a blaze of glory.
And then, if things don't go right for us, we drive off a cliff in this car.
Yes, Thelma and Louise. I like the sound of that.
And here we are. Burnham Village. Yay! This is our first stop.
In the Middle Ages, beautiful Burnham was the overnight stop-off between London and Bath,
but in the 20th century it earned some fame as a movie location
for Carry On films and Robin Hood.
This is our first shop. Will Nina and Catherine rob the rich to give to the poor?
Or will it turn into a bit of a carry on? First stop for them and their ?400
is Burnham Emporium. Never been to an antique shop? Never. Fun!
In charge of the fun, dealer Judy Ditchburn and Anne Ford, the manageress. Let's go!
What are we going to buy, Nina? I think we should go that way and look for something.
Jade! Jade! According to Chinese folklore, laughing Buddha figures can bring good luck.
You might need it today.
Oh, he's beautiful. Look. You have to rub their bellies like that.
And feel the good luck. Absolutely. Before an audition, I used to rub my dad's belly.
?150. I don't think we can afford that. No! We have ?400!
You have to look at how well-carved it is. I feel real good luck from him. Do you? I'm not joking.
I don't think it's terribly well carved. Oh, I do.
I sense there may be some differing opinions ahead from these two.
Shall we look around? You're making me nervous saying he's not carved properly.
That Buddha's crying now. He's clearly devastated.
We need something really strange.
What about buying a group load of silver? Yeah... You're not interested in that, I can tell.
Is it in my voice? Yes!
I thought Nina was going to go with the flow, but she's very fixed on what she wants.
'She's a lady that likes to say no.'
She's a hard woman to please. Sorry. But I'm up to a challenge.
But Judy thinks this little pooch painted by a French artist might get a yes out of Nina.
It looks amazing. I really don't like these dogs.
Catherine may not like it, but these sketchy kitsch early 20th century animal prints are rather popular.
I can obviously do better than I've put on there.
Down to about 65.
I think we'd need to go... A lot lower than that.
What's "a lot" lower? ?20? Oh, no, no. There's no way... She IS a haggler!
No, I can't do it for 20.
Could you do it for 40? That would be...
Please? 45 and then I'm making about a pound on it! Oh...
Shall I leave you to think about it? Yes, let's leave us to think.
Catherine and Nina are struggling to get an item until a spot of patriotism takes hold.
That's very English. I think you'll find that's the British flag.
Look at that. That's beautiful.
It's lovely. How much is it?
How much? 55. We'd want to pay about...20.
Hm. 55 seems a bit high, so Anne calls the owner to see if they can get it for ?25.
They're looking at your bunting which is in cabinet number one.
What would be the best price?
OK, hold on. She'd do it for 30. That's the best.
OK, thanks. Bye.
I like the flags. The bunting. Do you want the pooch and the flags?
We could get a deal maybe. OK, let's try. Do you want to try?
They're going to try to get a deal, but with different owners for each item that could prove tricky.
I will shave a couple more pounds off the pooch. Especially with the uncompromising Anne as go-between.
Would your lovely friend shave a couple of pounds off hers? No. 30.
What do you think, Buddha? "Talk to me..." He says you're right.
Does he? He says we should get these. Thanks, Buddha.
OK, let's do it. Yes and yes. OK, done.
So with ?30 paid for the bunting, ?43 for the painting and the Buddha left to meditate,
Catherine and Nina hit the road, which is what Miles would do if he could master the Morris Minor.
That's it. You've jumped out of gear. Put it in second. Can you smell burning?
Don't worry. You're fine. # Baby, we were born to run... #
After a lot of blood, swearing and tears,
Miles and Thomas finally make the five-mile trip back to High Wycombe.
While they're in the area, they want to find out more about the industry that put the town on the map.
This corner of England is famous for furniture and the craftsmen and artisans of the town
not only revolutionised the industry but gave the whole Empire something to sit on.
# Baby, we were born to run! # Educating our boys is Wycombe Museum curator Catherine Grigg.
She's sure going to have her work cut out. Hello. I'm Thomas. Hello, I'm Catherine. Welcome.
I'm Miles. I'm a learner driver. Right, come on.
Loads of local beechwood, good links to London and a surplus of labour
caused by the mechanisation of the paper mills meant High Wycombe was perfectly placed
to take advantage of the demands of an expanding empire.
