Jennifer Saunders and Patricia Potter Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

The nation's favourite celebrities.

Oh, I like that.

Paired up with an expert...

We've had some fun, haven't we?

..and a classic car.

It feels as if it could go quite fast.

Their mission, to scour Britain for antiques.

-Yes!

-Fantastic.

I'll do that in slow-mo..

The aim - to make the biggest profit at auction.

Come on, boys!

But it's no easy ride.

Ta-dah!

Who will find a hidden gem?

Don't sell me!

Who will take the biggest risks?

Go away, darling.

Will anybody follow expert advice?

I'm trying to spend money here.

There will be worthy winners...

Yes!

..and valiant losers.

Put your pedal to the metal, this is...

HORN BEEPS ..the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip.

This programme contains some strong language.

Today we're in the south of England with

a couple of showbiz best pals.

It's comedy legend Jennifer Saunders

and fellow top actress Patricia Potter,

who are joined by a very special passenger -

Olive, Jennifer's dog -

who you can see in the back.

Hello, Olive, you're very close to me there.

I think she's loving it.

Do you remember once I said to you,

"Listen, if I never get to go on actual Antiques Road Trip,

"shouldn't we do our own Antiques Road Trip?"

-And here we are.

-And here we are.

-Actual Antiques Road Trip.

Jennifer has had us giggling since the

'80s and, as one half of the hilarious comedy duo,

French and Saunders, she's one of the UK's most loved comediennes.

An award-winning actress, Jennifer received worldwide acclaim

for writing and starring in the hit TV sitcom, Absolutely Fabulous.

-This couldn't be a more perfect venue.

-Well, we'll see, frankly.

-Can you hear me, Ed?

-Yes, I can hear you, darling, can you hear me?

-Yeah.

-Sing something.

She will be using microphones.

-Yeah, have you got mics?

-Yes.

-Good.

Patricia, or Tish to her friends, is regularly on our TV screens

and is probably best known for her time as Diane Lloyd in Holby City.

I once saw on an antiques programme,

if you touch the tip of your tongue on a diamond,

if it stays cold it's real.

I think you sometimes have to lick the edge of

a ceramic bowl to tell if it's been restored.

I think there's going to be quite a lot of licking in this

Antiques Road Trip! I shall be licking all the antiques.

May we come in and lick some of your wares?

I'm going to go in and lick all the antiques before you can lick them.

Rather you than me, Jennifer.

This morning our leading ladies are motoring along in

a very nice 1957 Porsche 365.

In blue.

30 miles an hour.

Is that all we're doing?

-Put your foot down, woman!

-Come on!

On this journey, Jennifer and Tish will be joined by a couple of

Road Trip veterans, none other than Mark Stacey and Philip Serrell...

# The boys are back in town. #

..who are roaming around in this beautiful 1973 Triumph GT6

in red.

What's really interesting is Jennifer

-is really into antiques.

-Is she?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

As I gather, she does various antique fairs.

And, of course, she'll like you then, Philip, because you're nearly an antique, aren't you?

Not quite. Not quite.

-We haven't found a hallmark yet.

-No, I'm well patinated.

Once paired up,

our teams will kick off this Road Trip with £400 in their pockets.

Starting near Taplow in Buckinghamshire,

our teams will then be buying in Berkshire, Hampshire and Oxfordshire

before heading to Greenwich in London for auction.

# The boys are back in town again. #

Here they are.

Oh, look, a Porsche 356.

There's the boys.

MIMICS SCREECHING BRAKES

Brake!

Don't be so frightening.

-PHILIP:

-How are you, lovely?

-Hello, this is very exciting.

Good to see you. I'm glad it's got brakes.

-And who's this?

-This is Olive.

Look at Olive. How are you?

My name's Mark. Lovely to meet you.

Mark, I'm working with Olive.

-Are you?

-I'm working with Olive.

Hello, Olive.

How are you? Good to see you.

So, you've got Tish.

I have. And you've got a blue car, and we've got a red car.

-This looks lovely, doesn't it?

-It's very beautiful.

-Who's driving?

-I'm happy to drive.

-Right, I'm going to be good.

-Got a bit of experience now.

It's time to hit the road.

Come on, Olive.

-Do you know what I'm most pleased about?

-What?

-Our passenger.

-Oh, Olive.

Olive in the back there. Olive, how are you?

I feel we've got a slightly better car.

-I think we've got a better car and a better expert.

-Oh, well!

I wouldn't let Phil hear you say that.

For their first stop,

Jennifer and Phil are heading to Hare Hatch near Reading.

When did you discover that you can make people laugh?

Well, I think it was probably at home.

We used to laugh all the time at home. My dad was funny.

And it was a general rule that, you know,

if you're going to sit down and have a meal together, you crack jokes.

You did imitations of your teachers

and you made fun of things

and situations and people.

So I think I had quite a good upbringing for that.

And then at school I never did much.

It wasn't until I met Dawn at college and we sort of

started messing about in college cabarets and things that I

got the complete bug and it is a bug.

You get the bug because the second you hear someone laugh,

it's like the world changes.

You go, "Thank you, I know what I want to do now."

If you're writing something for someone and they don't deliver

what you've imagined, how does that work? Do you throttle them?

-No, I have been known to do it for them.

-Really?

To go, "No, that's not...

"Listen to what I'm saying and this is how you say it."

When we were doing Ab Fab, Jane Horrocks always used to say...

-MIMICS JANE:

-"Why don't you just do it for me? How'd you want it done?"

"Oh, OK," and she'd do it.

-And I thought... That's...

-It's professional, it makes it easier.

Yeah, it makes it much easier.

That should help with keeping Phil in check, then.

Jennifer, Phil and Olive have arrived at their first shop of the trip.

Come on, Ol.

Do you think we've got an unfair advantage with Olive?

-What?

-It's three against two.

That's true. Come on, Ol, in we come.

With plenty of antiques and collectables on offer,

all three of them get stuck in.

That looks like every Elizabethan comedy set I've ever been on.

-Take the "pith".

-That's very good.

-There you go.

Oh, it's something I can lick.

Yeah.

No, fake.

Yuck!

This is an occasional table. Sorry, "occasional table" it says there.

It always makes me laugh when they say occasional tables.

-I'm not sure what they are.

-Part-time table.

-Yeah.

