14/10/2016 The One Show

That short cut from London zoo worked brilliantly, didn't it?

Hello and welcome to The One Show with Alex Jones.

And we've let him out of his cage once again.

Lovely to be here. Tonight's knows his way around a banana.

Terrorising inadequate restaurateurs and hotel owners.

But that's nothing compared to how scary he is first thing

in the morning when he's waking up his kids.

You look like a very pregnant Minnie mouse. I don't like them wasting

time in bed in the morning. Tilly is the worst. Port Tilly. I like being

up early in the morning. I like when they are up as well. When I'm up,

they have to be up. You must be a super annoying dad? They love it.

They are grumpy for 34 minutes. Come on, we'll go for a swim. That's go

for a run. Is it a different costume every morning? A snare drum in the

morning is brilliant. Come on, Tilly. Time for the drum lesson. You

are known as an embarrassing dad the world over by now. We did hear of

good authority that you were kicked out of eight teachers evening for

asking for a selfie with a headmistress. We were asked politely

to leave. You wouldn't kick someone out by asking them politely to leave

but others do. I don't know if you'd been to parents evening. They get,

not long winded, but they asked if you need to break the ice. I asked

the headmistress for a selfie. I have agreed to go and be the chef of

the school for dinner for the next term. Fingers crossed!

If there was a Pointless question to name a famous date in British

history then you wouldn't do very well if you went for 1066.

And as everyone knows, it was the last time the English

were conquered by an invading force, but tonight, Dan may be

Yes, I am on the famous battlefield with over 1000 re-enactors. Later on

I will be speaking to the Duke of Normandy and King Harald tonight is

not just about the Battle of Hastings, it is about Battle of

Tastings. All centred around one of Gordon's recipes. First here is my

take on one of the most epic stories in British history.

950 years ago, three warlords fought for the throne of England. It

culminated in a brutal battle near Hastings. It is one of the most

significant dates in British history. The West Coast is the hard

coast. As long as we get that sorted. Using 150 metres of rope and

chilly volunteers, I will show how the events of 1066 came about.

Gather in. Who fancies being some Vikings? Saxons? Good, you all

right? Coats off, please. Let's get into our armies. Very good. At the

start of the year, the sky, Edward the Confessor, is king.

Unfortunately for him he died on January the 5th, leaving no children

and no obvious heir. Up stepped the powerful and popular nobleman,

Harold governance in. But, over here in France, he was not a popular

choice with this guy here, jig William of Normandy. William had

been distantly related to the old king, Edward the Confessor, and he

claimed Edward had promised him the throne on his death. He was furious

and he started plotting his revenge. That he wasn't the only disgruntled

warlord out there. Up here, in distant Norway. The English are a

bit nervous now. There was another man, King Harald had RADA. This

mighty warrior believed that he should be the king of England. He

assembled an army of around 11,000 Vikings. In early September ten 66

he led his men across the North Sea in a bold attempt to stake his

claim. He landed here in East Riding of Yorkshire. As soon as King Harald

heard about the invasion and he gathered his men together and set

off to the north. They managed to come 185 miles in five days. Moving

so fast that by the time they arrived in Yorkshire they took the

Vikings by surprise. Both sides formed shield walls. Then the

English closed in for the kill. Very good, very good. Hadrada was killed

and the few remaining survivors slunk off back to Norway.

But now came some bad luck. William of Normandy chose that moment to

invade. Even though Harold and his men were exhausted from their battle

appeared in Yorkshire, he had no choice. He had to lead them all the

way back down to the south and fight. Wright, shield wall. Here we

go everyone. Harold's troops arrived six miles out of Hastings on 13th of

October ten 66. Just after dawn, on October 14, the battle began. --

1066. A rumour went through the French ranks that William was dead.

Many started to retreat. Excited, some of the English chase them down

the hill. Out of the shield all they were isolated and cut down. But

William was not dead. In the charges that followed, and the follies of

arrows, King Harald was killed. Apparently struck by an arrow in the

eye. William and the Normans had one.

William became William the Conqueror. He was crowned on

Christmas Day 1066. With him came French laws, customs, language, even

food. At the northern invasion of 1066, dashes of the Norman Invasion

of 1066 deal shapes the way we live today. What a view! I am not sure

all of that was historically accurate. Some of the T-shirts were

not historic. Other than that, we learned a lot.

We'll be back with Dan later when the Saxons will have a chance

to beat the Normans for once, all with the help of this.

Your cookbook, Bread Street Kitchen, is all about kitchen food. What is

the difference between restaurant food and kitchen food? Not a lot. It

was a bit like the With A Cafe in the early days. Making the same sort

of dishes. What would be the difference between a gravy and a

jus? It is the same thing really, a gravy.

