25/10/2013 The One Show

Hello and welcome to The One Show, all the way from Wild West London,

with "Mad Dog" Alex Jones. And "Calamity" Chris Evans. All we're

missing is a baddie, so who better than the man once named "sexiest

villain" for his role as Al Swearengen in the western series

Deadwood. Mosey down here pardner. It's Ian McShane!

Hello! Hello, how are you? I'm all right. Ian, welcome. Great band, by

right. Ian, welcome. Great band by the way! Hello, lemon suckers. It is

a grubby old thing, fistfights, much dust... We haven't got a picture of

you! If I had an accent like that, I'm not sure I would've gone it. Do

you joy -- do you enjoy acting in that kind of thing? Have you watched

it? I just love that type of thing. Following on from Sopranos, it had

36 episodes. It is an extraordinary piece of work, the writing. It is

the story of America, not just a western. Why does this man say, or

claim, that he owes his career to you? There he is. This came up once

before. Send a cheque, David! What is his story? There is an one. He

mentioned it once on the show, I think it was Richard and Judy. They

said they had a surprise for me. I sold him to send a cheque, but I

still haven't got it. I think because he has a northern accent,

and he looks a bit like me. It was a Lovejoy thing. I guess that was it,

but Lovejoy had been over ten years then. You have such a big voice you

then. You have such a big voice, you don't need a microphone! Ian is here

all evening for a proper good old chat. We want you to dig out all

those old pictures of you as a kid doing your best John Wayne

impression, as Ian starred in Deadwood. The political cartoonist

in this next film do not need a six shooter to take on the big guns. A

shooter to take on the big guns A sharpened pencil and a fast wit

other weapons of their choice. Last night, we sent Lucy "Blazin'

Saddles" Siegle into a Soho bar to meet up with some of the best

cartoonists in the boot -- in the business. This week, receiving a

kick where it hurts, it has been the turn of Jeremy Hunt, Secretary of

State for health. Tonight, cartoonists gathered to discuss the

most hilarious and nefarious political moments of the last 12

months. And we are in the perfect surroundings. This restaurant has

been a favourite haunt for politicians planting clues and

destroying careers for over 30 years. Ideal fodder for cartoonists.

The thing about a cartoon is it does have certain privileges. It can say

things that an article can't. You wouldn't get an article starting off

by saying that the Prime Minister has a stupid, ugly mouth, which is

what I do on a daily basis. Do you know when you have something really

funny that crystallises that moment? When I am doing the rough draft I

get a Eureka moment sometimes. Sometimes I think it is the funniest

thing I have ever done in my life, and other times I just stare at it

and have no idea what I am talking about. Who really goes for it here?

Martin. There are whole swathes of people out there just waiting to be

offended. I have received death threats from all sort of people by

threats from all sort of people, by e-mail. People ask why am so

cynical. I am not cynical. I am sceptical. Tony Blair was the most

popular Prime Minister people had ever known in 97, but after he

resigned, he couldn't even walk down the street. Nadine Doris became a

target this year after her appearance on I'm A Celebrity Get Me

Out Of Here. Why is somebody like her such a target? Because she is in

the news. It is said that the one -- the one thing worse for a politician

than being drawn in a political cartoon is not being drawn in one.

Because people have to have heard of them. I would guess that any MP in

the House of Commons would be flattered to be drawn by you. Also

the point about cartoonists is it is mind over matter. They pretend they

don't mind and we pretend they don't matter. I know where politicians

hang it. They hang it in their toilets. You don't have to be Freud

to work out what is happening there. They are diffusing the damage we are

trying to do to them as the silent assassins. This year, satirists lost

perhaps one of their greatest sources of parody, Margaret

Thatcher. How does the current crop of political leaders measure up? You

know you've got them when they just pour out of your hand, and you have

recreated them. Nigel Farage, his face, and the beer and cigarettes. I

have a funny story involving Ed Miliband, because I absolutely love

drawing him. He is the full package in terms of what he looks like, the

way he behaves, public perception of him. You have so much to go on. If

you want to produce an icon, the man staring eye of Thatcher, for

example. They need to have a mad, staring eye. Brilliant. We are

joined by two of those top cartoonists, Ben "The Kid" Jennings

and "Buffalo" Bob Moran. Good evening. What have you two been

sketching since you arrived here today? We both had a little go at...

