Episode 15 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

'Some of the nation's favourite celebrities.' Why have I got such expensive tastes?

'One antiques expert each.' HE LAUGHS

'And one big challenge.

'Who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices?'

Answers on a postcard. HAMMER BANGS

Oh! 'And auction for a big profit further down the road?'

HE LAUGHS

'Who will spot the good investments? Who will listen to advice?'

Do you like it? No, I think it's horrible.

'And who will be the first to say, "Don't you know who I am?"

Well done, us! 'Time to put your peddle to the metal!

'This is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

'Yeah!

'Taking a road trip today,

'wildlife TV presenters Michaela Strachan

'and Martin Hughes-Games.

'Equipped with ?400 each, they're embarking on a safari

'in Martin's home territory, the West Country,

'in search of that elusive species - profit from antiques.'

Do you know anything about antiques?

I know a bit about silver. Do you? I do, yeah.

And also, I brought a lot of my silver books with me.

Oh, my word! You swot!

'Class swot Martin Hughes-Games studied zoology at university

'before working behind the cameras on shows like Tomorrow's World

'and indulging his passion for restoring and riding motorbikes.

'And after three decades, he finally ventured in front of the cameras...'

Back by popular demand... '..rapidly becoming a fixture on Springwatch,

'Autumnwatch and every other season watch.

'He's getting to grips with this 1964 MGB,

'but words are proving more troublesome.'

You get people in the... you know, during the actual, erm...

What do they call it? What, the auction?

The auction, that's it! Oh, my word! You didn't do much homework, then!

'Michaela Strachan has been hard at work in front of the camera

'since 1986, presenting children's shows like the Wide Awake Club and Wacaday.

'She was Her to Pete Waterman's Hit Man

'but traded nightlife for wildlife.

'Since then, her career's ranged from The Really Wild Show

'to becoming ladies world gurning champion on Countryfile,

'and now she's a regular on the Springwatch and Autumnwatch teams.'

It was an early 5am start to get into position before dawn.

'The early bird catches the worm and perhaps she'll apply it to antiques hunting, too.

'But our celebrities are counting on their experts, as well.'

We are with people that study antiques. Yes.

So they are going to be able to help us. They'll use the same sort of skills,

that incisive knowledge, peering, all the things that we have.

Yeah, right. I tend to use a lot of guess work, actually.

'Guess work?

'Something James Braxton and Mark Stacey never use!

'Just like they never get muddled.'

James, how exciting! We're meeting a pair of naturists.

A pair of naturists? Naturalists, man! Oh, naturalists!

For goodness sake! What are naturists, then?

Naturists are people... nudists.

Oh, no! No, no, no. Oh, no, no, no.

The only things that's topless is the car.

'This topless beauty is a 1989 Citroen 2CV,

'but James is more preoccupied with his potential partner.'

Martin Hughes-Gaines. 'Games, James!'

It's a rather great name that, isn't it?

Lovely name. It's like Huge Gains.

I think he would be a lucky person to go with. It's an omen for the auction.

'James Braxton doesn't rely on good omens.

'He has a nose for a bargain.' Ooh, smells of antiques.

'A qualified surveyor, he's notched up 25 years in the antiques industry

'and especially loves spotting silver and sculpture.

'And he's always thankful for a great find.'

Finally bought something!

'The prospect of working with wildlife presenters has him pondering.'

In the animal kingdom, where would you put yourself?

I'd be a grazer. A grazer? Yes.

You know, like a fine gazelle or something like that.

'Mark Stacey has rarely been described as a gazelle,

'but he sometimes does wonder what he is.'

Do I look a cheeky bottom type of person? Don't answer that.

'When not confused, he's built up many years experience

'as an antiques dealer, auctioneer, valuer and consultant,

'with a particular passion for silver, Art Deco, retro items and cheeky comments.'

I know what animal you'd be. What would I be, Mark? Surprise me.

I'll give you a clue. You'd like wallowing in mud.

JAMES LAUGHS A hippo? Yeah.

I think a hippo... I wouldn't mind being a hippo.

Jolly nice. Can we both be hippos?

Cos that would be quite fun, wouldn't it? Yeah. Just snoozing all day.

'There's no time for snoozing. There's a road trip to accomplish.

'Today's road trip begins near Corsham in Wiltshire

'and heads west to dip a tentative toe in the Bristol Channel

'and then east again to the edge of the Mendip hills

'for an auction in Frome in Somerset.'

Where are those Springwatchers? I don't know.

These naturalists, naturists, whatever they are, always late.

Like you. Hang on, I hear something. Here you are.

Look. They're quite athletic, these people. Very athletic!

Sorry we're late. We were going to look for a bit of wildlife.

I'm impressed with that. We heard a report there was a lesser-spotted woodpecker in the woods

and we thought we'd try and find it.

'Does bird-spotting skill translate to bargain-spotting? A partner will help.'

Martin, I like your name. It sounds almost like Huge Gains, doesn't it?

Huge Gains, yes! It's an omen. I've been called many thing before but not that.

THEY LAUGH Huge Gains!

I think you need to go with the Welshman, Michaela.

And he knows a lot more about antiques than I do. OK.

And hopefully, Martin and I can be the huge gains, the winning team!

The winning team! Right, we've got a challenge on now! There's no chance.

'As they head into Corsham, Michaela reveals her strategy for dominance over the rivals.'

I thought maybe we could go for a theme.

Being a wildlife person, maybe I could look for something with wildlife on it.

Oh, yeah, that's a really good idea.

And I particularly remember those... You remember those little whimsies?

I used to get them as a kid as going home presents. Yes.

They used to come in a matchbox and they're all British wildlife.

That's right. I've noticed antique shops have those. Yes. You pulled a face.

Actually, they are one of my least favourite things in the antiques world.

'I fear these two will lock horns if Mark isn't tactful.'

But I will be honest with my opinions. SHE LAUGHS

'Corsham is a handsome town filled with 16th, 17th and 18th century buildings

'and a few surprises.'

Ooh, look at this! That'd be great if we could buy that.

That would definitely get a lot of money. Well, I don't know, it's only half there.

It's missing its head. But I tell you what, it is indicative,

cos we're going to exterminate the opposition. Very good. I like it.

