12/08/2013 The One Show

on? Ages, have a break and put your feet up. But I won't be too long

because it is complicated. Where did he go? He has probably gone for a

walk in the beautiful countryside. What is the problem? We are not

live, are we? ! Hello. Welcome to the show -- One

Show. Listen, you are not doing this show, Dougie Cologne! That's enough.

Please yourself. It is not like you have any big guests on tonight,

someone fancy like David Walliams. He has given it away. Please

welcome, David Walliams! How are you? Welcome.You look so beautiful.

Have you ever worked with puppets? I would like to. But I used to watch

the Muppet show and I was very envious of the stars that got to

work with them. They are brilliant. Boy back row is the star of That

Puppet Game Show, the new Saturday night programme from the Jim Henson

company, -- Dougie Cologne is the star. I heard you made a mess of it

and you did not know who the president of the United States was.

I thought I was going to be sacked after that! You are known for all of

your physical challenges so we think this little clip will be right up

your stream. We are following Sean Conway, travelling from Land's End

to John O'Groats, and he is swimming all the way.

Imagine swimming for six or seven hours at a time, more than 20 miles

a day, the equivalent of a cross-channel swim. Imagine doing

that for two months whilst coming under attack from jellyfish. Sean

Conway's mission is to swim from Land's End to John O'Groats, 1000

miles. He set off from Cornwall five weeks ago and is currently somewhere

out there, in the Irish Sea. He hopes to be the first man to

complete this win. I met up with him as he came ashore for a routine

rest. Good to see you. This is the support vessel. That is Owen, head

of press, he is the crew capturing, and he is next to me making sure I

do not go off course, and then the skipper. We have been getting two

tides in the day, six hours of positive tide pushing you up the

coast, and six hours of negative tight, so the crew wake me up an

hour before we need to get into the take advantage of the tide. In the

dark, the jellyfish come to the surface so I have been stung. Sharks

also frequent British waters and that has made Sean and Little John

P. Every now and then, especially if it is overcast and all of a sudden

the sun breaks through the cloud and I can see this big black shadow

beneath me, and I worry but then I realised it is just my shadow!

vulnerable do you feel? There are times when the waves are so big and

the currents are so strong, I have no control. The current can drag him

away from his support vessel but the team's captain always stays with

him. The second day was scary, at the yacht could not get to us so

Sean was swimming for six hours straight without food and water, it

was freezing. The water varies from between 13 degrees and 16 degrees.

It is a massive difference. I can manage an hour in the water at 13

degrees before I need to eat a lot. I can do two at 13 Navy Party 16. I

was not naturally a confident child and I want to do these things to

prove I can do it -- I can do two hours at 13 -- 16 degrees. This whim

will only get tougher as he heads north. -- swim. The reality is not

pretty. It is cold and blustery, there are storm clouds. It is

absolutely freezing in the water. You could not pay me to do it.

David, is an experienced swimmer, we can hook up now with Sean who is in

Newcastle. I am incredibly impressed and people do not realise it is a

mental challenge as much as a physical challenge because you are

there day after day in the water with your own thoughts. Do you find

that tough? Incredibly tough, yes. I am just staring into nothingness

half the time and my mind is very imaginative! I have thought of lots

of crazy things. It is the cold as well. Being cold makes you very

miserable. How was the weekend for you? Because that was on Friday? The

weekend was hard. Straight after Dublin there is a big area of slack

water, big waves with no current, pushing me in any directions, so I

have been swimming in circles. It is great to reach land and have a bit

of a break. I am fascinated by that beard! I am guessing that is for

protection! A bit of drag! I am catching some plankton and things

like that! Another month and it will go. Good luck with the rest of your

adventure and let us know when you eventually get to John O'Groats.

Thank you very much for your support, Cheers. Thank you!That is

impressive. I feel like a wimp because I did 140 miles and he is

doing 1000! Annoying. Have you got more challenges to come? I will be

doing something next year but nothing big like that. There is

nothing more my body can do. have done your bit. Will the next

challenge involves smoking Matt Baker? -- involve kissing? I don't

remember that! Really? I have never forgotten that! I imagine it will at

some point. Of course. We will be talking to David about his new

sitcom in a moment. But first Larry Lamb is asking whether the history

books need to be rewritten. Modern Berlin is the other thing

political and artistic heart of Germany. The century ago, it masks

the fact that Germany was creating a military machine that directly

threatened Britain. By the summer of 1914, relations between the two

countries were falling apart and as tensions reached fever pitch, one

British man found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time, with

tragic consequences. Henry Hadley had carved a life for himself as a

teacher in Berlin. That August he was the victim of a fatal shooting.

But it was the circumstances and timing of his death which Mark is

killing out a significant. The story played out over three critical days

as the world counted down to war. On August the 1st, Germany declared war

on Russia and two days later, France. Berliners came here to there

main square, caught up in a wave of pack treaties. They sang the German

national anthem. A foreigner like Henry must have felt very alone. He

carried to pack and headed to the station. Everybody was going to the

same direction, France. The Germans were heading for war but Henry was

trying to escape it. He was travelling with his housekeeper

Elizabeth. My companion picks up the story of what happened next.

