Episode 2 Roald Dahl's City of the Unexpected

Over two days,

hundreds of thousands of people packed the streets of Cardiff

for the City Of The Unexpected.

Nobody could have seen everything,

so here's what happened on that magical weekend.

SIRENS BLARE

Welcome to Cardiff city centre,

where thousands of people have lined the streets

to celebrate the centenary of the birth

of one of Cardiff's most famous sons,

the much-loved author Roald Dahl.

Now, I, for one, have been so looking forward to this weekend

of Dahl-inspired mischief and mayhem,

and though I've met some of the people involved,

I still have no idea what to expect from the City Of The Unexpected.

They're cordoning off the area

because a giant peach has fallen from the sky.

Who knew such a thing could happen here in Cardiff?

Hello! Who are you?

Where have you come from?

What do you want?

Excuse me, Officer, I'm a little concerned about what's happening.

At the moment, we've got people assessing

to see if there's any sort of chemicals in the peach.

We've got all our professionals around

-just to make sure that it's safe.

-Hello?

IN ARABIC:

Good afternoon to the people of Wales.

I have recently concluded a briefing with the City of Cardiff Council,

the Chief Inspector of South Wales Police

and the Chief Fire Officer.

They have asked me to stress

that members of the public should not, at this stage,

ingest the peach juice

which appears to have been deposited on streets,

and please show due care and caution.

GEIGER COUNTER CLICKS

-Is it radioactive?

-Not at the moment.

The guys have tested it, and everything seems to be OK.

SQUELCHING What's that guy doing?

I think he's taking all the juice out of the peach.

SQUELCHING

CAR ALARM WAILS

Some very official people have just turned up.

The Ministry of the Predictable.

They don't look much fun. I'm not going to mess with them.

This peach is an obstruction

under the 1987 Pwllheli Roaldation Avoidance Act,

subsection 4, paragraph 2B, 3C, 7Q.

Trunchbunk.

Yes, Permanent Secretary.

I want a detailed report, Trunchbunk.

Certainly, Permanent Secretary.

I want all paperwork completed to decide whether this peach,

this peach,

should be clipped, cropped, pared, changed shade or cut up.

CHAINSAW WHIRS

It looks as though, very worryingly, they are going to chop up the peach,

and not for consumption.

-ALL CHANT:

-Save our peach. Save our peach.

Save our peach. Save our peach.

Save our peach. Save our peach. Save our peach.

Shh.

Seize that child.

CHILD SCREAMS

Thank you.

The little girl going up to the peach... This is a bit worrying.

Doesn't she know it's a massive peach that could fall on her head?

BUBBLING

Don't be frightened.

# Just reach out and touch it

# Savour and smell it

# The most beautiful thing that you've ever seen

# Such sensual pleasure Mouthwatering bliss

# Now ripe for the picking

# You simply can't miss it

# Just wipe down your mouth

# Take your lips out and kiss it

# For the city's alive with magic today

# There are miracles swirling in reach

# Let go of your fear

# Let go...

# Simply touch it... #

-Can you teach me the move?

-Yeah.

# Savour it

# This marvellous, glorious pe-e-each. #

CHEERING

SHUSHING

I think there's someone in there.

-ETHEREAL VOICE:

-Hello?

It's OK.

Oi, you lot.

We're going to pick up the peach and find some help.

CHEERING

So, even though there was panic on the streets of Cardiff earlier,

it seems as though the peach

might not be as dangerous as first thought.

Save our peach. Save our peach.

-Save our peach..

-I think I got the message.

Save our peach. Save our peach.

# Once upon a time There was a vulture and a hog

# Living in a house upon a hill

# He said, "Boy, you may not know it This here's salvation, you see"

# Son, you're going down in history

# Good news is coming round the corner... #

Everywhere you turn,

there are crazy, surprising, colourful things going on.

But I'm going to move before I get run over by a peach.

# Must be good news chasing me

# Good enough to set everybody free

# Good news, good news, good news

# Good news, good news

# Good news. #

The Ministry of the Predictable...

They're very, very officious. You mustn't cross them.

Save our peach. Save our peach.

Save our peach. Save our peach.

The peach has arrived in Cardiff Castle. What do you make of it?

Well, it's just enormous and so mystifying.

We're just waiting to find out what's going to happen next.

-What do you think is going to happen next?

-Well, I don't know.

I'm wondering whether people are going to come out of it,

or whether it's going to be hoisted up in the air for everyone to see.

-Ooh!

-It's magical!

FANFARE

As Lord Mayor of the City of Cardiff,

and on behalf of its people,

it gives me great pleasure

to welcome this magnificent piece of fruit to our city.

Now, this persistent young lady to my side

tells me that she has heard a voice from within the peach.

This presents another tricky problem.

So, the head of the fire service is going to go into the peach

and see who he can rescue.

# The city's alive with magic today

# There are miracles swirling in reach

# Let go of your fear, let go...

# Simply touch it... #

Look!

