Episode 2 Great Movie Mistakes

Hello, everyone. I'm just having the finishes touches put

to my Girl With The Dragon Tattoo tattoo.

I need to get it on pretty quickly because I've got to pop to the airport in a bit.

I'm off to Yemen to do some salmon fishing, of all things.

I hope I get there In Time and don't get there when it's Twilight

and Breaking Dawn, Part One.

Essentially, what I did there was named lots of films

and they have one thing in common, apart from all being films.

They all contain mistakes, and this show is all about great movie mistakes.

You may have deduced that from the title but you never know,

so, thought I'd just explain it, but anyway...

Feel like I might have patronised you now, a bit. Sorry about that.

Ooh, all done.

Hmm.

That's not quite what I was after.

On tonight's show...

And which of these films made the most mistakes in just one scene?

Find out later.

I don't know if you've noticed this, but some films like

The Bourne Identity and Annie just have normal heroes in them.

Whereas all the best films have superheroes in them,

who are like normal heroes but superer.

One of my favourite superhero films this year was Avengers Assembly,

where all the Avengers and their teachers

got together in the main hall and sang hymns.

I'm really looking forward to the sequels - Avengers Harvest Festival,

Avengers Nativity and Avengers Wet Break.

Right, shut up, everyone, it's Avengers Assemble,

which is MASSIVELY exciting.

Here Captain America takes a shot,

causing terrible damage to his costume and body...

..and over here everyone's second favourite Sherlock Holmes

but first favourite Iron Man, Robert Downey Jr,

has a great big cut to his right eyebrow...

..but here's proof of the power of positive thinking -

all evidence of damage has gone from the Captain's cozzie

and the Iron's cut has miraculously healed.

Now Thor and Iron Man are having a scrap.

Thor sends Iron Man flying off into the woods.

You want me to put the hammer down?!

Then when Thor turns on Captain America, he's all like,

"My American shield will protect me,"

and Thor then flies off into the woods...

..but when they all get up, they're about a metre apart.

Those Avengers Assembled a little too quickly, if you ask me!

Are we done here?

Part of the skill of being a special effects wizard is making sure

that none of your tricks of the trade are exposed.

Unfortunately in this clip we have the FX version of an upskirt...

..as the ratchet cable used to spin the car is clearly visible.

There are some superheroes you really invest in

and others nobody gives a toss about.

Captain America, now, and you'll see here

how Steve goes into the getting-buff-matron

in perfect-fitting trousers...

Mr Stark!

..which still fit perfectly after he's gone all big.

Still, it's by that logic that we all avoided seeing

Lou Ferrigno's naughty bits, so, you know, every cloud.

After some impressive underwater rough and tumble,

Steve throws Heinz out of the water and onto the dock

but, miraculously, both of them are dry.

This is a shame, I'd have loved to see them both have a rub down

with some fluffy towels before he takes that deadly pill.

Tomorrow shall take its place.

One of Captain America's unsung superpowers

is the ability to deteriorate buildings.

Here he is making an evil Nazi railing break by sheer

power of charisma and pectorals.

Intact here...

-Got to be a rope or something!

-Just go! Get out of here!

Not going without you!

..and broken here.

In the sequel he takes down Stalin with some well-placed dry rot.

A shocking, sad and pivotal scene from the Amazing Spider-Man, here,

as Uncle Ben's shot down...

..but here's proof Charlie Sheen's dad's just doing his actor day job.

See how he falls to the ground with glasses on?

Well, he must be taking a nap,

as when Peter rushes to help him here, the glasses are off.

Someone call an ambulance!

Keep your eyes on this numberplate.

Hmm, is this Eastern Europe?

Thought so.

This is the contrived, forgotten Ghost Rider sequel.

Look at the numberplate now -

it's reversed.

That's the problem with ghost riders -

the numberplasms on their motorspookles

are very unreli-I-I-I-able!

Finding out they've developed superpowers

makes the kids in effective low-budgeter Chronicle

really excited,

and, like most teenage boys, they celebrate

by trying to hurt each other.

Steve gets Matt slap-bang under the right eye...

THEY LAUGH

Dude, get off! Get off! What are you doing?

-Underhand.

-I tried, man. I tried.

..but soon they're laughing on the other side of their faces.

Sorry, bruising on the other side of their faces.

What would be your nominations for Best Picture?

Mine would be the Mona Lisa, that Klimt one everyone's got,

and this picture of me on the beach where I'm sucking it in.

Delightful whimsy aside, what we're really talking about is the Oscars.

Luckily the Academy Awards are there to let you know exactly what

films are more or less perfectly brilliant,

like Avatar or Titanic.

Sorry, that sounds like I'm having a pop at James Cameron.

I'm really not. I'm just having a pop at his films.

Anyway, award-winning films are

just as capable of making careless mistakes as any other film.

That's rather comforting to know, isn't it?

Like reminding yourself that the Queen also goes to the lav.

It's Spielberg's epic adaptation of the National Theatre's epic

adaptation of Michael Morpurgo's epic adaptation

of the First World War, War Horse, which touched hearts worldwide.