After a good old rummage around,

it looks like Jennifer has uncovered something interesting.

Oh, no, there's something that was once alive.

-Something that was once alive.

-Has Olive killed that?

Something that still could be alive.

What the...?

Oh, that's cool, isn't it? I know where that's going.

-It's not going on my head.

-No, I know. Go on, then.

-Philip, go on.

-Do you want it...?

-Look at it.

-Do I look like Rumpole?

-You do.

-Really?

Look, we've got his little stock, whatever it's called. Little collar.

-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

-With all the... And his collars.

-It's seen better days, the collars.

-Yeah.

-Haven't they?

They've seen better days.

But this is a nice tin.

I like that. Do you like that?

I think that's really nice.

It sports a price of £68.

Is there a deal to be done with Nigel?

How old do you think it is?

Er, well, the tin is certainly Victorian, I would've thought.

I don't think it's any earlier than that. Um...

Late 19th.

Yeah, I think you're probably right, yeah.

I think...

We're going to need to give you £40 for it, really.

Because it's going to make £50-£80 at auction.

That's my view.

You're not going to get there at 40, I'm afraid.

You will get there at 55.

See, we're nowhere near you at that, I don't think.

We're just going to lose money there.

Well the best, and this is the death, is 50.

Decision time, chaps.

Are you willing to part with £50 for the Victorian wig and tin?

I think we should because I think we might find something that

-can go with it. We might...

-Yeah.

Listen, we're going to have fun with that wig.

Actually, there we go, thank you very much, indeed.

-Thank you very much, indeed.

-Thank you. And onwards, sir.

-Thank you, Nigel. See you, bye.

-Bye.

-Bye.

So that's Jennifer and Phil bagging their first lot.

Great stuff.

Patricia and Mark, meanwhile, are making their way to Reading.

Did you enjoy working on Holby City?

I loved it. What a great job.

And you know a lot about medicine?

Oh... Come on.

-I know nothing about medicine. I married a doctor.

-Oh, you married a doctor?

I married a doctor, my lovely Jim, who is doing... We met doing Holby.

That's another great thing about the job.

You met your husband on Holby. What was he doing?

-He was doing medical advising.

-Oh, really?

Only to meet girls, yeah.

It worked, then.

Tish and Mark are starting this trip with

a visit to the Royal Berkshire Medical Museum.

During World War I, the Royal Berkshire and Battle hospitals

treated thousands of injured soldiers.

And it was here that one surgeon pioneered

a new way of healing wounds when he discovered previously

unidentified bacteria by using his nose.

-Hello.

-Good morning.

Tish and Mark are meeting retired consultant general surgeon

and museum volunteer, Tom Dehn, to find out more.

So, Tom, can you tell us a bit about what life would have been

like for the soldiers on the front line?

Pretty miserable on the front line.

Over 1.5 million men and women were injured and many of those

injuries occurred in really desperate circumstances.

The soldiers climbed over barbed wire when they were being

machine-gunned by the enemy and they had often fallen into shell

holes, or foxholes, wounded.

The foxholes were full of dirty,

stagnant water and many of the injuries were complicated by

the development of gas gangrene,

owing to the fact that clothing and earth and contaminated

objects had been forced into their flesh by the impact of the shrapnel.

These sick men were brought back

and really the only treatment for gas gangrene was amputation.

Amputation.

Tragically many soldiers died from injuries that should never

have cost them their lives.

The lucky ones were sent back to Britain.

Up to 150 casualties arrived in Reading each day at the peak

of the war to be treated in the town's hospitals and it was

here that a young surgeon named Leonard Joyce made

a ground-breaking discovery.

Chairman of the Berkshire Medical Heritage Centre, Tim Smith,

is here to tell Tish and Mark more.

Joyce had noted that certain wounds,

of patients coming up from France, had a characteristic smell

and those with a characteristic smell got better more quickly

than other wounds.

And in conjunction with the bacteriologist at the hospital,

he cultured, grew, organisms from these particular wounds that

had the characteristic smell and they did animal experiments.

They grew this bacterium and, in animal experiments,

showed that it could help wound healing.

Then he took the very bold step of deliberately inoculating that

into the wounds of patients, and it worked.

It was what's called a proteolytic bacteria.

It broke down tissues to enable proper wound healing to take place.

He treated many patients successfully with this

technique and probably shortened their time in hospital.

Dr Leonard Joyce's pioneering work meant many of the World War I

wounded went on to make speedy recoveries,

all thanks to his nose and the discovery of Reading bacillus.

Jennifer, Philip and Olive have headed half an hour down the road

to Eversley in Hampshire, where they're arriving at their next shop.

This looks rather gorgeous, I must say. Out you come.

I thought you might stay in, but no.

Housed inside this 16th century barn

is a wide variety of antiques, furniture and collectibles.

-Hello!

-Hello!

-I'm Hilary.

-Hi, Hilary, nice to meet you.

-Hilary, we've met, haven't we?

-We've met before. Nice to see you again.

And what a very good lady Hilary is, let me tell you.

-Shall we go and have a look round? Is that all right?

-Yeah.

-Those are nice, mind, the little lions, Jennifer.

-Pretty.

-I do like those.

-You do?

-Yeah.

I tell you what's nice about the lions is that they're weathered.

-I like those.

-And worn.

-They're weathered and worn.

-They've got a nice look to them.

-How much is that?

-Hilary, the lions...

-The little ones?

-Yeah.

-How much is on those?

-55.

-55...

They can be 40 for you.

So, straightaway, the pair of reconstituted stone lions

are set aside for consideration

and it looks like Phil's found something else.

So this is a, erm...

-..a reproduction luggage rack.

-Mm.

It is probably 1950s.

I quite like this cos it would look quite cool,

-a little coffee table, wouldn't it, like that?

-It is quite nice.

-Put a tray on it.

-Yeah.

-It's easy.

-What's that at?

-Priced at 95.

-That's quite a lot.

-It's got to be 50 quid, hasn't it?

-Yeah.

I think it's got to be slightly less, I have to say.

-I think if I was...

-I do like this lady.

-If I was going to buy it...

-I do like her a lot.

What do you think about that if we could get that at 40, do you think?

-40? 40, I'd go for it.

-Could you do that for 40 for us?

Halfway - 45 I'll do.

-It's up to you, my love.

