02/10/2012 The One Show


02/10/2012

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Hello and welcome to the programme. Tonight's guest is Ian Hislop. It

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is as if butter would not melt. Please welcome Ian Hislop! I'm not

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sure that was quite emotional enough. Shall we? Come on! That's

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man's love. That's better. We will be letting our emotions run wild

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later. That's pretty crazy for me. Well, we will be speaking about

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your new show, Stiff Upper Lip, and finding out what emotions you bring

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out in the people of Britain.. out in the people of Britain..

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we will be asking you for a caption to this picture. Have a think about

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that, you have about 25 minutes. If you at home would like to join in,

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you can let us know what your caption would be. Sadly, tomorrow

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and Thursday sees the funerals of police officers Fiona Bone and

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Nicola Hughes. Their deaths have resulted in the usual calls to arm

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the police, but has policing really become more dangerous? This is one

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of the darkest days in the history of Greater Manchester Police.

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big news when police officers are big news when police officers are

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killed in action, and the recent events are no exception. The

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killings of PC Fiona Bone and PC Nicola Hughes came as a huge shock.

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In the past five years, thousands of police officers have been

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assaulted in the line of duty, and five have been killed. Each death

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brings an understandable public outcry. There are calls for police

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officers to be armed. But what I want to find out is, is policing

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more dangerous today than ever before? The modern police force was

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set up in London in 1829. The first Constable to be killed was PC

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Joseph Grantham, just one year later, kicked in the head whilst

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arresting a drunk. These new recruits for the British Transport

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Police are taking part in unarmed defence training. If something is

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going to happen, it is going to happen. It is a case of having the

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skills to deal with the situation. Do you think your role is any more

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dangerous than that of your male colleagues? I don't think so. Often,

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women can calm the situation down, so there are benefits. What about

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your family? My mum and dad have always supported me, they have

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never discouraged me from this line of work. These recruits think

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unarmed tactics are more important than carrying firearms. I do not

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believe the average police officer needs are done on his belt yet. If

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we aren't, the criminals will be wanting to take the next step.

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man is a former officer who was with PC Fletcher, the moment she

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was shot outside the Libyan embassy in 1984. It was just a normal day.

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Demonstration outside the Libyan embassy. There were 10 a penny then.

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A routine event turned nasty. I was devastated. I broke down, I

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wondered why it had happened. When I saw the photographs of those two

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officers in Manchester, it brought it all back. I knew what their

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family and friends and colleagues were going through. I joined the

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service in 1972. The only protection I had was a small wooden

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truncheon. We had respect for the public, the public had respect for

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us. What do you think about it? some respects, I can understand it,

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because the need is there for them to carry all of that equipment. I

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would probably hesitate to approach a policeman these days and ask for

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something, because they just look out of touch and very aggressive.

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People get so shocked when they hear the stories of police officers

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dying. I think because it is so rare in this country. He is right,

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it is rare. In the past 100 years, 149 police officers in England,

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Scotland and Wales have been killed and the line of duty as a direct

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result of violence. The place where, as an unarmed police officer, using

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to be most at risk of death, his New Zealand, in the post-war period,

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where the death rate appears to be two or three times what it is in

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Britain. Right at the very beginning, in the 1840s, you have

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got five was six cases where police officers have been attempting to

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make arrests, and have been beaten to death by crowds. In the last

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century, the Highers number of police officers killed in any

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single year was six, and that was in 1982. Some of those were at the

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hands of the IRA. Since then, the only year which has come close was

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1991, when five were killed. We can never predict violent murders. If

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you look at how many assaults there have been on police, it was running

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at around 28,010 years ago, but now it seems to be 7,000.

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circumstances in which the two women died were shocking and its

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extreme, but do you think the mood here is guilty of exaggerating the

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risks faced by police officers? and the press is fairly historical.

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Two weeks ago, all policemen should be put in jail because of

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Hillsborough. This week, they are all heroes, the issue beyond. You

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need a bit more distance. Most senior police officers have said,

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the Way you Are safest is if the crowd does not be due to death, but

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helps you a rest the person. So, the closer you are to the community,

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in other words, not armed, the better you are. That's my view.

