01/10/2013 The One Show

Hello And Welcome To The One Show With Matt Baker. And Alex Jones, ,

and a man who has been called one of the 50 funniest Brits of all time.

To top it all off, he was also voted one of the greatest wits of all

time. It is just a pity we have not got his wife here, because according

to him, she is 12% funnier. She is! It is Paul Merton! My wife is 12%

funnier than me. So we have booked the wrong guest! Absolutely! She

would look better in this shirt than I do. She is one of those women who

looks great in any sort of hat, she looks fantastic, what do you think?

I am a bit pea head. We will not go there! Boris Johnson has been in the

news today, is it right... I am just wondering, this is amazing, is it

right that he came to you for political advice when he was running

for mayor? That is sort of what it was. He had just been nominated as a

candidate to run for mayor, and I saw him at a cricket match, and he

said, what policies should I have? And I said, well, you know, I

shouldn't be too controversial. He was pretending he didn't have any

policies, when he comes out of make-up on Have I Got News For You,

his hair is perfect. 20 seconds later, it is like that. He has got a

make-up woman chasing him around the building. A man who lies to you

about the state of his heir, well, you know! You will be doing you a

shortly, because you are onto all you know! You will be doing you a

around the country. We will talk about that. I will be here whether

you want to speak to me not! I am booked for an hour! I cannot be much

longer because I have to lock up at 735 BM. Use its tight, and before

that you may have been affected by the 2500 school closures across

England today. Some teachers are striking for a number of reasons,

including plans to make their pay relatively performance. This is what

was happening in Sheffield earlier this afternoon, and further south

Tony Livesey has been to an academy in east London to see how Michael

Gove's plan could work in practice. The Government wants to reward

teachers for being good at their jobs, rather than how long they

teachers for being good at their been doing them. Currently full-time

classroom teachers automatically go up a pay grade until they crossed a

threshold and can earn more money based on performance. Well, not any

more. From this month, the Government is planning for all

teachers' pay from the day they start to be linked to performance in

the classroom and not based on their teaching experience. And not only

will schools decide what skills they pay for, head teachers will decide

who gets what. Amanda Phillips is the head of this academy in east

London. She says it will keep teaching standards high. In reality,

you have pitted teacher against each. No, teachers already know from

their own experience of going into each other's classrooms who are the

most effective teachers in terms of making an impact on pupils. They are

not pitted against each other, they are working collaboratively to make

sure that in every classroom the pupils get the very best deal. What

proportion of poor staff have you rooted out? In both of our schools,

which was some of the worst in the country, 20% of members of staff,

which was some of the worst in the not just teaching staff, needed to

leave the environment. Everyone has to earn a crust, but should teachers

be motivated by money? Isn't the classroom a place for learning,

rather than Ning? I have booked some time with staff here to see if money

matters. If I was to say, hands up who was on the most money... Between

us two quest me it is you. I think so. You have said you accept that

because of her experience. Down the line, though, that will not

necessarily be the case. One day you hope to put your hand up and say I

earn more. If I knew that she had managed to move two levels and I had

only gone one, I might say, would you let me know how I can move to

only gone one, I might say, would that level? The reward of education

is no longer enough. I find that rather audacious, to be asked that

question, because I cannot see why professionals work as hard and

skilfully as teachers do, just like doctors or lawyers, shouldn't be

rewarded highly enough as any other profession. You are happy to see her

overtake you. Yes, if someone else is doing more work than me, even

though they are younger or have been teaching for less there -- less

years than me, it is only fair. Ron Gordon was a teacher for 20 years,

and his first season mortem automatic pay rises, but after that

it became all about his performance. -- his first six years brought him.

I think it is a very divisive way of measuring performance. In 2005, I

did not make a pay progression, and is made me feel very angry indeed

and very frustrated. You feel that you have got to keep on the head's

good side to get the pay rise. So in the pro-Corner, Amanda and the staff

at the academy. In the other corner, the teaching unions, and

here comes Chris Keates, the general secretary of the NASUWT, to take a

mandate to task. You could have four teachers who have all had

performance management objectives set, all had an expectation that

they will progress, and then at the end of the year, what happens is a

decision is made by the governing body, by the head teacher that says,

actually, one is going to increase their salary, but the other three

are not. I do not understand why you believe that head teachers would be

able in that way. We have got examples of where they have done. I

hope you are holding them to account. Indeed, we will, but we

should not be having to police the system. They should be a system that

does not allow that kind of unfairness and lack of transparency

and potentially discriminatory action to take place. Do you feel

you have more power? It is not about power, it is about taking even more

responsibility. I don't think you should be just rewarded for coming

responsibility. I don't think you to school, you needed to be rewarded

for the impact that you have on pupils' outcomes and your other

responsibilities towards the improvement of the school.

