13/01/2017 The One Show


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Hello, welcome to the one show with me Angela Scanlon and my guest


presenter tonight, the perfect antidote it the cold, miserable


weather outside, the pub landlord himself, Mr Al Murray!


APPLAUSE Thank you. Thank you, my people.


Calm yourselves. We will have a sizzling performance from an artist


we will hear more from in the future, the winner of the BBC sound


of the 2017, Ray Black and get this, she's written the funkiest song ever


about Catford. How many are there, do you think? I don't know, this is


the funkiest. Great. She is outside with her band keeping warm until her


performance later on. Let us in! She's not coming in and our sofa


guest tonight is pleased he's not going out. Oh, yeah! It's Lee Mack!


APPLAUSE Thank you very much. Hello. Thank


you. Welcome to the one show. I always forget when I come on this


show that you're in the window and people are passing by. I feel I'm


relaxing too much at DFS. Lie down, feel free. We've got a sale on.


These sofas are a bargain. A great show, but they do look cheap, let's


be honest. It's Friday the 13th. Do you get superstitious? I'd forgotten


that. Now you've got me worried my sitcom is going out tonight. No, I


don't have any of those. More on that later, or maybe not. So far


Friday the 13th hasn't been lucky as far as weather is concerned. Joe and


ewe win are tracking the -- Iwan are tracking the snows and the storms.


The M 62 rises to 1221 feet in the Pennines at junction 22. That means


it's very, very exposed to some of principle's worst weather. Andrew


has a great job title, severe weather manager for the whole of the


North West. How many salt spreaders will be out this evening? 30 on the


go. 30? Throughout the North West region, yeah. That seems a lot. It


is, yeah. But that's what we need to get everywhere done in two hours. We


try to keep it the best at all times. We have vehicles ready to


move any incidents out of the way. Later I join traffic officers Colin


and John. People think that there's a about the of snow, but I'm all


right, it will be OK. Still they proceed at 70mph and the next thing


they know, they can't cope with it. From CCTV it looks as though you


have two vehicles... It's not long before the patrol gets their first


emergency call on a neighbouring motorway. He's a bit stressed


because it's his first ever accident. So it's just a case of


keeping him together and keep talking to him and making sure he


doesn't deteriorate at the moment. Just about to come off at junction


there. It just happened so quick. All the cars were like backed up.


Slammed my brakes on and I kept skidding and skidding. Went into the


back of him. There's no suggestion the driver of this car w breaking


the law. -- was break being the law. Though driving at the speed limit


can be testing in these conditions. This is Essex. People here are being


evacuated this morning because of a severe flood alert. Hello, Sir. Are


you staying put? No. What have you done? Everything off the ground?


Yeah. Can you show us? Do you think that's high enough? Yeah, because


it's hollow under here, most of us will run through the bottom. With my


help and that, I'm going to make sure I'm out. Good, let's get you on


your way. This is Henry. Hello, Henry. This is Alfie. Are you


evacuating them today? Yeah, hence I've put them in the trolley. What


due feel you had to bring with you? Brought my valuables, my paperwork


and stuff. You're prepared to leave today? Yeah, I'm worried about them.


Myself I'm not too worried about. I float like a brick, I'll be all


right! These buss are going past, they're there to talk you away. Do


you not want to go? No. Why not? No. I don't want to leave my house. Seen


it all, so the building is still there. The building is There Must


ing -- is still there. You're knocking on every door? Yes,


seeing who's there, advising them. I don't know if you've seen the


weather report, that's changed. Potentially it will be scaled down,


but we will be here. We don't know what the midnight tide will be. We


were told severe flood alert, now it's gone away this afternoon.


What's going on? Thankfully, on the first tide today, we're seeing that


the wind hasn't rammed up quite -- ramped up quite as much. We're


asking people to be careful. Tonight, we have another tide coming


in. That looks higher than the one at lunch time. There is still a risk


to life. Good luck out there. Here's hoping everyone stays safe tonight


and over the weekend. Now Lee, this is the eighth series of Not Going


Out. Is that right? It is, yeah. We've had ten years and we've had a


couple of years off. One out of choice, one out of cancellation. But


we won't talk about that. LAUGHTER


Are you over it yet? I am, it was many years ago. I'm not bitter.


That's a lot of stories to come up with. What happened was, for the


first seven years, the story was man fancied landlady. Then this year, we


change today to man is married to landlady with seven children - three


children, sorry! I was with an Irish woman, I forgot how many kids I had.


