15/04/2016 The One Show

Hello and welcome to the one show. Patrick Kielty is back. Lovely to

see you. Lovely to see you, lovely to be back. It's OK, use totally

fine, he's alive and well and here, Mr Michael McIntyre! APPLAUSE

I'm dismounting. Nicely handled. However you? Let me take your coat.

Thank you, darling. Great to see you. Darling. Yey! We were a bit

worried halfway round, we weren't sure. Hit me with this little studio

velodrome. You handled it so well, do you normally do your own stunts?

Yes, I did that one, though really. I could have brought out some moves

but we have a show to get on with. It was Daniel Craig meets Boris

Johnson. It was, I been cycling around four weeks promoting my show,

it's such a relief to get off the bike. Britton for weeks. We'll talk

about Michael's show later. We have a big One Show for you tonight. We

find out what it's like growing up with Bob Hoskins from his daughter,

Rosa. We have a mystery guest for Michael. I wonder who it could be.

Slightly puzzled face. A guest for me, what do I have to do with the

guest? Who knows? So exciting. If that's not enough, we have live

music from Ronan Keating! Yes. Now, most people find it really hard to

resist a bit of juicy gossip, especially when somebody famous is

involved. Do you really want to read all about it in the newspapers,

though? After a busy week for the press, Angela has been asking that

very question. Over this past week we've seen

stories of sordid affairs, tax affairs and the issuing of an

injunction restricting what we get to know, but is that fair? In the

case of that injunction, the court ruled it was not in the public

interest. In the case of John Whittingdale, the press ruled it was

not in the public interest. But what should we have the right to know?

Politician accused of tax avoidance. Do you think we have the right to

know everything about celebrities and politicians? We have the right

to know about that because they are public figures. Not really, like

anybody else, everybody deserves privacy, don't they? We should be

allowed to know about people's tax. Offshore accounts. What about if a

politician is accused of tax avoidance, is it different? A little

bit more because they are the ones making decisions about what the

country can and can't do. You said definitely, why? Because they are

paid to manage the national interest. Celebrity has an affair,

does anyone care? It's not our business. I would say private

affairs should always stay private. It's only a problem if politicians

are preaching family values, they become fair game at that point.

Every person is entitled their own progressive if they decide to share

with us, bless them. If you are cheating on your husband or wife, it

should be public as well. We all have affairs, don't we, if we can

get it? Do we? LAUGHTER What about injunctions, does it feel

like a privilege of the rich customer the super injunction, yeah,

that is a little more sinister, they seem to have queue jumping on

justice. People with a huge amount of money can gag the media and

that's not right, they shouldn't be able to do that. Yet, if they want

to keep it anonymous they should be able to. In terms of the law there

is a difference between stories of public interest and stories the

public are interested in. The issue is that we, the public, seem to be

pretty much interested in all of them. Happy birthday, Michael! It

would seem. It wasn't a real newspaper, it didn't look like a

real newspaper. You had a real party with lots of proper celebrities. I

had my 40th birthday party. Were there many super injunctions after

that? Are these photos of people arriving? I saw photos... Nigella

came and she was holding a big present which I never got. I don't

know if she took the present back home with her, I saw it in the

paper. And thought, what happened to Nigella's present? Is it a smoothie

maker? I don't know if she did it for the cameras and didn't give it

to me. That's what she does. You said it feels like a big milestone.

My wife and I had a joint party, we are both 40. She looked 25 and I

looked... People react to the same way when people tell -- we tell them

we are 40. Somebody was 57 and told me I was closer to their age. I'm

happy. I've never had a party before. I had it in this place, the

Chiltern fire house, a very cool place. It's utterly cool place. If

you are staying in the hotel you could use the bar area. Nice. It's

not nice, there were people staying in the hotel at my party. It looked

full. At the beginning I was like, stay. They spent the whole night

there, these four gentlemen, from the Middle East, they weren't

impressed by anything and they didn't move the whole night, they

just sat there. I shared my very special night with four complete

strangers. Will they be on your new show, have you made a connection,

will they come on the Big Show question much the four Middle

Eastern gentlemen staying in the hotel? No, but a lovely link

nevertheless. I'm trying my best. It's the One Show, anything goes! I

have a new show starting tomorrow, called Michael McIntyre's Big Show.

At 7pm. I've never been more excited about any show I've ever been

involved in. I was part of the show a couple of weeks ago and it's

brilliant. It's a bit like a variety show, isn't it? There's variety, we

have comedians, acrobats, all sorts. Entertainment items. Here are some

clips. Tinie Tempah is on tomorrow night, deeply cool individual. These

gentlemen here. I saw them. Middle Eastern. From Chiltern fire house.

They didn't show the good bit, that man put the other man on top of his

head, extraordinary. They want to hold it back for the actual show.

The main thing we're doing on the show is having... We have people

playing centaurs, the liberties like yourself came, which was fun. And,

in fact, Ronan over there came on the show, which was hilarious.

Russell Crowe texted back. It's probably the biggest a list we had.

