Kung Fu Panda: Secrets of the Furious Five

-You ready?

-Ready's my middle name.

What do we got? Gang of terrible rhinos?

Crocs? Rabid wolves? Let's do it!

Be warned. This may be the toughest challenge you've ever had to face.

Get ready to feel the thunder!

HE GASPS CHILDREN SHOUT

Introduction To Kung Fu class.

Ha-yah!

Can I use the Wuxi finger hold on 'em?

I'd try not to.

Remember, Po, each generation teaches the next one.

And so the art of kung fu lives on, in you and now in these...

HE YELLS

CRASHING

-..er, delightful children.

-What?

-Good luck.

-Wait a second! Master Shifu! Come on! Agh!

Hmm.

OK, uh, if you could just take a seat...

HE CHUCKLES Hello?

Hey, hey. Settle down, now.

OK. Uh...

Get those cottontails on the floor!

-ALL GASP

-The Dragon Warrior!

Yes, thank you.

Are we gonna learn the cool kung fu moves?

Yes. ALL: Yeah!

Now we're really gonna start kicking butt!

Whoa, now hold on. Kicking butt is just a small part of kung fu.

It's awesome, but it's small. ALL: Huh?

"Kung fu" means "excellence of self".

Being the best you can be. That's what it's about, bunnies.

I wanna learn tigress style.

-HE GROWLS

-Aren't we going to fight?

Yeah, like the Furious Five?

Yeah!

The Furious Five, huh? They are cool, aren't they?

But it wasn't fighting that made them amazing.

No. They each had to learn the secrets of kung fu

before they became excellent.

-Secrets? What secrets?

-Tell us!

I shouldn't really say.

That's why it's a secret. It's top secret.

-Please? Tell us, come on.

-Please?

OK, but don't tell anyone I told you, or I'll deny it.

I'll be like, "What? I didn't tell 'em anything." All right?

Even when Master Mantis was but a wee bug, he was fast.

'Lightning fast!

'Whenever anybody needed some help...'

-Help!

-Kabooey! Ha-ha!

'..he was there.'

Get him!

'He was the hero of the valley...'

-CHEERING

-Ha-ha!

'But he had one tiny problem.'

Waiter, I'm starvin' over here!

'He was totally impatient.'

What's taking so long?

'The world moved too slow for Mantis.

'He was too fast for the world.'

Give me that!

'One day, it would get him into trouble.'

A gang of crocodiles stole my village's supply of...

-Wood.

-..wool coats.

And if we don't get them back, we'll...

Look unfashionable?

..freeze to death.

Just as I thought. And where did these scaly savages run off to?

-They went...

-West!

-No, east!

-What are you...?

-Towards the...

-Hill!

-No!

-Oh!

-The island of...

-Rhinos?

Crocodile bandits!

Crocodile bandits? East? Wool coats!

I knew it! I'll need a boat.

-You need to be very...

-Quick.

-Careful. And take...

-A packed lunch?

-This map.

-No maps!

-Mantis, they...

-Won't know what hit 'em.

But traps! They're famous for setting traps.

Ha-ha!

A trap! Why didn't anyone warn me?

Well, if it isn't the world-famous Mantis.

Guess you were so fast you forgot to check for traps. Ha!

How 'bout you let me out

and I'll show you how fast I can make you cry.

Why don't we leave you in there and see how fast you can grow old?

ALL LAUGH

PO: 'No matter how hard he tried, Mantis could not escape.'

No matter how hard I try, I cannot escape.

'He could do nothing but sit and wait for something to happen.

'And so he waited. And waited...

'and waited.

'Until something mind-blowing happened.

'For the first time, the world around Mantis

'moved faster than he did.

'Forced to wait, Mantis entered a trance-like,

'totally awesome state of mind.

'Mantis had found the one thing he'd been missing.

'Patience.

'And a brilliant plan.'

Hey, Mantis! Wake up, it's time to eat.

Uh, hey, you guys?

-Oh, that's yucky.

-I think he's dead.

Touch him. Poke him with something!

Careful. Careful.

PO: 'Mantis had to summon every ounce of Chi he could muster...

'just to keep from laughing.

'The crocodiles totally fell for his amazing

' "staying still for a really long time" technique.'

Ha ha!

Wait for it.

PO: 'Mantis had finally found the secret to excellence of self,

'the mind-blowing power of patience.'

Yeah.

CHILDREN SHOUT

-No, no, no. Wait. You guys.

-I am Mantis!

-Come on. No. No.

-Wait for it.

It's the "staying still for a really long time" technique.

You're missing the point. Not about fighting.

Stop fighting! Hey!