-Yes, I do like it.

-We'd like this and the lions.

-That at 45 and the lions at 40.

-80 the two would be better, wouldn't it, really?

-Yeah.

-Cos it just makes the maths so much easier, doesn't it?

-Yeah.

80 the two, that would...

Yeah, that'll be all right. 80 for the two.

That generous discount means Jennifer and Phil

bag themselves the stone lions for £40

and the Georgian-style luggage rack for another 40.

Upstairs, some feathered friends have caught Jennifer's eye.

-They are gorgeous.

-Those are fun, aren't they?

Well, I think they look really nicely done.

If you look at the detail on the feathers,

-it's really good.

-Would there be a lot of movement on price on these?

I can always make a phone call. How much is on them?

-245, that's quite a lot.

-Well, I'll go and ask.

Hilary makes a quick call to the dealer,

only to find he won't go any lower than £200.

-200? No, we'd be poles away.

-I know.

-Mm.

Turning down the turkeys, Jennifer and Phil head back downstairs...

and look who's turned up.

-Oh, no!

-They're here! They got here before us!

-This is not fair, is it?

-Hello!

-Hello!

I can't believe you got here and you've been buying stuff.

-I'm so jealous.

-I'm so sorry.

-I'm desperate to go inside.

-Right, bye!

-Come on.

I'm not surprised, as Tish and Mark are yet to buy

a single thing with their £400.

I don't know where to start, I really don't.

So, what we want is something that really stands out.

Stands out, quirky, something that's fresh to the market.

It's completely overwhelming. There's so much stuff.

While Tish and Mark are feeling the pressure,

their rivals are on a roll.

-Do you want to win?

-Don't offer me the bedpan.

-Corner cupboard. How much?

-How much would I pay for it?

-Yeah.

Hmm.

-About 50 quid.

-You'd pay 50 quid for it?

Well, I don't like it, but I think I would pay

something like 50 quid for that because it's quite a nice one.

This.

I'm selling that for a customer and they're very happy for it

to go to a good home for not a lot of money

so I know I can do something on that,

probably even £30 they'd be happy with.

-Did you hear that, Jennifer?

-What?

-They'd take 30 quid for it.

-Selling it for a customer.

-Let's take it.

-We can't walk past that.

-I think, for 30 quid, that's not bad at all.

-How old do you think it is?

It's 19th century, but it may have had some alterations done,

-but I don't think so.

-Hmm.

-We can't walk past that, can we?

-No, I think that's...

-That's profit.

-OK.

-That's profit.

You hope! So, the late Georgian corner cupboard

becomes their fourth lot bought.

Still to spend a penny, Tish has found something she fancies.

-Now, what do you think about this?

-Oh, gosh, I need to sit down.

-What is it? Show me.

-So this is a scrapbook.

What I think is interesting about it is,

-first of all, it's enormous.

-Yes.

But, secondly, when you open it, you realise that, in fact, it is...

-Empty.

-..empty.

And therefore I thought quite attractive for somebody

who was looking for a wedding present for somebody or something

because it's a very unique item

and what's brilliant about the design

-is as you fill it up with your stuff...

-It'll get...

It's got space within the pages to take its full form.

What do you think? It's only £30.

-£30?

-£30.

It looks as if it's got age and I love that sort of,

-what do you call this, oxblood leather?

-Yes.

-You don't see that any more, do you?

-It matches our car.

It does match our car.

I think this is not a bad buy, you know.

A lot of the market these days is to do with decorative items.

It's only £30. 20... Do you want to try and negotiate on the first item?

OK.

-All right, let's go.

-Yeah? Go on, then.

-I'm a bit nervous now!

-Go on.

-OK. Let's give it a go, let's give it a go.

-Give it a go.

Go on, Tish. Work your magic.

We've found this scrapbook.

I'm quite keen on it, but I notice that the price you have on it

is £30 and I was wondering if that was the best.

What I could do for you...

Erm, I think...

Normally, I'd say 25, but you are in a competition so I'll say 20.

-That sounds absolutely brilliant.

-20.

-Thank you so much.

-Thank you.

-Do you agree, Mark?

-Oh, you didn't need me, did you?

THEY LAUGH

No, she didn't.

She secured the late Victorian unused scrapbook all by herself.

Top marks!

And just as Jennifer and Philip thought they were all done...

-Is that a little miniature staddle stone here?

-It is. It's lovely.

-That's weathered as well.

-Ooh!

-That is sweet.

-That's nice with the lions.

-Yes.

-Oh, please, let's do that.

Yes, definitely.

-I don't know how much is on that. Can you see it?

-£68.

-£50.

-Can you do this as 40 as well?

Not quite 40.

-Two?

-Five. 45.

-OK, let's do it.

-OK, done. Phew!

-Thank you.

-Well done, Jennifer.

-Thank you!

So, Jennifer and Phil will put the staddle stone

alongside their lions to make one lot for auction.

Mark, meanwhile, has spied those bronze turkeys

the other team turned down.

I need to look at these.

The thing with these is they're made about 1890/1900.

And there was one maker particularly

-who made the best quality ones, called Franz Bergman.

-Right.

And he used to sign his initials in a little urn with the letter B.

The thing is that cold-painted bronze are very collectible.

They're quite nicely made.

-Do you honestly think that these would sell?

-Well...

-I have to say, I think they're absolutely hideous.

-If somebody...

Well, absolutely hideous can sell, you know.

He's not wrong. And Mark reckons the birds are worth a punt.

OK. Now, Hilary, we've fallen in love with these two turkeys.

They are nice.

The dealer has already said he'd take £200 for the turkeys.

Can Mark sweet-talk him down a little lower?

-Brian? Brian...

-Brian.

Hello, Brian.

My lovely celebrity, Tish here, and I have fallen in love with these.

I think they're lovely.

I'm just hoping, Brian,

you might just tweak them under the 200 for us.

195? And I can't tweak you to a round 190?

-For cash.

-Is that all right?

190. Oh, Brian, you're such a star. Thank you so much for your time.

And thanks from Tish, too.

Jennifer and Phil might be furious when they find out,

but that's the bronze turkeys bought for £190.

-Oh, that's it!

-I'm exhausted.

-Right.

BELL RINGS

I'm exhausted!

And so ends a busy day of buying for our weary celebrities and experts.

