Episode 12 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip


Episode 12

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Transcript


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'Some of the nation's favourite celebrities.'

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Why have I got expensive tastes?

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-'One antiques expert each.'

-How much would this thing cost?

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'And one big challenge - who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices...'

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Answers on a postcard.

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'..and auction for a big profit further down the road?'

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I think he's rather super.

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'Who will spot good investments and listen to advice?'

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-You like it?

-I think it's horrible.

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'And who will be the first to say, "Don't you know who I am?"'

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Well done, us!

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'Time to put your pedal to the metal.

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'This is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip.

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'Yeah!

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'Today, Celebrity Antiques Road Trip is a family feud.'

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I'll do the honourable thing.

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'Featuring Judith "Wish You Were Here" Chalmers.'

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-Tell me you will not nag at me when I'm driving.

-Your father says that.

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'And her son, Mark "Are We There Yet?" Durden-Smith.'

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Did my father woo you in a vehicle like this?

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The tales of your romance involved a car with a walnut dash.

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-There's no back seat, is there?

-Why? You expecting someone?

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'Ha-ha! We don't use the word "legend" lightly on Road Trip,

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'but when a woman with more than six decades of broadcasting experience appears,

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'that's the only way to describe her.

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'From a BBC starlet in the '40s and '50s

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'presenting news and quaffing champagne,

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'to four decades spent trotting the globe,

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'Judith Chalmers has had a long and well-travelled career -

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'and has the postcards to prove it.'

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-Ready to go?

-Oh, yes!

-Let the hen-pecking begin.

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ENGINE ROARS 'Listen to that! It's wonderful!'

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Tally ho!

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'Driving a dashing 1974 Triumph TR6 is Judith's favourite and only son,

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'Mark Durden-Smith.

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'Mark presents rugby for Sky and ITV,

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'but his boyish charm and quick wit has seen him present This Morning,

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'the National Lottery Draw and I'm A Celebrity.

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'He's even done his bit for Sport Relief.'

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It's a fabulous morning in the middle of Britain and it's glorious.

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But it's about to turn nasty as families go to war.

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-I want to win!

-You're a competitive lady!

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We'll have a lovely time. It'll be a fair fight.

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-I think it's so exciting to be doing something with you.

-I agree.

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I hope at Christmas it's not awkward if I happen to have won.

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We'll see about that.

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'So, which experts are going to help settle this family feud?

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'In a gorgeous 1984 Mercedes SL are the men from Delmonte!

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'In the hat is James Lewis.'

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It's quite appropriate. I feel as if we're going on holiday.

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'And in the suit, it's Paul Laidlaw.'

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-What could you be referring to?

-I wished you were here and you are!

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'Paul Laidlaw is an expert in militaria

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'and has been collecting everything from bottles to shells since he was a boy.

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'Now, he's collecting TV presenters

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'and hoping for a national treasure today.'

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-The legend that is Judith Chalmers!

-I know.

-Holy Moses!

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-I grew up watching her.

-Didn't we all?!

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'I know I did.

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'Gentleman James Lewis is an expert in porcelain, ceramics and paintings,

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'but can he tell his vintage beauties apart today?'

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The funny thing is, when I used to do a certain other antiques show,

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Gloria Hunniford said, "People always think I'm Judith Chalmers!"

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I'm just wondering if people think Judith Chalmers is Gloria Hunniford!

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So, do you have a preference - Mark or Judith?

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-Mark's a rugby union man, isn't he?

-So I believe.

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-Are you a rugby man?

-I like rugby.

-Yeah.

-I do like rugby.

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Um...prefer holidays, though!

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BOTH LAUGH

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'It looks like it'll be Mark and Paul against James and Judith.

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'Where are we going to be wishing we were on this Road Trip?

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'Both of our jet-set teams will enjoy lovely British weather

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'as they spend their £400 starting off just outside Evesham,

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'travelling through the beautiful English counties

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'of Worcestershire and Gloucestershire.

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'They'll meander in an out of the stunning Cotswolds

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'and finish at auction in Stroud.

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'Before they hit Evesham, time for an early tea break.'

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-This is what you did all day on Wish You Were Here.

-Of course(!)

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-Everybody thinks you just went on holiday.

-What DID you do?

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We left the hotel at half past seven in the morning

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and we got back after the inevitable folk dancing at half past ten at night.

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-Always folk dancing!

-Folk dancing around the world!

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-Ah!

-They're here!

-Oh, I say! Don't they look smart!

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I wanted debonair! We've got debonair!

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-Hello, James.

-Good to see you.

-Hello.

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Yes, I recognise you.

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-Have a lovely time, you two, but it's needle!

-From here on in, yes.

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The mother-son relationship often fraught and tension filled.

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After you.

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Am I driving? Are we going to argue about who has the key?

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BOTH TALK AT ONCE

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'With our duos definitely decided, it's time to fly away.

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'I mean, drive off.

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'Judith's used to getting away quickly and today's no exception.

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'She's in the driving seat and keen to know what James's shopping strategy is.'

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It has to be something, I think,

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that is massive, bold, going to strike people immediately.

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-Cos they can't miss it?

-Yeah. I think that's what we should go for.

-Right.

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'Evesham was founded around its 8th-century abbey,

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'one of the largest in Europe, of which only the bell tower remains.

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'It's almost surrounded by the River Avon, which is great for boating,

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'but has caused several damaging floods.

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'Will Judith and James face a deluge or a drought of bargains

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'in Twyford Antiques, run by the very helpful Andy?'

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I'll let you have a look around. Give me a shout if you need a hand.

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Righty-ho.

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Good gracious! How do you...? There are SO many things.

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I know!

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A marvellous mixture of everything.

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-I saw one of those being played in Kakadu.

-Australian?

-Yes.

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-Kakadu National Park, Australia.

-'I believe there was a postcard!

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'Here's Judith in Australia, circa 1986.

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'Please, James, didgeri-don't!'

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TUNELESS BELLOWING

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JUDITH LAUGHS

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I'm going to give up!

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'That's a good idea.

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'James said they needed something big for auction

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'and he's spotted just that upstairs - a huge pine trunk!

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'A 19th-century trunk like this would have been covered in leather or cowhide.'

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-It's got 220 on it.

-Oh!

-We could get down to about 150.

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-We couldn't get below that.

-150. We've only got 400.

-Yeah.

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'It looks like it's beyond their budget,

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'but some missing wood and woodworm

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'give James the bit of negotiating space he needs.'

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I think a bit of wood missing is worth at least 50, if not more.

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That would make it 100 now?

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I was really thinking 120 for the very best on that.

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Which is £100 off!

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Yes. Well, what about another 20 off?

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'This is a woman who has haggled from Woolloomooloo to Timbuktu.

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'You've got no chance, Andy.'

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-Go on. 100 quid.

-Oh!

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-OK.

-It's quite expensive.

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-It's a MASSIVE trunk.

-It's a quarter of our money.

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Is the heat getting to us? Let's go down into the cold.

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-Thank you for that.

-Thank you.

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-Let's go and have a...

-A chinwag.

-Yeah.

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You're right. It's a lot of money.

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Well, I just feel I want to have the joy of buying more than just one big piece.

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'Judith's no-nonsense advice helps James focus.'

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-Is that a magnifying glass?

-Yes.

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-Jeez!

-You could have that on your desk.

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-It would have been used by a craftsman.

-I like that.

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A watch repairer or somebody of that nature.

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That pretends to be £30.

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It pretends to be £30, but sounds more like 20 to me!

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'Andy's haggling with himself now! The Chalmers charm has got to him.'

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-Is that, what, ten?

-Ten, then!

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-Go on! £10.

-£10?!

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'Andy, you're making it too easy for them.

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'James has scented blood and is seeing what else he can get here.'

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Tell me about this chap.

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'Judith's always liked a man in uniform,

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'even a very short one like this wee fella.'

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MUSIC: "A Scottish Soldier" by Andy Stewart

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He's got tartan trews. I think he's rather super.

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'Dummy boards like this were popular toys in Edwardian times.

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'This one has a ticket price of £30.'

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You looked at a crib earlier. There's another.

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Oh, for a child's... Isn't that sweet?

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A child's doll.

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'This could be a bed for the soldier.'

