27/05/2016 The One Show

Now time for the One Show with Alex Jones and tonight's guest presenter.

And that was when David Niven said to me... Are you listening to me?

Yes, yes. Stick with me, I know stuff. Thank God for engine noise.

# shoot that poison arrow to my heart, shoot that poison arrow. #

Shoot that poison arrow to my heart, shoot that poison arrow!

Hello and welcome to the One Show. And, yes, ABC are back from the 80s

and they will be playing live later. And here with me to kick off the

bank holiday weekend, I am delighted to say is our very own Gyles

Brandreth. Lovely to see you. I am as excited to be here as if I was

Doctor Who's newest assistant. I am very glad you are my wing man,

however, I think you would be the first to admit, it is sometimes

difficult to get a word in edge ways. I don't agree with that at

all... Just in case, I have got a Brandreth product. I prod and you

stop. You will have nothing to fear, I will be on my best behaviour. As

are our two guests. One is a marvellous, Miller fluent talent run

theatre. The other is a wonderful writer and televisual top dog,

responsible for creating dashing characters in Doctor Who, of course,

I remember William Hartnell... It is Russell T Davies and Elaine Paige!

Gyles, as we know is the keeper of amazing facts. We start with a fact

each about Elaine and Russell. I know quite a bit about Elaine

because we are old friends. The first time I saw her she was

absolutely its dark naked on the stage in cat macro hair. That long

ago! I seem to remember that once upon a time the great American film

star Dustin Hoffman gave you some useful mentoring advice about

auditions? I said I do not like singing in the mornings and he said

you must demand that you only sing after lunch. I said it is all right

for you, you are the famous Dustin Hoffman, I cannot pull rank. But for

my audition for Evita, I remember that what he said, and I said, I

cannot audition until after lunch. She said, you must be mad. But it

must have worked. It changed your life. I am happy does a I have never

seen Russell T Davies naked. But I have seen him once on Playschool.

Yes, I dabbled. This is what he looked like on that classic series.

I will give him a big smile. He has scored the winning goal for his

team. I am really happy, I just won a match for my team. Why only one

episode? I got cast and I did one episode and I literally left the

studio and said, never again! How you do this job? You are geniuses.

And that was Picasso's touch with the pen. That was me drawing with my

actual hand. You two have teamed up because you are in a star-studded

production of A Midsummer Night's Dream written by yourself, Russell.

And with a bit of help from Shakespeare. Shakespeare's Globe was

the setting for the finale of BBC Radio to's 500 words competition

which has inspired children across the country to put pen to paper.

After more than 60 million words and 50 finalists, this is Charlie

Hickson with how this year's story ended.

All the world's stage. Well, this bit certainly is. It is

Shakespeare's Globe Theatre. The perfect stage for 50 young finalists

who will find out if their story has been chosen in the 500 Words

competition. I have been chosen as a judge alongside royalty, no less.

What A full place to find a winner in Shakespeare's 450th anniversary

year. There are two categories. The first winner of old is nine-year-old

Evie Fowler with a hilarious league gruesome story about a pig turning

the tables on a butcher. He could live without fear. Bacon, ham and

pork chops. Other winners in the younger category where Katie and

Fergus. I have always loved writing and what I was looking for in these

stories was first of all, really good stories but you need

interesting and compelling characters and you need a really

strong central idea. To do that in 500 words is a really tall order.

The winner of the older category is 12-year-old Ned Marshall. My name is

Jacob Carter. I am innocent. This man will repeat his actions if he is

found innocent. We see through you, hashtag guilty. Oh, my goodness me!

He scrubs up well. What have you been reading recently, anything by

Ian Fleming at all? Just checking! The Silver award winning story is...

Other winners were Clara and Ben. House apprised were you when they

said your story had won? Really surprised. My dad had prepared me so

much more losing and he said we would get a treat if I lost. You

will both win 500 books for your school and Chris Evans' height in

books. That is a lot because he is very tall. I will get another shelf.

Use it as a mattress. That is a good idea, a book bed.

I listened to it all morning on the way to Oxford and the standard was

incredible. You were gripped. Russell has done something very

bold, taken the greatest story ever told, A Midsummer Night's Dream, and

turned it into an electric television film. What have you done

and why? It is a play I have loved all my life. When I was 11 years

old, I was cast in this play and it changed my life. The community

theatre made me who I am today, it is to blame, basically! I always

wanted, for 30 or 40 years, I wanted to make this version. I think

sometimes Shakespeare is on late at night, it is for adults. This is for

kids and everyone watching it. It is quite a shocking opening and there

has been some controversy in the newspapers because of girl on girl

kissing. Oh, Gyles! Straight in there. People say he is a very good

man, Russell T Davies, but is he fit to handle the Bard? In real

Shakespearean circles they are not concerned. Every generation, every

school makes their own version. If there were 20 schools putting it on

tonight, there would be 20 versions. People are meant to come in and put

their own spin on it. If I am macro and also, it is very acceptable this

version. If you are not into Shakespeare or it frightens you, if

you are at school it does, this is one of those productions that it

trucks along and it is very accessible and understandable.

