David Harper v Paul Hayes - Car Boot Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

This is Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is,

the show that pitches TV's best-loved antiques experts

against each other in an all-out battle for profit...

Ha-hey!

..and gives you the insider's view of the trade!

I'm on the case!

-Woo-hoo!

-Each week, one pair of duelling dealers

will face a different daily challenge...

I'm a cheeky chancer! Lah-vely!

..putting their reputations on the line

and giving you top tips and savvy secrets

on how to make the most money from buying and selling.

Let's go and spend some money.

Get in there!

Today, devilish deal-doer David Harper

takes on purchasing powerhouse Paul Hayes.

Coming up, Paul has comedic competition...

It's damage, but its character. Right, there we are.

-I do the jokes, all right?

-Sorry!

THEY LAUGH

David tries to make 'em laugh...

What did the 0 say to the 8?

You say, "I don't know."

-I don't know.

-Nice belt.

And one man's musical ability fails to impress.

HE PLAYS OUT OF TUNE

I'm expecting to see the snake come up here!

-Would you like an encore?

-No.

This is Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is.

Prepare for the ultimate in hand-to-hand antiques combat

as our two experts in martial decorative arts

step into the ring and get down to business.

From the mysterious land of Durham,

the lone fighter with a black belt in bargain hunting,

enter the dragon - It's "Devilish" David Harper.

He's versus the inscrutable

Paul "Mr Morecambe" Hayes,

the grand master who will kung fu hustle up a profit from nowhere

and send his opponents reeling.

They've travelled to the mystic Northeast to go head-to-head

and risk their own money and put their skills to the test.

Today, they've come to the Bilton Giant Indoor Car Boot Fayre

in North Shields. Their goal is to defeat one another

with a low sweep of the best bargains

and a high kick of the ultimate profits.

They've each got £250 of their own money to spend,

and all the profit goes to their chosen charities.

David Harper and Paul Hayes,

it's time to Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is!

-Ah, why-aye, David!

-Ah, why-aye, Paul. How are you, mate?

That's my best Northeast accent.

That was mine as well, and both a bit on the rubbish side, I'd say.

I'll tell you what's really unusual about today.

-What's that?

-It's a car boot sale.

-Yeah?

-But it's inside. How civilised is that?

I think that's the best form of car-boot sale, don't you?

So, do you have some kind of a broad plan of attack, Paul?

Yeah, I do, actually.

I'm trying to buy a wide variety of items, but to be honest,

I don't want to pay anything more than £20, £30, for anything today.

-No more than 20 or 30 quid?

-No more than 20 or 30 quid.

Good luck, because I think car boots are getting more expensive by the day!

But I think for me, my broad plan of attack is, as ever,

pull the antiques out, Paul, I always get a wonderful satisfaction

when I pull an antique out of a car boot,

so if I can do that, marvellous.

-OK. Well, good luck to you, mate.

-You too.

-Which way's Byker Grove?

-Left.

-OK.

Let's get ready to rumble!

MUSIC: "Let's Get Ready To Rumble" by PJ and Duncan

The antiques world's answer to PJ and Duncan

might be all chummy to begin with, but soon it'll be time

for our world-class warriors to take their positions

and get ready to rumble!

This is a contest where control and deadly precision are everything

but what secret techniques

do these two have to floor their opponents and win the contest?

Do you know what? I love car-boot sales cos the variety is endless.

You can get things for 10p, you can get things for £20.

There's something, really, for everybody,

but my weapon today is a bag full of pound coins

for the simple reason, everything, hopefully, is going to be £8, £6,

I can give the correct change.

That way, I don't have to produce a pound note

and don't feel obliged to give more than it's worth.

So Paul's taking a chance on his change getting his choices

as cheap as chips, but what's David plotting?

Now, what I didn't reveal to Paul earlier on is that

I do actually have a secret weapon.

I didn't want to reveal it to Paul

because it's something to do with Paul.

What I did when I got home the other day,

I searched online for very poor

or very good jokes, depending on how you view them,

I thought, "I'm going to use them."

It works for Paul. He tells beauties all the time,

and I think it gets him discounts,

so I'm going to try and use the Paul Hayes School Of Jokes

to attempt to get me some discount.

I think it'll work really well.

With their special moves revealed,

our high-kicking masters fly through the air in pursuit of some prime purchases.

And it's Paul who lands first,

as he buys a pair of decorative vases for £40.

I've landed on these.

They're one of the best names in the art deco world, Malings, great,

all sort of 1930s into 1950s.

Hopefully, I can find a collector of Maling ware.

They made all sorts of geometric shapes,

all sorts of different designs.

The important thing with these is that they're in good condition,

complete, and they are marked on the bottom.

So a strong start from Paul there,

but David isn't left reeling for too long

and retaliates when something grabs his attention.

There's, um, a good example of a Thermos flask of some sort,

dating, what do you reckon, 1950s?

