Browse content similar to 22/08/2014. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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Good morning, Gerry. There's an awful lot of people working for you. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:38 | |
What do you mean? I have a team around me. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:42 | |
Where's my team? I don't have a team. Only him in there. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:45 | |
Have you ever had the notion they're trying to push you out? | 0:00:45 | 0:00:50 | |
You're one step closer to... | 0:00:50 | 0:00:54 | |
A lot of people envy my slot. ..the scrap heap? | 0:00:54 | 0:00:57 | |
You're so mean. Right, go away now! Bye. Bye. | 0:00:57 | 0:01:02 | |
There's a call on one. Hello. Hello, Gerry? Yes? | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
Gerry, did you see the chap on yesterday about hypnotising the hen? | 0:01:05 | 0:01:09 | |
Let me explain this to the listeners. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
We were talking yesterday about the occurrence of a man. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:15 | |
He used to go around the schools and bring a hen into the classroom | 0:01:15 | 0:01:19 | |
to display to the children what a strange and wonderful world this is. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:23 | |
He'd get a piece of chalk and draw a long straight line on the floor. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:27 | |
He'd get a piece of chalk and draw a long straight line on the floor. That's it. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:28 | |
Then he'd put the hen on its side so its eye would look along the white line. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:33 | |
That's it. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
And the hen would never move unless someone came into the line of vision or broke the line of the line. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:41 | |
We went out and got a hen. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
You got a hen?! Oh, you had some outside grazing. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:48 | |
Aye. I put a line on the floor here, put her down on the line and she hasn't moved since. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:54 | |
That's nearly 24 hours. It's 24 and three quarters going on... | 0:01:54 | 0:01:58 | |
24...45...55. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:02 | |
It's going on for 25 hours. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
So you can tell me from experience yesterday that it works. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:09 | |
You can say 25 hours. I'm gonna have to lift her, Gerry. She's a laying hen and she didn't lay yesterday. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:14 | |
She's due to lay today. I had a feel and there's an egg in her. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:18 | |
You had a bit of a feel? Aye. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
So there's one in the breech? Aye. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
How do I get her out of this? | 0:02:22 | 0:02:23 | |
If I were you, the logical way to approach this would be to get yourself a wet cloth. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:29 | |
Right. Did you make the line with chalk? Aye, yeah. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:31 | |
Start at the end of it. Will I do that now? | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
Yeah. And start rubbing it out. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
Hold on, hold on. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
I had to cover her in a blanket last night in case she came to in the middle of the night. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:43 | |
You're not making this up? No. She's here. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
I'm getting worried about her now. She's breathing all right. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:51 | |
You'd think she was dead but she's just still. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
She might need artificial insem... No! | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
HE LAUGHS Make sure you go to the right end! | 0:02:56 | 0:02:59 | |
Will you come back to me when... | 0:02:59 | 0:03:02 | |
I'm going to do it here now. Talk me through it. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:06 | |
I'll have to put the phone down. Go ahead. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:09 | |
CHAIR SCRAPES ON FLOOR | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
Let's hope that wasn't the hen! | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
This is a genuine happening here. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:16 | |
Hold on, Gerry. I'm explaining to the listeners. Come back when you're ready. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:21 | |
A lot of radio presenters would use this as a comedy piece but this isn't a comedy piece. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:26 | |
GLASS SMASHING/CRASHING BANGING | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
Watch her! | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
CHICKEN CLUCKS FURIOUSLY | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
Get away from the window! | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
COMMOTION CONTINUES | 0:03:36 | 0:03:41 | |
GLASS SMASHES | 0:03:41 | 0:03:43 | |
Let her out! Let her out! | 0:03:43 | 0:03:47 | |
I'll have her out! | 0:03:51 | 0:03:52 | |
