Assembly 4 O'Clock Club


Assembly

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# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

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# When it's just too much to handle

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# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

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# Wash that stress out like it was shampoo

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# You should stay It can change

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# There's good days and bad days

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# But one day down in line this time be sure to stop

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# So the only time is now - 4 o'clock! 4 o'clock! #

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My parents want me to get more involved with school activities.

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I don't know why you find it so amusing.

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-Because you're acting in the school assembly.

-In Cinderella.

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It's not like I'm being Cinderella. Besides, it's not even Cinderella.

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It's a modern take of the Cinderella story.

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It's a modern take on you being a massive girl.

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If you don't want us to take the mick,

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then maybe you should do more manly activities,

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like wrestling, burping and video games...

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You sayin' girls ain't no good at games?

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-Everyone knows that.

-Shut up, yeah?

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-I'm well awesome at...

-Video games.

-Yeah.

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Well, I reckon I could kick your butt at any game in existence.

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You reckon? So why don't... you know... thingy?

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-Prove it?

-Yeah. Prove it.

-All right. Name your game.

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-Princess Dance-athon.

-Princess Dance-athon's a girl's game.

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I thought you could kick her butt at any game?

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You did walk into that one.

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Yeah, don't try and worm your way

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out of it now, you hairy chicken.

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All right, All right.

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Princess Dance-athon, this Friday, in the AV room.

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Yeah, hope you like the feeling of, you know, thingy.

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-Defeat.

-Will you stop finishing my...whatevers!

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Sentences.

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Princess Dance-athon. Now who's manly?

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Mate, you're going to look well stupid. Have you even played that?

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I could get a copy of it after school. I mean, how hard can it be?

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Everyone knows I have awesome dance moves. Check it.

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ALARM BELL RINGS

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LAUGHTER AND CHATTER

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-Carter!

-Mr Byron. Is that a new tie?

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I'm liking the stripes, you know, a bit of retro-chic.

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Classic.

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What next?

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This term alone he's broken the school fish tank,

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tainted the school water supply and blocked the boy's toilets.

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Technically, that was just one incident.

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The boy is a menace.

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Unless something is done, he will be the second Carter brother

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to fail his way through Elmsbury.

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Yes, sir. I'll deal with it.

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So I've got a week's detention with my brother. Big deal.

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Detention's going to eat into your training

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for your girly dance game showdown thing.

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So? I'll bunk off a few lessons to make up for it.

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There's bound to be tutorials online.

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-I can just watch it on my phone.

-You can't bunk off!

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What's the worst that could happen?

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-Another week's detention? I'm so scared!

-You should be scared.

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-What's up, bruv?

-It's "sir" from now on.

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It's a what now...?

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When we're in school, you call me sir or Mr Carter.

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Get a grip!

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Do we have to call you sir as well, sir?

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We already had to call him sir, you fish nugget.

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Sir.

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From now on, my eyes are going to be like lasers. I'll be your shadow.

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If I get even a sniff of trouble, I'll be on you like a puma.

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I'll tell mum you hit me.

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I'll tell her you told me you'd tell her I hit you.

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I'll tell mum you hit me then that you said

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you'd tell her I said you hit me.

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I'll tell mum you told me you'd tell her I hit you,

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and then I'll tell her you told me you'd tell her I told you that.

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The point is, from now on in, I'm going to make it my business

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to keep you out of trouble.

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Do you understand?

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Bring it on...sir.

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# Over 3,000 schools in the country

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# Someone tell me why he picked my one, please

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# Look how old he's become

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# He's like my brother, dad and granddad rolled into one

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# Such a cheeky little know-it-all

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How does he go through school without coppin' it?

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# Have to put a stop to it

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# This is my job and it's serious It ain't a joke

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# And today it won't be ruined by my baby bro

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# Huh! He thinks he's so clean-cut

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# And he was even worse than me as a teen but

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# Now he thinks that he can turn around and teach us

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# Well, I think you've got a short memory, bruv

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# Huh, he thinks he's so cool, look

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# Running round like a small crook as if it's all good

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# But as any teacher or any school should

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# I'm getting reacquainted with the rule book

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# He's not ready for me, man trust me

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# I've got so much dirt on him he can't touch me

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# And if he does he'll get burnt like a candlestick

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# I'm the boss, now let's see how he handles it

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# He's not ready for me, man trust me

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# I've got so much dirt on him he can't touch me

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# And if he does he'll get burnt like a candlestick

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# I'm the boss, now let's see how he handles it

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# Sensible shoes to be worn with the uniform

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# And no sneaking in your own books through the door

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# And you could never back-chat to a teacher

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# Matter of fact, just call me "sir" when I meet ya

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# And if he likes we can battle in the school halls

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# But at home he knows I'm ignoring all rules

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# And if thinks I'll call him "sir" then he's got a twist

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# At the very best I guess I might just call him "Miss"

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# Disrespect for your peers is a no-go zone

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# So is use of your mobile phone right?