-1950s, yeah.

-Yeah. And its original leather carrying case.

That's positively straight out

of the hunting-shooting-fishing brigade, isn't it?

-Absolutely.

-Bang on.

It even has someone's name in there - A Barker.

-Have you seen that?

-It's as good as the day it was made, isn't it?

The seal's still on it and everything, yes.

-And made to last forever, not made to break.

-No.

So you've got a big cork.

Look at that, I mean, it's just so functional.

That's really wacky, isn't it?

Now then, for me, how much is it?

-25.

-25.

I think I just have to have it. Thank you very much indeed.

-You're welcome.

-Thank you. Marvellous.

David equalises with his hunting Thermos flask

but Paul has located a pair of maps that have sparked his interest.

Let's have a look. So this one's Hereford and this one's Gloucester.

And they're £8 each, are they?

I quite like them, actually. I like maps.

it says on the back, "Hereford from a map of 1840 by Thomas Moule."

-So how much are they?

-£8 each.

-Yes, I can see that.

-Right!

Hey, there's no pulling the wool over your eyes, is there?

£8 each. So that means it's £16 for the pair.

Could you do anything for them for me? And a smile.

-14?

-£14. £7 each.

Go on, I'll have them for £14

-and luckily, I have the correct change.

-Smashing.

How's that? Nice to see you, mate. I like them, yeah.

Paul's purchase puts him back on the map

but David doesn't need directions to find his next target,

a pair of green hanging lamps.

However, the stallholder isn't there today

and has left his wares in the hands of his friend, Keith.

OK, any idea how much he wants for them?

It's £45 for the pair, I believe.

45 for the pair.

Circa 1930, would you agree?

-Something like that.

-Yeah.

-Round about there.

-Nice colour.

-Could we have a look at one?

-Certainly.

-Would you mind?

That is absolutely lovely. Look at that colour.

Can you imagine that thing lit?

Gorgeous shaped glass.

You could just imagine that in a three-bedroom semi

anywhere in the UK, brand-new in 1930.

That would have been absolutely the height of fashion, wouldn't it?

The most trendiest light fitting you could buy in its day.

Even though it's got a Victorian sort of feel to it,

it's definitely an early 20th-century one.

-Now, Keith, are you authorised to do full negotiations?

-Yes.

What kind of money are you thinking, Keith?

This is bulk purchasing here. Eh?

I've been instructed to go to 40.

Oh, for goodness sake! I'll tell you what I'll do with you.

Time for David to deploy his secret weapon.

-Now, Paul Hayes is the master of joke telling, right?

-Right.

Now, if I can give you a Paul Hayes joke and you laugh,

can I have them for 35?

If you don't laugh, I'll give you 40.

-Go on, then.

-Are you ready?

-I'm ready.

-Get ready, Keith.

-I'm ready.

-Prepare to laugh.

-I'm prepared not to.

I asked my yoga instructor if he could teach me to do the splits.

He said to me, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesday."

WOMAN LAUGHS

She's laughing, Keith! She's laughing! Keith, she's laughing!

"I can't make Tuesday!"

WIND HOWLS, BELL TOLLS

Oh, go on, then.

-Is that a laugh?

-35.

-Oh, good man!

Hey, it works! The Paul Hayes School Of Jokes, it worked!

What a result! David jokes the price down

and draws even with Paul's two purchases.

But "Mr Morecambe" has already tuned in to his next target.

Look at that. It's a recorder. Can I have a little play?

-Yeah.

-I can play...

HE PLAYS RANDOM NOTES

That's jazz for you, isn't it? That's called improvisation.

That's one word for it, Paul.

How much is your recorder, mate?

-Fiver.

-A fiver? I might have that for a fiver.

Where else do you get a really good working instrument for five quid?

I'll have that, mate. Thank you very much.

So Paul gets a three-two lead

in this game of antiques snakes and ladders.

Do you know what? To get some bargains today,

I've got to use my charming skills.

I'm going to practise on this snake. Any minute now.

Hmm. Making a bit of an ASP of himself.

Now, before we find out how our two masters of arts and crafts

are getting on at the halfway point of this epic buying battle,

David and Paul step out of the ring to compare notes.

Do you normally buy your shoes from car boots?

-Ah, do you know what? And just loafing around.

-Oh!

-I can't get enough of them! I love them.

-I can.

-But anyway, I've got my secret weapon.

-Oh, in your pocket there?

Yeah, have you got one?

Well, it's all down to you. I call it the ultimate secret weapon,

and it is actually, it's inspired by you.

-Right, so it's either going to be a song...

-No.

..or a really good joke.

You've heard them laughing, haven't you?

-Do you know the secret of a good joke?

-No...

-Timing!

-Oh!

-Did you see what I did there?

What's the secret of a good joke? Timing!

Yes, we've reached the midway point of our antiques tournament

so it's time to find out

who's smashing a piece of wood with their bare hands

and who's hitting their head against a brick wall.