Nighty-night!

It's the next morning.

Olive and our antique-hunting actresses are back on the road.

-How was your day yesterday? How did you find everything?

-Well...

-Cos we left you at that...

-I was livid that you got there before us.

Cos there was a couple of things that I thought, "Oh, I love those."

Like what? What things?

Oh, there was a couple of cold-painted bronzes and things,

-which you don't like, I don't think.

-No, I really think they're hideous.

Oh, no, you see, I love a cold-painted bronze.

-We did see the turkeys, yes.

-I thought they were great.

Well, that's a little awkward.

Anyway, despite passing on the turkeys,

Jennifer and Phil had a successful shopping time yesterday,

bagging a whole heap of goodies -

the Victorian tin and legal wig,

the reconstituted stone lions,

the miniature staddle stone,

the late Georgian corner cupboard

and the Georgian-style luggage rack,

leaving them with £195 to spend today.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-Thank you.

Tish and Mark, meanwhile, have bought two lots so far -

the late Victorian unused scrap album

and the rare Bergman cold-painted bronze turkeys,

which means they still have £190 available to spend today.

Thank you very much.

En route to meet the girls,

Mark and Phil have had a bit of car trouble.

Thankfully, they're not too far from the meeting point

so they're hoofing it.

The girls, meanwhile, are oblivious to the boys' predicament.

-I think we've taken a massive risk on one of our items.

-Oh, do you?

-Yeah. Yeah, I do.

-Oh, I wish I knew what it was cos I was in that shop.

I know. Well, I'm not allowed to tell you.

-I'm sworn to secrecy and I'm finding it incredibly difficult!

-OK.

Yeah, me, too. Ha!

The boys have arrived and poor Phil looks puffed out.

Mark, you meanie, I hope you don't expect Tish to pull you, too.

There's the boys.

Oh, they're here. Hello!

THEY LAUGH

Hello!

-Hello, lovely.

-Why, you old fools!

He broke the car!

I only noticed you when you got your leg out.

-How are you this morning?

-Very well.

-He did, he broke it.

-Nice to see you, you look wonderful.

What a beautiful day!

-I didn't break the car, it broke down.

-He broke the car.

-It broke down.

-While you were driving it?

I was driving it, yes. But the engine just...

-There's something wrong with it.

-What are they going to do?

When you said, "What are THEY going to do?"

you're absolutely right.

What are THEY going to do? Cos we've got the car.

-We could come in the back.

-Oh, come on! Olive struggles in the back.

-You're not even going to let us have the car.

-Have a lovely day!

-Please, Mark.

-We'll see you later on.

-What are we going to do?

-They've already had a head start. This isn't fair.

-This is not fair.

-Life's full of unfairness, isn't it?

-Come on, Olive.

I don't know what you're going to do.

-I think we'll start walking, don't you?

-Unbelievable!

-You've got good sturdy legs!

-You're unbelievable!

With no thought for their carless rivals...

HORN SCREECHES

..Jennifer and Phil make a speedy exit and take to the road,

heading towards Goring.

You do know the real bonus of this, don't you?

-What's that?

-Well, we're going to be there an hour before them.

-We are!

-Oh, my gosh!

-What's been your worst corpsing moment on stage?

-Once, Dawn and I were shooting a sketch with Stephanie Beecham.

-Yeah.

And we got the worst giggles, I mean, ever.

And Stephanie was great at the beginning, she was like,

"That's fine, that's absolutely fine, ha-ha-ha,"

and, honestly, about half an hour in and it was half an hour...

-She'd had enough.

-I could see on her face and that made us laugh more.

The fact that we knew that everybody,

including the director, was going, "This is no longer funny.

-"You have to do this now."

-You can't help yourself.

And it just made us go even... It became unprofessional.

Sometimes, it's fun and it's lovely,

but it really was bordering on terribly unprofessional

and we should have been drummed out of the industry.

Well, we're very pleased that you weren't.

Both teams will start their shopping in Goring and unsurprisingly,

armed with a car, Jennifer and Phil may get first dibs.

I tell you what, you bought one, I bought one.

I think it's Olive's turn. Do you?

-Let's see if she can sniff something out.

-Come on, Olive.

-See if you can sniff something out, Olive.

-I wonder if they find bones.

It's antiques you're after, Phil, not bones.

Stuffed full of vintage and retro items, straight away,

Jennifer's spotted something she likes.

Well, you see I'm immediately drawn just for my grandchildren

to this little chair. Oh, that is so cute.

I quite like that little kids' chair.

I think that's rather nice.

Bet it'll only go for a tenner...

And it is only 12.

Get that for a fiver.

I think that's... I'd love that little thing.

-That's quite sweet.

-I'd definitely, absolutely get that.

I think that's a cracking little item.

Have they got any teddies or something?

Like you sit the teddy in it and sell the teddy in the chair.

Jennifer...

Oh!

-He's quite lovely.

-He is, isn't he?

-He's quite nice.

-And he's not brand-new, either.

-No.

-Put him on the chair.

-On the chair.

-Put him on the chair.

While Jennifer and Phil consider the chair and teddy,

Tish and Mark are ready to browse and raring to buy.

-Hello, everyone.

-Hello!

-How are you?

-Hi!

-Good morning.

-Thank you for having us.

-Can you point us in the way of the bargains?

And don't say, "Everywhere."

-Hello!

-Oh, here comes trouble.

-Sorry, I'm coming through.

Coming through!

-You're not going to even stop and say hello?

-Hello, hello.

-Hello.

-We're on a mission.

-Are you?

-Have you bagsed everything good?

-No, not at all.

-Good. Come on, then.

Quick, upstairs.

-Aha! Hello!

-Oh, you lot, the oppo! Where's my oppo? Is she downstairs?

-She's gone roaring past us.

-You're in here first again. Honestly!

-Oh, you know, it's just the way it goes.

-Well, we've got to shop, Phil.

-We haven't got time for idle chit-chat.

-Yeah, bad luck.

-What?

"Bad luck," he said. Isn't that nasty?

They're the best of friends, really.

Right, you two - what can you find?

Oh, that's nice. It's Mason's, isn't it?

-Yes, it is.

-Mason's Pottery.

It's Mason's Pottery and I'm thinking

that there's quite a trend these days - macaroons.

-Macaroons - fondant fancies.

