21/11/2011 The One Show

Hello and welcome to the One Show and back in the warm studio after

eight days of blood, sweat and tears on a rickshaw, Matt Baker!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE if thank you, top of the Strictly leaderboard,

Alex Jones. My jaw was on the floor. You have

had the weekend to recover. Are you still in pain? My legs are burning

light you wouldn't believe. I got on the scales when I got home and I

had lost a stone and a quarter in seven days. That is a lot of weight.

Get the cake down you! I got into the office today and is greeted me,

full of congratulations, thank you so much. I have been overwhelmed by

the letters, the gifts. Thanks ever so much for your generosity. If you

still want to donate, details will be coming up later. First, what

about introducing tonight's guest? Apart from being in the most famous

comedy group in the world. writing one of the greatest sitcoms

of all time. What has tonight's guest ever done for us? Let's find

out, it is John Cleese! For how are you? Good to see you. Hello. Sit

down. It's sit yourself down. nice to see you again. That was

amazing, what you did. I really admire it. Thank you Marah. He is a

hero and his knees have taken a right bashing. What about all of

the Silly walks used to do, did they affect you? I can't do them

any more because I have an artificial hip and an artificial

knee. I had a total knee replacement about 12 months ago. It

is pretty tough, I didn't get a proper night's sleep for six months.

You are waking up a lot. If you have to have it done, look after

yourself. A year on? It is weak. They say you should get to the gym

and strengthen the muscles and then rest. But you have a life and they

say yes, anyway, get in the gym and then rest. We are looking forward

to chatting shortly about your DVD. And lookout for a lost Monti Python

sketch that hasn't been seen on British TV for nearly 40 years.

John played a very strict headmaster Brian Stimson in

Clockwise. With all the talk about increasing discipline in our

schools, maybe his character should be seen as a role model. Simon

Boazman has found out if it is the kind of approach which has helped

one man produced an amazing The rules are strict and they are

set in stone. You get harsh punishments if you don't follow

them. I aspire to maintain an inquiring mind. It is different.

But I think it is very rewarding. When I first saw him, I thought he

was about six feet something. I will have to watch my back!

admire what he does and I believe in it 100%. This is the man they

pull out all the stops for. Good afternoon. Michael Wilshaw. He is

in charge of the successful Moss born Academy, which opened its

doors in 2004. It replaced Hackney Downs comprehensive, which had been

called the worst school in Britain. It is 7:30am and the senior team

are already sitting down for the regular catch up. Good morning. I

wonder whether we could start off by talking about Key Stage four.

Any issues? Sir Michael has a history of turning around troubled

schools. Here, students get top marks with 82% achieving five or

more GCSEs at grades A star to C, including English and maths. If we

can improve schools in areas like this, that will put an enormous

pressure on those schools in more pleasant areas which are not

I came here thinking maybe I would find a different atmosphere to the

school I went to, but this is a different universe. The only time

you saw lines in my school was outside the headmaster's office.