David and Paul each started the day with £250 of their own money.

"Devilish" David Harper has done two deals, spending £60,

leaving him with £190 in the kitty.

Paul "Mr Morecambe" Hayes has bought three items

at a total cost of £59,

meaning he has £191 still to spend.

With round two about to kick off,

David is lagging behind and is beginning to buckle

under the pressure of this competitive collision.

I've really got to pull my finger out here, I think,

because just meeting Paul there,

he seems very comfortable and confident,

which is not a good thing for me,

so I've really got to get my act together here.

But Mr Sunshine himself, Paul, is also suffering some self-doubt.

It really is hard sometimes to keep upbeat

and to keep all these bad jokes going

and sometimes you feel like the world is getting you down,

but it's great to have a soul mate who knows exactly how I'm feeling.

Look at him. He's told one joke too many,

he can't tell any jokes any more, and he'll live on.

You're all right, mate, keep your chin up, son. You'll be all right.

There's no time for clowning around

when there's buying business to get on with

and Paul soon spots a watercolour that catches his attention.

-I can see it's got a little bit of foxing on here.

-Yes.

"John Hayton, 1873", but you said it might be somewhere in particular.

Yes, that's right. I can't quite remember the name.

-I think it says it on the back there, yes.

-"Saltwood..."

-Saltwood Castle.

-Saltwood Castle.

-He is a recognised artist, he has got other pictures.

-Oh, right.

So how much is he?

Well, I had 35 on it, but I could do it for 25 for you.

Couldn't make it a round £20?

Well, I think so, since I can't quite remember the whole story!

Well, do you know what, this is the beauty now.

I can go away, and this is the bit I love,

-it's finding out exactly where this was.

-OK.

I think it's interesting to have...

-This building is probably the same as it is now.

-Well, that's right.

Yeah, I think I'll have that, if that's all right, for £20.

I don't think you can do anything with the foxing, as it's watercolour.

Sometimes it adds character, especially when it's got age.

Do you know, I'll remember that.

"Right, it's damage, but it's character." Right, there we are.

-I do the jokes, all right?

-Sorry!

THEY LAUGH

Paul is a picture of happiness with his watercolour

but David fights back when he spots an antique cigar cutter.

Have you dated it?

-1899.

-1899? There you go.

There's the elusive genuine antique at a car boot. Not bad.

What sort of money?

-65-ish.

-Oof!

There you go, the elusive antique at antique money.

So, can you imagine you're a gentleman in your club in London?

This is the kind of thing you would keep on your person at all times

because whenever you fancied a cigar,

you would use your cigar cutter, you'd put the cigar in the end,

and rather than, as you see in the cowboy movies,

they bite them off and then start smoking, that's very unrefined,

the sophisticated way to do it, every gentleman knows this,

you put your cigar in the end,

nip the end off,

a little tip comes out of here

and a snapshot way back to the late Victorian period.

What could we do? What can you do for me, Bill?

-50.

-50 quid.

How about...? I'm going to offer you a challenge.

Keen to get the best price, David wheels out his strategy again.

-If I tell you a joke and you laugh...

-Yeah?

-..40 quid.

If you don't laugh, I'll give you your 50.

If I don't laugh, 60.

Oh, no! Because you look like a man who could possibly not laugh.

-That's right.

-That's slightly worrying to me.

-That's right.

You're laughing now, so maybe! It's from the Paul Hayes School Of Jokes.

-You're going to be in trouble. They're brilliant.

-Come on.

-OK, you ready? Are you prepared, Bill?

-I'm prepared.

-OK, just loosen up a bit.

-I'm loose.

-Relax.

-I'm relaxed.

Get into the mode. It's going to be a short one,

so you've got to keep your ears pricked.

What did the 0 say to the 8?

You say "I don't know."

-I don't know.

-"Nice belt."

Look at the crowd! Look at my audience!

They think it's hilarious, Bill!

I can't believe it. The Paul Hayes School Of Jokes has failed.

-50 quid.

-Thank you.

Well done, you just earned yourself a tenner.

Yes, his joke may have fallen flat

but the cigar cutter helps him catch up, making it three-four to Paul,

but David soon makes it even

when he spots a pair of candle lamps.

They're good. What kind of money are they to me?

-Go on, tempt me.

-We've got... What have we got? We've got 20 on them.

-20, yeah.

-15?

Ooh, you're a hard woman, aren't you? I can sense it, I can sense it.

How about ten quid?

12.

Go on, then. Thank you very much. Marvellous.

Well, there you go. I think that's a really nice, interesting purchase

and always good to have a pair of anything but this is, for me,

the interesting thing, the White Star, Liverpool, of course,

representing the ocean liners.

They're probably not in period and when I say in period,

we're talking early 20th century, 1910, 1912,

the time of the Titanic, but they've got the look,

they're interesting, you have a pair of them,

they're ready to hang on the wall, they're ready to go,

and for 12 quid, £6 each, they are what I would describe as

a true car-boot bargain. These are the things we're looking for.

