Benjamin Zephaniah and Roger McGough Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

The nation's favourite celebrities...

-Got some proper bling here.

-..paired up with an expert...

What! What!

..and a classic car.

Get your legs up, girls!

Their mission, to scour Britain for antiques.

-All breakages must be paid for!

-This is a good find, is it not?

The aim, to make the biggest profit at auction.

BANGS GAVEL But it's no easy ride.

Who will find a hidden gem? Who will take the biggest risks?

Got my antiques head on.

Will anybody follow expert advice?

It's horrible!

There will be worthy winners...

This is better than Christmas!

..and valiant losers.

Time to put your pedal to the metal.

This is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip.

Yeah!

Today, we're in the Midlands with two powerhouses of the poetry world,

old pals Benjamin Zephaniah and Roger McGough.

Have you prepared? Have you googled things like...?

No, I haven't done anything like that.

But look, I was thinking about it, what are we going to do,

and I thought... You don't really have to do anything.

-We've got to find something we like, buy them...

-Yeah.

..sell them. I'm going to win, you're going to lose.

-Yeah, I knew that.

-End of programme, that's it!

I'm not competitive really.

Even in running, I used to be quite a good runner,

but my trouble with being a runner, I didn't like overtaking people.

-What?!

-I always thought it a bit rude.

If I was running and someone's coming next to me, I'd say,

"I'll let them win cos obviously, they really want to."

Roger kicked off his career

as a member of the 1960s chart-topping band The Scaffold.

He's the one on the right!

Look at him go!

# Most efficacious in every case... #

-# Oh, Jennifer Eccles... #

-Ha-ha!

Roger's success in the music scene saw him rub shoulders with

cultural icons like Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix and The Beatles.

Now, an award-winning poet, children's author and broadcaster,

Roger was awarded a CBE in 2004 and presents the world's longest

running radio poetry show, Poetry Please, on Radio 4.

Three requests now for the poetry of Stevie Smith,

especially read by Stevie herself.

Although I've known you so long, I don't know what school you

went to, I don't know if you had books at home. I didn't.

I wasn't encouraged to read and, you know, when I suggested to family

members that I really wanted to be a poet, it was, "Get a job, man!"

-You know?

-Yeah.

I remember one of my relatives said,

"Name a writer that you know that's earning money." And I went, "Bill."

She went, "Bill who?" I went, "Bill Shakespeare."

She went, "Him dead long time!

"And you are dead too if you go on with this writing business!"

So, nobody encouraged me really.

Lack of encouragement certainly didn't hold Benjamin back

from becoming a world class writer, musician, political activist

and dub poet.

Not only has he graced The Times' list of top British writers,

but his first children's publication went into emergency reprint

to meet demand.

-Benjamin Zephaniah.

-CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

Be nice to your turkeys this Christmas

Because turkeys just wanna have fun

Turkeys are cool and turkeys are wicked

-And every turkey has a mum.

-LAUGHTER

Not just a celebrated poet,

Benjamin is also a fierce campaigner for both human and animal rights.

And is an ambassador of the Vegan Society.

On this trip, our pair of poets are taking to the open

road in this classy 1978 Rolls Royce Silver Shadow.

I love classic cars. I go to classic car shows, just to look at cars.

I watch the programmes. I made my own car.

Made your own car?

Yeah, I took a chassis from an old Triumph and just rebuilt it.

Not in a typical Triumph way.

I put a faster engine in it, I upgraded it,

-I put Ferrari bits in it, so it's a hybrid.

-Really?

If cars could have children, you'd have a car like mine.

I call it a mixed race car.

Guiding our celebrities are two expert auctioneers,

Natasha Raskin and Philip Serrell.

They're driving a Ford Zodiac, manufactured in 1960,

before seatbelts were mandatory.

Who are we going to work with today then?

I sort of have a preference, in a way, I've got to tell you that.

-You have a preference? OK, hit me.

-Well, sort of.

Well, Roger, see...

-He was in Scaffold and I used to love Lily The Pink.

-What's Scaffold?

What?!

-What about you and Benjamin?

-Oh, I'm a bit of a Benjamin Zephaniah fan.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-I am.

Cos he's so expressive and he's so emotive and if you ever watch him

on television, he just says exactly what he thinks and he's so...

Yet in such a polite way.

He's never rude or abrasive, but he can be controversial.

Oh, I'm excited!

Glad to hear it!

Once paired up, our teams will hit the road with £400 each,

starting their journey in Kettering, Northamptonshire.

They'll shop around the Midlands,

before finishing up at an auction in Leicester.

Oh, wow! This is amazing!

Look at that!

-Hello.

-Just like that.

You must be Phil, hello.

-Hello, good morning.

-How are you? Roger, good to see you.

Good to see you.

-It's so lovely to meet you.

-Lovely to meet you!

You are great!

You're Philip, how are you, my friend? Good to see you.

-Oh, do I get a kiss now?

-I'm Tasha.

-Lovely to see you.

-Nice to meet you, how are you?

-Very well.

I hang out in Rollers all the time, you know(!)

It is the only way to travel, isn't it?

We'd better go and buy something, hadn't we?

-I know. We've already decided who we want to go with.

-Yes?

-I've poached you.

-Yes!

-Phil's poached Roger.

-Yes!

-Sorry-sorry Phil.

-No, no, no. Well, we'd better go, hadn't we?

-OK.

-Yeah.

Time to hit the road, chaps.

-Do you want to drive?

-Enjoy yourself, mate.

-I will try my best. You too.

And it is only antiques.

Yeah, it's only a game.

-I'll get you, Roger McGough.

-TASHA LAUGHS

And they're off.

Roger and Philip are making their way to Higham Ferrers.

Have you never been a driver?

No, never have. Never had the, er...

Never wanted to, really.

What's funny is so many poets don't drive.

-So I did write a poem...

-Ah!

-..as is my wont...

-Am I going to hear it?

-You may, if you're good.

If you promise to be good. ..about why I don't drive.

It is called Repelled By Metal.

-You won't like it.

-No, I will, I will, I will.

"I don't drive I'm afraid.

"Never had the inclination or the need.

"Being anti-magnetic,

"I'm repelled by metal and unimpressed by speed.