The town produced all manner of furniture, but it was chairs that it left the world behind in.
The first mass-produced chair in the world was built right here and named the Windsor chair
because they were shipped from Windsor to London and beyond in a surprisingly modern way.
You could take the whole of the back bit off and you'd be left with a stool.
The top bit would slot in to the seat.
So it's a bit like your flatpack furniture of today, but 19th century.
Ones that were shipped around the Empire were shipped flatpack.
Everyone makes the same length, legs, the same size backs.
Lots of people were making a Windsor chair.
How many chairs were made like this? Hundreds of thousands?
Well, I can tell you that in 1877, when Queen Victoria came to visit,
they were making 4,700 chairs per day.
That's an unbelievable amount. A six-day week...
I can hear the cogs whirring in his head. A six-day week, six times four is 24,000, seven sixes is...
another 4,200, so 28,200 chairs a week. That is... Stunning. That is a busy old High Wycombe.
That's right. Over a staggering 28,000 chairs produced in a week.
Flatpacked and then shipped around the world,
but who made these chairs? Well, in the early days,
craftsmen based themselves in the woods to make legs for the chairs using green timber,
which, when assembled, helped make a sturdier construction.
The men making the legs were known as bodgers, but it's their colleagues in the workshops
providing amusement now for Miles and Thomas. A different man made the chair seats.
He was a bottomer. He shaped the chair seats.
Another job I dare say you could take on and perform with some panache.
Do you get kids coming in here? I bet you can't keep a straight face. They giggle. We get classes
of schoolchildren in every week. That's the bit they always remember.
Would you be a bottomer or a bodger?
I...oh... In the woods or in the factory? I'd like to be in the woods. I would, too. Yeah.
Do you want a go at bodging? I'd love that. Great. Have a go and get the idea. Go on.
If you can get a rhythm going... Although bodging has come to mean making a bad job of something,
like Miles is doing here, the bodgers were skilled artisans.
It's a real skill, isn't it?
Not only were they skilled craftsmen, they were designers,
as this rather clever upside down chair demonstrates.
If you went out in the morning to your garden and you wanted to sit down and relax
and it had rained overnight or there was bird poo on it,
you could simply turn the chair the right way round and it works just as well.
It's exactly the same. A mirror image. A mirror image. This is brilliant. You've got one?
No, I haven't. Could I sit in it?
I'm really sorry. We don't let people sit in our chairs. This one's particularly fragile.
We only know of one other like it in existence. It's got two sides...
But you might break it. Can I sit in one? I'm sorry. You cannot sit in both sides. OK.
I think we need to work on the design for this.
But I've not sat in it. I don't know if it's worth it. But you're now a bodger.
You could have a go. I could be a bottomer. Come on. I just wanted to sit in it.
So with Miles and Thomas's plans for a future furniture enterprise yet to be worked out,
let's say chair-io to High Wycombe.
Both teams now have purchases under their belts
and Catherine and Nina are heading 4? miles to Maidenhead.
As a high-flyer in her own career, Nina's come to Maidenhead Heritage Centre
to find out about female high flyers of a completely different kind.
Just some tricky parking to deal with first. I can't believe I did that after all that way!
In we go...
Nearly. And again...
You are top dog! You think parking an Alfa Romeo Spider is tough, Nina?
Wait until you find out more about the amazing women of the Air Transport Auxiliary and their vital,
but largely unknown role in helping to win WWII.
It's all detailed here in the Spitfire exhibition curated by John Webster.
Hello, ladies. Welcome to Maidenhead.
The brave women of the Air Transport Auxiliary or ATA took over
non-military flying duties during the war so that the male pilots were left free to fight the enemy.
They risked their lives flying planes and personnel between airfields, factories
and maintenance sites.
Here we have the founders. Gerard D'Erlanger for the men
and Pauline Gower for the women.
At the start of the war, women weren't allowed to fly in the ATA,
but thanks to this remarkable woman, the ATA took the radical step of letting them join.
She also fought for equal pay and conditions, making it one of the first equal opportunity employers.
There was a tremendous amount of opposition
to allowing females to fly the King's aeroplanes.
I can imagine. Eventually, the powers that be relaxed their attitude
and the women went on to fly all manner of operational aircraft.
These women with wings flew their planes without radios, little in the way of instruments
and at the mercy of the British weather, using only local landmarks to guide them.