A deft move from the devilish one there

but Paul sails back into the lead

when he catches a fair wind and buys a naval uniform.

You know what? The more I look at this, the more I really like it.

It's a real quality naval uniform.

It looks like the gentleman has seen some military service.

These are all ribbons belonging to medals, and the colours

of the ribbons represents which medal the gentleman actually won,

it was awarded to.

This one, to me, looks like Italy. This one is French and German

and I think this one might actually be the Atlantic Fleet,

to do with the Second World War.

What I have got at home is a lovely reference book which I can look up

each individual medal and see what campaigns he was involved in,

and that might help me place where this uniform was worn.

It would be fantastic if my theory about the stripes comes true

and this is a high-ranking officer.

Then we have got a great piece of naval history, all for 20 quid.

Bargain, really.

So Paul's happy with his suit and it's almost the end of round two

but before the final gong sounds,

Paul takes pity on David's clowning abilities

and offers him a comedy masterclass.

So why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers?

-I don't know.

-Just in case they get a hole-in-one.

HE LAUGHS

Look at that. Hey!

Hey, he's good. He's good, isn't he?

Send him back to Morecambe!

Thank you very much! Now, don't forget, David,

it's "Copyright Paul Hayes".

So, armed with Paul's joke, David sets his sights on a shooting stick

that he'd like to walk away with.

That's a good shooting stick, don't you think?

You know what these things are for? You can imagine going for...

a shoot and while you're waiting,

you can just push the stick into the ground

and rest your weary legs, or, at the racecourse, of course,

similarly, you could do that, you can go to a boating regatta,

you could go for a picnic. It's just a good, useful thing,

and what's really unusual with this is the leather.

I mean, they're not always in leather but they're certainly not

always in this leather, and this leather is ostrich.

You can tell that by the big bobbles.

So very thick, very hard-wearing,

lovely colour, that kind of caramel colour.

Good quality, made in England, with its original tag.

Something like this, stamp on the base there, "Made In England",

it's probably no more than 20 or 30 years old but it's just quality,

and when you find something that is quality, it will scream it.

So priced at £20, um...

It's OK, could be doing with being a little cheaper,

of course, but it is quality, so let's find a... Oh, Keith.

-You are the man, again.

-Once again.

-Once again.

Come in to the lion's den, Keith.

-What is the best for me?

-The best...

-Go on.

-..is 18.

-£18?

-18.

-£18?

-Good price.

What if...

I deliver to you the best joke?

Cos I've just been told it, Paul's just taught me this new joke.

15 is as low as I can go.

-15 or 18, then.

-CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM THEME PLAYS

-That's how confident I am.

-OK.

-Are you a golfer, Keith?

-No.

-You know that they wear trousers, don't you?

-Yes.

-OK, get this, then.

Why, then, do golfers wear four pairs of...

No. I'll do that again. Why, then...

Does that count? He just laughed. Hang on.

David's doing his best, but he's no Paul Hayes.

Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers? All about delivery.

-Why do they were two pairs of trousers?

-I don't know.

Why do they wear two pairs of trousers?

In case they get a hole-in-one.

Yes! Yes!

Paul Hayes, that's one down to you.

I owe Paul a couple of pints for that.

Keith, thank you very much. £15.

And David's clanger sounds the end of the final round of buying,

meaning it's time to see who's the crouching dealer

and who's the leaping expert. Rarr!

Our battling boys each started the day

with £250 of their own money to spend.

"Devilish" David Harper finishes with five purchases,

having spent £137.

Paul "Mr Morecambe" Hayes has matched him,

also with 5 deals but spent less - just £99.

But it's all about who will make the most profit.

Our two karate kids have waxed on and waxed off,

but now it's time for them to get together

to wax lyrical about their day's purchases.

-These are the way you like to do car boots, aren't they?

-Under cover.

Every car boot from now on should actually be under cover.

-They're perfect.

-Not a car in sight.

-Not a car in sight. Who cares?

It's a car boot indoors with no cars! It's great.

-So how have you got on?

-Brilliant! Interesting, quirky sorts of things.

-Yes.

-Lamps.

-There's a running theme. You've got two pairs of lamps.

-Two pairs of lamps.

-This is the White Star Line, isn't that?

-White Star Line, Titanic.

-Titanic, yeah.

Early 20th century, romantic, massive ocean-going liners,

transatlantic, wonderful.

-I must admit, though, I get that sinking feeling.

-Oh, you do?

-THEY LAUGH

Now then, believe it or not, I have bought some quite serious items.

-I bought two pieces of Maling.

-Local interest.

-Yeah, exactly.

-A lovely watercolour.

-Very nice, yes.

So I think I could probably frame that up. And a naval jacket.

This guy's seen a bit of history here, I think.