'I wonder if Mark will like the stock in their first shop, Granny's Attic.

'It includes those collectable animal figurines, whimsies.'

Look! I don't believe it. Mark's going to get so upset, but look.

That was one of my favourites. I used to love that one.

That's definitely not British wildlife, though, is it?

And that one. I had both of those as a child. ?1 each!

You see, I've got a whole collection now.

A little collection of animal whimsies.

'Not if Mark has any say in it.

'Now, is this on the right line?' I quite like things like this.

I love that. It needs cleaning up. That's so Crossroads.

Yeah. From the 1970s.

That's a hideous colour, as well.

I went to Portmeirion the other day where they do new ones of those

and they were really quite expensive, so I reckon if we cleaned that up...

SHE LAUGHS Sorry.

I... I think that was a missed call. SHE LAUGHS

HE RINGS BELL Time, gentlemen, please. THEY LAUGH

'With ?400 to spend, Michaela spots another possibility.'

Look at that. Is that interesting or just bric-a-brac? I find that interesting.

It's quite fun, isn't it? Yeah. Cos it's... Actually, that is quite fun.

'This modern fireside companion set includes a brush, shovel and tongs and it's ?20.'

Erm, it's different, certainly. SHE LAUGHS

Erm... But you're quite liking it. You're liking it more than my whimsy.

Oh, I... Not the whimsy. No, you're quite right, I do like it.

I want to see the look on the other team's face when we reveal our items, as well. Yes!

If we could get that for a tenner or something... Yeah.

..that could be a good buy, actually. Yep. Well spotted!

Honestly, well spotted, cos I walked straight past that.

'Michaela's choice gets a thumbs up, but the price doesn't.

'Perhaps Vanessa can help.'

To be honest, I think the auctioneer will estimate it at ?20 to ?30.

I don't know, it could be just quirky. If there's two or three people who like it on the day,

they might pay a bit more. But I think we've really got to pay you a ?10 note for it.

Cos it's a bit of fun, isn't it? I think that's fine.

Or even a ?5 note. She said fine. Oh, no.

SHE LAUGHS I'm just playing the game here.

You're pushing it now. Ten. I'm very happy to pay ?10 for it. Are you? Yeah.

Thank you very much. Thank you. Thanks so much.

That's lovely of you. Are you happy? I'm very happy with that, yeah. I think that's great.

'It's not wildlife as we know it,

'but at ?10, it's a deal.

'En route to Corsham, James and Martin have a team talk

'on the importance of dealing with the boss at each antique shop.'

It's like the natural world, really. Yes.

There is a pecking order. But we want to go to the primate. OK.

The silverback, the top man or top woman. Yeah, we do.

The silverback of lady owners.

THEY LAUGH That's what we want.

'Their first port of call is Harley Antiques, with its furniture and accessories.

'Time will tell whether dealer Mark Ripon is a silverback or not.'

James. Nice to meet you. Good to meet you, Mark.

'Martin's spotting instincts soon kick in.'

People love owls, don't they? They do.

They do love an owl. Emblematic of the goddess of...

Athena. Athena, that's right.

But, in fact, sadly, a friend of mine's got owls,

and you know "wise old owl"? They're as thick as... Are they?

They're really stupid birds, tragically.

He's got starlings, as well, and the starlings are head and shoulders cleverer.

JAMES LAUGHS Not wise at all!

'How about some wise purchases? What about a silver ashtray

'from the White Star Cruise Line of Titanic fame?'

We've got a date letter

and another mark.

Do you know your date letters off by heart? No.

'Tut-tut, Mr Expert.'

HE LAUGHS We've got the book! Come on.

Look up RSWS.

Cos it's in that clover leaf, it's in the four-leaf clover. OK.

It's quite a nice mark, that. No, it hasn't got it in this.

'Serves you right, swot!' I've got a number of books I brought with me.

I've done a bit of research. Don't really need it, but it's quite useful.

And the special eye piece, which I normally use for looking at insects,

knew it would work here.

'The chaps think the ticket price is ?18,

'but it turns out it reads ?68. Ha!'

JAMES LAUGHS Oh, no! Oh, no!

Could it be 18, Mark? No, it can't be that cheap, I'm afraid.

What could you do that for, then? 20 quid?

No. We could do that for 50. 50?

Yeah. It's quite a faded ticket. It's been around for a while.

It's been around for a while, but still 50 is the maximum we can go to, I'm afraid. Really? Yep.

'There's no deal to be done, so Martin and James leave empty-handed.' Oh, dear.

'Michaela and Mark are putting shopping and caution behind them for now

'to head ten miles down the road to Bath.

'Of course, Bath is famous for its waters, architecture

'and being in Jane Austen novels,

'but without any persuasion,

'Michaela and Mark have opted to go wild and west.'

Hello. Welcome to the American Museum of Britain. Hello!

We knew you were coming so we've ordered the sunshine. You've ordered it specially!

'Laura Beresford curates the museum's impressive collection of American decorative and folk art.

'Many of the exhibits have animal themes,

'so the plan is for Michaela to see animals in art

'rather than in the flesh as she usually does. Well, that was the plan.'

I love this! It's a Native America. This is fantastic!

He's beautiful, isn't he? He is a ship's figurehead.

There was a frigate called the Mohawk on Lake Ontario

at the beginning of the 19th century and we presume that this chap

was the significant symbol of that particular ship.

'He's magnificent. But what about the wildlife?'

Eagles feature a lot in American folk,

as you can imagine. The great seal of the States.

The eagle, as a symbol, had everything embodied in it.

If you think about America trying to establish itself as a new republic

and if you think about their big public monuments, their big buildings,

we're talking about harking back to the classical age,

and yet they wanted to do something different, so they pick the eagle

as their new symbol of being so different from the mother country.

My favourite, actually, is this spectacular chap.

This particular eagle was created by quite a notorious folk artist in the States.

He was known for getting very drunk and so he would often end up in jail

and his bail payments would often be carved animals, carved eagles. Really? Yes.

He's particularly known for his eagles and his name was Old Schimmel.

That's such a joyful one. It's so humorous.

It is. It makes you smile looking at it.

Absolutely. And we have people talking about him being Gonzo out of the Muppets. Oh, yes!

'The museum has a delightfully diverse collection of items

'made by the people, for the people.