LAUGHTER Seven years later but with three


children. Why seven years? Because I wanted to replicate my three life. I


am married with three kids. Someone said have a baby in one series and


another one. But then I thought we might get cancelled again. So let's


hit the ground running. Let's not take any chances. When I'm at home


and having a row with my wife or the kids, instead of getting angry like


I used to, I get the pen and note pad out, I go, thank you, I'll have


that. Middle of making love, you know... Oh! Thank you. I'll use


that. How does that go down? Not very well. That's not the joke I was


going to do when you said that. You can pay me later. Let's have a look.


We haven't had a single night away Just the Two of Us. So. That's your


choice as much as mine. No, it's not. Do you remember what I asked


for on my last birthday. Not this again. The orient express is


expensive. The next best thing is not Pizza Express. And you know it's


not just about the money. OK. Soy don't like leaving the kids with


other people. I want to be near them in case they need me. Mummy there's


a burnt bit on my toast. Well phone Social Services.


The thing that really stands out about Not Going Out is it's full of


jokes. Yeah, who would have thought that in the modern age. It is true.


There's a lot of single camera realism and naturalism and


fortunately, I don't have any choice because I'm not what you call an


actor. Instead I thought I'd do loads of jokes and have a studio


audience instead. Kind of American style. Yeah, that was the idea. They


said you have to have a joke a page, when you're doing a sitcom. I


thought that was a lot, but it's not. It's a treat when you are


watching it, because it's an assault of jokes, in the best possible way.


Biggest back-handed compliment in my life. An assault of jokes. They just


keep coming. They're endless. If you don't like one, there's another


round the corner. If you don't like that one, there might be another one


round the corner. Fingers crossed. No, there is a lot of jokes. We try


to put in as much as we can. Is there a big team writing? Over the


years, we've tried different ways of doing it, it's still down to me and


two others to write the bulk of the main scripts. Then we have gag


writers who give it a polish. A lot of domestic situations, but a bit of


fantasy thrown in. You got to live out your celeb crush maybe. We made


a rule that everything has to be based on a true story this year,


that has happened to a writers. That worried us. But does your wife know


you've given us this story. He goes, no. Well, the rule is, if your wife


doesn't like it, you're not going to believe this, by coincidence Lee has


this with his wife as well. Thank God I'm not saying that live on the


One Show! The idea is we tell true stories. My wife and I are obsessed


with people who play the hot tub fantasy date game. Who would you


like to hot tub with, you know, that's not what you're really


asking. We know what the question really means. What do you mean? We


could explain it! The idea is that people will say who they'd like to


spend the night in a hot tub with. In the show I say ex-(DEEmma Bunton


and she -- say Emma Bunton. And she said yes. When someone suggests


that, you're going to say yes, aren't you. Definitely. Yeah. First


choice, well, fourth choice of the Spice Girls.


LAUGHTER But you know, after B and C, and


Posh had turned you down, you're down to Bunton. Aren't you. Did she


make up for it. I didn't say Sporty. No, they're all fantastic. I had met


Emma before. She said, I like your show. Right do you want to be in it.


Got to be careful if you say that, I will put you in it. Didn't she say


that the other Spice Girls don't like it. Well, she made it clear,


no, they made it clear. The kids in the show, what's it like working


with children? Up to now, it's been about adults and adult interaction.


It's odd because I've got three kids in real life. You spend the morning


getting them to school and the stresses of everyday life. You go to


work and you spend all day with somebody else's kids all day. By the


end of the day I'm a nervous wreck. Genuinely they're more experienced


than me. They've done more different shows than I've done. They're great


kids. They're all on the ball. They all know their lines. It's


embarrassing. You didn't want to use your own children then? Definitely


not. Can you imagine anything worse than bringing your kids to work. You


wouldn't bring them to the One Show. No, no. Being in showbiz is about


getting away from your kids. You never stop touring, you know Y


Absolutely. Get out of the house. Are your kids funny, though? They


are, yeah. One of them told me a funny joke. I might have to edit it.


It's safe. It wasn't safe when he told me. He likes telling old jokes.


I like trying to guess the punch line. What's brown and sticky. I


said a stick. No, poo. LAUGHTER


I'd like to point out that's not quite what he said. Thanks for


sparing us. Not Going Out is going on tonight, 9pm on BBC One. Someone


who could deliver quicker balls than Lee can deliver the gags was Fred


Trueman. Here's his son Rob, who talks about growing up with a father


few could call modest. My dad was a Yorkshireman through and through,


the greatest fast bowler that ever drew breath. His name was Fred


Trueman. He was the first cricketer to take 300 Test wickets.


COMMENTATOR: That's it! He's got it. 300 Test wickets. Batsmen were


terrified of him. COMMENTATOR: He's caught behind.