And if that's not enough - they got the continuity wrong with an apple.

Look, whole apple...

..apple with a big bite out of it,

that wasn't there at the start of this clip.

Who did that? A ghost horse, maybe?

And now, nudity. In fact, horse nudity!

Albert knows everything about horses and all their horse stuff.

See, you've got it. You've got it.

But clearly not how to put a horse's clothes on.

The collar's upside down.

Either that or the horse is upside down.

And now this German soldier's doing it. In a film about horses.

Spielberg should have stuck with sharks.

Well, well, look at you.

This is the touching and heartfelt Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close.

Oskar here has found a note left by his late father, Tom Hanks,

who reads it out in his head like normal.

Congratulations, Oskar. With unbelievable bravery and wisdom far

beyond your years you have solved reconnaissance expedition number six.

But ghost dad Tom has done some posthumous editing

as his words are very different to what the note says.

Wherever they now are, the people of the sixth borough celebrate you.

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Wrong.

Now it's time to go home.

Now the joyful, beguiling The Artist, which, like all

Adam Sandler films, proves films

can be better if no-one talks throughout them.

Here, Peppy Miller puts her bag on the floor, but cut to the wide...

The floor has eaten it.

Oh, thank God. It spat it out again.

It's like when that swamp dragon ate R2-D2 all over again, but arty.

Notebooks - they cause so much fuss.

Here Peppy drops hers

in the clamouring throng to see movie star George,

but as she picks it up, she's right next to him.

Thanks, notebook!

However, look! The notebook's disappeared!

That's gratitude for you. But once the notebook has had a word with

its agent, it's back in the movie.

Showbiz - such a fickle mistress.

Normally this show has microphones creeping into shot,

but here it's the opposite.

There's the mic in shot.

But then, boom, it's gone!

I don't mean "boom" like the microphone, I mean...

Oh, you know what I mean. Luckily it comes right back.

Who'd have thought a microphone

would be so troublesome in a silent movie?

-More?

-Yeah, just a little bit more.

Don't tell your mother.

Moneyball now,

a quality crowd-pleaser about an American rounders team. Amazing!

Here, Brad Pitt asks his daughter...

Big spoon or little spoon?

Little spoon.

But then we see the little tyke clearly eating with a big spoon.

Unless that really is the little spoon,

and Brad Pitt's big spoon is actually a wok.

Here Brad Pitt's cross with his rounders players.

As he enters the dressing room or whatever it's called,

Jeremy Giambi is dancing away.

In the reverse shots, a white towel swings freely between his legs.

From the front...

not a sausage.

Is losing fun?

Another film about a small boy and a dead father,

this time with robots,

Martin Scorsese's escapist, exhilarating, magical Hugo.

Where's the station inspector?

Ben Kingsley enjoys a bit of notebook-based hocus-pocus

with disappearing, reappearing rubber band.

First it's on the notebook...

..then it isn't, then it is...

..then it isn't.

To be honest, it's behaving pretty much like any rubber band.

Not there when you need it.

Oh, this is ridiculous. I can't make it sync.

Sync with laptop.

PHONE: Do you want me to call your Uncle Martin?

Sync with laptop.

Searching the internet for scuba-diving courses.

Sync with laptop.

That's great. Sync with laptop is now in your diary for April.

Do you want a reminder?

Technology!

This is the zesty but trivial What's Your Number?

And this clip is a little embarrassing for the production

as it obviously shows up the fact that they bought a knock off iPhone

copy from the Australian company Ipple

as when Ally answers it...

it's upside down.

Hi, Mom, can I call you right back? I'm in a meeting. OK.

One thing I really hate is when you're not sure

whether a text you sent has arrived.

Fortunately, the bland and uneven Like Crazy has the answer.

All you need to do is send your texts on either May 28th

or December 1st because apparently they are interchangeable.

The catchily-titled Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 now,

and here Bella is calling Rosalie

but we can clearly see her phone is in lock mode.

Or is it? Vampire phones are special though as they're always

unlocked for emergency orders of delicious blood sandwiches.

A good romantic comedy should make you feel like anything is possible.

Apparently so can middling ones,

as this clip from Salmon Fishing In The Yemen proves.

It tries to make us believe that you can successfully send

heartfelt text messages when you clearly have no signal.

In the slow-paced and depressing Young Adult,

Mavis is getting a cassette out of her bag.

It's fully rewound.

But when she puts it in the car it is halfway through a song

and she has to rewind it.

She wants to get at that cassette with a pencil.

Or a biro. Which did you use?

Oh, ask your mum and dad then!

Here's the man who is suddenly in all films answering a phone

in the so-so indie Jeff Who Lives At Home.

PHONE RINGS

But he doesn't press the button to answer it.

BEEP

"A-ha!" think the boffins in the edit,

"We can fix that with a beep!"

PHONE RINGS

No, you cannot, boffins, for I, Robert Webb, have spotted it

and thusly foiled you.