Guess! I will take either of those. Yours looks a little bit like aeon

Hyslop -- like Ian Hyslop. Is that supposed to be me? We have a live

challenge for you. Ian has picked a story from today's newspapers. You

have ten minutes to think about it and then five minutes to sketch a

cartoon that we will look at before the end of the show. Ian, what is

the story. It is the news that the NSA has been listening in on the

phone calls of 35 world leaders. phone calls of 35 world leaders

Including Angela Merkel. So you have ten minutes to draw her. You've got

some ideas together already, haven't you? Yes. It is a bit of an ongoing

topic as well. So you are in the groove already. I love drawing

Angela Merkel. So ten minutes to think about it and five minutes to

draw it. Off you go. Great. Ian, we draw it. Off you go. Great. Ian we

were talking earlier, and we were saying, in 30 years we have never

seen you interviewed hardly at all. So you must be really passionate

about this project, that you have flown all the way over from LA to

give it a good push. I just happened to be in town. The BBC didn't give

me a ticket! It is a great show. When sky brought it the first time,

they spent a lot of money on it. I came over and did a bit of PR for

it, but they put it out on Monday night at 10pm. That is not a great

night for TV. So the show never got the audience it deserved in this

country. In America, it was a huge hit. It went on for three years but

not here. So when they said they would bring it back again on the CBS

Action channel, I said, absolutely. It is a really great show. Not just

because it did wonders for me and the rest of the people in it and it

was a big success, but because the guy who created it also created NYPD

Blue, and he is a really phenomenal writer. It was like doing a

workshop. It wasn't like doing a normal TV show. There was never a

script for the show. There was just the idea and scenes. We filmed it

all on a ranch. It was about 25 miles north of LA, and everybody was

there. The writers, the producers, the sets, everything. We were all

there, so we could do whatever he wanted, so it was kind of like

improvising every day. He once asked how you make the show, and he said,

we all get there at 6:30am, we hold our private parts, and we jump! I

was very good there. You've got to be careful before the watershed!

was very good there. You've got to be careful before the watershed My

be careful before the watershed! My grandchildren are here as well. Give

us a wave! A very wild West wave! Wild Bill Hickok was a real

character. They were all characters. The sheriff, there he is, upon the

screen, he is a real character. The town is famous because it is where

Wild Bill came from and was shot in the back. He was holding the famous

poker hand, aces and eight. He was shot in the back. It still happens

all the time, because it is a huge tourist attraction. Yes. They had a

big do there about a year after the show. There is huge interest in this

town because of the success of the TV show. A few of the lads went who

was in the show -- who were in the show. People were dressed up. It was

like going to a circus, with people getting dressed up as characters and

yelling on the streets. Wide easing it was such a hit? -- wide EU

think? It was huge. A Western TV show in the modern day. I think

because it was HBO, it could do it well. If it had been on CBS or BBC,

you are constricted from doing the nitty-gritty. He created his own

world and his own vision. I think because it wasn't just a Western

every week. It was about the town, the people. What about Lovejoy fame

compared to Deadwood fame? American fame is different. I did have a

meeting once about doing Lovejoy in America. They wanted to do it. We

only did a year in 1986, and then we took it off the air for three years.

Jonathan Powell came back as controller, and asked us to do it

again the same way, and it was hugely successful. NBC heard about

it and had an idea, and I said, why don't you do an American show? That

it never went anywhere. But you did OK elsewhere. But Edward, I think it

is all about timing. -- Deadwood. The timing was right. It was after

the Sopranos. It was the show's time. As much good as it did me and

Tim and everyone else, the show is a phenomenal show. Every character in

it gets fair weight. Even the actors who you think our tiny parts are

suddenly thrust to the front. That is why he is a great writer. He

never loses sight of what he is doing. If you have satellite or

cable, Deadwood is showing on the CBS Action channel in its entirety

from the 6th of December, and is out on DVD. Of course, there are more

than a few cliches in Westerns. A stranger walks into a saloon. There

is a game of poker in the corner. There is a nervous Barman cleaning

glasses with a tea towel. There is another cliche that cannot happen in

the real world, and we can prove it. Black and white movies are full

of quicksand. Our cowboy hero is chased by the baddie. He gets to the

quicksand, and he sinks, inch by inch, until all that remains to see

where he was is his hat. Movies like this one has got it all wrong. You

cannot act chilly sink down this far. So what exactly is quicksand?