The fireman has actually rescued someone from inside the peach,

and it looks like a small boy.

Could it be James?

If you thought when we started this was going to be a random event

full of the unexpected, you were right.

But the surprises just get more magical,

and looking at these people's faces,

they're in, they're believing this story.

It really is wonderful.

It's a great delight to welcome this boy to Cardiff,

and to see such an incredible crowd gather to greet him.

And this being the land of song,

why don't we sing him a very big Welsh welcome?

THEY SING IN WELSH

Wow! I think it's a grasshopper.

APPLAUSE

Hundreds of thousands of people are singing in Cardiff.

It's like rugby international day, but with a giant peach.

It's not my favourite creature,

but I'm thrilled to see a spider come out of the peach.

# Every day, we're coming up... #

Oh, it is, it is, it is. It's a ladybird.

My name is James.

We are really sorry for crash- landing in your city this morning,

because we realise we're different from the usual visitors

you get here.

So thank you, Cardiff.

HE SPEAKS WELSH

Miss Ladybird wanted me to say

that Welsh firemen are the most handsome men she has ever seen.

CHEERING

It sounds to me like the ladybird's got a little bit of a crush

on the fireman.

Well, who hasn't, really? He's hunky.

Overseeing the peach welcome, some foxes,

who jumped at the opportunity

to entertain the huge crowd gathered outside the castle.

# Mr Fox, we beg you

# Be fantastic one more time

# If we should lose you We'll forever lose our smile... #

-Who can you see? Who can you see up there?

-Mr Fox.

Mr Fox. Is he fantastic?

Yes, he is!

Oh, dear.

These angry farmers seem to think

that these foxes are anything but fantastic.

# ..Surely you'll have many more

# One more time, Mr Fox

# Please, one more time

# Please outfox them one more time

# Cos you're fantastic, Mr Fox

# Yes, you are

# You're fantastic, Mr Fox

# You're fantastic, Mr Fox... #

No, it's not the BFG.

But I found someone who has a very close connection

to today's celebrations. Who are you?

I'm Luke Kelly.

I'm the managing director of the Roald Dahl Literary Estate,

and one of Roald's grandchildren.

-So, you're Roald Dahl's grandson?

-I am.

And I hear you're the same height as him.

I am the same height as him - 6'6".

If he were here, I'm sure he would be very proud,

but what have you made of today's celebration?

I think it's been a really wonderful reflection of his creative spirit,

and I think he would have loved looking round the city today

and seeing all these little faces light up

as amazing spectacles took place,

like the fox walking a tightrope behind us right now.

And I think there's no better

and more appropriate place for it to happen

than here in Wales, where he was born, 100 years later.

CHEERING

The farmers appear to be regrouping again

as a foxhunt gathers momentum.

So, we're the other side of the castle now,

and it seems that Mrs Fox and fantastic Mr Fox

are having a JCB dance.

Well, it is the unexpected.

MUSIC: Swan Lake Suite, Op 20, Lake In The Moonlight

I think they love each other.

Yeah.

Mr Fox! Mr Fox!

The farmers are coming. Scarper.

ANGRY SHOUTING

Down with children!

The farmers aren't the only angry lot in Cardiff today.

Over at City Hall, a group of follicly challenged men

from the Abolish Children Party

our rallying to do away with kids altogether.

So many parents today have said to us,

"Yes, we want to join your party,

"because we like what you stand for."

Abolish all children.

We are doing our best to spread the word across Wales.

I do not see it as hatred,

but as a way of helping the poor mamas and papas

who are suffering under the burden of having children around.

But, unfortunately, all children smell, all children cost money,

so we need to get rid of them.

The Ministry of the Predictable,

not the sort of character you want to mess with on the streets today.

Excuse me, are you having fun?

Cardiff is not a place for fun on a Saturday afternoon.

That is a totally unacceptable thing to have.

People who want fun should make their way to Swansea,

where I realise things are a lot slacker.

Meanwhile, our fabulous Mr Fox has found his way to the museum.

He's a right charmer with some pretty foxy footwork.

MUSIC PLAYS

Uh-oh.

I don't think Mrs Fox is impressed at all.

INDISTINCT SHOUTING

# Fox on the run

# You scream and everybody comes a-running

# Take a run and hide yourself away

# Fox on the run

# F-Foxy Fox on the run and hide away... #

ORGAN MUSIC

Mrs Fox still looks a bit miffed to me,

but the thing about Mr Fox is, he always bounces back for more.

The fantastic Mr Fox and his family

have made their way to the Castle Arcade.

Is there no end to his talent?

CLASSICAL MUSIC

APPLAUSE

What do you think about Mr Fox so far?

-He's multitalented, isn't he?

-I can't believe it.

He's dressed so fine, as well.

Every inch of Cardiff has been sprinkled

by a touch of Dahl magic,

including the iconic Animal Wall here at Cardiff Castle.

Look at that!