Taking everything home and cooking with the kids is manageable, without

getting overstressed about the decor. It is a beautiful book. We

like the colour. That is not essential. Is that all you have to

say, about colour? There is a thing about making your bacon platter? Are

you thinking bacon is not flat enough? It depends which peak you

buy from. -- which pig. This is the result on the table. We have a

nightmare on the One Show. That is not too bad. You want to render the

fact down. Crank the other an up and get it nice and hot. The people who

have done that did not expect the critique. You need to have a lot of

time on your hands to make flat bacon. I want to get rid of the

white fat so it looks more manageable. On American television

you see a lot of this. It is genuinely addictive. Not so much on

British TV. Any chance we might see you on a newly long-running Channel

4 television show? We are talking to the BBC. Are we talking to BBC? Tell

us more. Are you making Gordon Ramsay Britain's batters bacon? I am

gutted. Mortified. -- fattest bacon. Channel 4 do a great job. It needs

Mary, the Queen of bacon. Who would you team up with? Mary? I can

imagine it. I am enjoying this. It is the last season. Channel 4 next

year. You are chatting to the BBC about something. Something to do

with Mary. Stop it. Next item. It is. Show me some food. Let's talk

about some spiced carrots. Bread Street Kitchen is out on Thursday.

Gordon, what's your ultimate song to cook to?

Depends who you are with, family wise. Not Angels? No, definitely not

when I am with Tilly. Well, here's Carrie with the story

behind another band who you might I Predict A Riot is the signature

tune of Kaiser Chiefs. It sums up their successful relaunch having

tried to top the pop charts and failed. They started life as a

rather obscure indie band. We are very excited. I quit my job. When on

tour. Took a year to make a record. All the things you shouldn't do. It

was great. Then the record company had their funding rules. And so it

just disappeared overnight. While we were on tour. Instead of giving up,

the band decided to start again from scratch. The plan was to not play

any of the songs and change the name. Do it all as if we have just

met. Having been reinvented as Kaiser Chiefs, they took on

part-time jobs to fund a rehearsal schedule. Nick was DJ in quite a

lot. I was working in bars pretty much every night. We would drive

home. People were in the street fighting. Police were blocking the

road. Those images were just in my head. It was a world we were

inhabiting. It is something we saw every night and something that was

not touched upon in many songs. So it became the basis of an idea. One

of my biggest memories of it is playing it. The verse. Everything

apart from the chorus. Playing it around and around and around. When

we ever going to be not playing this song? I remember saying, it's a good

song. The chorus was inspired by a pub night. We were watching this

band. Simon blower bodies on top of bodies. The band were taking their

clothes off. I said to the owner of the club, I predict a riot. It is

amazing. Within a year, Kaiser Chiefs were lined up for a new

record deal. They are put in a studio with Stephen Street to work

on I Predict A Riot. . The first thing which struck me

about the song is how British the lyrics were. The first verse

contains the word lairy and secondly tell me. I was taken by the use of

instruments in the track itself. He invented this guitar sound, every

song had that sound, because Kaiser Chiefs had to be a thing. For me, on

the demo, everything was so multi-layers that it was hard to get

the character of the lead singer, as it were. We wanted to keep that

multi-layered, Beach Boys feel. It was balancing the vocals to get the

right balance. You could tell Something Special was happening.

I Predict a Riot was first released in 2004, following a successful tour

it was released the following year and became a top ten hit. There is

such intent in the lyrics, a night out in Leeds. It translated out of

Leeds quickly. It is many I favourite song I have been involved

in. I am back at the Old Chapel rehearsal. The drummer joined the

band four years ago when Nick left to set to set up his own studio.

It does capture a moment in time for us. There is a lot of energy in the

band when we wrote it. I am just really glad of it. Where it is in

the set you can sense the anticipation of the crowd. You go to

Brazil or Australia beyond play the first note of the song and even

knows what's coming it is really amazing.

# I predict a riot... Ricky is unrecognisable from his

early pictures. It is almost as if he's got money. Gone to a

hairdresser, something like that. The Kaiser Chiefs' new album,

Stay Together, is out now. Time to go back to Dan Snow now,

who is in Hasting's ahead Well today has been very atmosphere

ribbing. We have King Harold of England. Then we have Duke William

of Normandy and his brother Odo. Everything is pretty fired up now,

let's start with King Harold. You get to play Harold. The problem is

you don't last the whole battle. You've got to die. Yes, I get shot

with one of these two-thirds in the battle. And I lie dead for the rest

of the battle. Are you ever tempted not to die, win and hold on to your

crown? Yes, every time. But professionalism overrules. Some of

you guys have gone to long lengths. Some of the members have marched

from York. Some on horse back, some marching. We have got Duke William,

who like Duke William for real does not really speak very good English.