-That...

-Yes.

-..is so Paul Hayes.

-It is.

-It's musical, just like you.

-Do you want to hear some improv jazz?

-Would you mind?

-Are you ready?

-Shall I count you in?

-Go like that.

One, two, three. Take it away.

PLAYS TUNELESSLY

-Come on, tap your feet.

-No, that was rubbish. Oh, sorry.

Excellent, Paul. You might need a bit of help with your recorder,

-but never mind.

-I think I need a bit of help with my jokes as well.

You don't. Your jokes are magnificent.

-Get your uniform on, get selling.

-All right, good man.

Our fantastic fighters might well be armed to the teeth

with an assortment of wonderful weaponry,

but they now step into the selling ring

and prepare for the most ferocious fight yet.

They'll be aiming high as they attempt to sell their goods

for profit and maximise their margins in a bid to come out on top.

Back in Morecambe,

Grandmaster Hayes is contemplating his day's catch.

What have I bought? Well, I bought an eclectic mix.

First of all, I bought a fantastic naval uniform,

and it is from the British Navy.

What threw me, actually, was the letter R on the arm,

but that's the Reserves,

so that's been a really interesting item to research.

The maps - one good map of Gloucester which dates from maybe 1900,

1890, 1900. The other one of Hereford is a modern reproduction,

so I need to find someone in the Gloucester area,

hopefully, for that one.

I was expecting to find some items like this. This is Maling,

it's the biggest factory to come out of the Newcastle area.

And then this one, the watercolour here -

see, I'm using this as a pointer here - the watercolour,

that actually turns out to be Saltwood Castle,

which is in Hythe in Kent. And then, of course,

I've got this do-it-yourself improv jazz busking kit.

So take it away, fellas.

PLAYS TUNELESSLY

Oh, yeah!

Oooh! Paul's in improv heaven,

but how is David feeling in Barnard Castle?

Well, I hope you're going to agree with me when I say

that this is not a bad old haul for a car boot.

So what have we got? A pair of 1930s glass hanging light shades.

Absolutely the business.

This thing is really posh -

a shooting stick covered in ostrich leather,

or ostrich-esque leather, but really good quality.

English-made. This is funky -

my flask from the 1950s, made in Germany. Beautiful condition,

so well engineered with its original leather carrying case.

And then I've got a pair of candle lamps here,

with the White Star Line emblem,

so dating in their style to the early 20th century.

Think Titanic, think 1912. Very glamorous.

And then, the gentleman's bit of kit -

the 1899 solid silver cigar cutter.

So, all in all, that is the business.

A great collection, great fun doing it,

and now the real hard work begins,

because everything on there has to be turned into hard cash.

So here we go.

Yes, he's not wrong.

The gong sounds and the two tussling experts

set about doing what they do best,

finding buyers for their superlative sales items,

knowing that until they get that final handshake

and the money is in their hands, no deal is truly sealed.

And nobody does it better than Paul Hayes.

He's the first to get moving when he takes

the World War II naval uniform for a trip to the coast.

After doing some research on this jacket, on this uniform,

this belonged to a Lieutenant Commander

of the British Royal Navy.

Actually, Paul, it's pronounced "LEFF-tenant", but carry on.

Exactly the same regiment and rank as Mr James Bond.

Hayes, Paul Hayes...

antiques agent double-oh, no, not another old joke.

Paul spies a possible buyer for the naval suit that cost him

£20, taking it to a naval museum in New Brighton run by Dougie.

-BOTH:

-Nice to see you.

When I came across this, I wasn't sure what it represented.

It looked like a British naval jacket.

I looked at the ribbons on top here, and using a book,

I've managed to work out what the ribbons are.

You've got the 1939 Star, the Atlantic Star,

which meant that he was in charge of the Atlantic crossings,

the Italy Star, the Defence Medal, the War Medal,

and a Long Service, Good Conduct medal.

So chances are he was involved in the Atlantic Convoys.

What was happening at the time then, during the Second World War?

Well, certainly Liverpool was the gateway to America.

I think the Battle of the Atlantic was actually the longest battle

of the Second World War. Its headquarters was in Liverpool.

So you think this may have had some connection to Liverpool, then?

It could well have done, Paul. The chap, the person that owned it,

would almost certainly have sailed from Liverpool

at some point in his career, so it's welcome home, really.

That's amazing, isn't it? It was meant to be.

Is there any way you could actually trace this

to a particular Lieutenant Commander?

-Is there any way I can do that?

-I doubt it.

There may be a number inside, but it's a very, very long shot.

So you would use this as an exhibit here, as a display piece?

-Yes, definitely.

-Well, I'd love you to have it.

I think it's a great example.

-There are a pair of pants there as well.

-Yes, very nice.

If I was to ask you £60 for this,

would that be asking too much or would be a reasonable price?

Yes, yeah, we are a museum of volunteers

and don't really have great funds,

but certainly, yes, I think we'd make that, yes.

