Hilary Mantel: A Culture Show Special The Culture Show


Hilary Mantel: A Culture Show Special

Similar Content

Browse content similar to Hilary Mantel: A Culture Show Special. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript


LineFromTo

Hilary Mantel used to be one of Britain's most under-rated writers,

0:00:020:00:05

but since winning The Man Booker Prize in 2009,

0:00:050:00:08

for her novel Wolf Hall,

0:00:080:00:10

she has received international recognition.

0:00:100:00:13

Her fiction is dark, compelling and richly textured.

0:00:130:00:17

Its subject-matter ranges from The French Revolution

0:00:170:00:20

to the Court of Henry VIII,

0:00:200:00:22

from dysfunctional families in the North of England

0:00:220:00:24

to the life of a troubled psychic in Woking.

0:00:240:00:27

"Wolf Hall" is an epic account of the rise of Thomas Cromwell

0:00:270:00:32

during the reign of Henry VIII.

0:00:320:00:34

It was praised for the immediacy of its prose,

0:00:340:00:37

the power of its characterisation, and its savage sense of humour.

0:00:370:00:41

Despite a recent interruption due to illness,

0:00:410:00:44

she's now working on its sequel, The Mirror and the Light.

0:00:440:00:48

In this intimate portrait for The Culture Show,

0:00:480:00:50

film-maker James Runcie talks exclusively to Hilary Mantel

0:00:500:00:55

about her life and her work.

0:00:550:00:58

She begins with a piece of advice.

0:00:580:01:00

This is what I recommend to people who ask me how to get published.

0:01:120:01:16

Trust your reader. Stop spoon-feeding your reader.

0:01:160:01:20

Give your reader credit for being as smart as you at least.

0:01:200:01:24

Concentrate on sharpening your memory and peeling your sensibility.

0:01:250:01:30

Cut every page you write by at least one third.

0:01:320:01:35

Stop constructing those piffling little similes of yours.

0:01:370:01:40

Work out what it is you want to say.

0:01:410:01:44

Then say it in the most direct and vigorous way you can.

0:01:450:01:49

Eat meat. Drink blood.

0:01:510:01:54

Give up your social life and don't think you can have friends.

0:01:550:01:59

Rise in the quiet hours of the night

0:02:000:02:04

and prick your fingertips,

0:02:040:02:06

and use the blood for ink.

0:02:060:02:08

But do I take my own advice?

0:02:110:02:13

Not a bit.

0:02:150:02:17

Hilary Mantel is an intense, troubling, and evocative writer.

0:02:210:02:26

Her principal themes are of history and individual identity,

0:02:260:02:30

religion and rebellion,

0:02:300:02:32

and the influence of the dead upon the living.

0:02:320:02:35

Her fiction asks how we come to be the people we are

0:02:350:02:39

and it occupies the hinterland

0:02:390:02:41

between what is real and what is imagined.

0:02:410:02:45

It's a world in which nothing is quite what it seems.

0:02:450:02:49

Hilary, whenever I read your work,

0:02:500:02:52

I have to say I find it rather unsettling and disturbing.

0:02:520:02:56

It makes me feel unstable.

0:02:560:02:58

Is that a deliberate effect? Are you seeking that effect?

0:02:580:03:02

I don't think I can help it.

0:03:020:03:04

It's very much...

0:03:040:03:07

the way I view the world, I think.

0:03:070:03:10

I don't trust it tremendously.

0:03:100:03:12

I always feel that if I put my hand through the wall,

0:03:130:03:17

my hand might go through it.

0:03:170:03:19

I think as a child, you see, I was always listening hard,

0:03:200:03:24

I was always trying to get some purchase on what was going on

0:03:240:03:28

or work out what was happening in the next room.

0:03:280:03:31

And...there's a little bit

0:03:310:03:34

in Wolf Hall, where Cardinal Woolsey says,

0:03:340:03:40

"Never let me hear you say

0:03:400:03:42

"you don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

0:03:420:03:46

"Find out!"

0:03:460:03:48

And that, I spent my childhood trying to do that,

0:03:480:03:52

so that becomes a habit.

0:03:520:03:54

You really do need to know for your self preservation

0:03:540:03:58

whether the devil is behind that door.

0:03:580:04:01

Not everyone thinks that.

0:04:030:04:05

Fools!

0:04:080:04:09

SHE LAUGHS

0:04:090:04:12

Hilary Mantel's disquieting imagination

0:04:150:04:17

has its roots in her childhood experiences

0:04:170:04:20

in the North of England in the 1950s.

0:04:200:04:23

I grew up in a village on the fringes of the Peak District.

0:04:250:04:29

A village called Hadfield, a mill village.

0:04:290:04:32

A strange place, rather bleak,

0:04:330:04:36

on the edges of the moorland.

0:04:360:04:39

There was a sense of it being not just at the end

0:04:390:04:42

of the railway line from Manchester but rather at the end of everything.

0:04:420:04:48

It's a self-contained community,

0:04:480:04:50

where the people had a mordent sense of humour,

0:04:500:04:56

if it was a sense of humour.

0:04:560:04:59

The winter was very long in Hadfield.

0:04:590:05:01

The darkness seemed to last a long time.

0:05:010:05:04

"There is a colour of paint that doesn't seem to exist any more,

0:05:080:05:12

"that was a characteristic pigment of my childhood.

0:05:120:05:16

"It's a faded, rain-drenched crimson,

0:05:160:05:20

"like stale and drying blood."

0:05:200:05:23

"I use this paint scrape -

0:05:240:05:26

"oxblood, let's call it -

0:05:260:05:29

"to refurbish the rooms of my childhood,

0:05:290:05:33

"which were otherwise dark green, and cream,

0:05:330:05:37

"and more lately a cloudy yellow,

0:05:370:05:40

"which hung about at shoulder height, like the aftermath of a fire."

0:05:400:05:45

Hilary was born in 1952.

0:05:500:05:53

This is the street where she lived, 12 miles from Manchester.

0:05:530:05:58

Her grandparents and great aunt lived at numbers 56 and 58

0:05:580:06:02

and Hilary's childhood home was at number 20 Brosscroft.

0:06:020:06:07

The family were originally Catholic Irish immigrants

0:06:070:06:10

and that Catholicism was to have a profound impact on Hilary's writing.

0:06:100:06:16

I grew up unquestioningly within Catholicism,

0:06:160:06:21

so unquestioningly that I took it all onboard

0:06:210:06:24

and of course what it's telling you,

0:06:240:06:27

what you're being inducted in, from the age of four,

0:06:270:06:33

is the knowledge that there is another world,

0:06:330:06:37

that there is an invisible reality

0:06:370:06:40

which is far more important than this one.