Here, everyone is in line. Military precision. So why are we interested

in Sir Michael? Because next year, he will be in charge of the

school's regulator Ofsted, making him one of the most influential men

in education. Many teachers would not agree, but he thinks some in

the industry are coasting. He says that is one of the things he wants

to tackle. I can't work out whether this is a modern technique for it

is very old-fashioned. It is old fashioned -- if hole dug -- old-

fashioned means high expectations from children. If old-fashioned

means we are asking them to respect others. If traditional means

ensuring there are no excuses for poor behaviour and for poor

performance, I'm happy to be called Traditional. One accusation is you

will cherry-pick the best pupils and exclude troubled pupils and

that is how you achieve these great result. We can't do that. We

subscribe to the local authority's code. They insist we take a

comprehensive intake and I support Good morning. Good morning. They

always stand up when you come in. They stand up for me and other

members of staff. They would stand up for the teacher you see here. It

is a mark of a similar level of respect for authority and the

authority of teachers. For a start lessons dithery, too. Reciting a

mantra to get them ready for every class. And then attentive ear so

that in this class and all classes... What do the pupils make

of it? It sets you up for the beginning of the lesson. The whole

school says it and so it is like you are part of the community of

the school. Sir Michael expects all his teachers to provide as much

support as possible to the students. Extra lessons are provided, which

means extra powers for the teachers. I think there's too much pressure

and too much pressure on. We are all human beings. I know everyone

in the school works exceptionally hard. Some of the pressure is good,

they keep has focused and driven. But there are times when I think

sometimes the pressure is too much. There will be teachers watching who

will say it is OK for Sir Michael, he has good money and well-paid

teachers, but we have a struggling part of the country. That is

nonsense, we get the same funding formula as a school half-a-mile

away. The only difference is the building which we got eight years

ago. The revenue funding is the same. We husband that money well

and I used a lot of that money to retain good staff. They might get

the same money per child, but Academy's don't have to contribute

to the local or education authority, which gives them more control of

their budgets. This is a great success on paper at least, but the

question will be, can Sir Michael transfer that success he has hit to

a much bigger organisation like Ofsted? We will have to wait until

the end of term to find out. As Simon said, there will be

teachers watching this and there is a former teacher but ciders.

taught for two years. What I discovered was that they didn't

mind more relaxed teachers and they didn't mind strict teachers, but

the teachers they hated were the ones who were a bit lax one day and

then stripped the next. What they needed more than anything was

predictability and structure. -- strict. In a sense they felt safe,

they felt that the teacher was in charge. Would you class yourself as

a strict teacher? No. Right at the beginning I knew, because I hadn't

left school three months before, and I knew what it was about.

There's a war at the start between teachers and the kids. The kids

want the teacher to win. Then they feel safe, but they are testing him

out to begin with. If you win the war, the first thing is you have to

learn all have their names, which is on the first day. If you don't

know their names, you say, hey you, stop that. Once you have their

names, you can impose a structure and then they feel better. They

feel safe to learn. He left teaching and went into comedy.

Speaking of which, your alimony Tour is out on DVD and you came in

about six months ago to talk about it. You said your aim was to raise

�20 million for a divorce settlement. $20 million. Part of a

divorce settlement. Did you manage it? Three more decades to go! Four

more years to go, but it made... It was fun and it helped. It was great

to get out in front of live audiences again because after 35

years of being in film and television, you don't know if

people think you're programmes are funny. You have had a great

response, let's have a look. million, for that amount of money,

based on their divorce settlements, I could have married Brigitte

Nielsen 3.3 times. I could have married Pamela Anderson 8.5 times.

And I could have married anyone from the Isle of Man 2276 times.

Brilliant! Very good. John is lucky to have a live comedy show to sound

off about his ex-wife, but what you do if you're not famous and you

want to get your own back? We sent Alex Wyllie to Liverpool to find

out. Ladies and gentlemen, we are filming for the One Show and we

want to hear about your stories way you have been wronged and you found

a way of taking sweet revenge. Come and tell us, don't be shy. Madame?

My ex-boyfriend, who cheated on me, I thought what can I do to get him

back? I thought I would go on a night out and be unfaithful to him.

And then bring them back? And you go, higher! It takes two to tango.

We had a horrible supervisor so we got good boy chocolate drops and

put them in her bag. If you put dog food in her bag? It was chocolate

drops. She ate them all. I went and kissed her mate in front of her.

The did she make any comment? did have a shiny coat afterwards.

Please, tell me your story. This man was not the nicest of

boyfriends and I thought I know what I will do. I made a lovely big

pie, lovely pastry, home-made, and I put a pound of dog meat in the

dish and he ate the lot. I found out he had cheated on me but I

stayed with him. But when it came to actually cheating on him, I

couldn't do it. I thought, two wrongs don't make a right. While

they say vengeance is a dish best served cold, I have learnt that if

you have been mean to someone and they could you a hot meat pie, it

is probably best to settle for a salad.

John talks brilliantly about his career. We thought we would ask you

some questions, Python style. reveal the dead parrots. Would you

like to pick a dead parrot? I will have that one to start with. Let's

have a look. The questions are within. Amazingly, Fawlty Towers

didn't get viewers when it first aired, did you ever think it was

going to be a flop? Well, after the second show I remember the Daily

Mirror had a big headline, Long John short on jokes. I thought,

works. It really didn't catch on until the fourth or 5th show.

Whenever you do anything that is genuinely new, it takes a little

bit of time for people to get on the right wavelength. It did with

Python. It wasn't until they repeated the Python first series

that suddenly it became a success. But the first series, people didn't

really know. A few people got it and a lot of people didn't. People

certainly did. Another parrot. will choose another one, let's go

You objected to a BBC drama in which you were played by an actor.