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Your new series starts tonight on BBC Two. You start in the 18th

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century, and you describe this country as a surprisingly emotional

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place. Let's have a look. English were not known for reserve,

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they were known for exuberance, particularly the women. The Dutch

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scholar Erasmus came to London and wrote home, wherever you come, you

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were received with a kiss by all. When you take your leave, you are

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dismissed with kisses. When you return, kisses are repeated. They

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come to visit you, kisses again. They leave, you kiss them all round.

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Should you meet them anywhere, kisses in abundance. You cannot

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move without kisses. The whole thing sounds like a medieval

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lover's paradise. So, as a nation, we were quite the floozy.

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absolutely. The thing the British were known for at various points in

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history was being over-emotional. In the 18th century, if you were a

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proper, civilised, decent man, you worked a lot, you show people you

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were civilised by weeping. Surely that's Italy, isn't it? We were

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exactly like that. When did it change? It changed when we decided

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we could not be like France. Essentially, it was the French

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Revolution, the French, in a very major way, getting over-excited,

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and murdering everyone, and everybody running wild. The British

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establishment had one look at that and thought, we need to control

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this, we need to control ourselves, and we need to stop being like them.

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You referred to Nelson as a romantic hero - so, who in your

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opinion sums up the stiff upper lip? The real prototype was the

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Duke of Wellington. The Victorians made a real fetish out of the Duke

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of Wellington. He was the man who showed no emotion, he was reserved

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and restraint. There was an anecdote about him from the Battle

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of Waterloo, standing next to the Duke of Uxbridge, and a cannon ball

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takes off the leg of the Duke of Uxbridge. He turns to him and says,

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by God, I think I have been hit, I have lost my leg. Wellington goes,

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my God, so you have. That's it. This year, we have had the Olympics,

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we have had any number of different events, which have had us blubbing.

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We were crying everybody crossed the finishing line. Do we still

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have a stiff upper lip? Again, it is ambivalent in this country. If

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you watched the Olympics and the Paralympics, everybody was weeping.

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I think it is great. But you had a very mad event just before that

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with the Jubilee, with the flotilla of little boats. The weather did

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not help that one, did it? No, the weather did help! It is almost as

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if we were teasing ourselves to become emotional, and then, saying,

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no. The flotilla was really five hours getting drenched in the rain

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and everybody pretending it was not happening. We're fine! We are

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British, this is absolutely right, the Duke of Edinburgh is going to

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end up in hospital, fair enough. The people singing with the Mascari

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are coming down them, everyone got hypothermia. But no, we are not

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going to admit it. What about you, do you have a stiff upper lip?

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very, very touchy-feely. Are you? No. The last time I genuinely cried

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was when Piers Morgan went to America. The fact he had a return

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ticket? Then I would have cried again. Well, we wondered what

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emotion stirred inside people when they saw a picture of somebody

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famous, and that person in fact was you. Let's see what they had to say.

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It makes me feel happy. That makes me feel smug. Impish. Sometimes I

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just think of him as a little twerp. Happy. Happy indeed. He has got

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more hair than me, which is quite upsetting. He is quite chirpy,

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happy and bright. How does he make you feel? You look quite similar.

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Yes, people have said that before. He is beautiful. That's the best

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one we've had, he will love that. He has got a lovely little smiley

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face. You want to go like that to his ears. I think you got away with

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that, just about. Just about, I liked the baby, that was terrific.

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And the other little toddler said, give him a kiss. No reserve there.

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And you had some female fans - she thought you were sexy. Yes, that

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will do! We have kept her number. Every now and again, an

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environmental disaster looms on the horizon, threatening the end of the

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world as we know it. In the 1980s, it was the turn of acid rain.

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so long ago, a deadly enemy coming from the skies seem to pose a

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serious threat. The Government is trying to cut sulphur dioxide

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emissions from power stations... Lakes and forests were being

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poisoned. Scientific investigations suggested fish would die in their

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millions. With acid rain, we are all constantly told that there is

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no proof. But proof was quickly established when the very fabric of

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civilisation started to feel the effects of acid rain. Acid rain

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knows no boundaries, it is even eroding some of the world's most

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famous buildings, turning their facades into nothing more than rock.

