Assembly 4 O'Clock Club


Assembly

Comedy. Josh notices that Nathan is more than a little interested in music teacher Miss Poppy and her modern take on Cinderella.


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Transcript


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# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

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# When it's just too much to handle

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# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

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# Wash that stress out like it was shampoo

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# You should stay It can change

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# There's good days and bad days

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# But one day down in line this time be sure to stop

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# So the only time is now - 4 o'clock! 4 o'clock! #

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My parents want me to get more involved with school activities.

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I don't know why you find it so amusing.

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-Because you're acting in the school assembly.

-In Cinderella.

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It's not like I'm being Cinderella. Besides, it's not even Cinderella.

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It's a modern take of the Cinderella story.

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It's a modern take on you being a massive girl.

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If you don't want us to take the mick,

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then maybe you should do more manly activities,

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like wrestling, burping and video games...

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You sayin' girls ain't no good at games?

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-Everyone knows that.

-Shut up, yeah?

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-I'm well awesome at...

-Video games.

-Yeah.

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Well, I reckon I could kick your butt at any game in existence.

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You reckon? So why don't... you know... thingy?

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-Prove it?

-Yeah. Prove it.

-All right. Name your game.

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-Princess Dance-athon.

-Princess Dance-athon's a girl's game.

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I thought you could kick her butt at any game?

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You did walk into that one.

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Yeah, don't try and worm your way

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out of it now, you hairy chicken.

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All right, All right.

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Princess Dance-athon, this Friday, in the AV room.

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Yeah, hope you like the feeling of, you know, thingy.

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-Defeat.

-Will you stop finishing my...whatevers!

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Sentences.

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Princess Dance-athon. Now who's manly?

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Mate, you're going to look well stupid. Have you even played that?

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I could get a copy of it after school. I mean, how hard can it be?

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Everyone knows I have awesome dance moves. Check it.

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ALARM BELL RINGS

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LAUGHTER AND CHATTER

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-Carter!

-Mr Byron. Is that a new tie?

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I'm liking the stripes, you know, a bit of retro-chic.

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Classic.

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What next?

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This term alone he's broken the school fish tank,

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tainted the school water supply and blocked the boy's toilets.

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Technically, that was just one incident.

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The boy is a menace.

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Unless something is done, he will be the second Carter brother

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to fail his way through Elmsbury.

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Yes, sir. I'll deal with it.

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So I've got a week's detention with my brother. Big deal.

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Detention's going to eat into your training

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for your girly dance game showdown thing.

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So? I'll bunk off a few lessons to make up for it.

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There's bound to be tutorials online.

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-I can just watch it on my phone.

-You can't bunk off!

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What's the worst that could happen?

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-Another week's detention? I'm so scared!

-You should be scared.

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-What's up, bruv?

-It's "sir" from now on.

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It's a what now...?

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When we're in school, you call me sir or Mr Carter.

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Get a grip!

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Do we have to call you sir as well, sir?

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We already had to call him sir, you fish nugget.

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Sir.

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From now on, my eyes are going to be like lasers. I'll be your shadow.

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If I get even a sniff of trouble, I'll be on you like a puma.

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I'll tell mum you hit me.

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I'll tell her you told me you'd tell her I hit you.

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I'll tell mum you hit me then that you said

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you'd tell her I said you hit me.

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I'll tell mum you told me you'd tell her I hit you,

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and then I'll tell her you told me you'd tell her I told you that.

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The point is, from now on in, I'm going to make it my business

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to keep you out of trouble.

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Do you understand?

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Bring it on...sir.

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# Over 3,000 schools in the country

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# Someone tell me why he picked my one, please

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# Look how old he's become

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# He's like my brother, dad and granddad rolled into one

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# Such a cheeky little know-it-all

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How does he go through school without coppin' it?

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# Have to put a stop to it

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# This is my job and it's serious It ain't a joke

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# And today it won't be ruined by my baby bro

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# Huh! He thinks he's so clean-cut

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# And he was even worse than me as a teen but

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# Now he thinks that he can turn around and teach us

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# Well, I think you've got a short memory, bruv

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# Huh, he thinks he's so cool, look

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# Running round like a small crook as if it's all good

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# But as any teacher or any school should

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# I'm getting reacquainted with the rule book

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# He's not ready for me, man trust me

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# I've got so much dirt on him he can't touch me

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# And if he does he'll get burnt like a candlestick

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# I'm the boss, now let's see how he handles it

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# He's not ready for me, man trust me

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# I've got so much dirt on him he can't touch me

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# And if he does he'll get burnt like a candlestick

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# I'm the boss, now let's see how he handles it

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# Sensible shoes to be worn with the uniform

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# And no sneaking in your own books through the door

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# And you could never back-chat to a teacher

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# Matter of fact, just call me "sir" when I meet ya

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# And if he likes we can battle in the school halls

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# But at home he knows I'm ignoring all rules

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# And if thinks I'll call him "sir" then he's got a twist

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# At the very best I guess I might just call him "Miss"

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# Disrespect for your peers is a no-go zone

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# So is use of your mobile phone right?