"Nor am I being holier than thou.

"Thou is a godsend to be candid

"You with the car and the welcoming smile

"Without your lift I'd be stranded.

"It's not that I dislike cars

"Though noisy and dangerous I dare say

"Money eaters and poison excreters, OK

"For I don't dislike cars, per se

"It's just that I know my limitations.

"I'd be all thumbs behind a wheel.

"Don't laugh.

"Could you park a poem in a space this small?

"Well, that's how I feel."

What a great way to kick off the trip.

-So, here we go.

-Here we go.

The shop is somewhere around here, isn't it?

Antiques rookie, Roger, and old pro, Phil,

have arrived at Higham Antiques.

How will Roger cope in the world of antiques?

-We need a plan, don't we, really?

-OK.

-So, we've got this amount of money to spend...

-Yeah.

-How many things should we buy, do you think?

-Don't know.

I mean, I think this is a good shop, there's good things in here.

So I think the answer is, it would be nice to try and buy two,

and if we could buy three, that would be better still.

OK.

Best get searching, then.

And it looks like Phil's beady eye has already spotted something.

You don't need to open this to know what this is.

This dates... This is 18th-century, it is Georgian, mahogany.

This is boxwood and inside,

there will be a load of either holes for putting cutlery in,

cos this is a cutlery box or a knife box,

or what happened to many, many of them

is that the insides are taken out,

and they put divisions in there for stationery boxes.

-I get it, OK.

-So, there you are, look.

But what I love about this is, it's a great social history.

This is Downton Abbey stuff, you know.

This would have come from a very grand house

and this would have sat with its cutlery in there.

Ticket price is £90.

Ten years ago, this was, like, £300.

-And if it was with the original interior, it is over £500.

-Oh.

But today, it is stuff. Who wants stuff?

Your children, my children, they don't buy stuff

cos they don't want this cluttering up their homes.

-It's good for putting stuff in though, isn't it?

-It's a great...

That is one way of looking at it.

Could you write a... Could we write a poem?

-Get out of it!

-What do you think to that?

I like it, you have talked me into that. Yes.

It is light and it's... How much is it worth?

Shall we go and see?

Well, no, what I want us to do is, let's put that on the counter...

-Right.

-..and make a parcel of things. OK?

Don't let anybody buy that, please, before we come back.

Anything else?

-Do you like watches?

-I like, erm...

Could I have a look at that one, please?

-Which one, the Omega?

-Yeah.

Omega. Good make, isn't it?

-It is a good make, isn't it? Omega.

-Yeah.

It doesn't look like my idea of an Omega.

Wrong strap, so it's not gold,

it is stainless and it is priced at £55.

I would think that is probably '50s, early '50s,

-with that stainless steel case.

-OK, yes.

-Do you like that or not?

People buy these, people collect them, do they?

-Yeah, massively. People...

-Do they?

-Yeah.

Do you minding putting it over there, please?

Sounds like the luxury Swiss watch is a possible.

What about this, erm...

It reminds me of what we used to have at home,

but this is probably on the sideboard.

-This is a bachelor's.

-Is it silver? Is it silver something?

-Yeah, it's hallmarked silver.

-Silver.

Very light. Very light. I always think silver's going to be heavy.

The early 20th century Bachelor's Tea Set is priced at £165.

Wow.

A sad thing to say,

but, that is a real yesterday's antique.

It might make...

So you've got to get that at half price if you get it.

-I see.

-But that might be an option. Do you like it?

I think people would like it.

-Shall we put it in the pile?

-Shall we do that then?

Then probably, we can make our decision, shall we? Yeah?

-Do you think it is time to..?

-I think so, yes.

-I'm getting overexcited.

-Really? I could see that.

The collective ticket price is £310 for their three finds.

Dealer Lorraine has offered a hefty discount,

taking the total down to 220.

I know I'm squeezing you here, and I really apologise for doing this,

-but I know the auction we're going to...

-Mm-hm.

-Can I squeeze you to 200 and we'll definitely take them?

-Go on, then.

-Ahh!

-Thank you very, very much, you've been a star.

-You've been ever so helpful, thank you.

-You're welcome.

That's a very generous £110 off the combined ticket price.

Bold buying there, boys!

Meanwhile, Benjamin and Natasha are motoring towards their first

stop of the day, in Northampton.

-You were into Bob Marley...

-Yeah.

And then eventually you got to go on and perform with the Wailers?

That must have been a crazy experience!

Well, what happened, it wasn't actually a performance,

-we did a recording together.

-OK, OK.

Um, I was going to record a single, um,

a tribute to Nelson Mandela, actually.

And this led to an introduction with Mandela, is that correct?

Yes, yeah.

Well, amongst other things,

I had worked in the Anti-Apartheid Movement as well, and so,

when Mandela came out of prison, he asked to meet me.

A great memory! I had a conversation

with him once about the shirts that he'd wear,

-he always wore these bright shirts.

-Quite jazzy!

And he told me it was because when he was in prison,

it was all grey, he didn't see much colour.

And then we were having this conversation and he said,

you know, "Your shirts are a bit bland, Benjamin."

And we had to finish the conversation because his people

had to take him away.

At the unveiling of his statue, I was the MC,

and the first thing he said when he saw me,

this is six years later, "Benjamin, you're still wearing boring shirts!"

I thought, "My gosh! He remembers me and he remembers the conversation!"

Such a great man.

Gosh, what an amazing memory to have!

DOCTOR WHO THEME MUSIC

Ha! We could be transported to another dimension!

-Yes, we could, we might have to be! After you.

-Thank you. Wow!

-This is quite impressive, isn't it?

-It's amazing.

I like the traffic lights.

They've arrived at the Old Bakehouse Antiques Centre, which has

almost 50 traders selling everything from collectables to retro items.

So, what shall we do?

I mean, this looks like it's all

divvied up into little bits and bobs.

Shall we just delve into each little area and see what we can find?

Yeah, let's do that.

Remember, this is the first time I've been anywhere like this,

so, you're really going to have to guide me.

-So, you don't go antiquing?

-No!

Not even when you're in China and all these places, looking around...?

No, I see some things in markets and I think they're really

interesting, but, um, I don't take time out to go in and look around.

-OK! Well, let's do it.