'Many had practical uses, like the decoy ducks.'

Do these ducks on the wall quack as you go past?

No, they don't. But rather wonderfully, you naughty thing,

some of their heads move. So when they were bobbing on the water,

their heads moved around to make them much more lifelike.

Any many of them have cork inserts underneath to keep them afloat.

That's what I want to find in an antique shop. Quacking ducks.

'A quacking idea, Michaela!

'And speaking of bird life, the museum has another zoological treat,

'a collection of works by John James Audubon.'

These are lovely, aren't they? They are beautiful. Oh, my goodness, they're exquisite!

'Audubon was the outstanding wildlife artist

'of the first half of the 19th century in America,

'especially noted for his 435 life-size prints of birds.'

He's become very significant in the world of wildlife, hasn't he?

Absolutely, because he went into the American wilderness

and drew and collected specimens

before people even knew that certain bird types,

that certain mammals existed, and so when he came back to the populated areas of the east coast,

this was completely mind-blowing to the public that he was presenting these drawings to.

He observed very closely,

he took detailed notes about mannerisms of flight, for instance.

I mean, he was an astonishing scientist.

He was not only an artist, he was someone who was such a great observer.

So he was an iconic ornithologist, really. Very much so.

But not just an ornithologist, he was very interested in the mammal world, as well.

So if we manage to find one of his originals

in an antique shop for less than ?400,

then we're laughing! We'll buy it. But I somehow doubt it.

Thank you, Laura. We've learned such a lot. Yes, thank you.

'Martin and James are following Michaela and Mark to Bath.

'James is curious to know when Martin developed his interest in wildlife.'

When I was eight, I got the school prize for nature.

Oh! So I must have been interested, even when I was tiny.

But, yeah, I just... The thing is, it's all around you

and so it's sort of something you can enjoy wherever you are, whatever you're doing.

'Wherever you are, whatever you're doing,

'making a profit needs to be your second nature today, Martin.

'Craik's Antiques in Bath might have the right sort of specimens.'

This is an Aladdin's cave, isn't it?

I want everything already. Full of goodies. Look at those suitcases!

Ooh, magic crystal balls.

And the... Look! Fabulous. Brass candlesticks.

I think we've struck gold here, Martin. Yes. This is looking much more like it.

'With help from owner Caroline, they do strike, well, wood, not gold, actually,

'but let's not nit-pick, eh?'

Now, that's interesting. First World War. Yeah.

It is First World War, isn't it? Bit of trench art carving.

Calais. Mm.

'Soldiers and civilians produced trench art

'and Calais was a main port on the way to the battlefields in Flanders.'

Interesting that you'd have a sunflower there, isn't it?

A sunflower? Oh, yeah! You'd expect a poppy, wouldn't you?

And it's sort of slightly... Do you think a stylised oak leaf?

'Martin won the nature prize when he was eight. Over to him.'

Poppies came after the war, didn't they? Yeah. That's rather lovely.

It's interesting. It's history. It is history.

Social history. It is. Ohh! And military history.

Military and social history. It's all history rolled into one.

And what have you got on that, a tenner?

I was really looking for 25.

Ooh, blimey. But I could let it go for 20.

I mean, just think of that poor soldier in his trench carving away,

because he would've put his own photograph or a letter in there and sent it to his loved one. Yeah.

'Martin and James agree on shortlisting the frame

'and resume foraging for goodies.'

People use these for smart lights and interior design.

These are made by Boosey Hawkes or somebody.

They're the great manufacturers.

Are your eyes still good? Maker to Her Majesty's forces,

A Hall Gisborne, London,

Birmingham, England.

Gisborne? Gisborne.

Guy of Gisborne! Oh, it doesn't quite... Who was Guy of Gisborne?

'A baddie in Robin Hood. And like Martin, he didn't play the tuba.'

Lovely tone. Nice tone, yeah.

Oh, it's got things. In harmony.

But is the price right?

How much have you got on it, Caroline? 50?

No. Do you know, psychic! I was going to say 50.

It needs... I wanted 120 for it.

Oh, Caroline. Oh, Caroline.

I polished the thing. Well, I know you've polished it, but just think...

Caroline, you could've done a bit more polishing, I'm afraid.

Oh, let me get my duster. It's beyond dusters. It's beyond dusters, I think.

'Martin fancies a bargain.'

Your starting price was 70. No, it wasn't.

Wasn't it? My starting price was 120.

Oh, sorry. And my finishing price was 75.

75. You can tell she's been in the business a while.

'He's underestimated Caroline.' Would you throw in the beautiful...

No, I wouldn't. Let me finish.

I know what you're going to say. No. 'But he's tenacious.'

What about ?90 for all? Hold on. Steady. I think you're being far too generous.

It's seen better days. No, it's seen life, not better days.

Oh, life. It is, it is. Mm.

It's got a history to tell. It's got a history.

Oh, go on, 85. 85! Caroline, well done. 'Result!'

Thank you! Lovely to meet you. Really nice to meet you.

Thank you. We can go away triumphant. Did you want a bag?

No. I want this gift-wrapped, please. "Get out of my shop!"

'With two lots in the bag for ?85,

'it seems Martin has the right instincts.

'And with that, it's time for our trainee antique-spotters and their experts

'to go back to snuggle down in their hides for some shut-eye. Nighty night.

'It's a new day and Michaela and Martin are raring to build on yesterday's purchases.

'Michaela and Mark planned on animal-themed antiques buying,

'but ended up spending just ?10 on a quirky fireside companion set

'with not a trace of fur or feather.'

Oh! They are class! Look at them!

'They have a whopping ?390 to spend today, if they can agree on anything.'

Guy of Gisborne. 'Martin and James seemed more in harmony,

'buying an early 20th century tuba...'

Lovely tone. Nice tone, yeah.

'..and a trench art photograph frame for a total of ?85.

It leaves them with a generous ?315 for today's shopping.

'Both teams have left Bath behind and made their way to Bristol.

'James and Mark have not had an easy ride.

'So Michaela and Martin are the first to arrive.'

They may be experts, but they're not exactly punctual, are they?

I actually think that they've given up on us both! Cos we're a bit rubbish.

Seriously, I think Mark was looking at what I was picking up in that bric-a-brac shop

and he just thought, "Oh, dear, she just really, really hasn't got a clue."