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# Any time except break in the school day

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# And any place, too even in the hallway

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# Only one word for that guy - "spanner"

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# Now he's at Elmsbury high my manor

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# And he can have me in detention for a year

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# I'll still keep singing the same sentence in his ear

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# He's not ready for me, man trust me

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# I've got so much dirt on him he can't touch me

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# And if he does he'll get burnt like a candlestick

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# I'm the boss, now let's see how he handles it

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# He's not ready for me, man trust me

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# I've got so much dirt on him he can't touch me

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# And if he does he'll get burnt like a candlestick

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# I'm the boss, now let's see how he handles it. #

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BELL RINGS

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DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

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-MUSIC STOPS

-Hey!

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You got homework, bruv. I told you - till you start focusing,

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there's no TV, no music, no going out, and definitely no video games.

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But I need to play that game.

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I've got a reputation to maintain, man.

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What about me? I've got a reputation to maintain, too.

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-Come on, Nathan, this is serious.

-Na-na-na-na.

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-Na-na-na.

-Na-na-na-na! See the homework.

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DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

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-Exit, Cinderella.

-And cue Ryan...!

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My prince. A golden slipper!

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It's a glass slipper, Ryan.

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-I said glass.

-You said golden.

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-No, I Didn't!

-Did, didiot!

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Stop. OK, we need to get this right.

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I did get it right.

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Did not, Ryan.

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Mr Byron has made it perfectly clear that he won't tolerate

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another assembly ending in disaster.

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So we need to make this the most impressive, most perfect,

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most disaster-free Friday assembly that Elmsbury has ever seen.

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Are we clear on that?

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I wish they'd all end like that last one. It was classic.

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Mrs Bachelor's wig caught alight. She was severely traumatised.

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-You did get the line wrong, Ryan.

-Shut-up!

-Stop it!

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If you're going to argue,

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-I'd rather you dropped out.

-No, I can't!

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My mum says quitters who show jitters will never be big hitters.

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Plus, she'll shout at me. I have to do this.

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Stop getting it wrong. Let's go from the top. OK.

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BELL RINGS

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You're loving this.

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Oh, yeah, right. Sure. I mean, what could be more fun

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than sitting in here keeping you from being out there causing trouble.

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Hm? I'm having so much fun I could burst!

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Hey, Mel...Mel. How's it hanging?

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Any chance I could nab Josh for a bit of heavy lifting?

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Josh. Help Miss Poppy.

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Oh, and straight back here afterwards.

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He's always on my case. Always down my throat.

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I mean, I can't even train at home any more.

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I'm going to get beaten at a girls' game by a girl.

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Hope you're getting lots of practice in for Friday, Josh.

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You're well going to need it.

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Yeah, because if you fail, you're going to look pretty stupid.

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Pretty stupid, indeed.

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OK, Ryan, we need you.

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Everyone, listen up.

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Let's recap.

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So, the Prince is lovesick after Cinderella has visited the palace,

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leaving behind a glass slipper.

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Yeah, I know it's a glass slipper.

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Judging from the 50 times you've said golden, I'd beg to differ.

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He knows she's out there. Destiny is calling, but who is she?

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He's driven mad trying to discover the identity of his secret love.

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he can't concentrate on ruling his kingdom

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until he finds out who his admirer really is.

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Bingo.

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-I'm going to make Nathan think Miss Poppy has a crush on him.

-Why?

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Because, I think he likes her.

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And if he thinks she likes him,

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he'll be too distracted to keep having a go at me.

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Why can't you use your phone?

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He knows my number.

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What do you want me to say?

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"Don't tell no-one, but I want you to be my Prince Charming, love M."

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-M?

-Yeah, Mel's her first name.

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How long is this going to go on for?

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A couple of days. Just to give me space to practise.

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Now stop whining, and get texting.

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MOBILE BEEPS

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It's going to work. Trust me.

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He was texting me all flipping night. "Who are you?

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"Is this who I think it is?"

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When he wasn't texting, he was ringing.

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-I had to turn my phone off.

-Why didn't you text back?

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Didn't want to use up my free messages.

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Well, I didn't get a word of grief off him all last night.