Something's gone badly wrong here. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
FOOTSTEPS | 0:03:55 | 0:03:59 | |
Gerry, hold on. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:00 | |
I think there's something gone wrong there. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:03 | |
What happened? | 0:04:03 | 0:04:06 | |
She flew out there window and wrecked the statue here. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:08 | |
It's like a family thing. Child of Prague. There's broken bits here. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:12 | |
I'm going to have to go, Gerry. The wife's in. It's Gerry Anderson. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:18 | |
I don't blame you, Gerry. I know you started it but I don't blame you. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
It's my own fault, right? We'll get back to you when you come round. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:25 | |
Bye. Bye. OK. Bye. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:28 | |
Did you hear what happened there? | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
I think I did. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
What happened is the hen went berserk and knocked down the Child of Prague statue. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:37 | |
Do you know what that means? | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
Bad luck, is it? | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
It's not good. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
Morning, Gerry. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:35 | |
Remember, Stephen, you said why don't they do an animated cartoon of you and I said...? | 0:05:35 | 0:05:40 | |
A cartoon. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:41 | |
If we got a football and a golf ball and put hair on the golf ball, that's his head and that's it done! | 0:05:41 | 0:05:46 | |
But we can't do it because not a lot of people have widescreen. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:49 | |
I've had enough of this. You're in the studio... | 0:05:49 | 0:05:52 | |
You don't like it? I don't. I want my own cartoon. It's ridiculous! Nobody likes him in Belfast. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:58 | |
No-one likes me in Derry either! | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
He comes here and he struts around in the suit and he has his little apartment and his Merc. His Mercedes. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:05 | |
It's pathetic! I don't care. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
Goodbye. Goodbye. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
OK, bye. Wait till you hear this. You heard this yesterday | 0:06:09 | 0:06:13 | |
but you wouldn't pass this on to me. You know what this is. Stop it. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:17 | |
You know what this is. Yes but people don't want to know. This is where you're wrong. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:21 | |
This programme could be better. There are things that you don't like. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:25 | |
That's right. Things you don't like me talking about. No! I didn't know how to broach this. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:30 | |
Why didn't you tell me? I didn't know... | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
There's things that embarrass you because you're a nice Catholic lad | 0:06:32 | 0:06:35 | |
and I'm a bad young Catholic lad. I'm not as nice as you | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
and there are things that I like talking about that you don't. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:42 | |
So you don't tell me things that I'd talk about... | 0:06:42 | 0:06:45 | |
We wondered... | 0:06:45 | 0:06:47 | |
You kept this back from me. This is the greatest thing I have ever heard | 0:06:47 | 0:06:51 | |
and you never told me because you don't think it's nice. Let's put it out to the people. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:55 | |
No! A man rang this programme... | 0:06:55 | 0:06:57 | |
You're embarrassed because you can't believe I'll tell the people this. | 0:06:57 | 0:07:01 | |
I know. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:02 | |
A man rang this programme yesterday claiming to be a doctor. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:05 | |
Yes, "claiming". Didn't I say, "claiming to be a doctor"? Yes. Yes. | 0:07:05 | 0:07:09 | |
He said that when he was a student doctor... | 0:07:09 | 0:07:13 | |
he was involved in artificial insemination. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:17 | |
You don't like that do you? No. Right. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:20 | |
But what he actually did was... | 0:07:20 | 0:07:22 | |
People donated - and I hope you don't mind this, the children listening - | 0:07:22 | 0:07:25 | |
their sperm. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
He had to separate the Catholic sperm from the Protestant sperm. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:33 | |
Now, I leave it up to you, | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
is that true? | 0:07:36 | 0:07:37 | |
I tend to believe it because, after all, this is Northern Ireland. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:41 | |
The sperm aren't Catholic or Protestant but they came from Catholic people. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:45 | |
If a sperm comes from a Catholic person... | 0:07:45 | 0:07:48 | |
Did you see the match last night? | 0:07:48 | 0:07:49 | |