Hello! Oh, you're... Oh, hello! Sorry about that. Lovely to see you!

We've had a bit of a breakdown. Technical. Not us, the car.

Oh, no! THEY LAUGH

A personal breakdown? You know the handbrake was slightly sticking yesterday?

Well, it finally decided to not stick but seize.

How are we going to get around, James? I think Shanks's pony.

Shanks's pony? I've got high-heeled boots on!

I know, the Sarkozys! How are you going to get on with those? Oh, dear!

We've got our secret weapon over there. He's a native.

I'm a native, my baba. I can talk the lango. Yeah.

Lango? Lingo. Well, I also used to live in Bristol.

How much do you want for that, my lover? I tell you what speaks in this town - money.

And we've got more of it and we've got more time, so let's go shopping.

Good luck, boys! Thank you very much.

Hey, you could borrow a Lambretta! Hark at ee! Hark at ee! Hark at ee!

Jolly lucky that young man does yoga, isn't it?

THEY LAUGH The way he got in that car.

Good luck. We didn't break our car. Oh, she's got it in gear! Well done. Bye!

Buy some whimsies! Whimsies!

They're trending! They're so going to lose. Yeah.

Losers! Bye, losers! Losers!

'Confident, eh?

'As Michaela and Mark make for the first shop of the day,

'Mark's pondering the perils of being a TV presenter.'

There's an old saying in television, "You should never work with children and animals."

You do both. I do. And I've survived to tell the tale.

THEY LAUGH Dare I ask which you prefer?

I'll tell you, not only did I do children and animals,

I did, erm, slightly inebriated people in night clubs, as well!

Oh! Doing a programme called Hit Man And Her.

And I think that's probably the most challenging.

'What? Harder than agreeing on antiques with Mark Stacey?

'And on that subject, you'd better get cracking with your ?390.

'The destination is Rachel's Antiques.'

Good morning! Good morning! Hi!

I'm Rachel. Hi, Rachel.

'Rachel has an intriguing mix of stock

'and dad Michael has more in his shop next door.

'Michaela's all fired up and Mark's trying hard.'

Oh, my God, there's a duck-billed platypus there.

Oh, yeah! Let's get that! No, but it's an ashtray. Look.

Oh, that's fantastic, isn't it? Look at that!

And it's got Brownie Downing registered design.

And then you've got an old man of the Maoris. It's a Maori, isn't it?

How often do you even see a picture of a duck-billed platypus on an ashtray?

I mean, that is unique, isn't it? Yeah, pretty unique.

And do you want to see it again? SHE LAUGHS

What do you reckon? I'm sorry, I've seen them now. Shall we move on?

SHE LAUGHS See, I like them.

'No meeting of minds here.

'See if you can spot something else. These will help!'

I was going to say, that doesn't usually help, if you have the cover on the end.

'Well, maybe not.

'Mark's still trying with the animal theme.'

Look at that. It's a little teething ring for a child.

I can see what it is. 'Uh-oh.'

Yes. Well, I think... It's a pussy cat, which is animal-related.

But it's hideous. Why is it hideous?

Well, because it just is. I mean, look. Are you going to be difficult all day?

'Try again, Mark!' Look, this is Victorian, nine-carat gold.

'These are opals and moonstones, too. Delightful.'

It's a bit boring, though, isn't it? No! A bit boring?

See, that's practical and useful. What are you going to do with that?

People collect them. Yeah, but you're not going to give that to a child now.

People don't want to collect them for children, they want to collect them for their cabinet.

I like something that has a point to it. Yeah, I know.

I'm rapidly beginning to think, "What is the point of this?"

'The point is to make a profit.'

You want my honest opinion? 'Brace yourselves.'

It's OK. It's in its original box.

'OK is pretty close to agreement for these two.

'They decide to put the brooch to one side and head next door.'

See you in a minute, Rachel. I've got a couple of possibilities.

Gosh, you are difficult! 'Perhaps Michael's Antiques has the perfect lot for this pair.'

Hello! Ooh, I'm liking this. Hello.

Are you liking this? I'm liking the look of this.

I love these! Do you? Oh, they're great!

Do you want me to switch one on for you? Yeah! Let's have a bit of music!

Does it work? Yeah, but I can't tune it in.

There's a little bit of string on there... That's no good, then!

No, you can have it restrung, it's only a rubber band, and cos they dry out, they snap.

I don't like that one so much, but I like that one.

There's a brother to that one. There's another one over there.

Oh, yeah. They're cool, aren't they?

A bit trendy. Bakelite. Well, it looks like a toaster.

SHE LAUGHS They were all designed in the 30s, it's all Art Deco.

Yeah. Art Deco's quite in, isn't it?

'Mark's curious about the provenance of the radios.'

Who made this? The make is on the front there, KB.

KB. That's well-known.

Who are they, then? You don't know. Er...

You don't know who they are!

SHE LAUGHS Who's KB? It was to do with Russia.

Yeah, the KBG.

HE LAUGHS KGB that is, you silly man.

Kolster-Brandes Ltd.

'Definitely not KGB.

'Kolster-Brandes made hundreds of thousands of radios

'in the late 20s and 1930s at its plant in Kent

'and supplied communications equipment for the ocean liner Queen Mary.

'Michaela prefers the toaster lookalike.' It's Bakelite, similar to rosewood.

But it would come up lovely.

They're broken. No, they're not.

Well, yeah. What they do with these now,

they keep all that, they take all the gubbins out and put a new one in.

'For once, Michaela and Mark both like the same thing,

'but a purchase boils down to price.'

What would you do the two for, if we bought the two of them?

?50. Oh, that's too much.

No. Cos think about putting it into auction.

Can we say 30, Michael? No, we can't.

35 and that's my limit.

Michaela, come on, smile.

35, that sounds great. Oh, Michaela!

SHE LAUGHS

'Not quite the haggling Mark was looking for,

'but with the radios reduced from ?50 to ?35, it's a good price.

'On the other side of Bristol, Martin and James have arrived at Odds And Todds, run by Jay Smith.'

Oh, penny farthing! Yeah.

Morning. Morning. James.

I'm Jay. Jay, hi. Good to meet you.