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But He just keeps asking if Miss Poppy said anything to me about him.

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-I think he properly likes her.

-So did you get to practise?

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Not quite, but now that the plan's working

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I'll have time to practise till my feet fall off.

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Heads up!

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Ow! Watch it, you...king prawn.

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What we talking about?

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Josh's brother thinks I fancy him.

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-And do you?

-Ha-ha-ha. Funny guy.

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-Give us your phone.

-No way! You've already used it enough.

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I need to say that Miss Poppy wants to meet him at break time.

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-Why?

-'Cos when Prince Charming goes off waiting for love to strike,

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I can head to the AV room and practice my dance moves.

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Hand it over.

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Ryan, we all know you're going to give in eventually,

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-so just cut to the chase.

-Fine.

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"See you in car park at break... sweet thing?"

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Hi, Mel.

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Good morning, Mr Carter.

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So I'll see you at break then... sweet thing.

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-Sweet thing?

-I've actually got rehearsals at break.

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Yes. That's what I meant. So...

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DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

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You! A word.

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How about "killjoy"? That's a nice word.

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Is it you who's been sending texts, winding me up,

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pretending to be Miss Poppy?

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-Why is everything always my fault?

-Because it usually is.

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What did they say?

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If it is you, Josh, you need to try harder,

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because I've blocked the number.

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-And I'm confiscating this.

-Oh, what?!

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See you in detention.

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You heard the man, we need to try harder.

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Talking to yourself. Not cool.

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Hello? Sir? Miss?

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Ah, Mr Carter, I put something in your pigeonhole for you.

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"Soz I couldn't make break time, my prince."

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Three kisses?

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HE GROANS

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-Did you get my note?

-Yes.

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Yeah, I did.

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And, erm, I'm very flattered,

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but, erm, I really think we should draw a line under this.

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Under what?

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I don't know if I led you on,

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but I'm new here, Anita,

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I don't want to rock the boat.

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I mean, I think you're really... nice.

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You're just...not really my type.

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I only wanted to ask

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why you were still parking in my space

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despite the note I put in your pigeonhole

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requesting that you stop.

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So, You didn't leave a rose in there?

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Most certainly not.

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And for your information, you're not my type either!

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Look, how can I distract him now?

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You could use a series of giant mirrors to dazzle him.

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Or I could send him a perfumed cushion in the shape of a heart.

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-Or a monkey in a box.

-Why is that your answer to everything?

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Monkeys are cool.

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Guys, which do you think sounds better?

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"My prince - a golden slipper!"

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Or, "MY prince - a golden slipper!"

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Or, "My prince - a GOLDEN slipper!"

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Isn't it glass slipper?

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GLASS slipper, you utter, utter, plank shop!

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Where's Ryan?

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Ryan, can you stop messing around, please?

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Got it! look, we go back to Miss Poppy,

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but we actually get her and Nathan together!

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Not sure Byron would like two of his teachers getting it on.

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Even better!

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Nathan would have to resign if he wants to ask her out.

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Forget getting him off my back for the dance-off,

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I could get him off my back permanently.

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I swear it's not me making a wind-up.

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It has to be Miss Poppy.

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Why wouldn't she like you?

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You're young, you're good-looking, maybe...

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But then, why doesn't she just come out and say something to my face?

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I don't know how girls' brains work. Maybe she's shy

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or maybe she doesn't realise you fancy her yet.

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-I do not fancy her!

-You so do. I've see how you look at her.

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Fine. Maybe I do like her a little bit, but that doesn't mean...

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Oh my days, you should so ask her out. Oh, but wait.

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Byron's wouldn't like two of his teachers dating, would he?

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-Perhaps you should resign first.

-You wish.

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# Should I or shouldn't I? Nah!

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# Should I or shouldn't I? Yeah!

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# Should I or shouldn't I? Nah! #

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HE SIGHS

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# There she goes again running off with my heart

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# Not literally Mine's not that large, but

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# Still it could be torn in half like card, I could

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# Take a chance and ask but would she laugh

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# In my face and basically think I'm crazy?

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# Then we still have to see each other daily

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# Pretending it's all good that'd be awkward

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# But I've got to put my best foot forward

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# Cos she might say yes

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# That would make my life the best till Byron gets stressed

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# And what if Josh is right?

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# Then it'd be a day in my life when I stay or resign

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# Then again what if it's one of his jokes?

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# A big, fat, despicable Josh Carter hoax?

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# Nah, he wouldn't stoop that low

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# He could never know the truth, man, yo!