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# Any time except break in the school day

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# And any place, too even in the hallway

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# Only one word for that guy - "spanner"

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# Now he's at Elmsbury high my manor

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# And he can have me in detention for a year

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# I'll still keep singing the same sentence in his ear

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# He's not ready for me, man trust me

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# I've got so much dirt on him he can't touch me

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# And if he does he'll get burnt like a candlestick

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# I'm the boss, now let's see how he handles it

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# He's not ready for me, man trust me

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# I've got so much dirt on him he can't touch me

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# And if he does he'll get burnt like a candlestick

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# I'm the boss, now let's see how he handles it. #

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BELL RINGS

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DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

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-MUSIC STOPS

-Hey!

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You got homework, bruv. I told you - till you start focusing,

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there's no TV, no music, no going out, and definitely no video games.

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But I need to play that game.

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I've got a reputation to maintain, man.

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What about me? I've got a reputation to maintain, too.

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-Come on, Nathan, this is serious.

-Na-na-na-na.

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-Na-na-na.

-Na-na-na-na! See the homework.

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DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

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-Exit, Cinderella.

-And cue Ryan...!

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My prince. A golden slipper!

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It's a glass slipper, Ryan.

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-I said glass.

-You said golden.

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-No, I Didn't!

-Did, didiot!

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Stop. OK, we need to get this right.

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I did get it right.

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Did not, Ryan.

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Mr Byron has made it perfectly clear that he won't tolerate

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another assembly ending in disaster.

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So we need to make this the most impressive, most perfect,

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most disaster-free Friday assembly that Elmsbury has ever seen.

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Are we clear on that?

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I wish they'd all end like that last one. It was classic.

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Mrs Bachelor's wig caught alight. She was severely traumatised.

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-You did get the line wrong, Ryan.

-Shut-up!

-Stop it!

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If you're going to argue,

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-I'd rather you dropped out.

-No, I can't!

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My mum says quitters who show jitters will never be big hitters.

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Plus, she'll shout at me. I have to do this.

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Stop getting it wrong. Let's go from the top. OK.

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BELL RINGS

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You're loving this.

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Oh, yeah, right. Sure. I mean, what could be more fun

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than sitting in here keeping you from being out there causing trouble.

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Hm? I'm having so much fun I could burst!

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Hey, Mel...Mel. How's it hanging?

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Any chance I could nab Josh for a bit of heavy lifting?

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Josh. Help Miss Poppy.

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Oh, and straight back here afterwards.

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He's always on my case. Always down my throat.

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I mean, I can't even train at home any more.

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I'm going to get beaten at a girls' game by a girl.

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Hope you're getting lots of practice in for Friday, Josh.

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You're well going to need it.

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Yeah, because if you fail, you're going to look pretty stupid.

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Pretty stupid, indeed.

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OK, Ryan, we need you.

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Everyone, listen up.

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Let's recap.

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So, the Prince is lovesick after Cinderella has visited the palace,

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leaving behind a glass slipper.

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Yeah, I know it's a glass slipper.

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Judging from the 50 times you've said golden, I'd beg to differ.

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He knows she's out there. Destiny is calling, but who is she?

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He's driven mad trying to discover the identity of his secret love.

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he can't concentrate on ruling his kingdom

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until he finds out who his admirer really is.

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Bingo.

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-I'm going to make Nathan think Miss Poppy has a crush on him.

-Why?

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Because, I think he likes her.

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And if he thinks she likes him,

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he'll be too distracted to keep having a go at me.

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Why can't you use your phone?

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He knows my number.

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What do you want me to say?

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"Don't tell no-one, but I want you to be my Prince Charming, love M."

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-M?

-Yeah, Mel's her first name.

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How long is this going to go on for?

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A couple of days. Just to give me space to practise.

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Now stop whining, and get texting.

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MOBILE BEEPS

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It's going to work. Trust me.

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He was texting me all flipping night. "Who are you?

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"Is this who I think it is?"

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When he wasn't texting, he was ringing.

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-I had to turn my phone off.

-Why didn't you text back?

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Didn't want to use up my free messages.