We want some bargains. Oh, do you? Yes.

Some beautiful, wonderful bargains we can take to auction. I'm sure you'll find them here.

'There's a shop full of house clearance to choose from

'and ?315 to spend.

'Our transportless twosome home in on a ladies' bicycle from the early 1900s.

'In those days, they gave women far more mobility and independence than they'd had before.

'But James is focused on present-day possibilities.'

So what could you do on something like that?

Erm, I could go for 200 quid, but that'd be about the death on that.

It's very clean. It's quite clean, isn't it?

It's a nice look to it. Yeah.

It's a nice example. All you've got to do is pump those tyres up and you can ride it.

Really? I think it's got to be 120.

HE LAUGHS Hasn't it?

'Martin joins the pursuit.'

But the front mudguard's disappeared. What's happened to that? It stops by the stirrup.

Do you see? Yeah.

You can't ring up your local Raleigh dealer and say, "I want a front mudguard for a 1907 bike".

You'll have to help us a little bit, mate.

Go on, help us out. A little bit. I'm helping as much as I can.

150, we could... No.

I don't like to be that hard, but I do on this one, I'm afraid.

Erm, I'll kind of meet you somewhere in the middle-ish

and do it for 180, but that is it.

Jake, what about if we bought a couple of other little things?

We might do a little package. Shall we come back to you then? 'Smart move.'

A couple of other things, yeah. We'll see if we can work with it.

'James has spotted a magazine rack, or Canterbury.'

It's lovely 60s. It is the 60s. 60s, 70s. I'll tell you who likes all this stuff, Mark.

Does he? His shop in Brighton is full of all this sort of 60s, quirky...

This mid-century modern is quite cool. Oh!

Right, we need a package. I like that. That's interesting.

Oh, taking it with him! I'm taking it with me.

Just make sure nobody else gets it. Yeah. You never know. Mm.

These Bristol people. 'Martin has another idea for making a killing.'

James, I have seen something. Oh, right, OK.

It's not antique, but it is slightly interesting. Hang on a minute.

Go on. Up you go.

You can't keep a good man down. What on earth is that?

This is in good nick. This is a bird box. Yeah.

It's made of woodcrete, it's very, very strong. Woodcrete?

'Woodcrete is a mix of sawdust, clay and concrete.'

And why you need it is that woodpeckers will come along, this is the size for a blue tit,

and in a normal bird box, they can bash it open and get the chicks out.

So these are super solid, these. Oh, really?

It's sort of, it's top...

It doesn't look great, but as far as bird boxes go, this is top of the range.

This is the Rolls Royce. I've got two of these in my garden and I paid 30 quid for them.

What, each? Each one, yeah.

'There's no price tag, but the bird box might help make up a package.'

Honestly, these are very expensive little items, these.

It's good. It's got style. I like it.

Because he might not know what it is. Yeah.

Let's see if he'll give it to us for a quid, OK? OK.

Yeah, it's rather nice, that.

'Martin and James want a closer look at the bike before striking a deal.'

It's pretty good, isn't it? I love the riding position. Do the brakes work at all?

Oh, they do a little bit. Do they? Yeah, they do, actually. That's pretty good.

What, slightly better than the Citroen? THEY LAUGH

That's a little bit wobbly, but...

But it's a shame there's no maker's mark on it.

It does look like an Edwardian frame, doesn't it?

It does, doesn't it? You can imagine a suffragette on that, can't you?

You can, easily, with her petticoats flying in the wind.

'The rear tyre's had it.

'So at ?180, James thinks the price for the bike is inflated.

'With the Canterbury and bird box now included in the package, he tries again.'

I think the fair thing, Jay, is 170. Oh, he's off now!

I can't believe it! A tenner for the wheel.

Go on, mate! No. That's it. 170?

It's 180. You know we want it. I think 170, don't you, Martin?

It's nice. I like it. It is a massive risk. Come on, Jay.

Yeah, 170, mate. No, it's 180. OK.

Oh, he's firm, isn't he? He's firm. He's gone to the death.

That is the death. That is the death now, look.

OK. I mean, you've got a lovely magazine rack.

It's not that lovely, mate, let's be honest.

'Jay's set on ?180, so the deal is done at ?160 for the bike

'and a tenner each for the magazine Canterbury and bird box.'

We've got five things. That is a sleeper. It's going to make us money, that.

You've got a lingo, you have. Is that what it is? A sleeper? Yes.

That's the same in motorbikes! Is it? That's a sleeper, that. That's a sleeper.

Sleeper in the auction. We're in shipshape and Bristol fashion.

I think we are. Let's go to auction. Oh, I nearly knocked that over!

'Michaela and Mark are still in Michael's shop.

'But the animals antiques theme seems long forgotten.'

Is that an organ? Yes. Oh, wow, now you're talking!

How much is that? Can you give us that for 35?

Yes. You can have that for 35.

Oh, but look how cool that is. Oh, Michaela!

What do you mean? This is brilliant!

SHE PLAYS CHORDS Oh, yeah! How much is this? ?35.

35? We'll take it.

'The organ is from the Edwardian period.

'And Michael believes it's all original.'

Mind yourself. I want to go to a good home.

Well, I mean, ?35. Yeah!

Yeah, done deal. Deal? Yep. OK. Lovely doing business with you.

If you could wrap it up, that'd be great. THEY LAUGH

'At ?35, Michaela's sealed the deal.'

I'm loving it!

'All fired up, they return to Rachel's shop next door

'to reconsider the brooch.'

It's got that nice old look on the gold, as well, doesn't it?

You know, that mellow look. I must say, when you put it against my thing, it looks quite pretty.

And I do think it's quite fun.

What would be your best on that? I could do it for 80, but that is absolutely the bottom line.

Would you talk to us again if we come back? I'm not sure.

Of course I will. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Grab the box. I'll get the box. Bye, Rachel. Thank you. Bye!

'Martin and James have been spared the indignity of the bicycle made for one

'thanks to a speedy repair to the 2CV.

'And they're forsaking Bristol for the Somerset resort of Weston-super-Mare.

'It's home to a golden sandy beach,

'a pier, and occasionally visits from mods.

'In some seaside towns in the 60s,

'rival scooter-riding mods and motorbiking rockers came to blows.