Why and what happened? They wanted to do something about the couldn't

frontation with the Bishop of Southwark. I said let's get

together and check, I would like to they will them something that

happened and that no-one else knows, they didn't seem to want to know

that. I thought it was a great story. I have not seen the show. I

think it is a very interesting story, but they did not seem

interested in informing themselves about it

The drama was the film about the Monty Python's Life of Brian, let's

have a little reminder. Was it you? Yes? Well, you did say

Jehovah! Stop is it! Now, look, no- one is to stone anyone until I blow

this whistle, do you understand? Even, and I want to make this

absolutely clear, even if they do say Jehovah! APPLAUSE

You were saying that is one of your favourite bits? It still makes me

life. When he says no-one is to stone

until I blow the whistle... Classic. Would Monty Python's Flying Circus

ever be made today, given the way that television is made? I don't

think so. The person who said to go ahead, we had a most embarrassing

meeting with him. We asked what the show was about. We didn't really

know. We had not prepared? --! I thought, please, get me out of here.

Then he told us to go away and make 13 programmes. They would not make

that choice now. Then they would trust their gut and they were happy

to hire talent. To give the talent a chance. To risk what might happen.

It was a good risk to take. Indeed.

The last parrot. Here we go.

Despite not being able to sing a note you ended up in a Broadway mus

call, how on earth did that happen, -- you ended up in a Broadway

musical. How did it happen? I was hopeless at singing. One day I was

in New York, they asked me to audition for a musical. I thought

it hilarious. They gave me sheets of script to do,

dialogue. I made the producers laugh.

Then they asked me to sing something. To which I said "no".

Seriously. I couldn't remember queues.

So they asked to sing the National Anthem. I didn't know how it went.

I thought it was the funniest thing that had happened to me, the phone

rang and I had gotten the part. I panicked. I went into the rehearsal

on the first day, I went to the musical director, I said, "Stanley,

I told them at the audition I could not sing." He said he been on

Broadway 40 years, he said that everyone could sing, ten minutes

later he changed his mind! He told me to learn the lines and mime

Scottish National Party That is what I did every day on stage.

Brilliant. John has achieved the impossible, he managed to make a

party political broadcast entertaining. Here is a message now

from Gyles Brandreth. There now follows a look at party

political broadcasts on the behalf of the One Show.

Britain's politicians used to be aluef and remote, but in 1951

something changed. Something that brought these very strange people

directly into our living rooms. That something was the party

political broadcast. This was politics, but not as we

knew it. It was a huge change. The

generation this had seen Britain through the Second World War was

reluctant to appear on television. COMMENTATOR: Anything you care to

say about the coming election? Michael Cockerel is the doyenne of

TV political journalism. 1951 for the first time there were

three party election broadcasts. The first of them was given by an

octogenarian, Lord Samuel. They are coming from a defeated opposition.

He spent the whole time looking down and was cut off mid-sentence.

I think that there is such a way... It was a very auspicious start.

second broadcast was by the Conservatives, it was slicker.

Winston Churchill got ant oin Eden to appear. A smooth man, who

fancied himself on television. They used the BBC's most famous

interview, Lesley Mitchell. He and an oint learned their lines.

there a sled of truth in that can't believe that any ordinary

socialist leaders believe it themselves. To modernise, some of

the early broadcasts looked unsophisticated and even smug.

There is a broadcast, where McMillan who is sitting in his

country house with his Cabinet around him and said I think we

should be satisfied with the way that things have gone? We have come

from the House, we are up-to-date! This was not seen as a great

success. Over the years, the broadcasts

became more professional. There are some milestones.... Fake

Labour Party TV studio. COMMENTATOR: This is our television

operations room. The hard-hitting campaigning after

the Winter of Discontent. What a winter.

It has not been a lot of fun. And the SDP a$$NEWLINE Alliance

trying their hand at comedy. The Pope tells me he is thinking

about it! The 1987 election marked a shift from the message to the man.

Kinnock the movie from Hollywood director, Hugh Hudson put the

politician's personality centre- stage. The real explosive lij of

being strong is the power it gives you to help people who are not

strong -- privilege. The aim aaccording to the veteran clim nist,

Simon Hoggard is to make the politicians feel welcome in our

homes. It is about approachable. That if

this particular politician was in your front room, you would be

having a cup of tea with him or her, thinking that they are OK.