It's been an upbeat, energetic day here in Cardiff,

but now the sun's gone down, the mood's changed slightly,

and love is in the air here in the city.

And there's one very important wedding

that we're all invited to.

# Love is in the air

# Everywhere I look around. #

Love is definitely in the air. Are you excited?

-BOTH:

-Yes!

I've forgotten my hat.

# Every sight and every sound

# And I don't know if I'm being foolish. #

Hello, everyone!

Hello.

It's me, James.

We are having a little bit of unexpected trouble.

-I'm not coming out.

-She's having cold feet.

Cold feet?!

Come on! I did not just polish up all eight shoes just to hang about

a toilet in Cardiff!

Time to move!

Come on!

Oh, you look beautiful.

Let's go!

OPERA MUSIC PLAYS

WEDDING MARCH PLAYS

Well, despite a last-minute wobble, Miss Ladybird has arrived.

WEDDING MARCH PLAYS

BRIDAL CHORUS PLAYS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Do you, Llewellyn Bevan, take Miss Ladybird

to be your wife through flames and fire,

through water and flood as long as you both shall live?

I do.

And do you, Miss Ladybird, take Llewellyn Bevan

to be your husband,

to have and to hold with all six hands

as long as you both shall live?

I do.

I now declare you are husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Do you love me?

# Do you love me?

# Do you love me?

# Do you love me?

# Do you love me?

# Do you love me?

# Now that I can dance...

# Do you love me? #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Chocolate!

-It's chocolate!

-BOTH:

-Chocolate!

Oh, wow! That is actually wow!

Look!

# And I think to myself

# What a wonderful world. #

It's James and the giant peach!

# I think to myself... #

Yeah!

# What a wonderful world. #

What an amazing end to an amazing day.

The spirit of Dahl has truly taken over Cardiff.

A day to remember, eh?

Yes!

Wow!

So it's Sunday afternoon and what better to do the day after

a wedding than a Dahlesque-inspired pyjama picnic in the park?

So I've come across the Marvellous Medicine Machine,

where they're mixing up a potion to stop parents being

so bossy and grumpy, using all sorts of ingredients.

I don't think I'm going to try it.

What's he putting in there?

-Poo.

-Poo?!

Ych a fi!

Who has picked their nose this morning?

Anyone?

We are going to change our parents from being bossy and grumpy.

It will change your life forever!

Last night, we put 300 pheasants to sleep

and they are in those woods over there

and I need your help to get them. Can you help me?

-ALL:

-Yes!

And to help the children with the pheasant hunt

was Mrs Clipstone and the vicar Mr Clipstone.

The children had to search the woods high and low to find

the friendly pheasants,

but running after them were the unfriendly gamekeepers.

The children had to make their way back to Mrs Clipstone's pram

and, in return for their pheasants, a bar of chocolate

from Danny, Champion of the World.

The chefs of the Bicycle Banquet Table are preparing

a typical Revolting Recipe, a la Roald Dahl -

peaches and meatballs.

Lovely peach.

La meat!

Agggh!

Agggh!

Today is all about joining in and you'll see that some people

have got one of these,

not because they want an afternoon nap,

oh, no, because we're all invited to a massive pillow fight.

MUSIC: O Fortuna by Carl Orff

If you can't beat them, join them.

Now, the one person I haven't seen in the Bute Park today is Mr Fox.

He's been spotted in Cardiff Market.

Well, there's been a bit of stuff missing from the freezer lately -

a leg of lamb, a chicken. We just can't put our finger on it.

Then I came in this morning, opened up,

a fox frozen in the freezer.

Right between the pheasants and the faggots. Fiddlesticks.

I flipping hate foxes!

I've never seen a fox in a freezer before.

Maybe we should try chopping him up and trying to sell him.

No, not a lot of call for fox meat in this market here.

Out of season.

As you can see, the angry farmers are parading

the fox throughout the field.

They want him gone

and the protesters are fighting to save our fox!

He's not so clever now, is he?!

Not so clever!

Save our fox! Save our fox!

We can see Mr Fox dangling from the sky.

It's very worrying.

It looks like he's being submerged into a water tank,

and this one he may not escape.

Save our fox! Save our fox!

Save our fox! Save our fox!

Save our fox!

I can't watch. I can't watch.

# You're the greatest, Mr Fox

# We do so love you. #

-He's getting free.

-He's free?

-Yeah.

He's Houdini Fox. Magic Mr Fox.

CHEERING

And what better way to celebrate Mr Fox's release

than by having a party?

A good old Welsh traditional twmpath.

And your partners galloping in the middle.

Out. And again.

In...and out.

Right arm.

What a fitting end to a wonderful weekend.

Thank you, Cardiff, but also, thank you, Roald Dahl.

# Thank you, Cardiff

# A city of true wonder

# Such unexpected pleasures everywhere we roam

# Thank you, Cardiff

# Your parks and streets we've wandered

# I've come to understand why people

# Call you home. #

Wow!