Elaine, you have filled one of Russell's dreams by being part in

this production? Together at last! I saw Elaine on stage in Caps in 1981.

I was 18. -- cats. She is playing a part which used to be played by a

man and you have turned her into a girl. And there is the wonderful

Bottom played by Matt Lucas. And you are playing the Rude Mechanicals.

And Bottom gets turned into a donkey. We will see how you get on

down in the Lindley Dell. Oh, monstrous! We are haunted! Thou

art translated. What do I see an the?

APPLAUSE It is such fun. It is wonderful, a

must see Shakespeare. Elaine, how did you approach the cheques be? Did

you find it difficult? It is one of those things initially when Russell

asked me to do it I thought, crikey, this is a first. I have never done

Shakespeare before. Obviously, I know the play a bit, so I read the

play again but I enlisted help from a dear friend, A full classical

actor Nicholas Grace. He helped me and told me to tap out the meter on

my leg. He said it was a wonderful way to learn it. He devoted a few

hours of his time to help me. I am glad he did because when you get

down onto the set, it is all about the pictures, lighting and whatever.

You have to have done your homework and know what you are doing. It is

pretty straightforward because this character has written the play, is

directing it and is trying to produce this play for the Duke and

Duchess on their wedding day at night. Bottom was the one who tries

her patients because he thinks he can play every role. Once you get

the hang of it, it is wonderful. Well, we look forward to seeing it.

It is Monday night, 8:30pm on BBC One. We have not got time for your

Shakespeare fact. We will get it another day. Before Russell came

along with Doctor Who, well, he was famous in the old days for high

impact but no budget special effects. -- low-budget. Can I tell

you my Jon Pertwee story? Definitely not! Today, most visual effects are

created inside a computer bit even blockbuster designers like to get

back hands on a bit of string and some sticky tape now and again.

I am a visual effects supervisor. One of the biggest kicks I get is

when the audience think they are seeing something real when they are

absolutely not. One day we could be blowing up a huge building in the

middle of London. And then the following day we could be adding a

CG polar bear into a shot so there is a big variety on a day-to-day

basis. James Bond's Casino Royale has a great mix of models and real

full-scale effects. In fact, it was so successful that we got a series

of complaints from people. They were convinced it was real. A great

compliment. I have been in the film industry now for 34 years. All of

this, I must admit, I owe to one man who kick-started my career. My first

job was as a projectionist but I took a real passion for seeing the

special effects and films, and that was the kind of thing I always

wanted to do. I heard from one of my schoolmates that his dad made these

mini films with special effects and I thought, I would like to meet him.

I had been using the garage for a number of years. It has been the

German officer's unit, a set for the laugh this monster. Steven turned up

one day and we came up with a great idea about making a film about Pearl

Harbor with models. When I told my mum and dad and everyone that we

were working on the warming of Pearl Harbor in Ian's back garden, there

were quite a few raised eyebrows. This is where my dreams kicked off,

you could say. It means a lot to me. How are you? Nice to see you again.

Wow. It's not changed a lot since you were here. No. Amazing to think

of the models we shot in here. Fires and explosions. The smoke effect was

a cigarette. It was a cigar! Remember when we stuck some

aeroplanes on glass? Against real sky. I must admit, I haven't seen

the film for a long time. Have you got a copy? I think you would be

surprised how good it is, considering the time we made it.

Wow. Portobello beach? It is. The models on the wires in the garden.

That was a good shot. The paintings. On glass. It gave me confidence to

move other things. I knew you could achieve stuff at a certain level and

it helped open a few doors for me. Which I am grateful for. You are one

of the few people I ever met that lived a dream. You dream that you

wanted to do this, a very hard business to get into, and you

succeeded and you reached the top. It would be nice to do, for old

times sake, one final visual effects shot. The old camera, like that, and

then turn it like this. So it looked like the plane was flying

horizontally. We should try something like that. That would look

quite good. This is Colonel... Cut. After all

these years, it's like turning back the clock. Isn't it amazing what you

can do in the garage? Can I tell you something? You cannot, my friend!