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We could probably get away with 20 on that,

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if you were keen on it.

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'So, they've gone from one huge item with the trunk,

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'to three small ones - the lens, the soldier and the cradle.

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'With Andy in a charitable mood, they might end up with all of them.'

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45 for a little group?

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Could we have 40? JAMES LAUGHS

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Seriously, I think that's what we would.

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I can't do any better, I'm afraid.

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-How about that pine trunk as well?

-You're still hankering after that.

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I think the fact that it's pine, it's light wood.

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-It's SO practical.

-All right. I love the plainness of it.

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I said 100 on that. 45 on those.

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So, 140 for the four.

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-Thank you very much. You've got a deal.

-Right.

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-Andy, we owe you some money, then.

-Ah! Yes!

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'Wow! Look at that! Four items bought in one shop.

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'This might be a short show today. Let's go over them, though.

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'The pine trunk for £100, the magnifying lens for £10

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'and £30 for the soldier and the crib together

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'makes a grand total of £140.'

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-Thank you very much.

-Thank you so much, Andy.

-I hope you do well.

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'While Judith drives a hard bargain in Evesham,

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'Mark and Paul are driving three miles down the road to Blackminster.

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'On the way, Mark's making sure Paul's competitive edge is sharp.'

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I don't want you to have any sympathy for my mother.

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I want you to be cut-throat about this and to go for the jugular -

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even though this is my mother we're talking about.

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-It's not right, is it?

-It's not. I feel counselling should follow this trip.

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'I'd rather you concentrated on keeping your hands on the wheel!

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'Thankfully, it's not taken long to get to Wizpan Collectables.

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'It's run by Mary. Let's hope she's not feeling contrary.'

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-This is my friend, Paul. You might recognise him off the telly.

-I do.

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-Have you got a poster of him on your wall?

-Not quite, no.

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Well, you should have!

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'Yeah, to throw darts at!

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'Let's see if Paul can hit the bull's-eye in here.'

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The onyx clock.

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'In the late 19th century, this lovely French-Algerian onyx clock

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'would have been part of a garniture and flanked by vases.'

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-£30 is all I want for that.

-Never mind the quality.

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Feel the weight, madam! MARK STRAINING

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There's a surface here.

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What we've got to do is set it running.

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-Tell me there's a pendulum.

-There's a pendulum.

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CLOCK CHIMES

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-It's a miracle! Isn't it?

-PAUL LAUGHING

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I just feel I've been at something extraordinary.

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Like the first man landing on the moon!

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-This is one of those moments.

-You're easily pleased.

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I have to say, I'm excited about that.

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'It's time for Mark to do a deal.

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'Has he inherited any of his mother's skills?'

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-Mary, we don't like this piece.

-PAUL LAUGHING

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-We think it's got no potential for the auction.

-It's still £30, whether you want it or not!

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-'Doesn't sound like it.'

-We do like the clock, Mary.

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What we're trying to do is trying... This is a sob story slightly.

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-I'm in competition with my mother.

-VIOLIN PLAYS PLAINTIVELY

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As a son, you never have a chance to shine...

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'Save it for the counselling. Mary just wants to talk numbers.'

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-Is 20 out of the...?

-25. I'll meet you in the middle.

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20 is my lucky number!

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Mmmm.... OK.

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-Mary, really?

-Yes.

-Thank you, Mary. That's fantastic.

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Honestly, that is brilliant.

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-We're excited about this.

-You'll make a lot of money on it.

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'The first deal. Paul can't believe it.'

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We've hardly walked through the door. Let me assure you, we've made a stonking good purchase.

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'But can they keep it up?'

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-I like that, it gives it character.

-Uhhhhh!

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"Uhhhh!" You sound like Chewbacca in Star Wars.

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'Maybe using the force will help Mark find some bargains in the back of the shop.'

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-Not many people get in my stock room.

-Ah! Privileged!

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I love that box.

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Can I throw in the towel now and hand my mother the trophy?

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-PAUL LAUGHING

-This is looking pretty bleak.

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Don't weaken! Mark, don't weaken!

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'Just when the boys are about to give up hope,

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'Paul spots a deal on wheels.'

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Ah!

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'And it gives him a chance to channel his inner Jackie Stewart.'

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That's a Ford GT40, isn't it? Le Mans winner.

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That's how Ford took on the might of Ferrari.

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You programme the car. You select its course.

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Watch it obey your instructions.

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A memory you control! By Mettoy.

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Well, you know, it does stir some nostalgic thoughts within my soul.

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'The strips are cut individually to create different instructions,

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'letting you programme its course for hours of fun.'

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-What's it going to be priced at?

-I would say, personally,

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I would say this would be a tenner. We're good customers of Mary's.

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Mary, this...tatty old box with a car in it...

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-You know my style of negotiating.

-A fiver.

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I'm not haggling over a fiver. That would sully our relationship.

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I'll tell you why we're both loving that it's because it's our era.

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You're 45. You can tell you're older than me. I'm a mere 44.

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-I'm ageing!

-That is something I would love to have got for a birthday present.

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That almost looks like my dad. This looks like you.

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-PAUL LAUGHS

-It's got it all.

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OK, Mary, that's a deal.

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'That's two purchases for the boys - the clock for £20

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'and the car at £5.'

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-Mary, that's fantastic.

-Thank you very much.

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-No, thank YOU, Mary.

-I hope you win.

-The pleasure is all ours!

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'From toy cars to real cars,

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'Judith and James have travelled 25 miles north to Hartlebury.

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'Here at Hartlebury Castle is the Worcestershire County Museum.

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'It's home to the Springs, Spas and Holidays Exhibition.

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'It details the tourism boom that set the template for the package holiday craze

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'that sent Judith round the world for 30 years.

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'To show Judith and James around, Gemma Dhami from Worcestershire Museums.'

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-How do you do?

-I'm Gemma.

-All right, Gemma.

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-Have you met James?

-Hi, James. Nice to meet you.

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'The health properties of drinking and bathing in Worcestershire's waters

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'have been known locally since the 17th century,

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'but for most of the country, it was too far away -

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'a bit like Spain in the 1960s.

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'So, just like the jet plane and the package holiday,

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'a new type of tourism needed a new form of transport to explode.'

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-This opened it up to the masses.

-They had to get here somehow.

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Package holidays came a bit later.

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-This was their way of getting about, as you say.

-Yes, that's right.

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-Have you been on...? I suppose you must.

-Have I been on package holidays?

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I thought you might have been on something like the Orient Express.

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-Yes, I have.

-I knew you would have done!

-Of course I have!

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'And if you were going to take the waters,

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'just like Judith in the Jet Age, you would want to travel in style -

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'Victorian style.'

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These are the sort of clothes they wore on holiday then.

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This was typical of the 1890s,

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what people would wear to do their travelling.

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Not as comfortable as we'd expect to wear today.

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It's Capri pants, now! Nice little trousers and things.

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Very much a corseted waist.

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-That's right.

-Drawn-in, whale-bone corsets.

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'And you needed something large to pack all those corsets and starched collars into.'

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-People didn't travel light, did they?

-No, not at all.

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People would take pretty much everything they could with them.

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-We have some great examples here...

-Beautiful.

-..of the luggage.

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I love luggage. I absolutely love it.

0:17:210:17:25

I've got a loft stuffed with it.

0:17:250:17:28

'And when you get there, what better way to relax than a nice dip?

0:17:280:17:32

'Nearby Droitwich became famous for its salty brine

0:17:320:17:36

'which contained ten times more salt than seawater.'

0:17:360:17:38

They had the St Andrew's brine baths.

0:17:380:17:41

It was there to treat rheumatism and arthritis because of the buoyancy.

0:17:410:17:45

It was very good for improving health.

0:17:450:17:48

I went a little further, as far as a British person is concerned.

0:17:480:17:52

I went to the Dead Sea in Jordan.

0:17:520:17:55

And you could, literally - I didn't trust it when they told me -

0:17:550:17:59

you could float and read a newspaper.

0:17:590:18:02

You didn't have to paddle with your feet or your hands.

0:18:020:18:06

Just floating along, reading your paper. Absolutely wonderful.

0:18:060:18:09

'Here's another from the collection! Judith in the Dead Sea, circa 1979.