They were often asked to fly types of planes they'd never flown before with only this little guide book.
And a lot of them were single-seat aircraft... So you didn't have anyone to help you.
You couldn't have someone to help. All you had was a little book.
That's ridiculous! With a little set of notes. There's a lovely remark in this one,
which says, "The Beaufort will fly on one engine, but needs very firm handling."
Oh! A bit like the car, really!
Perhaps the most famous ATA pilot was Amy Johnson.
Before the war, the glamorous and daring Amy stunned the world with various flying records,
most notably as the first woman to fly solo from England to Australia.
Here is, in fact, a collection of log books, bound together.
Of Philippa Bennett.
And there are references in here
to flying with Amy Johnson.
Sadly, Amy was also the first ATA pilot to die during the war
when she bailed out over the Thames in bad weather, giving her life in the service of her country.
I'm... I knew nothing about this. This is amazing. So fascinating.
It just shows how brave you had to be.
It's hard today for Nina to imagine what her sisters in the sky experienced decades ago,
but something here might just help.
Here at Maidenhead we have built a Spitfire simulator.
And we'd love you to try it out. That would be incredible.
Her instructor is Christopher Hobbs.
Right. Have you flown before, any sort of plane? Yes, several Spitfires when... No!
I have never flown before. OK, we'll start from the basics.
Let's hope Nina can fly a Spitfire better than she can park.
Will the example of the brave women of the ATA inspire her to reach for the skies?
Or will she be brought back down to earth with a bump? Chocks away!
Got it... That's good.
We should really do a roll. Oh, no! We're going for a roll.
Watch the horizon. There it goes. Wow! Wow!
And it stays there gently. Now let's see if Nina can bring this crate in to land.
I need to get the nose down. Yes.
Almost there... Wow!
A bit of a bounce, bit of a bounce. Oh, no, it's terrible!
Oh, no! No!
We better get the fire out. I think that deserves a certificate.
Oh, no! I crashed it! Well done.
That was a good flight. We'll get the landing right next time. Thank you.
I will treasure that. Thanks. Well, that was the world of the ATA
and those magnificent women in their flying machines. Catherine and Nina are done for the day
and so are our not-so-magnificent men in their driving machine. Planes, chairs and automobiles -
who knows what tomorrow might bring? Night night.
Yes, it's a new day and another chance for our antiques experts to do battle.
Did you do anything yesterday?! A bit of shopping. We bought one thing. One thing?! Pathetic!
It was quite expensive as well. How much? It was over ?100.
Ha! What you and Miles actually spent was a rather large ?170 on one item,
a very fetching blue Art Deco silver and enamel dressing table set,
which leaves Team Jupp with a fighting fund of ?230 for the day.
Nina and Catherine spent a somewhat stingy ?73 on some vintage bunting for ?30...
It's wonderful. I love it. It smells good as well.
..and a 19th-century painting by Pierre Riensard, costing ?43.
Magnifique, possiblement. That little dog leaves them with a big kitty of ?327.
With a day's road tripping behind them, what do our experts think?
How did you get on with Nina? The one thing I would say about her is
she really has her mind made up. Showed her something. "No!" Showed her something. "No!"
She's a woman who knows what she wants. Oh, my, does she!
Do you find you agree about what to buy? Absolutely not.
Oh, really? Yeah. What I wanted to do from the beginning was buy one really unusual big piece. Right.
Has it become heated? It did.
So there's some tension on the road. Nina is desperate to splash the cash on something she really likes,
but can our experts keep our celebrities in check?
Yesterday took both our teams through beautiful Buckinghamshire and Berkshire,
but today Teams Wadia and Jupp will be travelling through stunning Surrey, starting the day on foot
in East Molesey.
East Molesey was once known as the bare knuckle boxing capital of Britain.
It's a lot more civilised today, but we might yet see a bit of sparring.
I've been hearing about your purchases. You told him?!
Not what we bought! I'm upset now.
I told him we didn't spend a huge amount. We splashed out. We did.
How many items did you buy? One, with five component parts. I said that's what I wanted to do!
She's telling me off now! Let's go and buy another better item. We're going into there!
First I need you to go round, get a selection of menus
and I can have a proper think... Always thinking about lunch!
Well, you know...
Hi, how are you? I'm fine. I'm Thomas. What's your name? Lesley. Nice to meet you, Lesley.