Freddie was a great cricketer. There's no doubt about that. It was


a gentleman's game when he started his career. Of course, Freddie come


off an humble background. Granddad worked down the mine. He loved


cricket. He found of all the local children that Freddie had talent and


he found a way to push him in the right direction. When dad won his


Yorkshire cap he did a fine thing and brought it back to give to his


father. Granddad welled up and said he would keep it all his life. Two


years later, dad came back with the England cap. Granddad said, "You can


keep that son, I've got the only one that matters." The Yorkshire cap was


buried with my granddad. Joo my nickname was given to me by press


critics, radio and commentators. I'm firery on the cricket field because


I like to winment Dad was blunt and direct. Even today I meet people who


he offended. Dad's principle was to be honest and tell people what he


thought. Fred was accused of Jack of lad. -- Jack the lad, but he wasn't.


Out here, the middle, he played hard, but fair. He played within the


laws of the game. So many times dad was wrongly accused of bad


behaviour. I think the bad boy image stuck because dad really wasn't one


of them. He wasn't part of the establishment. He wasn't the sort of


person to pander to people. He loved Scarborough. This is where we lived.


Happy memories. A have a sister Karen, twin sisters. He was a lovely


and devoted dad. This is where we saw the softer side. Mum hated the


long cricket tours. When I was eight, they split up. When you're


married to a famous person, everyone expects it to be absolutely out of


this world and marvellous, you have a car to drive. You have a nice


house and nice clothes. You go to famous places and meet famous


people. But that isn't all. That isn't the end of it. You can also be


a very lonely person, on your own, while your husband is thousands of


miles away. In the evenings, after they split up he would come back and


see me. Dad used to tuck us into bed. Can you imagine, we really


missed him. Me and my sister used to turn around often and retrace his


steps on the carpet. On occasion, dad would come to school to watch us


play cricket. I was bowling in the nets. Dad came over to me and said,


"Son, you're trying to bowl too fast." I said, dad, I thought you'd


want me to be like you. "No, I had a God given talent. You haven't got.


It" I was so relieved. Thank goodness I didn't have to play


cricket. Freddie had a sense of mischief. He used to wait for the


opposition's opening batsman. As they came out through the gate, he


used to say, "Don't close that gate, because you won't be long out here."


touch he had a mixed relationship with his club but on retirement he


was presented with a silver platter and Yorkshire County Cricket club


could not be bothered to get it in grade. He had to pay for that


himself. When I give the radio -- the reading at Freddie 's funeral,


ten years ago, I said then that Freddie was a genius and I don't use


that word lightly. I put him at the side of Muhammed Ali and Pele. Some


of the most precious times I had with dad were in the car. When I


feel like I am really missing him, I will take out his CD so I can hear


his voice. As we say in Yorkshire, if I had my time over again, I would


do the same things in the same way. You're not a cricket fan but you are


a fan of Fred Trueman. I love a programme called Indoor League. I


have a DVD of it. It is all indoor pub sports. We will have a look. See


that, cracking! Who ever said that the place of a woman was in the


kitchen? That is it for this week. He has got the paint and the pipe,


that was children's television! Someone said, we might have to move


that! What is it that you like about it? I grew up in a pub. I would love


to be a sportsman but I am not good enough but I am good at the indoor


sports. Let's put you to the test. We have created our own version, it


is called The Not Going Out-door League. You will go up against our


very own Pub Landlord. First up, we have got a game of table skittles.


Tell us how we play this. You stand here. I will go first. Hold the ball


and throw it that way. Is this a toilet chain? It could be. Over


here. Don't touch what you can't afford! Three, not bad, but not


enough. Come on, leave. I appreciate what you suggested, but you made a


schoolboy error. You need to place it slightly to the right.


APPLAUSE. You cannot argue with that. I'm not sure how we are going


to figure this out. Let's go with it. 1- 02 Al. We have to play clean


on the one show. Next up, we have at game called Toad in the Hole.


Chrissie, you are at the landlady of the The Volunteer in Lewes. We play


this every Monday night. What are the rules? Basically, you touch your


toad onto the lead and you score a point, touch it into the hole and


you score two points. If it hits the back, you get no points. OK. What if


it hits on the back. Because it hits the back. Any tips? Bounce and


flick. Lead bounds and flick. That was good advice! It does fit in


the hole. I will never win at this. It didn't touch the back. That is a


draw. Let's just keep playing. It is arm wrestling. This is the ultimate


game. Can I stop you there? I have done in my back, I can't do it. Can


I point out, I love how you are actually taking it seriously? He is


too big to turn upside down! Do you mind if I use a volunteer. He can


represent me. This lady is looking strong but I think I will go with


this gentleman here. My name is Stephen Kirlew. I am the ten time


British arm wrestling champion. What! Lee Mack! Here we go. Five


seconds. I'll see what I can do! I will count you down, five, four,


three, two, one. That is it, you won. Time to continue our


alphabetical food journey around the UK. Six letters down already which


means that Ricky is up to G. Mild by mile and letter by letter, I am on


an alphabetical odyssey putting together my a to Z of UK food. There


are some great suggestions for G. Including the Gravesend Gypsy Tart.