0:18:090:18:14

'Of course, postcards!

0:18:140:18:16

'Writing "wish you were here" to the neighbours

0:18:160:18:19

'was another craze we have to thank the Victorians for.

0:18:190:18:23

'Gemma's got this early example of a postcard from a hop-picking holiday.

0:18:230:18:28

'The hops and the clean water made the area ideal for brewing.'

0:18:280:18:32

-A hop-making holiday?

-That's right. It was very popular.

0:18:320:18:36

People would do the hop-making.

0:18:360:18:38

You'd see the process people went through through the photographs.

0:18:380:18:43

I can see how the end result might have been quite fun,

0:18:430:18:46

but I would rather cut out the middle bit.

0:18:460:18:49

Would you like to see the end result in your hand?

0:18:490:18:52

I think it's about time we did.

0:18:520:18:54

-Thank you so much.

-Thank you for coming.

-Absolute pleasure.

0:18:540:18:58

-Absolutely wonderful, Gemma. Thank you so much.

-Come on.

0:18:580:19:03

'State-of-the-art transport, flamboyant fashion,

0:19:030:19:07

'loads of luggage, a quick dip, writing postcards and then a beer.

0:19:070:19:11

'Not so different today, is it?

0:19:110:19:13

'While Judith and James have been checking out the history of holidays,

0:19:130:19:18

'Paul's quizzing Mark about the history of Judith.'

0:19:180:19:21

Did you get at an early age how famous your mum was?

0:19:210:19:25

I was very aware that people knew who she was.

0:19:250:19:28

You'd go shopping and people would go, "Judith Chalmers."

0:19:280:19:32

What happened a lot, it happens to my mum even now, they'd go,

0:19:320:19:36

if you were walking behind her, "There's Gloria Hunniford."

0:19:360:19:40

I'd be thinking, "I don't think my mum's Gloria Hunniford."

0:19:400:19:44

It was a bit confusing as a child.

0:19:440:19:46

'Do they really look that alike? Hm.'

0:19:460:19:50

I'm very proud to have my mum and I think she's a real...

0:19:500:19:54

-icon of the broadcasting world.

-Without a shadow of a doubt.

0:19:540:19:59

-Hopefully, a really rubbish antiques spotter!

-PAUL LAUGHS

0:19:590:20:04

'That brings us nicely to Paul and Mark's next shop,

0:20:040:20:07

'five miles back up the road in Evesham.

0:20:070:20:10

'Yes, it's back to Twyford Antiques and a very obliging Andy.'

0:20:100:20:14

Thank you very much for having us around your shop.

0:20:140:20:17

Hopefully, you'll find something.

0:20:170:20:19

I must admit, we did have quite a lot of really good stuff earlier.

0:20:190:20:24

-There was a young lady in this morning who came along...

-No!

0:20:240:20:28

'The boys are just going to have to make do with what Judith and James left behind.'

0:20:280:20:33

I wonder how many pieces they bought.

0:20:330:20:36

'Mark and Paul need to get on the same page.'

0:20:360:20:39

These things cost a bit of money.

0:20:390:20:41

It's the Antiques Road Trip, not the Secondhand Road Trip!

0:20:410:20:47

Bit old-school! He's got to move with the times.

0:20:470:20:49

PAUL LAUGHS

0:20:490:20:51

Vintage Samsonite leather suitcase.

0:20:510:20:54

That is some case! Holy Moses!

0:20:540:20:57

-Isn't that lovely?

-That's gorgeous.

0:20:580:21:02

-Worth bearing in mind? A contender?

-Yeah.

0:21:020:21:06

'Now we're getting somewhere, and hopefully with nice luggage.

0:21:060:21:10

'You'd think Judith might have spotted that one.

0:21:100:21:13

'Mark has spotted the wood amongst the trees.

0:21:130:21:16

'The auction in Stroud has "wooden items",

0:21:160:21:18

'so he might be on to something.'

0:21:180:21:21

-It's a grain...

-Yeah.

-..shovel.

0:21:210:21:24

This sale includes wood. I'm not talking about furniture.

0:21:240:21:28

Wooden collectors' items.

0:21:280:21:31

'The 19th-century malt shovel certainly qualifies as wood.'

0:21:310:21:35

-What on Earth would you do with such a thing?

-Um...

0:21:350:21:38

But it might have mileage.

0:21:380:21:41

'That's two potentials. Mark's spotted another.'

0:21:410:21:44

Can I speak patriotically?

0:21:440:21:46

This is my Rule Britannia moment!

0:21:460:21:49

-Andy, how much is your flag?

-25.

0:21:490:21:52

It's faded, ragged, not very old.

0:21:520:21:55

-Why not very old?

-Because that's a nylon cord!

0:21:550:22:01

-What about...?

-Those words are frightening me. Dare I turn round?

0:22:010:22:05

-"What about...?"

-Don't turn round. Look up.

0:22:050:22:08

-Mary Poppins' original umbrella.

-PAUL LAUGHS

0:22:080:22:11

-Not joking. Actually not joking.

-It's literally shot.

0:22:120:22:15

If I told you you could fly with it, would you still go, "I'm sorry"?

0:22:150:22:20

Paul, we've got to consider this. Andy, how much could this be?

0:22:200:22:25

-£38.

-WHAT?

0:22:250:22:27

-I'm going to park these here.

-I'm permanently, "What?"

0:22:270:22:30

MUSIC: "Chim Chim Cher-ee" from Mary Poppins

0:22:300:22:35

Paul, we are... We're under a bit of pressure, aren't we?

0:22:420:22:46

Is it worth just humouring me, possibly?

0:22:460:22:49

You want the flag, get the flag.

0:22:490:22:52

Get it for virtually nothing.

0:22:520:22:54

-'There's a challenge for Mark.'

-Andy.

-Ah!

0:22:540:22:57

Um, I... Is there any way that I can take this off your hands for £5?

0:22:570:23:03

And it won't blight your landscape any more.

0:23:030:23:06

-Would you be prepared to budge?

-Not five.

-Four then? Maybe four?

0:23:060:23:11

'That's it, Mark. Confuse him.'

0:23:110:23:13

-Let's see what else you're looking at.

-OK.

0:23:130:23:16

-The most audacious question I have for you...

-Yeah.

0:23:160:23:19

..is we were wondering whether we could possibly get this for £20.

0:23:190:23:24

'That's a big discount from its ticket price of £68.'

0:23:240:23:29

Well, how about...the malt shovel and the flag for 30?

0:23:290:23:34

-Where are you at?

-Well, we've got this and this...together, the two...

0:23:360:23:43

-WHISPERS:

-£30.

0:23:430:23:45

What's the bottom line on the pair of them?

0:23:450:23:49

I can't do better than 25 on that malt shovel.

0:23:490:23:51

-But...

-You could throw in the flag?

-I could throw in the flag.

0:23:510:23:54

'Andy, you're too nice for this game.'

0:23:540:23:57

What I haven't made a big fuss about is the parasol,

0:23:570:24:00

-which you know I was keen on.

-CLOCK CHIMING

0:24:000:24:03

Oh! And the bell has tolled for the parasol. £30 all-in.

0:24:030:24:06

-Go on, 30 quid.

-30 quid?

-I've got to give you a chance.

0:24:060:24:10

£30, for the flag, shovel and parasol.

0:24:100:24:13

'You'd think they'd be done with that lot!'

0:24:130:24:16

-Last question, Paul.

-Yeah.

-The luggage.

0:24:160:24:19

Wouldn't it be the ultimate, "In your face, Mother!"

0:24:190:24:22

"I love you, but I just sold a suitcase for a million pounds!"

0:24:220:24:27

'At £55 ticket price for the case,

0:24:270:24:30

'Andy's going to need a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down.'

0:24:300:24:34

Andy, Mary Poppins had a suitcase.

0:24:340:24:36

She may not have had a Samsonite suitcase but she needs one to put her magic potions in.

0:24:360:24:41

Is there any way we can get the case for £20?

0:24:410:24:45

-So, we're going to give you £50...

-Mmmmm.

0:24:450:24:49

Which is good. You know, closing time!

0:24:490:24:52

-Go on.

-That's a great auction lot - the Mary Poppins lot, isn't it?

0:24:520:24:55

It remains to be seen, but we did it!