Now, sit! ALL GASP

OK, now, pay attention this time.

'It is said that the viper clan descended from mighty dragons,

'whose legendary flames were distilled

'into the viper's powerful venom.

'Great Master Viper was the greatest of this fabled clan.

'One touch of his ivory tips could fell 15 gorilla warriors.

'And a mid-sized crocodile.

'Evil itself trembled before him,

'before the awe-smacking awesomeness of his poison fang technique.

'And so it was with great joy that the daughter of the great master

'was born to carry on the tradition.'

Finally, a little warrior to carry on my legacy.

'As the tiny viper first smiled at her father, the world itself shook.'

Da-da!

'That's right. No fangs.'

No venom!

'Years went by.

'Viper's father was still the only one who could protect the village...

'..from the bad dudes.

'And little Viper still had no fangs.

'The great master was disconsolate.'

Can I help?

No, little one. It is too dangerous for you.

'So the little Viper did a little dance to make her father smile.

'And it worked.

'Just a little bit.

'I know what you're thinking.'

Where's the kickin' butt?

ALL: Yeah!

Patience, o small ones. It begins...

now!

OK, well, not right now. Soon. Soon!

'Moon festival time.

'And all that dancing for her sad dad

'made Viper blossom into the best ribbon dancer in the village.

'But without fangs, she was too afraid to go to the festival.

'The great master was on his way to the won ton booth when...

'a gorilla bandit!'

Cower now, old snake. Your town will soon tremble beneath my mighty fist.

Not if I defeat you now, with the awe-inspiring awesomeness

of my poison fang technique!

Then bite me, o fanged one!

Sham-ba-la!

PO: 'For his poison fang was invincible!'

But how?

My poison-proof armour defies your fabled fangs!

Father!

Viper? Viper!

GORILLA BANDIT CACKLES

PO: 'Viper had no idea what she would do.

'But one thing she did know...'

No-one beats up my daddy!

A little snake with pretty ribbons?

Ha-ha-ha-ha! What? Are you gonna dance for me?

If it'll make you happy.

Let's dance! Hyah!

I don't have to bite you to bite!

Too bad your fists aren't as fast as your mouth.

My deceptive dancing defies your poison-proof armour.

PO: 'The great master marvelled at this little snake with no venom

'who had learned to dance to make her father smile.

'And so she had.

'That night, Viper found courage,

'a power far more potent than venom.'

ALL SIGH What?

What's with the sad faces? Viper's totally awesome.

Yeah. But she was so cool. We're just bunnies.

-We're not like Viper.

-No, you're not.

ALL GASP

That's just the point!

Crane wasn't cool, either.

'20 years ago, the best students from all of China

'studied at the famed Lee Da Kung Fu Academy.

'And the best of the best was May Ling.

'She was a total knockout.

'Crane was there too.

'As the, er...janitor.

-New student tryouts are next week.

-Really?

'Crane longed to be one of the students.'

So this place needs to be ready.

PO: 'But he thought he was too skinny.'

< Crane, get sweeping!

'The students at the academy had it tough. But Crane had it tougher.'

Wow!

Crane! You're amazing.

-Me?

-You should try out for the school.

No, that's craziness talking.

No. No, no, no.

Well, you'll never know unless you try.

PO: 'If May Ling thought so, maybe he should try.

'So every night after work, Crane trained for the try-outs.'

Ow. Ow, ow, ow...

PO: 'The day of the try-outs came.

'All you had to do to get into the school...

'was grab that little red flag.

'It was simple.

'Simple but impossible!'

Ow!

Pathetic. Not one of you can do this?

-Wait. There is one.

-Hi, everybody.

Crane?

-ALL LAUGH

-Yeah. With those skinny legs.

My skinny legs. First time that's ever been mentioned.

Crane, since you're here, why don't you get started cleaning?

I'm so sorry.

Ah, don't worry about it. It's totally fine.

Crane! Get going! There are teeth everywhere.

-HE SIGHS

-It's fine. Really.

One word came to mind, it would be "fine". It's fine.

Crane! Stop!

HE GASPS

Now, step out slowly.

PO: 'But Crane didn't move.

'And then Crane felt something new.

'Confidence!

'He felt it from the bottom of his skinny feet

'to the tip of his beak!

'Even his hat was full of confidence!'

'So you guys think you're not cool? You'd be lucky to be not as cool.

'Wait, half as cool as... how uncool Crane was.

'You know what I mean?'

BELLY RUMBLES

OK. All this training's making me hungry.

Let's break for lunch.

Wait! But you haven't finished telling us all the secrets.