0:06:400:06:43

It is the realm of invisible angels around you,

0:06:430:06:49

it's the realm of what happens after death,

0:06:490:06:53

that life is actually transient and fairly meaningless.

0:06:530:06:57

You have a destination - it's heaven or hell.

0:06:570:07:00

I think I took it as read that there was an unseen realm

0:07:020:07:07

and that's the bit I retained

0:07:070:07:12

when I ceased to believe in doctrine

0:07:120:07:18

and ceased to practice as a Catholic.

0:07:180:07:22

I think I still had a very profound sense of...the invisible,

0:07:220:07:27

which is just as well because it's in invisible worlds

0:07:270:07:31

that the writer spends her time.

0:07:310:07:33

When I was about eight years old...

0:07:360:07:40

..I was in the garden of our house in Hadfield.

0:07:410:07:48

I was alone. I cannot say I saw something...

0:07:480:07:53

..but I sensed something. Something seemed to be there.

0:07:540:07:59

And it was more a movement than an object.

0:08:000:08:05

A sort of slow spiral movement.

0:08:070:08:11

And yet I couldn't say that I saw it, I was just aware of it.

0:08:110:08:16

And it just seemed to me to be incredibly evil,

0:08:180:08:23

the essence of evil.

0:08:230:08:26

I immediately felt very sick.

0:08:270:08:30

I felt as if in no time at all the thing had travelled inside me

0:08:300:08:37

and as if all the cells of my body were being spun around

0:08:370:08:43

in this really sinister motion.

0:08:430:08:45

I don't really call it seeing the devil.

0:08:460:08:49

That's just the easiest way to describe it.

0:08:490:08:52

It was as if I had come upon a principle of evil.

0:08:520:08:56

And I immediately felt ashamed and as if I were to blame,

0:08:570:09:02

because if I had just looked the other way,

0:09:020:09:07

I wouldn't have seen it. It was...

0:09:070:09:10

um...

0:09:100:09:12

A scene you were not meant to witness.

0:09:120:09:15

This vision was the first manifestation of Hilary's obsession

0:09:180:09:22

with a world beyond our own.

0:09:220:09:24

It was a defining moment in her childhood,

0:09:240:09:27

one of many that are described

0:09:270:09:30

in her 2003 Memoir, Giving up the Ghost,

0:09:300:09:33

an account of her life that goes right back to her earliest memory.

0:09:330:09:37

"This is the first thing I remember.

0:09:410:09:44

"I am sitting up in my pram.

0:09:440:09:47

"We are outside, in the park called Bankswood.

0:09:470:09:50

"My mother walks backwards.

0:09:500:09:52

"I hold out my arms because I don't want her to go.

0:09:520:09:56

"She say's she's only going to take my picture.

0:09:560:10:00

"I don't understand why she goes backwards,

0:10:000:10:03

"back and aslant, tacking to one side.

0:10:030:10:07

"The trees overhead make a noise of urgent conversation,

0:10:070:10:12

"too quick to catch. The leaves part, the sky peers down at me."

0:10:120:10:18

"Away and away she goes till she comes to a halt.

0:10:190:10:23

"She raises her arm and partly hides her face.

0:10:230:10:28

"They sky and trees rush over my head. I feel dizzied.

0:10:280:10:32

"The entire world is sound, movement.

0:10:320:10:35

"She moves towards me, speaking."

0:10:350:10:38

"The memory ends."

0:10:390:10:41

What's your mother like?

0:10:430:10:45

My mother is a very beautiful, lively, gregarious,

0:10:450:10:52

rather dramatic woman.

0:10:520:10:54

Extroverted. And full of talents,

0:10:560:11:00

which, if she'd been born in a different place or a different time,

0:11:000:11:06

might've come out. She's a good singer, a dancer.

0:11:060:11:10

She has all the minor graceful household arts.

0:11:100:11:14

But of course at the age of 14, 15,

0:11:160:11:20

she was working in the mill.

0:11:200:11:22

That was what life was like, she did what everybody else did.

0:11:220:11:26

She could've had a far bigger life.

0:11:260:11:28

And I think, you see, she was struggling for something else,

0:11:280:11:32

she wanted to get beyond the limitations of Hadfield.

0:11:320:11:37

And she was towing us children with her.

0:11:380:11:41

Hilary's mother Margaret was married to a man called Henry Thompson.

0:11:430:11:48

There are no surviving family photographs of him.

0:11:480:11:51

This is because, in the late 1950s,

0:11:510:11:54

Margaret found a new partner, Jack Mantel.

0:11:540:11:57

At first, Hilary's father didn't leave home,

0:11:570:12:00

but moved into the spare room.

0:12:000:12:03

Henry, my father, was...

0:12:050:12:07

..a very quiet man, it seemed to me.

0:12:090:12:12

He liked doing cross-word puzzles. He taught me to play chess.

0:12:120:12:16

And he taught me that it is possible to sit quietly in a room.

0:12:160:12:21

And you can be reading a book and be a companion to someone else

0:12:220:12:25

who's sitting in that room reading a book.

0:12:250:12:28

When Jack came into the household,

0:12:300:12:34

Jack was interested in weightlifting.

0:12:340:12:37

And he used to sing and be noisy

0:12:390:12:41

and I thought it was great, really, at first.

0:12:410:12:46

I didn't know what was happening.

0:12:460:12:48

And then, over the years,

0:12:500:12:52

from my being about seven years old to ten years old,

0:12:520:12:56

my father was still living in the house but more and more like a ghost.

0:12:560:13:00

It was as if he was just melting into the wall.

0:13:000:13:04

And then the year I was 11, the summer I was 11,

0:13:040:13:08

he melted away entirely, and I never saw him again.

0:13:080:13:13

He just left?

0:13:130:13:15

He left on the day the furniture van came and took us off to Romiley.

0:13:150:13:20

So there was abrupt closure.

0:13:200:13:26

My childhood was over.

0:13:260:13:27

I was starting again, new town, new name.

0:13:270:13:30

And it was as if the past was just written out, erased.

0:13:320:13:35

And we had to not talk about the past.

0:13:350:13:39

But, of course, we'd only gone about eight miles,

0:13:390:13:44

so the secret we were keeping was a kind of open secret.

0:13:440:13:48

And...we spent our days frantically bolting a door

0:13:490:13:55

that had already been kicked open.

0:13:550:13:57

"After my first week at the convent, I went home to my mother, worried."

0:14:000:14:05

"'Big girls at school,' I told her, 'ask my why I've changed my name'

0:14:060:14:14

"'Tell them,' she said, 'that it's for private reasons.'"