0:24:550:24:58

'Deal done. Super Paul is realistic, but Mark's taste is atrocious. Ha!'

0:24:580:25:03

-Andy, thank you. That's fantastic.

-Right.

-You've been very accommodating.

-No problem.

0:25:030:25:08

One crisp note and the deal is done.

0:25:080:25:10

-Thank you, Andy. Good man.

-Thank you very much indeed.

0:25:100:25:15

'It's been a day of mixed family fortunes in Worcestershire.

0:25:150:25:19

'With both our teams ready for a well-earned aperitif, it's bon soir,

0:25:190:25:23

'buenas noches and nighty-night.

0:25:230:25:27

'It's another day on the road for our mother-and-son combo of Judith Chalmers and Mark Durden-Smith.

0:25:280:25:34

'It's not even 9am and already the family ties are being tested.'

0:25:340:25:38

-Have you got an item that might be your...?

-I'm not talking about it.

0:25:380:25:42

I was just saying to you yesterday, "Tell me if you've got one item or did you get two?"

0:25:420:25:49

-You wouldn't even answer me.

-That would be revealing, innately, the core of our strategy.

0:25:490:25:55

-You've almost asked me the same thing.

-I was just making polite conversation between competitors.

0:25:550:26:01

James, how was the legend that is Judith Chalmers?

0:26:010:26:06

She's lovely!

0:26:060:26:08

-She had a great eye as well!

-Really?

-Yeah.

0:26:080:26:12

If there was a gene for that eye for antiques,

0:26:120:26:16

she didn't pass it on, I'm afraid. LAUGHS

0:26:160:26:19

Two of these items in one lot have no merit!

0:26:210:26:26

ROARS WITH LAUGHTER

0:26:260:26:28

'Now, now, Paul. First rule of the Road Trip - what goes on Road Trip stays on Road Trip.

0:26:280:26:33

'What we can say is that Judith and James spent £140 on four items -

0:26:330:26:38

'the trunk for £100,

0:26:380:26:40

'the toy cradle and soldier at £30 for the two

0:26:400:26:42

'and £10 on the scientific lens.'

0:26:420:26:45

I think that's great fun.

0:26:450:26:47

'Paul and Mark spent a smaller £75 on, haha, the eclectic six items.

0:26:470:26:54

'The onyx clock for £20, a toy car for £5 and a malt shovel at £25.

0:26:560:27:01

'Then there was the Mary Poppins job lot in the case, the flag

0:27:030:27:07

'and the ventilated parasol for £25.'

0:27:070:27:10

The bell has tolled for the parasol.

0:27:100:27:13

'After yesterday's journey to the middle and north of Worcestershire,

0:27:130:27:17

'today our top travelling teams are in the south of the county

0:27:170:27:21

'to meet up in the stunning village of Ashton under Hill.'

0:27:210:27:25

-Hi. How are you?

-Very good, thank you, James.

0:27:250:27:29

-Morning, how are you doing?

-Have a good night's sleep, Captain?

-Yes. You?

-Very good.

0:27:290:27:34

-Morning.

-Don't be too nice to my mother.

0:27:340:27:37

To be honest, she has been rather unforthcoming.

0:27:370:27:40

-I've heard a LOT from Paul.

-You haven't.

0:27:400:27:44

Two things that are horrendous that he tried to persuade you not to buy.

0:27:440:27:48

From what I've heard, you shouldn't have bought them.

0:27:480:27:51

I don't know whether to play this with a straight face. You have been indiscreet.

0:27:510:27:56

You realise this is what he's trying to do, much as I love him!

0:27:560:28:01

'Oh, James, you are naughty.

0:28:010:28:03

'That comment has clearly got under Mark's skin.'

0:28:030:28:06

-Did you tell him our trade secrets?

-Oh, would I?

0:28:060:28:09

Have fun!

0:28:090:28:11

-We're going to blow them out of the water!

-Game plan!

0:28:110:28:14

'So, with Mark and Paul left to their recriminations,

0:28:140:28:18

'Judith and James are first on the road.

0:28:180:28:21

'Their destination is nine miles southwest in Gloucestershire.

0:28:210:28:24

'It's a chance for James to ask the question

0:28:240:28:27

'that Britain's most famous travel presenter surely has never been asked before!'

0:28:270:28:31

Out of all the places that you've been -

0:28:310:28:33

you must have been to hundreds of countries -

0:28:330:28:36

-which is the one that stands out?

-I've never been asked that before(!)

0:28:360:28:41

It's one of those things that is hard to answer.

0:28:410:28:45

Wonderful places - South Africa, going to New Orleans,

0:28:450:28:51

going to marvellous New Zealand.

0:28:510:28:56

'You won't need your passport for Tewkesbury, Judith.

0:28:560:29:00

'This lovely town was named after a Saxon hermit.

0:29:000:29:03

'For 800 years it was a centre for milling.

0:29:030:29:05

'Sadly, in 2006, the last mill here closed.

0:29:050:29:10

'But very much open for business is Attica,

0:29:100:29:13

'a treasure trove run by Mark Turner.'

0:29:130:29:15

How do you do?

0:29:150:29:17

Ooh, look! Wouldn't you like that?

0:29:170:29:19

BOTH LAUGH

0:29:190:29:21

-It's tribal, but not...

-You love tribal things.

0:29:210:29:26

'They're certainly coming across the weird and wonderful,

0:29:300:29:34

'but what is there to buy?'

0:29:340:29:36

Hm. Look at the size of that big copper pan.

0:29:360:29:41

£65. It's a lot of money.

0:29:410:29:44

There's no profit in it. It's a good thing, though.

0:29:440:29:47

'No "pan" do, then! But what about the Victorian brass desk lamp?'

0:29:470:29:52

-How much could it be?

-Well...

0:29:520:29:56

Five quid.

0:29:560:29:57

'A fiver? That's surely a steal at that price!

0:29:570:30:01

'Look at that! Gosh!'

0:30:010:30:03

-But...

-You think it might sell?

0:30:030:30:07

'Judith's learning. It's not about whether you like it.

0:30:070:30:09

'It's whether it can make a profit, and that surely will.'

0:30:090:30:13

Something that the porters could hold up at the front. People see it.

0:30:130:30:18

I looked at that from a distance and expected it to be 30 or 40.

0:30:180:30:21

-Did you?

-Yeah.

-There you go!

0:30:210:30:24

Nice way round that, isn't it, Mark?

0:30:240:30:27

-When you said we could have it for a fiver!

-Yeah.

0:30:270:30:30

'Still, it would be nice to buy something they both didn't hate.'

0:30:300:30:34

That massive saucepan, what could that be?

0:30:340:30:37

-SIGHS:

-25.

-25.

0:30:370:30:40

What makes this good, see this seam here?

0:30:400:30:43

It means the base is made out of thicker copper than the sides.

0:30:430:30:47

It's a really good indication of quality.

0:30:470:30:51

-We liked that.

-I like that, but...

0:30:510:30:53

'But which is most likely to grab the attention at auction?

0:30:530:30:57

'The matte copper pan that everyone likes or the brass lamp they hate?

0:30:570:31:02

-'There's only one way to find out.'

-Sir?

0:31:020:31:05

Could I borrow you for a minute?

0:31:050:31:08

I'm going to hold two things up.

0:31:090:31:11

-Yeah.

-I want you to tell me if you'd bid on them at auction.

0:31:110:31:15

£30. Yes or no? You've got two seconds before the hammer goes down.

0:31:150:31:19

Yeah, I'd have that.

0:31:190:31:21

-That lamp.

-Oh, nice one.

0:31:210:31:24

I'd give you 15 quid for that.

0:31:240:31:26

20?

0:31:260:31:27

At a push.

0:31:290:31:31

-Would you go 40 on this?

-No.

0:31:310:31:34

'The public has spoken.'

0:31:340:31:36

That's where the profit is.

0:31:360:31:38

-Good luck!

-I'm going to have to wear this, aren't I?

0:31:380:31:43

You don't like it, either.

0:31:430:31:45

Exactly. Yeah.

0:31:450:31:47

-Oh, dear, but there we go. That's a great pan.

-How much would that be?

0:31:470:31:51

-That's 25 and that's a fiver.

-So that's £30.

