Kung Fu Panda: Secrets of the Masters

-(Keep it down!)

-Hurry! We're running out of time!

-Whose hand is that?

-I don't even HAVE hands!

Quiet! You'll compromise the mission!

But, seriously, do I look like I have hands?

Go, go, GO!

Silent. Like you're invisible.

Not even the slightest Whoa, whoa... Whoo! Argh!

Quick, into the shadows!

-Ah-HAH!

-What?

The new Masters' Council Exhibits!

Take it in, breathe it in!

Ooh! The smell of Masters.

Po, you said this was an emergency!

It was an emergency! If we would've waited until tomorrow,

the lines would've been around the block!

Haha-HOO! Come ON! This is the greatest collection

of Kung Fu memorabilia EVER!

So, just to clear a few things up here... we're not under attack?

-Not yet!

-Aah! Look, the sword Master Ox used

to defeat the Macamuradas! Wow, I had no idea it was so shiny!

-Put that back!

-Whoa!

And the staff Master Rhino used to liberate the village of Wing Shen!

HiiiYAH! HUH! HAAAAAAAH! I had no idea it was so staffy!

-Staffy?

-No way!

And the cape master Croc used for... for...

Well I don't know what he used it for, but let me tell you something...

-It made him look really cool.

-Good night, Po!

Come on! How can you even think of going back to sleep

when we're this close to so much...

PO GASPS

The sarcophagus of Su Wu!

-Su what?

-Wu!

-Who?

-Su Wu!

-Who's Su?

-No clue.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, you haven't heard of the Wu sisters?

They were the most feared and notorious villains

who ever terrorised China.

Oh, but they did one good thing.

They brought Masters Ox, Croc and Rhino together for the very first time.

It all started long ago in the city of Jinzhou...

You see, not everyone practised Kung Fu for justice and honour.

Good fight, boys.

Glad to see you still have some teeth left, Stanley.

HE LAUGHS

Next fight on today's programme is "The Heavyweights!"

Which of you hulking punching bags wants in?

The Croc is in!

You can't hide from my impenetrable hide.

The Ox is in.

My uniqueness is to analyse your weakness.

Bingo!

Ow! My bad ear! He got my bad ear!

All right! Let's get this slaughter started!

Not just yet!

Boys, we got ourselves a three-way battle blowout!

My name is Rhino.

My source, of course, is my unstoppable force.

Who cares who wins?

Those three are a disgrace to Kung Fu.

I fear they will all lose,

until they find a battle worth fighting.

Yeah, hear that all the time. Did you want to see the dessert menu?

OK fellows, you know the rules, there ain't any!

Hey, look at this.

What the palace guards didn't know was that two of the Wu sisters had already escaped their prisons

and were planning a little family reunion.

Guards, ATTACK!

-The Wu sisters!

-Meow.

-What was that?

-A battle worth fighting!

Here's your cut for that impressive three-way tie.

What? Not a tie?

-I won that fight fair and square.

-Ha!

You must be a comedian because that sounded like a joke to me.

Yeah, well laugh it up, cos the real joke is your Kung Fu!

Everyone knows your daddy is a famous Kung Fu Master,

but that does not make you a winner!

Ah, I see the fight continues.

A fan! Let me sign that for you!

And what's your name, little boy?

-My name is Oogway.

-Master Oogway.

Oooogway? Is that with two "Oos"?

Wait a minute! This looks nothing like me.

The Wu sisters? They once took on the entire Jackal nation

armed with nothing more than a pair of chopsticks!

Together? They are more powerful than any Kung Fu Master.

I thought they were locked up.

They were. Until mere moments ago.

But now they are free.

And I assure you they will be seeking revenge.

You three must stop them.

You're not talking about us, right?

The Wu sisters are headed for their fortress inside the Hubei Volcano.

Scary, isn't it?

I believe that your unstoppable force, impenetrable hide

and tactical brilliance are precisely what we need to capture them.

You know, this all sounds really fun but what's in it for me?

Yeah, why would we help you?

Bah, because you'll be protecting the innocents from certain villainy.

-And?

-And... er...

using your skills for a noble purpose.

I can't help but feel something is still missing.

Because upon completing the mission, you'll discover the path to a wealth of riches.

Rhino!

I'm proud of you, my son.

ALL THREE: I'm in.

Hah, there's no place like fortress.

Now back to business.

Tell us dear sister, what diabolical plan have you concocted?

Yes, What is our next move?

Hmm... while I was locked away, I had a revelation.

If all of China's gangs stop fighting and joined forces,

we could run this country.

And even the Imperial Army would be unable to stop us.

-A criminal syndicate!

-Precisely!

We will send a message to the heads of all the evil clans.

I am calling a meeting at Wu fortress in two days.

The topic of discussion will be the joining of villainous forces

for total control of China, once and for all!

SHE LAUGHS

So the three went off with Oogway to find the riches they were after.

They boldly pass through Fire Lake...

mightily traipsed through the Forest of Pain,...

stopped for a picnic lunch at the Jagged Cliffs of Death...

ploughed through the Fields of Cherry Blossoms

which would have been a much better place for lunch,

and bounded across the Bamboo Forest,

each fighter only out for himself!

-My friend, I have a proposition.

-Is that so?

I propose...

We don't need these guys. Hold that thought.

-Hello.

-Hello.

We don't need those two. I say we dump the baggage.

Hey, I can see my swamp from here...

I'll give you a tenth of the take. It's generous, I know.

Ox offered a third.

-I'm back.

-I'll give you half

-OK, Let us cut to the chase.

-I could take care...