How did you arrive on the battlefields, did you come on the

ferry? By the sea. Hastings is a big deal in Britain. Is it famous in

France? Yes, it is well known in France. Mostly in Normandy. But the

Duke is very famous. You are famous? Yes. Of course. Of course he is

famous. We have seen the Normans all day having their car ris tick

haircut. Why do you guys shave the back of your heads? The haircut was

made for the comfort with the helmet and for the males to be cleaner. And

it is the fashion. You have not got short hair? No. He's got style over

comfort. I get the feeling. Now, let's look at the weapons here. Here

we go. You take that mic. There we go, this is a helmet, head

protection. Used by both sides. You will need that. Most of the blows

from the battle to the head and the shoulders. Would this stop me

getting chopped in half? Hopefully. You need that big wall between you

and the enemy. This is the main event. We have some chaps here. Here

we go. Let's get the shields clashing. Here we go. One of

those... All right! Brilliant! Moving on to more civilised thing,

the Battle of Tastings, we gave the English Gordon Ramsey's recipe for

venison ragu and they looked it up in camp. Let's see how it went. I am

joined over here now by the kings and the commanders. Let's taste it.

OK, gentlemen, this is the English ragu. Thanks to Gordon's recipe.

Very good. That is delicious. You take that

Duke William. Let's have a look. OK, we like that. Now for the more

tradition Norman spit roast venison. I have to say, the winner, I think,

is the English. That's... Back to you guys. What did you make of that?

Blessed. Slightly dodgy haircuts there. I am am not sure about that.

There were spoiler alerts. I once did that walk from York to Hastings,

but that was because of Southern Rail!

Did you get your money back? Goodness, no. If it is delayed more

than 50 minutes, you get your money back. He's said it on telly now.

Well, the competition between the Saxons and the Normans

I'm putting a sizable bet on the Normans.

Now though Michael Douglas is a competitive dad with a point

Healthy outdoor activities with my boys, Sunny and Joel.

And a little bit of friendly competition.

The last time we played the driving game, I beat you both.

You deliberately made me photocopy one of my maths papers just

And even then I probably let you win.

Do you want to both go and climb a proper tree?

The father-son rivalry is about to get

I was an avenue individual climber in my youth. And now they like to

scale trees whenever they get the chance. This one however is massive.

So some modern climbing techniques and some health and safety

instruction is not a bad idea. As we get ready to kick off, it is over to

Match Of The Day commentator Jonathan Pierce.

Michael's sons' combined ages add up to 22, that is nearly half

of their dad's 43 years on this earth.

First up the tree to ring the bell wins.

Ooh, you can hear a leaf drop around here -

Be more careful, just slow down a bit.

It's the first time you've done this.

That's a professional foul, if you ask me.

And the strain is already beginning to show.

Joel's knot is tangled but Sunny has taken pole position.

Only momentarily, it would seem, because with sheer brute strength,

look at that, he looks like a man aiming to conquer this

tree with little regard for the children he leaves behind.

Sunny is slipping through the puzzle of branches.

He's not only hot on his father's heels, he's threatening to stab

He's threatening to trample on his dreams, too, if he reaches

Oh, it's dad who gets there first!

And once again, I've proven that age is but a number

What do you say to that, kids?

Gordon, we suspect you might also be quite

Which of your kids are you most competitive with?

Jack, Tils. Cooking-wise, Tilly. Posy, a threat, I help her out.

Needing to move on a little bit, but they are getting there. We have

invited Tilly for this last segment, so you can be crowned ultimate

competitive dad. We will happened over the reigns to my Pointless

friend, Richard. The very best of luck both of you. Three questions.

Here is your first - in your book, Gordon, which fruit do you say you

should marinate squid in to make it more tender? What would you go with

for that? I wouldn't marinate it in anything. I would go lime. I mean

squid and lime is a combination, isn't it? Have you written down an

answer? My answer is. Oh it is upside down. Kiwi. Banana. The

answer was kiwi fruit. Yes! You don't use banana. You wrote that

book! Don't lose heart. I was going to say you might as well do a fist

pump and you did. The world's most expensive type of coffee comes from

beans which have been previously eaten by which animal? I know this

one. I know this one. I would go about eater. No. Pointless! The

correct word is a Civit. A cat. The final question.

Listen very carefully. The classic mocktail Shirley Temple is often

made with ginger ale, grenadine syrup, lime juice and zered with a

maraschino cherry. The answer we want is what is Beyonce's most

recent album called? I know it. Lemonade is the right answer. That

was 2-2. I give it to Tilly. We have a little prize as well. We have got

some bacon... It said the ultimate dad. We give it to Tilly. No!

Unbelievable! Thank you both for coming in. The book is out on

Thursday. And thanks to Richard as well -

a pleasure to have you here Next week we are joined by some

great guests. Phil Collins, and Miranda Hart.

Thank you. Bye.