Elizabeth and Henry go to the restaurant car for something to eat

and it started to go wrong. Elizabeth wrote about this

afterwards and said the waiter was a long time serving and Henry was very

angry. The waiter said to him, you will have to think yourself lucky if

you get out of here safe tonight. There were several soldiers in the

restaurant car. It is like an implicit threat. He has had a big

argument and the waiter has said, you are annoying me and I have

German officers behind me. They returned to their seats. That is

when Elizabeth hears this bang and rushes out into the corridor and

finds Henry on the floor. Henry Hadley said, they have shocked me.

He also said, I am a gunman. The officer who shot him claimed that

Henry Hadley started to reach inside his jacket pocket almost as if he

was looking for a gun. At that point he thought his life was under threat

and he shoots. They were taken off the train. Elizabeth was arrested as

a spy and Henry was dead. Later that day, Britain declared war on

Germany. Henry Hadley dies at 3:15am on the morning of the 5th of August,

so three hours into the Great War. So sadly, he did become the first

casualty of the Great War. Henry died two weeks before the first

British soldier was killed on the battlefield. But if he was shot

during peace time and he then dies during the war, surely that could be

seen to be murder? In British eyes, yes, he was murdered, but as far as

the Germans are concerned, the lieutenant had nothing to answer for

in the terms of the death of Henry Hadley. He felt Henry was pulling a

gun and therefore could legitimately be shot. In fact the lieutenant was

promoted, he went up to a captain. Henry Hadley was brought to the

Protestant cemetery in Germany and buried in a pauper 's grave. With

the business of a war to deal with, Henry's Case dropped down the list

of British priorities. It was lost and forgotten until now. Richard

makes a compelling argument for Henry's death having been the first

British casualty of the Great War and I am sure historians will be

debating it for a long time, but whatever they say, it is sad Henry

died so unnecessarily and was forgotten for so long.

And the book containing that and many other stories - 'Meeting the

Enemy' by Richard Van Emden is out on 15th August.

Big day for you on Friday, your new sitcom will hit the BBC at 9pm

called Big School. Why did you set it in a staff room? Because it is

about teachers. Yes! Any reason?It is a love story between my

character, Mr Church, and Catherine Tate, Miss Postern. I am instantly

smitten with her having never had a girlfriend in my life and it is

about all the things that keep these you like a lift? In my car.

After-school? But to wear? To your home! A lift? Just a lift? Just a

guy giving a girl a lift. That will make a change for me having to wait

for the bus. Is there anything you don't know about France? I love it.

I have never been. Brilliant! Where does the inspiration come from and

why are you a chemistry teacher? love the film" remains of the day" .

It is about your relationship. A butler and a housekeeper who fall in

love but they cannot get together. I always thought, there must be a

comedy version. I was thinking for ages. I thought a school could be a

good place because there is no privacy at school. I also wanted to

do a love story because it is something you never get to do.

is, as you say, a brilliant cast. Catherine Tate is good. Phillip

Glenister is incredible, Frances de la Tour... Do you have to have them

on board what you are writing? helps. To get them on board early.

Catherine Tate, couple of years ago we did a read through when she was

fantastic. It needed to be me and someone else, someone like her, and

there aren't many like her. He must have been delighted. I was

thrilled, she is a brilliant writer in her own right, and she is a

brilliant comedian but also a fantastic actress. That is the hard

thing, right 's perspective, because where did you leave it? You already

have what you want, she may come up with ideas. She's very respectful,

but she had loads of great ideas for her character, and most of the time,

I said, brilliant. I will get all the praise! We were doing some

research into your old school days, and found out you were a bit of a

nightmare for your teachers and had to pay one of your teachers! I had a

metalwork teacher committee found really annoying because in

metalwork, I would just chat all the time. Look at you there!So I would

just chat, I just annoyed him. Strange, isn't it? Someone finding

the annoying! He used to pay any money to not say a word in double

metalwork, you would give me 50p if I got through the whole class

without uttering a word. I learned some good money but sometimes I just

forgot. What is this about the Navy party candidate? Well, we had a

school election, I was in the combined Cadet Force at the time, I

had a Navy outfits and I decided to stand as the Navy party. It was my

attempt to get some attention and be funny. I had all these policies, the

school him to be replaced by in the Navy, teachers to salute each other

in the corridor and say, hello sailor! Didn't go down that well.

You have, be done a lot of research for Mr Church, research into

chemistry, you needed that, because it was your worst subject in school.

It says you had 26% in chemistry. This was in February 1987. Very poor

effort, they say. The Mark speaks for itself. He should do better on

the combined paper! I had to take science is a combined paper because

I was so bad at physics and chemistry. Have you improved since?