0:31:510:31:55

How about we take this with pride and that out of greed?

0:31:550:31:59

-At £30?

-At £30 the two.

0:31:590:32:02

-All right. Will that do?

-Yeah.

0:32:020:32:04

'With pride intact and after a lot of faffing,

0:32:040:32:07

'the deal is done at £30 for both.'

0:32:070:32:10

Thank you.

0:32:100:32:11

'Mark's pride, however, has most certainly been dented

0:32:110:32:14

'by this morning's revelation that Paul may have spilled the beans.'

0:32:140:32:19

-Did you tell him anything about our items?

-No.

-Particularly two items that you weren't fond of?

0:32:190:32:25

He knows that we had a good laugh

0:32:250:32:28

over a couple of contentious purchases.

0:32:280:32:31

He has no idea what we've bought.

0:32:310:32:34

I don't like the fact you've talked to him!

0:32:340:32:37

Do I sense regret?

0:32:370:32:39

-Well, I... No. Not at all!

-PAUL LAUGHS

0:32:390:32:42

I had to fight my corner. You're a very domineering man!

0:32:420:32:46

'Indeed. Paul and Mark are now also in the lovely town of Tewkesbury.

0:32:460:32:50

'Their first stop is an antiques shop cannily called Antiques.

0:32:500:32:55

'The owner is Darius.'

0:32:550:32:57

I'm Paul. This is Mark.

0:32:570:33:00

'Mark's already spotted something,

0:33:000:33:02

'so it's back outside to see the stock on the street.'

0:33:020:33:05

-Everything says to me...

-MIMICS PAUL:

-Profit!

0:33:050:33:09

-The enamel sign.

-I love those things.

-Colman's Starch.

0:33:090:33:13

-Do you know who loves these?

-Who?

-Petrol heads. Classic car mob.

0:33:130:33:17

They like to have a starch sign on their wall?

0:33:170:33:20

They decorate the insides of their garages.

0:33:200:33:22

Glass enamelled on steel - chipped, rusted and rotten.

0:33:220:33:28

-I'll bet he wants 300 quid for that.

-No?!

0:33:280:33:32

-PAUL LAUGHS

-You are kidding me?

0:33:320:33:34

Big bucks! At auction, what's it worth? £100? £200?

0:33:340:33:39

'Interesting. Let's see what price Darius has got in mind.'

0:33:390:33:43

-I think it's about £90.

-About 90?

0:33:430:33:46

'But is it right for the auction in Stroud?'

0:33:460:33:49

If we want the answer to the question "what's going to do well at this auction?" give them a call.

0:33:490:33:56

'Quite within the rules. Mark gives them a call.'

0:33:560:33:59

Hi, there. Stroud Auction House?

0:33:590:34:02

We're trying to work out what kind of items sell well at the moment.

0:34:020:34:06

I'm standing by a sign, a tin sign.

0:34:060:34:10

OK. That's good to know. Second question, what about flags?

0:34:120:34:15

Are Union Jacks still selling well, despite it not being the jubilee year?

0:34:150:34:20

'He couldn't let it lie.'

0:34:200:34:23

No. OK. So, just don't tell Paul you said that to me.

0:34:240:34:27

That's just between us. He doesn't seem to trust me on this. Cheers.

0:34:270:34:31

'I think "not the jubilee year" was the key phrase in that conversation.

0:34:310:34:36

'Time to admit you were wrong.'

0:34:360:34:38

-WHISPERS:

-Flags, doing big business.

-A flag specialist sale, basically.

0:34:380:34:42

Yeah. Honestly, it's going to be amazing.

0:34:420:34:45

-Two - signage, good, as long as it's not too rusty.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:34:450:34:51

And you've got the bits where you can bolt it onto a wall intact.

0:34:510:34:56

Well, it's NOT capable of being bolted to a wall.

0:34:560:35:00

'With the Colman's sign not cutting the mustard,

0:35:000:35:03

'what else is calling out to be purchased?'

0:35:030:35:05

What is it? It's a siren.

0:35:050:35:08

A World War II, um...air-raid siren.

0:35:080:35:12

How do YOU...

0:35:120:35:14

-make up this twaddle?

-Oh!

0:35:140:35:17

BOTH LAUGH

0:35:170:35:19

'It's actually a 1930s loud speaker for a radio

0:35:190:35:22

'from the period when the two parts were sold separately.'

0:35:220:35:25

-I love it.

-Stunning object.

0:35:250:35:27

An interior designer might think, "I can do something with that."

0:35:270:35:32

That needs to be 35 quid.

0:35:320:35:34

'Here comes another unique Mark negotiation.'

0:35:340:35:37

-Do you like your mother?

-LAUGHING:

-Yes. Of course.

0:35:370:35:41

And I love my mum, but you know that moment you just need to say,

0:35:410:35:44

-"It's my turn now"?

-Yeah.

-"I'm at that crossroads in my life."

0:35:440:35:48

That is why I'm prepared to offer you £10.

0:35:480:35:51

Ten I can't do.

0:35:510:35:53

-With that eyeball-to-eyeball thing?

-Can't do it.

0:35:530:35:56

-Do you want to see a grown man cry?

-I'll tell you what I would do.

0:35:560:36:00

-I'd have a gamble with you.

-Ooh, now I'm interested. Go on.

0:36:000:36:04

How about we toss a coin for 15 or 20?

0:36:040:36:06

-How about we toss a coin, 15 or ten?

-How about we toss a coin, 25 or ten?

0:36:060:36:11

'This is more like it! Never mind auctions! Why don't we do this on every show?'

0:36:110:36:16

-Oh!

-Did I see the ante just go up?

-20 or ten.

0:36:160:36:19

20 or ten.

0:36:190:36:22

-25 or nothing.

-Whoa!

0:36:220:36:24

'This is high-stake stuff! Don't offer the car, Mark. It doesn't belong to you.'

0:36:240:36:30

OK, 25 or nothing...

0:36:300:36:33

On the flip of a coin. You say heads. I say tails.

0:36:330:36:36

LAUGHING: Heads! Oh, no!

0:36:410:36:43

MARK GROANING

0:36:430:36:45

I shall never emerge from my mother's shadow.

0:36:450:36:48

Never. It looks like her head on there as well. It's haunting me.

0:36:480:36:54

'We'll leave Mark to deal with his issues to remind you it's cost them £25 for the radio horn.'

0:36:540:37:01

-That was the way it had to work.

-Loving your work, man. Excellent!

0:37:010:37:05

And it's still a good buy.

0:37:050:37:07

-You say that, but I'm keeping that.

-LAUGHTER

0:37:070:37:11

'Elsewhere on the streets of Tewkesbury,

0:37:110:37:13

'Judith and James are about to hit their last shop for the day.

0:37:130:37:16

'It's Coach House Antiques, spread over a whacking two floors.

0:37:160:37:21

'Here to show them round are Ruth the owner and her junior assistant, Geoff.

0:37:210:37:26

'The four floors of this townhouse include a retro room to get you all nostalgic.'

0:37:270:37:32

Have a look at this original early white telephone.

0:37:320:37:37

Oh, my goodness! Do people want that?

0:37:370:37:40

Yeah, they love them.

0:37:400:37:42

-It's very retro. It's very modern. It's very young.

-Yes.

0:37:420:37:46

-How much could that be?

-To you?

-Yeah.

-15.

-OK.

0:37:460:37:50

-JUDITH GASPS

-Cheap enough, isn't it?

0:37:500:37:53

-Yes.

-Let's have a think about that.

0:37:530:37:55

Look!

0:37:550:37:57

'James has spotted an old friend of Judith's. It's Concorde!'

0:37:570:38:01

-It's lost its nose!

-What a shame.

0:38:010:38:04

-Wonder where that...?

-Look. It's been broken off.

-What a pity!

0:38:040:38:09

-I'd have loved to buy that myself.

-It would be very you, wouldn't it?

0:38:090:38:14

It would go with the photograph of me with my arm round the nose, yes.

0:38:140:38:18

'Of course, that one's in the collection.'

0:38:180:38:21

But it is the nose that's missing!

0:38:210:38:24

'Back to the retro phone, then.'

0:38:240:38:26

The rare ones are slightly more angular.

