Episode 3 Great Movie Mistakes


Episode 3

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Bad luck, movie makers, it's us again.

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This is the show that takes out its geeky monocle

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and scrutinises your puny human efforts.

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We'll pore over every frame to find your boobs...

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Yeah. Can we have another go?

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I'm not sure, "find your boobs," is quite right. Thanks.

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-'Action!'

-Where was I?

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Ah, yes.

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This may look to you like a renovated church,

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but, in fact, it's a nerve hub.

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It's a nucleus - an offshoot of the Matrix.

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Well, all right, it is a renovated church

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but just off camera, in the crypt, is a team of pale-faced, muttering,

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gibbering, almost subhuman creatures that we call our researchers.

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They've taken dedication to the point of actual mania.

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They're now unable even to go for a cup of coffee

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without going up to complete strangers and shouting,

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"You were holding that cup in the other hand five minutes ago,

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"you LOSER!"

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Either that or they're just looking at Facebook

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and cutting and pasting from IMDB, but it's probably the first one.

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On tonight's show...

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So, on with the show.

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Now, if you're anything like me,

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you've been transported inside the software world

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of a mainframe computer where you have to offer up

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astonishing movie blunders in an attempt to get back out.

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But you're not like me at all - quite the opposite.

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I'm on the television and you're poised over Twitter

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ready to be all cross at me for doing another clip show -

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to which I can only reply, "Welcome to Great Movie Mistakes four!"

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And by the way - only one of us gets to ride that incredible Laser Bike.

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Hashtag it's me.

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Let's look at our first batch of Hollywood howlers.

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I want what you owe me...

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Here's The Dark Knight Rises -

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big-scale thrills but a huge, preposterous letdown.

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-Nice outfit. Those heels make it tough to walk?

-I don't know.

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Good question, though, as only moments later we get the answer.

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They're clearly retractable heels that disappear

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when running and brawling's on the cards.

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Could Bruce Wayne of stately Wayne Manor be a benefits cheat?

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Consider this evidence.

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Here he's having a chat with Mr Fox...

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If you filed your entire RNB budget into a fusion project...

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..but as soon as he realises the cameras are on him

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a walking stick suddenly appears.

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Next year expect to see him break dancing

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on Britain's Got Talent.

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I can't. I can't, Lucius.

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Fighting and chaos reigns in Gotham City

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and the smell of testosterone is high

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but one man seems more lavender-scented...

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did you see him? Rewind!

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This chap's fighting nobody at all!

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Listen, matey, you're only supposed to punch the air

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when you win a fight.

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Glossy and entertaining as The Hunger Games was,

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it left many fans disappointed - and is this why?

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Look at the flowers being thrown at the parading chariots.

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We will not be overlooked. Now, I LOVE that!

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Now look at the roadway - completely clear.

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No wonder everyone's so hungry if all their vegetation self-destructs.

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Politically thrilling political thriller The Ides Of March

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has Philip Seymour Hoffman visiting a pretend barber

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who pretends to cut his hair.

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I mean, it looks like a nice close cut but where are all the clippings?

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Nothing's actually been cut off.

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Ah, ready to face the world with a fresh new non-haircut.

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Lacklustre and rushed - it's the not-so-Amazing Spider-Man

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where Peter and The Lizard are having a dust-up.

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And boy, does Peter get dusted up!

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Though realising that he'll upset Aunt May,

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he quickly cleans himself up again - a bit.

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Gwen, I worry if Peter's the right guy for you.

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When you chat, although you may think you've got his attention

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with his earphones out...

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-Oh, it's Thursday.

-It's Thursday?

-What happens to your eye?

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..he's only half-listening as his right earphone springs back in.

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No, love, the right ear!

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-Hey.

-What do we have here? A concealed weapon?

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Hey, it's his grandmother's suit!

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Now this a blatant mistake from the fairly good,

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reasonably fun Men In Black III.

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..before you press that...

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I'll leave it to you to work out what the error is.

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If you can't get it,

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you probably need some suddenly-appearing glasses.

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Ah, that's a giveaway.

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..is a standard issue Neuralyzer.

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In this scene from the surprisingly tense, watch-through-your-fingers,

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Woman in Black, Harry Potter's brought a magic dog with him,

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from Hogwarts.

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There he is overtaking the dog...

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and now suddenly the dog's in front of him again.

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It's probably some sort of spell.

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"Teleportio!", or something.

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Now we come to the mistakes, which are so asinine, so dumb,

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so daft, so idiotic, so brainless, so thick, so inept

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and just so plain stupid they get a whole category to themselves.

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'Cut!'

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What? That was perfect. I'm not doing it again. That was fine.

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How to completely sell-out a joke -

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basically, what you do, is have a funny idea,

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like these commune people in the utterly standard Wanderlust,

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making a feature of never clapping but finger-rubbing.

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This is much less aggressive than clapping.

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Try it. Try it. Seriously, it's better.

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Two, three...

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Then, later on, have the exact same people clap like us normal folk.

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That's one joke that won't be bothering anyone again!