That was a good one. I lost some mates as well, as you know. You said

you weren't going to mention that. You brought that up! He fell out

with somebody and it's my fault entirely. It's the risk you take but

in the main it has been very fun and hilarious and unfortunately a lot of

your texts back were in Welsh. I know. He had Russell,. The most

famous person I had was Shelley -- Shelley YeyTan, who does my tanning.

Geri Horner is on the show, she gets a text from a farmer she met once,

which is hilarious. We've got a clip of Geri in the theatre with all this

going on. Let's remind ourselves what the text was.

We said that text. Let's go through them. Is this mother? Yes. Sorry, I

only had two match soldiers in my life, I hate it. It has a great

ending. Try Katharine, she's my shape.

My gosh, it's really funny when it's happening to somebody else. It's

great. I should tease Ronan's text. His text was... "Feeling a little

insecure, do you still think I'm hot?" I mean... Justin Bieber, Harry

Styles, that guy who plays Poldark. Can I still compete with these guys

customer it was sent to everybody on his phone and there were hilarious

responses. Ronan has taken part, I've taken part, James Gordon did it

to you. Effectively, you've done it. The odd one out is... Patrick. --

James Gordon. We took Patrick's phone earlier and

sent a question to his contact list. Oh no. This was the text. Hosting

the programme that night, doing an item on bad habits. They want to

know my worst any suggestions? You sent this to everybody? Obviously

we've had some replies. Fun. This night isn't as fun as it was. It so

is. The first is from Wendy, who is Wendy? Wendy's might be a. She's

your key a? It says, worst habit, only the fact you use my razor to

shave your pets. Which annoys me. I can live with all the other bad

habits. -- shave your pits. That's deeply humiliating. And deeply true.

You shave your armpits? What on earth is going on? There's nothing

under here. What kind of a man are you, Patrick Kielty? It's like a

baby 's bottom under there. Paul Wendy and her razor. That was from

Wendy. Let's go on to somebody we all know... We don't need to go onto

any more. We have Jimmy Nesbitt next. Jimmy Nesbitt. You used to

stare at my transplant a lot while talking to me. I believe that the

years ahead and nothing more sinister. Britton I believe that is

our hair transplant. That hasn't helped the situation. I was talking

to him, I couldn't keep eye contact, my eyes were drifting up going...

That's impressive. Is it because you are considering one? I could... I

could take some from here and stick it under here. There's a lot of hair

and lack of in your life. The next one is from Steve Coogan. To three

macro. I could think of a few. How about your nose picking? He has put

two crying with laughter emojis. He's asked if you can give a shout

out to three people from Obama. Shout out! -- from Tim three macro.

The last is from Ronan Keating. In a Matt Prior I can vouch for

that. You can say it is a habit or instruction. I didn't see that

coming. That text. When I got it, I just responded.

You were on my show fractal delete macro! Nothing to it? Great sport,

come on, Paddy Kielty. Shaven Paddy Kielty. You have no idea how

relieved I currently am. That is all we got back. It could have been so

much worse. And macro starts tomorrow at 7pm on BBC One,

definitely worth watching, it's really funny. -- Michael McIntyre's

Big Show starts tomorrow. It a lot worse than eight delete macro

and awkward reply to a text. We've all been there, stuck behind an

erratic driver just to discover they are on their mobile phone is legally

are talking or texting. Research has shown that for every text you read

or write whilst driving you look at your phone around five times.

Studies have found texting while driving decreases reaction time by

over a third. So how bad is it? These four are self-confessed

driving textures and they've come to take part in a One Show experiment.

You know why you are here, to redeem your motoring since. Michael, what

do you do that you think might be close to the edge? Probably the

temptation to reply to a text you want to tap it and have a quick look

at it. I try to do it when it's safe but I know it's never safe. Are used

to text when I was driving. 70 mph on the motorway. In my own country.

70 mph? Texting? First, we want to find out how long their eyes are off

the road when texting. To help us, we have driving instructor David

Kane and Doctor Felix Mercer Moss from the Bristol vision Institute at

the University of Bristol, who has brought along some very special

glasses. These have three cameras, one facing out that chose as exactly

what you are seeing. And two little cameras facing up to your eyes. I

can see them. In a macro they are tracking where you eyes are looking.

There's nowhere to hide? Nowhere. Felix fit each driver with the

glasses and David takes them onto the circuit. Whilst they are

driving, I'll be texting. A text. As soon as they receive and

answer the text, the tracking glasses showed that in some cases

their eyes are off the road for up to two seconds. If travelling at 50

mph, the car would have gone nearly half the length of football pitch

before they were looking back at the road. We discover it is what their

eyes are not doing when they look up which is cause for concern. He looks

back after looking at his phone and he makes much less of those

peripheral eye scanning movements. There could be lots going on in the

periphery. Cyclists. Of course. We are going to show our drivers in

extreme measure what happens when they take their eyes off the road.

On the press of a button, everything will go completely black. They don't

know this. At some point, the driver won't be able to see anything for

two seconds. The longest that most of them look down to look at a text.