-Yes.

And people like a cake stand.

-I mean, I like it.

-Yeah?

-We'll probably get it for a tenner or something.

-Yeah.

It's marked at 12.50, but at auction, as a single lot, they...

You don't think it'll make any money?

I don't think it'll make a huge amount.

Well, best put it back, then, Tish.

-Did you see that old tin?

-This one?

-Yeah.

I quite like that cos you could put kindling in it

-next to your fire.

-Well, it's an old hat box.

I thought it might go with our wig box.

Aha! It looks like a lot made up of tin boxes might be on the cards.

We have another tin.

-Well, now, that is a cute thing. Look at that.

-What's it for?

It says it's for tapers.

"Price's...dropless white tapers for lighting candles."

And...

there's a few tapers in there.

There's not four candles in there, is there?

-That's a nice thing. It's got possibilities.

-How much is that?

It's got 19 on it so I think that's a bit steep.

Oh, she's a tough one, that Saunders!

-Tish?

-Yes, sir.

-What do you think of this?

-Oh, I love it!

-I love it! I love it!

-Of course, it's not an antique.

-But it's...

-It's a statement piece, isn't it?

Yes, it's what you were saying that you wanted to find.

I mean, they've called it a log basket, which it could be.

-It could be a log basket.

-Or a laundry basket.

I would have that in my house.

Or if you like a bottle of wine, of course, it could be an ice bucket.

-For a party.

-Yeah!

You know, have your champagne in there.

-How much is it on for?

-30 quid.

-Oh! We've got to get this.

They're keen on the toleware bin

so dealer Suze called the owner to find out how low he'll go.

-Oh, well, Suze is here with the decision.

-Well, the answer was £20.

-Brilliant! We'll take it.

-Perfect!

-Yes, done deal.

-Definitely, come on.

-Thank you so much.

-Listen, you're a miracle worker. Thank you so much.

You're so good.

Tish and Mark are very pleased with their purchase.

-Are you happy?

-Delighted.

-I'm delighted with this wonderful thing.

Now, it's Jennifer's turn to get her haggling hat on.

Can she strike a deal with Nicole and Maddy on the hat and taper tins?

So, you've got 22 on that and you've got 19 on that.

What's your best price for the two?

I'll take £5 off so it'll be 14.

-Hmm...

-I can see your face.

-Well, I'd like to pay £10.

-You can have it for ten.

-OK.

-This is not mine.

-Oh, isn't it?

So, how do we negotiate with that?

So, usually it is 10%, but I'm sure I can let you have it for 15.

-That's not bad. Come on, Phil.

-I'd have the two for 20.

Can you do the two for 20?

-It's not mine.

-Hard bargain.

-Yeah.

OK, we've also got the child's chair, which is at 12.50,

and this bear at 14.

-Right, again, they're not mine so, erm, the chair can be eight.

-OK.

And the bear can be eight as well.

-15 for the two.

-If we can do 15 and 20, we'll have them.

-Oh, go on, then.

-Oh! You're fantastic! Thank you!

So, for £35, Jennifer and Phil have bought four more items.

And that means their shopping is complete.

-Right, I think we've done very well.

-And well done, you, Olive, too.

Olive's worn out.

Tish and Mark, meanwhile,

have made their way to the historic market town of Hungerford.

Situated in the heart of the North Wessex Downs,

it's home to Kimmer Antiques.

This family-run business has a wide variety of antiques

and collectibles on offer.

Nothing inside's grabbed Tish,

but she's spied something interesting outside.

Now, why do you like this?

Because I love the proportions. I love a child's chair.

You know, the really good ones go for hundreds and hundreds of pounds.

-They do.

-I mean, this doesn't seem to have a price on it.

Do you know what style of chair we call this?

-I'm... I know I should, but I don't.

-It's called a Windsor chair.

-A Windsor chair!

-And it's a very, very English design.

-Yes.

They started life, really, in the sort of 1740s,

1730s and onwards and they've been made ever since.

I can tell, even with my amateur eye,

that this isn't a particularly high quality one.

-And it's not old, particularly.

-And it's not old.

-But...

-Do you think it would sell?

-I think it's got

a charm about it, hasn't it?

There's no ticket price.

Time to call on dealer David.

David, now, what sort of price is that, David?

Can we start off around £80?

Good Lord, we can start there,

but we're going to end an awful lot lower.

-What do you think, Tish?

-Yes, what do you think?

-Erm...

HE MOUTHS

I can't quite believe what Mark has just mouthed at me

and I think it's probably a bit cheeky, but I'm going to be led

by my expert and I'm going to offer you, David, £20.

I could do 30 for you, Mark.

I think you're being very nice to Tish and I.

What do you think it'll make at auction? Do you think it'll be OK?

I think it'll be very OK if we sort of shook hands at 25.

-Would 28, Mark, suit you?

-Yes!

28, yes, I'm taking over this decision!

What am I doing here?

-Mark...

-Don't drive him any lower!

-It was a pleasure, sir.

I want £3 off for shaking my hand!

-28, thank you so much.

-That's wonderful, thank you very much.

£28, perfect.

Tish sealed that deal.

That's the little Windsor chair for £28.

-I love this chair.

-You do, don't you?

-I do.

Meanwhile, Jennifer, Phil and Olive have made their way to Newbury.

Jennifer is famed as one of the country's finest comediennes

so they've come to learn about the man who is credited

for inventing slapstick comedy, music hall impresario Fred Karno.

Here you are.

Here to tell them more

is Karno historian and biographer David Crump.

He started life, really, as an acrobat in the music halls

around 1888, but he literally took the music hall by storm.

I mean, he was the Andrew Lloyd Webber of his day

and if Fred Karno's name was above the door,

it didn't matter who was in the sketch.

Unlike a lot of music hall performers who had an act

and ran that act for 40 years,

Karno had a new sketch every three or four months

and a sketch was 20-30 minutes within a show

and he also had the Alex Ferguson approach to comics

in that he brought them in young,

trained them and then they were cheap.

Karno found and trained many young comics over the years

and two of Britain's best-loved comedians of their time

were discovered by Karno -

Charlie Chaplin and Stan Laurel.

They both joined him at about age 18.

Chaplin's older brother, Sid, actually was a Karno comic

and he was the star of Karno's sketches at the time.