Oh, haven't I? I think you'll find that I have.

Actually, Po, you haven't.

I haven't? One, two, three...

Oh, no, you're right, I totally haven't.

HE CLEARS THROAT Next lesson.

It all started years ago at the Bau Gu orphanage.

-BELL RINGS

-WOMAN: Children.

PO: 'Every month, the children of Bau Gu

'were given a chance to find a family!

'It was a happy place.

'Or so it seemed.

'For the Bau Gu orphanage had a terrible secret.

THUNDER CLAPS GROWLING

'A monster!

'A ferocious and powerful beast that no-one could tame!

'One night, it escaped!

'Behold!

'The monster of Bau Gu was none other than...

'Tigress.'

I just wanna play.

'She wasn't like the other furry bunnies or cute little ducks.'

-THEY YELP

-Wait!

SHE YELLS THUNDER CLAPS

PO: 'Poor Tigress had no idea how strong she was.'

WOMAN: Nobody'll come here to adopt a child cos they're afraid of her.

She's a monster. A monster.

PO: 'The orphanage needed some help.'

Tigress?

I am Shifu. I am...

Afraid?

-No.

-Well, you should be.

I am Tigress. Tigress the monster!

-A monster no-one wants.

-You are not a monster.

You're just a little girl.

Let us play?

You must learn to control your strength.

PO: 'And so the training began.'

This game requires discipline, precision,

a still hand and a steady heart.

Focus. Again.

TIGRESS GASPS

PO: 'Tigress tried her best,

'but she still couldn't control her temper.'

Again.

'And so the weeks turned into months.'

Again.

Hmm...

'Until one day...

'..she had done it.'

ALL CHEER

'Her training was complete.

'Once again, the Bau Gu orphanage was the happiest place in China.

'But for Tigress, one test remained.

BELL RINGS

'Would she find a family?

'Total bummer.'

Come, dear. There's always next time.

'All the adults were still afraid of her.

'All but one.'

-Shifu!

-Come. Let us go home.

HE WEEPS

THEY SNIGGER

ALL LAUGH

Ha-ha! You think that's funny, do ya?

ALL: Yeah.

I guess it's easier to laugh at someone

than have someone laugh at you, right?

Let me tell you about Monkey.

'Three words.

'B-A-D, bad.

'I guess that's one word, three letters.

'But not only bad as in "awesome", no.

'Monkey was also bad, as in, well, not very good.'

Hey, over here.

SHOUTING HE GIGGLES

PO: 'The villagers had had enough. They came up with a plan.'

ALL: Leave.

PO: 'OK, it wasn't a great plan.

'So instead of asking Monkey to leave,

'they decided they would make him leave.'

-Oh!

-HE ROARS

HE SNARLS

HE SHRIEKS

PO: 'No matter who the villagers sent...

'they were no match for Monkey.

'Monkey could, quite literally, beat the pants off anyone.

'Well, almost anyone.'

-Hmm?

-Monkey, you must leave.

Sure! If you beat me, I will go.

If you don't, then it is you that must leave.

Without your pants.

PO: 'But Oogway wore no pants.'

Well, we shall see.

Ha-ha!

HE YELLS

Huh?

-What are you gonna do now?

-HE GIGGLES

HE GASPS AND YELPS

HE YELLS

You saved me. Why?

Monkey, you have shown me great skills,

but I also sense in you great pain.

HE GASPS ALL LAUGH

HE SOBS

You win. I will leave.

Stay. Use your skills for good, young warrior.

Find the one thing that you were denied so long ago.

My pants?

Compassion.

Thank you, master.

PO: 'And so, Monkey learned how to treat others

'the way he wanted to be treated.

'And now, he was indeed good.

'Really good.

'But bad too, as in bad-tastically good!'

-ALL: Yeah!

-Without your pants!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, easy! Easy!

-Shifu!

-Not so easy, hmm?

No, it's...

You see, teaching kung fu is an art

that takes years to master.

Do not be disappointed if you failed.

SHIFU CHUCKLES

Tell me, what do you know about kung fu?

Uh...

It's about fighting! HE SHOUTS

HE CHUCKLES

But it's also about having patience.

-Hmm.

-And courage.

-And discipline.

-And compassion.

Uh...it builds...confidence?

Huh.

Uh, you, uh...carry on, Master Po. I'm going to meditate.

All right, good job. Not bad for your first day of training.

Wait, Po, what about you?

-Me?

-Yeah!

Tell us about your first day.

Tell us! Come on, tell us!

What?

Ow! Oh! Ugh!

DISTORTED SCREAM

It was totally awesome!

ALL: Cool.

Skadoosh.