David lets our drivers get comfortable and then presses the

button. How did you find that? That was interesting. Horrible. All

right? You're OK. Don't worry. It was scary. I'm in shock. You can see

how important it is. To see where you're going. Even though our

experiment was a little bit light-hearted, the underlying

message is that using a phone while driving is illegal. As we can see,

it can be very dangerous. Absolutely... When it went

completely black, terrifying. Thank you. As part of Michael's show

tomorrow night, there is an unexpected start of the show every

week. We have invited one on for you tonight. Mr Guest, ready. Can you

please give us a clue? There we go. As we can see, it is to guests...

Wasted -- wait a minute? Is this a child I

didn't know about? Is this some holiday romance? I met you in it be

fair in 1988! One of these people entered the world due to you. Any

thoughts? That's exactly my biggest fear. Think back to one of your

shows. Did something dramatic happens? Is this the lovely lady who

went into labour at my show? Bingo! Kara Brown and your lovely daughter,

come on in. APPLAUSE Hello, darling. Hello. Oh my

goodness! Isn't she gorgeous? Thank you for bringing her in. What

happened? At what point in the show did she start to let you know? We

had gone to watch the opening night of the show. After the show, after

laughing all the way through, we were walking back to the car and my

waters went. I felt my genes get wet and there was a puddle on the floor.

Then it was panic stations. Somebody went to get some staff. The people

in the queue were panicking. They phoned my partner who was at work in

Essex, Clacton. We went to hospital and she was born. So nice to meet

you. She seems to like the! A fan already. The first laugh. That is

really sweet. It was such a heart-warming e-mail. So good to see

it worked out. From a proud mum to a famous dad. Bob Hoskins was known

for playing a hard man in his films but what was he really like? When I

was born, everybody said I looked like my dad, the actor Bob Hoskins.

He had this public persona. People assumed that he was a cockney

Hartman. But he was also very learn it and very bookish. He was quite a

nerd, really. But he struggled at school, down to a couple of things.

He was dyslexic, as am I. I'm a businessman with a sense of history,

and I'm a Londoner. He got into acting by accident. He went to an

audition with a friend and was having a feud ranks in the bar. The

people auditioning came out and said, you're next. He got the job.

He'd never been to drama school or had any experience. He just thought

he could do it. One of my earliest memories of my dad was I was about

three and I remember him in the Kitching frying sausages and singing

a song. Dad loved the Kitching, it was the centre of the house. He was

a great cook. Dad used to describe this restaurant in Primrose Hill as

his favourite in London. This is rave. I can't render a time when he

wasn't part of our family? There wasn't anything I didn't do. From

painting and fixing to looking after Rosa and Jack. I think it worked

because it gave dad the security that he could go away. Everybody

used to ask me what it was like working for a big fund staff. I

said, just like working with my own brother. -- big film star. Bob was

lovely except when he was upset and then he was lethal. What you see in

those films, him exploding, it was how Bob would be. But around his

family, he was always calm and helpful. I've always said what I

thought of him and he did the same. London zoo. My dad used to bring me

a lot when I was little. I particularly liked the Penguins. Dad

did funny voices for them as they went by. All right? Yes, I see you!

Because he was away a lot, when he came back, I wanted to be the golden

child. I wasn't because nobody ever can be. He didn't expect that from

me. I suppose, I knew he was going to go away again so I did bottle

things up because, even though it was hard, I recognised that it

wasn't just his job but who he was. This is where I got married.

Opposite the news and the Wallabies. That was incredibly nervous. It was

very strange. -- the news. At it was obvious that he was starting to get

on well, his memory, he was struggling with things. Even six

months later we wouldn't have had the Web -- wedding that we had. He

was diagnosed with an aggressive form of Parkinson's disease. I

started writing because as I saw him start forget things and saw him

crumble, I wanted to do something to try and keep him together and to try

and record those memories. The book that I eventually wrote, not only

told his story but also dealt with grief and what it is like to lose

someone very slowly. He was absolutely determined and resolved

to enjoy what he had left. He would say to me, laugh, no matter what is

going on. Have a laugh. Life is short, enjoy it. It is brief. Thanks

very much to Rosa. A lovely film. Very emotional. Look who we've got

here. The man of the moment. You're doing everything, texting, going for

a pint, a new tool, a new single. It's great to be back. Touring all

over the country? Everywhere in UK and Ireland and then Europe and

across Asia. It is going to be crazy. Looking forward to hearing

this new single. This is the new single, Breed. --

and you were at Augusta last week? Yes it was brilliant. It was great

to follow Danny. A great week. A big thank you to Michael McIntyre. His

show starts tomorrow night at 7pm on BBC One. On Monday, we will be

joined by Philip Schofield. Playing is out with his new single, it is

Ronan Keating. From his album Time Of My Life.

# Built these walls around me so they never see me fall

# A boy made of stone I was unbreakable

# How was it you found me broken

# Even at my darkest you still wanted me

# Lost or found now I can

# You are the everything I need

# All this time I was lost you finally found me

# If I could tell the younger naive version of myself

# There's nothing I could tell you that you don't know yourself

# The wheels are always turning hearts are always lost or found

# You are the everything I need

# All this time I was lost you finally found me

# Running at the speed of light

# I wanted to protect myself and hide away

# Now I don't have to ask if I am lost or found

# You are the everything I need

# All this time I was lost you finally found me