05/12/2016 The One Show

Hello and welcome to The One Show with Matt Baker.

Tonight we get a glimpse inside a building that's home

to some of Britain's best brains -

the top-secret surveillance centre GCHQ.

The Government Communications Headquarters.

With us in the studio are two men who are no slouches

in the IQ department either, as they claim to be able to condense

the entire universe into a single hour of television

and make it funny, as well.

Professor Brian Cox and comedian Noel Fielding.

We have a scientist, Professor, and a comedian. You must have rubbed off

a little working together on that project. There was a lot of robbing.

-- rubbing I always wanted a space 1999 outfit. I had one made. That is

the commander, space 1999 and those boots I managed to recycle. The

irony is I am wearing those boots in real life. They are very nice.

Silver boots. Material and jokes, has the comedy rubbed off? I have a

geeky joke. Eisenberg driving along the motorway, policeman pulls over

and says, do you know how fast you were going? He said no, but I know

exactly where I am. That was the punch line. You did not know it had

finished. It is true you need a degree in physics to get the joke!

It was the cheeky wink at the end. The purpose was to educate the

nation in an entertaining way. Noel, do you remember the show? The

science stuff I was vague on. Often you try to explain things to us and

that thing when you are at school, and use own out. You can hear your

own internal monologue. Between takes it was E equals MC squared. I

played Einstein. We have seen the clips. I had to write about on a

bike. It goes faster than the speed of light! That was my catchphrase.

The Government Communications Headquarters wants recruits with

maths, languages and problem-solving skills.

GCHQ is controversial as nobody really knows the extent

of its ability to monitor phone and internet communications.

But a law to regulate its activities is about to come in,

so it's a good time for Nick Wallis to hand in his phone and go inside.

GCHQ, the Government Communications Headquarters nestled in the sleepy

market town of Cheltenham. Nicknamed the doughnut, the building houses

the UK spy agency dedicated to keeping us safe through intelligence

and information gathering. But it has been accused of illegal hacking

and harnessing of data from our phones, e-mails, texts and social

media accounts. What goes on in here? One of the most secret

buildings in the world. Let's go in and look around. It is 7:30am, and

agents will soon start to arrive for duty. They split across three

blocks, connected by what is known as the street. It is here I will

meet former analyst Tony. What was it like to be a spy? We never

describe ourselves as spies. We work in intelligence and our job is to

produce information about the intentions of hostile countries or

terrorists. That means electronic surveillance. Last year in the wake

of the Paris attacks and independent terror review found GCHQ's digital

eavesdropping had foiled a terrorist plot in the final hours before a

planned attack. The review of surveillance powers found GCHQ spied

on around 1600 people'se-mails and internet used to identify

extremists. What sort of people work at GCHQ? Famously we employ

mathematicians and also linguists, people with an analytical frame of

mind. And I guess and ability to keep secrets? It is an essential

part of working here, yes. Tony's has analysed top-secret information

for over 30 years. How has the business change? In some ways it has

changed beyond recognition, but the fundamentals of what we do are the

same as 100 years ago. Which is what? Looking at Communications of

people who would do harm to the UK. Even though we have this unique

access, we cannot show anyone's face and filming is tricky. Any computer

screen could contain top-secret data. One of the analyst managers

has agreed to speak to me, but only if we protect her identity. For the

sake of this film we will call her Beth. What you do? We take technical

data and turn it into something that can be used to arrest a suspect. The

attack. If I knew what he knew, would I be more or less worried

about the world than I am? A bit of both. More worried because you would

know more about the threat and the things we face as a nation, and feel

a bit safer because you know the tremendous people we have got inside

this building trying to keep us safe from those threats. It probably

evens out. I am not sure whether that is a relief! Even though they

have sophisticated technology, there is one thing workers cannot use,

personal mobile phones. They are banned from the building. That is

something my friend struggled to get their heads around, there will be a

block of eight, nine hours when I am not available. Do your friends call

you a spook? LAUGHTER. Not consistently. GCHQ are looking

to recruit the next generation of analysts and to attract a broader

cross-section, six weeks ago they published a book of puzzles. Have I

got what it takes to work here? Let's try this one. What follows the

NI, Brussels, Prague, Copenhagen, Tallinn, Helsinki, Athens? Tony has

to give me hints before I realise they are capital cities of Europe,

they are countries listed in alphabetical order. Why can I not

find a country beginning with H? Hungry. Budapest. It is a serious

and controversial business and a new government act will give GCHQ

ability to browse our internet records going back 12 months. Edward

Snowden claims GCHQ has been harvesting this material illegally

for years. Is that true? Tomorrow I will speak with one of the big

bosses here to find out. In part two of Nick's report

tomorrow, he challenges its deputy Now then, The Entire Universe, it is

on on Boxing Day, on BBC Two. Apparently an idea dreamt up by you

Brian and Eric idle, over a kite, always the best way. What does Eric

Idle know about science? He has always been a fan. Remember the

Galaxy songs. He said he gets so much internet and e-mails about the

Galaxy Song because people say it is wrong. He said, you scientists is

always change your mind as soon as you get new data. It grew from

there. I said to him drunkenly something like, my whole career has

been trying to explain science and being interrupted by TV people who

use a stand on a mountain and point at the stars. The ultimate

introduction would be a Broadway musical. Let's have a Broadway

musical interruption while you try to talk about science. With that in

mind, how would you describe this show? I think Brian is trying to put

on a lecture and he does not know the musical is happening and dancers

appear behind him. It is an insane show. A scientific Spamalot? It is a

science musical. You just said to me in the break, you said, it is the

weirdest thing I have seen! I have no idea what people will make of it.

Coming from you, the weirdest thing you have ever seen! Let's challenge

the audience right now with the weirdest thing you have ever seen.

# Just remember that you are standing on a planet revolving at

900 miles an hour. # That's orbiting so its reckons the

sun is the source of all our power. # Bang bang bang went to the Big

Bang. The Higgs Boson. That song, I wake

up screaming in the middle of the night, it is going around, and when

I am 100 I will be in a home, rocking backwards and forwards doing

the Higgs Boson song. It is the story of the universe from slightly

before the Big Bang until the present-day condensed into one hour

interrupted by a West End musical with Noel as the Higgs Boson,

Einstein and what else due play? An old lady at one point. I got to play

a sort of Monty Python old lady which was amazing. Warwick is the

Big Bang. He was amazing. The Bee Gees. We have three photographs and

we would like you to tell us what is going on. This is Warwick as part of

the Bee Gees line-up. Warwick was amazing to work with. He was so

cool. That is Hannah, who opened Spamalot on Broadway and in the West

End. An incredible voice. How do the Bee Gees fitting? They do a song

about gravity. # Gravity! We had to do a song in

very tight trousers but luckily we had amazing dancers. Arlene Phillips

did the choreography. They are, now you mention it, incredibly tight,

those trousers. It made it easier to sing. The next one, there you are as

Einstein. I was quite into that costume. I think Warwick was playing

Pluto. It is not a planet any more. It is very sad. He has been demoted.

We could not understand this. The Royal family in an alternative

universe? As fish. In this universe they are fish. What we do? I think I

was a camel in a poncho. Why? You have to watch to find out. In an

infinite universe with different possibilities, it illustrates every

possibility could happen. There could be a universe with the Royal

family as fish. People will watch this on Boxing Day and assume they

have had too much sherry. You should have some sherry and get involved.

How much of it is hard science fact and how much of it was you winding

up Brian? You have a bit of a go, horoscopes, Scientology. I called

you Spock. Eric said, I want you to basically, if you can, try to put

Brian off the lecture. We will get everything he hates out. We will

talk about Scientology. All of his bugbears. In the lecture, we do

actually tell the story of the universe as we know it with all the

factss. It is the story of the universe interrupted. You can see

The Entire Universe on BBC Two on Boxing Day at 9:30pm. It is funny.

Some weird goings-on have been spotted by BBC

"Hair ice" sent in by Lisa from Nairn in Scotland.

Highly unusual "fog dome" captured by Hannah in Wales.

But there's one phenomenon so rare, you'll probably never

That's as long as it doesn't escape Marty's lab.

Tornadoes, their power, speed and force can cause destruction wherever

they go. But there is a certain type of tornado that fascinates me the

most. They are rare, but deadly. They are known as fire tornadoes.

They're a dangerous combination of powerful winds and intense fire.

With wind speeds reaching 200mph, they can sore as high -- soar as

high as 400 feet and reach temperatures of 1,000 degrees. To

understand how the fire tornado forms, I'm going to whip up my very

own in a warehouse. First, I need to create a small forest fire in this

dish. What's happening here is the fire is creating hot air and the hot

air is rising up. As it rises up, it draws air in at the sides. If I use

my smoke pen here, if I hold it down here, you can see the smoke is being

drawn in and up really quickly. My little forest fire here isn't big

enough to create a vortex of air, so I'm going to give it a helping hand

using this metal gauze. And my old record turn table. When I turn it on

the updraft of air is twisted as it goes in through the Metal gauze and

you get the burning of a fire tornado. Look at that! The vast heat

created by wildfires causes the air to rise extremely quickly. This

updrafting air gets so strong, it can spoon tansly begin --

spontaneously begin to rotate, creating a vortex of fire. I can

make a small-scale one, but can I come close to producing the

formidable power of a fire tornado? If I'm going to want to make a real

flame tornado, I will need something more than just a small bowl of fire

and a turn table. I'm going to need to scale things up a little bit. So

I've got ten powerful fans and a drum of fuel. Max, do you want to

light the fuel? I'm going to come over here. All I need to do is turn

on the fans here. Here we go. It's looking good. Just a little

tweak of the fans to adjust the wind direction and create that swirling

effect. Look at that! It's really quite hypnotically

beautiful. At the same time, it's terrifying, because you can feel the

heat. It's a ten-foot tall pillar of flame. That's why I'm quite glad you

don't see these very off the anyone nature. -- very often in nature.

However tempting it feels do not try it at home. You're tempted. Don't

try it. I know. We got talking there about tornadoes on Mars. Yeah, there

are dust devils, rotating storms. It's a tenuous atmosphere. We've

seen the sand being whipped up... Dust devils, you've made that up

surely. No in the midwest they call them that. Do you talk about them in

Professor Brian Cox live? That's a very smooth link! Isn't it, thanks.

I've just finished this big tour. All across the country, talking

really about cosmology. Arena, Noel. In May, Wembley. We finished

Hammersmith Friday night. That's the place Bowie finished. You should

have worn your outfit. I was thinking that, the Space 1999

outfit. How theatrical is it and how much is it like one of your

lectures? We have a huge screen. The thing about astronomy, we have

spectacular images. They're the way we know these things. There are two

trillion galaxies in the observable universe. How do we know? We say the

universe is 13. 8 billion years old. How do we know? It's a big screen

and a bit a lecture. It's the only gig you see where you actually take

notes. People said, that it's great to see on Twitter coming out going,

"I don't know what to think any more." We're infinitily tiny on this

tiny but also incredibly valuable. That's what I try get across.

There's no answer to that. How do you fit those two things? It's so

tiny, a speck of dust, but incredibly valuable as civilisation.

It's really popular, because you've actually broken a world record.

Yeah. For the most tickets ever sold for a scientific event. There has

only been one scientific event! There we go. I was presented from

the Guinness Book of Records, a remarkable thing. 75,000 people came

to the tour. Are you going to be in the Guinness Book of Records. For

this Christmas, look. We've extended it into May for which tickets are

still available - can I say that? Another record. I want to see it. I

haven't seen it yet. He can spare one for you. You can answer all the

questions about the Higgs Bosun. Now then, if you watched Planet Earth II

last night, I'm sure you will see how they capture those incredible

moments. Sir David Attenborough is with us on Friday, but Mike has met

an avid twitcher with some clever tricks of his own

It feels like a scene from the Great Escape. You wouldn't have thought

the best place to see birds was through a tunnel. This is a bird

encounter with a difference. All right, Robert. All right, Michael.

The One Show has been to your house a number of times. I know the

amazing lengths you go to film and photograph wildlife, but this takes

the biscuit When there's good action out here, I had an idea and I crept

from the house. Occasionally I was spotted by the birds out there. Then

would have another long wait. When something really interesting is

happening out there, I can come through the tunnel and photograph

and film the wildlife undetected. The subterranean technique. The

tunnel took a month and thousands of pounds to construct. Wildlife artist

Robert Fuller comes up with many inventive way to get close to

animals to inspire his art work. The tunnel isn't the only trick up his

sleeve. He's built bird tables with a difference, as well as garden

birds, he leaves food out for surprising visitors. We've got

kestrels and owls that feed here. It's an interesting mix of animals.

The kestrels and owls come onto the bird table? Yeah, they do, yeah.

This is something I've never seen. As we watch the usual garden birds

feeding, suddenly they all disappear. Something bigger arrives

for lunch. That's lovely, look at that. That is a kes receipt sitting

on a bird table. I never thought I'd say that. It's a bird that hovers on

motorway verges, it doesn't come down and eat carrion. Well, it does

at your house! They're clever little birds, taking the opportunity of

getting the food. They will come down and take carrion. Is there a

worry about supplementary feeding? You want the birds to be able to

find their own foods naturally as well We're supplementing normal

garden birds throughout the country, what's the difference? It's a bigger

bird and it eats meat, there's no difference to me. There seems to be

an uneasy alliance between the smaller and bigger birds. But the

real argy-bargy is caused by two rival kestrel nests. They're almost

like drawing pistols. They go in with their tallons. Oh, it's a

kicking match. They're like teariers, straight into action. Two

nests, one male, two females. Just added an extra element into the mix

this year. The females have been fighting this summer. Now that

female is fighting with the chicks that have fledgeled. That coat cell

behaviour was -- kestrel behaviour was nonstop action. Now it's time

for the night shift. Every evening, Robert puts more food out to attract

a family of tawny owls to come to the table. The bird tables in front

of us are illuminated because Robert has been slowly getting the owls

acclimatised to feeding in the light. We can't have any lights

inside the hide. If the birds see us, they won't come anywhere near.

That's why we're filming in infrared and you're looking at us in black

and white. After 20 minutes of quietly waiting, look who-who's come

to dinner. The chicks are five metres away, in full light. How many

youngsters have you got in the nest? Naturally they had three of their

own chicks. We've surrogated four. To get the owls to this point, so

close to the hide has taken real perseverance. I start feeding them

down in the trees on a table, which is a mobile table. That table then

moves up here, ten metres a day, until we have them a few metres

outside the hide. We've now got six tawny owls in one shot. Quality and

quantity. Giving Robert inspiration for his latest picture. Using a

combination of patience, skill and field craft, Robert's turned his

back garden into a restaurant for a whole variety of birds and with

kestrels by day and tawny owls by night, this is a 24-hour diner.

Well, special with the tawny owls. But the kestrels! Digging a tunnel

was extreme, but worth it. Fantastic. You're very into art as

well. We have a piece of work here. This is Bats in a Tree, yes? They're

Bryan Ferry bats. How do you like interpreting wildlife. I had an

exhibition at the Royal Albert Hall, the water colours. The I like

animals. A lot of the comedy characters that me and Julian did

were often half animal. Do you spend quite a bit of time painting? Yeah,

it kind of relaxes me. Comedy is crazy and it's stressful. Painting

is like meditation. You zone out for hours I know how you feel. I'm the

same. You paint as well. Yeah, I do. We're dog a bit of comedy-ish now.

Never Mind The Buzzcocks you were a team captain. This is the intro

round. You sing the intro and the other person guesses the song. We're

going to swap, because I won't put you through this. I'll do the intro.

You help us team if we get stuck. These are our stars These songs are

science related-ish. Are we ready for the first one? I

can't remember the first one. Atmospheric. I'll provide the vibe.

# Turn around... Yes! He's good. It was the movement that you were

doing. Go on then. You start this.

The third one. You turned it into George Formby. Cleaning windows.

I've got it! It's the final... Count down! Yes. Pop trivia, my band

supported Europe. We supported them for 58 shows in 1989. Oh, my

goodness. We've got to go home now. That was quick. Tomorrow we have Ian

Hislop here. See you later. Bye.