The lovely Lesley Denny has been a dealer at Hampton Court Antiques for over 16 years
and the shop is big enough for Tom to indulge one of his odder habits. One thing that I find odd is
that when he's not on camera, he always wears a pith helmet.
It's very... It's very hard to catch him.
I was rather taken by some of the things in this... Were you? Yeah.
What's this tantalus marked up at? Do you like a tantalus? What's a tantalus? A decanter like that.
A decanter stand. Three bottles in there - whisky, cognac or...
Oh, and it's got a handle. So it's perfect for picnics.
This tantalus was made by the famous Mappin and Webb.
They were used by the upper classes to keep booze locked away from the staff.
What can I do for you? This tantalus hasn't got a price tag on it.
Oh, what a surprise! I'll phone.
While Lesley calls Steven, the owner, Miles spots something else he'd like to digest.
No, not his lunch. Something I imagined gets a lot of money
is special Reader's Digest... No, what's great about these is you get four novels,
all abridged. People in the Cotswolds do not have time to read full-length books.
This is absolutely perfect. That could be some people's entire retirement reading.
Any news down the wires? Yes, I have. Is he on the phone?
Yes, he's on the phone. The best possible price for cash is 150.
I was thinking more like two figures. Could you have a word?
A deal on the tantalus is tantalisingly close. Stephen?
Hi. How are you?
Miles's mind has turned to a much more important subject. Lunch.
I've got another menu to peruse so I can get on with the sensible business.
So 120's your final offer? OK, OK. I was really thinking 95.
No, I know. OK.
All right, I understand. That's very fair.
I'll have to talk to Miles. OK, bye-bye.
Miles, do you want to know about the tantalus? Oh, yes. 120. That sounds all right. Buy it?
Yeah. OK. We'd love to buy this. We'll do the deal.
With the price agreed, Thomas spots another upper class accoutrement for sale.
These are great. Aren't they? They're fun.
A three-room bell indicator box. It's in our price range. ?45.
Would you do your hard negotiation? I think so. This is an Edwardian beech bell indicator box,
which you used to summon servants, presumably the ones who weren't stealing your booze.
Have you experience of selling this? Yes. They're delightful. Who likes these? People in the Cotswolds.
For the kitchen, it's quite fun. I can get you a good price on that.
People will put it up as a novelty item. A novelty in the kitchen.
Kids say, "What is that, Mummy?" "When we were rich once, we had staff
"and there was a bell," et cetera.
Thomas has never really got over letting the staff go. Never mind.
He's got Lesley doing his bidding.
Tom is interested in your indicator box. The three-room bell indicator box.
You've got ?45 on it. I said you were very generous and would give them a very good price. You sweet talker!
He'll take ?10 off. It'll be 35.
Do you think he would be kind enough to take ?15 off? Would you come down to 30?
I told you he was a nice man. He'll do 30 for you. Lovely. He's a very nice man. Very, very nice.
He's a very nice man. Thank you, Tony. Thank you!
I'm worried you're running away with yourself. I'd like to take 2-3 hours to choose the next item.
Really? And not to cost more than ?4.
Just down the road are Catherine and Nina, checking out Sue Haswell
and her shop, Bridge Road Antiques.
Nice to meet you.
We want to spend some money today.
What is that? Ooh!
Is it alive? Oh, it's armadillo! A real one?!
Nina is attracted to the more weird and wonderful items. What is wrong with me?!
While Catherine is interested in things that are a bit more practical.
Do you like these storage jars? Oh, no. Nice try, Catherine.
Oh, what about a rocking horse?
Look at this. ?475.
Move on! No, I like it. No, move on! Why?
Because that would sell at auction for about ?60. No! Honestly.
What if we bargain them right down? Go on. See what you can get it for.
Nina's been desperate to haggle for something she really likes. Now is her big chance.
Can I ask you something crazy? Go on. I love that rocking horse.
Yeah? But it's 400 and something. Mm-hm. Would you consider something crazy?
It depends how crazy! I mean seriously crazy.
Like half-price crazy. Like ?200. Probably not.
Not as far as... How about ?150? Yeah, going lower with your price isn't quite how haggling works.
I think she wants something that's got a wow factor.
That probably has the wow factor. Yes, it absolutely does.