0:14:140:14:18

"I tried out this turn of phrase.

0:14:190:14:22

"Private reasons."

0:14:220:14:24

"'Oh, yes,' the big girls said. 'We understand that.

0:14:250:14:30

"'But we want to know what they are.'"

0:14:300:14:32

The move to Romiley, just under ten miles from Manchester,

0:14:350:14:39

sharpened Hilary's awareness of the uncertain gap

0:14:390:14:42

between what could be spoken aloud, and what had to remain hidden.

0:14:420:14:47

And this gap, between public statements and private thoughts,

0:14:470:14:51

lies at the heart of her fiction.

0:14:510:14:53

When I was a child, things happened that very often

0:14:550:15:00

you didn't know if they were tragic or hilarious,

0:15:000:15:03

so...you stayed poised on that tightrope,

0:15:030:15:08

not quite knowing how to react.

0:15:080:15:12

And I think there is something gleeful and childlike

0:15:130:15:18

in the humour that runs through all my books.

0:15:180:15:23

What I hope to do is knock the reader off balance for a moment

0:15:230:15:27

so they don't know whether to laugh or scream.

0:15:270:15:31

I don't want my reader ever to be settled.

0:15:320:15:36

In the ideal world, the reader wouldn't be able to guess

0:15:360:15:42

what the next sentence might contain.

0:15:420:15:44

I aim to disconcert, I suppose.

0:15:450:15:48

But then I find life disconcerting, I find that it is like that,

0:15:480:15:53

that there are layers beneath the obvious of almost every interaction.

0:15:530:15:59

Hilary lived in Romiley until she was 18.

0:16:030:16:06

Although she was educated at a good Catholic girls school,

0:16:060:16:10

the '60s did not pass her by.

0:16:100:16:13

When I was a teenager I wasn't pretty but, I had the looks

0:16:140:16:20

that were very fashionable in the '60s,

0:16:200:16:22

because I had this long, fair hair

0:16:220:16:26

and...I was very slim.

0:16:260:16:29

It was what everyone wanted to look like in those days,

0:16:290:16:32

you know, walking around behind a curtain of hair.

0:16:320:16:35

Did you get propositioned a lot?

0:16:360:16:38

People used to sing songs at me on the street.

0:16:380:16:42

SHE LAUGHS Yes!

0:16:420:16:44

When Hilary was 17, her social life centred around Manchester.

0:16:460:16:51

Here she started dating Gerald McEwan,

0:16:510:16:54

a man she's married not once, but twice.

0:16:540:16:58

Hilary, have you got any pictures of Gerald as a groovy young man?

0:16:590:17:03

Well, we were just 20 when we were married so, um...

0:17:030:17:08

Yes, here is on our wedding day.

0:17:100:17:12

He looks profoundly unhappy.

0:17:120:17:16

Of course, because we were so young,

0:17:160:17:18

people thought that our marriage was going to be a disaster.

0:17:180:17:22

Maybe that's why there was no professional record of it.

0:17:230:17:27

People thought it could be expunged all the easier

0:17:270:17:31

if there was no wedding album.

0:17:310:17:33

What does Gerald give you?

0:17:350:17:38

When I first met him, I thought, "How kind he is."

0:17:380:17:44

He was immensely good natured

0:17:440:17:47

and to me...

0:17:470:17:50

I don't like disputes and arguments on the domestic front.

0:17:520:17:56

I want a quiet life, not to be torn up

0:17:580:18:02

by melodrama going on all the time.

0:18:020:18:05

And I think I saw the chance

0:18:070:18:10

of a much better, calmer, quieter life with Gerald.

0:18:100:18:17

Young writer's partners have a tough time of it.

0:18:170:18:19

Yes, I think so.

0:18:210:18:23

This is why it's good to marry early and get them trained!

0:18:230:18:27

Hilary and Gerald were married when they were still students.

0:18:290:18:33

Gerald was set to be a geologist

0:18:330:18:35

while Hilary was training to be a lawyer,

0:18:350:18:38

first at the London School of Economics and then at Sheffield.

0:18:380:18:42

She was hoping to become a politician.

0:18:420:18:45

At first she had no intention of being a writer.

0:18:450:18:49

Then she fell ill.

0:18:490:18:51

I first complained when I was 19.

0:18:530:18:56

Going to the student health service and saying,

0:18:560:18:59

"I don't know really in what way I am ill, but I have strange pains

0:18:590:19:04

"and I really need to find out what's the matter."

0:19:040:19:08

But I was told that there was no physical condition

0:19:110:19:13

that could account for these pains, they were all in my mind.

0:19:130:19:17

I was an over-sensitive, too intense, over-ambitious girl

0:19:170:19:23

putting too much pressure on myself

0:19:230:19:27

and producing these pains as symptom of stress

0:19:270:19:33

and I was dosed up with Valium and all the rest

0:19:350:19:38

and I was told to go away.

0:19:380:19:40

And...once it's in your medical records that you're a neurotic,

0:19:410:19:48

then, you know, everything you say or do goes to prove the case.

0:19:480:19:53

You can't break out of it, and all this time,

0:19:530:19:56

the physical damage was running on.

0:19:560:19:58

How has illness affected your life and your writing?

0:20:000:20:04

It's such a big question, you know.

0:20:060:20:08

Part of the reason I became a writer,

0:20:080:20:10

I think, part of the reason I made that choice...

0:20:100:20:13

..was that by the time I'd come out of university

0:20:150:20:20

I realised there was something badly wrong with me

0:20:200:20:23

and it wasn't madness and it wasn't being neurotic.

0:20:230:20:28

There was something physically wrong.

0:20:300:20:32

I obviously wasn't going to be a lawyer.

0:20:330:20:36

I wasn't going to be a politician.

0:20:360:20:38

Both careers need more stamina than I had at my command.

0:20:380:20:43

And I began to think

0:20:440:20:45

that some of the visions I'd had of what my future would be,

0:20:450:20:49

I would have to write them off.

0:20:490:20:51

I would have to find an occupation that left me in control.

0:20:510:20:55

Where I could work my own hours.

0:20:550:20:58

And so very consciously I set up my stall to be a writer.

0:20:580:21:03

In 1974, at the age of 22, Hilary began to embark on an epic,

0:21:060:21:12

800 page account of the French Revolution

0:21:120:21:15

concentrating, essentially on the lives of three men -

0:21:150:21:19

Robespierre, Danton and Desmoulins -

0:21:190:21:21

from the beginning of the Revolution to The Terror.

0:21:210:21:25

The novel was called A Place of Greater Safety.

0:21:250:21:29

She researched and wrote it in Manchester Central Library.