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But now, acid rain is rarely mentioned - is that because it was

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a false alarm, or was the problem solved? What became of it? This

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professor from the University of no, has been investigating the

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phenomenon for 30 years. What causes it? When we burn coal,

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Salford comes off, as sulphur dioxide, which is converted into

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sulphuric acid up in the atmosphere. It is then washed out in the rain.

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But as industrialisation increased, there was more acid rain. Gases

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created by industry was swept across to Scandinavian, falling to

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earth as acid rain. Suddenly, around the 1960s and 1970s, we had

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dead fish in the water, and we thought, we have got to do

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something about this, this is not going to go away. In the laboratory,

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it is easy to see the effects of acid rain on stonework. Sulphuric

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acid, in a strength which mimics many years of acid rain, has little

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effect on hard as stone, like granite. But on soft limestone,

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used extensively for building, the reaction is obvious. It fizzes away.

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The legacy of acid rain can still be seen. This is York Minster, and

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inside the beautiful interior, the stonework is pristine. Outside, it

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is a different story. The stonemasons at York Minster have

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been dealing with the effects of We we place the stone with brand

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new stone to maintain the safety of the building, as well as the detail.

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If we didn't do this there would be a chance that some stones would

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become dangerous and the possibility that one could fall off.

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From up here, you can see five power stations, so whichever way

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the wind blew the Minister was bound to be affected. Acid rain was

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once one of the biggest environmental panics we faced. Now

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it's faded from the headlines, so what happened? The answer was

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international co-operation on limiting emissions. The amount of

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sulphur that is produced in Europe has decreased by more than 60% and

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in the UK there's been a 90% or so reduction in sulphur emissions, so

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it has been very successful. What's specific things happened, which

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made a difference to acid rain? the UK, at power stations, there

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was a shift from coal to gas and this led to a marked decrease in

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the amount of sulphur emitted. Long-term damage was done and the

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gas is still pumped out, but the area affected by it has diminished

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greatly. It's amazing to think that 30 years ago this huge ecological

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problem dominated headlines and what's even more remarkable is by

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countries coming together it was largely solved. Lucy, what exactly

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did we do to get rid of the problem? We did two things. We

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switched and scrubbed. Shall I explain? We switched fuels to ones

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that had less sulphur. The coal industry was in decline anyway and

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British Coal was high in sulphur and we changed toil and natural gas.

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That having hardly any sulphur. The other thing, which was really

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clever technology, we scrubbed the air in the big chimney stacks at

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power stations, so they have electromagnetic particles and they

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basically trapped the sulphur inside or mixed the gases with lime

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and the sulphur falls to the ground, so they cleaned the air, which is

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easy. It sounds easy, but I'm sure it was hard to get to the point.

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Then the other thing was that we began to outsource a lot of our

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industry, so actually acid rain might be an historical story for us,

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but scientists are very worried about it in India and China and

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even in parts of eastern Europe, where there is a lot of heavy

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industry. That's a successful British export? Yes! Another one.

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On the subject of global warm, -- warming, the Government has come up

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with the green deal, but it's quite confusing. It's not clear. Yes. The

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central idea is to make us all invest really in energy yom

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provements. We know we have leaky - - improvements. You know we have

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leaky old houses and energy bills are going through the roof, so what

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we need to do is start bringing in quite expensive stuff like cavity

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wall insulation and property loft insulation and they want us to take

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out loans, which will then be paid off through our savings in our

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energy bills. So, kind of, it could be revolutionary, but it's become

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so complicated I think it's fair to say it's going through a difficult

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phase at the moment. The green deal has been launched, but what

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nobody's quite sure about is how it will be financed and what

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particular product is going to look like. And whether, actually, it

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will be attractive to us all, so that we'll actually do it. It's got

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to make financial sense? It does. It's the golden rule, the pay-back

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time doesn't exceed the savings and it's about the balance. There are

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so many factors at the moment. That's with the economy and other

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things. And the debt, if you have the improvements, the debt stays

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with the house, not with the people who live there, so if you buy a

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house you're taking on that debt? Yes, that would be part of it

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possibly. They would buy in from the big companies and big DIY

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stores and some are keen and some may be not. Thank you so much. Ian,

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we have got a little game for you now. It's a headline round to get

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you warmed up for the brand new series of Have I Got News For You.