Nina is so determined to see everything, she's got Sue bringing boxes of stuff out for a rummage,
but eventually they find hidden treasure. Well, most of it.
When you've got dressing table sets, people want the mirrors.
Come on, mirror, where are you? There's a mirror there.
The dressing table set is looking promising, but Nina is dropping not-so-subtle hints.
You want that horse, don't you? What made you think of that?
Sue, we need your help. Put all this stuff together and they'd have a whole set of silver things.
Edwardian Rococo silver sets are still popular, but with all the pieces not matching,
it's not a stellar item. But it could still sell for its scrap value.
I think ?60 for all of that. I can't. We'd want it all together.
A really good price for it. I'm not going to be anywhere near you.
The girls are trying, but Sue isn't for budging. I'd say 120.
My whole problem with this is that it doesn't really all match perfectly. No.
I think we would be very happy to give you ?100 for the lot.
In a rare show of unity, Catherine and Nina agree ?100 for the dressing table set.
OK? Yes. Thank you so much.
Sue, thank you very much indeed. Thank you for being so patient!
Nina still wants that one big item, though. Will they get it before the end of the day?
Outside, however, dastardly deeds are afoot.
Those naughty boys have decided it's time for a spot of joyriding in Nina and Catherine's car.
How dare they! This is really nice and comfortable.
Sit in it. I think we'll steal this.
The next stop for them in their stolen car
is just three miles along the road in Walton-on-Thames.
This is a much better car! And it's a chance for Thomas to find out more about Miles,
whose recent role as a trainee vicar in Rev could have been art imitating life.
Where did you go to university? Edinburgh. What did you read? A degree in divinity.
In fact, today a lot of my best friends are people I met on that course.
Are they all priests? None of them.
But it's his antiques buying skills Miles would like to be recognised for now.
I'm going to choose whatever it is we get next. Shall I sit back and have a cup of tea?
Yeah, or you could nip out and get us coffees.
Miles has been learning from the master since yesterday and now he's finally in charge.
Miles studied divinity, he's played a reverend and his dad was a vicar,
so it's only fitting that their last port of call has an ecclesiastical theme.
Antique Church Furnishings. I really like church chairs.
Time is running out for the boys and with only ?80 left, so is money,
but Miles still won't let the Reader's Digest debacle go.
What was it? Six books? In the Cotswolds, six books, people would bite your hand off.
And it's not just six books. Each book contains four books!
24 novels. Condensed novels. Disappointingly condensed.
They're not at all. They take out the tedious bits.
I am not listening to this any longer. Come on.
Do you think the girls will be angry we've stolen their car? I don't know. Yes, they will, won't they?
In case you hadn't guessed, this place sells church furnishings.
To show them round is Lawrence.
I love religious artefacts. I think they're all fabulous.
So much devotion and love has gone into them. Oh, look. We know all about these. Windsor chairs.
We went around the museum. Oh, dear. Will they go all giggly again?
Oh, gosh. We can actually sit on them. You can.
How do you feel? Good, aren't they, chairs? This is fabulous.
If you live in the Cotswolds, you could have one in your kitchen. You could.
It's all right, isn't it? That's good.
FAP. Answers on a postcard. I'll save you the stamp.
FAP stood for First Aid Post. It was part of the civil defence during WWII,
offering first aid to civilians after regular bombing raids. So now you know, Miles. Like that?
This is great, but I want to buy a pew. We should get a pew. Definitely.
It's now Miles's turn to haggle. Is God on his side or is the devil in the detail?
Take a pew like this. This is marked at 275.
A pew like this one here, for instance, they're ?90.
That's kind of a loss leader. The pew equivalent of cheap cans of beans.
It's the value range of pews. That's right.
A pew for every pocket.
What is the best price?
Because it's you, I'd knock a fiver off, make it ?85. ?85.
What if I was to say to you... ?70?
I'd say that's just a chunk too much.
What about 75? 80 would be our...
Oh, my God, it really hurts. ..bottom, bottom price. Bottom, bottom price.
Can I jut interject? Let's hear what you've got to say.
Lawrence, ?80. Would you throw in that helmet?
No, absolutely not. Go on. No, no. We've only got that 80.
And we need to buy two more items. The boys struggle until Miles has a novel idea - part exchange
on one of the items Tom's picked. We will give you the tantalus. The tantalus? No...