-They are off!

-After you, let's go in here.

-OK.

-There is a Hoover there with your name on it!

-Ha-ha!

-You want me to do the hoovering?

-Yes, please, if you wouldn't mind!

A plethora to choose from in here!

-I'm out to get Roger McGough, this is important to me.

-All right!

-It's important to you, is it?

-Yes.

-Oh, but Benjamin, it's just a game!

-No!

-No?

Sounds like Benjamin means business! Ooh, what have you spotted?

-What about the scales?

-The scales are quite good fun.

I think they come under this title of kitchenalia, which is

the worst title of all time! But people are quite into that.

-OK, shall we have a closer look?

-OK.

-Here we go.

So, I mean, we've got weigh chart, the presence of the purchaser...

OK, so these are shop scales, actually.

Right, I do remember these, this type of scale,

in fact I remember that name when I was a kid.

You know, the local shopkeepers had scales like this, with the weights.

-OK, I can see the price, I don't think you could see it.

-No.

-So, tell me what you reckon it's worth.

-Um...

-£60?

-60?

-Well, £50 is the price tag, which is all right.

-Ah!

I think that's a really nice spot.

Time to call in the dealer, perhaps.

Oh, hang on, Natasha's onto something.

Oops! Well, here we are.

We've got an Audiotronic... I mean,

I don't know anything about anything, but you must have

had something like this, for sort of recording your early poetry.

-I did, something quite similar.

-Yeah?

I mean, that looks pretty retro to me.

What I love about it, Benjamin, it's already just a tenner,

so, I really enjoy that, look, there's £10,

I reckon you could easily get £10 back for this at auction.

There might not be a lot of profit in it,

you could maybe even get £20 or £30 for it.

So, I don't know about you, but I like it and I think you like it too.

I want it.

What I like is that this is also from the same dealer as the scales.

So, together, ticket price is 60, if we can get the whole lot

for maybe 40, then we can divvy it up and we can try

-and make ourselves a wee profit.

-Yeah!

I mean, we could try half price, there is no harm in that, but...

-I love what you're saying! Yes!

-You like it?

-Then when it all goes wrong, we can listen to Ultravox!

-Ultravox!

Come on, this is... This is a find, this is an absolute find.

OK, I'm going to pop it in. I'm glad you like it. Oof!

-Ohh! OK.

-I smell a deal coming!

You smell a deal? Oh, good!

With a combined ticket price of £60,

is there a deal to be done with Jackie?

So, obviously we want to get them at the best price possible.

Benjamin has sort of taken my advice on the fact that we think

the cassette deck is, you know, it's only ten quid in the first instance,

it would be quite good to shave some off, but that's a kind of safe bet.

But the scales are a little bit tricky, because I reckon

the auction estimate will probably be £20-£40 or so, I reckon.

So, we're trying to do a kind of bulk buying deal,

-thinking about it anyway!

-Yes.

-What were you thinking of offering?

-Well, could we have, like, both for 30?

-Yup.

-Yes!

-Nice and simple, isn't it?

-I'm in love with you!

Because that's the figure I had in my head when you were talking!

Really? That's great, Jackie, thank you very much.

First two lots bought for £30, hurrah!

NATASHA WHOOPS AND SQUEALS

She's positively giddy, that girl!

I can't keep up!

Taking a break from shopping,

Roger and Philip have come to Paulerspury,

where they are off to learn more about one half of the great duo

behind the car that they are driving.

Sir Henry Royce was a modest genius and a passionate engineer,

who went on to invent an aeroplane engine

which changed the face of British history.

To tell them more about the great man behind the machine is

the director of the Henry Royce Foundation, Philip Hall.

I have this idea, Philip, that Rolls-Royce...

that Rolls was the businessman

and the sort of money behind the whole concept, and Royce was

the engineer, the creative one, is there any truth in that?

Well, it was certainly a perfect combination,

but they were both a bit of each.

Rolls himself, a pioneer motorist, was very much a perfectionist,

and Royce was no fool as a businessman, he created

his own company long before he started building motorcars,

-at the age of 40.

-And what was he doing before cars?

Well, his first job, he was selling newspapers for WH Smith.

-Oh!

-Then, he became a GPO, General Post Office telegram boy, and then

he was an apprentice to the Great Northern Railway in Peterborough.

So, engineering was in his blood.

How did they meet one another?

In 1903, Royce decided he would move into the motorcar market,

so, he built three prototype cars, Royce cars.

Meanwhile, the Honourable Charles Rolls was selling motorcars,

all imported from Europe, because Rolls didn't think there was

a British car good enough for his own exacting standards.

The two were soon introduced and they founded their now famous company.

Producing motorcars with superior engineering quality,

they quickly became known for making the best cars in the world.

Everybody associates the car with the emblem, the Spirit of Ecstasy

by Charles Sykes on the bonnet, but how did that come about?

In the Edwardian days,

many motorists were fitting sort of rather trashy mascots to their cars.

Now, Rolls-Royce thought, well, perhaps if we provide them

with a nice mascot, they'll use that.

So, they commissioned the sculptor Charles Sykes to design

a mascot for the Rolls-Royce car

and he came up with what is now known as the Spirit of Ecstasy.

-Quite saucy!

-Absolutely right, yeah!

The outbreak of the First World War saw the company

enter into the aviation business, designing engines for planes.

Royce always strove to create the best of the best

and years later, he designed the ground-breaking Merlin engine.

Royce sadly died in 1933 without ever seeing the difference

it would make to the world.

Rolls-Royce's Merlin engine powered pretty well all the Allied aircraft.

-Spitfires, Lancasters, Hurricanes...

-Yes, all of them.

And I think historians are agreed that

if it hadn't been for the Merlin engine, the outcome

of the Second World War could have been very, very different indeed.

# There's no need to take cover

# When you hear these engines sound

# British planes are in the skyways

# On their daily vigil bound... #

If you could sum up his legacy in a short sentence, what would it be?

His legacy is perhaps the greatest name in engineering in the world.

Rolls-Royce.

People think of it as motorcars, but in the aviation industry,

of course, it is perhaps the most famous name in the world.

Benjamin and Natasha are back on the road

and have made their way to Weedon Bec in Northamptonshire.