0:21:290:21:34

Sometimes people talk about the historical novel

0:21:350:21:39

as if there were two opposed camps, fact and fiction.

0:21:390:21:43

That isn't so, at all.

0:21:430:21:45

And as soon as we learn any history

0:21:470:21:52

we should learn to be suspicious of that history.

0:21:520:21:56

We should learn to question the historical record all the time,

0:21:560:21:59

say, "I think I know this but why do I think I know it?

0:21:590:22:04

"Who's telling me this, and who wants me to believe it?"

0:22:040:22:07

"Who starts the riots that lead to the fall of the Bastille?

0:22:070:22:13

"Why him, why then? Why that particular moment?

0:22:130:22:18

"Could it have been someone else?

0:22:180:22:22

"And if it could have been, why wasn't it?"

0:22:220:22:25

These questions perplex me and they intrigue me

0:22:250:22:28

and I come back to them time and time again.

0:22:280:22:32

The difference between political history as it is written on the page

0:22:320:22:36

and the way it feels to the person who is an actor inside it.

0:22:360:22:41

The intention behind the novel is to give history drama and immediacy.

0:22:430:22:48

The reader is thrown right into the middle of the action,

0:22:480:22:51

and follows Queen Marie Antoinette all the way to the guillotine.

0:22:510:22:55

"The tumbrel waited in the courtyard.

0:22:570:23:00

"It was an ordinary cart, once used for carrying wood,

0:23:000:23:05

"now with planks across it for seats.

0:23:050:23:08

"At the sight of it she lost her composure, she gaped in fear,

0:23:080:23:12

"but she didn't cry out.

0:23:120:23:14

"She asked the executioner to untie her hands for a moment,

0:23:140:23:19

"and when he did so she squatted in a corner, by a wall, and urinated."

0:23:190:23:23

"Her hands were tied again, and she was put into the cart.

0:23:240:23:28

"Under the shorn hair and the plain white cap,

0:23:280:23:31

"her tired eyes searched for pity in the faces around her.

0:23:310:23:36

"The journey to the place of execution lasted for an hour."

0:23:360:23:42

"She didn't speak.

0:23:420:23:44

"As she mounted the steps, paid, indifferent hands kept her balanced.

0:23:440:23:50

"Her body began to shake, her limbs to give way.

0:23:500:23:54

"In her blindness and terror she stepped on the executioner's foot.

0:23:540:23:58

"'I beg your pardon, monsieur,' she whispered.

0:23:580:24:01

"'I didn't mean to do it."

0:24:010:24:03

"A few minutes after noon, her head was off."

0:24:030:24:07

While writing A Place of Greater Safety,

0:24:150:24:18

Hilary continued to experience the symptoms of an illness

0:24:180:24:21

that was to remain undiagnosed for eight years.

0:24:210:24:25

It was finally discovered to be endometriosis.

0:24:250:24:29

Unfortunately, you can't describe endometriosis in one sentence.

0:24:300:24:35

The endometrium is the lining of the womb

0:24:350:24:38

so this is a special tissue which is shed every month

0:24:380:24:44

in response to hormonal influence.

0:24:440:24:49

In endometriosis, this kind of tissue is found in other parts of the body,

0:24:490:24:55

typically through the pelvis

0:24:550:24:57

but it can be virtually everywhere in the body.

0:24:570:25:01

Wherever it is, it acts like itself, so it bleeds every month.

0:25:010:25:05

And then scar tissue builds up in the small spaces of the body.

0:25:050:25:09

Depending where it is, you get a variety of symptoms.

0:25:090:25:13

Quite a large variety of symptoms.

0:25:130:25:15

Mostly involving pain and nausea and fatigue.

0:25:150:25:19

So by the time it was diagnosed, I was 27,

0:25:190:25:22

and I was in a very bad way.

0:25:220:25:25

I was rendered immediately infertile

0:25:250:25:29

and it wasn't just a case of having a hysterectomy,

0:25:290:25:31

my ovaries were removed so that at the age of 27,

0:25:310:25:35

I was plunged into menopause.

0:25:350:25:37

And...it was...worse than one could have ever imagined.

0:25:400:25:47

"The visitor's idea of hospital is different from the patient's idea.

0:25:500:25:55

"Visitors imagine themselves trapped in that ward, in that bed,

0:25:550:26:00

"in their present state of assertive wellbeing.

0:26:000:26:04

"They imagine being bored,

0:26:040:26:07

"but boredom occurs when your consciousness ranges about,

0:26:070:26:10

"looking for somewhere to settle.

0:26:100:26:13

"But the patient's concentration is distilled,

0:26:130:26:17

"moment by moment. Breathing,

0:26:170:26:20

"not being sick,

0:26:200:26:23

"not coughing or else coughing in the right way,

0:26:230:26:27

"producing bodily secretions

0:26:270:26:29

"in the vessels provided and not on the floor.

0:26:290:26:34

"The visitor sees the hospital as needles and knives, metal teeth,

0:26:340:26:39

"metal bars, sees the foggy meeting between the damp summer air outside

0:26:390:26:45

"and the overheated exhalations of the sickroom."

0:26:450:26:48

"But the patient sees no such contrast.

0:26:510:26:53

"She can't imagine the street, the motorway.

0:26:530:26:57

"To her, the hospital is this squashed pillow,

0:26:580:27:03

"this water glass, this bell pull,

0:27:030:27:06

"and the nice judgment required to know when to use it."

0:27:060:27:10

"For the visitor, everything points outwards,

0:27:110:27:14

"to the release at the end of the visiting hour,

0:27:140:27:18

"and to the patient, everything points inwards,

0:27:180:27:22

"and the furthest extension of her consciousness

0:27:220:27:26

"is not the rattle of car keys, the road home,

0:27:260:27:30

"the first drink of the evening,

0:27:300:27:33

"but the beep and plip-plop of monitors and drips,

0:27:330:27:36

"the flashing of figures on screens.

0:27:360:27:40

"These are how you register your existence,

0:27:400:27:43

"these are the way you matter."

0:27:430:27:46

After the endometriosis reoccurred,

0:27:490:27:53

when I was in my early 30s,

0:27:530:27:56

I was given a drug which...

0:27:570:28:01

..doubled my size.

0:28:020:28:04

So, from being something like a pencil line on the wall,

0:28:050:28:12

I became the blossoming sofa-like creature you see now before you.

0:28:120:28:19

And that is very strange and, of course, it's...

0:28:190:28:24

for a woman...

0:28:240:28:27

It's terribly destroying to one's self image and self projection.

0:28:290:28:35

But what can you do? You're only given one body to live in.

0:28:350:28:38

You've just got to get on with it.

0:28:380:28:40

"What I would have liked was a choice in life.

0:28:420:28:46

"Leisure, to reverse my earlier decision

0:28:460:28:49

"that children didn't matter to me.

0:28:490:28:52

"Leisure, to ask if circumstances or my mind had changed.

0:28:520:28:57

"No-one can predict that the game will be over for them

0:28:570:29:02

"at the age of 27.

0:29:020:29:04

"The time I fell in love is the time I should have acted,

0:29:040:29:09

"and now that an era of my life is over,

0:29:090:29:12

"and my school friends are becoming grandmothers,

0:29:120:29:16

"I miss the child I never had."

0:29:160:29:19

What's to be done with the lost, the dead, but write them into being?

0:29:200:29:26

In the mid to late 1970s,

0:29:360:29:38

Hilary was still investigating the lives of the dead in her writing.

0:29:380:29:43

She supported herself financially by working,

0:29:430:29:45

as her mother had done, in ladies fashions

0:29:450:29:48

at one of Manchester's largest department stores.

0:29:480:29:51

Did it help your interest in people, working in the department store,

0:29:530:29:56

seeing what people wore, seeing how they behaved,

0:29:560:30:00

early versions of characters?

0:30:000:30:02

I think I was doing it really so that I could keep my mind clear.

0:30:020:30:08

You know, I was at a bit of a loose end, um, professionally speaking.

0:30:080:30:14

What I wanted to do by that stage was to write my book.

0:30:140:30:18

I wanted to write A Place of Greater Safety.

0:30:180:30:20

I used to stand there, as it might be,

0:30:200:30:24

in the sheepskin department in August,

0:30:240:30:28

on a totally deserted fashion floor,

0:30:280:30:31

dreaming up what I was going to write when I got home.

0:30:310:30:36

So it was a job that left your mind vacant.

0:30:360:30:38

Hilary worked as a shop assistant for four years, but in 1977,

0:30:420:30:47

just before she finished writing A Place of Greater Safety,

0:30:470:30:51

her husband Gerald was offered a new job, as a geologist in Botswana.

0:30:510:30:57

The couple moved, but Hilary continued to work as she wrote,

0:30:570:31:01

this time as a teacher in the local school.

0:31:010:31:05

We were in Botswana for five years, the end of the 70s,

0:31:050:31:08

the early '80s. It was a very, very underdeveloped country at that time.

0:31:080:31:14

You had just one tarred road between our town and the capital.

0:31:140:31:19

It...was a good life in many ways, I did a lot of writing there,

0:31:190:31:24

But you were working in one of these very closed communities,

0:31:260:31:31

the expatriate society was very small,

0:31:310:31:35

very gossipy, very destructive.

0:31:350:31:37

Things happened that just wouldn't have happened in England,

0:31:370:31:43

the rate of attrition was terrible.

0:31:430:31:47

The...bad accidents, the premature deaths, the suicides,

0:31:470:31:52

the illnesses... the fulminating adulteries.

0:31:520:31:58

It's all the expatriate cliche, actually.

0:31:580:32:02

And the fact that you were cut off there,

0:32:020:32:06

it intensified, concentrated the evils of the whole process.

0:32:060:32:12

-Evils?

-The evils, yes, I think so.

0:32:120:32:15

It was an unnatural way to live.

0:32:150:32:18

It was a difficult time.

0:32:200:32:22

Although she was still writing, Hilary fell ill once more,

0:32:220:32:25

and the pressure on her marriage proved intolerable.

0:32:250:32:29

When you marry so early, obviously what you're going to have

0:32:310:32:36

is a series of different marriages almost.

0:32:360:32:39

And it's a cliche to say it, but it's true that you're going to change,

0:32:390:32:44

maybe in different ways and at a different rate.

0:32:440:32:47

We'd come to one of those points

0:32:470:32:52

where we seemed to be going in different directions.

0:32:520:32:55

I felt not understood.

0:32:550:32:59

And, I think...

0:33:010:33:04

also it was important to say that it was a double life crisis,

0:33:040:33:09

in that I had finished my book about the French Revolution.

0:33:090:33:13

I'd taken it back in the hope of selling it...

0:33:130:33:16

and I found myself in hospital instead.

0:33:180:33:23

The book was seen by one publisher, who rejected it.

0:33:230:33:27

And...it felt like a series of doors slamming, you see.

0:33:290:33:35

So, by the time I went back to Botswana,

0:33:360:33:41

a lot of the things that had seemed important to me

0:33:410:33:44

now seemed irrelevant.

0:33:440:33:46

We separated.

0:33:460:33:48

18 months later, we met again.

0:33:510:33:55

Gerald was on the brink of going to Saudi Arabia.

0:33:560:33:59

And everything looked different.

0:34:010:34:03

The couple had divorced in 1980 and re-married in 1982.

0:34:060:34:10

Gerald went to Saudi Arabia as a scientific editor

0:34:100:34:14

for the Ministry of Mineral Resources.

0:34:140:34:17

It was a secretive, claustrophobic world,

0:34:170:34:20

where it was made difficult for women to go out alone.

0:34:200:34:24

In many ways, Hilary was trapped.

0:34:240:34:26

In the flat I lived the longest, I had to have the lights on all day

0:34:280:34:33

There were small windows,

0:34:340:34:36

they were high up and they were made of frosted glass.

0:34:360:34:39

The Saudis did not like the idea of people looking in or you looking out.

0:34:390:34:45

It was immensely lonely.

0:34:460:34:50

What I did was to start another book.

0:34:500:34:53

I think I had seen

0:34:540:34:56

that A Place of Greater Safety was not the novel

0:34:560:35:00

that I was going to break through into the market place with

0:35:000:35:04

and that I'd better write something that was short,

0:35:040:35:08

was more commercial, was the best I could do.

0:35:080:35:12

That book was Every Day is Mother's Day,

0:35:120:35:16

the story of Muriel and Evelyn Axon, a reclusive mother and daughter

0:35:160:35:22

who are shut up in an English suburb and they work on each other.

0:35:220:35:27

At the beginning of the book Muriel is pregnant.

0:35:270:35:31

How can this be, as she never leaves the house?

0:35:310:35:35

Or, apparently not.

0:35:350:35:38

And that whole first book leads up to the birth of Muriel's baby

0:35:380:35:44

and the question implanted in the reader's mind,

0:35:440:35:47

"What on earth will happen when the baby is born?"

0:35:470:35:49

When Muriel Axon's child finally arrives,

0:35:520:35:55

her mother suggests that the baby is not a real human being at all

0:35:550:35:59

but a fairy changeling.

0:35:590:36:01

"'Look at it,' Evelyn said. 'You can't say it's human.'"

0:36:030:36:08

"'It might be a changeling.

0:36:100:36:12

"'If it is a changeling,

0:36:120:36:14

"'you ought to give some thought to getting the real one back.

0:36:140:36:18

"'The ones they take lead miserable lives.

0:36:180:36:22

"'They look in at people's windows.

0:36:220:36:24

"'Their growth's stunted. They're always cold.'"

0:36:240:36:29

"'It's a simple matter, Muriel.

0:36:300:36:33

"'You have to find some water, a river or something.

0:36:330:36:37

"'Float it along,

0:36:370:36:39

"'and sometimes they pick it up and give you your own back.'

0:36:390:36:45

"They waited on the bank for ten minutes.

0:36:450:36:48

"It was quite dark now.

0:36:480:36:51

"'It must be dead,' Evelyn said at last.

0:36:510:36:54

"'They won't give you anything for a corpse.'"

0:36:540:36:58

Every Day is Mother's Day, published in 1985,

0:37:060:37:10

and its sequel, Vacant Possession,

0:37:100:37:12

created Hilary's reputation

0:37:120:37:14

as an investigator of the darkness of the human heart,

0:37:140:37:18

reflecting the terror of living below consciousness,

0:37:180:37:21

of going down every day and every night

0:37:210:37:24

into the realm where the demons lie and the bodies are buried.

0:37:240:37:28

Critics began to wonder what the real Hilary Mantel was like.

0:37:280:37:33

Your house, your arrangements are really normal.

0:37:350:37:39

They're almost a deliberate attempt to be normal.

0:37:400:37:43

I try to organise daily life to be as boring as possible...

0:37:450:37:51

..because you need to lead a boring life,

0:37:520:37:57

if the contents of your head are very exciting.

0:37:570:38:00

You cant have instability in every area of your life.

0:38:020:38:06

And if your internal thought processes are full of horrors...

0:38:060:38:10

..then what you need in...

0:38:120:38:16

..everyday life is niceness.

0:38:170:38:20

You need blandness, security, safety and routine.

0:38:200:38:26

I don't believe it.

0:38:280:38:29

My daily life really is like that, as far as I can manage for it to be,

0:38:310:38:37

I'm a person who finds the world too much at every turn,

0:38:370:38:43

I have difficulty with noise, sometimes with bright light.

0:38:430:38:49

I have difficulty with people. I feel impinged upon.

0:38:490:38:54

I don't like too much conversation,

0:38:540:38:58

I like everything to be rationed,

0:38:580:39:02

so that my writing in my head can go on undisturbed.

0:39:020:39:06

So a very little excitement is quite enough for me

0:39:060:39:13

because the contents of my head are exciting.

0:39:130:39:16

From the publication of Every Day is Mother's Day

0:39:170:39:21

and for the next 20 years, Hilary was able to write full time.

0:39:210:39:26

She used her experience in Botswana to write A Change of Climate

0:39:260:39:30

and in Saudi Arabia to publish Eight Months On Ghazzah Street.

0:39:300:39:35

She also continued to work in historical fiction,

0:39:350:39:38

finally publishing A Place of Greater Safety in 1992

0:39:380:39:44

and then a disturbing account of the relationship

0:39:440:39:46

between the surgeon John Hunter and the Irish Giant O'Brian in 1998.

0:39:460:39:53

Then, in 2005, she put the two together

0:39:530:39:56

in a novel that was appropriately titled Beyond Black,

0:39:560:40:01

an unashamedly dark account of the permeable boundaries

0:40:010:40:04

between the living and the dead,

0:40:040:40:07

featuring the spiritualist medium Alison Hart.

0:40:070:40:11

I was writing about a medium,

0:40:120:40:15

for whom those borders are very uncertain.

0:40:150:40:18

That's not me. I thought, "Let's just exaggerate my position a little."

0:40:180:40:26

As it is, I have control over what I imagine

0:40:270:40:32

and I'm able to say to myself, "This is probably a hallucination,"

0:40:320:40:37

and, "This is probably real."

0:40:370:40:39

But when I was writing about the medium, Alison,

0:40:390:40:43

I was writing about someone who...

0:40:430:40:48

She's like a swinging saloon door, you know,

0:40:490:40:53

the dead just push through any time they like and she can't control it.

0:40:530:41:00

"Al talked about passing, she talked about spirit,

0:41:020:41:06

"she talked about passing into spirit world,

0:41:060:41:09

"to that eventless realm, neither cold nor hot,

0:41:090:41:14

"neither hilly nor flat, where the dead,

0:41:140:41:17

"each at their own best age and marooned in an eternal afternoon,

0:41:170:41:22

"pass the ages with sod all going on."

0:41:220:41:26

"Spirit world, as Al describes it to the trade, is a garden,

0:41:300:41:36

"or, to be more accurate, a public place in the open air,

0:41:360:41:40

"litter free like an old fashioned park,

0:41:400:41:43

"with a bandstand in a heat haze in the distance."

0:41:430:41:47

"Here, the dead sit in rows on benches,

0:41:480:41:51

"families together on gravelled paths between weedless beds."

0:41:510:41:56

"There's a certain 1950s air about the dead,

0:41:570:42:01

"or early '60s perhaps,

0:42:010:42:03

"because they're clean and respectable

0:42:030:42:06

"and they don't stink of factories,

0:42:060:42:08

"as if they came after white nylon shirts and indoor sanitation,

0:42:080:42:13

"but before satire, certainly before sexual intercourse."

0:42:130:42:18

"Damaged livers have been replaced,

0:42:200:42:22

"so their owners live to drink another day.

0:42:220:42:25

"Blighted lungs now suck at God's own low tar blend.

0:42:250:42:31

"Cancerous breasts have been rescued from the surgeons' bin

0:42:310:42:37

"and blossom like roses on spirit chests."

0:42:370:42:41

How much of this do you believe?

0:42:430:42:45

There's a division in my mind between what I believe logically

0:42:470:42:53

and what I believe out of experience.

0:42:530:42:56

Logic and reason tells me that...

0:42:570:43:00

..we don't have consciousness after death,

0:43:010:43:04

there IS nothing after death, there are no ghosts.

0:43:040:43:07

And certain known scientific laws are obeyed by all no matter.

0:43:090:43:14

But my experience suggests to me,

0:43:150:43:17

yes, there are ghosts and objects do move about

0:43:170:43:21

without human agency or mechanical means

0:43:210:43:25

and that the world is far stranger place...

0:43:250:43:29

..than we usually acknowledge.

0:43:300:43:33

What I think is that if I hadn't had an education...