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Well, I didn't get a word of grief off him all last night.

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But He just keeps asking if Miss Poppy said anything to me about him.

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-I think he properly likes her.

-So did you get to practise?

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Not quite, but now that the plan's working

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I'll have time to practise till my feet fall off.

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Heads up!

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Ow! Watch it, you...king prawn.

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What we talking about?

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Josh's brother thinks I fancy him.

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-And do you?

-Ha-ha-ha. Funny guy.

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-Give us your phone.

-No way! You've already used it enough.

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I need to say that Miss Poppy wants to meet him at break time.

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-Why?

-'Cos when Prince Charming goes off waiting for love to strike,

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I can head to the AV room and practice my dance moves.

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Hand it over.

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Ryan, we all know you're going to give in eventually,

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-so just cut to the chase.

-Fine.

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"See you in car park at break... sweet thing?"

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Hi, Mel.

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Good morning, Mr Carter.

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So I'll see you at break then... sweet thing.

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-Sweet thing?

-I've actually got rehearsals at break.

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Yes. That's what I meant. So...

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DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

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You! A word.

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How about "killjoy"? That's a nice word.

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Is it you who's been sending texts, winding me up,

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pretending to be Miss Poppy?

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-Why is everything always my fault?

-Because it usually is.

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What did they say?

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If it is you, Josh, you need to try harder,

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because I've blocked the number.

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-And I'm confiscating this.

-Oh, what?!

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See you in detention.

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You heard the man, we need to try harder.

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Talking to yourself. Not cool.

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Hello? Sir? Miss?

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Ah, Mr Carter, I put something in your pigeonhole for you.

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"Soz I couldn't make break time, my prince."

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Three kisses?

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HE GROANS

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-Did you get my note?

-Yes.

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Yeah, I did.

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And, erm, I'm very flattered,

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but, erm, I really think we should draw a line under this.

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Under what?

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I don't know if I led you on,

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but I'm new here, Anita,

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I don't want to rock the boat.

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I mean, I think you're really... nice.

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You're just...not really my type.

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I only wanted to ask

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why you were still parking in my space

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despite the note I put in your pigeonhole

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requesting that you stop.

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So, You didn't leave a rose in there?

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Most certainly not.

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And for your information, you're not my type either!

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Look, how can I distract him now?

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You could use a series of giant mirrors to dazzle him.

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Or I could send him a perfumed cushion in the shape of a heart.

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-Or a monkey in a box.

-Why is that your answer to everything?

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Monkeys are cool.

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Guys, which do you think sounds better?

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"My prince - a golden slipper!"

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Or, "MY prince - a golden slipper!"

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Or, "My prince - a GOLDEN slipper!"

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Isn't it glass slipper?

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GLASS slipper, you utter, utter, plank shop!

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Where's Ryan?

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Ryan, can you stop messing around, please?

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Got it! look, we go back to Miss Poppy,

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but we actually get her and Nathan together!

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Not sure Byron would like two of his teachers getting it on.

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Even better!

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Nathan would have to resign if he wants to ask her out.

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Forget getting him off my back for the dance-off,

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I could get him off my back permanently.

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I swear it's not me making a wind-up.

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It has to be Miss Poppy.

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Why wouldn't she like you?

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You're young, you're good-looking, maybe...

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But then, why doesn't she just come out and say something to my face?

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I don't know how girls' brains work. Maybe she's shy

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or maybe she doesn't realise you fancy her yet.

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-I do not fancy her!

-You so do. I've see how you look at her.

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Fine. Maybe I do like her a little bit, but that doesn't mean...

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Oh my days, you should so ask her out. Oh, but wait.

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Byron's wouldn't like two of his teachers dating, would he?

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-Perhaps you should resign first.

-You wish.

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# Should I or shouldn't I? Nah!

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# Should I or shouldn't I? Yeah!

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# Should I or shouldn't I? Nah! #

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HE SIGHS

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# There she goes again running off with my heart

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# Not literally Mine's not that large, but

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# Still it could be torn in half like card, I could

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# Take a chance and ask but would she laugh

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# In my face and basically think I'm crazy?

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# Then we still have to see each other daily

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# Pretending it's all good that'd be awkward

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# But I've got to put my best foot forward

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# Cos she might say yes

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# That would make my life the best till Byron gets stressed

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# And what if Josh is right?

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# Then it'd be a day in my life when I stay or resign

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# Then again what if it's one of his jokes?

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# A big, fat, despicable Josh Carter hoax?