A special church tantalus. I like the idea of a tantalus. I've always had a craving for one.
What about two pews and a helmet for a tantalus and 80 quid?
What was the other pew? Maybe this... Where are you going with this?
If we can trade in a tantalus, this is a good thing to do.
Two pews and the helmet for a tantalus and 80 quid. No! No!
So...that's two pews, a helmet and a dumbfounded antiques expert for a tantalus and ?80.
That's either genius or madness. The auction will decide which.
Well done! What a deal! I've surprised myself.
Do you know why I've been able to do this? Why? Because I had a proper lunch.
That's the secret to a happy life.
In East Molesey, Nina and Catherine have left Bridge Road Antiques
and travelled 200 yards to lovely Lesley's Hampton Court Emporium.
Hello, ladies. I'm Nina. I'm Lesley. Hello, Lesley. I'm Catherine. Good to meet you. You, too.
They now have ?227 left to spend and Nina is determined it's her pick next.
Come on. Where are you hiding this magnificent thing I am looking for. Where are you hiding?
I don't know what you think about this very stylish mirror.
You probably don't like it, but the whole thing is Art Deco.
A very traditional fan shape. Yeah. You've got the pink glass as well, which is nice.
OK. The pink glass and... Nina almost seems to like it. There's a chip on the bottom.
Oh, I didn't notice the chip.
Is this yours? No, but I can phone them.
I think that's nice. At ?60 it's very nice, but the problem for Nina is she didn't choose it.
Is that theirs as well? That mirror?
That's beautiful. I like that one. I think that's gorgeous. It is nice.
This eye-catching 1920s mirror, at ?135,
combines French and Egyptian styles, a combination that goes back to Napoleonic times.
It has the wow factor? It has.
With the wow factor found, Lesley gets on the phone to Valerie, the owner.
She's come down to 80. I do love that.
That would be amazing. Let's go with it, then. Yeah?
So with one wow mirror in the bag for ?80, Nina spots another.
Oh, my gosh! Look, look, look. Another Art Deco mirror.
Wow. That is nice, too. That is really beautiful.
It's exactly what you're looking for without the chip.
It's incredible. We know you love it, but put Catherine down, eh?
I saw it earlier and thought, "Beautiful". But at ?145, they need to do a deal
and the owner isn't contactable. Lesley, meanwhile, has hammered out a deal on the chipped one.
You're very lucky. Why? To have a persuasive duty manager.
Oooh! We love you, Lesley. ?40. So that makes ?120 for the Egyptian style and the chipped mirrors.
Looks like that's a deal to end the day and keep everyone happy.
But there's money left over and I want to spend it all. You're exhausting, Nina.
I'm exhausting. On this hot, sticky day.
Antiques dealers, no stamina whatsoever.
There's ?107 left, but the problem is that the pristine Art Deco mirror has a ticket price of ?145
and Lesley can only go so low without the owner's permission. I'll risk one...
twenty-five. And that's risking it.
That still leaves them ?18 short.
So you can't have everything.
It's the unstoppable force of Nina versus the immoveable object of Lesley.
Catherine's leaving it to Nina to steamroller the deal.
So we've got 227... No matter how you add it up, Nina, you've still only got ?107 left.
This is 95.
If we can save ?20 between the three so they all take a hit...
But they've already taken a hit. Lesley's gone as far as she can. The sticking point is the mirror.
Pass me the phone. Could her boss possibly authorise another ?18 off to meet the magic target?
Now I have come down to 125, but their budget only allows them to pay ?107, isn't it, Nina?
We love Lesley. I love her.
I want to be her new child.
It looks like Lesley might finally have some good news.
OK, the agreement is OK. That's absolutely fine. YES!
I love you, Lesley! I love you, too. Thank God we've got a deal!
And you can go now. It's half past four!
So, to recap, ?40 for the chipped Art Deco mirror,
the magic figure of ?107 for the pristine Art Deco one and ?80 for the Egyptian-style mirror.
Well, after that marathon, both teams have finally finished business for the day
and have got five lots each. Time for "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours".
First to reveal are Miles and Thomas. Ready?
Very nice. There you are.
I really love your Deco brushes. That's a really big purchase.
It was ?170. What?! For that? Well, you get five of them.
And this is the bell caller. I have one of those in my house, but it's a digital one.
Let's see what you've got. OK. Come on, girly.