-Does that sound a reasonable price?

-If you're happy, Paul, yes.

I'm happy with that. Where do I get my medal?

-Have you got my medal? For bad jokes.

-I've got a big one.

-Have you?

An unshaken Paul stirs up a £40 profit on the uniform,

and sails into the lead.

You know what, it's hard to believe that that particular uniform

of a Lieutenant Commander could have belonged to a gentleman

that was on a vessel that sailed out from the centre of Liverpool here

to protect the Atlantic convoys in that direction.

Isn't that quite poignant?

I'm delighted I found a good home for it, but a bit of profit,

but you know what? I may have won the battle, David,

but I haven't won the war yet. It's all hands on deck.

Indeed it is, Paul. But David's feet are firmly on dry land,

as he goes hunting for a big profit

on his 1950s flask that cost him £25.

He takes it to another Barnard Castle-based dealer,

who is also called David,

and who specialises in sporting antiques.

Well, David, I want to show you the most wonderful flask.

-It looks interesting, David.

-You like that, don't you?

-Yes, yes.

Immediately, I knew that you would appreciate that lovely leather case.

Something in a leather case like that is always for fishing people.

So, hang on. There you go.

So, a cracking leather case, and look at that thing.

It's such engineered beauty.

German manufactured, German engineered.

-What sort of age would you think?

-50s?

-Yes, yes.

-I would go along with that. Can we open it?

-Go for it.

Oh, that looks good, David.

-Doesn't it?

-Yes.

-Look at that cork.

-Yes.

The original cork.

And look, that just slips on and stays there.

-So the fishermen can have his soup or whatever he wants.

-Yes.

-Exactly.

-No, that's a good thing, David.

Now, would fishermen actually use that today,

or was it just something that you would have

-in your gentleman's study?

-We have a lot of fishermen

still fish with traditional tackle - split cane rods, the old reels,

and they most certainly would.

Right, so it's going to be used by a proper, traditional fisherman?

More than likely. The crux of the matter is the price.

I reckon if I could get somewhere around 50 quid.

It's near the mark, but it's a bit high, David, at that.

I would like to think I was selling it

for just a little more than that, so I would want to make

a little bit more margin.

-35?

-It's a bit tight, I've got to say.

-45?

-Let's shake on 40.

-Go on, good man.

David walks away with a nice, warm £15 profit on the flask.

And continues on his selling streak

as he takes the green glass hanging lamps to Gloucester

to show dealer Andy. David paid £35 for the pair,

so will Andy help illuminate a profit?

Well, Andy, I'm really hoping that

these are absolutely right up your street.

-I like them immensely, actually.

-When you catch them in the light, don't they look great?

-They are.

They're meant to have bulbs in of some kind, aren't they?

Well, they are lanterns, so you just drop them in.

I've even got a 1930s original in there,

which I don't think you'll be using.

-No, I don't it'll pass the safety standards.

-Exactly.

We'll put a new one in. I've got a feeling that the wire was made,

and then the glass was blown inside it, because it fits so tight.

I think date-wise, 1930s.

Yeah, I would have said the same. Possibly a touch earlier.

Possibly.

When I saw these, I just pictured a 1930s semi anywhere in Britain,

with these hanging, one in the hall, maybe one in the downstairs loo.

-So I want to sell them as a pair.

-OK.

-Would you be up for that, first of all?

-Yeah, yeah, definitely.

-You sure?

-Yeah. They look well together.

For the pair, I think 100 quid for the pair.

-Can you do a touch better?

-What are you thinking?

Even a tenner off or something?

-90 quid?

-Yeah.

-Bang on. Absolutely.

Thank you. As always, a pleasure.

David makes a fabulous £55 profit for the lamps

and he's all lit up.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But Paul isn't in his shadow for long

as sells the pre-war Maling china vases

that cost him £40 to Lewes-based antiques emporium owner Michelle,

delivering a modest £5 profit for the pair.

Leading the way, Paul is like the pied piper of Morecambe.

PLAYS TUNELESSLY

I'll tell you something,

this do-it-yourself busking kit wasn't the best idea I've had.

It's time now to try and move this recorder on.

I brought it to a friend of mine, Mabli, who wants to buy it.

I think it's a bit bigger than the one she's got

and it's a great instrument. So, on this note, it's not over

until I've played a tune that's recognisable.

That may be some time. The recorder set him back £5,

so will he make a profit from musician Mabli?

-So, Mabli, It's lovely to see you.

-And you.

And I believe that you have an interest in the recorder.

-My background to all of this is that I'm a singer.

-OK.

But I'm getting older

and I know my voice isn't as good now as it was when I was younger.

But when I decide to stop singing,

-I still want to be involved in music.

-Right.

So I thought, "I know, I'll go back to the recorder,"

which was something I learnt some years ago.

So what have I bought here? This is a lot smaller than this one.