They are heading for Shires Antiques.

Right, Benjamin, we've got money to burn here.

-£400 and we've only spent 30.

-And whose fault is that?

-Your negotiating was too good!

-It's not a fault!

After you.

-Let's see if we can spend some of this cash.

-Yes!

-Now, this is the real deal!

-The real deal, this is it!

Set over 3,000 square feet,

this place is bursting with potential purchases.

OK, let's have a good old look, because I'm already seeing

-some quite high ticket prices, but remember, we do have some...

-Yeah.

..we've got a good pot, so, we might as well spend some.

Sound advice, Natasha.

It would be nice if we could afford that chaise longue, wouldn't it?

I mean, it's only a mere £800.

-Is anything jumping out at you?

-Yeah, all the prices!

I knew you were going to say that!

There must be something in here for our poet!

That sextant there.

-Oh, right, OK.

-I just like it, I think

it's a beautifully crafted thing, just looking at it.

A sextant was used for navigation back in the day.

Think old-fashioned GPS.

Have you got an interest in marine items in general?

Um, no, I'm actually really scared of the sea!

-You're really scared of the sea?

-I can't swim or anything.

-Do you want to have a look at it out of the cabinet?

-Are we allowed?

I think if we ask nicely, that should be fine.

Better call Alison over, then.

So, first thing we want to do is look for a maker, and there is one.

-And with what do you associate Stanley?

-Knives.

-Knives, yeah.

So, a maker of sort of hardware and things like that.

So, it's Stanley London, so it's a big brand item.

But when we see Stanley, I think we also probably think mass-produced.

So, it's not necessarily the world's most finely produced sextant.

What kind of age do you reckon that would be? Sort of 1930s, '40s?

-That kind of thing?

-I would have thought that was about right.

Yeah, it's not early, early 20th-century,

but we're not talking latter half.

Do you want to have a feel of it, feel the weight of it?

-Just don't drop it, Benjamin!

-I'm really nervous!

What do you see? Do you see a profit, Benjamin?

I see a television audience.

THEY LAUGH

Do they look as terrified as you do?

They're all sitting at home going, "It's that mad poet!"

I do really like it and...

Can we knock the price down a bit?

I mean, I need to...

-The dealer's trade price on that is 45.

-45, OK.

-So a 10% discount.

-I can't see them taking any less.

-I want to take this.

-You want to go for it?

-45?

Yes, that's fine.

Show me your hand. Thank you very much.

Nicely done, everyone.

And that wraps up a perfectly poetic first day of shopping.

Nighty-night, chaps. May all your couplets be rhyming.

The next morning, our celebrities are back on the road

and gearing up for the day ahead.

Have you got a lot to do?

I'd really like to buy something...

as they say in America, a high ticket item.

Something, like, really chunky.

What were you like at bargaining?

Actually... I was very persuasive.

I thought you might have been, actually.

-But I think it was my...

-Charm.

Oh... I mean, I wasn't going to say charm.

-No.

-But, yeah, you're right.

Speaking of charm...

here are your experts.

-Oh, hello.

-How are you?

-Good morning.

-Good to see you again.

-Morning, sir.

-Hello.

-Good morning.

-We'll shake hands.

-Whoa! Got there.

-Roger, I'll blow you a kiss.

-They're nervous, I can see it.

-Do you reckon?

-They're really nervous.

Quite rightly, you should be. You should be nervous.

-We're just going to... steal the march on you.

-OK.

-OK.

-Do you want to continue driving?

-No, you drive.

So far, Roger and Phil have bought three lots...

the mahogany cutlery box, the silver three-piece tea set

and the Omega gentleman's watch,

which leaves them £200 available to spend.

Benjamin and Natasha, meanwhile, have also bought three lots...

the shopkeeper's scales, the tape deck and the brass sextant,

leaving them with £325 to play with.

Back on the road, both teams are heading for Heanor in Derbyshire.

Is it important for you to beat Roger?

Yes.

I mean... I don't hesitate at all to say that.

He's a dear friend and everything but I'm very competitive.

I mean, that's not pressure on me or anything at all(!)

You know, I'm quite happy with that.

Benjamin and Natasha are first to arrive.

Word has it that our competitors are going to join us here,

-did you know that?

-Oh, OK.

-Can you believe that?

-We better get the good stuff before them.

-Actually, that's a good plan.

Go, go, go. Quick!

But that Phil, he always spots something that I miss, I tell you.

-We've got to get in before him.

-You can be my second pair of eyes.

Benjamin has proved to be jolly good at this antique lark so far.

Mind you, blink and you could miss a gem in here, look! Cor!

You know, it's one of these places, isn't it,

where it's just going to be a case of spotting that thing

in the corner, because there's stuff everywhere.

-Everywhere.

-Everywhere!

The competition has arrived.

We'd better catch them up.

But Benjamin and the Tasha are already in the thick of it.

There are a couple that I really like.

The one that I like the most is the one, this sort of

"Wag at the Wall" clock, I think is how you describe it,

-where you can see the pendulum sort of wagging like a tail.

-Right.

But the one underneath it is also really nice, too.

-The black one there?

-Yeah. Very Victorian.

When you looked in that direction,

-I thought you were going to point that one out.

-Oh, really?

I think I'm... I don't know,

I'm not so much into the pomp of the bottom one.

However, what I can appreciate about it is the craftsmanship

that's gone in there.

Slate, black slate, so highly polished and decorated.

It's so lovely. It's a very architectural design obviously,

-doesn't that make you think of the beautiful building?

-Yes.

You're quite keen on that? You like the look of it?

I do like it. Is it damaged or something?

Can you see the white bit at the top right?

Yeah, shall we go and have a closer look?

Maybe it's just a natural colour of the stone or maybe it is a chip.

I'm thinking about this bit here.

Oh, no, it is just part of the mottled sort of marble, isn't it?

-OK.

-I mean, what do you think about it, looking at it close up?

-I really do like it.

-You like it?

-Yes.

It's at 185 just now, ticket price.

So if we can really shave that down to about 120, which is a big ask,

we've got a little bit of hope and we'll have spent a big bit of money.

Right. I think... this is it.

-You think so?

-Yes.

-You're quite keen on it?

-Yes, I am, I really am.