Performance related pay is divisive, let's face it, unions and head

teachers very rarely see eye to eye. One thing they are all certain about

is that kids must come first. One thing they are all certain about

What a film that is! From the perspective of parents, you think it

is a good idea, but you start thinking at what cost? What do you

think? Well, teachers, they should be highly paid individuals, it is an

incredibly difficult job, and if any of us are lucky to remember

inspirational teachers at school, I had one when I was eight or nine

years old, she was so encouraging. When another adult outside the home

says, this is good, you can do this, it really is empowering. I

think it is such an essential job and a shame that it is so badly

paid. These things are a vocation, so people want to be teachers beyond

all else, and so sometimes when pay demands are made, they are taken

advantage of. I am sure we will get loads of e-mails about that. OK, so

your tour, then, improvisation jams. That has caused a bit of

discretion, because I thought it was improv. That is the American

version, we call it impro. If you shorten the words to its most

understandable in previous, impro is for me, and I have always liked to

be slightly contrary. Everyone else calls its improv, I call it impro.

It is billed as this, the cast will be using their finally hold

improvisational... I can't even say it! And almost manic compulsion to

show off. Yes! I do not have you down as a show. If you put your name

on the title of a show, by definition you are a show of. I am

not like... Hopefully I do not come across like that all the time. When

we were chatting about this earlier, you can be quite a shy individual

but still wants to be a performer because you are not talking to 500

individuals, it is a large mass of people. The lights are on you, the

sound is on you, you have friends with you, so it is very empowering,

and you are bolder and more imaginative onstage than offstage

sometimes. And you empower the audience, the content is driven by

them. We ask them for suggestions, film suggestions, household objects.

Can you explain this? I can, it depends how deep your

misunderstanding is! This was depends how deep your

originally used as one of the first mobile phone masts in the early

1900... If we ask for a household objects, which we do at the comedy

store, where we have done the store for 30 years, inevitably somebody

will shout out toilet brush. Once every two weeks, somebody will say

toilet brush. I don't know why, I never found it amusing, but if

anybody can come up with a sitcom called Toilet Brush, it will be a

winner. You are going on natural talent and instinct, but is this

something you can learn? We all improvise naturally when we talk, it

something you can learn? We all is just the added pressure of trying

to be funny in front of a large number of people. Yes, we all do it

in conversation, or when we are having a laugh in the pub, or during

a tea break at work. It is just a question of working with people that

you know, lots of practice, instinct, but applied with practice

and people that are good at what they are doing, so even if you are

on stage and you haven't got a they are doing, so even if you are

thought in your head, someone will they are doing, so even if you are

come onstage and take you somewhere else. So you rely on each other.

Totally, and working with someone you don't get on with, as you know,

it is a strain! You will be working you don't get on with, as you know,

with Ian Hislop on Friday. You are very good at these links, and you?!

I just knocked on your dressing room, you are engulfed in the world

of music. I have to be now. Ed Miliband and his relationship with

his dad, your life changes. Once it starts coming around again, I was

useless, I used to get the tabloid newspapers every day, and be very

good about it, but you would be reading the same thing four times.

In the end, you get reading the same thing four times.

the kind of story that will come up, Ed Miliband will come up, this is an

important story. Good luck with the tour, it starts this Saturday, the

5th of October, in Canterbury. That is right, yeah! The Marlowe Theatre,

Canterbury. Arthur Smith is on the road tonight, tonight he's in

Nottinghamshire, staying at the home of a romantic poet called Lord

Byron. Judging by his outfit, he has picked up a bit of Byron's regency

swagger. Everyman likes to imagine himself as

a swaggering powered. Well, I do anyway! A swashbuckling charmer,

mad, bad and dangerous to know. The template for the romantic figure is,

of course, the one and only Lord Byron. 200 years ago, he was

Britain's first wild celebrity. And I am hoping to find out more about

the man behind the celebrity by spending the night at his ancestral

home at Newstead Abbey. It had been his family's

Nottinghamshire home for centuries, but by the time Byron inherited

Newstead Abbey in 1798, it was practically derelict. Through thy

battlements, Newstead, the Hollow wins whistle. Dow, the Hall of my

Fathers, gone to decay. He managed to renovate a few rooms in one

wing, like this dining room, but dozens remains completely empty.

This magnificent room was used only for boxing and fencing. He used the

great Hall for pistol practice. Apparently, he was an expert shot.