Sid encouraged Karno to give his little brother a chance.

Karno didn't like the look of him initially,

thought he was far too puny and too young to do very much.

He brought him in, gave him a go and he developed slowly as a comic.

Stan Laurel joined about the same time, they were a similar age.

What actually happened was Karno was touring all over the world

by then and it was around the time the silent movies were starting

so gradually these comics started to get poached by the studios

and, in 1910, Karno sent a tour to America

and he didn't want to send Sid Chaplin for fear of Sid, his star,

-getting stolen by the pictures.

-So, the little brother...

-So, he sent the little brother.

-Charlie.

So, they went on this ship called the Cairnrona.

This is Chaplin in the centre. This is Stan Laurel.

Oh, look at him!

-He already looks like an old man!

-And they were, I think...

-His hat's, like, that big.

-So, he was, I think, about 21 then.

Both Chaplin and Laurel held Karno in high regard.

Stan Laurel once said, "Fred Karno didn't teach Charlie

"and me all we know about comedy - he just taught us most of it." Ha!

They also picked up from Karno the sort of control freak

that he was so he was involved with everything - he wrote them,

he directed them, he was in them.

-He even ended up buying the company that printed the posters.

-Wow!

He ended up running the theatres.

He had half a dozen theatres of his own

because he wanted to control the minutiae

and Stan Laurel was the same.

He wrote, he directed - he was the comedy brain

behind Laurel and Hardy and Chaplin, of course, was exactly the same.

Sid Chaplin eventually followed his brother Charlie to the States

and they went on to appear in a few films together,

including the 1923 silent movie The Pilgrim.

Written and directed by Charlie, the simple storyline is funny,

imaginative and well put together.

This classic comedy highlights both Charlie and Sid's natural talent

for slapstick comedy, which was nurtured by Karno.

Also known as The Guv'nor, Karno was a huge influence on early comedy

and the most important comedians of the early 20th century.

He made literally millions in today's money

and he invested it fairly badly in that he bought a hotel

on Taggs Island in the Thames by Hampton Court,

which he called the Karsino,

and put all of his money into this hotel and he basically lost the lot.

-It bankrupted him.

-Oh, no!

And it was also the time the First World War came along.

After the First World War, I think people wanted something different.

-Music hall was waning and, sadly, he ended up...

-They'd love it now.

-Yeah, absolutely.

-He ended up running an off-licence in Dorset

and left 40 quid in his will,

having gone from that absolute superstardom, yeah.

He is credited with inventing the custard pie in the face gag.

You always want it to stick to the face, too.

The consistency's got to be just right.

The consistency's very important - weight and consistency.

Crikey Moses!

-That's quite a good texture. That stuck and...

-It was perfect.

-Yeah.

That's good. What was that? That was quite good. Well done!

-Thank you.

-No!

Oh, no, thank you so much!

I'd run if I were you, Jennifer!

I'll just put my glasses back on.

Well, at least Olive's having her lunch.

Meanwhile, Patricia and Mark are still shopping in Hungerford.

They're making one last stop,

hoping for some final lots to take to auction.

-Oh...

-Oh, look at this!

-Oh, I can't bear it!

This is absolutely my kind of place.

Specialising in 19th and early 20th century antiques,

there's sure to be something to tickle Tish's Road Trip taste buds.

I really like this.

This is an old-fashioned boot scraper

so you plonk it down by your door and when you come in,

you can get all the mud off the bottom of your shoes

and it's got lovely wear on it here

and a lovely design.

It's sunk into concrete here, which is a little bit off-putting,

but, actually, the boot scraper itself, I think, is cast iron,

which is really good.

I can't see a price on it, which is a really bad sign.

It probably means it's incredibly expensive.

While Tish is eyeing up the boot scraper,

Mark's off for a snoop around the stock room with owner Stewart.

Oh, my gosh, it's like an Aladdin's cave!

Now...

..that looks rather interesting.

Is that a car mascot?

Car mascot, yeah,

-I imagine it is cos of the central bar in its mount.

-Yes.

It's brass or bronze?

It'll be brass, actually, looking at the colour of it.

-You can see that on a nice car, can't you?

-Yes.

-That's Art Deco, isn't it?

-Yes.

I mean, the shape of him, he's quite angular.

-I think I've got to show my celeb partner, you know.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, let's take that out.

-OK, right.

-Show-and-tell time, chaps.

-Right, what is it?

-I love this iron boot scraper.

-Oh, you know what it is!

You see, you've got an eye, haven't you? You're absolutely right.

I know it's in concrete, but I think it's good

and I think it possibly might be something interesting

that people would be keen to buy.

Well, it's a period one, late Victorian, I would have thought.

-Oh, OK.

-Yes, so if you're doing a house up again, it's nice to have,

but I've found something as well.

Have you? What have you found?

-I've found a car mascot.

-Oh, I love him! A little Staffy!

It's a Staffordshire bull terrier, isn't it?

-Oh, he's got weight.

-He has weight, solid.

But can you see the traces of silver?

-Yes.

-Well, that's chrome.

-Oh, right.

This would have been chromed, originally,

so it really would have shone out.

It's a really nice colour without the chrome, isn't it?

And if you think of chrome, what period do you think?

-Art Deco.

-Art Deco.

-But I love him, but I don't...

-Do you know how much he's...

No, and there's no price sticker on yours.

This could be a disaster or it could be really exciting.

-Shall we call Stewart in and find out?

-Yes, please.

Stewart, can I...

Right, Stewart, what's the damage?

Well, I could say £200 each, couldn't I?

I'd almost frighten you away.

-We would say, "Thank you very much and goodbye."

-Bye!

Erm, I was thinking 50 the two, actually, to you. 50 the...each.

Oh, I like 50 the two. I really like 50 the two!

-That was a slip of the tongue.

-We won't hold to you to that.

-50 each, actually.

-Sorry, 50 each. So, that's £100.

But if we were going to buy them together, would you knock a bit off?

I'd say £90.

Could you possibly stretch to 80?

-Hmm...

-Yes, of course he can.

-£90, I think, is the best.

-85?

-I'll go for 85.

-Are you sure?

-Thank you.

-No, I'm not sure,

but we'll leave it at that for the moment.

-Can we do that?

-Don't, he might change his mind.

-Shall we say 85?

-Yes, please.