Benjamin is smitten. Dave will reveal how low the clock dealer will go.

I don't want to look. I don't want to look.

Er, he's got trade 20 on this, so that's 165.

SHE GASPS

-Oh...

-Sharp intake of breath, that's pretty normal.

What were you thinking of?

100.

That's... you asked me what I'm thinking of,

that's what I'm thinking of!

-What were you thinking of?

-I was thinking 120.

Because that's the top end of a particularly cruel estimate

that could be placed upon the clock.

Give me five minutes, I'll go and give Peter a ring

-and see where we can go for you.

-Thank you very much.

-Shall we keep looking, then, in those five minutes?

-Yes.

Time is of the essence, I guess. So let's do it.

Fingers crossed, then, fingers crossed.

My fingers, they are well crossed.

Cross your dreads!

That's personal!

What are Philip and Roger up to?

Ah, Phil?

Poetry corner.

Now, Tennyson Street, obviously Tennyson the poet, but...

what I like about this is, when I was...

The part of Liverpool I lived in,

brought up in, Seaforth and Litherland, just when we used to go

into town, we used to pass all of these streets.

It was like the poetry area

because all the streets were named after poets.

There was a Tennyson Street, Wordsworth Street, Dryden Street...

all in Bootle.

And your name?

No, no. Zephaniah Boulevard!

And Tennyson Street, is that...

I love that, just for those reasons.

Well, a lot of these are reproduced,

but if we just look at the back of it... that looks like...

-That's real.

-That's been there, hasn't it?

That looks like it could be a good find, Roger.

Dave, you're needed again.

-Dave?

-Yeah?

-Dear dealer Dave...

I'm a poet, you see?

It's just, there!

We think this is really lovely here and it's an old one, isn't it?

It is, yeah. That's definitely an original.

We love this at sort of 40, £45, if you can do it.

If you can, you can. If you can't, you can't.

After a quick call to the owner, Dave's back with a decision.

Well, he said 50.

I'll go in another tenner and that's as far as I dare go.

-£40?

-£40.

What do you reckon?

-I think so.

-I think so as well.

-Thank you very, very much.

-You are welcome.

-We'll settle for that, shall we?

-What was it, 20?

-30, wasn't it?

-I'm learning!

-Thank you.

-That's it, isn't it?

-I'll take another!

Thank you very much indeed.

£40 seals the deal for the very fitting sign.

Now, what of their rivals?

-Seeing as you love animals so much...

-Yeah?

-..and you love

-children's literature.

-I do.

-You write it.

-I do.

-You love to engage with children.

-What's this building up to?

It's building up to this really wonderful...

-Noah's Ark wooden toy!

-Oh.

Which is just a really nice sort of mid-20th century

sort of 1960s, '70s or so well-loved and used Noah's Ark

on wheels, so you can sort of wheel it along the carpet, and inside,

-if we lift off the roof...

-Oh, wow!

..we've got a whole variety of your friends.

-We've got your elephant friend...

-The lion of Judah.

It doesn't have a price on it.

So I wonder, if we could go and ask and see...

because I think it's actually just really cool.

I think that it's got a lot of nostalgia attached to it

-and, as a children's author, I hope it has some appeal to you, too.

-Yes.

Now, if we can get it for a really nice price, I think it's a good lot

to put our name to, because it's got that animal friendly appeal

and it's got also a little bit of educational appeal to it.

OK, let's find out the price.

Right, Dave, what's the damage for dealer Jane's ark?

We don't know how highly Jane thinks of it, because we can't see a price.

-There's a price.

-So I didn't actually believe that.

-Is that £100?

-Yes.

-What?!

It's £100?!

Is Jane worth giving a wee call?

Er, apart from the fact that she's halfway into the Philippines...

Oh, gee!

Oh. I saw the 100 on it. I genuinely thought that wasn't anything to do.

Because all the other ones have a pound sign in front of them.

And that didn't look like a price to me.

DAVE EXHALES LOUDLY

Biggest discount I've ever given, call it a tenner.

-I think she did miss a decimal point, don't you?

-Call it a tenner.

-Let's go for it.

-Shall we go for it?

-Before he changes his mind.

So, we'll say yes to £10 for that.

-Now, can we have the same discount, please, on the clock!

-Certainly not!

Yes. No!

I can't get hold of Peter. He's not replying.

So, we're at 165, and you wanted to come in where?

120, ideally.

120?

-DAVE CHORTLES

-Er, cor, blimey.

We need this.

We've got to do this deal, Dave. Me and you, we go back some time and...

We're brothers, you know

I like your dreadlocks and everything, man, it's cool.

165, 120.

DAVE TUTS

130.

What do you think?

You've got to have fun, man, show me your hand.

Some gentle persuasion from Benjamin,

and Dave's generosity lands them the ark and the clock.

Nice work.

Having bought all their items for auction,

Natasha has a little treat in store for Benjamin,

and has taken him to Ravenshead.

Benjamin. I thought I'd bring you here today to Newstead Abbey

-which was the ancestral home of Lord Byron.

-I know.

I am so happy.

This is a place I've always wanted to come to,

so I'm so glad you've brought me here.

Heralded by many as one of the greatest British poets,

Lord Byron lived here at Newstead Abbey during his 20s

after inheriting this ancestral home from his uncle.

So, when you say you've always wanted to come here,

have you been on other such journeys?

Well, I was poet in residence at Keats' house in Hampstead

-for a couple of years.

-Oh, wow.

And I've been down to Bournemouth to Mary Shelley's grave.

-She wrote Frankenstein, of course.

-Yes.

And then, Mr Shelley, I've seen parts of his body,

cos he's buried all over the world.

-So, yeah.

-Inspiration?

Yeah. It's kind of part inspiration.

Part just going and seeing where these people worked,

where they lived, where they died.

Although seemingly worlds apart,

there are many similarities between Byron and our Benjamin.

Byron became the darling of the London literary set

in the early 19th century and, arguably, Britain's first celebrity.

200 years later, Benjamin's become one of our most recognised poets

who, like Byron, experienced a rapid rise to fame.

For a while, I was big in Birmingham

-and nobody knew me outside Birmingham.

-Big in Birmingham!

Nice place to be big. Then, I came down to London.