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Marginally diverting Man On A Ledge next,

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and in this clip, Man not-yet-on-a-ledge

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is being very careful to remove his fingerprints

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from everything he touches.

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Oh, except the window he's going to open with his bare fingerprinty,

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made-of-clue hands.

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Rookie mistake.

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Like using a Dyson Airblade then touching the toilet door

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So where's the first place the forensics dust for prints?

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Easy! But let's spell it out for you.

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Oh.

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I'm a bit nervous of using the word "headcount"

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when one of the icky Final Destination films is concerned,

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but listen to this...

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Among the survivors were eight employees of Presage Paper,

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on their way to a business retreat,

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the other 17 employees were killed in the collapse...

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Eight survivors and 17 dead.

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That's 25 people.

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So why have they only bothered here with 18 passengers plus the driver?

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Not the sort of cuts I was expecting in this film.

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You know in the Sound Of Music

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where Julie Andrews is bellowing her head off on a bus

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and none of the other passengers bats an eyelid?

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Well, this is exactly like that, only with werewolves.

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Anyway, there are evil hell creatures tearing cars apart...

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but the people on the pavement stroll on taking as little notice

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as the cinema-going public does of the Underworld films.

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It's the better-than-expected Fright Night remake.

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Now look at how Charlie's mum

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protests at mowing down poor Jerry here.

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Mom, just hit it!

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Charlie, no!

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Just BLEEP hit it!

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But even though Charlie grabs the wheel,

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it's quite obvious it's his mum with the foot on the accelerator,

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carrying out the very thing she doesn't want to do.

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I'm not doing a joke about women drivers. I'm just not.

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Hey, mom.

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Watch this for an absolute ruddy mess-up and a half,

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in the seen-it-all-before time-travel movie, In Time.

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Happy 50th!

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50? That's right.

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25 for the 25th time.

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Did you spot it?

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Course, 25 for the 25th time would actually be her 49th birthday.

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..for a girlfriend...

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Tsk. I bet the guys responsible

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celebrated the millennium in 2000 as well, like idiots.

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Now where's my real ale?

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Men, eh? Won't ever listen to directions.

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In this clip from a big waste of time called Abduction,

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Nathan is clearly told to go to...

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Got that, Nathan?

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Clarendon Avenue. This is the street.

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Avenue? It's Boulevard, for goodness' sake!

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You get asked to do one simple thing... AND that's Apartment 202.

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Well, this is a disas... Oh...

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..it's the right house despite all that.

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Lucky!

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Whether the Earl of Oxford was actually Shakespeare

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is still open to debate.

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No, it isn't. He wasn't!

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But we can all agree he was one hell of a horticulturist.

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Here in the abominable Anonymous,

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he presents Ben Jonson with a red and white Tudor Rose.

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My Lord.

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The Tudor Rose.

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The most beautiful of flowers, do you not think?

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Problem is, the Tudor Rose is not so much your actual flower,

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more your totally invented heraldic symbol.

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Hard to come by.

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For any science fiction fans who may be watching,

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I have prepared the following statement.

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"Doctor Spock said, 'Beam Me Up, Scotty'

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"and walked onto the Bridge Of The Firefly

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"where he bumped into the character Doctor Who,

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"who was chatting to Hans Solos

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"about the time he was frozen in Kryptonite."

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The sci-fi fans have probably gone away now,

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moaning about our inaccuracies on their special internet forums,

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so we can enjoy some mistakes in sci-fi films

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without destroying their world.

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The biggest problem in the old west, after cholera,

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was how to accessorise.

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Here's Daniel Craig in the humourless Cowboys And Aliens

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deciding that his special alien bracelet is too heavy to ride in.

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Now he's changed his mind and it's on again.

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Honestly, no wonder cowboys take so long to get ready.

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Or is that women? I always get them mixed up.

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That's why I found Brokeback Mountain so confusing.

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In this bar scene, James Bond's drinks are not so much

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"shaken not stirred" as "poured not drunk".

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Where did you get your bracelet?

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There's something you don't know about me, lady.

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You don't remember anything, do you?

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What do you want?

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He's so busy sloshing out the whisky

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that he forgets to do the drinking it part.

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And all without a coaster, too.

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You do not want to see the rings on that bar.

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Some she-actors find getting off horses unladylike,

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so in this clip Olivia Wilde bypasses the problem

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by simply refusing to do the middle bit.

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"Look, I'll just stand next to it, OK?"

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"Yes, I know I was sitting on it in the last shot. Nobody'll notice".

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Putting the "bored" into "board game",

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here's the horribly unsubtle Battleship.

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Here, not only does Alex show off his pathetic robbery skills,

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if you look at the clock on the CCTV feed,

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he also manages to leap backwards and forward in time

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like a rubbish Doctor Who.

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It would seem that Commander Stone Hopper's mum

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must've popped his gloves on idiot strings

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as he manages to slip them on and off throughout this scene

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with ease.

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FOGHORN BLOWS

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They're off now.

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But they're back here.

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But see how the ultrasonic attack shatters all the glass?

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Well, maybe Mum knitted a binoculars case,

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as these lenses are fine.

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Thanks, Mum!