0:38:260:38:29

In the day when they were really popular,

0:38:290:38:32

-I sold one at auction for £200.

-Good gracious!

-A white one.

0:38:320:38:35

How much have we spent?

0:38:350:38:37

-Well, we spent 140 before.

-Yesterday.

-Yeah.

0:38:370:38:41

-And 30 today.

-30 today.

-That's 170.

-We haven't spent half yet.

0:38:410:38:46

I know! It's such a waste!

0:38:460:38:48

We've got... 170... 230.

0:38:480:38:52

What about a nice Victorian desk?

0:38:520:38:55

'There's an idea, Ruth. This large late-Victorian mahogany writing desk

0:38:550:38:59

'is just the kind of statement piece James wants - but can he afford it?'

0:38:590:39:04

-How much could it be?

-It could be...

0:39:040:39:07

-200.

-Oh, blimey! What do you think?

0:39:070:39:10

-Do you like the desk?

-Yes, and I think people would like it.

0:39:100:39:14

But the lowest it could make, on a really bad day...

0:39:140:39:19

-£80.

-Oh!

0:39:190:39:21

On a normal day, it might make 120, 130.

0:39:210:39:24

So that's where we're at, psychologically.

0:39:240:39:28

-So where does that leave you?

-So?

-So...

0:39:280:39:31

95.

0:39:310:39:33

'My goodness! That's a big drop, Ruth!'

0:39:330:39:36

-Ooh, help!

-CHORTLES

0:39:360:39:39

It's got lots of little breakages on the handles, which is against it.

0:39:390:39:44

-OK, 90. That's...

-I wasn't doing that to try and knock you down.

0:39:440:39:49

'A likely story, James! Still, the offer stands at £90.'

0:39:490:39:53

-£90. You've got a deal.

-Thank you.

0:39:530:39:57

'And with the desk for £90, Judith and James are all shopped-out.

0:39:570:40:01

'With Paul's love of the military and Mark's love of ANY sport,

0:40:010:40:06

'they've travelled ten miles up the road to Hanley Swan

0:40:060:40:09

'and the National Fencing Museum.

0:40:090:40:11

'They're also going to find out more about a boundary-pushing early star of the sport.

0:40:160:40:21

'The museum is a private collection

0:40:210:40:24

'and a labour of love for fencing enthusiast Malcolm Fare.'

0:40:240:40:27

Very nice to meet you.

0:40:270:40:29

'It contains early examples of equipment and rules of the sport that Malcolm has collected.

0:40:290:40:36

'Fencing has its roots in 16th-century duelling with rapiers.

0:40:360:40:40

'By the 17th century, it had developed from duelling practice into a sport.

0:40:400:40:46

'Rules were written down and the rapier developed into the foil.'

0:40:460:40:50

You love your weaponry.

0:40:500:40:52

-You're casting a very envious eye at that, aren't you?

-Indeed.

0:40:520:40:56

-My word!

-That's an early weapon.

0:40:560:40:59

Can I ask a very inane question? How much...? He's all about profit!

0:40:590:41:03

How much would it cost to buy an antique original foil like that?

0:41:030:41:09

Well, I was lucky in that it turned up at a provincial auction room.

0:41:090:41:13

Had no idea what it was, so it cost me less than £100.

0:41:130:41:18

But I have paid in France more than £800 for a later weapon, which was also quite rare.

0:41:180:41:24

So it depends who knows and who the customer is.

0:41:240:41:28

-There's auctions for you.

-We live the dream.

0:41:280:41:31

Hopefully, it won't come to sword fighting tomorrow!

0:41:310:41:34

'By the late 18th century,

0:41:340:41:36

'famous fencers were the David Beckhams of their day.

0:41:360:41:38

'They were asked to compete

0:41:380:41:40

'in front of the biggest fencing fan in the country, the Prince of Wales.

0:41:400:41:45

'This painting shows a famous match between the Chevalier St George

0:41:450:41:49

'and an enigmatic trail-blazer, the Chevalier d'Eon.'

0:41:490:41:54

D'Eon was an extraordinary character.

0:41:540:41:56

He was a soldier for 40-odd years.

0:41:560:41:59

He was a diplomat. He was a spy for Louis XV.

0:41:590:42:03

And he was a very good fencer.

0:42:050:42:07

'He also had a penchant for cross-dressing.

0:42:070:42:09

'It might have started to aid his spying in Russia and England,

0:42:090:42:13

'or just because he enjoyed it,

0:42:130:42:15

'but in 1777, at the age of 49 and living as political exile in London,

0:42:150:42:20

'he claimed he was anatomically female

0:42:200:42:23

'and decided to live as a woman.'

0:42:230:42:25

For various reasons, he got into deep financial difficulties

0:42:250:42:30

and he was also beginning to see

0:42:300:42:33

perhaps there were advantages to pretending to be a woman.

0:42:330:42:37

He would be more sympathetically treated.

0:42:370:42:40

He wanted to go back to France and clear up his family affairs.

0:42:400:42:44

'Because of his role in a spying scandal,

0:42:440:42:46

'the King wanted to make sure he wouldn't regain his previous place

0:42:460:42:50

'as a male noble in society.

0:42:500:42:52

'A strange sort of deal was agreed.'

0:42:520:42:55

Louis XV said, "OK, come back to France, sort out your affairs,

0:42:550:42:59

"but if you are a woman, you must dress as a woman."

0:42:590:43:02

And reluctantly, he dressed as a woman,

0:43:020:43:05

trying, at the same time, to return to the army, but they would have nothing to do with him.

0:43:050:43:10

'He can't have been that reluctant because in 1785,

0:43:100:43:13

'he returned to England but still chose to live as a woman.'

0:43:130:43:16

In fact, the last 14 years of his life, he rented a room in a boarding house

0:43:160:43:22

and his landlady had no idea that he was a man.

0:43:220:43:25

When the doctor came to examine the body and said, "This is the body of a man,"

0:43:250:43:30

she was astounded.

0:43:300:43:32

I bet she was! You can't really blame her, can you?

0:43:320:43:35

'No-one knows what his motivations for living as a woman were.

0:43:350:43:40

'As for the match against the Chevalier St George,

0:43:400:43:44

'd'Eon won seven points to one.

0:43:440:43:46

'So, go girl!

0:43:460:43:48

'In the spirit of Chevalier d'Eon,

0:43:480:43:50

'Mark is going to have a go at fencing.

0:43:500:43:53

'He's not going to wear women's clothes, but all the necessary safety equipment.'

0:43:530:43:58

PAUL LAUGHING

0:43:580:44:01

MARK ROARS

0:44:010:44:03

-Maybe you should give me some technical assistance here.

-OK.

0:44:030:44:07

First of all, you come en garde like this,

0:44:070:44:10

with both legs bent.

0:44:100:44:12

Then you straighten the arm and lunge.

0:44:120:44:16

Hooo! Hee-ha!

0:44:160:44:18

Haw! Ha! Haw!

0:44:200:44:22

-At the end, do we...?

-Then you salute.

0:44:250:44:27

Bring your foil up to your... Then you salute your opponent.

0:44:270:44:33

-So we're downing arms?

-That's right.

0:44:330:44:36

And I reveal my identity.

0:44:360:44:38

Me, the greatest swordsman in the west.

0:44:380:44:41

Fantastic. Thank you, Malcolm.

0:44:410:44:44

It's a very elegant sport done properly

0:44:440:44:47

and a very inelegant sport when done like I just did.

0:44:470:44:51

-Thank you. I've got the basics.

-Pleasure.

0:44:510:44:53

-I shall be employing them on you!

-PAUL LAUGHS

0:44:530:44:57

Let's go off. Next mission!

0:44:570:44:59

'And the next mission is the reveal,

0:44:590:45:01

'which Malcolm has very kindly lent us his garden for.'

0:45:010:45:05

-Your logistics look impressive.

-We've got more than you have!

0:45:050:45:09

LAUGHTER

0:45:090:45:10

As we all know, size doesn't matter.

0:45:100:45:13

OK.

0:45:130:45:15

Oh, I like the lamp!

0:45:150:45:18

-'Really?'

-Yeah. Love the lamp.

0:45:180:45:20

'You're about the only one - just you and me.'

0:45:200:45:22

Is that a bull's-eye condenser?