0:43:330:43:37

..if I hadn't learned to think and put the brakes on fantasy,

0:43:380:43:45

then instead of being a novelist, I would pursuing Alison's trade.

0:43:450:43:50

I would be a professional psychic. I think that's quite a possibility.

0:43:500:43:54

You talk to the dead one way or another.

0:43:540:43:57

And you make it pay.

0:43:570:43:59

Financial success has enabled Hilary to live more comfortably

0:44:020:44:06

and from 2001 until earlier this year,

0:44:060:44:09

she lived on the edge of Woking, in a late Victorian building

0:44:090:44:13

that had previously been home to people

0:44:130:44:16

considered to be of unsound mind.

0:44:160:44:19

We're in a former lunatic asylum.

0:44:210:44:23

One of the hospitals built in the 1860s,

0:44:230:44:28

this great ring of asylums around London.

0:44:280:44:33

And this was a place that grew and grew.

0:44:330:44:37

It was a self-sufficient community.

0:44:370:44:40

As many of the hospitals were.

0:44:400:44:42

And it was actually converted about ten years ago,

0:44:420:44:47

since when I've lived here.

0:44:470:44:49

It's tempting fate I suppose, isn't it?

0:44:490:44:51

Do you know, it's not tempting fate,

0:44:510:44:53

what it is, it's teetering on the brink.

0:44:530:44:55

It's saying, "I can mix with the insane dead and they can't get me."

0:44:550:45:01

Actually it's singularly free from ghostly manifestations.

0:45:010:45:07

It's disappointing, in a way.

0:45:070:45:09

I did a lot of thinking about the relation of a place like this

0:45:130:45:17

to its own past and about history, as opposed to heritage.

0:45:170:45:23

About what the history people think they know.

0:45:230:45:27

And about memory.

0:45:270:45:28

This obsession with the past, buried historically and geographically

0:45:300:45:34

underneath the contemporary world,

0:45:340:45:37

became the catalyst for Hilary's next novel, Wolf Hall.

0:45:370:45:42

Told entirely in the present tense,

0:45:420:45:44

with the career of Thomas Cromwell at its heart,

0:45:440:45:47

Wolf Hall is a startlingly modern account of ambition,

0:45:470:45:51

survival and political intrigue in the 16th century.

0:45:510:45:55

I think it's a book that I was seeing as well as hearing,

0:45:570:46:02

as a sort of gold and black swirl

0:46:020:46:05

a kind of movement of darkness and light.

0:46:050:46:09

Something very glittery, something very much of another time

0:46:090:46:14

and so it was presenting itself at once through voices,

0:46:140:46:20

through image and drawing me on.

0:46:200:46:23

How do you know when you've done enough historical research to begin?

0:46:230:46:28

You don't.

0:46:280:46:30

Because I think when you're writing a particular scene

0:46:300:46:34

it may throw up a certain demand and you realise

0:46:340:46:37

you haven't got enough context.

0:46:370:46:40

You can't just have someone walk in

0:46:400:46:44

without them trailing their complete biography,

0:46:440:46:47

which, of course, the reader never sees but you may need to know.

0:46:470:46:51

So, for me, the duel processes, writing

0:46:510:46:54

and research are interwoven, so there isn't a line you can draw.

0:46:540:47:00

You don't know what you need to know until the moment comes.

0:47:000:47:05

I have files that go alphabetically, on people.

0:47:070:47:13

Just their biographical facts.

0:47:140:47:16

And then I have files of ideas and objects...

0:47:160:47:22

..customs and manners,

0:47:240:47:25

in which there might be anything from philosophy to cookery.

0:47:250:47:31

It goes, "Memory, money, Machiavelli, magic, medicine,"

0:47:310:47:38

and then, for some reason, it skips onto, "Palmistry, place, prophecies,

0:47:380:47:43

"Penshursts, round table, "Rome, 'sack of,'

0:47:430:47:48

"saint's days, tennis, Welsh, wardrobe and world views."

0:47:480:47:53

SHE CHUCKLES

0:47:530:47:55

I work from my notes onto the screen,

0:47:560:47:59

because my notes will evolve from being fact based

0:47:590:48:04

to being dialogue based.

0:48:040:48:05

They'll...shift themselves imperceptibly into drama.

0:48:050:48:12

But that's what I do.

0:48:140:48:16

I do dialogue.

0:48:160:48:18

So if you gave me the telephone book, I would make you a play out of it.

0:48:180:48:23

"He stands by a window.

0:48:260:48:29

"A flock of starlings settles among the tight black buds of a bare tree.

0:48:290:48:35

"Then, like black buds unfolding, they open their wings,

0:48:360:48:42

"they flutter and sing, stirring everything into motion,

0:48:420:48:47

"air, wings, black notes in music."

0:48:470:48:52

"He becomes aware that he is watching them with pleasure,

0:48:520:48:56

"that something almost extinct, some small gesture towards the future,

0:48:560:49:02

"is ready to welcome the spring.

0:49:020:49:05

"In some spare, desperate way, he is looking forward to Easter,

0:49:050:49:10

"the end of Lenten fasting, the end of penitence."

0:49:100:49:15

"There is a world beyond this black world.

0:49:160:49:20

"There is the world of the possible.

0:49:200:49:23

"A world where Anne can be queen

0:49:230:49:26

"is a world where Cromwell can be Cromwell.

0:49:260:49:30

"He sees it, then he doesn't. The moment's fleeting.

0:49:300:49:35

"But insight can't be taken back.

0:49:350:49:38

"You can't return to the moment you were in before."

0:49:380:49:42

The winner of the Man Booker Prize for Fiction, 2009,

0:49:450:49:49

goes to Hilary Mantel for Wolf Hall.

0:49:490:49:51

APPLAUSE

0:49:510:49:53

The power of the story

0:49:530:49:56

and the arresting individuality of the prose,

0:49:560:49:59

muscular, unsentimental and acutely observed,

0:49:590:50:02

made Wolf Hall a prize-winning success.

0:50:020:50:05

What was it like on the night for you?

0:50:050:50:08

The night of the Booker, what was that like?

0:50:080:50:11

Two of you go, the one who's going to win

0:50:110:50:13

and the one who's going to be the greatest loser

0:50:130:50:16

with a grin plastered on her face

0:50:160:50:22

I have had a lot of experience being the gracious loser...

0:50:220:50:27

so I made sure I was rehearsed in both roles.

0:50:270:50:31

'It was very undignified, really,

0:50:310:50:34

'because at the moment of the announcement,

0:50:340:50:36

'I shot to my feet as if I'd been fired out of a canon,

0:50:360:50:40

'as if not one more moment was going to go by.

0:50:400:50:45

'I should probably, you know,'

0:50:450:50:48

have had to be gently ushered to my feet by my friends.

0:50:480:50:52

It would have been more gracious.

0:50:520:50:55

But, yes, part of you thinks, "I've worked for this,"

0:50:550:50:59

and it is the ultimate recognition, the Man Booker,

0:50:590:51:04

that's what it's become

0:51:040:51:06

and, in a sense, it's something you want to get past.

0:51:060:51:10

Once you've won it, nobody thinks you ought to win it twice

0:51:100:51:15

and the pressure is off, in a sense,

0:51:150:51:17

so that you're waiting for that moment

0:51:170:51:19

and then you can start becoming the writer

0:51:190:51:22

that you meant to become all along.

0:51:220:51:24

This doesn't mean, however,

0:51:260:51:27

that the actual act of writing becomes any easier.

0:51:270:51:31

Hilary is now at work on the sequel to Wolf Hall,

0:51:310:51:35

The Mirror and the Light, and, in many ways,

0:51:350:51:37

it's like starting all over again.

0:51:370:51:40

I never take for granted that anything is going to come right,

0:51:410:51:46

so every day I'm writing, I feel like a beginner.

0:51:460:51:51

There are absolutely no guarantees

0:51:510:51:54

that because you could do it yesterday you can do it today.

0:51:540:51:59

You can always write something but sometimes you have to endure...

0:51:590:52:05

barren days, when you're just plodding across the terrain, going,

0:52:050:52:09

"Subject, verb, object, subject, verb, object."

0:52:090:52:13

It will actually carry you there and give you something to work on...

0:52:130:52:17

..but, at the time, it can feel like the end of the world

0:52:190:52:22

because you're going so slowly,

0:52:220:52:24

as if you've forgotten everything you've ever learned.

0:52:240:52:28

I do have faith that given enough input,

0:52:300:52:35

just given enough graft, eventually it will take off

0:52:350:52:40

and you'll see that fleeting shape of a section in front of you

0:52:400:52:46

and you'll be able to grab it, get it onto the page.

0:52:460:52:50

That's very like chasing the ghost.

0:52:500:52:54

It already exists, you see.

0:52:540:52:57

It's like the sculpture in the marble,

0:52:570:53:00

the ideal shape and form of the chapter exists,

0:53:000:53:04

you've just got to be there to grab it quickly.

0:53:040:53:08

Commencing in Wiltshire in September 1535,

0:53:100:53:14

The Mirror and the Light begins with the fall of Anne Boleyn

0:53:140:53:18

and the rise of Henry VIII's third wife, Jane Seymour.

0:53:180:53:22

Once again, Thomas Cromwell is at the heart of the novel.

0:53:220:53:26

He's the arch plotter and schemer.

0:53:280:53:31

I don't think he quite knows what schemes

0:53:310:53:35

he might be forming up around Jane.

0:53:350:53:39

He has a...a feeling about her that she's in some way important.

0:53:390:53:45

But...

0:53:450:53:47

..until, in the first chapter of the sequel,

0:53:480:53:51

he looks out of the window,

0:53:510:53:53

he sees the king walking with her in the garden.

0:53:530:53:57

And when Henry comes in, he's wearing an expression, I say,

0:53:590:54:04

rather like a calf that's just been stunned by the butcher...

0:54:040:54:08

And then Cromwell knows.

0:54:080:54:10

And on that moment, a great deal will pivot.

0:54:100:54:15

Henry doesn't know.

0:54:150:54:18

Jane does.

0:54:180:54:19

That's great fun, you know, trying to work out

0:54:190:54:24

the characters various levels of awareness.

0:54:240:54:27

And I think it's something to...

0:54:270:54:31

..always bear in mind.

0:54:330:54:35

Henry didn't know he was going to have six wives. We all know.

0:54:360:54:41

But he was hopeful with each one.

0:54:410:54:43

Each one was a fresh disaster waiting to happen in a different way.

0:54:430:54:48

But he had no perception of that.

0:54:480:54:50

We can look back and say, "Well, that one was doomed from the start."

0:54:500:54:55

But it is what historians can sometimes forget,

0:54:570:55:00

that people in the past...

0:55:000:55:04

..they could not adjust their behaviour

0:55:050:55:09

according to what was to come.

0:55:090:55:11

They could not draw morals from their own behaviour.

0:55:110:55:14

They were just sleep walking, they were walking into the dark.

0:55:140:55:18

And I think when you are a historical novelist,

0:55:180:55:20

your job is to walk with them.

0:55:200:55:22

Earlier this year,

0:55:280:55:29

Hilary and Gerald felt that they wanted a change of scene

0:55:290:55:33

and decided to move to the seaside, to Budleigh Salterton in Devon.

0:55:330:55:38

It was intended as the fulfilment of a childhood dream.

0:55:380:55:42

This is a photograph of Hilary on the beach at Budleigh,

0:55:420:55:46

taken when she was 16.

0:55:460:55:48

She has, perhaps at last, found a kind of peace.

0:55:480:55:53

Are you happy?

0:55:550:55:57

From time to time, yes.

0:55:590:56:02

It may sound like a superficial answer,

0:56:020:56:06

but it depends almost entirely on the last sentence I wrote.

0:56:060:56:11

If it was a good one, I'm happy.

0:56:110:56:14

If I'm plunged into uncertainty about that sentence,

0:56:140:56:18

I have to live with a lot of ambivalence

0:56:180:56:21

and ambiguity as to whether something is going to work,

0:56:210:56:26

whether my scene is going to work.

0:56:260:56:28

So I don't have the temperament that's ever going to be able

0:56:280:56:32

to stand back and say, "I am happy,"

0:56:320:56:36

cos I'm always going to say,

0:56:360:56:37

"Could be a bit happier, with a few adjustments."

0:56:370:56:41

But I am beginning a new phase of my life.

0:56:420:56:45

Because I'm going to live by the sea, which I've always wanted to do.

0:56:460:56:51

And...

0:56:550:56:56

..I'm hoping for a bit more inner calm.

0:56:580:57:02

I want to watch the sea

0:57:020:57:05

and learn from it.

0:57:050:57:06

Because the pattern is irreversible, irreducible.

0:57:100:57:15

There may be a storm blowing up

0:57:150:57:19

but basically you have the same...

0:57:190:57:23

waveform...coming and going.

0:57:230:57:28

It's almost as if I'm wanting to hear my own heartbeat.

0:57:280:57:31

I think that's what I'd like to be able to do.

0:57:330:57:37

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:58:000:58:03

E-mail [email protected]

0:58:030:58:06

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS