06/12/2017 The One Show

Hello and welcome to

The One Show with Matt Baker...

..And Alex Jones.

Tonight we're enjoying Happy Hour

at the bar of the nation's

best-loved landlord.

Cheers!

You will be manning the bar. We have

jobs for you too.

We are lucky to

have you. You have been doing panto?

I'm in rears had al for Jack and the

Bean Stock. Don't tell you what

happens. It will be a spoiler. Not

sure if you are familiar with it. If

I tell you any more, I might blow

it. It's behind you, Tompkinson.

Let

us look at our specials.

Looking

forward to this.

We will start with this, the Navy's

new aircraft carrier. £3 billion

worth of floating fortress.

Is it it

called Boaty McBoatface.

You're a cultured soul,

so I'm sure you'll want to hear

which cities are fighting to become

the next UK City of Culture.

We will be meeting slimmer dog. We

crossed out "fat", it's slimmer dog

of the year.

Is this where you are

trying to get me so say - now, I've

seen everything.

Are you into your

music?

A big fan of Queen. I love

all music. I love Queen most of all

or Queen covers bands. If it's Queen

I'm happy with it. I like music, but

Queen mainly.

We have pushed the

boat out tonight. Back with a new

album of Ibiza Classic is Pete Tong

and the Heritage Orchestra.

It's not

Queen.

Definitely not Queen.

You must be a fan of more came and

wise?

Absolutely. Like everyone in

this country I grew up on repeat of

Morecambe and Wise Christmas

specials.

Thank you.

Joining us tonight is Stephen

Tompkinson who is about to play the

man behind the brains of the comedy

legends. What do you want to drink?

Something festive.

Like a drink. Do

you want a Snowball.

Mulled Wine.

OK.

I'm sure you know how to do

that.

I like the stove they've set

up for me here.

We were talking

before you kaum on air you are on

Aussie time.

You have been recently?

I've been

suffering with the cricket,

unfortunately. It's not been good.

It's not been good so far. Joe Root

has said he lulled them into a false

sense of security and they will win

the next three and bring the Ashes

home.

We are still in it is the

message from there.

Yes.

Well, we're starting with something

that's sure to stir-up the British

bulldog spirit in our friend

at the bar, the new aircraft

carrier HMS Elizabeth.

Described as "four acres

of sovereign territory

deployable across the globe",

the £3 billion mega-ship will be

formally commissioned

into the Royal Navy tomorrow.

Dan Snow's been given an exclusive

look at life on board.

This is the brand new HMS Queen

Elizabeth. The Royal Navy's largest

ever warship. It cost more than £3

billion and weighs 65,000 tonnes.

Tomorrow, this vast vessel will be

officially handed over to the Royal

Navy at a ceremony attended by the

Queen. But just getting this

aircraft carrier into its new home,

here in Portsmouth, was a major

task. The channel into the dockyard

had to be dredged to allow the huge

carrier through. Revealing all sorts

of unusual objects, including five

bombs which had to be towed out to

sea and detonated. I can't tell you

how exciting it is for me to come on

board this awesome ship. I've been

following the construction process

for around seven years and the way

they did it, it was quite

extraordinary. Constructions was

split between six separate shipyards

across the UK. The sections were

brought together at Rosyth in

Scotland. In 2012 the One Show

filmed in Portsmouth as they worked

on one of the pieces and we met

Paul, one of 10,000 involved in the

build. Five years on, we are

bringing him back to see the

finished product. What does it feel

like seeing her today?

Proud. Very,

very proud. She looks so impressive.

So large. On the third generation of

people that worked on building

ships, my son, the fourth

generation, he worked on it for a

while. It's pride, it's a family

pride thing. I think it's fantastic.

The man in charge of HMS Queen

Elizabeth is Commanding Officer

Captain Gerry Kidd. Have you the

best job in the United Kingdom?

The

best job in the Navy, that hes a for

sure. The largest warship we have

ever had and I'm in command but it's

a privilege commanding so many

brilliant men and women. It gives

the Government and the military huge

flexibility and response. We are

built up to hold aircraft and

helicopters as well.

How many years

service?

It will be in service for

up to 50 years.

The ship is powered

by two gas turbines and four diesel

engines, producing enough energy to

power a town the size of Swindon. It

accommodates up to 1600 people. How

do you feed that many people on

board?

We have 48 chefs. We hold

about 60,000 packets of bins. We can

go 45 days without resupplying.

What

about water?

The ship can produce

drinking water from the sea. We can

produce thousands of gallons a day.

What about the big day tomorrow, are

you nervous about cooking for the

Queen?

A lot of planning has gone

into it. I have a strong team of

eight chefs. She has salmon for

starter. Lamb chop and mixed bean

and sweet burnt orange tarte.

The

ship is home for the crew. This is

where they sleep. How many people

would share this deck here?

There be

would be six people in here. That is

your little home. The sacred place.

It's spotless. Does it is have to be

spotless?

It does have to be or we

would get into trouble if it wasn't

we clean every morning and every day

after work. People come down to make

sure everything is good.

I want to

know about bunks, I'm tall. Are they

long enough? No-one is in this one.

We will find out. Let's sea.

Here we

go. Oh, yes. It's nice.

Just about.

I've got room to spare up here.

Yep.

The ship also has its hospital ward,

operating theatre and five gyms.

That temporary blue flag is about to

come down for the last time. From

tomorrow the Queen Elizabeth will be

flying the white flag of a

commissioned Royal Navy ship. It's

been an aI mazing experience being

on board. She's a British

engineering marvel. What a

privilege. If you want to watch that

ceremony, it will be live on the BBC

News Channel at 11.00am tomorrow

morning. Dan has stowed away. Nick

Wallis is here to talk about Big

Lizzie as she is known by the Royal

Navy. She isn't ready for service

yet?

No she is seaworthy. She is an

aircraft carrier that doesn't have

planes yet. The Stealth fighters

which the Americans are designing

and building aren't quite ready yet.

They have been running over budget.

Huge delays in them being ready.

They don't test the plane on Big

Lizzie until next year. Given how

much testing, with staff involved,

she won't be put on deployment until

2021. There are criticisms about the

cost overrun on this ship and her

sister ship the Prince of Wales. Due

to cost £4 billion, current

estimates, £6. 2 billion. That is a

builder giving you a quote and then

saying 50% on top. There are

concerns it could be vulnerable to

attack. The Russians and Chinese are

developing new antiship missiles.

They this ship... There was a quote

made by the Russians the other day.

Stephen likes this. What was it they

said about the Queen Elizabeth.

It's

a large convenient naval target.

Very good.

That was Russian!

2021 is

a long way away. What will they do

with her in the meantime?

The

testing. So much training that is

involved in being able to make these

ships work in an operational

theatre. Especially when the planes,

which are new themselves, haven't

been landed on the craft. There will

be war games played before it can be

used. Four years does seem like a

long time.

It does.

It will be in

service for half a century. Once it

gets going it will be going a while.

Will is a beer.

I have hands on

carrier pale ale to celebrate Big

Lizzie. It is making me feel pretty

fighty. It's doing the job. The

world must crumble when it looks the

ship. Who is up for it these days?

The Russians. I'm worried.

It will

be served on board and tomorrow.

The

Queen might try it. 5p goes to the

Royal Navy and Royal Marine

charities as well.

Nice to see you.

Now imagine waking up one morning

to discover that Donald Trump has

sent you an angry tweet

that was read by something

like 40 million people.

That's what happened

to Theresa May - Theresa May

from Bognor Regis that is.

Here's what happened next.

Seaside towns and party political

conferences are linked. For some

reason up until now they have

completely bypassed Bognor Regis

here. Today, all that changes. We've

got a press conference taking place

right here. You may have read how

Donald Trump tweeted his annoyance

to the wrong Theresa May at the end

of last week, show how there is one

set of buttons he shouldn't be in

charge of. That Theresa May wants

her say. She is a single mum of

three and a qualified teaching

assistant. Before the conference,

I've been given a chance to a

private audience with the keynote

speaker. Theresa May, why have you

decided to hold a press conference

now?

I looked at my phone and there

was loads and loads of friend

requests and messages. There was 30

reporters on my mess injury.

Messenger. I'm not Theresa May the

Prime Minister, I'm Theresa May from

Bognor Regis. There is a difference.

If Donald Trump was sitting where I

am right now, what would you say?

Think before you tweet and look at

who you are tweeting.

We are very

close now to the start of the press

conference. I've emerged from the

press scrum that's building. It's

building behind us at the moment. A

lot of questions, a lot of questions

people have.

Good afternoon everybody and thank

you for coming. President Trump sent

me a tweet. I'm not the Prime

Minister, I am Theresa May from

Bognor Regis.

I would like Donald Trump to

acknowledge that he made a mistake.

He needs to clarify which Theresa

May is which to his Twitter

followers so that I can now get on

with my life. Thank you everyone. I

will not be taking any more

questions.

That is how you do a

press conference. Deliver your

message, get out. In the Bognor

Regis Post will you be demanding

answers from Donald Trump and

apology from him?

I will quote

Theresa May if she's demanding

answers.

That is what she wants.

What is your deadline today?

It's

not today. It's a weekly paper.

A

weekly?

Yeah.

What's next for Bognor

Regis' most important woman?

My

number one priority are my children.

Next year will be my year. It will

be the year that I get the job in

the school.

Big year.

That's my

year.

Listen it's been an absolute

pleasure.

And you. Lovely meeting

you.

My favourite press conference

ever.

Ah, thank you.

What a good

sport she was. We have tweeted her

statement to Donald Trump. We are

still awaiting a response. You never

know, we have three quarters of an

hour left. You quite like that?

I

thought it was fantastic to see her

sticking it back to him. Good girl.

Stephen, we will talk about your

latest project which we were lucky

enough to catch this afternoon. We

saw it. It's about the kind of the

world of the writer of more came and

Wise, this Eddie Braben. What a

character he was.

Yes.

A biopic

about him and his life?

It starts in 1969 after Eric had

suffered his first heart attack and

the writers have moved to America.

Eddie had just finished a 15 year

relationship with Ken Dodd so he was

available. A producer at the BBC was

trying to put the maverick together

which Eddie was not too keen on

because he saw Morecambe and wise as

two men who delivered their material

and there wasn't much of a

relationship but when you met them,

he said they were closer than any

brothers, and he said he wanted to

work on the character of Eric and

Ernie, and introduced them at home,

even to them being in bed together,

which emulated their comedy heroes,

Laurel and Hardy.

It was that really

intense relationship and

conversational style that was almost

born from him.

Absolutely. He felt

that Ernie didn't really have a

great character before then. So he

introduced the frustrated playwright

and the fact that Eric was the only

one allowed to sort of criticise him

and if anyone else did, Eric leapt

to his defence, and that is what the

nation took to their hearts, that

they were like two favourite uncles.

Every year, their followers got

larger and larger.

But the strain

told on Eddie himself.

This must be

a dream come true for you because

you were a huge fan.

I couldn't

believe my luck, really. I was one

of those kids that was so devoted to

them, I would learn all the people

that went in the credits, so Eddie

Braben was someone very familiar.

Let's just have a look at the moment

where you are trying to convince

Eric and Ernie to try something a

little bit different.

Talking to

that bloke there, not reach the back

wall of the Glasgow Empire. Lose the

performance, is what I'm saying.

Because if we lose that then we get

to you two, you see, and there's a

magic between you two. I didn't see

it before, but I do now. If you can

show that magic to the world, and if

he stays upright, I don't see what

can stop you lads. I don't see what

can stop you.

APPLAUSE

Unfortunately Eddie passed away in

2013, but you met his wife.

And it

was her idea, wasn't it?

Yes, Dee

Braben owned Eddie's state and our

producer went down and delivered the

script to him. I spent a nervous two

hour was walking round North Wales

while she read it unfortunately she

gave it her blessing.

It is very

much about their lives, and that

working-class background.

He worked

at a fruit and veg stall in St

John's market in Liverpool and

started writing jokes on paper bags

in between serving customers and try

to sell them to variety artists in

Liverpool.

You think of them has

been successful the whole time. Did

it come as a surprise to you when

there was a time that they were not

quite so famous?

They were

successful music hall act but it

never translated to television. They

described it as the box that buried

Morecambe and wise. Until Eddie came

along and develop this intimacy

between them.

He did so much work

with them. He had so much pressure

as their popularity grew, so he he

had the right best route is more and

more, and it did take its toll Lane

end.

It did. He was less all right.

He would take the night train, back

to Liverpool, the sleeper. And Eric

said that it was the worst job in

the world, staring at a blank sheet

of paper every day and come up with

those shows, and then as the shows

got successful, having to try and

better them every year, and we take

it up to the 1977 Christmas special,

the last one that they did for the

BBC, which got 28 million viewers!

That is like half the population.

I

was 12 at the time in my grandma 's

house in Stockton on Tees and were

20 people crammed round the

television set so you could double

those figures.

That was the

pressure. There was a moment when we

are all sitting here, now, entertain

us.

Yes, it sort of lifts the lid.

Anything that seems effortless

seldom isn't.

It is a beautiful

piece of television.

It makes you

proud to be British, it really does.

Eric, Ernie and Me"

is on BBC Four at 9pm on 29th.

As the governor will tell you,

no pub is complete without a dog

slobbering over a bag of crisps

in the corner, but what might be

entertaining for the punters,

isn't necessarily best for the pets.

Earlier in the year,

Miranda met some animals

so overweight they'd been enrolled

in a fit club.

But has it done the trick?

One third of all dogs and a quarter

of all cats are overweight. Six

months ago, The One Show met some of

the UK but Matt fatness pets at the

photo shoot in Derby for the PDSA

annual slimming competition. Today

I'm back in Derby to catch up with

three of the pets whose growing

waistlines cause their owners to

take action. It is time to find out

exactly how they got on and which

one will be crowned the winner of

the Pet Fit Club. Lola the rabbit

was eating a bag of carrots a day as

well as a rabbit food and was 36%

overweight. Barnaby the cat was

rescued with an age of leg and had

been spoiled with Greece ever since.

He was 65% over his ideal weight.

And Alfie the beagle love chips and

hated exercise which led him to

become 67% overweight. The even met

Nicola Adams and David Walliams

before starting his journey. They

have shown some of the most dramatic

weight loss in a competition but now

that time for the final weigh in is

almost upon us. Lola is a

continental giant rabbit, and her

ideal weight is 5.5 kilograms.

We

have the results. 5.6 kilograms.

What will see before?

7.4 kilograms

to start with.

That is a weight loss

of a quarter of her body weight,

4lbs.

We feel that when we are

feeding them we are feeding them

with love, so we're overfeeding

them, we are overfeeding them with

not just pet food but human food. We

are looking at the equivalent of two

cheeseburgers for a person. So,

treats should be treats, something

given once a month as a treat.

Carrots are no longer on the menu

for Lola. She has lost more weight

than any rabbit before her at Pet

Fit Club.

She runs around the garden

doing bunny hops now, and the bond

between us has got better. Would you

agree?

And a great result for

Barnaby the cat. He has lost 17

centimetres from his waistline with

a weight loss of 1lb 7oz. His owners

no longer share their dinner with

him and creep into lots of playing

and cuddles instead.

We are really

proud of Barnaby, not just for him

but for ourselves. There are other

ways of showing love, other than

food. Now there is just no going

back. He is a happier, healthier

contented cat.

At the start of the

competition Alfie the beagle weighed

an incredible 30 kilograms. What do

the scale say now?

19.7 kilograms.

That is a loss of ten kilograms,

more than 1.5 stone.

Well done you

for putting in order that legwork.

It must have been really tough with

those big beagle eyes. Alfie was

transformed from becoming out of

breath after walking five metres to

enjoying five mile hikes with owner

Emily.

More is more active, more

playful, he wants to play all the

time. It is all about just changing

our behaviour as well as changing

his lifestyle.

The winner of the

PDSA Pet Fit Club competition is the

pet that has lost the highest

percentage of their body weight. Of

Barnaby, Alfie and Lola, which will

be crowned the biggest loser? Drum

roll... The winner of PDSA Pet Fit

Club 2017 is... It's Alfie! Well

done, amazing! Pet Fit Club is all

about getting owners to realise that

truly loving your pet means not

feeding it take away is all too many

trees. So that they stay fit and

healthy to lead along a happy life,

we need to make sure that our pets

do as well. Let's welcome the PDSA

Slimmer of the Year, it is Alfie the

beagle! Look at the before and

after. It is brilliant. Are you all

right? He looks like a different

dog. And we have got Stef, his

owner, here, well. It is just his

eyes and his nose, and wagging his

tail away. Just a beautiful, big

dog. Was this quite a challenge for

you?

Not so much for Alfie because

he would do whatever we want him to

do. But for us it was difficult to

adapt our lifestyle to walking more

and feeding more. But the support we

have had from the PDSA and friends

and family has been second to none.

We couldn't have done it without

them, and this is the outcome. I

just want to encourage people to do

something about it. It has nothing

to be ashamed of. If you think

there's a problem then take your pet

to the vets.

Could go some way

towards increasing people's

awareness, a film like that, but it

is a huge problem that people don't

really know about.

It is an

ever-increasing problem, sadly.

Obesity in pets is one of the top

three animal welfare concerns. We

have an estimated 40% of pets that

are overweight at the moment. And,

alongside that we have 1.6 million

dogs and around 100,000 cats that

are not getting any exercise --

enough exercise.

Do people not have

a concept of how much they should be

feeding their dogs in 24 hours, they

give them dog food or cat food, then

they treat them on top of that, so

it all piles up.

Absolutely right.

First of all is to know your pet. To

know how much it should way. And

then to look at packaging food

guidelines and look at giving

something correctly. But treats are

the easiest things. This is what is

happening with this increasing

obesity problem. A treats should be

a treat that is given once abdomen

-- once a month, once every couple

of months. But what things to happen

is, and I hear it from many owners,

treats are given every day,

sometimes every hour, every day.

Then it is not a treat but part of

the daily intake. We have many

comparisons you saw before with

human food and animal is being fed

inappropriate diets as well. Three

cubes of cheese, if you give that to

your cat, and cats and dogs do love

cheese... Three cubes of cheese for

a cat is equivalent to meet eating

two cheeseburgers.

You couldn't do

that everyday!

If you are dog, same

thing, two big pieces of chocolate.

The big problem with obesity,

though, is the problem we have with

health care. At leads to diabetes

and heart problems. And we have got

to stop this.

The best treats you

can give our things to promote

exercise. Alfie will be delighted

with this. All of the King

graduation should go to Emily fall

of the hard work you put in. -- all

of the congratulation should go to

Emily.

Thank you.

We're going back to life

on the ocean waves now in a slightly

smaller ship than HMS Elizabeth.

No comfy bunks and no

fitted kitchens.

Right up there with the most

physical and financially demanding

jobs, sea fishing is not

for the faint-hearted.

The training reflects that,

as Lucy's found out.

It's 7:30am, 23-year-old Kieran

Gilmour from Manchester is heading

out on his daily lobster catch. And

under has experienced skipper he is

training to become one of the next

generation of British fishermen,

swapping life in the city for one on

the ocean. Kieran has picked an

interesting time for a career

change. The UK fishing industry is

in decline, but the number of

fishermen on UK vessels about half

of what it was in the 1980s.

As it

stands today we haven't got a trauma

working out of the port where is 20

years ago we had 24.

According to

one man at least, there could be a

boom on the way.

When we bit when we

leave the EU will become an

independent coastal state and we can

then extend control of our waters up

to 200 miles.

That makes finding a

new wave of recruits even more

important. The fishing industry is

very much looking for a return to

his heyday, if you like, so I'm keen

to find out how they feel about the

changes that Brexit could bring.

What on earth has made you forge a

career in this industry? It is hard,

it is called.

Demanding, yes.

A

little bit breezy, I have to admit.

Can you tell me about how it is, day

to day?

You work for 36 hours at a

time.

Some people would say...

Bit

too much.

Does your family worry

about you?

Yes, my Nan worries about

me.

That she? That is very sweet.

How many have you caught?

Eight

lobsters.

Are we happy?

Yeah, it's

good.

How do you feel about it, are

you looking forward to it?

Definitely. They took 100 trawlers

off this coast.

Who has?

Brussels.

You don't believe they have your

best interests at all?

Not all. We

are a nation of sea Fayers and

fishermen. We know what we're doing.

We don't want anybody from Brussels

telling us what to do. The EU's

Common Fisheries Policy allocates

strict quotas on it's designed to

keep fish stocks at sustainable

levels. One report found that 60% of

fish caught in British waters was

landed by trawlers from outside the

UK.

Veteran trawlermen like Arnold

Locker think Britain should be

taking a bigger share of the pot.

Sglm if you sweep away this

regulation through the EU, isn't it

putting the sustainability gains,

the bounceback with cod, isn't it

putting that at risk because you are

sweeping away this regulation?

We

have to be responsible for the fish

that is in our waters. I want to get

back to where it was. I want a

fishing community. I want guys to be

rewarded for the hard work. We will

be somebody again. We will be a

fishing town again.

That's why with

assistance from Government funding

Arnold helped to set up the Fishing

School. Kieran and 20 other young

recruits have been training for the

last 12 months.

There is a distinct

lack of young people coming into the

industry. We wanted them to have the

trying here in Whitby. The guys have

a very, very bright future, but it's

up to them.

What happened there? The

school's future could be in doubt

after it was told it no longer

qualifies an official apprenticeship

schemele, cutting off funding?

All

apprenticeships US must be applaud.

Ours are classed as non-employed

apprentices. We have had our

apprenticeship qualification taken

away. So now we are delivering the

qualification under the heading of

diploma.

When the Government is keen

to expand the industry, why are they

you cutting back on money available

for training? It's a question we put

to Michael Gove, he wouldn't come on

the boat.

Brexit will be good for

our coast al communities and fishing

industry overall. I'm committed to

making sure the resources there in

order to guarantee that the next

generation of those who want to go

to sea are supported to do so.

As

for life at sea, despite the choppy

political waters, Kieran and Mike

are happy with their catch.

12

lobsters. Not a bad day.

I think

it's fair to say that Michael Gove

didn't really answer the question

there.

Not really.

We have been told

by the authorities it's working with

the school to put long-term funding

in place beyond next year which is

when the current funding runs out.

Let's hope they can offer the case

for many more years to come.

Good

luck to all the trainees in Whitby.

They were going to come in tonight

they have exams tomorrow. Good luck.

We were talking about Whitby, both

from that area.

Yes.

You must have

gone there loads as a kid?

Definitely. For enormous fish and

chips.

That is what it's about the

fish and chips. Heartening to see

effort being put into the British

industry. No self respecting cod

wants to end up in France when it

could be in British fish and chips.

You have a special Christmas

special. You are making Christmas

special?

You can't say Christmas any

more these days, can you? You can't

even say Christmas, can you,

Stephen? You can't even say

Christmas any more. I'm doing my bit

to put Christmas back into Christmas

and make Christmas great again.

OK.

We have aened woerful little moment

from the show. Let's look at you

talking about Christmas trees.

Christmas trees are a beautiful

British tradition. Who else in the

world would cut down a perfectly

healthy tree and watch it slowly die

in your louge! They don't do that in

Belgium. Santa, Santa, he's British.

Of course he is. Speaks for himself.

He drives the sleigh on the left

hand side of the sky. Classic

British workers. Works the bear

minimum - one day a year. That's

right. It takes someone to point

this stuff out.

You can't argue with

logic like that, can you?

You have

some celebrity friends on the night.

Yes. It's - who is that of British

light entertainment. I have all

sorts of people of star, screen and

people you only see in a magazine.

Myleene is a top name?

That is the

top. We have everything. We have

Love Island people, nice for people

over the age of 23 who don't know

what they look like.

This comes from

a deep-rooted passion of yours. When

you were a young landlord what was

the best thing you got from Santa?

Keys my own pub when I was 18 years

old, I pulled my first pint and they

called me Golf nor. Beautiful

moment.

You have strong opinions as

well on Christmas lunch, don't you?

Trimmings. You have to have all the

trimmings, haven't you? You can't

have some, you have to have them

all. Turkey, pigs in blankets, roast

spuds, cranberry sauce. You have to

have sprouts. Are you a sprouts

person?

I love a sprout.

I knew you

would be. Are you?

Yes.

This country

didn't get great by eating sprouts

that people like.

You know they are

called "Brussels."

They are just

sprouts now.

That is the big

difference after wreck Brexit.

Any

vegetable that is best served

heavily boiled and gives you wind is

a perfect example of the British

tough spirit and the Dunkirk spirit

and the bulldog spirit that made

this country great. You can't argue

with that, can you?

Stephen what are

you doing this Christmas?

I'm going

to be away.

Where?

Yeah. You know...

I'm going to be in San Francisco.

How come, why?

I fancied a change.

Holiday.

I haven't had one for two

years.

Nice. We weren't expecting

that answer.

Do they have Christmas

there?

I'm not sure.

Check the

potatoes. Roast potatoes. I'm not

sure about that.

Is the pub open?

My

gaff is always open. For people to

get away from their families. 5.00pm

it fills up with people desperate to

escape their children. Or looking

for batteries.

Classic.

The worst

thing ever is when you get a present

with no batteries.

What's the point?

Exactly, what is the point. I don't

know if we have the answer for that.

That's philosophical for the One

Show. What is the point, ladies and

gentlemen.

Are you hoping for

anything in particular?

Peace,

goodwill to all men. A foot spa.

Have you done that thing...

You are

on your feet a lot.

Have you done

the thing with the fish.

No.

You

have, haven't you?

The thing with

the fish.

The fish nibble your feet.

I can't think of anything worse.

Oh,

my God.

We did it a couple of years

ago.

No.

You have these items you

forget them. You will have forgotten

about that dog in six weeks time.

Another dog in here who has done

something else amazing.

You can see

the governor make Christmas great

again on ITV, 9.00pm, December 22nd.

Following hot on the heels

of Derry/Londonderry and Hull,

the UK's new City of Culture will be

announced tomorrow

live on The One Show.

It's a title that's awarded every

four years with the winning city

taking up the crown in 2021.

And, as you'll imagine,

the competition is pretty tough.

Home to the second oldest football

club in the world, Stoke-on-Trent

could run circles around the

opposition. Created from six smaller

towns back in 1910 it punches above

its weight as the world capital of

ceramics. Swansea was beaten by Hull

in the battle for the 2017 crown,

described by Thomas as its ugly

town. It can still play girt dirty.

Coventry is the birth place of Saint

George and the dragon slayer. It has

realifier power. None as Britain's

Motor City the rest will have to go

full-throttle to catch it. Step up

Sunderland. Once celebrate withed as

the largest shipbuilding down in the

world and the inspiration behind

Lewis Carroll's Wonder land. It's

home of the electrical lightbulb.

They don't make them like that any

more. As the birthplace of the

Scottish hero William Wallis,

Paisley leads the charge north of

the border. Fay mouse for its

threads mills, it's not technically

a city, try tell to that Braefheart.

We'll be revealing the winner

at about 7.20pm tomorrow,

but what better way to get

the rivalry going than with

a contest of our own right now?

We have a publican

from each of the towns.

From Swansea, it's Allan,

landlord of the Brunswick Arms.

Flying the flag for Sunderland,

it's Bob, landlord of the Wolsey.

All the way from Paisley, it's

Lisa, landlady of the Wee Howff.

And on behalf of Stoke-on-Trent,

it's Paul, landlord

of the Holy Inadequate.

Welcome all.

APPLAUSE.

Our quizmaster of course

is our Pub Landlord.

Take it away Pub Landlord.

You have bells there. We couldn't

run to buzzers. Stand by.

Auto I will ask you questions. You

have a one in five chance to get it

right. If you don't know what

happened in your own city, what are

you doing here?

Which of your cities was awarded

the title of Europe's

best beach last month?

Swansea.

The correct answer. You have to be

quicker than that.

If you were going to the netty,

you'd be off to the loo

in which of our cities?

Stoke-on-Trent.

No, it's Sunderland.

You muppet. Unbelievable.

Listen up.

This is the Chuck Berry

classic "My Ding-a-Ling",

but in which city was it recorded?

It's got to be Coventry.

You're

absolutely right. Streaking ahead,

very impressive.

Bahookie is another word

for your bottom in which city?

Paisley.

Would you call it that?

Yeah.

Fantastic.

Which city has adopted this mascot

for its City of Culture bid?

Stoke-on-Trent.

Well done, Paul. Enormous rubber

duck. Look at the size of that

rubber duck, fantastic. That's the

brass band...

You need a big bath.

You need a really big bath.

Why a

duck?

Everybody says hey up duck.

Obvious when you know the answer.

It

is.

Which city

was once nicknamed

"Copperopolis" due to the huge

volume of the material manufactured

in the city?

Swansea.

On each of your tables

is a sandwich, have a taste

and tell me which of your cities

was famous for

producing the filling.

Paisley.

Fantastic.

Marmalade.

Marmalade by the famous

preserve makers Robertson's.

Do you want to finish your sandwich

or shall I ask the next question?

Which city was the first

in the world to get

a city centre IKEA store?

Coventry.

Is the right answer. It's close.

This is Eddie Hall,

the world's strongest man,

but which city does he call home?

Stoke-on-Trent.

Which city was the home of The Toy

Dolls?

Sunderland.

I have a

question.

We have a winner. And it

is Bob from Sunderland! No expense

spared, all in the house. Well done

to all our landlords, thank you.

Tune in tomorrow night to find out

what each of the final five walks

away with the big prize of the UK

City of Culture 2021. Look at these

spaces, which one do you think is

going to win, looking at these

spaces?

I want it to go to Paisley,

I think, yeah. Stoke-on-Trent.

There

is a pattern emerging here.

We're off to a city now that's

not on the shortlist,

but definitely isn't lacking

on the culture front.

A reputation that was helped

by a certain author and a rather

cunning publicity stunt.

Over to Cerys.

In 1981 book was published that

painted the city of Glasgow in a new

and intriguing light. It is now

regarded as one of the most

important Scottish novels of the

20th-century. Not bad for a writer

who was pretty much pronounced dead

17 years before its publication.

Your macro that was Alasdair Gray,

painter and writer. In 1964 the BBC

had what appeared to be an obituary

for one of Scotland's then leading

artists but more than 50 years later

this painter and author is very much

alive, so what was going on?

It was

the director's idea. It was not well

known. And why I was dead? Because

people are interested in dead

artists, Bordeaux.

It was all the

big hoax, and it tells you something

about Alasdair Gray's surreal and

playful character that just when

many people thought he was dead,

this unusual author was beginning

work on a novel that would reinvent

his career and change the face of

Scottish literature. It is a weird

and wonderful book, a classic

coming-of-age tale but with a twist.

It tells the tale of a young

Glaswegian artist, Duncan Thaw, and

his alter ego, Lanark, who suffers

from a mysterious disease and lives

in the imagine city of Unthank. It

is a deeply unsettling place.

When I

looked at them I saw the faces did

not fit. The skin on their skulls

crawled and twitched, like potatoes

with calling services punctured by

holes which opened and shut,

secreting sort, wax and is not.

It

is a nightmarish world, but also

strangely familiar. Many other

locations in the imaginary city of

Unthank are lifted directly from

real-life Glasgow, from the

spaghetti like tangle of motorways

piling through the city centre, do

this, the necropolis, were the final

apocalyptic scene of the novel is

played out. But this sweeping and

ambitious story was not easy for

Alasdair Gray to write.

I used to

hammer it out, I realised that I was

wanting to write an epic, that would

be to Scotland what Moby Dick was to

the USA.

In the book was released in

the 80s, Glasgow was in a depressed

state socially and economically, but

Alasdair Gray's reimagining of the

city created a cultural flowering

and paved the way for later Scottish

writers like Irving Welsh and Iain

Banks. Doctor Emma Lister has

studied the implications of this

ground breaking novel.

Id generated

an interest in Scottish writing and

Scottish fiction. We can see the

effect of that flourish.

This is

what Alasdair Gray is trying to do,

fire up the imagination of a city

that had been sleeping to this

point.

And what he wants from his

readers is for them to engage,

construct and create a new possible

imaginative Glasgow.

Over three

decades after Gray's reinvention of

Glasgow, Lanark has the power to

unsettle and inspire, a lasting

testimony to the imaginative powers

of its author, who are still

painting and writing, well into his

80s.

My aim in writing the book was

to entertain people. I don't think

people are entertained unless they

are stimulated into thought. I did

not know time as to land. Events

drift continually down over

landmarks, raising the level, like

snow. I have grown up. My maps are

out of date. Land lies over me now.

I cannot move. It is time to go.

We

are now here with Pete Tong,

everybody.

He is preparing to play

us out with the Heritage Orchestra.

This is an interesting concept that

started back at the BBC Proms in

2015.

What happened? We got this

crazy idea, that I want to correct a

prom, put one together, and I got

introduced to George, here, and he

luckily me about this, and we got

together and worked on it for a few

months, then we got to do this show.

Then after the show got backstage

and everyone was going crazy about

it, like, what was that? One of the

craziest things we'd ever done.

Social media snowballed. There was a

lot of demand to get out and do it

again. In the end it was sold out,

the Manchester Arena, the O2,

Birmingham, and we put an album out

and it got to number one. And here

we are two years later.

You have

toured around the world.

This yet

was about pushing further, we took

it back to Ibiza for the first time.

It was the 50th birthday of

marketing. We play to 6000 people in

Ibiza town, so it was spectacular.

We got to Australia at the beginning

of the month, we played Melbourne

and Sydney and finally, the

Hollywood bowl, which is where I

live now, so it was a home gig in

Los Angeles. It was where The

Beatles play, Jimi Hendrix, it was

crazy.

And now this new album, how

would you describe it? You've done

so much in your career. What impact

does it have on those people who are

listening to it, and what is it

doing to them?

Celebrating the Helen

-- the heritage of the music and

adding a bit of glamour to the songs

that were the soundtracks of peoples

lives, that have been going to club

since the late 80s. That meant a lot

to me to kind of big up how

important those were, those artists.

When I was making this album it

reached out to a few of the axe,

almost, like to get their

permission, to the likes of McVitie.

They were super supportive. It will

never be better than the original

but I wanted to create versions that

can complement and stand alongside

the original and that actually is

what happened with classical visit,

there are millions of versions of

the same composition and we have a

little bit of the spirit of that in

these songs.

We will let you get

ready. Thank you so much. They have

the Brute FLute, as it is known in

the orchestra.

And I have been going

back to the role of Iwan in art

along with Dennis Waterman and Nigel

Davies for the next 16 weeks.

Starting in January, and finishing

in June. Coming to a city near you.

Talking about 16 weeks, aren't you

trying to try to break the record

what has become the

longest-running...

? 78 weeks, I

think, yes.

Is it painting? What do

you do?

We discuss a painting, three

friends. They are Frenchmen, what

you expect?

French blokes discussing

a painting for an hour and a half?!

You're coming to see at?!

Thank you

both. This is almost always got time

for. Eric, Ernie and me is on BBC

Four at 9pm on the 29th.

Eric, Ernie and Me is on BBC Four

at TBC on TBC and Al Murray's Make

Christmas Great Again is on ITV

at 9pm on 22nd December.

Tomorrow night -

Masterchefs extraordinaire -

Monica Galetti and Marcus Wareing -

will be here.

But now, playing us out

with a medley of tracks

from their new Ibiza Classics album

with a medley of tracks

- it's Pete Tong and

the Heritage Orchestra.

Featuring Little Smith.

MUSIC: Galvanise by The Chemical

Brothers (orchestral remix)

# The time has come to galvanise.

# The time to has come to...

Galvanise.

# The time has come to...

# The time has come to...

# Push the button.

# My finger is on the button.

# I said my finger is on the button.

# And again, my finger is on the

button.

# The time has come to...

# Galvanise!

# Hey! Thank you!

CHEERING