0:45:220:45:25

-Is that what it is? Bull's-eye condenser?

-Yeah.

0:45:250:45:28

-Yeah. It's a bull's-eye condenser!

-You had no idea what it was!

0:45:280:45:31

We knew exactly it was a bull's-eye condenser(!)

0:45:310:45:34

Bull's-eye condensers are SO last year.

0:45:340:45:37

Last year, they were flying off the shelves.

0:45:370:45:39

This year, no-one's interested!

0:45:390:45:42

So, we've a desk.

0:45:420:45:44

We have a rather nice pine chest.

0:45:440:45:47

Call it what you will, but I like the vaulted top. This is nice.

0:45:470:45:51

-Don't be too compliementary.

-But the soldier.

0:45:510:45:54

Looks like a wee dummy board. I like that.

0:45:540:45:56

-So your total spend?

-Two hundred and...

0:45:560:45:59

-How has it got a two at the beginning?

-..60 quid.

0:45:590:46:02

-260?

-Wow! You're almost throwing in the towel with this attitude.

0:46:020:46:07

Throwing in the flag? BOTH LAUGH

0:46:070:46:09

'Come on, boys. Show us your stuff.'

0:46:090:46:12

The first thing we've done together in harmony!

0:46:120:46:15

# Ta-da-da-da! #

0:46:150:46:18

Ah! Oh!

0:46:180:46:20

Not quite such an impressive...volume!

0:46:200:46:23

-One lot.

-This is the Mary Poppins, going on holiday lot.

0:46:230:46:27

-Flying the flag.

-Little parasol. The flag - they love the flags!

0:46:270:46:31

The market for a flag with a hole in it - huge!

0:46:310:46:34

It took a little bit of twisting of arms.

0:46:340:46:38

I'm sure that's a great winner(!)

0:46:380:46:40

Explain the rest. The rest is, you know, stuff.

0:46:400:46:44

That's late 19th-century, French, gilt-mounted,

0:46:440:46:47

-onyx, classical architectural cased clock.

-Yeah. How much?

0:46:470:46:51

-20.

-Ooh!

0:46:510:46:53

JUDITH: That's good. PAUL: Seriously!

0:46:530:46:56

How much have you spent altogether?

0:46:560:46:59

£100.

0:46:590:47:01

-Oh, wow!

-No?

0:47:010:47:03

The flag itself, I think will go for 100.

0:47:030:47:05

-How much was the case?

-Don't touch!

0:47:050:47:08

Don't want any of your bad karma on our stuff!

0:47:080:47:11

I think you've done really well.

0:47:110:47:13

'Is that what you really think, James?'

0:47:130:47:15

I think we have got the best lot by a mile.

0:47:150:47:19

The thing that makes me most confident

0:47:190:47:22

is the fear in Paul's eyes.

0:47:220:47:25

I can't tell you how lacking in optimism I am.

0:47:250:47:28

-I see this big stuff and they've got that desk for 90.

-I can't believe they got the desk for 90!

0:47:280:47:35

The flag with a hole in it, I'm not too keen on that.

0:47:350:47:38

Flags, no. The parasol, no. The game, no.

0:47:380:47:41

-The clock's good.

-The clock, that is their winning lot.

-Yeah.

0:47:410:47:47

Do we need to go and rest before the big battle commences?

0:47:470:47:50

Oi!

0:47:500:47:51

'And so on to auction.

0:47:510:47:53

'Our destination is 33 miles south, through the Cotswolds,

0:47:530:47:56

'into Gloucestershire, home to sunny Stroud.'

0:47:560:47:59

Are you excited, Mother, about the prospect of the auction?

0:47:590:48:03

Excited is one word. Yes.

0:48:030:48:05

It's the culmination of what we've been doing.

0:48:050:48:08

But nervous is another word which is applying to me today.

0:48:080:48:12

That reveal, I've got to say, I had a little offering, you had an antiques shop!

0:48:120:48:17

BOTH LAUGH

0:48:170:48:19

There's my lucky cow.

0:48:190:48:21

Morning. Who do you think is going to win the great auction showdown?

0:48:210:48:26

-MOO

-Ooh, maybe not!

0:48:260:48:28

-Oh, gosh!

-BOTH LAUGH

0:48:280:48:31

I think he was winding up for a charge.

0:48:310:48:34

Close shave! Let's get to this auction house before it gets too rural.

0:48:370:48:41

'Well, they all seem in the "mooood" for today's auction.

0:48:410:48:46

'It's in the gorgeous Cotswold town of Stroud.

0:48:460:48:50

'It's been called "Notting Hill with wellies",

0:48:500:48:52

'thanks to its thriving artistic community and various festivals.

0:48:520:48:56

'Today's auctioneers, the Stroud Auction Rooms, have been on the go for ten years,

0:48:560:49:01

'and recently took the title of the UK's number one online auctioneers.

0:49:010:49:06

'Today's auctioneer is James Taylor. What's he seen that's hot - and what's not?'

0:49:060:49:10

We've got buyers who like toys and retro things that remind them of childhood.

0:49:100:49:14

So the racing car set stands out nicely in this sale.

0:49:140:49:18

If we had to name one item that was going to struggle,

0:49:180:49:22

it's the magnifying glass - it's a bit random.

0:49:220:49:25

To be honest, we're not sure how it's going to fare in the auction.

0:49:250:49:29

'Whoops! Just raring to get off the ground are our two teams.

0:49:330:49:37

'Oh, dear!'

0:49:370:49:39

-LAUGHTER

-Ready for action!

0:49:390:49:41

You men! Boy racers!

0:49:410:49:44

Morning, partner. How are you?

0:49:440:49:46

Hello, hello, hello.

0:49:460:49:48

I've been awake half the night wondering what's going to happen.

0:49:480:49:53

Destiny awaits us! Shall we go?

0:49:530:49:55

Let battle commence. Try and keep it friendly. It's my mother, after all.

0:49:550:50:00

'So, to recap, both teams started the trip with £400.

0:50:000:50:04

'Judith and James have flown first class, spending £260 on seven items,

0:50:040:50:09

'which they've made into five lots.

0:50:090:50:12

'Mark and Paul have gone economy, only spending £100,

0:50:120:50:15

'also on seven items which they've made into five lots.

0:50:150:50:19

'Looks like there's a few no-shows in business class today,

0:50:190:50:23

'but there are phone and internet bidders to help the prices fly.

0:50:230:50:27

'With both teams strapped in and the safety announcements made,

0:50:270:50:32

'let the family feud begin!

0:50:320:50:34

'The first item is Mark and Paul's malt shovel.

0:50:340:50:37

'There's already been some bids come in online - thank goodness.'

0:50:370:50:40

Commission interest means I'm straight in at £45.

0:50:400:50:43

£45, the bid's on the book. Looking for eight.

0:50:430:50:46

48's on the net. 50 with me. Is there two? At £50. Five.

0:50:460:50:50

On the internet. 60 with me. Is there five?

0:50:500:50:53

At £65 on the internet. Looking for 70. At £65.

0:50:530:50:56

I'm selling to the net at 65... BANGS GAVEL

0:50:560:50:59

Well done!

0:50:590:51:01

'Fantastic start for the boys. A £40-profit straight off the bat!

0:51:040:51:08

'I mean, shovel. Next, it's the scientific lens,

0:51:080:51:11

'or bull's-eye condenser, to use its technical name.

0:51:110:51:14

'Our auctioneer thought it might struggle, but was he off-target?'

0:51:140:51:19

I'm bid straight in at £22.

0:51:190:51:22

25's on the net. 28 with me. Is there 30? At £28.

0:51:220:51:25

30 on the net now. Two with me. Is there five? At £32 with me.

0:51:250:51:29

35 takes me out on the net. Is there eight?

0:51:290:51:32

At £35, it's on the internet.

0:51:320:51:34

I'm selling to the net at 35. BANGS GAVEL

0:51:340:51:37

'Great start for team Chalmers, too. A magnified profit of £25.

0:51:370:51:42

'Next, it's Paul and Mark's 1960s battery-operated car.

0:51:420:51:46

'Will someone drive a hard bargain to get it?'

0:51:460:51:49

Little bit of interest means I'm straight in at £28. 30 on the net.