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What the hell is this?

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When you're under attack from a ruddy great big robot ship

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from outer space, it's important that you have a change of pants

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and plenty of ammunition.

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Especially when your cannons get destroyed.

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You all right?

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They ain't going to sink this battleship, no way.

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But, hey, why not just grow them back instantaneously,

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like these guys do in the following shot?

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Fresh water.

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Contagion now, which is different from Outbreak because...

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Well, because it's... Look, it just is, all right?

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To illustrate the power of the disease,

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here's a miserable montage of deserted cities.

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As we know, only three things could survive a global virus.

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Sea creatures, cockroaches, and the ruddy rush-hour traffic.

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Charming '80s-based alien fun with Super 8 now,

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and evidence that Hollywood really is another world.

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When they need to move a bus, they do it with a massive chain...

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..as you can see here,

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whereas the rest of the earthlings look on and say,

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"Why not just drive the bus?"

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The real reason why kids shouldn't play with fireworks now?

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It's a little-known fact that when anyone under the age of 18

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so much as holds a sparkler, like young Joe here...

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..it will spontaneously light itself.

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'I'll never forget that year.'

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'I was young, I was full of hope,

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'I was shooting Great Movie Mistakes IV.'

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'Of course, I didn't know then what a fool I was,

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'none of us saw what was just round the corner.'

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'Then, one day, while I was introducing a section

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'on biographical films, it all became clear to me.'

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But you're not going to find out what became clear to me,

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because like all biographical films,

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we're going to jump straight into flashback

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the moment it looks like getting interesting.

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Robert! Time for your tea! It's Spangles and Angel Delight!

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Sigmund Freud is the subject of the revealing but somewhat mediocre

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A Dangerous Method.

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Here, Freud is packing up his books, and is probably so busy

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thinking about rude thoughts and mucky stuff

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that he doesn't even notice that when he picks his book up,

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it stays where it is.

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..excise his father's name from the cartouches.

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Then, suddenly, it's on his papers.

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This was something traditionally done by all new kings

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who didn't wish their father's name to continue to be public currency.

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And then he puts it back on his papers to leave.

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Now for a bit of J Edgar, the flat and dreary biopic

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of the ex-Director of the FBI and inventor of the Dyson.

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Look at this cereal box that Tolson puts down.

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There's a short conversation...

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..and as Tolson leaves, he picks up the box,

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which now faces the other way.

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As continuity goes, that's not g-rrrrrrrrreat.

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Guns and God now, in the very earnest and worthy,

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and all those sorts of words, Machine Gun Preacher.

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Jan Leeming looks on proudly as Gerald or Gerard Butler is baptised

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and does all kinds of face-acting.

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Hallelujah!

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In the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ...

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Problem is, all his clothes are already wet.

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He's getting born-again again.

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The Iron Lady is in danger of rusting in this unrealistic clip.

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Here's Margaret driving alongside the Houses of Parliament

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on the other side of the river.

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Except there isn't actually a road on the opposite bank,

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so we can only conclude that her car is driving through the Thames.

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Yes, look, definitely floating.

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The biggest movie mistake of all, of course, is Madonna's film career.

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In her self-directed monstrosity W.E.

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her research into the royal family is impeccable.

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'King George III has died, and the nation mourns.'

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Well, George III died in 1820. She meant George V.

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Either that or she turned over two pages

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in the Ladybird Book Of Kings And Queens.

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"Nothing really matters",

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sang pop pensioner Madonna as a line in a song once.

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And historical accuracy is one of them.

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Wallis and Edward are papped to within an inch of their lives,

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provoking absolute outrage in the British press.

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In actual fact,

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UK newspapers carefully covered up the scandal,

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and the story wasn't reported until after Edward's abdication

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the following December.

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Madge would be hung up for that howler!

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Would you look at that.

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Me, presenting Great Movie Mistakes -1.

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It was a prequel we made to set up some back story for the shows.

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What makes me so keen to point out

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sometimes quite trivial mistakes in movies,

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why do I hate continuity errors so very much,

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what is the big problem

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with seeing camera equipment reflected in things.

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Yeah, it's all here in Great Movie Mistakes -1: The Prequel.

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Because prequels are great.

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Effective apocalyptic thrills in Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes,

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or should that be Disappearance Of The Bodies Of The Apes,

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as clearly, while many of these apes are being shot at

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and are likely to, you know, peg out...

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..when Will later drives away

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there's not a single dead simian to be seen.

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Maybe this was the pre-watershed edit for Ape TV.

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Get these people off the bridge!

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OK, car fans, hands up who knows the difference

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between a Nissan and a Volkswagen?

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Don't know why you've got your hand up, Serkis.

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One minute you're standing on a Nissan Maxima,

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the next it's a VW Jetta.

0:19:340:19:36

Oh, well, you know what they say.

0:19:360:19:38

You pay peanuts, you get your cars mixed up.

0:19:380:19:40

Oh, take a look at these lovely gloves,

0:19:440:19:46

because for as long as costume designers

0:19:460:19:48

provide actors with gloves, actors will find ways

0:19:480:19:51

to forget whether they should be wearing them or not.