Sometimes, a film is just so damn good

that the only thing to do is make it again, but different.

You know that feeling when you're watching a cracking movie

and you think to yourself, "I'd love to see this again with

"different actors and with some of the dialogue slightly changed?"

Well, no, neither do I, but presumably it's happened to someone.

American studios have a particular fondness

for making new versions of French films,

figuring that nobody could possibly have seen the original.

Next time you see something hoo-larious with Adam Sandler

in a dress or Cameron Diaz being amusingly coarse, bear in mind it

probably started life as a sensitive examination of personal identity

called Pourquoi Moi?

In Die Another Day, James Bond had an invisible car.

Here's there's two...

..in this lamentable spoof TV remake Dark Shadows.

You see? They're invisible.

Ha! Yah, boo, sucks, 007!

Now, that social taboo we're all uncomfortable talking about -

spontaneous combustion.

Luckily, the treatment's just a good dousing with water.

Special dry water that doesn't leave

a trace in the bucket once you've thrown it.

Vampires do DIY just like us regular folk.

Barnabus is inside a coffin with a separate lid,

but between here and the graveyard

they've clearly managed a pit stop at IKEA for some hinges.

They probably also picked up 500 tea lights for 50p

and gorged on Swedish meatballs.

The aptly-named 21 Jump Street now, a violent and naughty film

where characters jump from one location to another

without paying any attention to boring stuff like continuity.

For example, this door opens on three people

but only two of them walk in.

-Who invited you guys?

-I did. The party's here.

-What's up?

-Hi, buddy.

Delroy's probably popped round the corner to 21 Teleport Street.

A bona fide miracle, next.

Never mind loaves and fishes, some higher power obviously

decided that this tatty old newspaper on the church door

was making the place look untidy

because mere seconds later, it's gone.

Hallelujah!

It's hard to keep track of relations when you're from a larger family.

Like Ren in the semi-enjoyable but pointless Footloose remake.

His cousins can't stand still.

Here he's greeted by two of them.

How you doing? You guys are huge. Get off me. Attack of the cousins!

But then he's with just one.

The other's hanging out with Lulu.

Not that Lulu, alas, she's not in either of the Foots Loose.

This cross but charismatic young gentlemen played by not Kevin Bacon

gets all crossly into his Beetle and drives away,

showing the exposed engine.

ENGINE STARTS

But when he arrives at this warehouse,

the boot is repaired and the engine covered.

Oh, hello. I'm just flushing 250 million down the toilet,

rather like the makers of John Carter.

Here in Britain, we love an underdog.

We like things that are plucky or unfashionable or sometimes

just plain crap. We root for them, we cheer for them,

we wish them the best.

What we won't do apparently is buy tickets for them.

Which is why the following films appear in our

Worst Flops At The Box Office section.

Here are some mistakes which, like the films they come from,

you didn't notice the first time.

Conan The Terrible, sorry, Conan The Barbarian now,

and Tamara's strolling through the forest

with clear lines of sight in every direction.

Yet somehow she doesn't see or hear Massive Man On Horse.

She failed to spot the foot-soldiers too,

despite those skinny saplings being too small to hide behind.

She didn't see them.

Just like nobody saw this film.

I Don't Know How She Does It,

otherwise known as I Don't Know Why They Made It

has Sarah Jessica Parker running kookily late

with her beige heels and no tights.

But here she's wearing black tights and boots.

-Oh, hi, Clarke.

-Good morning.

And now it's the original combo again.

I don't know how she did that.

It may have been a flop,

but John Carter was actually quite good fun.

This is the wedding,

and Sab Than is discovering that there's nothing more embarrassing

than finishing your stag night with a drunken tattoo.

In the time of oceans, the celestial lovers rose from the sea each night.

And just like a drunken tattoo,

this one is staggering all over his face from left to right.

So may it be again.

On to the hokey and scrappy Cowboys And Aliens now,

and as Jake escapes from the alien stronghold

he's covered in a blast of alien space dust

or popping candy, as you youngsters call it.

I hate it when that happens.

And so does Jake. Look, he's now dust-free.

The Thing is a dull, sloppy, unsuccessful prequel

to a successful film called The Thing.

I'm hoping they make a sequel called And Another Thing.

Here, Kate turns on both taps,

has the most feeble face-wash of all time,

then turns off the water one-handed.

So the thing about The Thing is

why isn't the other tap still running?

The aptly-named Anonymous was a preposterous romp based on

the idea that Shakespeare wasn't Shakespeare, but the Earl of Oxford.

However, we can reveal

that the Earl of Oxford wasn't the Earl of Oxford, either.

judging by that very modern tattoo that's peeping out

from under his doublet, he's clearly Rhys Ifans.

If you're the kind of person who, when reading a book,

likes to skip over the difficult bits,

and put Keira Knightley all over the rest,

then you'll love film adaptations.

Since film was invented, directors have been slightly ruining

or basically missing the point of some of the greatest literary works

in the world. But they still found room to make some shocking mistakes.