And then I got in with the right crowd of people,

a lot of creative people.

With the term, the alternative, comedy scene, things like that.

And I started to perform there. I remember, when I left Birmingham,

I said to somebody who told me to go, I said,

"The next time you see me, it'll be on television."

And I thought it would take five years or so.

But, within a year or so, I was on television.

One quote I've heard of Byron, which is a great quote,

-is that he was mad, bad and dangerous to know.

-Yes.

And I wonder, Benjamin, does that apply to you?

Um... Well...

It has been said that I'm mad, bad and dangerous to know.

But my mum just says I'm a naughty boy!

Byron was undoubtedly flamboyant,

almost as famous for his scandalous private life as his poetry.

And, while the 18th-century Lothario wrote of love,

Benjamin's work often focuses on his passions, including inequality.

You see a lot of angry kids on the streets who feel they have no way

of expressing themselves.

We try and tell them poetry is a good way of expressing yourself.

You know, I was friends with Nelson Mandela.

And Nelson Mandela even acknowledged what poetry, music and the arts did,

in terms of raising people's awareness

about what was going on in South Africa.

There's similar situations going on around the world now.

And we want to use our voice. So, my work is not done yet.

-So, poets don't retire?

-We don't retire, we just get...

I was going to say angrier. We just get more passionate, you know.

Like Benjamin, Byron, too, was an avid supporter of liberal causes.

He settled in Italy, and joined Greece in their war of independence.

But sadly died of fever during the struggle, aged just 36.

Like Byron and Shelley before you, who went travelling across Italy,

Roger and you have been travelling across Middle England,

-wreaking havoc in the shires.

-Yes.

Shall we go and see what he's been up to?

I really want to know what he's been up to. So, yeah, we should go.

Let's go.

And, what of their rivals?

Roger and Philip have made their way to Nottingham.

The great English writer DH Lawrence was educated here,

and it's where our boys are hoping to find some last-minute bargains.

What do you reckon?

-Are they me?

-They're definitely, yeah, they're definitely you.

-Yes, they are, Reg.

-Bloodshot.

-It's you, Reg!

-Oh, suits you, sir!

Do these things sell? Old record players and stuff?

They can do. Because everybody's now playing vinyl.

-But it's a bit of a specialist area.

-Mm-hm.

I remember my old Celestion speakers.

-Celestion?

-Yeah. Is that good or bad?

-Before my time, weren't they?

He's joking, Phil. Probably.

Close-run thing. Old typewriter, look.

Old typewriter, ah. Can we look for a typewriter?

-You want a typewriter?

-I want a typewriter.

A nice typewriter.

These are all a bit modern. I'd like something a bit older, if I can.

Does this one fit the bill?

That's quite cool.

I thought I thought they went well, typewriters sold well?

I don't dislike that one because

-it's a little bit more decorative, isn't it?

-It is nice.

And it's certainly old, I think.

That's 38.

-Why do you like that, then, Rog?

-Um.

Well, I like it because it works, it has a nice action.

It's very, very old, I think. Well, old...

And I can imagine DH Lawrence.

You know, Nottingham, you know, writing Women In Love,

or something like that.

-It's quite a cool thing, isn't it?

-Yeah.

I mean...

Or Lady Chatterley's Lover.

But you get, don't you, that typewriters have just completely

vanished off the face of the Earth.

-Indeed.

-You know, all the technology.

-Laptops and everything else we use today...

-I never used one myself.

I had an Italian Olivetti.

I think my mum bought me one when I was very young.

But I never sort of used it.

A bit slow for me, I never mastered it. But, as a piece of...

-It's almost a piece of sculpture.

-..sculpture, yeah.

Shall we find out what our good lady could do it for?

-Where is she?

-Lynn?

We're quite taken with your typewriter.

Right, then, that's £38. Let's see.

It's going to make an auction, I would think,

between £20 and £35, something like that.

Which means we've got to try and buy it below that, if we can.

If I say 30?

Could you try a bit harder for us?

Erm...

Let's see, 28.

-If we give you £25 for it, would that be a deal?

-Cash, cash.

-Cash.

-Um. Yeah.

-Ah, thank you.

-All right, then, OK.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

-I'm sorry, you want the money, don't you!

Perhaps I could knock out one of my verses for you on there

while we're waiting?!

I think we'll pass, Philip, eh?

That final purchase means our poets are all bought up.

Time to get together for a bit of show and tell.

And, who knows, perhaps poetic licence?

-So, shall we show them what we've got?

-Yes, why not?

-OK.

With me, Benjamin, towards me, here we go!

-SHE LAUGHS

-A touch of drama.

-OK.

-Wow! Yeah.

-It's a heady mix. It's a mix, isn't it?

-It is, a bit.

And, talking of mix, you can get in the mix with your audio...

-Ah! The Dolby system when it first came out.

-Exactly!

So, we thought we could imagine Benjamin in the streets,

at the end of the '80s, going for it with his mic input tape deck.

-I can see that, yeah.

-So, how much was that?

Well, it was a tenner, but we got it for half-price,

-Benjamin got it for half-price, £5 only.

-That's OK, isn't it?

-Yeah, they liked my charm!

-Mm-hm!

-This stuff is quite trendy now.

-And you still got it for a fiver!

What about the shop scales?

Well, these made you nostalgic, didn't they?

Yeah, they did. I remember going into shops, and they were there.

I remember the name.

-What is it?

-Avery.

-Oh, Avery, of course. Indeed.

And, I think we can make a weighty profit!

-ALL:

-Oh!

We'll have to "weight" and see! Oh!

-Let's hope it doesn't "weigh" too heavy on you.

-Oh! Terrible!

-How much was that?

-Erm, £25.

-ROGER:

-And, the old Noah's ark, yes?

-What do you think of this?

-Noah's ark.

-Very, very collectible, Noah's arks, aren't they?

-Are they?

-You should be worried.

-Oh, we are.

-Do you want to see some quality items now?

-Yes, I'm looking at it.

-Oh!

-Get out of here.

-Come on, let's have a look. Reveal yourselves.

On the count of three. One, two, three, go!

What have you got here? Oh!

Poetry-related. Look, Tennyson Street!

-Oh.

-Oh, you're so fly.