We have a lab coat, I don't know if you can squeeze into that. Make your

way over here. This experiment, this has been... You might have the wrong

one! There we are! Live television! This has been offered to us by the

Royal institution, and it is science gone mad. But the safety goggles on.

Can you tell us what the catalyst is? It is a substance that changes

other substances without its chemical formula changing itself.

That is what they just told me! is hydrogen peroxides? Well, it just

has more oxygen, which makes it an stable. Brilliant! Stand-by, this

experiment is called Elephant 's Toothpaste. We will find out why.

off that! That was a bit more dramatic than I thought! That was

incredible. Big School starts on Friday 6th of August. Rescuers,

the Irish is the Isle of Man. The island is made up of a range of

habitats but despite this, few large land mammals make it their home. No

badgers, no foxes. Not even any deer. There is one, though, and that

is what I have come to see. This animal was never meant to be here at

all. It should be 10,000 miles away in the Australian scrubland.

Bizarrely, what I'm here to find his wannabes! They are native to

Australia and Tasmania but occasional sightings do occur in the

British Isles due to S KP is from wildlife parks. There have been

sightings across England, including Cornwall, the pig district and

Ashdown Forest, but there is no evidence of them having bred in any

of these locations. -- the Peak District. But here, wannabes are

flourishing. It is the only place in the northern hemisphere where a wild

wallaby population is self-sustaining. The local wildlife

Park had a collection of them, suffered damage during a storm, and

half a dozen of them managed to escape. Is there a publishing

estimate? Would be 70 two 120 in the wild. What has enabled them to

thrive? This is similar to their natural habitat back in Australia

and Tasmania. We have very few predators so there is nothing to

take them. With a booming population, my local guide takes me

into the wetland area to try and find them. And it doesn't take long

before we start seeing signs they are here. Here we have an area where

they have chewed off the mark, they have quite large incisors,

particularly on the bottom jaw. also find footprints and drop things

around every corner. They are definitely here somewhere. But the

environment helping them to thrive is not helping us to spot them. Who

could be ten metres away from one and we don't know it! -- we could

be. I have never been to Tasmania exciting. The first thing that

strikes me is these amazing is. They are like satellite dishes, just

swinging round. That is great! It is not unusual to see a wallaby on --

alone like this as they are solitary Fabulous. Before long, we got our

second sighting. You can see what they are called rednecks, because

the fur around the nape is orange, a russet colour. It is our twitching,

trying to get rid of the images bothering it. Over a few hours I see

more and more of these fabulous animals. That is number three. Four

today. With wallaby numbers growing, there is a worry they will start

overgrazing but current monitoring suggests that so far there has been

no negative impact. There is obviously plenty of food for the

wannabes here. This one is quietly sitting in the grass, chewing the

card! Our footage and filming from other wallaby trackers has proved

the publishing is healthy and expanding. At the start of the day,

I would have been happy with just one sighting, but we have seen 13.

It is way beyond any expectation. It is great to know that the Isle of

Man has proved such a perfect home Wallabies on the Isle of Man! On

Saturday night, a bunch of puppets took over the nation 's TV screens

on That Puppet Game Show. The host is dodgy cologne, welcome back.

Hello, hello. I didn't mean to steal your TV wife! Lets get back to your

show. If people didn't see it, what is it about? 2-macro celebs, they

compete in some games, the winner gets �10,000 for a charity. Next

Saturday you have Gary Lineker and Freddie Flintoff playing a game that

involves collecting bird droppings. They do, sort of, heard eggs, there

they are. There are the birds. What they have to do is mimic the bird 's

calls that they heard earlier on. That is our nature expert, Jake. He

is in a bungee, he is yelling. at the end of every programme, you

have a game called Life's A Speech, which I took part in, very difficult

game, as we find out now! Explain the rules. This game belongs to our

showbiz expert, we show you a speech on autocue, you have to read it

out, easy, but we remove some of the words and you have to fill in the

Lancs. Can you do that, David Walliams? I will try. I win �10,000?

No, but you can win these! Marvellous. I'm ready. You are live.

I am delighted to be here today Poland? I insulted a load of people

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 47 seconds

do? I think he got three, not that. -- not bad. Difficult, isn't it?

is, because the questions get harder. Helsinki, I am sorry.

Finnish viewers will not be upset! The next episode will be on Saturday

night. We have a little something for you here, David, that money

cannot buy. We know that you were a stark Cubs out as a young lad but

there was one badge that eluded you. The sports badge. I couldn't jump

high enough or run fast enough. that to one side. Considering all

your sporting achievements, it is pretty unbelievable. We phoned the

Scout and they sent us this. Taking into account David 's incredible

sporting achievement since leaving the Scouts, the time has come to put

right the fact that he did not get his thoughts badges as a scout. We

are awarding him the badge tonight, he has really earned it. Here it is!

The Cub Scouts Sports Enthusiast Badge. You can put it on the suit