Morecambe, part of the north-west coastline of England, is around 120

square miles of complex geography, fine sand, deep limestone and tricky

tides. It is one of the top places in the world to have quicksand. In

the 1500s, a royal guide was appointed to help anyone who wanted

to cross the bay. Cedric Robinson has just celebrated 50 years in this

role, still using a traditional method of mapping out a safe passage

away from danger. You put the stick in here and test the depths. A big

rock. If you went in there, you would be there for a while. You

would need be rescued. Quicksand is made by Dykes, gullies, which drain

off from higher ground into another area of water. I was told by my

father to never cross with a horse and cart in those areas. When people

do not listen, they get stuck. I am just looking at my feet. Am I just

moving around and sinking in? You are not. It is because I stood

still. That water coming out, that will set just like cement. For a

beach to have quicksand, it needs to elements. Sound of just the right

grain size, and underground, flowing water that is forced to the surface.

Researchers at the University of Leeds are trying to work out exactly

why, how and when quicksand appears. This professor is leading the

research. We have sediment layers in here. At the moment it is solid. We

here. At the moment it is solid We are going to inject water

underneath. It is beginning to support more and more of the weight

of the grains, so we are getting closer to that transition from solid

to liquid. There he goes! It has just become quicksand, and you can

see that our volunteer is slipping in. Why exactly does he think? With

quicksand, the grains are just on top of each other, supporting each

other's weight. When you step on the quicksand, that structure collapses,

and it squeezes the water out, and then it begins to turn back into a

solid, and forms a tight, dense network around you, and that is what

keeps you fast in the sediment. If someone does get stuck, the Coast

Guard are on hand to help. He won Morecambe, they regularly have

training exercises, and today they are going to rescue me. The reason

films have got it wrong is because we are less dense than quicksand. A

person cannot sink below the waist. Within minutes, I am up to the waist

and stuck. It is pressing on your legs like crazy. Below the surface,

the water has been squeezed out and the sand has become solid around me.

Now it is down to the coastguard to set me free. How we get you out, we

inject water into the mud. It thins it out and we dig you out.

The water is pumped in, under the surface, to reliquefy the sand

trapping me in. After a short time I can feel that transition point of

when the sand goes from a solid into a liquid and becomes lose around my

legs. You know what is really scary about

that is just how quickly you sink in. I was only in up to here - my

knees. Imagine what it would be like if you went up to here!

See, all those years of worry and youed would never sin -- and you

would never sink below your waist. You would get sun burnt. You would

be bright red. Antonia Quirke is here now, to

celebrate some classic western themes. Quicksand aside, what three

top ingredients do you need in every top western? A great actor - John

Wayne. You need gun-slingings, tricks and a brilliant brilliant

sound track. Let's see him in one of his first films then - this is an

innocent man. Don't look back! How did it all come about? Westerns

started in the 1920s and 1930s, outside Hollywood n the desert. They

started in the 1920s and 1930s, made hundreds of them. 18 million

Americans queued up every week to see them. John Wayne was a props

boy. He was carrying an armchair over his head one day and some

director thought he looked good and put him on camera. The early films

are lost. That is a rare footage, 1933.

Let's see him as we know him now in The Searchers. All about the war.

That is a famous shot. It is. It is one of the greatest

shots in cinema. This actor came to represent America itself. To do him

walking away like that is terrific. How did he develop that walk? He was

copying a Native American tribal walk.

I think he dropped his baguette! They used smaller and smaller horses

as he got older so he would manage to look as big. Who knows what the

truth of this is! We have done John Wayne. Now gun-slinging. Some of our

greatest actors have spent months of their lives trying to perfect tricks

with guns. Steve McQueen trying to learn to reload without looking

down. This is Shane.

Shane, get out! He didn't enjoying any of that. A

scene later on... He was... I am a huge fan of movies. It is a classic

movie. That is really, if you know that, that is like Drive is the

modern Shane as a film noir. It is a fabl.