0:19:510:19:54

Isn't that right, Noomi Rapace,

0:19:550:19:57

in plot-hole-riddled shambles that is Prometheus?

0:19:570:19:59

Out now, from Prometheus Products, the all-new three-in-one flashlight!

0:20:050:20:09

Boarding an alien spaceship? Need a flashlight with three lights?

0:20:100:20:14

Not a problem, eh, Holloway?

0:20:140:20:16

More of a one-light-flashlight kind of guy?

0:20:190:20:21

With the Prometheus Three-In-One, it's easy.

0:20:220:20:25

Joan from Tenby has got hers. Buy now!

0:20:250:20:28

Prometheus was one big movie mistake,

0:20:310:20:33

compared to the original and best, Alien, but that had errors too.

0:20:330:20:37

Ignore the fact that it's 2122

0:20:380:20:39

and they're still using Commodore VIC-20s,

0:20:390:20:42

It seems in space no-one can see you spell,

0:20:420:20:44

as Alignment has an extra "L".

0:20:440:20:47

Can I do the "it's one 'L' of a movie" joke?

0:20:470:20:50

No? Gits.

0:20:500:20:52

Parker here can never get a word in edgeways at dinner parties,

0:20:550:20:59

but this time he goes to extraordinary lengths.

0:20:590:21:02

You think he's stopped speaking?

0:21:040:21:06

No, he's still talking while smiling. Look again.

0:21:060:21:09

He could give Keith Harris a run for his money with that skill.

0:21:180:21:20

In the grim, brutal fearfest Aliens,

0:21:250:21:27

Ripley doesn't like hospital food and tries to escape.

0:21:270:21:30

But this isn't the first time she's tried it.

0:21:300:21:32

Look at those two scuff marks.

0:21:320:21:34

Oh, now just one mark.

0:21:400:21:41

Go on, Ripley, save the film for continuity's sake!

0:21:410:21:44

Both marks are back. Breathe easy, everyone!

0:21:460:21:48

Never mind those awful Aliens V Predator movies.

0:21:550:21:58

This film is a mash-up with the Bionic Man,

0:21:580:22:00

as metal mechanical parts can clearly be seen on the alien queen.

0:22:000:22:04

Can we rebuild him? Sorry, her.

0:22:040:22:07

Once I'm done here,

0:22:170:22:18

I must get a sleeping bag for the Star Wars 7 premiere queue.

0:22:180:22:22

But I shan't be buying the membranous one

0:22:230:22:25

that Ripley got from FutureMillets,

0:22:250:22:27

as while she looks snug as a bug tearing out of it,

0:22:270:22:30

if you rewind...

0:22:300:22:31

her head and legs are already out.

0:22:320:22:34

Alien: Resurrection was a letdown, an absolute joke of a film.

0:22:360:22:39

And in this joke film, the props were jokes, too.

0:22:420:22:45

See how this barbell solidly catches Ripley in the face?

0:22:450:22:48

Well, when Christie swings it about,

0:22:540:22:56

we can see it's a novelty rubber barbell

0:22:560:22:58

that bends all over the place.

0:22:580:23:00

We all love a good old classic family film like

0:23:020:23:05

Nil By Mouth, Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? or Sophie's Choice.

0:23:050:23:09

Turns out that family films in this context means

0:23:090:23:12

"films for the whole family to watch".

0:23:120:23:14

But that is not what they are.

0:23:140:23:15

Aside from a few rare exceptions, family films are for children.

0:23:150:23:20

They're not for me, and I'm part of a family, too.

0:23:200:23:22

If I wanted to watch a film with my whole family,

0:23:220:23:24

it would be Blade Runner,

0:23:240:23:25

and I can tell you right now that my two year old would hate it.

0:23:250:23:28

Particularly if it was the studio cut with the stupid voiceover.

0:23:280:23:31

Alvin And The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, now.

0:23:320:23:34

Astoundingly, even worse than the first two.

0:23:340:23:37

Now, this is nearly all animation, right?

0:23:370:23:39

So they were pointing their cameras only at a man with a magazine.

0:23:390:23:44

So you'd have thought someone, surely would notice something.

0:23:440:23:47

And they did eventually, but way, way too late.

0:23:500:23:53

A film crew practical joke, now.

0:23:590:24:02

this time, one of the characters made of drawing and computer

0:24:020:24:04

getting punk'd.

0:24:040:24:06

"Ere, Gustav", said the editor.

0:24:060:24:08

"Let's make it look like the chipmunk

0:24:080:24:10

"on the dry raft's peed herself."

0:24:100:24:11

"Good idea, Ernst," said the sidekick,

0:24:130:24:15

and so it comes to pass. Wet all over.

0:24:150:24:18

Ah, that hollow sound of the franchise barrel being scraped

0:24:210:24:24

means that we join The Smurfs in their awful movie.

0:24:240:24:26

Now, New York is excellent for filming,

0:24:280:24:30

as they just let you do it.

0:24:300:24:32

But you do tend to attract crowds of excited members of the public

0:24:320:24:35

watching you film, like here.