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# The game is on Let's raise the stakes

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# This is no time to be playing it safe

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# I got a push them all the way to marriage

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# They could leave school start a new life in Paris

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# And J Carter returns to the throne

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# King of the bunk bed I rule on my own

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# I need to get Miss Poppy to accept

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# That Nathan ain't a donkey with a melon for a head

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# That's going to be really hard to insist

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# That's why I drew up this bulletproof list

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# Of all the lovable things about Nathan

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# Animal-loving gives money to poorer nations

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# Vegetarian, tree-hugging athlete

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# Who once saved an orphanage from a gas leak

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# This might be my last chance to change things

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# Know what? I'm going to ask her. #

0:20:070:20:10

I need you all here first thing tomorrow morning, fresh-faced.

0:20:100:20:13

-No-one is to be late. Are we clear?

-ALL: Yes, Miss.

0:20:130:20:17

Miss? I don't think I can do this. I'm going fail in front of everyone.

0:20:190:20:25

However many times I tell myself, "It's a golden slipper,"

0:20:250:20:28

I still say "glass".

0:20:280:20:30

It's the other way around. It IS a glass slipper.

0:20:300:20:33

HE GROANS

0:20:330:20:35

Right. Fine. I'll get someone else. You're out of the show.

0:20:350:20:39

But my parents are still expecting me to be involved.

0:20:390:20:42

Please, there must be something else I can do.

0:20:420:20:46

I suppose Raj needs an understudy,

0:20:460:20:48

in the unlikely event that he falls ill.

0:20:480:20:51

-Sounds perfect.

-OK.

0:20:510:20:52

RAJ SNEEZES

0:20:520:20:55

Raj, please tell me that's not a cold.

0:20:550:20:58

Dust.

0:20:580:21:00

You do realise that the Princess Dance-athon challenge,

0:21:060:21:10

the one that stands between you and public humiliation, is tomorrow?

0:21:100:21:14

Yeah, but I've been kind of busy

0:21:140:21:16

with this whole Operation Distract Nathan thing.

0:21:160:21:19

I think I'm going to get him to ask out Miss Poppy.

0:21:190:21:21

-What?

-Yeah, I mean,

0:21:210:21:23

if she says yes, he'll have to go teach somewhere else.

0:21:230:21:25

If she says no, he'll be broken-hearted

0:21:250:21:28

and probably leave the school in shame.

0:21:280:21:30

-It's a win-win.

-You do know Miss Poppy already has a boyfriend?

0:21:300:21:33

-Get lost.

-He's the one playing keyboards during the assembly.

0:21:330:21:37

Gives her a lift home every night after rehearsals.

0:21:370:21:40

And you only thought to bring this up now?

0:21:400:21:42

So... Nathan asks out Miss Poppy, her boyfriend beats him up,

0:21:420:21:46

Nathan realises what you've done

0:21:460:21:47

and becomes a ten billion times worse than he is at the moment,

0:21:470:21:51

and then he comes down on you so hard you can't even breathe...

0:21:510:21:55

Night, boys.

0:21:550:21:57

Nathan's going to get mashed up And then I'm going to get mashed up.

0:22:000:22:04

-Hey, Raj?

-Yeah?

-Are you feeling all right?

-I'm good to go.

0:22:280:22:31

Good. I was worrying all night that you would come in today

0:22:310:22:35

with a stomachache or something, and I'd have to play the part.

0:22:350:22:38

Watch out!

0:22:380:22:41

Oh, man!

0:22:430:22:45

I've done a terrible thing.

0:22:510:22:54

I did one of those once. It was well terrible.

0:22:560:23:01

No, sorry, look. I've got to tell Nathan.

0:23:010:23:04

-Look, bruv.

-Sit down.

-No, there's something I need to tell...

0:23:040:23:08

Sit down, bruv. It's about to start.

0:23:080:23:10

Carter, sit down.

0:23:100:23:13

Now, this morning we have something,

0:23:130:23:18

something special for our Friday assembly,

0:23:180:23:21

a modern take on the Cinderella story

0:23:210:23:25

which, I am assured, will not end in disaster.

0:23:250:23:28

Now before we begin, I want all mobile phones switched OFF.

0:23:280:23:31

Psst! Psst, Miss. Raj has hurt himself. He can't stand up.

0:23:310:23:36

What?! You'll have to go on, then.

0:23:360:23:38

I can't. I've been throwing up from stagefright.

0:23:380:23:42

Mel, are you all right?

0:23:450:23:47

I can't have another assembly end in disaster. Byron will explode.

0:23:470:23:52

Is there anything I can do?

0:23:520:23:54

Not unless you want to go on as the prince.

0:23:540:23:57

Now, if, erm, we are, hmm?

0:23:570:24:00

Let the show commence!