A great movie. We are not doing sound tracks. No! Glad you got that

note! Ten minutes have past since we set Bob Moran and Ben Jennings the

challenge to think up a topical cartoon live on the show. Now, they

have just five minutes to scech that -- sketch that cartoon. Boys, go!

They are off! In the mean time, we'll go for a relaxing stroll

around the town of Pentwynmaur, with one of Britain's most successful

boxers. I think you can give that a bit more, to be honest! Have another

go with this! Great! Let's go! It is the

undefeated supermiddleweight of the world Joe Calzaghe.

I'm Joe Calzaghe. I am going back to the house in Pentwynmaur, South

Wales, where I grew up. I lived here from the age of three. My mum and

dad still live here today. My mother is a local girl. My father

decided to go to Wales, went into a Wimpy, six days later, they met and

got married. My father is a musician, so he would be away a lot

when I was young. Most brothers and sisters fight a lot of the time. We

sisters fight a lot of the time We love each other to bits, but we

would fight and misbehave and whatever. My day was like play

football, go hunting, go into the woods. I was always outdoors. I

would come in when the light lights came on. I try and do that with my

children now. Now we have computers and phones. There was nothing like

that. It was great back in them days. It was all about the outdoors.

The kitchen is my favourite place, to be honest. My mother used to make

a great dinner and steak and kidney pie. My grandfather is a chef. My

two uncles are chefs. I cannot really cook very well. I just do the

tasting. I have got myself -- I got myself a ferret. I used to like

rabbiting. My mum was very upset about that. So, I had to sneak them

in the first time. She was like, "don't bring them in this house."

in the first time. She was like, "don't bring them in this house " I

"don't bring them in this house." I was OK. I would leave it outside and

sneak it in the fridge when she was not looking. From nine, my dad

brought me a punch ball. I stood and whacked it. Knocked the top off it.

He was like, oh, OK! Do that again! He saw a talent and took me to the

boxing gym. I remember to this day the smell of the gym. I remember how

scary it looked. A nine-year-old kid walking in and seeing these guys

punching bags. I lost my first ever fight, actually. I cried like a baby

in the ring, with my head against the post. A champion at 13 - that

was it for me. Everything else, that feeling. I wanted to become a world

champion. My mum never wanted many me to box. She was also supportive,

because she knew how much I wanted to win, how much I wanted to become

a champion. This is where I would make a den

when I was about six or seven. I used to make a den here with my

mates. Good thanks. You all right! Mr

Stephens, you all right? I like to stay at home, be around my family.

The great thing is you are left alone, brought up in this place I

can walk down the street and you are just Joe.

In the early days, I had to be in my front day playing football or be

with my mates. We would go to the football field and spend all day

playing. My kids are quite grown up now. You think how quick time goes.

All my mates went to Newbridge school. I went to a comprehensive

school. I didn't get on there from age 14. Trouble and stuff. It was

not physical. Talking and mental and name-calling. You can become

sensitive. You get ganged up on. name-calling. You can become

sensitive. You get ganged up on I sensitive. You get ganged up on. I

was sensitive. I was quite shy growing up. It was one of those

things. I'll always have fond memories of this place. It will

always be home for me. Lovely film. Joe Calzaghe! A great

boxer. Terrible cook, according to Ian, who saw him on MasterChef.

Boys, you have 30 seconds to finish your cartoons before we want to see

the drawings. This is exciting! Once again - the topic is wild leaders

being bugged by the US. Is that correct? That is correct. They have

a fondness for cartooning Angela Merkel for some bizarre reason. I

don't know why! Five seconds left!

OK, here we go. Put your pens down. OK, come over here boys. As quick as

you can! Run, run, run, run, otherwise we'll be walking into the

Queen Vic! Ian Smith - when he was three.

Forgive the dodgy haircut. He blames his mum. This is Raymond, he is now

30. This is Chris, in times gone by. All right p, boying. -- all right

boys. An ear wig going through the ear ears. I have gone for Angela

Merkel in the bath. I love that! Ian, thanks for being on the

programme. Thanks to all our guests. The musicians, who were brilliant.

CBS Action, every day from the 6th CBS Action, every day from the th

September, you can see Ian. See you on Monday. Goodbye!

-- 6th December. You can see Ian then.

See you on Monday.