I think that's a good deal for you two.

I think it is a good deal, it's a very good deal.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-Thank you so much, Stewart.

That very generous discount means Tish and Mark bag the brass mascot

for 50 and the boot scraper for 35.

All shopped up, the teams are back together,

ready to reveal what they've all bought.

-We're dying to see this.

-We are.

-Be careful.

-Oh, wow!

OK, I'm really envious of that.

-I do love the... Is it a luggage rack?

-Yes.

-Those are very in now, you know.

-Well, you know me.

-I'm bang on trend.

-Well, that's what Phil said and I'm relying on him.

No, they are.

How much did you pay for...

-30 quid.

-Oh, that's nothing, is it?

-That's absurd!

-That has grown on me so much.

-I love it, I love it.

-And look at the quality.

-Beautiful glazing.

-I'm really envious of that.

-Can we just show you that, what's inside...

-Oh!

-What do you mean, "eurgh"? It's not a dead thing.

-Well, what...

It's a barrister's wig.

Because people were barristers and they wore wigs.

They don't want to get new ones, they want to clean up old ones.

Do they, really?

You've worked that hard to get your position

and you're going to buy some ratty old thing?

Then we have a job lot here of bear and chair. Chair bear!

I'm completely obsessed with your collection of stone here.

-I think those...

-And I love the corner cabinet.

Yes, this cabinet's the money.

This is the sleeper, this is the sleeper.

-Oh, is it?

-Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

-I think Olive's the sleeper.

Actually, Olive's the sleeper.

It's Tish and Mark's turn.

Are you ready for this?

Time to reveal those turkeys. Brace yourself.

-SHE GASPS

-Ohhh...

Bastards!

So sorry!

-I felt so guilty about it.

-Is she a friend of yours?

Is she a friend of yours?

-I don't rate that.

-Why?

-It's useless.

OK, the important thing is, how much did the turkeys cost you?

£190.

What do you think they'll make?

I think they might make £400-£500.

-I like the boot scraper.

-Good, that was my choice.

-I love the boot scraper.

-The little chair, I'm quite jealous of.

I think, seriously, the only thing you're going to lose on is this.

I don't think we will, you know.

Cos it's a good interior design item.

I am quite cross about the turkeys!

No, but I won't be cross when they lose a lot of money on it, Phil.

-It's a risk. I think it's honestly a risk.

-I think it's a risk.

I think it's time to go and find some custard pies,

isn't it, to get our revenge?

I think we've got a couple of sleepers.

I'll give you a head start. Ready, steady, go - off you go!

Yaay!

So, out of earshot, what did they really make of each other's lots?

I think they were a bit peeved about the turkeys.

Oh, I don't know why you would get that impression.

I couldn't believe those turkeys, could you?

Well, the truth is I'm glad they've got them

cos I'm interested to know what they might get for them

because then we'll know.

-I was envious of the stone lions.

-Oh, you love those.

-I love those.

I think they're great for a London flat.

-If you've got a small garden flat, perfect.

-Sure.

-They could make money, actually.

-I think they could.

-Oh, I love that. It's so cool.

-It's useful, too.

It's a log basket, it's whatever you want.

I think Jennifer is quite disappointed she didn't buy them.

-Yeah, I think so, too.

-I just hope we don't get stuffed.

Well, let's find out, shall we?

After starting in Taplow,

our teams have shopped up all around Berkshire, Buckinghamshire

and Oxfordshire and Jennifer and Tish are now motoring

towards Greenwich for the big finale.

Leaving Olive at home today, Jennifer is planning

to unleash her newly-acquired antiques expertise

on the auction room.

I'm going to lick the auctioneer, lick all my items...

I might lick Mark.

I'm going to lick every person that's in the auction house.

I'm going to go up and lick them!

JENNIFER LAUGHS

And then I'm going to look at some of them and say,

"I think you may have been restored."

I think they've lost it, myself.

The venue for today's lick-athlon is Greenwich Auctions,

where Mark and Phil are waiting to greet the girls.

-Brakes!

-Brakes!

-Hello!

-How are you, lovely? Are you all right?

-Hello!

-Hello!

-Hello, are you excited about this? It's auction day.

-Good to see you.

-Oh, you, too.

-Too hot for Olive.

-Oh, quite right, too.

-Mr Stacey!

-Are you excited about this?

-I'm very excited. I can't wait!

Oh, lovely to see you.

-Let's go in, let's go in.

-Let's go in.

The man with the gavel today is Robert Dodd,

so what does he make of everyone's lots?

I like the lions - shame there isn't three, three lions,

then you've got a chance of a sportsperson buying them.

The turkeys, I'm not going to say it,

but someone's going to use it, aren't they?

Are they going to be a turkey? I don't know.

Time will soon tell.

Patricia and Mark spent the most on this trip,

splashing out £343 on six auction lots,

while Jennifer and Philip bought five lots,

costing them a total of £240.

Today's auction has buyers both online and in the room

so let battle commence!

The opening lot is Tish's little Windsor chair.

Bid's with me at £20 only on that chair.

Looking for 22, 22, 25, 28, 30. Two, five I need.

It's £3. Go on! 35 there, at eight over there, looking for 40.

-£40 there.

-£40 - £12 up.

Looking for 45.

Are we all done at £42 only?

That's only £10 a leg.

Are we all done at £42?

Yaay! Thank you!

A solid profit to start with. Great stuff!

-£14 profit.

-We're really, really pleased for you.

-I can see that, Philip.

-Really, really pleased for you.

Oh, you old grump!

Time for Jennifer and Phil's first lot,

the Georgian-style luggage rack.

£30 I've got, looking for 32. Are we all done on that table at only 30?

32 there, looking for 35.

32 I've got and I want £35, worth all of that. Are we all done?

-We're in trouble.

-Seated at £32...

Cor, that Robert's a bit handy with the gavel.

But that's a loss for Jennifer and Phil.

Did you see that awful chair that made £42 and that beautiful...

Philip, you've said that once already. Don't be bitter.

I'm not bitter!

Not much(!) Next up, it's Tish's Victorian boot scraper.

Straight in with a big £15.

Ooh, £15! Come on!

20 with me, looking for 22.

-Come on.

-22, five with me.

28, 30. Two, five, eight, I'm out.

Yes? 38 there, looking for... £40 standing.

40! Come on!

Are we all done? 42 there. 45, 48.

I feel absolutely kippered here.

Yes!

60 I've got, looking for 65. Are we all done?

-65 is back.

-65!

Are we all done at £65?

-Yaay!

-No, don't.

Another money-maker there for Tish and Mark.

-I want to go shopping with you more.

-Yaay!

-Come buying with me!

-I would love to.

-They're ignoring us.

Let's see if Jennifer and Phil can pull in a profit

with their trio of tins, including the legal wig.

Looking for 35, 35, 38, 42, five, eight, 55, 60, I'm out.

65 I want. 65, 70. 75, 80.

85, 90. 95, 100. And ten. 120, 130. 140.

-Whoa!

-I said it was asleep and it woke up.

160. 160 on the telephone.

170. 180, I need.

-It's the wig.

-Well done, my darling.

-180!

-180 there.

190 on the second phone.

Last time at £200...

-Wow!

-130!

He looks so sincere, doesn't he?

Hey, Jennifer predicted the tins and wig would fly and, boy, did they!

I'm very pleased about that. Do you know what it was? The tapers.

Oh, yeah(!) Moving on, it's the turn

of Tish and Mark's toleware bin next.

The bid's with me, straight in at only £25 on that.

£5 in profit.

Looking for 32. Where's 32? Five with me, looking for 38.

Are we all done at 35? Are we all done at 35?

38. 40 with me. Two, I'm out.

£42 in front, looking for 45. Are we all done?

Last time at £42...

Do you know what? I thought they'd make a lot more than that.

Still a great profit, not to be sniffed at.

Catch up with the wig, with Wiggy Wig over here.

There's a long way to go.

That, there is.

We're just over halfway

and Jennifer and Phil's Georgian cupboard is up next.

And the bid's with me, straight in at £45.

You're £15 in profit already.

45. Eight, I'm out. Looking for 50. Are we all done?

Last time at £48 on that cabinet...

Another tidy earner for Phil and Jennifer.

-Well, that's a bit of a profit.

-A profit is a profit.

Wise words. Time for Tish's Victorian scrapbook next.

And the bid's with me, straight in at only £22 on that.

-Oh, come on.

-25, eight, 30, I'm out. Looking for 32.

£30 I have, it's worth more than that.

I've got 30. He's going to steal this at 30.

Two I've got, five, eight. 38 there, 40 I want. 40 I've got.

Yes, we've doubled our money again!

All done? Standing at £40...

The profits are flying in today.

They've still got to make money on the turkeys.

Nobody would want to buy that.

Next, it's Jennifer and Phil's staddle stone and lions.

I've got 40, I want 42. Five, eight, I'm out. £48 on these.

-I'll get my mother to phone in.

-48, £50 and five.

And 60, sir. 60 in the middle of the room, five I want.

-Come on.

-And 70, why not? 65, I'm looking for 70.

Go on! Jennifer, you've got to work this. Get up, Jennifer!

Come on, boys!

-75, on the phone at 75, looking for 80.

-One more!

-Go on!

-One more!

75, looking for 80. 75, looking for 80.

-One more!

-At £75 on the telephone...

-No!

Damn it!

A disappointing loss, there. Hard cheese!

I was so determined not to lose that much money.

Tish and Mark are up again,

this time with their Art Deco brass car mascot.

It's got to start with a bid with me of only £40 on this. 42 I need.

I've got 42, five here. Looking for 48.

Come on.

-60 with me, looking for 65. That's 70 here.

-Come on.

Looking for 75.

-Are we all done on the dog? Last time...

-Come on!

-75, I'm out.

Looking for 80. Are we all done?

At £75...

The doggy's done good. Great profit there.

So, this is turkeys v chair.

Turkeys v chair and bear. Let's not forget the bear!

Who could, Jennifer? Here we go, it's the children's chair and bear.

Straight in at only £42.

Hello? Anyone out there? 45 I want. Anywhere... 42 with me. 45 I want.

The lady's here. 45, 48, 50, five out there.

Looking for 60 on this, I've got 55.

I'll take 58, then. Last time on the chair and bear at £55...

Fantastic result. Well done.

-That was a better profit.

-Actually, you've made a good profit.

We're all in profit.

Jennifer and Phil are in the lead.

It all comes down to the last lot -

those Bergman cold-painted bronze turkeys.

Will the crowd gobble them up?

Looking for 95 on these two birds. I've got 95. 100. 110. 120.

130 I need. 130. 140. 150 I want. Second phone is 160. 170.

180 I need. 180. 190 I need.

190. 200 he needs. £200 on the second phone.

-I really want these to do well.

-220 I want.

-Well done, Stace, well done.

Well done. On Louis' phone, 240 I want. 20 and 250. 250 and 260.

-260 I've got. 270. All done at 260?

-Come on!

-270. Back of the room.

280 I want. 280. 290 there, looking for 300. You're going to do it.

310 in the room, 320 I need.

It's still going.

-I should have let you buy these, shouldn't I?

-Don't worry!

350 and 60.

-£360 on the telephone.

-Well done, Stace, well done.

-Yeah, well done.

370, looking for 380.

380, looking for 390. 390, looking for 400.

-That's incredible.

-400!

410 in the room, take 420.

420. 430. 440 I need.

440 on the telephone, is it?

I've got 430 in the room. Are we all done?

This time, last time at £430...

Give them a round of applause!

That is an absolutely terrific profit!

Jennifer and Phil must regret not buying them. They started with £400.

After paying auction costs, they made a tidy profit of £96.20

so they end the trip with a marvellous...

Not bad, not bad!

Tish and Mark also kicked off with £400

and they, too, made a profit,

making a very impressive £226.08 after auction costs.

So, they're crowned today's winners, finishing with a huge...

All profits go to Children In Need.

-Well done, Stace. Well done, you.

-I am competitive, I have to say.

-We're all winners.

-Yeah, we are.

Just some have won bigger than others.

There are no losers. There are only winners here.

That's what all good losers say, Jennifer. Ha!

Let's drive off into the sunset.

Bye!

Bye!

-I'm going to miss this.

-I'm going to miss it.

Can we just do this all the time?

-I'm going to miss Phil and Mark so much.

-I know!

-It has been the best fun.

-It's been fantastic.

It's been marvellous having you. Toodle-pip, girls.