0:24:000:24:05

LAUGHTER

0:24:060:24:08

LAUGHTER

0:24:240:24:26

Check it out, people. Prince Charming in dahizhouse, yo.

0:24:260:24:32

I been scopin' bare times for a sweet honey to keep me warm.

0:24:320:24:38

I got me some mad love to offer that special lady, wherever she may be.

0:24:380:24:45

There gotta be someone out there, yeah, who I can share my life

0:24:450:24:51

and my kingdom and my love with, fo' sheezy.

0:24:510:24:55

LAUGHTER

0:24:550:24:57

Oh no. He's about to confess his love for Miss Poppy

0:24:570:25:01

in front of the entire school. I've gotta do something. I've gotta go.

0:25:010:25:05

Excuse me. Sorry.

0:25:050:25:10

'Scuse me. Sorry. Sorry.

0:25:100:25:14

Nathan, look, about Miss Poppy, you need to stop.

0:25:170:25:21

She's already got a boyfriend.

0:25:210:25:22

-What?!

-It's the keyboard guy.

0:25:220:25:26

So who's been sending me those texts?

0:25:260:25:29

It was me. The texts, the rose, they were all me.

0:25:290:25:32

I did them to distract you, and get you off my back.

0:25:320:25:35

All right. Well,

0:25:350:25:39

from now on I'm watching you and your mates more than ever. Right?

0:25:390:25:43

Your freedom is officially at an end.

0:25:430:25:46

Come on, Josh.

0:25:460:25:48

Get off me. Zoe, Marie, let me go! Put me down, man.

0:25:500:25:53

Let me go. Right now. Put me down. Right, I'm not joking. Put me down.

0:25:530:25:57

-Gary, are you All right?

-Not really, no.

0:26:030:26:08

My prince. A glass slipper!

0:26:080:26:13

Yes!

0:26:130:26:15

LAUGHTER

0:26:150:26:18

The Carter Brothers. Are you quite sure the surname's not Chuckle?

0:26:210:26:24

I was only trying to help, sir.

0:26:240:26:27

There's no point dancing at lunch, Carter.

0:26:320:26:34

Those feet can't get across the stage without squashing a keyboard.

0:26:340:26:37

What's going to happen now

0:26:370:26:39

is everyone's going to think you're a massive wazzock.

0:26:390:26:42

Hear that sound? That's your reputation

0:26:420:26:44

being flushed down the toilet.

0:26:440:26:46

Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up.

0:26:460:26:48

Mate, that was awesome. Best assembly ever.

0:26:480:26:50

Forget that stupid thing. Wait till he fluffs up the challenge.

0:26:500:26:53

Who cares about a stupid challenge?

0:26:530:26:56

What happened in here's going to be remembered for ages!

0:26:560:26:59

Hear that? That's the sound of my reputation

0:26:590:27:01

back out of the toilet.

0:27:010:27:03

Eww, like, disgusting!

0:27:030:27:05

You ladies can keep your Princess Dance-athon thing to yourselves.

0:27:050:27:08

I don't need no stupid game to tell me I'm a winner.

0:27:080:27:11

-Two seconds.

-Are you all right?

0:27:180:27:21

We're just on our way to the hospital.

0:27:210:27:24

Make sure nothing's broken.

0:27:240:27:25

I'm sorry about what happened.

0:27:250:27:27

It's fine. Honestly. You were just trying to help.

0:27:270:27:31

On the bright side, no-one caught fire this time.

0:27:310:27:35

And, is your boyfriend all right?

0:27:350:27:37

He's not my boyfriend.

0:27:370:27:39

He's not?

0:27:390:27:40

Gary's my brother.

0:27:400:27:43

Yes!!

0:27:470:27:49

-# Can't live with them

-And you can't kick them out

0:27:540:27:56

-# When they're up They rub it in your face

-Kick you when you're down

0:27:560:27:58

-# When no one understands them

-You know what they're on about

0:27:580:28:01

-# It was going to be your round

-Gotta find a common ground

0:28:010:28:04

# If you know so much about me

0:28:040:28:07

# Where do you I go from here?

0:28:070:28:09

-# If you see them every day

-You can never get away

0:28:090:28:12

# Only time that you're the boss - 4 o'clock! #

0:28:120:28:15

Having his brother Nathan as a teacher at his school is having a disastrous effect on Josh's ability to have fun, scheme schemes and scam scams. Josh raps that the school is 'his manor', not that of his big brother the 'spanner'. So when Josh notices that Nathan is more than a little interested in music teacher Miss Poppy and her modern take on Cinderella, Josh tries to get him off his case by setting up Nathan as her Prince Charming.


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