Russell, we knew you used to delight in adding as many special effects as

possible to the episodes of Doctor Who. Is there one in particular that

stands out as the one? My greatest special effect was getting Elaine

Paige to stand up! How rude! The second episode was in the end of the

world, when the world blew up, 4 billion years in the future. We blew

the Earth. Billie Piper, Christopher Eccleston, happy days. Or just. They

were my favourite! You can't beat Tom Baker! You must have stories

about him. I will prod you! It is time to step back into the '80s, so

get out your gold lame jacket and roll up your sleeves. Music

# Shove that poison arrow. # That's the look of love.

# The look of love. # Look of love!

Lovely to have you with us. Lovely to be here. The new album is

revisiting the Lexicon Of Love in 1982. What made you go back? A

couple of years ago I was playing at the Royal Albert Hall, with Ann

Dudley Campbell up to and playing the songs from the Lexicon Of Love.

It would be nice to be an habit the songs and see what had happened to

the characters, in 2016. On the original album, a lot of heartfelt

emotional songs. What do we get in part to? 34 years later, do you get

smarter as you get older or more stupid? I am in my 50s and I am

wondering... Down the long and winding road, maybe I have learned

about love. We really want the XYZ of love. You have been married for

more than 30 years, which in your industry... It could be unique. What

is the secret? How do you keep love alive for 30 years in your industry?

After 30 years, most guys know, you are always wrong basically! Never

take any other position. It keeps things running smoothly with Julie.

On the whole, the women are right, listen to them! If you have a happy

wife, you have a happy life. The way to get a happy wife, you say, yes,

dear. The two strongest words in the language. Yes, dear. And thank you.

Well, we you link to the next part, dear? ABC I going to be singing

their new single outside shortly. Do you remember the 60s, Gyles? Do I?

When it comes to airline food, we are long way from the days of 1960s

luxury, with a carvery served at your seat. Today, it is designed to

be as fast, but not as fast as the challenge we set two Michelin

starred chef Tom Kitchin. I am on a flight unlike any other. You have

heard of long haul and short-haul, this is microbe haul. This flight

between the Orkneys is the short is in the world -- the shortest in the

world, as little as 47 seconds. The man responsible for trips between

the islands for the trip to school, the dentist and the weekly shop is

Captain Dave Miller. I have done this about 5000 times in the last 25

years. Pilots are responsible for looking after the passengers, making

sure they are strapped in. It sounds like Captain Miller has got

everything covered. There's just one thing missing. The in-flight

catering. So the One Show set me the near impossible task of coming up

with an in-flight meal that can be served in just 90 seconds. Whatever

I do, it cannot be served hot. And there's no time for fiddling with

cutlery. And it can't be too messy. Simple, right?

The passengers, the diners, on today's flight include Baker Louise.

We use the plane in bad weather to deliver our stuff. It is our

delivery van. Student Daniel. I get the flight to school. Shop owner

Charis. I use it for the dentist or to go to hospital. I use it to go to

town for meetings and appointments. And taxi driver, crew member and

undertaker Graham. I am looking forward to Tom's food, I have a

great appetite and it has my mouthwatering. What do the

passengers make my chances? It is too short comedy won't have enough

time. The odds are stacked against him, but I'm looking forward to it.

A three course lunch? Spot on. I wish I was as confident as Graham.

After a lot of experimenting, with a start of file a pastry and smoked

salmon, pulled pork and cabbage roll for the main, and a straw Baz room

for the desert. Obviously no trolley on this plane. We are going to wait

until the plane levels out and Captain Miller gives us the thumbs

up. All eyes are on the captain as we prepare to take off.

Covering just over a mile in 90 seconds, these guys have got their

work cut out. They are really going for it. Graham

is on his pudding. We are nearly there.

Have we succeeded? Time to see if there is any leftovers. Box number

one. Box number two! Aux number three. A couple of pieces of

cabbage. Four and five, empty as well! You all managed it! Well done.

Do they not feed you around here? Amazing result, and the food gets

the thumbs up too. Top quality. The fastest and best airline meal I have

ever had. I have a bit of indigestion now. A successful speedy

feed. Enough to give you heartburn. A fax

from you, Gyles. The chairman of American Airlines saved $40,000 by

removing one organise macro from each salad in first class. That is a

fact. -- removing one olive. Thank you, Elaine Paige and Russell. You

can see A Midsummer Night's Dream on Monday at 8:30pm on BBC One. Thank

you, Gyles, in your lame jacket. It has been a pleasure. We will be back

on Monday with Sian Williams. This is ABC, from Lexicon Of Love II,

singing the two. -- singing Viva Love.

# You think the world will melt if you whistle.

# There's a certain spring in your stride.

# You face the future like a heat-seeking missile.

# You've got yourself a smile a mile wide.

# When lightning strikes you don't look for shelter.

# You're floating free, gravity defied.

# It's hell for leather on a helter skelter.

# So steel your nerves for a bright white knuckle ride.