0:51:490:51:54

32's with me. Is there five? 35. 38's with me. Is there 40?

0:51:540:51:58

At £38. 40 takes me out on the internet. Is there two? At £40.

0:51:580:52:01

I'm selling to the net at 40. BANGS GAVEL

0:52:010:52:06

Percentage-wise, that has got to be the most successful purchase!

0:52:060:52:11

'James is right. That's a stunning 700% profit, before auction costs.

0:52:110:52:16

'If you could make that on a real car, you'd live the rest of your life in the fast lane.

0:52:160:52:21

'For the next lot,

0:52:210:52:23

'Judith and James have combined the George III copper saucepan

0:52:230:52:27

'with the Victorian desk lamp.'

0:52:270:52:29

A lot of commission interest. Straight in at £100. Is there 110?

0:52:290:52:34

The bid's on the book. 110's on the net. 120's with me. Is there 130?

0:52:340:52:38

130. 140's with me. Is there 150? At £140. Looking for 150.

0:52:380:52:43

I'm selling on the book at 140. BANGS GAVEL

0:52:430:52:47

Well done, guys! Well done!

0:52:470:52:51

'That's a truly copper-bottomed profit to light up Judith's day.

0:52:510:52:55

'It's the Mary Poppins lot of the 1950s suitcase,

0:52:570:53:00

'the air-conditioned Victorian parasol and the shabby Union Jack.

0:53:000:53:04

'If this can make a profit, anything can.'

0:53:040:53:06

I am shifting uncomfortably, because on my head be it.

0:53:060:53:10

I have commission interest at £28. Is there 30? At £28.

0:53:100:53:13

30's on the net. Is there two? 32 with me. Is there five?

0:53:130:53:16

At £32. 35. 38 still with me. Is there 40?

0:53:160:53:20

At £38. The bid's still with me. 40. 42 still with me. Is there five?

0:53:200:53:24

-45 takes me out on the net...

-# Britannia rule the waves #

0:53:240:53:27

Ssh!

0:53:270:53:29

..I'm selling to the net at 45. BANGS GAVEL

0:53:290:53:32

-It's a profit!

-It's a profit!

0:53:320:53:35

'A-mazing! The auction gods must be British.

0:53:350:53:39

'Next, it's a combined lot again of the George III toy cradle

0:53:410:53:45

'and the Scottish soldier. Atten-shun, everyone!'

0:53:450:53:48

We've had a lot of interest this morning.

0:53:480:53:51

I'm bid straight in at £80. Is there five? 85 on the net. 90 with me.

0:53:510:53:55

£90. 95. 100, still with me. Is there 110? 110. 120 with me.

0:53:550:53:59

Is there 130? 130 takes me out on the net. Is there 140...?

0:53:590:54:03

'Goodness! This internet lark is really delivering today!'

0:54:030:54:07

..At £130. I'm selling to the net at 130.

0:54:070:54:10

BANGS GAVEL

0:54:100:54:11

-Good old soldier!

-It's run through our meagre defences.

0:54:110:54:15

'Child's play, eh? Another whacking profit for Judith and James.

0:54:150:54:20

'Mark and Paul are doing OK,

0:54:200:54:22

'but need big profits to gain ground on team Chalmers.

0:54:220:54:25

'They have high hopes for the French 19th-century onyx clock.'

0:54:250:54:28

Straight in with me at £42. Is there five? 45's on the net.

0:54:280:54:32

48's with me. Is there 50? 55 still with me. Is there 60?

0:54:320:54:37

60 takes me out on the internet. Is there five? At £60.

0:54:370:54:40

I'm selling to the internet at 60. BANGS GAVEL

0:54:400:54:43

'The pine trunk is up next.

0:54:460:54:49

'It was the most expensive purchase so it could bring a big loss.

0:54:490:54:53

'But will fortune favour the brave?'

0:54:530:54:58

I'm bid in at £110. Is there 120? At £110. 120. 130's with me. 140?

0:54:580:55:03

140. 150's with me. Is there 160?

0:55:030:55:06

160. 170's with me. Is there 180?

0:55:060:55:08

At £170. It's on commission. Looking for 180.

0:55:080:55:11

At 170 I'm selling. BANGS GAVEL

0:55:110:55:13

-It's an absolute blood bath.

-I thought it might go a bit further.

0:55:140:55:18

'But it was enough profit to put you well into the lead, Judith.

0:55:180:55:23

'Listen up, everyone - it's the 1930s radio loudspeaker.

0:55:230:55:28

'The boys need this to make about £100 profit to stay in the game.'

0:55:280:55:33

-This is the heart of the battle.

-This is going to be it.

0:55:330:55:37

Bid's with me at £28. Is there 30? At £28. Looking for 30.

0:55:370:55:42

30's on the net. 32's with me. Is there five? 35.

0:55:420:55:45

38 still with me. Is there 40?

0:55:450:55:47

40. 42 still with me. Is there five? 45.

0:55:470:55:51

48 with me. Is there 50? 50 takes me out on the internet. Is there five?

0:55:510:55:55

I'm selling to the net at 50.

0:55:550:55:58

BANGS GAVEL

0:55:580:55:59

'That's not music to the boys' ears,

0:55:590:56:02

'but they have done remarkably well by racking up a profit on every lot.

0:56:020:56:07

'It's the final lot, the writing desk.

0:56:070:56:10

'A profit on this will mean Judith and James also haven't made a loss.'

0:56:100:56:15

Good luck, folks. Good luck.

0:56:150:56:17

I'm bid straight in at £120. Is there 130...?

0:56:170:56:21

'Straight into profit. Fantastic.'

0:56:210:56:23

..At £120 it's on the book. Looking for 130. 130 on the phone?

0:56:230:56:27

130 on the phone. 140's with me. 150?

0:56:270:56:30

150. 160's with me. 170?

0:56:300:56:33

170. 180's with me. 190?

0:56:340:56:36

I'm out at 190 on the telephone. Is there 200?

0:56:370:56:40

At £190, the bid's on the phone. Looking for 200.

0:56:400:56:43

Net's quiet. I'm selling to the phone at 190. BANGS GAVEL

0:56:430:56:46

-That'll do, though!

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:56:460:56:49

'And yet another great profit for Judith!

0:56:500:56:54

'An incredible Road Trip grand slam of a profit on every lot from both teams.'

0:56:540:56:59

-We've had a lot of fun.

-Off we go.

0:56:590:57:03

'So, let's see how they finished.

0:57:030:57:05

'Both teams today started with a £400 holiday...

0:57:050:57:09

'sorry, antiques budget.

0:57:090:57:11

'Mark and Paul's eclectic mix of souvenirs

0:57:110:57:14

'made a profit of £113.20p after auction costs,

0:57:140:57:18

'leaving them with a three-star total of £513.20p.

0:57:180:57:22

'Well done.

0:57:220:57:24

'But Judith and James's eye-catching collection won the day,

0:57:240:57:28

'making a profit of £285.30p after auction costs.

0:57:280:57:33

'This gives them a five-star total of £685.30p,

0:57:330:57:37

'leaving Judith with the bragging rights at Christmas dinner! Ha!'

0:57:370:57:42

James!

0:57:420:57:43

Hats off.

0:57:430:57:44

Well done!

0:57:440:57:46

Exciting!

0:57:460:57:48

Mother, you've been teaching me lessons about not picking my nose and brushing my hair,

0:57:480:57:53

-but that is the ultimate lesson.

-Can I kiss him, too?

0:57:530:57:56

-James, fantastic.

-What fun.

0:57:560:57:58

-It's been a wonderful experience.

-I need my mother back, I'm afraid.

0:57:580:58:02

-I must return her to my father.

-Your mother's never gone anywhere!

0:58:020:58:06

I'll miss you. The bromance is over. Just a holiday romance, though.

0:58:060:58:11

James, thank you.

0:58:110:58:13

'She's been to Nice and the isles of Greece,

0:58:130:58:16

'but has Judith ever been on a trip like this? I doubt it.

0:58:160:58:20

'All of her and Marks' profits will be going to Children In Need.

0:58:200:58:25

'Until next time, then, bon voyage.'

0:58:250:58:28

# How I wish Wish you were here... #

0:58:280:58:31

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:58:390:58:42

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0:58:420:58:45

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