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As we have been staying, the media loves to exaggerate, so now it's

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time to play Headlines of Doom. We have taken headlines from every

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newspaper editor's favourite industry magazine, apocalypse Now.

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These are real headlines that didn't really materialise in the

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end. Lucy, you can help out. A confering round. Here's your first

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head -- headline of doom. It's 2008, are we all going to blank next

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Wednesday? Die? It's not Salford, is it?

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LAUGHTER That's one for the DG! Very good.

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No, in fact, Lucy you should have listened to your friend, the answer

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is going to die next Wednesday. For a bonus, what was the disaster?

:19:54.:20:04.
:20:04.:20:04.

Swine flu. SARS. Mad cow disease. A comet, as strayed. No, only one

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answer. The Large Hadron Collider that could have created a mini

:20:08.:20:18.

black hole. Here's your second headline of doom. This one is from

:20:18.:20:28.
:20:28.:20:29.

2006. Blank fears soar sky-high. The clue's on my top. Bird flu.

:20:29.:20:38.

It is. It's all about the beginning of the bird flu pandemic. Your

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final one and this one is from the year 2000. Blank ate my marriage.

:20:44.:20:54.
:20:54.:20:55.

The big clue is the date. Any idea? May 2000. John Cleese? I don't know

:20:55.:21:03.

which marriage that would be. The year is significant. The K Y2 bug.

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He's got it. Very good. The millennium bug, a couple fled to a

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remote farm house and stockedpiled food. The world survived and their

:21:14.:21:24.
:21:24.:21:26.

marriage tragically didn't. Good effort. Well done. Now, Miranda is

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at the Penallta Colliery looking at art project that has been made in

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:21:45.:21:46.

memory of the pit ponies. She will take to the skies. By the way, it's

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pronounced Penallta Colliery. Working horses are part of our

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heritage. They pulled ploughs and toed canal boats, but there's not

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such a rosy glow surrounding the image of a pit pony, working

:21:59.:22:03.

underground in the cramped conditions of a mine. Horses

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working down mines have been recorded as far back as 1750. At

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first there weren't that many, but all that changed in the mid-19th

:22:11.:22:14.

century, when it was made illegal for boys under ten and all women to

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work in coal mines. Women and chirp's primary job down the mines

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was to carry coal. Without them, another way of doing this had to be

:22:24.:22:29.

found, so horses were sent down to replace them. Sometimes this meant

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they would have to be lowered down the shaft in a harness and once

:22:33.:22:39.

underground many spent the rest of their lives there. 10 metres

:22:39.:22:45.

beneath the surface of Yorkshire, at the National Coal Mining Museum,

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can I see how they used to live. It's not the best of environments

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to be living in. No access to the sunshine. It's a hard life and

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fairly short life too, unfortunately. How much shorter was

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the life down here for a pony than above ground? Probably looking at

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half, I would have thought, five years at the most, most -- maybe

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ten. They may have been worked hard, but some miners formed very strong

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bonds with their charges. 70-year- old John Carrington worked with pit

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ponies when he started aged 15. were all in a dangerous environment

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and you depended on him and he depended on you. If I pony wouldn't

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go down a road there were a reason, whether it was gas or the roof were

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coming in. Whether they could hear the cracking or smelt the gas, I

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don't know. He has got something there he knows and you don't know

:23:41.:23:47.

and you don't want to find out. the late 1800s the number of horses

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down mines reached a peak of an estimated 200,000. But, as

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mechanisation arrived, horses started to be relaced by machines

:23:57.:24:02.

and their numbers fell. Yet, as recently as 1961, there were still

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around 11,000 horses working in the collieries and some of the last

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ones like Jake here, were only finally retired at the end of the

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1990s. Jake is now 20 years old and is living out his days with other

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pit ponies in the Taff Valley. This part of industrial history has now

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come to an end, but at the sight of -- site of the former Penallta

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Colliery in South Wales, they've been a lasting monument, to make

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sure they don't fade from memory, but it's way too big to see

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properly from ground level. What I'm standing in is just a nostril

:24:40.:24:44.

and to take on the full effect, I'm going up in the One Show balloon.