'So as a biker, Martin's about to walk into enemy territory.'

Right! Let's have it! Come on!

You're a mod, aren't you? No, I'm not, actually. Aren't you? I was a rocker.

Well, I'm a biker. But anyway, this looks fantastic. Sorry, James. I had to get it in there.

Yeah, get in there. Just in case. Hello, Stuart.

Hi, I'm Martin. Martin. Sorry about that.

This is the Lambretta Museum. Look at this. It's epic, isn't it?

'Stuart Lanning's collection of Lambretta scooters

'is mod heaven, but alien to Martin.

'The collection of Lambrettas ranges from the 1940s to the 1980s

'and there's a host of related memorabilia, too.'

What a treasure trove this is.

Ooh! I've not seen anything like this before.

Well, this is where it all began. This is the first Lambretta, the Model A.

Erm, produced 1947.

'This is the oldest scooter in the collection.

'Its looks are a clue to its origins

'at the Italian manufacturer Innocenti.'

So it looks like a bit of chair or something, doesn't it? That chrome bit.

Well, Innocenti originally were a manufacturer of scaffolding.

Literally, scaffolding that you get... Scaffolding.

In the olden days, in the 30s, especially in the 30s, scaffolds were made of wood.

So he actually invented, helped invent making scaffolding out of metal.

So he produced the clamps, the scaffolding, had many contracts around Italy.

And then the Second World War happened and the factory went into producing bombs and bullets.

'After the war, the company spotted a market for low-cost transport

'and started making scooters.'

Were they highly successful? Did they sell?

Once again, it's starting off a business, isn't it?

So I think they only did a few thousand of these,

but as we go through the production, they started to go to 50,000, 60,000 on each model. Really? It took off.

'Over the years, Lambrettas evolved gradually through many different models,

'but all offering their owners style and freedom.'

To us, when we were younger, these were a cheap form of transport.

You could buy a Lambretta, 15 quid, off some old bloke out of the shed,

do it all up, get on the road, go off to Brighton, go off to Scarborough. It was escape. Yeah.

Start that bike and I could go anywhere in the country I wanted to.

Preferably with a girl on the back. Of course, yeah. JAMES LAUGHS

That never happened. But I dreamt it might happen, you know?

'In the 1960s, scooters became a huge part of mod culture.'

Look at that! Well, the great Quadrophenia.

Yeah, this is what they used to do to individualise their scooters.

Put lights, mirrors on them.

It's absolute bobbins, isn't it? HE LAUGHS

'That's not a compliment! But then he's a biker.

'The company continued to produce futuristic scooter designs into the 1970s.

'Then its fortunes gradually faded.

'But it's left an enjoyable legacy for long-time enthusiasts

'and possibly one new convert.'

That doesn't look like a scooter at all, but that's a Lambretta still?

Yep, it's a... Well, they call them Lambros. OK?

Lambros? Yeah, Lambros. Lambros. This is an FDC.

It's 175cc. Is that all? Yeah.

That's all. That's a big old unit, isn't it, for one?

And this is a very rare machine.

We think maybe five or six were made.

But as far as we know, this is the only example left.

Wow! Can I sit in? Yeah, of course you can.

This is a real tuc-tuc, isn't it? It's a tuc-tuc. It is.

Shall I take the back? Yeah, in you go, mate.

Right, take me... Where do you want to go, sir?

I want to go to Bristol.

'They'll make slow progress in that.

'Michaela and Mark are eating up the miles en route to their final shopping stop

'in the village of Ston Easton in Somerset.

'Along the way, Mark's keen to know more about what it's like working with animals.'

Do you get emotionally attached to them?

For example, if you've been watching a nest box for several weeks

and then something happens to the mother bird or the chicks,

do you feel emotional? Does that affect you at all?

Of course! Of course it affects me! I am...

It must do, mustn't it? Do you know, I was once labelled as being the emotional belly of wildlife telly.

Oh, my gosh! THEY LAUGH

I'm not sure I'd ever be described as the emotional underbelly of antiques telly.

'If they can keep their emotions in check,

'these two might spend some of their remaining ?240

'at the Somerset shop and reclamation yard.'

We're looking for something small and decorative.

Yeah. Not a deer, Michaela. Oh, come on! We want our wildlife.

Although I'm sure it'll be inexpensive. That is heavy. ?650?

OK, well, that's over our budget. 'That's a dear deer!'

'Perhaps Michaela and Mark can find something cheaper with help from John.

'There's stock here ranging from the weird and wonderful to piano accordions.'

Oh, look at this! No, I won't! No, seriously.

No, I don't want to look. You've got to look, actually.

'Mark's no match for an insistent Michaela.'

It sticks to our musical theme. I've heard so much... Oh, Michaela, no!

Why not? No! That's got to be old.

It's hideous! It's 50s.

'The ticket price is ?55, but even at 55p, Mark would resist.'

Michaela, I hate it. I absolutely hate it with a vengeance.

Well, as you told me, you don't have to like it, you're not buying it.

Yeah, but I don't want to buy it, it's horrid. SHE LAUGHS

It's so tacky. 55 quid, that's OK.

It's so tacky. I'm sorry.

Well, just because you don't... People play those.

They don't play them! Go on, have a go.

No! It's hideous! I'm going to have a go. I don't want to even physically touch it.

'Could a serenade persuade?' Because it's a bit hideous.

SHE PLAYS CHORDS Oh, no, come on, this is just brilliant! No!

I'm not buying it. No, I won't let you buy it.

SHE PLAYS CHORDS I'm not listening.

SHE PLAYS ACCORDION

No. No. No. No.

'After more argy-bargy and tuneless music, Mark comes clean.'

We used to have one at home when I was a child. Can you play it? No.

But my father used to try to play it at Christmas and it drove my brother and I mad.

You can't let a personal memory spoil a possible profit.

I... SHE LAUGHS

That's right, yes. The potential could be massive on that one.

Oh! That is going to absolutely...

That will never hit the right note as far as I'm concerned.

Go on, I'll do it for 37. No, 35.

35. I'll chip in ?2.

36 and that's my final offer.

?36.

I've got 37 written on there. 36, come on. Come on, 37, we want to go.

37, right, there we go.

'It's Michaela's for ?37. Mark, be gracious in defeat.'

I cannot believe we're going to reveal with a piano accordion.

Do they do a major key? No, I'm not listening, Michaela.

I can't bear the sound of it.

'There comes a time in every man's life when he goes to a reveal with a piano accordion.

'This is your time, Mark.

'The beach at Weston-super-Mare is where the teams reveal all.'

Oh, that's fab! That is kind of a Mary Poppins style...

I love it! How much did you buy that for?

We bought that for 160 quid.

Did you really? We did, yeah. 160 quid.

That's quite a lot. Have you painted it recently?

It's been restored. It has had some work on it.

I think it's really nice but I think you probably spent a bit too much on it. Do you?

What else have you bought?

Look at that. Look at that. Oh, my good Lord!

We thought ours was bad! SHE LAUGHS

Look at that. They're becoming very popular now.

Who told you that? Who told you that? Did James Braxton tell you that?

Yeah. Yeah, he told me that. I thought he would. On trend. On trend. They're trending.

Michaela, I want to ask you about this. Yeah? It looks a bit rough, doesn't it?

Where do you think and why do you think that was carved?

Do you want a clue? Yeah. Go on, give me a clue.

Think of the war. Think of the wall? Oh, it's a light switch.

The war! The war! Not the wall!

'Oops, easy mistake.' SHE LAUGHS

That, apparently, was probably carved in the trenches in the First World War by a soldier down there.

And I love your trombone or whatever it is.

Tuba. Tuba. Tuba.

Well, it's been under the ground a long time, looking at the condition. I know.

This is... I'll show you. Oh, no, please, don't.

Look, look, see that? That's sweet. It's a nest box. It's woodcrete.

That's our sleeper. That's good. That's good.

Yeah, that really is a sleeper. That is... THEY LAUGH

If there's somebody there who knows anything about bird boxes, we'll make a killing.

'Maybe, but you have serious opposition.'

Do you want to see ours? Come on. That's going to make us some money. Shall I go this end?

Yeah. And you can do that end. Ready? Ready?

Dear, oh, dear. THEY LAUGH

OK. We'll start with this one. We'll start with this one.

Oh, what? Michaela! That's just a bit of fun.

Isn't that a wonderful companion set?

That's quirky. It is. That is quirky.

'If you think that's quirky, just wait.'

This is the thing Michaela wanted, and I hate, absolutely hate. Isn't it brilliant?

Here it comes. She... Piano accordion.

I've got to give you a little demonstration of it. Oh, please, don't.

Because, honestly... Please, don't. Please do!

Please do! Go on, Michaela. Go on, go on. 'Yes, go on!'

SHE PLAYS CHORD Oh! Sing!

Not to that, I can't! THEY HOWL

'Worth the wait?'

Honestly, he was so upset that I bought it, but I think it's really cool. I was livid.

Cos this, this is lovely. This is my choice.

Oh, lovely! Look at that gold. Gold?

Opals. Opals. And moonstones. That's lovely!

Victorian. Victorian. That really is lovely. That's nice, isn't it? Isn't that stunning, James?

We do have one other item but we didn't bring it with us.

Yes. It was too big. Too big? Yes.

It's about this big. Yeah. At least, and about this tall.

And it's an organ. An organ? You bought an organ?

For ?35! 35 quid. THEY LAUGH

And it works. Really?

And do you have to pedal it? Yeah, it's a pedal one.

It is a pretty rum old lot we've bought, isn't it? Well, both of us.

That's going to fly. Really? Yes!

Hang on, stop crossing your fingers. # Good luck tomorrow #

Oh! Let's go to auction! THEY LAUGH

Lovely. May the best man/woman win.

'Time to be honest, or in this case, even more honest.'

Accordion?

And as for the thing that they've got, the fire thing, that's shocking. Yeah.

Really, honestly, I'd have been ashamed if I'd made that for O-level Art.

And that hideous magazine rack. Oh, no, that's horrible.

That's nothing, I promise you, nothing to do with the 70s. And the tuba?

Yeah, well, the less said the better, really.

Tuba's great. It's going to make us money. Tuba's great.

The woodcrete sleeper. That's our sleeper, yeah.

The bike is great fun... I like the bike. ..but ?160? I know.

I mean, how much of it is actually genuine?

The only thing I'm a tiny bit worried about is their bit of jewellery is rather nice.

Yeah, but ?80. 80 quid. And remember, it's still a bar brooch. Who wears bar brooches?

The main thing is, have we had a fantastic time?

We had a laugh. Thank you so much. It's a pleasure.

Put it there, Chief! Well done! Well done!

'So, is it well done? Time to see.

'Our teams submit their choices to the scrutiny of the West Country's finest

'at an auction in Frome in Somerset.

'En route to the sale, Michaela develops pre-auction jitters.'

You know when you're in the excitement of it, and you buy all this stuff and you think it's great,

and then you have dinner and you think about it properly,

you think, "Oh, my goodness, what have we bought?"

'James has the jitters, too, especially about the bike.'

I need a Tour de France cyclist.

Not to buy that bike you don't, James,

because any Tour de France cyclist is not going to get on that. No.

I don't see many Tour de France riders wearing Edwardian skirts.

'True. Perhaps the bike will find a less Lycra-clad bidder

'at Dore Rees Auction Salerooms.

'They started up in 1868 and they're still going strong

'with fortnightly sales.'

Careful.

Morning. Hello.

Oh, gosh!

A bit nervous now. Oh, I'm terrified. I'm absolutely terrified.

It's a lovely machine, isn't it?

You see, while we were doing that, the French were busily doing this.

Draw your own conclusions. THEY LAUGH

I've got a feeling our organ might not go.

Let's put a brave face on it. OK, come on, let's go in. Be positive.

'But is the auctioneer feeling positive?

'The man on the rostrum today is Mark Rees.'

One which is quite nice is the opal and moonstone brooch.

Nine-carat gold, should sell quite well, should appeal to the ladies.

That would be the one item I'd run off with first.

The magazine rack, well, that could come in at the bottom end of the retro market

or even stroke a note with the gothic market.

The companion set, that seems quite a bit of fun that should appeal to somebody.

The ladies' vintage bike should do fairly well.

But as to a record-breaking price,

then I don't think we'll be getting there today.

'Michaela and Mark spent as much time bickering as buying,

'but eventually used ?197 of their ?400 budget

'to buy five lots.

'Martin and James were more attuned to each other

'and handed over a total of ?265 for their five lots.

'Profits go to Children In Need. And do I sense tension in the air?'

How are you feeling? Confident? MICHAELA LAUGHS

'First up is Michaela and Mark's companion set.

'Will their investment go up in smoke?'

Imagine it's winter with the logs burning away

in the inglenook fireplace.

No-one's bidding. 20. 20 I have.

20? We've doubled our money.

Wrought iron companion set there.

22 I have here. Ooh, it's going up.

24. 26. I was set for 20.

It's going to be sold at ?26. I can't believe it!

Being sold at 26. HAMMER BANGS

'It may look quirky but it's paid off handsomely.'

That's not bad, is it? Well done!

'Martin and James's first lot is the nest box

'and they have high hopes of a nest egg.'

2 I've been bid. 2. 4 now if you want it for the little bird box.

4 now. 4. 6.

8. 10.

12 now if you want it. Go on! Little bird box there.

It's going to be sold at 10. You can say where you've bought it from.

Keep going. 12. Oh, well done. 14 now?

Think of the poor blue tits. It's going to be sold at ?12 now.

You need a pair. All done? HAMMER BANGS

'It's made money. Well, just about.'

Yo! Well, yeah. You've wiped your face, I think.

Yeah. Licked our chops. THEY LAUGH

'The next lot sees an outbreak of solidarity on team Strachan.'

I have to admit, this is nothing to do with me.

You told me to get it! I did not!

20 I've been bid here.

22 now if you want it for the accordion and case there.

22. 24. 26.

28. 30 now if you want it.

It's going to be sold at ?28. At 28.

HAMMER BANGS

'Michaela's choice is definitely a little off-key

'but it's not a disaster.'

Somebody bought it. But that could've been worse.

'Martin and James's trench art photograph frame is next.'

10. 12. 14.

16. 18. Oh, my goodness! 20. No way!

22 now if you want it. 24.

26. 28. 30.

32 now. Ohh.

All done at 30? HAMMER BANGS

'And a solid profit puts them ahead of the opposition.'

Congratulations. Well done. Well done! ?10 profit. ?10 profit.

'Michaela and Mark hope their pair of vintage radios

'will get a good reception.' 10 I have. 12 now if you want them.

12. Yeah, up, up. 14. 16.

You've got to go a long way now! 20.

22.

24. 26. 28.

30. 32 now if you want them.

Going to be sold at ?30. Oh, come on!

HAMMER BANGS 'The bidders aren't turned on

'or tuned in. It's a loss.'

Oh, I'm sad, cos they... SHE LAUGHS

I thought they were going to make a bit more, I have to say. I did, too.

'Next up, it's Martin and James's much-mocked Canterbury.

'Will they have the last laugh?'

10 then, quickly. ?10. Hands all around.

2, we've started. 4 now if you want it. 4 I'm bid.

6 now if you want it. 6. 8.

10. 12.

14 now? Go on!

It's going to be sold at ?12, then. On the top at ?12.

HAMMER BANGS Thank you very much.

'Much-mocked but money-making nonetheless.'

Do you know, we haven't dropped yet. Yes, all right!

I'm getting competitive. Have you? Oh, you have!

Twice. Yes, we have, twice.

'Perhaps the opal and moonstone brooch will get things back on track

'for Michaela and Mark.' 40, we're away here.

45 now if you want it. 45. 50 now if you want it.

The nine-carat gold brooch. Oh, come on! 50.

55. 60. 65.

70 I have. 75. 80.

85. Ohh! 90.

95 now?

Commission bid at 90. HAMMER BANGS

'It's pretty, it's profitable

'and it puts Team Strachan back into play.

'The tuba's next.

'Did Martin and James invest wisely or were they full of wind?'

Come on, sea of hands. 12 I've been bid.

14. 16 now if you want it for the plated tuba there.

16. 18.

20. 22.

24 now?

It's going to be sold at ?22 then. All done at 22? No.

You can see the joy on their face. HAMMER BANGS

'A good deal for someone, although not for their neighbours.'

Oh, dear. Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

It's the organ now and an impromptu performance to woo the bidders.'

It's ever so nice. It works really nicely.

I know! This is my second challenge of the day! There it is.

THEY LAUGH She's pulling all the stops out.

?10 then, quickly. 10.

Thank you. 12 now if you want it.

12 I have. Competition now.

14. 14 on a nod.

16. It reminds me of Sunday school. 18. 20 now?

18 I have. 20 now if you want it.

It's going to be sold at 18. HAMMER BANGS

'Sadly, all the stops just aren't enough.'

Well done, Michaela! Well done.

ALL CLAP Lovely. Lovely.

'Martin and James are trailing Michaela and Mark.

'Will their big gamble take them into the lead?'

22. 24.

26. 28.

Yeah, it's a long way to go. We need 100 on it.

34. 36.

38. 40 now if you want it.

It's going to be sold at ?38. At 38. Oh, dear, oh, dear. All done?

HAMMER BANGS Thank you.

'Oh, dear. All hopes punctured after that disappointment.'

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

I could convincingly say I think we've lost that one.

THEY LAUGH 'And you'd be convincingly correct.

'Our celebrities started with ?400 each.

'Initially, Martin and James were the swots,

'but after auction costs, they're bottom of the class

'with a loss of ?171.52,

'leaving them with only ?228.48.'

HAMMER BANGS 'Michaela and Mark made a disparate and at times despairing duo

'but are today's winners, having lost least money.

'With a loss, after costs, of just ?39.56,

'they're left with ?360.44.

'Our gallant losers accept only one team

'can be leader of the pack.'

You know, when bad things happen in life,

you've got to just brace yourself, stand tall and walk forward, not get depressed.

Have we had acres of fun? We have. We have had fun. Fun.

I don't think I've stopped laughing. Well done. Congratulations, winners. Lovely to meet you.

Congratulations. You're coming with me in the car. Thank you

for your help and your humour. And thank you for making me laugh.

Commiserations. Never mind.

We've learnt a bit, Martin. I've learnt a lot now, yeah!

I think we've learnt, basically, to stay with what we're good at.

THEY LAUGH

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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