One, two, three. Woo-hoo!
I do love a vanity set(!) Look at that! Isn't that extraordinary?
We found a load of silver and put it all together. How much? ?100.
?100 for the lot? Very good. Whose is the obsession with mirrors?
No, it's not MY obsession! You started with the Art Deco one.
I think you'll find it was both of you. ?25 each for those?
Oh, shut up, Thomas. ?25 each?
Is that it? Is that all you spent?
We spent everything. All of it? Every penny? That's ?400?
- Really? - Didn't you spend 400? Let's just take a seat.
Nina and Catherine are puzzled as to how the boys have spent ?400. Are they sitting on other purchases?
We've also managed to get this little pew. Right. And this little pew.
I went pew crazy when we got here. We were down to ?80 and I suddenly thought, "I want pews!"
Miles went pew crazy, but are the girls crazy about their purchases?
The helmet, for example. I know it's only ?20, but it's exactly the kind of thing I like.
And the pews - loved.
Part of me thinks they were a little underwhelmed by the pews. Really?
They're nice, but I love the enamel set. That was beautiful.
Really nice. The most beautiful piercing blue. It's lovely.
Anyway, who's going to win? I think... I think we could win, actually.
I want to go to the auction. Come on, Nina.
For auction day, both our teams have to leave Surrey's fields of gold
and travel over 100 miles north through the Thames Valley and the Cotswolds to Gloucester.
To auction we go! Are you excited? No. Why not?! Of course I am!
I'm very excited. And with naughty Nina. Naughty Nina. And I had the lovely Miles.
Mischievous Miles. And funny.
My antiques expert,
I think he will be quite up for this. He'll be quietly confident.
You think? Yeah. I'm more confident that you're going to win than we are! Really? Yes.
It's the pews. I love the pews. I hope they do well.
Ah, here they are.
Look at that. Morning. How are you?
Are you up for it, challenge-wise? We're in a church, aren't we?
Will there be added value? Added value. I think there's a few churchgoers who need the odd pew.
Yes, most fittingly, Cotswold Auctions are holding today's auction in a church hall.
The company started life in the 19th century as part of an estate agent's business
and helped sell off the contents of country houses.
It became an independent business in 1998 when today's auctioneer, Lindsey Braune, was part of a team
that bought it. What does she think of our purchases?
They've bought some interesting pieces. I particularly like that little bulldog print,
the French one. Probably between the wars.
Nice decorative print. Looking a bit serious and comical at the same time. Zut alors!
She thinks it might turn out to be formidable!
But the first aid hat might leave them battered.
It's a typical boy's lot. There's a lot of them around. They survive, they're quite solid.
And we make ?10-?20 on it. Both teams started the trip with ?400.
In a high-risk strategy, both duos splashed the lot on five lots.
So with profits going to Children In Need, let's sell some antiques!
The first item is the 1940s Union Jack bunting. Is it going to fly the flag for Nina and Catherine?
Wow! ?10. Start me off.
?10 bid. At 10. 12. 15.
22 at the back. 25. 28?
28. And 30. Stop getting in a tither.
?30. 35 here. At 35. 40, is it?
At 35, I'm selling.
Did we make any money? Not after commission. Oh.
Not so much Lovejoy as killjoy, but she's right.
After auction fees, they're unlikely to see any profit.
I didn't want to buy the bunting! I know.
This is too exciting for Miles, the Antiques Road Trip.
Beneath his cool exterior,
Miles is bracing himself for the first of his pews. Will his deal bring songs of praise
or a requiem mass? I have interest at 30. 35.
40. With me at 40. Who's going on? At ?40.
At 45. 50.
At 50. With me again at 50.
Are we all done? Selling at ?50.
Are we all sure? And selling...
Oh, dear. The Lord preferred the tantalus.
What would that tantalus have got?
Did you just make a loss?
Yes, we did. Nina...calm down.
Now it's the print of the French bulldog that Lyndsey liked.
Let's hope for a magnifique profit.
Commissions here. Starting at 15. 18.
At 18 with me. Who's going on at ?18?
20. Two. At 22. With me again at 22.
Five anywhere? At 22. All sure?
Rather handsome chap, I thought.
Again, not what I wanted to buy!
Quel dommage! That sold for just over half of what they paid for it.
They eye-catching Art Deco enamel dressing table set
was the boys' first purchase, but will it catch the punters' eyes?