Fortunately, the world of literature has been getting its own back

for years by taking tremendous films and getting hacks to write

unreadably awful novelisations.

So, you know, swings and roundabouts.

George Smiley's waiting for a call, with his shoes neatly under

the table in the thrilling and classy Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.

But when it's an important call,

surely it's wise to be fully clothed,

so in the next shot they're back on again.

Though now he's taken them off.

Oh, make up your mind!

The same thing happens with his underpants

but we can't show that bit.

I think there's just a simple script typo in this scene

from meandering flick The Rum Diary.

There's Johnny Depp with his hair all unkempt

and this line is delivered.

You blew it, Kemp.

And suddenly Johnny's neatly coiffed again.

I'm pretty sure the line should have been, "You blow-dried it, Kemp."

Ah, look, nothing in the sky for miles around,

except a few clouds in this expensive-looking but unnecessary

umpteenth adaptation of The Three Musketeers.

And yet just 39 seconds later...

..where did this ruddy, great low-flying airship come from?

SHOUTING

Some mistakes can be put down to simple revenge.

Clearly the cameraman was so annoyed at crashing into this wooden pole...

Careful! ..that he sneakily removed it for the next shot.

Luckily, someone noticed

and Poley resumed his rightful place next to the step.

For a bit.

Rule one of escaping from baddies -

be sure you make a clean getaway.

However, once D'Artagnan runs through the door,

he just stops and waits.

Almost, and I know this is going to sound mad,

almost like an actor waiting for his next cue.

If I dared, I'd touch you, see if you were real.

Mr Rochester's journal. "Wednesday. An exciting day.

"Jane Eyre returned from visiting her aunt,

"I put this very journal down to say hello.

"However, no sooner had she ascended the stairs

"than my journal completely disappeared,

"only to reappear moments later.

"Should it disappear again,

"I shall write my innermost thoughts on my massive hat."

Very sloppy.

If you don't know what I'm talking about when I say,

"She sees a nun and falls off the bell tower,"

or "It's his sledge," then congratulations!

You've just had the two top films of all time ruined for you.

In the latest BFI/Sight and Sound Poll of the greatest ever films,

Vertigo ended Citizen Kane's long run by pipping it to the top spot.

The rest of the top ten was made up of popular favourites like

Tokyo Story, La Regle De Jeu,

Sunrise: A Song Of Two Humans and

The Passion Of Joan Of Arc,

because film critics aren't in any way up themselves.

Anyway, even being the best of all time

doesn't protect you from our beady eye.

One of the greatest, most suspenseful thrillers now. Psycho.

This being 1960, everyone was more modest than they are nowadays.

Janet Leigh's so prim,

she even wore her underpants for her ill-fated shower, as you can see

when creepy Norman Bates wraps her up and carries her to the boot.

Oddly enough, in Gus Van Sant's pointless and embarrassing

shot-for-shot remake, they deliberately made the same mistake

again, and you get the chance to see Anne Heche in her undies too.

Twice the goofs for half the fun!

The harsh and brutally dark war classic Apocalypse Now

features this cameo from director, Francis Ford Coppola.

He clearly loves the limelight, as just seconds before,

we see the crew filming in blatant silhouette.

Word of advice FFC, next time do it with jazz-hands.

Astonishing visuals, plus over-pretentiousness equals

2001: A Space Odyssey,

and in this scene which takes place some hours

before the plot starts, Dr Floyd is looking at pictures of ground.

However, now it's completely different ground.

That's what happens when you do 127 retakes,

Mr Kubrick. Learn from the professionals!

I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly.

Now, should I ever find myself trapped on an airless space station

trying to stop a malfunctioning artificial intelligence killing me,

remind me to make sure my spacesuit, essential to an airless environment,

is securely fastened, exposing no flesh,

otherwise I might get a bit breathless,

goggly eyed and generally explode a bit.

Meticulously crafted and elegantly shot, it can only be Citizen Kane.

However, here you can see some animated pterodactyls

flying around some 20th-century picnickers!

Apparently this was background footage nabbed from Son Of Kong,

but Orson Welles reportedly liked

the reptiles so much he kept them in.

Orson, you well-known perfectionist, you, of course you did!

Interior design now, and here's Jimmy Stewart in the exciting

and tension-filled number-one movie in the poll, Vertigo.

Look at the cushions he offers Madeline to sit on.

They're green, yes? Oh, no, they're not, they're gold.

Oh, wait a minute, sorry, folks.

They're definitely, definitely green.

Ever the attentive host,

Jimmy's offering his lovely visitor a cup of coffee.

Well, to be more precise, just a cup.

Maybe she should pop next door

and borrow some from the hunky neighbour?

In this tense scene on the beach,

Madeline is getting in touch with nature and hugging a tree.

I'm walking down a long corridor, that once was mirrored.

And fragments of the mirror still hang there.

However, she manages to turn her back on it,

seemingly without moving.

I tell you what, that Alfred Hitchcock certainly knows

how to weave a web of mystery and intrigue.