-Well, that's a treble recorder.

-A treble recorder.

-So you can expect to get much richer notes out of it.

-OK.

This is a descant recorder, and it's the type of recorder

normally given to a child, usually in school music lessons.

This is an Allios.

In the older days, the Allios was the one.

And this one's a Japanese one, this one.

-I know that cos it says Japan on the bottom.

-Oh.

-Is it the sort of thing you want to buy?

-Yes, please.

If I was to ask you £20,

is that about the going rate for these or...?

-I think I had in my mind 15.

-15.

-Right, OK.

-But I'd like you to play me a tune

-and I'll put something in your hat.

-OK, that's fine.

PLAYS TUNELESSLY

I've got a real feel for jazz.

Expecting to see this snake appear.

-All right, well, there we go.

-Lovely. Thank you much.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you, Paul.

-You're very welcome. Would you like an encore?

-No.

-THEY LAUGH

Thank goodness for that.

Mabli pays the piper and gives Paul a £10 profit,

having trebled his money with the treble recorder.

It's music to my ears, I think.

With Paul busy profiteering

and David determinedly dealing, it's time to find out

who's bringing home the bacon

and who needs to turn up the temperature.

"Devilish" David Harper has

so far sold 2 items, turning a profit of £70.

But Paul "Mr Morecambe" Hayes has done three deals

and is only just behind, having banked £55.

With Paul trailing behind David,

he'll need to accentuate his abilities to eliminate his opponent.

But it's David who is cruising towards his next sale.

The pair of early-20th-century-style White Star candle lamps

cost David £12, so he's hoping to bring home a TITANIC profit.

I haven't travelled very far from North Shields with my two lanterns.

I've come right to the city centre of Durham to see a friend of mine

who has a cafe right up that dark, steep alleyway,

cos I think these are right up his...well, alley.

Now Michael, have you heard of the White Star Line?

Come on, David. Who hasn't heard of the White Star Line?

-We're talking Titanic here.

-We know we're talking Titanic.

Right, well there you go. We've got the early 20th century,

the romance of those ocean-going liners crossing over to New York.

That was the way to do it.

Michael, if you were doing that circa 1910, 1920,

and you were wandering down through the bar,

you would see plenty of objects like this, with the White Star Line

company logo, and these objects, I think, are actually in period.

I think they are early 20th century. They've been used.

Initially, I thought they'd been converted from oil - they haven't.

They've always been candle holders.

-You could put a little lamp in those, actually.

-You could.

-Would they work in your cafe?

-I can see them working, yeah.

It's funny, because they're not as uncommon as I'd imagined

they would or should be. I found a couple of pairs for sale online.

-The pair on auction were hovering around 80 quid.

-Right.

I think I absolutely bagged a pair of beauty bargains

when I bought these.

-Nice one.

-So I'm going to give you treat.

So if I said to you £55, Michael, for the pair...

-Is that it? Have we done a deal?

-Done!

Michael snaps up the lamps at £55

and David floats away with a profit of £43.

Percentage-wise, that is a cracking profit.

Beat that, Mr Hayes.

Yes, fighting talk from the devilish one,

but Paul is far from losing or being lost.

He knows exactly where to go for his next sale.

Now then, remember these two maps that I got in North Shields?

One was of Hereford, and one of Gloucestershire.

I'm in Gloucestershire.

I'm in Tewkesbury today, and I thought I'd try my luck.

There's a local bookshop here that sells antiquarian maps

and books, and hopefully they're just down his alley.

But which way is it? I think it's over there somewhere.

Paul paid £14 for the pair of maps and he takes them

to map collector Graham.

So, Graham, It's a pleasure to meet you. Now, I've contacted you.

I've got some maps for you.

I've come across these two and I don't know whether you've come across

this one, the map of Gloucestershire I'm bringing you in.

And it does look like it's been a folded map of some sort.

-Do you recognise that one straight away?

-Yes.

-I certainly recognise the vintage.

-Right.

With maps of this vintage, the first thing you look for is the railways.

OK. And what sort of period are we looking for?

I would place that round about 1840s.

You've got the main railway coming down there from Birmingham,

-which is off the map.

-So that's this big, black line here.

That's the railway line. OK. Now, this one, it came in with it.

The reason I'm showing you these separately, it says on the back here,

"From a map of 1840 by Thomas Moule." So it's the right age.

But this one's a reproduction. You can tell by the colour of the paper.

Even though the frame is the same, totally different period.

This one's a new, this one's 1840s. That's what I was thinking, actually.

-If I said how does £20 for the pair sound?

-I think I can do that.

-Does that sound reasonable?

-I can make something on that.

We'll shake on that, Graham.

Paul finds his way to a £6 profit for the maps

and he's down to his final item.

Hey-hey!

It's the 19th-century watercolour of Saltwood Castle,

which he bought for £20 and spent a further £8 reframing.

But "Mr Morecambe" makes a loss

when he sells the picture to antiques dealer Ruth.

After framing costs, Paul ends up £3 down on the deal,

but all his items are sold.

David, however, is still on a mission

to sell his last two purchases

before the final bell tolls.

The shooting stick cost David £15, so will it fetch him a good profit?

Well, here we are in Barnard Castle with my very stylish,

very posh, in actual fact, hunting-fishing-shooting stick,

covered in ostrich hide. A vintage object if ever I've seen one.

Now, you know what the trick to selling is?

Always take the right item to the right market.

I'm going to go and see Donna.

She owns a country workshop here in Barnard Castle,

she deals with all the hunting-fishing-shooting brigade,

and let me tell you this - they are the right market for this.

Oh, it is very nice, yes. It is. Very nice indeed.

-That is a delicious seat, isn't it?

-Very nice.

And the fact that it's covered in ostrich hide,

I think is incredibly rare. I've never seen one in ostrich before.

I must admit, I haven't seen one like this either.

-And this is the original there.

-Maker's tag. Aluminium frame.

I think it's probably 20 to 40 years old.

Made in England, and look at this. I mean, come on. At the races? Yes?

-Absolutely.

-Sitting down.

-Pass the champagne.

-Oh, hello.

A couple of glasses and I'm off! But that's all part of the fun.

So, at the right money, you'd be keen for it?

At the right money, yes.

-What with the right money be to you?

-Oh, I don't know.

I'd maybe be looking at...

25, possibly 30. I'd need to make a bit of profit on myself as well.

Donna, Donna, Donna.

-40.

-Oh. I couldn't go to 40.

-You couldn't?

-No, no.

35.

And it's a deal. It would look lovely in the window.

I think I've done all right. 35, well done. Thank you. Thank you.

The shooting stick provides David with a £20 profit

and he's down to his final item.

David takes the cigar cutter that cost him £50 to Rosie,

who works in the Bowes Museum in Barnard Castle,

hoping to smoke out a bit of profit.

-What a place to work, Rosie.

-I know.

I'd better just explain that this is actually my house,

-and Rosie is my housekeeper.

-It's the other way round!

And of course, you're from Paul Hayes' territory, the Northwest.

-Really?

-That's just dawned on me.

-Really?

Yes, that makes me all the more keen to sell you...

this wonderful cigar cutter. You have a hold of that.

1899, that was made. In London.

-Solid silver.

-It's nice and heavy.

-Exactly.

That's a side of quality in almost everything, in actual fact.

Shall I demonstrate? So, there's the end of your cigar.

Simply, you place that very safely

-into that end, nice and gently cut, and there we have it.

-Wow.

But will Rosie want to buy the cigar cutter?

And will David be able to snip off enough of a profit

to propel himself to the winner's podium?

All will soon be revealed.

David and Paul each started the day

with £250 of their own money to spend.

"Devilish" David Harper made five purchases and spent £137.

Paul "Mr Morecambe" Hayes matched him,

also with five deals and spent £107 with restoration fees.

But all that matters now is who's made the biggest profit.

All of the money that David and Paul have made from today's challenge

will be going to charities of their choice.

So without further ado, let's find out who is today's

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is Champion.

-Now then, David. How are you?

-Paul, great to see you.

-Great to see you too.

-From a car boot to this.

Have we gone up in the world or what?

-It's what we're used to, isn't it(?)

-It is!

-I live in a place like this, Paul!

-How did you get on?

-Not bad.

-Good?

-Not bad.

The two White Star Line candleholders, sold them

to a pal of mine who has a cafe.

-He absolutely loved them.

-Brilliant!

They were great. So, all in all, pretty good. What about you?

Well, my lot really was a bit of a research curve.

-Remember that naval jacket?

-Yes.

It turned out to belong to a Commander

of the British Royal Naval Reserves,

and chances are it could have been used in the Second World War,

possibly aboard a submarine.

-Isn't that wonderful?

-Are we ready for it?

-I'm ready.

-Good luck.

-Good luck to you, mate.

Three, two, one.

THEY CHEER

Well done, mate. That's great. A great bit of profit.

-It's not bad. But you're not a million miles away.

-Well done.

Yes, David won today, because even though Rosie refused

to by the cigar cutter...

Whilst it's lovely...

..it's not for me.

..David still managed to sell it for £100 to fellow dealer Anthony,

earning a £50 profit and compounding his win.

It's always a very satisfying feeling to go to a car boot,

pull some antiques out that shouldn't really be there,

and then move them on for profit.

It's exactly what I'd done and it's a good feeling.

Who'd have thought that naval jacket would have so much history to it?

I made a bit of a mistake with the watercolour, had that reframed

but didn't factor the cost in, but overall, it was a good challenge

and you did well, David.

So David is triumphant today, but tomorrow Paul has the chance

to fight back as our brave boys go head to head in the battle

to end all battles, the Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is showdown!

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