I like the suggestion that I head overseas for a channel Island treat,


the Guernsey bean jar. Islanders have been enjoying this cheap stew


for centuries. They say there is no definitive recipe. The traditional


Guernsey bean jar, haricot beans, ham hock and an onion. Every family


has a recipe. Why are we in a bakery? Housewives used to make


them. My grandfather used to put them in the oven overnight. Sunday


morning, they would come back around to the bakery, bean jar was the


traditional breakfast. People are passionate about it. Some people say


you should have carrots, other say you should not. Are you a carrot man


or not? I will not admit to it. You don't like the bean jar? Not at all.


I want to change his mind and I'm relying on the butchers, bakers and


cider makers to help me do it. My quest for the ultimate Guernsey


recipe starts with which Jason Hammond. You can put in anything,


beef, bacon... Big all go into my bag. Next stop is the herb farm to


give my brew a distinctive injection of flavour. You have come to the


right place, we have coriander, dill, parsley, sage and chives and a


lot of basil. Are you a carrots are no carrots man? I am not a carrots


man. I follow my mother 's recipe. Definitely no carrots. With the


prize and parcel of parsley it is time to move on and I am starting to


think, this traditional dish could do with a splash of something a bit


special. I heard you with a man to come and see about cider. I have


plenty. This is our traditional cider, people use it quite a lot for


cooking. It should add sweetness. As they head to my final stop, I need


to make the big decision. Vegetable grower Terry has a great selection


of carrots but do I include them? I think it will give it a better


taste. If few local carrots. You grow carrots. Of course! Ingredients


collected, it is time to prep and put them in my part and I have come


up with at canny compromise for carrots. I will leave them a whole.


If you don't like them, you're not trying to fish them out, and if you


do like them, you have a lovely whole carrot to eight. My bean jar


goes into the oven overnight. The next morning it is time to see if I


have done Guernsey growers proud. That is right up my street. Tasty,


wholesome, the smoked bacon and cider work a treat. I am a fan, but


what about the Guernsey people? That is good. That is really very nice.


An element of sweetness and fruitiness. I love it. It is very


nice, very good. It is a winner. The real test is bean jar dodger Martin.


After all these years, I have to say, it is not half bad. That is the


Guernsey bean jar on my map. Kitchen table. I need a bigger map. I had on


my way now, where I go next as always is up to you. It's time to


meet 60s!. She has won the BBC Sound of 2017. -- were you surprised to


win, this is a fantastic thing to have happened -- Ray Blk. I feel


like I'm in a dream. Your sister is a big fan of your music. No, she


will tell you that she is now, but one we were growing up she told me


to keep quiet, I was making too much I and could not saying. We are here


now. Good luck with your show at the village Underground in London on the


27th. Your mini album Durt is out now. We will let you get on with


preparing for your performance. Good luck tonight with 'Not Going Out'


tonight. Good luck with your stage debut with The Miser with Griff


Rhys-Jones which is also coming up. And now here is Ray Blk with My


Hood. Have a great weekend everyone. # Socks and sliders


everywhere and every day. # Full English breakfast


at a caff, not a cafe. # No, no, baby, we don't let


strangers come our way. # But you should come


to my hood, my hood, my hood. # Meet me at Morley's,


best fried chicken is in South. # I'll show you gangsters,


don't you go running your # Mopeds are racing,


2AM outside my house, oh yeah, it's # But come to my hood,


my hood, my hood. # Oh, you should come to my hood,


my hood, my hood, my # You should come to my


hood, my hood, my hood. # We're chasing paper then


Blue Borough should be green. # I won't lie, finding


a way out is our dream. # But you should come


to my hood, my hood, my hood. # Top floor of Pepys estate,


we'll show you our world. # That building turns


you to a woman from a girl. # Now time to stop, life flashes


past you in a whirl. # But you should come


to my hood, my hood, my hood. # There's no place like home,


no place like home. # Buy me any ticket,


I don't wanna go. # To a town where there's


no one like me round. # You should come to my


hood, my hood, my hood.


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