-of the Wu sisters...

-all by...

ALL: Myself!

And then Croc will buy a castle with a rooftop balcony

where I can wave to my adoring fans

wearing all my capes.

It's so nice to see you've managed

to take the most respected art form in China

and use it to pursue nothing but fame.

And fortune, don't forget about the fortune.

Then I can quit wasting my time on street fighting...

and spend it counting my money.

Oh, yes. I like the money.

-And what about you, Rhino?

-Uh...

I'm in it for my own reasons, so just...

Let's leave it at that, OK?

Ah, yes, your father.

It must be hard being the son of a Kung Fu master.

I know how you can all get what you want.

Not just fame and fortune.

-And how's that?

-By changing course.

When the path you walk always leads back to yourself, you'll never get anywhere.

Well, good night. We've got a big day tomorrow.

That was the worst campfire story I've ever heard.

No time for sleep! We leave for the fortress at once!

Wait, what? Why?

Didn't you just say good night?

The Wu sisters are unifying all the gangleaders to lay siege on China.

-And how do you know this?

-A little birdie told me.

Hey, how's it going?

Let's go then!

So, Oogway, do we have any sort of...plan?

-I do.

-Oh, you do, well great!

You think you might wanna share it with the rest of us?

I don't.

The Bridge of Mists.

Er...that's deep.

Erm... OK. How do we get across?

By working together.

I don't know what's in that green head of yours but there is no way we're going to get...

What's wrong with you? I knew we shouldn't have trusted him!

Wow! What was that for?

We must get across.

And your solution is to hurl us to our deaths?

Not exactly.

Ah, oh! Bad turtle, bad turtle!

Stay away from me!

And where are you going?

Uh, excuse me! But how exactly does this help us get across?

It doesn't. It helps me.

And by helping me, you help yourself.

Wow...

THEY CHEER

Not quite time to celebrate yet.

The most treacherous part of the journey lies just ahead.

Isn't there, like, a back door or something to this fortress?

My leg! Something's got my leg!

-Oh, no, that's just me.

-Oh...

I got you.

Oh, this mountain she's impossible.

Yeah, no kidding.

I mean it's hard enough climbing up here,

how are we suppose to get back down carrying our riches?

Ooh, I think you will find that the riches awaiting you

will lighten your burden.

-Oh, it's paper money, got it.

-Well, I never said money.

-You did!

-I said riches, as in emotional riches.

We've been conned.

My father always said "Never trust a turtle."

Wait a second... no money?

That's the only reason we followed you.

-Was it?

-Hold it, Shelly...

No!

Help!

Remember the path.

Oogway! No!

Where do we go from here?

We retrace our steps and find our way home, I guess.

But Oogway said "Remember the path."

Yeah, the path back home. Face it, Rhino.

We'll never be more than a bunch of lousy street fighters.

He's right! We couldn't beat each other up

let alone the Wu sisters?

I say we go back down before it gets too dark.

You coming?

Are they gone? The Wu sisters, they... they took everything.

-Are you here to save us?

-You misunderstand.

-We are sorry but...

-Please help us.

We can't help you.

You fight for money, right?

No, we fight for honour.

It's time to change course!

And with our forces combined, we can take control of China

village by village!

Game's over, Kitties.

We're going to put your tails back in jail.

-Hmm...

-the street fighters?

-I watched you from my cell.

How much is the Imperial Army paying you to arrest us?

Why does everyone think we only do things for money?

Because you're do.

No, we did.

So much for combining forces.

Sisters!

It is no use. They have too much power.

Than one of us, yes. But together?

Ox, do your thing!

Bingo!

Their connection! It's the source of their power!

We have to break them apart.

They are spinning too fast I can't get a clear shot!

Then Croc is in!

Ow, it's getting hot!

-That way, that way!

-Oh, my tail, she's on fire!

Rhino, we need a bull's-eye.

I'm way ahead of you!

-Woo-hoo, yeah!

-You guys are great!

Well done.

-Whoa, whoa?

-I'm not the only one hearing this, right?

I see you found the battle worth fighting.

It's a sign. What does it mean?

It means I'm right behind you.

What?

Master Oogway! You're alive!

But we saw you fall to your death.

No, you saw me fall.

So, did you find the riches you were seeking?

You know, I think we did.

I never doubted you would.

Your father will be proud

as am I.

Come on, right?

How great a story is that?

The path Oogway set them on eventually

led them to Gongmen city, where they formed the Masters' Council.

You see, the soothsayer had predicted...

Er...Po, we were there.

Whoa! Look at the Shifu exhibit!

It's so lifelike you could almost feel the anger coming out of him.

-Ahem!

-Oh, Master Shifu!

What are you doing here?

Er... I couldn't wait for the Museum to open.

Hmm... You two may go.

The door was locked so I found... you know, another way in.

-Here.

-The blade of Bao Ding!

Master Eagle used it against the Hyenas of Hun Dun!

-It's not the blade of Bao Ding.

-It's the dagger of Deng Wa.

-It is not the dagger of Deng Wa.

-The shank of Shang Tu?

-It's a trowel.

-Used by?

You, to repair the hole you made in my ceiling.

Door's open in 20 minutes.

Don't disappoint me.

20 minutes. I can do this.

I can do this! I have the skills.

The moves! I can patch the most ruthless of ceilings.

The deadliest of tiles. Ooh... Ooh!

Er, Shifu? Shifu!

SHIFU!

Is there a security guard?

HELP!

Ah well, at least I can get a nice power nap in.

Nice cream won ton soup...

Monkey ate my homework...

Sweet and sour...