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# Nah, he wouldn't stoop that low

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# He could never know the truth, man, yo!

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# The game is on Let's raise the stakes

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# This is no time to be playing it safe

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# I got a push them all the way to marriage

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# They could leave school start a new life in Paris

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# And J Carter returns to the throne

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# King of the bunk bed I rule on my own

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# I need to get Miss Poppy to accept

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# That Nathan ain't a donkey with a melon for a head

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# That's going to be really hard to insist

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# That's why I drew up this bulletproof list

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# Of all the lovable things about Nathan

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# Animal-loving gives money to poorer nations

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# Vegetarian, tree-hugging athlete

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# Who once saved an orphanage from a gas leak

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# This might be my last chance to change things

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# Know what? I'm going to ask her. #

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I need you all here first thing tomorrow morning, fresh-faced.

0:20:100:20:13

-No-one is to be late. Are we clear?

-ALL: Yes, Miss.

0:20:130:20:17

Miss? I don't think I can do this. I'm going fail in front of everyone.

0:20:190:20:25

However many times I tell myself, "It's a golden slipper,"

0:20:250:20:28

I still say "glass".

0:20:280:20:30

It's the other way around. It IS a glass slipper.

0:20:300:20:33

HE GROANS

0:20:330:20:35

Right. Fine. I'll get someone else. You're out of the show.

0:20:350:20:39

But my parents are still expecting me to be involved.

0:20:390:20:42

Please, there must be something else I can do.

0:20:420:20:46

I suppose Raj needs an understudy,

0:20:460:20:48

in the unlikely event that he falls ill.

0:20:480:20:51

-Sounds perfect.

-OK.

0:20:510:20:52

RAJ SNEEZES

0:20:520:20:55

Raj, please tell me that's not a cold.

0:20:550:20:58

Dust.

0:20:580:21:00

You do realise that the Princess Dance-athon challenge,

0:21:060:21:10

the one that stands between you and public humiliation, is tomorrow?

0:21:100:21:14

Yeah, but I've been kind of busy

0:21:140:21:16

with this whole Operation Distract Nathan thing.

0:21:160:21:19

I think I'm going to get him to ask out Miss Poppy.

0:21:190:21:21

-What?

-Yeah, I mean,

0:21:210:21:23

if she says yes, he'll have to go teach somewhere else.

0:21:230:21:25

If she says no, he'll be broken-hearted

0:21:250:21:28

and probably leave the school in shame.

0:21:280:21:30

-It's a win-win.

-You do know Miss Poppy already has a boyfriend?

0:21:300:21:33

-Get lost.

-He's the one playing keyboards during the assembly.

0:21:330:21:37

Gives her a lift home every night after rehearsals.

0:21:370:21:40

And you only thought to bring this up now?

0:21:400:21:42

So... Nathan asks out Miss Poppy, her boyfriend beats him up,

0:21:420:21:46

Nathan realises what you've done

0:21:460:21:47

and becomes a ten billion times worse than he is at the moment,

0:21:470:21:51

and then he comes down on you so hard you can't even breathe...

0:21:510:21:55

Night, boys.

0:21:550:21:57

Nathan's going to get mashed up And then I'm going to get mashed up.

0:22:000:22:04

-Hey, Raj?

-Yeah?

-Are you feeling all right?

-I'm good to go.

0:22:280:22:31

Good. I was worrying all night that you would come in today

0:22:310:22:35

with a stomachache or something, and I'd have to play the part.

0:22:350:22:38

Watch out!

0:22:380:22:41

Oh, man!

0:22:430:22:45

I've done a terrible thing.

0:22:510:22:54

I did one of those once. It was well terrible.

0:22:560:23:01

No, sorry, look. I've got to tell Nathan.

0:23:010:23:04

-Look, bruv.

-Sit down.

-No, there's something I need to tell...

0:23:040:23:08

Sit down, bruv. It's about to start.

0:23:080:23:10

Carter, sit down.

0:23:100:23:13

Now, this morning we have something,

0:23:130:23:18

something special for our Friday assembly,

0:23:180:23:21

a modern take on the Cinderella story

0:23:210:23:25

which, I am assured, will not end in disaster.

0:23:250:23:28

Now before we begin, I want all mobile phones switched OFF.

0:23:280:23:31

Psst! Psst, Miss. Raj has hurt himself. He can't stand up.

0:23:310:23:36

What?! You'll have to go on, then.

0:23:360:23:38

I can't. I've been throwing up from stagefright.

0:23:380:23:42

Mel, are you all right?