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Joining me is Mick Petts, the artist who came up with the design

:24:49.:24:52.

and this flight will be very special for him. He's never seen it

:24:52.:25:00.

from the air before. Are you excited? Yeah. As we rise, the true

:25:00.:25:09.

form stands to reveal itself. brilliant morning, the first time

:25:09.:25:12.

I've been up in the air. Absolutely I've been up in the air. Absolutely

:25:12.:25:15.

brilliant. The reason for having the pony in this kind of shape,

:25:15.:25:20.

leaping hopefully in an expressive way, is symbolising the final

:25:20.:25:29.

release of the pit ponies. Taking over seven months to build, it's

:25:29.:25:36.

200 metres long and nearly made up of thousands of tonnes of coal

:25:36.:25:41.

shale, so this could be Britain's most asthetic slag heap. When it

:25:41.:25:46.

was completed one last thing remained, giving it a name. One of

:25:46.:25:50.

the first people who walked over the pit pony was one of the ex-

:25:50.:25:55.

miners and he stood on it, pointed to the ground and said, "This pit

:25:55.:26:05.
:26:05.:26:07.

pony is going to be called Salt p Sultan." Working pit ponies may

:26:07.:26:11.

have disappeared from this country for ever, but this vast monument

:26:11.:26:14.

will serve as a reminder of the hundreds of years that those ponies

:26:14.:26:21.

helped keep our homes warm by working down the mines. It's so sad

:26:21.:26:24.

that they spent nearly a lifetime that they spent nearly a lifetime

:26:24.:26:30.

in darkness. What a beautiful place. It is. As we mentioned, the 44th

:26:30.:26:34.

series of Have I Got News For You starts next week. Yeah. You did say

:26:34.:26:38.

that you feel responsible for making one public figure really

:26:38.:26:43.

popular. Can you enlighten us? number of people have said that

:26:43.:26:48.

Boris Johnson was made by the programme. It's quite a serious

:26:48.:26:51.

charge. If he's Prime Minister you could have been partially

:26:51.:26:57.

responsible. I think we'll have to go to jail. Will Ferrell was saying

:26:57.:27:01.

he felt responsible for President Bush getting into power, so satire

:27:01.:27:06.

can be dangerous? Yeah t can backfire very, very badly. What if

:27:06.:27:11.

Number Ten called and said, "The Prime Minister would like to come

:27:11.:27:17.

on and host."? I think the produces would say yeah, get him on.

:27:17.:27:21.

wanted Tony Blair? I would love Blair to come on. It would be

:27:21.:27:27.

marvellous. Peter Mandelson on my side. We could have a big fest.

:27:27.:27:32.

could be watching now. We have a caption competition. We'll get your

:27:32.:27:37.

response to this. No, no, we can't have the public being funnier than

:27:37.:27:42.

me. Shall we do theirs first. yeah. All right. We have had loads

:27:42.:27:48.

of them in. Brian marshal says, "Come on Ed, your speech wasn't

:27:48.:27:54.

that bad." Brian, who is possibly a Private Eye employee, "It's the

:27:54.:28:00.

only way to read Private Eye in peace." Sal says, "Over here boys,

:28:00.:28:06.

I think I've found the economy." That's very good. Tim says, "We'll

:28:06.:28:14.

soon have you nought dear, the fire brigade are here now." James said,

:28:14.:28:17.

"Ahead of the Conservative Party Conference, David Cameron finally

:28:17.:28:21.

manages to shake off Nick Clegg." Simon with my personal favourite,

:28:21.:28:29.

which is, "Fenton, Fenton, Fenton." Ian, time for yours? They are all

:28:29.:28:33.

extremely good. I thought that was looking -- that was me looking for

:28:33.:28:37.

ideas for my next series. I'll have to steal most of them for next week.

:28:37.:28:44.

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