And then, there was our cutlery box which hasn't got the interior.

But we just thought that, that's a proper antique, isn't it?

It's properly lovely, yeah, I love this shell design here.

You see on it on everything. The trays, these boxes, the tea caddies.

-I think that's our best bit.

-OK, so, wristwatch. Oh, it's an Omega!

I wouldn't have seen that as being so valuable.

-How much did they pay for it.

-£40.

-40 quid! For an Omega wristwatch!

For the price of nothing, really. And it works.

-I'm not happy with that.

-Yeah.

-They've done well.

-They have done well.

Could you just repeat that one more time for me? Hold on?

Benjamin, don't say it, don't say it. Just come with me!

-They've done well.

-Oh, don't say it!

The nation doesn't want to hear it. Come on. Well done.

Niceties out of the way,

what did they really make of each other's lots?

What's your favourite piece on their table?

Well, as a piece of, kind of, nostalgia, as a poet,

-I do like the Tennyson Street sign.

-Yeah. How did we miss that?

-You know, that was in the shop we were all in.

-I didn't realise that.

They're such monkeys, they're so cheeky.

I think they can't lose much money on the tape deck.

They can't lose much money on the scales.

They can't lose much money on the sextant, or the Noah's ark.

I must say, I liked what they had.

I think they could lose money on the clock.

I can see that perhaps costing them 50 quid.

-I like typewriters, of course.

-Yes.

That's really cool. But, £25,

I've not really seen one making in excess of £20-30 at auction.

So, we're quite safe there, I think.

If I was a bookie, I think the odds are a bit in our favour.

ROGER INHALES SHARPLY

Love the confidence!

From starting in Northamptonshire,

our two teams have meandered around the Midlands,

and are now motoring towards Leicester for the big finale.

So, how are you feeling about today going forward?

Yeah, interesting, isn't it?

Well, it will be interesting to see how we go. I mean, Phil was great.

-And Natasha was as well.

-Yeah.

Directing you towards things, and that. Which I enjoyed.

But I'd no idea how much things were worth.

-Well, we can't do anything now, really.

-No, exactly. Let it happen.

Yep. Today, they'll be doing battle at Churchgate Auctions.

-Ready for the fray?

-I'm ready.

-I'm looking forward to it actually.

-Really?

-My first auction.

-Well, we'd better go and see what happens, hadn't we?

-Let's go.

-I think I know what's going to happen.

-Get out of it!

-Madness!

Madness is going to ensue!

The man with the gavel today is Dickon Dearman.

So, what does he make of our lots and lots?

My favourite lot in the sale today

is the 1950s Omega stainless steel wristwatch.

And, taking into consideration all the items as a whole,

it's a nice mixture of old and new items.

There might well be some surprises in that lot in the sale today.

Roger and Philip spent £265 on five auction lots.

While Benjamin and Natasha spent less, buying five lots for £215.

OK.

Right. They're taking their seats, as the auction is about to begin.

Your first auction. It's all go.

First up, it's Roger's spot.

The vintage Imperial typewriter.

Start me at £20? £20 for that nice typewriter? Any interest at 20?

£10 if you like, then. £10 being bid.

12. 14. 16. 18. £20.

22, 25.

£25. 25. 27. 27.

-Oh, yes, yes.

-£30. £30. 30 just there.

32. 32 now. 32. Do I see any further bids? At 32, he's back in.

£35 now. 35 is there now? 35 anywhere?

-35 just there. 37.

-Oh, you guys are in profit.

37. 37, no. Selling them for £35.

-Thank you, madam.

-Well done.

-GAVEL BANGS

Off to a great start with a nice little profit there

for Roger and Philip.

I was wanting more, I wanted more. I wanted double, almost 50.

Nothing wrong with aiming high, Roger.

Up next, it's Benjamin and Natasha's Audiotronics tape deck.

-How do you think our tape deck's going to go?

-Oh, well, I don't know.

But I'm going nervous, suddenly.

£20. £20? A tenner then, if you like, for it. £10.

-£10 is being bid in the corner there.

-£10 bid.

-Do I see a 12 now?

£12. 12, do I see a 12? Is there anywhere a 12. 14. 14.

16. 16 just there. 18. Yes, £18. 20.

-20, no.

-Go with the flow, go with the flow.

Selling, then, for £18. Thank you, madam.

That's all right.

That puts you ahead in the profit margins so far.

He's in the groove, isn't he?

A perfect start for Benjamin and Natasha. Great stuff.

Now, it's the auctioneer's tip for the top.

Roger and Philip's Omega wristwatch.

I always have it on the inside, so, because you're on stage,

you can just see how long you've got.

If you do it like that, it's a bit aggressive, isn't it?

"Come on, guys."

£50 on the watch, sir. £50. Have you bid? 55.

45, they're already in profit.

70. 75. 80. 85.

90, 95. £100.

-Benjamin!

-105.

105, now. 105, fresh bid at 105.

-110. 110 now. 110 now. 110.

-What's happening!

115. 115.

-120. 120. 125.

-Look at Phil.

-130.

-You are so smug.

He's cool now, isn't he?

140 do I see now? 140 do I see?

-This is huge.

-No, selling then to you, sir, for 135.

-Oh, well done. Well done.

-Partner.

That smashing result sees Roger and Philip romp into the lead.

Phil said, "Roger, why are you buying that for?"

I said, "It's going to raise money." He said, "Please don't."

I said, "Phil, trust me on this one," didn't I?

I said, "Trust me on this one."

I implored him not to buy it, right? And I was wrong!

They're like a comedy duo, those two.

Benjamin and Natasha are playing catch-up with their brass sextant.

-This was your spot, you know.

-Yes, I know.

-This was Benji's spot.

I'm responsible.

Do I see £30? Any interest at 30?

£20 only, then, for it? £20 for the sextant.

-It's worth £20, surely, now?

-It must be.

Oh, £20 on the front, thank you. £20 being bid. 22.

24. £24. 26.

28. 28. £30. 32. 34. 34 now.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no. Keep going, keep going.

34 back in. 36. 36. 38.

38. No. 38 now.

All done, selling down here, then, for £36.

-Sold.

-Oh, it's a loss, it's a loss!

Mm. Clearly, no marine enthusiasts in the room today.

Could be because it's not old.

-It's only a game, it's only a game.

-No, it's not a game.

-Sorry.

You say it's only a game because you're winning.

We're trying to be magnanimous about this.

Well, can our magnanimous men increase their lead

with the Georgian mahogany cutlery box?

Benjamin, what if it makes over 100 quid?

If it makes over 100 quid, I think we could just go home now.

Shall we just storm out?

£50? Any interest at 50.

£40, if you like, then. £40 has been bid. Thank you.

Do I see 45 now? 45. 45, is there anywhere a 45?

£50. 55. 60.

65. £70 now. £70. 70 just there. 75.

75 is there anywhere? 75 do I see?

-Is it going to break even?

-Any further bids? Selling then for £70.

-Lost.

-Oh.

After auction costs, that will be a small loss.

But, fear not, Roger and Philip, you're still in the lead.

The scales are up next, Benjamin.

The scales fell from her eyes, and bruised her toes.

OK.

Are you acting like a poet?

-I wasn't expecting such profundity.

-She didn't know it.

I just got a bit of a fright there, Roger, actually.

Well, let's hope your set of Avery scales don't give you another one.

£10, any interest at 10? £10 has been bid, thank you, sir.

-Do I see 12 now?

-Where's the competition?

-12.

Do I see 12. Is there a 12, madam?

14. 16. 18. 18. £20.

22 now. 22.

22, is there anywhere 22 do I see? No further bids.

-We need more.

-One more.

-Selling for £20.

Oh, no.

Never mind. Benjamin loved them.

We went out and bought things that would gain a profit, you see.

-Didn't we?

-And we bought things we liked.

I like your attitude, Benjamin.

Time now for the three-piece silver tea set.

£50, any interest at 50? £30 if you like, then.

£30, thank you, £30 has been bid on this. Do I see 32 now?

32, Mr Wheeler. 34.

34. 36. 36. 38.

£40. 42. 45. 47.

£50. 52. 55. 55. 57.

57 just there.

£60 now. £60.

Do I see £60 anywhere? 60 just there. 62. 62.

65. 65. 67. 67.

£70. 75 now.

75, is there no further bids? Selling it for £70. Thank you.

GAVEL BANGS

-It's a loss.

-That is cheap.

That it is, Natasha.

But Roger and Philip are still in the lead.

Can Natasha and Benjamin's Noah's ark close the gap?

I'm going to will it to do well.

I'm going to send my vibes out to the people.

£10 for the vintage Noah's ark.

I've got £10 bid in the corner there. Thank you, sir.

Do I see 12 now? £12. 12, madam.

14. 16. 18. £20.

22. 24. £26 now.

-£26.

-Oh, it's at 24.

-Fresh bid at 26. 28.

£30. 32. 34. 36. 38.

No, 38 now.

38, do I see? Any further bids? No, selling it, then, for £36.

-Thank you, madam. Sold.

-GAVEL BANGS

Yes, we'll take that. Good stuff.

That pretty profit puts you back in the game.

It's Roger and Philip's final lot. The Tennyson Street sign.

£20. £20 on the front has been bid, thank you.

Do I see 22 now? 22. 24.

24. 26.

28. 28. £30. 32. 34.

36. 38. 38.

£40. 42. 45. 47.

-Wow!

-£50. 52.

55. 55 now. 55 do I see? 55 anywhere?

All done, selling then for £52. Sold.

-Well done.

-Well done.

Listen, if the poetry-related lot hadn't have made a profit,

we'd have all been crying. That's great.

Roger and Philip end on a high.

To have any chance of winning,

Benjamin and Natasha will need to make a serious profit

on their priciest purchase, their mantle clock.

We've put all of our eggs in this clock's basket. And here it comes.

-And my mum's watching.

-And your mum's watching?

Listen, my mum's watching too. I'm nervous.

-Who'll start me at £50?

-Oh, 50 quid! Come on.

Do I see 50? £30, if you like, then. £30 has been bid.

£30 has been bid. Do I see 35 now?

-This is wild.

-35. 35.

-40. 45. 50.

-Have a good look at it, everybody.

-60.

60. 65. £70 has been bid.

Do I see 75 now? 75.

This is nuts, this is nuts. No, Benjamin, no, it's not happening.

-Selling them for £70.

-GAVEL BANGS

Benjamin!

Well, it was a risky punt. But you did love it, Benjamin.

I've always wanted to really beat Roger McGough.

Well, another day, another day.

-On that note, let's go.

-Yeah, OK.

We'll challenge him to a race outside, how about that?

Well, while you get ready to run, let's find out the final results.

Both teams started with £400.

After paying auction costs,

Benjamin and Natasha sadly made a loss of £67.40,

leaving them with £332.60.

Roger and Philip, however, made a profit of £31.84,

after auction costs.

Which means they're crowned today's winners, finishing with £431.84.

Hurrah! And all profits go to Children In Need.

Oh, no, come on, just give us the figures.

Well, I'm afraid you've lost.

-Yeah, I gathered that.

-About £65.

-How much!

-About 65.

-Oh, that's not too bad.

And we've made about 30 quid. So...

What can we say?

You can say sorry, and good luck in your life, in what you do.

And the best people won. Things like that.

-Roger. Just play this down, Rog.

-Sorry.

Ya-hey!

Sorry, erm.

BENJAMIN SOBS THEATRICALLY

Let's be humble in defeat, let's be humble in defeat.

-We had fun, we had a laugh.

-We had fun.

-It's been good, hasn't it?

We'd better wave you goodbye and bon voyage.

-Thank you so much for being such a great sport.

-Lovely.

Thank you, it's been wonderful. So good.

Parting is always such sweet sorrow.

-Bye-bye.

-Bon voyage!

-Take care, guys.

-Actually, Roger, I mean, we've known each other for years.

-Yeah, yeah.

But we always see each other backstage or in a television studio

-or a radio studio, or, you know, on stage.

-Yeah, I know.

And, actually, we've hung out together for a couple of days.

-I never want to see you again!

-Yeah, no!

And that 50 quid I lent you in 1977...

-I didn't like to mention that.

-Yeah, yeah.

Ha-ha, toodle-pip, road-trippers!