0:23:450:23:47

I can't have another assembly end in disaster. Byron will explode.

0:23:470:23:52

Is there anything I can do?

0:23:520:23:54

Not unless you want to go on as the prince.

0:23:540:23:57

Now, if, erm, we are, hmm?

0:23:570:24:00

Let the show commence!

0:24:000:24:05

LAUGHTER

0:24:060:24:08

LAUGHTER

0:24:240:24:26

Check it out, people. Prince Charming in dahizhouse, yo.

0:24:260:24:32

I been scopin' bare times for a sweet honey to keep me warm.

0:24:320:24:38

I got me some mad love to offer that special lady, wherever she may be.

0:24:380:24:45

There gotta be someone out there, yeah, who I can share my life

0:24:450:24:51

and my kingdom and my love with, fo' sheezy.

0:24:510:24:55

LAUGHTER

0:24:550:24:57

Oh no. He's about to confess his love for Miss Poppy

0:24:570:25:01

in front of the entire school. I've gotta do something. I've gotta go.

0:25:010:25:05

Excuse me. Sorry.

0:25:050:25:10

'Scuse me. Sorry. Sorry.

0:25:100:25:14

Nathan, look, about Miss Poppy, you need to stop.

0:25:170:25:21

She's already got a boyfriend.

0:25:210:25:22

-What?!

-It's the keyboard guy.

0:25:220:25:26

So who's been sending me those texts?

0:25:260:25:29

It was me. The texts, the rose, they were all me.

0:25:290:25:32

I did them to distract you, and get you off my back.

0:25:320:25:35

All right. Well,

0:25:350:25:39

from now on I'm watching you and your mates more than ever. Right?

0:25:390:25:43

Your freedom is officially at an end.

0:25:430:25:46

Come on, Josh.

0:25:460:25:48

Get off me. Zoe, Marie, let me go! Put me down, man.

0:25:500:25:53

Let me go. Right now. Put me down. Right, I'm not joking. Put me down.

0:25:530:25:57

-Gary, are you All right?

-Not really, no.

0:26:030:26:08

My prince. A glass slipper!

0:26:080:26:13

Yes!

0:26:130:26:15

LAUGHTER

0:26:150:26:18

The Carter Brothers. Are you quite sure the surname's not Chuckle?

0:26:210:26:24

I was only trying to help, sir.

0:26:240:26:27

There's no point dancing at lunch, Carter.

0:26:320:26:34

Those feet can't get across the stage without squashing a keyboard.

0:26:340:26:37

What's going to happen now

0:26:370:26:39

is everyone's going to think you're a massive wazzock.

0:26:390:26:42

Hear that sound? That's your reputation

0:26:420:26:44

being flushed down the toilet.

0:26:440:26:46

Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up.

0:26:460:26:48

Mate, that was awesome. Best assembly ever.

0:26:480:26:50

Forget that stupid thing. Wait till he fluffs up the challenge.

0:26:500:26:53

Who cares about a stupid challenge?

0:26:530:26:56

What happened in here's going to be remembered for ages!

0:26:560:26:59

Hear that? That's the sound of my reputation

0:26:590:27:01

back out of the toilet.

0:27:010:27:03

Eww, like, disgusting!

0:27:030:27:05

You ladies can keep your Princess Dance-athon thing to yourselves.

0:27:050:27:08

I don't need no stupid game to tell me I'm a winner.

0:27:080:27:11

-Two seconds.

-Are you all right?

0:27:180:27:21

We're just on our way to the hospital.

0:27:210:27:24

Make sure nothing's broken.

0:27:240:27:25

I'm sorry about what happened.

0:27:250:27:27

It's fine. Honestly. You were just trying to help.

0:27:270:27:31

On the bright side, no-one caught fire this time.

0:27:310:27:35

And, is your boyfriend all right?

0:27:350:27:37

He's not my boyfriend.

0:27:370:27:39

He's not?

0:27:390:27:40

Gary's my brother.

0:27:400:27:43

Yes!!

0:27:470:27:49

-# Can't live with them

-And you can't kick them out

0:27:540:27:56

-# When they're up They rub it in your face

-Kick you when you're down

0:27:560:27:58

-# When no one understands them

-You know what they're on about

0:27:580:28:01

-# It was going to be your round

-Gotta find a common ground

0:28:010:28:04

# If you know so much about me

0:28:040:28:07

# Where do you I go from here?

0:28:070:28:09

-# If you see them every day

-You can never get away

0:28:090:28:12

# Only time that you're the boss - 4 o'clock! #

0:28:120:28:15

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