It's a little bit of a Hollywood secret, but you can't just

use normal cars, trains, motorbikes and so on, when making a film.

No, all the vehicles you see are stars in their own right.

The cars always demand their own trailers, every motorcycle insists

on riders, buses won't film without regular stops and all the aeroplanes

are scientologists and won't let anyone look them in the cockpit.

Also, something about helicopters, um, they work on a rotor system?

Something like that? Somebody sort this out.

Icily compelling sex pest docusoap Shame now,

and here Michael "Middle Stump" Fassbender arrives at Fulton Street

as he creepily eyes up a woman in a hat.

But he's on the world's most inconvenient train,

as you see when they leave Fulton Street.

Then after a few minutes of serious-faced ogling, arrive at...

Fulton Street!

Get your coat, love, you've pulled.

Every which way but funny now with The Zookeeper.

Everything about this clip is ridiculous.

The background is swishing about like nobody's business,

and TV funnyman Kevin James isn't even turning the steering wheel.

Absolutely ridiculous.

The talking gorilla in the daringly tight T-shirt, however, is fine.

Misbehaving wingtips now,

which is the bane of the Victorian dandy's life,

but also in the turbo-charged Avengers Assemble.

As the plane lands, the wings fold in.

But when Captain America disembarks,

they are folded out again.

Let's see it again - and watch out for the bonus boob here.

What the hell happened to the hi-vis orange runway man?

The windscreen wipers on this police car

in the comedically dry The Guard remind me very much

of the men in The Grand old Duke of York.

Because when they are up they are up,

and when they are down they are down.

And that's the end of my simile. Wrong windscreen wipers is my point.

Just been transferred from Dublin.

Pointless remake of Footloose now -

and a stark reminder that level crossings

are dangerous places, kids. Here we see how,

if you're not careful, your lovely sister's saloon car

will inexplicably turn into a black four by four

the moment it touches the railway lines.

He's not looking good, sir.

The disappointing Johnny English Reborn now,

and when Johnny says, "It's just like riding a bike,"

that's clearly not what he said when they shot it.

-It's just like riding a bike.

-Maybe he was actually saying,

"Get rid of that man on the back seat,"

because by the next shot, he has clearly disappeared.

Yes, it's all coming back to me.

If violent revenge flick How I Spent My Summer Vacation

is anything to go by, Mel Gibson spends his holidays

dressed as a clown in a deserted part of Mexico.

Not that deserted, mind.

Those tyre tracks show there's been another car there,

or at the very least a previous take.

Action movies are like making love. Last about 90 minutes check.

Have loud noises going on throughout check.

An Aerosmith song playing check.

And big men in vests running around shooting assorted Europeans

or Middle Easterns - check.

And, of course, an awful lot of blood.

Happy lovemaking, sex fans!

What's wrong here in the hammy and laughably bad Abduction?

Acting rule number one is never look into the camera, but gotcha!

Taylor Lautner can't resist!

Still, if this is the take they used, the other ones must have just

had him staring slack-jawed into the camera and wobbling.

Look at the light filtering through the outdoor window.

I love a good sunset, don't you?

And so do the makers of Abduction.

They've really captured that magic hour.

-Yeah.

-'Hey, I heard you pull up...'

Or rather, that abrupt few seconds between day and,

in the next shot, night.

It's the run-of-the-mill In Time,

and Henry's timeline's running out, so he's decided to keel over

and fall into some lovely running water.

That's very fortunate, had he jumped a few seconds earlier,

he'd have fallen on to a barely wet slab of concrete.

The generally "meh" This Means War now, and attention, ladies -

if you've ever had your jacket stolen from a nightclub,

it was almost certainly stolen by Hollywood actor, Reese Witherspoon.

The proof? Well, here she is going in without a jacket,

and here she is exiting the same club, with a jacket.

-Tell it to the DA, Witherspoon.

-I'm not the girl for you.

Tooth fairy news now,

and it turns out the little blighter's working overtime.

Here, young Joe is missing the traditional two front teeth,

but the director clearly thought that was a bit of a cliche,

because later on the same day the missing teeth are altogether

hipper, edgier bottom-row ones.

Hands up!

Here's a clip from thin-on-laughs action comedy, 30 Minutes Or Less,

which, if it isn't a sequel to One Hour Photo, should be.

Here, Chet's spray-painted the inside of the door.

It's like you bought a Mustang...

Luckily, by the time they stop, the paint's disappeared.

My wife gets angry when I eat sushi in the car.

She doesn't understand it makes me a better driver.

Hugely-disappointing, dreary war-fest Red Tails now,

and important advice on hat etiquette.

I need everyone on this next mission.

Young Joe here is committing a faux-pas of epic proportions

as Army regulations state that hats should be

removed when indoors...

and worn when outside.

He's doing neither.

He'd be a laughing stock at Ascot, the berk.

Cuba Gooding Jr is doing his best

to win the coveted Pipe Smoker Of The Year award.

Look at his masterful skills.

He's so good, he can simultaneously point out directions with it.