In his former study is a screen that he decorated himself. It's the

picked his passions for sport and the day, and it was his passion for

picked his passions for sport and passion that brought him fame. --

its defects. He was famous for being infamous, his many love affairs were

notoriously, especially his most dangerous liaison with Lady Caroline

Lamb. Who called him mad, bad and dangerous to know. He decided that

he was going to end the affair, this devastated Caroline, and she would

dress as a page, and she would ride alongside his coach just to be close

to him. So he was really the first celebrity to have a stalker as well,

he was ahead of the game. What do you think Lord Byron was like as a

person? I think he was very aloof. you think Lord Byron was like as a

It has been said that Jane Austin based the character of Mr Darcy on

Lord Byron. So Jane Austen would have known Lord Byron? Yes. I don't

know if she knew him well, but she was certainly going to these

parties. Who knows how many lovers would have climbed this staircase to

Byron's bedroom? I am checking out my bedroom for the night, a gilded

four-poster, or where Byron's trustee pages slept. Guess which one

I am in? I am sure I will sleep soundly, but not just yet. This was

a party house, evenings spent making merry and drinking claret. He drank

it from this, a skull he found on the grounds he had made into a

goblet. This is a reproduction. I shall be spending a more sober

evening drinking in the surroundings and reading a bit of Byron. She

walks in beauty like the night, in a cloudless climes and starry skies,

when all is Best of dark and bright... In the morning, I wake

with a very simple thought about Byron. Staying in his house, you

realise he is famous for his celebrity, his scandal and his

adventures, but looking at what he wrote, you realise that what he

really was was a poet. If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad.

This former Abi, part ruin, has the spirit of the poem, -- of the poet,

even though he actually any lived here a few years before travelling

around on his travels. He died of fever in Greece aged just 36. Byron

wanted to be buried here in the fever in Greece aged just 36. Byron

grounds of Newstead Abbey, alongside Hezbollah did all, but he ended up

in the family grave a few miles away. -- alongside his love it dog.

This is one of his famous works - a dog possessed all the virtues of man

without his vices. Thank you. Carrie is here now. In that film, we heard

that Jane Austen could have based the character Darcy on Lord Byron,

which is plausible. But it is a big year for Pride and Prejudice. Yes,

because it is 200 years since the book was first published, and it is

still selling thousands of copies every year. Jane Austen is going to

be on the new £10 note, replacing Darwin. And there have been all the

spin offs. This Christmas we are going to have Death Comes To

Pemberley, the PD James book now adapted for screen, with the

gorgeous Matthew Rhys. Shall I disappear from your site? A few

hours would be perfect. Sister. Mr Darcy. Not a moment longer. I

hours would be perfect. Sister. Mr shouldn't bear it. You are only

human. Well, I just heard an echo from around Britain that it isn't

Colin Firth! He says, I will never be able to compete with the sexiness

of Colin Firth. Everyone remembers Colin Firth walking out of the lake

in his dripping wet shirt. That was recently voted one of TV's most

memorable TV moment of drama ever. recently voted one of TV's most

So that will be things like dirty Den's divorce papers and Sherlock

Holmes dying. That did something to women across the country. We

wondered, with a bit of doctoring, whether this would have the same

affect? Oh yes! I think I will sue. You could be twins! I look a bit

like Alvin Stardust. That may be the key to selling more tickets on your

tour. I am happy to wear a blouse. This is the thing with Mr Darcy - he

has become this stereotype. He has inspired so many books. We are

assessed with him. Where would we be without 50 Shades Of Mr Darcy? And

then a Vampire version of Mr Darcy. And of course, the new Bridget Jones

book. We have all waited for it, very exciting. In book three, she

has killed Mr Darcy! Bridget Jones 's 51. She is a widow with two

children. Paul, how do you feel about this? I am absolutely

devastated! Did Jane Austin have a reputation outside of Britain? Did

she go to the states? Absolutely. There has been a Bollywood version

called Bride and Prejudice. Thank you. As we have just heard, Bridget

Jones is back, and we have the author, Helen Fielding, on the show

next Wednesday. Get in touch if you were a real-life rigid Jones back in

the 90s, and tell us how things have turned out for you! -- a real-life

Bridget Jones. Living with a mental illness is not only challenging for

Bridget Jones. Living with a mental the sufferer, but for the family

too. Tonight, two brothers tell us the story of growing up with

schizophrenia. I'm woody, and I am the drama in Madness. My name is

Nick Woodgate. I am Woody's brother, and I have schizophrenia.