You see! This is what's wrong with you. This is why I'm in this seat and you're not - | 0:07:49 | 0:07:54 | |
because you won't take a chance. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:55 | |
You're worried in case neighbours or people in the street talk about this. Do you know what I am, Sean? | 0:07:55 | 0:08:01 | |
I'm a beacon of truth. I'll talk about Catholic and Protestant sperm if it kills me! | 0:08:01 | 0:08:05 | |
Unless they sack me! By thunder, so be it! | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
You know...the...the...that sell the, um, fake imitation lea-lea-leather coats? | 0:08:07 | 0:08:14 | |
They're in Cullybackey. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
Why not engage in this? Why will you not join me in deciding | 0:08:16 | 0:08:19 | |
whether or not there are Catholic sperm and Protestant sperm...? Oh... You see, you know, | 0:08:19 | 0:08:25 | |
you've no imagination. I want to know if that's true. Any trainee doctors out there, | 0:08:25 | 0:08:29 | |
maybe they could tell me if that's the truth? | 0:08:29 | 0:08:32 | |
Do they separate the sperm of Catholic people from Protestant people? | 0:08:32 | 0:08:35 | |
You don't even like the word sperm. Eurgh. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:38 | |
Sperm. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:39 | |
Why are you so embarrassed? You are so embarrassed. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:42 | |
There's a call on one. Hello. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
Hello, good morning. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:46 | |
Good morning, Sean, er, Gerry. That's all right. That's me. Don't worry. | 0:08:46 | 0:08:50 | |
I spoke to Sean and got muddled up. It could happen to a bishop. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:53 | |
Well, it's happened to me this morning. I was opening a tin of corned beef | 0:08:53 | 0:08:57 | |
and I've just cut my finger. The blood's pouring out of my finger here. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:01 | |
How charming(!) It's awful. I hope you're OK. Well, | 0:09:01 | 0:09:05 | |
I have lost half a pint of blood. Could you find out | 0:09:05 | 0:09:07 | |
from somebody who makes them why they must put the corned beef in square tins with a key on to get them open? | 0:09:07 | 0:09:13 | |
They're the most awkward thing I've ever tried to get open. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
Keys on corned beef tins. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:17 | |
It was after opening a tin that I got my finger cut. By thunder. I wondered if you could find out? | 0:09:17 | 0:09:23 | |
I'll do what I can. I'd be very grateful to you. All right then. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:27 | |
I would really. OK? OK. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Bye. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:31 | |
Bye. Thank you. Sean, I want to about the quality of the calls today. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:34 | |
Excellent, aren't they? Very good. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:36 | |
Maybe perhaps you could go easy on the corned beef tin calls, you know, for maybe a show or two? | 0:09:36 | 0:09:42 | |
I think we've covered that. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:09:47 | 0:09:50 | |
What about the man? Er, the lady. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:32 | |
Where? One. I didn't know about her. ..Good morning. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:35 | |
I thought you'd never answer! He didn't tell me you were on. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:39 | |
He's very dour, isn't he? | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
Yes, he is, as a matter of fact. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
People don't know what I have to put up with. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:46 | |
He's abrupt and short. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
People don't realise I'm not being helped at all here. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:51 | |
At least he got you on the phone. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:53 | |
But I'm bubbly and gay... Sorry, I'm bubbly and bright! | 0:10:53 | 0:10:56 | |
OK, what is your name? My name is Karen. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:58 | |
Do you know why I'm ringing you? I'm having awful trouble with a crow. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:02 | |
It's attacking my house. I think it's a crow. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:05 | |
It's been doing this now for four days. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
It's actually sitting up now as we speak, watching my house. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:11 | |
Is it? It is. Did you ever see that film The Birds? | 0:11:11 | 0:11:14 | |
That is what it's like. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:15 | |
If another 5,000 join it, you're in trouble. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:17 | |
This is what I'm worrying about. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
If it's on its own, I wouldn't worry. Is it tapping your window? | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
It's not tapping the window. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
It's actually dive-bombing the window till the blood is running down the window. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:29 | |
I have a horse and I have him tied up out the back | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
because it attacked the horse. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
It attacked a horse? And it hits your windows until the blood flies out of the bird? | 0:11:33 | 0:11:37 | |
It's self-harm, is that what it's called? Self destruction, yeah. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:40 | |
A kamikaze. This seems to be like some kind of bird madness. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:44 | |
It wouldn't be a bad sign? | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
I wouldn't worry about that - it's just a bird crazy. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
There are many crazy birds knocking about. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
Well, I know that. We can't get any sleep. | 0:11:51 | 0:11:54 | |
That's how loud it is. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:55 | |
And my daughter has even camcordered it and it tried to attack her. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:59 | |
It's a hell of a bird, that. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
I'll tell you what, I'm sure somebody will ring us with a logical explanation... | 0:12:01 | 0:12:06 | |
Clingfilm! Yes? Clingfilm will stop the crow. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:10 | |
Will it? You wrap it in it? | 0:12:10 | 0:12:12 | |
No, if you put clingfilm at the bottom of the window. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:14 | |
The bird is seeing its reflection. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
Don't be silly - sure it's at the roof and everything. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
It's not just the window. The thing is trying to demolish the house. Did you not listen? | 0:12:19 | 0:12:24 | |
Even I know that if it's tapping at the window, it thinks it's its reflection. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:28 | |
This is a serious crow. It's determined to gain entry. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:31 | |
Is this crow tapping at the... It's ripping the roof off the bloody house! | 0:12:31 | 0:12:35 | |
It's trying to demolish the house! It's not trying to tap the window. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:40 | |
The woman is lying in her bed terrified! | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
Your wife's the same, every night you come home. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:45 | |
What's that noise? I'm doing my ironing. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
At the same time as talking to me? | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
Yes. That's a lack of respect. That's a lack of respect. | 0:12:50 | 0:12:53 | |
Could you please give a thank you to a Mr Geddis? | 0:12:53 | 0:12:58 | |
Yes? For solving the problem of my septic tank. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:04 | |
OK, thank you for solving Karen's problem with her septic tank. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:07 | |
Do you remember I was on the phone months ago about my septic tank? | 0:13:07 | 0:13:11 | |
Did they tell you to put a chicken in it? | 0:13:11 | 0:13:13 | |
They told me to put something dead in it. Yes, a chicken will do. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
Well, I got a fox. | 0:13:16 | 0:13:19 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:13:19 | 0:13:21 | |
Can I be turned off? No, this is too good! | 0:13:24 | 0:13:27 | |
I got a fox. A dead fox? | 0:13:27 | 0:13:29 | |
I found a fox at the side of the road. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
I didn't kill the fox. Right. Mr Geddis did offer me something. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:36 | |
What did he offer you? He offered me a donkey. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
^ HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY | 0:13:38 | 0:13:42 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:42 | 0:13:46 | |
That's a bit big, isn't it? | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
That's what I said. It wouldn't fit into a septic tank. | 0:13:48 | 0:13:53 | |
You'd have to bend it over double. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:57 | |
Would you kill it first before putting it in the tank? | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
This is the thing. He'd never kill a donkey. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
It would die of natural causes? | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
I had to just go and look for something dead. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
I found a fox and put it in the septic tank | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
and everything seems to have come smelling of roses! | 0:14:08 | 0:14:11 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:11 | 0:14:14 | |
I think we'll just leave it at that. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:17 | |
No wonder they're attacking you - | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
they've heard you've donkeys in your septic tank. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:22 | |
Anyone knows how to stop... | 0:14:22 | 0:14:24 | |
Another thing - I need a digger driver. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:26 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
Sure, you wouldn't get him into a septic tank! | 0:14:28 | 0:14:30 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
He mightn't want to go in! | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
GUNSHOT | 0:14:39 | 0:14:40 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd - 2006 | 0:14:45 | 0:14:48 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 |