60 then to start. ?60.
At 60, thank you. Five.
70. Five. 80. Five.
At 100. 110.
110, look at that!
At 110. 20 anywhere?
Are we all done? At 110, then. And selling.
That's a shocker and the biggest loss of the day so far.
We've lost... We've hit three figures. Yeah. In terms of losses.
Do both teams realise the point is to make money?
Now the girls' dressing table set. Could this lift them back into profit and leave the boys behind?
50, start me? ?50 to start?
50 bid. Thank you. 55 here. She's got a commission bid.
65. 70. At 70. Right in the back. 70.
75. All done at 75?
Not quite as much of a hit as Miles and Thomas took, but it's pushed them further into loss.
I said, "I don't want to buy silver"! Yes, you've said that,
several times. Can the servants' bell box help Team Jupp call on a much-needed profit?
Unusual lot. ?20? 10, then. Start me off. ?10?
Anyone interested? 10 bid. 12.
Where are you? 15. At 15. Still not much.
Looking for 18.
Are we all done? At 15 and selling...
Cor! That bell box means their losses are alarming!
Did you make a loss? Another triumphant loss.
Here's Nina's big ticket item, the Egyptian-style mirror.
She's so keen, she makes a display of herself.
20 bid. At ?20. 22.
25. 28. 30.
At 30. Bid's in the room at 30.
At ?30. 32. 35.
She can't hold it up! It's too heavy.
At 35. Lovely mirror at 35.
38. 40 for you? At 38.
Bid's at 38, on the right.
38. At 38. Are we all done at 38? And selling.
What did it go for? ?38. You should have worn the apron.
Nina seems remarkably upbeat about the fact her Egyptian-style mirror tanked,
but maybe she's in de-Nile?
So with nearly double the losses of Nina and Catherine, the guys have to pray for some redemption.
At 30. 35. 40.
With me at 40. At 40. Who's going on?
At ?40. At 45. 50. With me again at 50.
At 50. Very nice pew at ?50. Who's going on now?
At 55. 60, is it? No, more, more! A bit more.
At ?60, then. All sure?
Perhaps instead of studying divinity Miles should have studied economics.
The final items for the girls are the Art Deco mirrors.
This may decide who is the feistiest of them all.
By my calculations, they need to sell them for over ?240 to make an overall profit.
Nina's hoping she might help. Where are they? Oh, thank you. Being beautifully held up.
One with green panels and a pink one. Two nice, decorative Deco mirrors.
30 for these? ?30? 30 bid.
Who's going on? 35. 40. 45.
50. At ?50. Five anywhere, then? And selling in the middle.
Disaster! But one person's loss is another's bargain.
Someone just picked up those mirrors for under a quarter of the price.
Nina, was that a loss? Am I allowed to punch him in the face on this show? Yes!
The final item is the WWII helmet. This could be the one item today that ends up with a decent profit.
?10, then. Start me off. ?10.
Anyone interested? ?10?
10 here. 12 for you? 12.
15, is it? At ?12. Don't see them every day.
15, anywhere? 15 at the back.
18 for you? At 15. Are you sure? At 15, right in the deep.
Last chance. At 15.
The helmet has failed to protect the boys from a loss,
but in true Dunkirk spirit defeat has brought our teams closer.
This has been a complete disaster. It certainly has!
Both teams started today with ?400. Nina and Catherine spent the lot
and despite making the only profit on an item today, after auction fees
they racked up a whacking loss of ?219.60.
This left them with just ?180.40.
Miles and Thomas failed to make a profit on any item today,
but perhaps thanks to Miles's connections to higher powers, they only lost ?195.
That means they finished the winners with the ungodly amount of ?205.
We had fun. It's been great.
I think I might join your crew! Thank you.
It was actually a lot of fun. It was great fun.
Congratulations! Even though both teams failed miserably,
it's all smiles at the end of the day. It's been a tough auction,
but that's the beauty of them. You can grab a bargain or lose a bundle.
So, see you next time!
# Baby, we were born to run! #
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
Comedians Miles Jupp and Nina Wadia team up with antiques experts Thomas Plant and Catherine Southon on a trip around Berkshire and Buckinghamshire in two classic cars. They have £400 to spend on buying antiques to sell at auction. The team with the most money left over wins and the profits go to Children In Need.