0:24:350:24:37

Still, if I saw the Smurfs filming, I'd stop to look.

0:24:380:24:41

Not the Moomins, though. I'd just keep walking.

0:24:410:24:43

Get your hand out of my kilt!

0:24:430:24:45

Now this song is played on everything uplifting

0:24:490:24:52

that's on TV ever.

0:24:520:24:53

Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros, and in this scene from the cloying,

0:24:530:24:57

so-called inspiring We Built A Zoo, it's certainly doing the trick.

0:24:570:25:00

Because judging by the trees and grass,

0:25:050:25:06

it's certainly not wind that's keeping those kites in the air.

0:25:060:25:09

Am I doing anything right?

0:25:140:25:16

Proof that people who do organized things

0:25:160:25:18

like taking packed lunches to work aren't as efficient as they think.

0:25:180:25:21

Eight-year-old smugster Rosie's putting her sandwiches into bags

0:25:230:25:26

because heaven forefend she just go to Pret or somewhere,

0:25:260:25:28

like everyone else.

0:25:280:25:30

Good.

0:25:310:25:33

But when she pointlessly labels the bags,

0:25:360:25:38

the sarnies have leapt back on the worktop. Ha!

0:25:380:25:40

Now Scarlett has to lock some lions in a thing

0:25:470:25:49

cos they can get a bit bitey at humans.

0:25:490:25:52

But the director probably decided that giving her a chain

0:25:520:25:55

and an open padlock, as seen here,

0:25:550:25:57

was a bit too easy...

0:25:570:25:58

The only way to fix it is to jimmy it from the inside.

0:25:580:26:01

..because by the next shot, they're gone.

0:26:030:26:06

Fans of Panic Room will love to see that unimaginative clunker

0:26:100:26:14

Spy Kids: All The Time In The World 4D, features a panic room.

0:26:140:26:17

However, logic fans will be less keen.

0:26:180:26:20

Look at this fireplace full of, erm, gold, baubly things and fronds.

0:26:200:26:25

Almost immediately they've gone! From the world. In 4D.

0:26:290:26:33

With so many bits and pieces on a film set,

0:26:380:26:40

it's important to keep everything labelled.

0:26:400:26:42

Circuit boards, for example.

0:26:420:26:44

If you're using one as a prop,

0:26:450:26:47

you'll want to make sure everyone knows what it's for.

0:26:470:26:50

Besides, someone will cover that up before shooting, right?

0:26:500:26:52

Wrong! In 4D.

0:26:540:26:56

Our next section is Fantasy Films,

0:26:570:26:59

which is a genre of film involving parallel worlds, magic wizards,

0:26:590:27:03

Greek mythology, and all that shiznit.

0:27:030:27:06

I know that now, but I only had this explained to me

0:27:060:27:09

after I'd been trying to make my own fantasy film.

0:27:090:27:11

I had to send back the girls, the boys, the tarpaulin,

0:27:110:27:14

the brie and the Dyson Airblade,

0:27:140:27:15

and it was all a little embarrassing to say the least.

0:27:150:27:18

But then where the hell would I be without embarrassing mistakes?

0:27:180:27:22

Talking of which...

0:27:220:27:23

Here, a wooden dagger steals the scene from wooden acting

0:27:290:27:32

in fantasy action movie Wrath Of The Titans.

0:27:320:27:35

Mind you, it does have some magical properties.

0:27:350:27:38

Look, it's gone!

0:27:380:27:40

I "wooden" have thought they could do that...

0:27:400:27:42

I don't know what I'd do when confronted with a one-eyed giant,

0:27:470:27:49

but poor Perseus here is so terrified

0:27:490:27:51

he doesn't know whether he's coming or going.

0:27:510:27:54

As he breaks free from the Cyclops's grasp...

0:27:560:27:59

..he ends up facing the wrong direction.

0:28:020:28:04

Did you know that they had proper dentists in the olden times?

0:28:070:28:10

I certainly didn't, until I saw this scene from Wrath Of The Titans.

0:28:100:28:14

Watch Agenor as he gives us all a perfect view

0:28:140:28:16

of ye olde mythical silver filling of the Gods.

0:28:160:28:19

OK, everyone, now, I know there's loads of us,

0:28:260:28:28

so it's important we do the same thing in this scene from Immortals.

0:28:280:28:32

Just remember, swords in the left hand, shields in the right.

0:28:320:28:35

So when we shoot the scene from the front, don't forget that.

0:28:350:28:39

Oh.

0:28:410:28:43

Well, it's a dull epic, no-one will care.

0:28:430:28:44

Time now for another quick round of Metil or Normil.

0:28:570:29:00

This breastplate certainly looks like metil. Well, a bit like metil.

0:29:000:29:03

Actually, I think it's normil, looks like rubber to me.

0:29:050:29:08

We'll have to wait till he takes it off.

0:29:080:29:10

Yes, look, I was right.

0:29:130:29:15

Definitely normil.

0:29:150:29:16

In this show, I have to record over 200 links.

0:29:220:29:25

That's a set number of links, unlike those in this chain

0:29:250:29:28

from cheesily fun John Carter.

0:29:280:29:30

It's too short for him to escape the ape...

0:29:320:29:34

..but then it's long enough to wrap round the ape like a billion times.

0:29:370:29:40

Mum, mum, guess what?

0:29:480:29:50

I've got a job as a sound effects man

0:29:500:29:51

on this big, colourful film about Snow White!

0:29:510:29:54

We've got loads of well-hench sound effects.

0:29:540:29:56

There's one of two axes touching that I really love,

0:29:580:30:01

I'm about to use it now.

0:30:010:30:03

AXES TOUCH

0:30:030:30:04

Oh, they didn't touch. Never mind, I'll use it anyway!

0:30:040:30:07

Mirror, mirror on the wall, Who's the sneakiest prince of all?

0:30:120:30:17

This one, saying farewell to Snow White,

0:30:170:30:19

cos he was on Charles's left and he's now on Charles's right.

0:30:190:30:23

Snow White films are like London buses. You wait years,

0:30:270:30:29

and then two underwhelming ones turn up at the same time.

0:30:290:30:32

This is the one that isn't the other one, and we're talking horse.

0:30:320:30:35

I love horses, best of all the animals,

0:30:350:30:38

but I can't stand a horse with mucky legs, which is why this scene

0:30:380:30:41

at first appals and then soothes me.

0:30:410:30:44

Dirty horse.

0:30:470:30:49

Clean horse.

0:30:510:30:52

Now, spoiler alert, everyone!

0:30:560:30:58

so, the closing scene comes to a close and everyone has got closure.

0:30:580:31:02

And as we pull out of the throne room,

0:31:020:31:04

the doors swing closed to emphasise the closing of the story.

0:31:040:31:08

But if we rewind just a couple of moments,

0:31:090:31:11

you'll see that throughout the coronation,

0:31:110:31:14

those closing doors were already very much closed.

0:31:140:31:17

The British film industry is much like the American film industry,

0:31:190:31:23

except they make some.

0:31:230:31:25

I'm joking, of course. The UK Film Council generated

0:31:250:31:28

so much successful film-making that the government destroyed it.

0:31:280:31:31

Making a British film is much like the plot of a British film.

0:31:310:31:35

A plucky underdog, charming and stammering,

0:31:350:31:37

like Hugh Grant or Colin Firth - delete as applicable -

0:31:370:31:39

achieves some success

0:31:390:31:41

after overcoming some moderate obstacles, usually in the rain.

0:31:410:31:45

Contains mild peril, possibly that Toploader song,

0:31:450:31:48

and a fair few mistakes.

0:31:480:31:49

Madcap, not-very-funny spy caper Johnny English Reborn now,

0:31:500:31:54

and if the whole point of this scene is whether the switch is on or off,

0:31:540:31:58

you'd think they'd pay close attention to it.

0:31:580:32:00

But, no. Here it's switched off,

0:32:000:32:03

then this lady takes her dress off...

0:32:030:32:05

Do you know how to turn it on?

0:32:050:32:06

..and then next thing you know it's back on.

0:32:060:32:08

Maybe the continuity guy got distracted?

0:32:090:32:11

Glenn Close as footballer Lee Dixon here, counting his tips.

0:32:140:32:19

it's three coins on the bed.

0:32:190:32:20

This is Albert Nobbs,

0:32:200:32:21

a haunting and bittersweet film with an amusing name.

0:32:210:32:24

Now look at the coins. There's loads more.

0:32:260:32:29

It's a Christmas miracle!

0:32:290:32:30

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel was refreshingly upbeat

0:32:340:32:37

for a Brit flick, with some good performances,

0:32:370:32:39

but while Tom Wilkinson's being all emotional,

0:32:390:32:41

Dame Judi's not listening.

0:32:410:32:44

She's going through her photos.

0:32:440:32:47

You see those pics? Rewind earlier and they weren't there.

0:32:470:32:50

I reckon the next cutaway will have her doing a Sudoku.

0:32:530:32:56

A tremendous display now from the conjuror Celia Imrie.

0:33:010:33:04

It's the old "put the note in the pocket, fail to push it in,

0:33:040:33:07

"have it photoshopped out" routine.

0:33:070:33:08

Let's see that again in slow motion

0:33:110:33:12

so we can wonder at Celia's deft handiwork.

0:33:120:33:14

And, thrifty old pro that she is,

0:33:170:33:19

she makes sure to reappear it later on, so she can snatch it back.

0:33:190:33:22

Daniel Radcliffe gets confused when decorating

0:33:270:33:30

in the pant-wettingly scary The Woman In Black.

0:33:300:33:32

He's using an axe to strip the wallpaper,

0:33:330:33:35

surely something like a scraper would be better?

0:33:350:33:38

Later, common sense of sorts prevails as he uses his bare hands.

0:33:400:33:43

But then he's back with the axe again

0:33:470:33:49

without so much as a bending down.

0:33:490:33:51

Someone get that boy a rawl plug.

0:33:510:33:53

What can only be censorship here. Listen and watch.

0:33:560:33:59

I don't expect to be finished until...Friday at least.

0:33:590:34:02

Now, Daniel Radcliffe's mouth keeps moving at the end.

0:34:030:34:06

What offensive line did he say?

0:34:060:34:08

Well, I can exclusively reveal, what he said was,

0:34:110:34:14

"I don't expect to be finished until Friday at least, wubbawubbawubba".

0:34:140:34:19

If there's one thing we, the guys at Great Movie Mistakes IV hate,

0:34:200:34:24

it's an unnecessary sequel.

0:34:240:34:26

As you may recall me saying

0:34:260:34:27

way back in Great Movie Mistakes II and III.

0:34:270:34:30

But the good thing about sequels is that they give gainful employment

0:34:300:34:33

to a lot of Roman numerals

0:34:330:34:34

that would otherwise be claiming Jobseeker's Allowance.

0:34:340:34:37

It's really just sequels and clockfaces keeping them going.

0:34:370:34:40

Journey 2, you are letting the side down.

0:34:400:34:43

By the way, it's time that someone said this on television,

0:34:430:34:46

there is no such word as quadrilogy.

0:34:460:34:48

The word is tetralogy,

0:34:480:34:49

and last time I checked it was functioning perfectly well.

0:34:490:34:52

You know that game kids play where there's a tray,

0:34:550:34:57

and one thing gets removed, and you have to spot what it is?

0:34:570:35:00

Well, brainless action flick Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol

0:35:000:35:03

incorporated that game in the film.

0:35:030:35:05

So, watch carefully.

0:35:050:35:06

This wasn't a rescue mission?

0:35:060:35:08

Let me put it this way.

0:35:080:35:10

If the secretary wanted me out of there,

0:35:100:35:13

it must be pretty bad out here.

0:35:130:35:14

Now, what's gone? No?

0:35:150:35:18

That's right. It was that silver thing.

0:35:200:35:22

Our next Mission Impossible game is called

0:35:220:35:24

"What is that silver thing?"

0:35:240:35:26

Now it's the big-hearted Muppets movie,

0:35:290:35:31

and isn't Amy Adams just lovely?

0:35:310:35:33

She's so perky she's even brought partial life to these dead flowers.

0:35:350:35:38

It's OK, they're really sweet.

0:35:380:35:41

You don't mind that he's coming, right?

0:35:410:35:43

But not for long.

0:35:430:35:44

Some Muppets are tricky to work with.

0:35:460:35:49

Sam the Bald American Eagle, for example, is hugely xenophobic.

0:35:490:35:53

It's way too far.

0:35:530:35:54

That's why in this scene, when a bunch of them

0:35:540:35:56

travel to France by map...

0:35:560:35:58

..he's bailed out by the time they reach Gallic shores.

0:36:010:36:04

ALL: To Paris!

0:36:070:36:08

It's a well-known fact that nobody speaks German,

0:36:110:36:14

which is why the team behind this middling reboot of Sherlock Holmes

0:36:140:36:17

could get away with this little prank.

0:36:170:36:19

The subtitle says, "Time to introduce Little Hansel."

0:36:220:36:25

What he actually said translates as...

0:36:280:36:30

This next mistake is mainly here

0:36:360:36:38

to have a pop at the dreadful Twilight series.

0:36:380:36:41

Look at Bella's hands as she hides her morning sickness from Edward.

0:36:410:36:45

She closes the seat with her right hand,

0:36:450:36:48

then she's immediately putting all her weight on it with her left.

0:36:480:36:52

Possible, but athletic.

0:36:520:36:53

Ah, what a lovely couple.

0:36:560:36:58

There they are wearing wedding bands,

0:36:580:37:01

because Stephenie Meyer wants girls to know

0:37:010:37:03

that even if it's a vampire you're sleeping with,

0:37:030:37:05

you should Get Married First.

0:37:050:37:06

But the moment they're out of the cab, no more rings.

0:37:080:37:11

Art predicting life there.

0:37:110:37:13

Tongue-in-cheek and amusing, MIB III is a mind-bending time travel movie,

0:37:170:37:21

most obviously in this scene from New York, 1969.

0:37:210:37:25

See those pinball machines?

0:37:250:37:26

Pinball was banned in the Big Apple until 1976, as we all know.

0:37:280:37:32

And once again, the credibility of an alien-filled,

0:37:320:37:35

conspiracy-inspired, dimension-hopping movie is ruined.

0:37:350:37:37

Think your hoop's a little off. Want me to clean her?

0:37:370:37:40

More time-travel now,

0:37:440:37:45

as the guys seem to be stuck in a chronic hysterisis.

0:37:450:37:48

That's a time loop, to you and me.

0:37:480:37:49

See this van?

0:37:500:37:52

It's the same van we saw seconds ago.

0:37:520:37:54

Happily, they escape,

0:37:540:37:55

so the fourth film won't be two hours of more of the same.

0:37:550:37:59

Oooh! Another one!

0:38:030:38:06

There's also some extraordinary errors in the older MIB films.

0:38:060:38:10

In the funny and entertaining original,

0:38:100:38:12

we see that to be a Man In Black,

0:38:120:38:14

you need intelligence, bravery and secretarial skills.

0:38:140:38:17

Being a defender of the galaxy means Agent K types so quickly

0:38:180:38:21

his fingers don't even touch the keyboard.

0:38:210:38:24

Either that or he's tickling an invisible kitten.

0:38:240:38:26

Men In Black II is a disappointing letdown,

0:38:300:38:33

featuring as it does Agent K emptying his guns

0:38:330:38:35

at a giant rubbish bin.

0:38:350:38:36

Mind you, it's a bit fortunate.

0:38:490:38:51

Watch as he drops the guns on the floor,

0:38:510:38:53

only for them to be removed in the next shot.

0:38:530:38:56

Why can't my bin men be that efficient?

0:38:560:38:58

You know our arrangements, Jeff.

0:39:030:39:05

You don't travel outside of the E, F and R subway lines...

0:39:050:39:08

Actors, eh? Always desperate to show off their improv.

0:39:080:39:10

Here, the actor playing Agent T demonstrates his miming skills

0:39:110:39:16

as he wrestles with an invisible weed.

0:39:160:39:18

Oops, someone forgot the CGI.

0:39:180:39:20

Next thing you know,

0:39:200:39:21

he'll be battling his way out of a pretend box

0:39:210:39:23

and descending an imaginary staircase.

0:39:230:39:25

What would we do without crime?

0:39:270:39:29

Eh? If we didn't have crime,

0:39:290:39:31

the Godfather films would be about a series of christenings,

0:39:310:39:34

Sexy Beast would be just two hours of shiny cockneys

0:39:340:39:37

having a lovely holly bobs,

0:39:370:39:38

and Oceans 11 to 13

0:39:380:39:40

would be a dreary account of too many men making a deposit.

0:39:400:39:43

But luckily, there is crime.

0:39:430:39:45

Hooray for crime and all the films that are made about her.

0:39:450:39:49

Though, as you'll see,

0:39:490:39:51

crime movies are just as guilty of some inexcusable errors.

0:39:510:39:55

This is Drive, a soulless film about a character called The Driver,

0:39:550:39:59

who does driving...

0:39:590:40:00

And crimes.

0:40:000:40:02

Here, the driver nudges a car off the cliff, the rotter.

0:40:030:40:06

But although he hits the door...

0:40:080:40:10

It's the bumper that gets crumpled.

0:40:120:40:14

Which is going to play havoc with the no-claims bonus.

0:40:140:40:17

Now for the dullest transformer ever.

0:40:200:40:22

A kind of optimus sub-prime.

0:40:220:40:23

The car that beeps at Ryan and Carey is clearly a silver Ford Focus.

0:40:280:40:32

But as it passes, it's equally clearly a blue Toyota.

0:40:320:40:35

Transformers - Toyota Corollas in disguise.

0:40:370:40:39

Sometimes in films it's necessary to flip the shot,

0:40:440:40:47

for example, if an actor has put his face on the wrong way round,

0:40:470:40:50

or is frowning instead of smiling.

0:40:500:40:53

But hey, Drive film-makers, if you are going to flip the shot

0:40:530:40:56

try to do it when there's not lots of big writing on screen, yeah?

0:40:560:41:00

We have a bit of an underwear problem

0:41:030:41:05

in the moderately entertaining Man On A Ledge.

0:41:050:41:08

Joey is wearing his green undies above his jeans

0:41:080:41:10

because he is one of "da yoot".

0:41:100:41:12

But in the very same sequence they go all black.

0:41:130:41:16

This is why they normally don't let actors wear their own pants.

0:41:160:41:20

Robert De Niro is, of course, a follower of the Method School

0:41:230:41:26

developed by Lee Strasberg from the teachings of Stanislavsky.

0:41:260:41:29

Whereas Jason Statham supports Chelsea.

0:41:310:41:34

-What you doing?

-I'm going to get my watch back.

0:41:340:41:37

This is the pacey but basic action movie Killer Elite.

0:41:370:41:40

De Niro's training is in evidence here

0:41:420:41:44

as simply can't decide

0:41:440:41:46

whether his character would wear his watch in his back pocket

0:41:460:41:49

or on his wrist.

0:41:490:41:50

Jason now peevishly kicks a slat from the chair he's tied to,

0:41:560:42:00

but such is his kinship with all things wooden,

0:42:000:42:02

he's repaired it by next time we see it.

0:42:020:42:05

So, there you have it.

0:42:060:42:07

Once again, moviemakers have spent the year cramming their films

0:42:070:42:11

with moments as wrong and yet as entertaining as a chocolate bus.

0:42:110:42:15

I hope you enjoyed watching them as much as we've enjoyed finding them.

0:42:150:42:18

Actually, wait, I hope you've enjoyed it a lot more than that,

0:42:180:42:21

because it's actually quite time-consuming.

0:42:210:42:23

Anyway, thanks for watching,

0:42:230:42:26

this has been Grand Movie Mishaps 5, and I've been Keith Lemon.

0:42:260:42:30

Hello.

0:42:300:42:32

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0:42:470:42:51

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