Jaim was not a stereo typical upper class Conservative so how to do it?

You could go on a drive in your chauffer-driven limousine, oh,

there is one here. I spent my youth in different

houses. I used to live down here. I wonder

if the house is still there? It is still there. It has hardly changed

Of course, you could have a conversation between two old and

dear friends. Take your jacket off to show how informal you are.

appear to be mates, to unwind together? The question is how to

sustain it? The key is stability that leads to growth.

They recreate the seen so that they actually look like they like each

other. The aim is to do these things

simply, without anything other than one person to address the people.

So, here I am, with the camera getting ever closer and the music

getting louder. My message is clear: I love this country. I am

here to offer you myself, my services, my heart, my soul...

APPLAUSE And we do love him, Gyles Brandreth

is with us. Now, a lovely film, but where were

all the women? There were not many women in politics, there are still

not. 22% of the House of Commons are women. There are not that many

women around. David Cameron has been getting into trouble about

that. What does he do? He plays Samantha Cameron in the kitchen.

Not in the Cabinet. What is the strangest party

political broadcast ever? I came across this one from the 1st of

June, 1994. Broadcast on behalf of the Natural Law Party.

Their leader was a remarkable man, Dr Jeffrey Clement. I think that

you will find the policies rather attractive.

We will establish a group of 7,000 experts, in meditation andowingic

That's just extraordinary! They succeeded in getting about 1% of a

vote! They had celebrities aboard. George Harrison was one of their

people that raised money for them. And did you know, can I teach him a

little surprise, did you know that you made a party political

broadcast on the -- on behalf of the Conservative Party? No!

have forgotten it, as a sketch, 1973 in November, it was not

repeated the following year as there was a general election. Last

year it turned up on YouTube. It's been picked up by an American

broadcaster, I can show you for the first time in 38 years, this is a

television scoop, you, John, supporting the Conservative Party.

Watch this. Good evening, figures talk. We have fulfilled over three

of our election pledges. Before the end of our second year of good

Conservative rule, that is. What is more, we hope that in the autumn in

legislation... We will help those in lower income groups.

No. No. Look, it is and. One and two and three and four. Five and

six and seven and down. Do you know any other words? Don't

think of them, count them in your head. No. One and two... No.

Do it with me. Further more we hope that we can stop the rising

unemployment. Point at employment with your finger. I can do it when

you're here! I won't be far away. Now, for something completely

different. Yes, last week was definitely a

week of ups and downs as Matt road his rickshaw across the country,

let's have a look back at his extraordinary journey.

3, 2, 1, off you go! Let's go! Just over a mile down. 483 to go.

And now I have a piper in the back. Things don't get much better than

this in the Scottish Borders! Yes! Let's just roll on down to London.

One minute I was happy, the next minute hanging over the bars in

tears. # On the road again... # Misty rain,

Pudsey in the back. Uphill, a great cocktail atam in the morning! We

have a mini Pudsey on board. Can you come the whole way to London?

You are lighter than the bigger Pudsey? No?!! County Durham! It is

slipping. Go on, Matt! Come on! 200... 200

feet away from the highest point in the whole route. The money we have

rised -- raised. How long have you been waiting for

me? About an hour, at least! Sorry to keep you out in the wet. Thank

you, all! York! Here we come. Let's go! The last four days has hit me

like a... Sharp pains in the old knees.

I've got the back of my kneecap grinding against my bone.

It is excruciating. It makes you feel sick. All of these people that

are waiting out to cheer me on and keep me going. I just feel so... So

bad that I can't get to them when they're expecting me to get to them.

Thank you very much indeed! The people of ling conshire didn't let

me down. It was worth every minute of pain.

Somebody just told me today, over 100,000 pledged today! Today?

Really? Well, we have now left Lincoln behind us.

I'ming to get to Peterborough by about 6.00pm. What is your average

speed? We are doing ten miles in an hour-and-a-half today.

I should have brought a picnic. Here we go. Isn't that great! Into

a head wind! Less than 100 miles! Less than 100 miles. Look at the

school kids! What lessons should you be in now? Maths? This is

APPLAUSE A massive, massive thank you to

every single person that came out to support me along the way, I

honestly could not have done it without you. It was all worth it.

Thank you again for your generous donation, that now total a

staggering � �1,524,526. Your donations are vital to help