Nick Woodgate. I am Woody's Nick was younger than me, and he was

really popular in school. Everyone loved him! He was the captain of the

football team. He was good at English and art, and, well

everything, really. Nick was always going to be the famous one. It was

written in the stars that he would be the star. I took LSD when I was

11, and by the time I was 13, I had taken it a couple of times. And I

knew everything was wrong then. I first realised that Nick had some

problem in his early teens. He became quite withdrawn, and he would

get panic attacks, and really not be himself. What happens is, all around

me, I feel like inanimate objects and people are sending me messages,

and they are telling me that this other side exists. And that they are

suffering, and the only way of stopping the suffering is for me to

kill myself. I feel sad, in a way, when I have those episodes, because

I don't want to leave this world, because I am attached to people in a

very strong way. I was 27 when I was sectioned. I didn't think there was

anything wrong with me, even though I was living in this fantasy world

of my own. When I was ill in my teens and 20s, I couldn't hold a

job. I had a few jobs which were a couple of days long, but the average

time was two weeks. This room is where we did our first gig with our

time was two weeks. This room is first band, together, Nick and I

come back when we were 13 or 14 years old. Being with Madness in the

early days was tough, with Nick being just not right. You were

really kind of... You definitely changed. It got worse and worse. You

turned up in Scandinavia in jeans and T-shirt, and it was freezing! I

got him back to the hotel room where I was staying, fed him, got him as

warm as I could, and then when I looked around, he had just

disappeared. It was getting where members of my family, it was

mortifying having him around. That sounds very selfish and

self-centred. Absolutely true, though. I never thought I felt any

jealousy for Woody's success, but it is only in recent days when I think

that every time something exciting happened to Madness, like if they

got a new album out or a single to number one, it was kind of naming my

coffin down even further, because I was so unable to fulfil my talents.

Nick and I have formed a band called The Magic Brothers. We have an album

out. Nick frustrates the hell out of me, because he never has a complete

song. For Nick, he is like, what a relief! Someone has finished my

song! We do work very well together. As you are my brother, I understand

where you're coming from. It is like As you are my brother, I understand

a proper grown-up group that adults do. Have we grown up? Unfortunately,

have! Good. What a relationship they have. Banks to Woody and to Nick,

and their debut album is out now. A brand-new venue called the Hydro in

Glasgow opened its doors for the first time last night. Thousands saw

Rod Stewart performed there. A few weeks ago, we were given exclusive

access to see the site and how the venue was built.

The One Show has been following all the action from behind-the-scenes at

Scotland's new home for live entertainment, the Hydro. It

resembles an alien spacecraft, but the materials used in this building,

Teflon, you can find in a frying pan. The new building is clad in a

material called ETFE, which will reflect the light and showcase

lighting this place. I am here to meet the architect. Is that strong

enough? It is a sophisticated system. There was a lot that goes

into it. But Scottish wind and rain - it will need to be tough. It is

very tough. There is a wind sensor on the roof, and if the wind is

getting up, the pressure on the pillows increases. It might look

simple, but it is a sophisticated system. The amount of air this will

change throughout the year. In the summer months, you might not have as

much. Yes. As the wind changes, so does the pressure. And the silver

surface, is that purely to reflect light? The silver dots prevent the

sun from heating up the space inside the building. We did a lot of work

getting the right says Dot's -- the right size dots and the right

spacing. Weather and even a fire caused delays, so specialists have

been working round the clock to make sure the venue was open on time. You

are the man who puts it up? I am. Is that a nerve wracking job? It looks

very delicate. It is quite a strong plastic. It has got quite a lot of

strength to it when you lift it up in the air. How long has it taken

you to get to where you are now? The actual install of the pillows has

taken about four months. 450 light fixtures illuminate the building.

Combined, they produced nearly 13 million colours. The Hydro will host

boxing and gymnastics at next year's Commonwealth Games. It joins

a string of venues purpose-built and ready well in advance of 2014. Last

night, Rod Stewart open the 12,000 seat venue. With a start like this,

it is clear to see that the party begins before you enter the

building. There you go! I will be in there

covering the gymnastics, so I look There you go! I will be in there

forward to that. Paul, 28 venues you are about to do on this tour. We are

going to test you to see how well you know the venues. The driver

knows where to go, not me! Lets see if you can recognise the venue from

the stage door. The stage door is the bit you generally see. Lets put

you to the test. Where is this? You are playing there on the 20th of

October. Bracknell? It is the and dill! This is the next one. This was

built in 1971. That is Swindon. It is! Very good! Where is this? Is it

Croydon? It is the hexagon in Reading! Thanks ever so much for

coming in. Good luck with the tour. Paul Merton starts this Saturday in

Canterbury. We will be back tomorrow with Emma Thompson. See you then.

Goodbye.