And smoke it at the same time.

Airports are stressful - all that queuing, waiting

and having your private bits probed by security.

These poor blokes are having a terrible time,

their duty-free fags have finished and their plane has inexplicably changed from an A3...

..to A2.

Goodness knows where their luggage is going to end up!

Deck the halls with merry gentlemen, it's the most wonderful time of the chestnuts roasting

on a red-nosed sleigh bells jingle all the way.

I actually used to hate Christmas, but one day, just as I was about to jump in a river,

this angel came along and showed me what the world would have been like

if Great Movie Mistakes had never happened.

And let me tell you, it wasn't pretty, it wasn't pretty at all.

Thankfully, here's some festive movie goofs.

HE BLOWS HIS MOUSTACHE FROM HIS MOUTH

Timeless feel-good Christmas classic, It's A Wonderful Life, now

and James Stewart has brought with him,

a festive bog seat covered in holly

to really liven up the atmos in the smallest room.

ALL TALK AT ONCE

He puts it down...

Harry...

..but, it immediately springs back up again.

He must have caught his sleeve on a sprig.

Dancing is prohibited at this municipal pool, James,

it's the rules.

And where's your bathing cap?

Don't you know stray hair clogs the filters?

Even more so when your entire toupee floats off.

Well, I hope that distracts him from any heavy petting with that lady.

Before the tobacco ad ban,

they said a pipe really does something for a man.

And here you can see they're not wrong.

See this smoking chap?

Instant sex change.

Proof you should just say no to pipes, BBC Three viewers.

Wait a minute.

I think I've got a date.

The Santa Clause is a reasonably jolly movie

if there's nothing else on.

And here's Father Christmas himself,

having trouble doing his only job of the year.

But what's this?

I know people say there's a blanket of snow,

but that just looks like an actual blanket to me.

"Watch the skies," says the sign on the movie theatre

in the still very entertaining and funny festive treat, Gremlins.

Actually, that sign should have said,

"Watch the hills," as they're green and free of snow, unlike the rest of the set.

Here, one of the crew must have had

a late-night kebab and a couple of cans,

as they're clearly visible pushing over the Christmas tree.

Christmas spirit? Christmas lager, I wager.

Now, viewers, here's something you really, really don't want to do.

And that's cut the cable for some fairy lights with

a pair of metal scissors while they're still on.

But, here all the lights stay on.

They must have matted out the stuntman who fried doing the scene.

Good evening. I'm television's Robert Webb.

You might recognise me from your television on which I often appear.

Welcome once again to Pointless View, where we invite you,

some public, to do our job for us.

HE LAUGHS

Of course, I'm joking... Partially.

Onto our first letter.

This comes from Arthur Martha Not Sure in Clittering, East Sussex.

And he or she has reached the end of his or her short fuse

with The Adventures Of Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn.

'When Alan finds out that Tintin has blocked the door to the cabin,

'he tells Tom to get TNT.

'Well, Tom returns with dynamite.'

Play like that then do you, Tintin? Get the TNT.

'Dynamite contains no TNT, but is actually stabilised nitro-glycerine.

'I know this because I'm pretty much certain I was once in a war.'

Yikes! I certainly won't get on the wrong side of you, Arthur Martha.

But you're right, that duck was delicious.

our next letter's from Lazy Susan from Prisk, who is so angry with

the film Cowboys & Aliens,

that we might as well have to rename it, Cowboys & Aliens & Susan.

'At one point, in a scene set in 1873,

'the bandit suggested a trip to Puerto Vallarta,

'which obviously didn't yet exist.'

We're going as far away as we can go.

You remember Puerto Vallarta?

That's enough now, Lazy Susan.

A word from the web now, and I don't mean me.

Someone has finally left a message on the Pointless View website.

This is from a Mr Rodney Fascist. I love fashion too, Rodney.

He has this to say about The Three Musketeers.

'In one scene, King Louis XIII is shown playing a game of chess

'with Cardinal Richelieu.

'During the game when the king was in check,

'the Cardinal advises him to castle.'

But he's vulnerable, he needs protection.

May I suggest you castle him?

'But this move cannot be made when the king is in check.

'This man is a Cardinal, ordained by God.

'I was almost sick into my own lap when I saw this happen.'

This next letter comes in from Dame Washalot,

from the slippery slope at the Magic Faraway Tree.

'Here, all the men are shown wearing the aforementioned trousers,

'which would not come to exist in the Mediterranean for another 600 years,

'and which the ancient Greeks never wore,

'opting for loose-fitting, draped clothing.'

And that's another story, Dame, but your secret's safe with me.

A more serious moment now,

as we touch on the very serious subject of war.

The film War Horse makes the horror of war very clear by showing

how much worse things are when they happen to a horse.

But not everyone was convinced, certainly not Doris Mantovani,

of Clinic in Sexfordshire.

'Before that, in spite of the expensive set

'and the money spent in the art department,

'I was horrified to see Major Stewart refer to the Indian NCO as Sergeant Major.'

Excellent, Sergeant Major.

'There was no such rank in the British Indian Army.

'Indian cavalry Sergeants were known as Duffadars.

'More senior Indian cavalry officers held VCO ranks, Jemadar,

'Risaldar and Risaldar Major, which had no British equivalent.'

# Come fly with me

# Let's fly, let's fly away.#

I'm not just singing that to be sexy,

it's also relevant to our next two letters which both have a distinctly

aviational theme and come to us courtesy of identical twins,

Bethany and Ethany Sleepytime, from Up The Wooden Hill in Bedfordshire.

Here is Bethany's letter.

'..the sheik's aircraft has a Moroccan tail ID,

'not a Yemeni tail ID.'

While Ethany has this to say.

'..the plane travelling to Rome

'is definitely a Romanian air transport aircraft.

'This is because the film was shot in Romania.'

Thank you so much, Ethany, we all really enjoyed your letter

and you've won our letter of the week.

Your prize is this model of a Sopwith Concord.

Which we'll send to you via airmail.

Have a word with your sister, though, her letter was rubbish.

In fact, you might want to cut her out of your life,

she seems like dead weight.

Join us again next week on Pointless View

when I will be joined for a panel discussion

by Richard Dawkins, Germaine Greer and the Great Soprendo.

What would we do without crime?

Eh? If we didn't have crime, the Godfather films would be

about a series of christenings, Sexy Beast would be just two hours

of shiny cockneys having a lovely holly bobs, and Oceans 11 to 13

would be a dreary account of too many men making a deposit.

But, luckily, there is crime.

Hurray for crime and all the films that are made about her.

Though, as you'll see,

crime movies are just as guilty of some inexcusable errors.

This is Drive, a soulless film

about a character called the driver, who does driving...

And crimes.

Here, the driver nudges a car off the cliff, the rotter.

But although he hits the door...

..it's the bumper that gets crumpled.

Which is going to play havoc with the no-claims bonus.

Now for the dullest Transformer ever.

A kind of Optimus Sub-Prime.

The car that beeps at Ryan and Carey is clearly a silver Ford Focus.

But as it passes, it's equally clearly a blue Toyota.

Transformers, Toyota Corollas in disguise.

Sometimes in films it's necessary to flip the shot,

for example if an actor has put his face on the wrong way round

or is frowning instead of smiling.

But, hey, Drive film-makers, if you are going to flip the shot try to

do it when there's not lots of big writing on screen, yeah?

We have a bit of an underwear problem

in the moderately entertaining Man On A Ledge.

Joey is wearing his green undies

above his jeans because he is one of "da yoot".

But in the very same sequence they go all black.

This is why they normally don't let actors wear their own pants.

Robert De Niro is, of course, a follower of the Method School

developed by Lee Strasberg from the teachings of Stanislavsky.

Whereas Jason Statham supports Chelsea.

-What you doing?

-I'm going to get my watch back.

This is the pacey but basic action movie Killer Elite.

De Niro's training is in evidence here as simply can't decide whether

his character would wear his watch in his back pocket

or on his wrist.

Jason now peevishly kicks a slat from the chair he's tied to

but such is his kinship with all things wooden,

he's repaired it by next time we see it.

You know when a film is about castles

and nights or Jesuses or Vikings or all of those?

Well, they didn't film them back then because they couldn't,

because long ago, people were stupid and couldn't plug things in.

But the problem with filming historical items is that

things that have no business being on screen sometimes turn up -

like mobile phones, digital watches or Danny Dyer.

Here's a selection of some of the most prominent

anachronisms of the year.

I'm actually wearing an anachronism right now.

I'm sure you've spotted it. Yes, that's right.

This shirt is from 2035.

More from Jason Mark-Of-Quality Statham here in Killer Elite.

Yeah, me neither.

In this thrill-packed scene set in 1980,

we can see a Superdry logo on his coat,

when in fact lads-mag readers didn't wander around

with that written all over them until the brand was founded in 2003.

Just have to slow him down, won't we?

Everyone's favourite lovable rom-com kook Margaret Thatcher

in the impressive Iron Lady is getting her hair done.

But this scene's set in 1975,

two years before those tinfoil highlighty things

were patented. Maybe they're just bits of her iron head or something.

It's not like this film got any of its facts wrong.

Underwhelming remake The Thing now.

So, what's wrong with this troubling scene, do you think,

off the top of your head?

That's right, it's what's on top of her head - moulded

plastic headphones weren't available in 1982 when this scene is set.

Other proof that this isn't from 1982 is that nobody is

playing Simon or eating Ice Magic.

In this clip from the brilliant War Horse, we see our hero,

the war horse, busy being a horse in a war.

See as he gallops magnificently down a long, straight trench.

Problem is, trenches were built in zigzags

so enemy interlopers couldn't just pick off everyone with a few shots.

I'd go and see the stage version instead. It's got massive puppets.

An adventure begins.

We Bought A Zoo is set way back in June 2010.

It's a formulaic and nauseating film

about how some people open a zoo.

And about how Matt Damon invents a time machine.

Because the house listings he's following here

are from January 2011.

And later on he refers to his daughter as being...

I can't even find you, you're like a Chilean miner.

..when the mine didn't collapse until August that year.

Call the miners, you could have warned them, prescient Matt Damon!

You know, we're a forgiving bunch here at GMMIV,

and there's nothing we like better than seeing a mistake unmade.

That's why we're thrilled that next year there's a whole crop

of films which are going to be remade, re-released or done in 3-D.

Let's hope they do it right this time,

not like these original doofs.

Groundbreaking thrill-athon Jurassic Park

is released in 3-D next year,

and this scene of flocking dinosaurs will look amazing.

Can I say "flocking" pre-watershed?

Anyway, watch as they run past the kids,

only to disappear in the next shot as they turn and run away.

Dinosaurs are big and dangerous, yes?

They might escape, so you need a strong fence around the perimeter.

All the way round, no gaps.

Not like that massive one to the left of the gate.

Oh, my God, dinosaurs! We're all going to die.

Independence Day is getting a shiny new stereoscopic makeover in 2013,

and let's hope it's a better special edition than the dreadful

full-screen DVD release which revealed some astonishing clunkers.

When under attack from 15-mile high flying saucers,

what's the best thing to do?

Run for cover, arm yourself, stick your head between your legs,

wet yourself... Don't do those last two at the same time, by the way.

Well, these Washington sightseers opt to keep calm and carry on,

milling about and taking photos before the White House

is blown to smithereens.

-The fools!

-Now what do we do?

Of course, being the official residence of the leader

of the free world, security in the White House is second to none.

But no missile defence strategy could catch this intruder,

who flummoxed them all by crawling on his hands and knees. Clever.

A new version of Robocop is coming in, well, 2014, but will

they solve the big mystery of the very satirical and violent original?

Pay attention to Robocop's chin strap.

As when he removes his helmet, where's my chinstrap?

He's a chinstrap-less wonder.

Perhaps 2013's Man Of Steel can match the awesomeness

of the best Superman movie, Superman II.

This is my favourite bit,

where Non throws Daily Planet editor Perry White about.

He's terrified.

Thankfully, a kindly crewmember on the right of the screen

is there to hold his hand. Bless.

There's so much back patting that goes on in the film industry

that many execs are now forced to wear reinforced blazers.

Much of this incestuous congratulating goes on

in the award ceremonies, which are countless.

Unless you count them.

In which case there are about 200 a year.

Well, this year there are 201, as we are about to enter our final section

of the night, and present

the Most Mistakes In One Scene Award For 2012.

Or, MMIOS Twe-Twe, as I like to call them. Here are the nominations.

I should have an envelope. Could someone get me an envelope?

NB, a glittery one. Thanks.

Here's the punningly titled

but sadly made Alvin And The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked.

Here are two kids in blue watching the monk-dancing.

And then piff-paff-poof, they're gone.

And if that's not enough,

celebrity Scientologist Jason Lee pushes past yellow polo shirt guy...

..and then pushes past him again. And now the girls are back...

..only for one of them to be replaced.

What a load of chip. Four mistakes.

Next up, The Inbetweeners Movie,

and it's a busy time for wrong background artists.

When Jay and Si are fighting,

an extra in a red cap appears behind Will's right shoulder.

I shall call him Leopold.

Leopold then mysteriously keeps shifting positions between shots.

All right, come on, you two.

I'm sick of his BLEEP. I'm going to BLEEP do him!

Oh, you're hard, Si(!) I didn't see you do me just now.

-Let's go for walk!

-Don't cry, Si.

Then a couple with a male carrying a beach towel over his shoulder

walk past and over to the right side of the road.

Then there's a cut,

and the couple are walking to the right side of the road again.

Meanwhile, after the fight, Jay walks away

and kicks a nearby metal bench.

The bench is empty when he kicks it.

But in the wide shot, it's only Leopold sitting there again.

Five mistakes. Thanks, The Leopold Movie!

And the award goes to...

That is not what I asked for.

And the award goes to...

this astounding mistake-filled scene from Men In Black III.

Here, Griffin talks about the Mets baseball team.

..The World Series, they were in last place every single season

-until they...

-Wrong.

In 1968, the Mets were second to last in the World Series.

Now look at his hands.

They've gone.

This packet is especially odd. A big box one second...

And the next it shrinks to tiny sized.

You're not going to fit many crackers in that.

But it doesn't end there, oh no. This could be a record, viewers.

Now, more hand trouble.

Here they're back.

Now they're gone.

And as the final coup de grace,

Griffin's arms are now interlocked with J and K's.

Men In Black 3, movie mistakes, six.

Congratulations.

I lost my planet.

Well, the time has come for film-makers to breathe a sigh of relief

because we're done, for now,

but beware, Hollywood, if you try and get away

with even the tiniest little error,

a misplaced hair, a shifting coffee cup,

or a making John Carter, we will be watching.

Good night.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd