Ice Cream 4 O'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle?

# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

# Wash that stress out like it was shampoo

# You should stay, it can change

# There's good days and bad days

# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

# So the only time is now, 4 o'clock. #

There it is. Vampire Ninja 4.

The rarest and most valuable Vampire Ninja game EVER!

Then why's it in a charity shop window for £1.49?

They don't know what they're holding, do they?

Look, this is the game that got banned

for being too full of psycho kung-fu bloodsuckers.

My mum says people who play violent video games

always end up in prison.

I'm just saying.

Anyway, look, only 100 copies were released,

and they reckon the government have most of them in a bunker.

OK, so it's worth a fortune. Why didn't you buy it?

Cos, doorknob, the shop only opens after nine.

Going to have to head up there after school.

Are you just going to keep spending all your lunch money on ice creams?

Course. It's got all the main food groups.

Fat, cones, and coldness.

And raspberry sauce is one of my five-a-day.

You do know Mr Bell's banned everyone

from coming to the ice cream van?

Oh, no, I'm so scared(!)

Ding Dong's made a new rule!

Best eat quicker before I get caught!

You what? Dong-Ding can chew his rules with his stupid face-hole!

I'm getting a Mr Swirly!

And my mum says ice cream rots your tongue.

Your mum rots my will to live.

Ryan, you're such a wuss. What's Bell going to do?

Send teachers out here to catch us?

-Hey!

-That man is evil!

I left my briefcase there again.

Out of the way! There's a mad bull!

Oh!

Argh! Brain freeze!

Come on, Ash! Stop eating!

ICE CREAM SPLATS

SHE SHOUTS Detention! All of you!

Some people say,

"Oh, you can't stop the kids

"from going out of the grounds at lunchtime!

"Ooh, you can't stop the kids

"from splattering your Deputy Head with ice cream."

You.

Me?

Is that the sort of thing you would say?

Well, I, er...

-No?

-Good.

Because it's a fine line between buying ice cream and truancy,

and from now on, there's a zero tolerance on both.

We'll be monitoring the exits during break.

The kids can buy all the junk they want from the school tuck shop.

Let's just think about the budget. Yes?

Now before you go, I'd like to introduce W...PC Rowe,

our new Police Liaison Officer.

I want Elmsbury to be a safe and trusting environment for everyone.

Which is why we're also installing these security cameras.

Right, go on. Off you go. We're all done.

That seems a bit heavy-handed, doesn't it?

-They're kids, not criminals.

-Yeah. Oh!

Miss Andress tells me that you saw students buying ice cream

and you didn't stop them. Is that right?

Well, they said there was a mad bull.

It all happened very quickly.

Dexter, I want you to flourish here,

and sometimes, for something to flourish, it needs to be cared for.

Tended, watered, pruning away any wayward sprouts. You follow me?

You want to prune my sprouts?

I'm going to make a special project out of you, Dexter.

I might drop in to one of your lessons tomorrow.

See how you're getting on.

Mel, walk with me. Have you ever been to an educators' conference?

You've got a bit of ice cream on...

Oh, that's not mine. I...I didn't go to the ice cream van.

HE RAPS # Why's it always like this?

# In the face of authority I seem to go to bits

# And it's the same deal with my dad

# I remember one time He was really, really mad

# So mad, I hid in my bed Never forget that

# So scared, there might've been a little wet patch

# Looking back on those days, They were never fun

# Wow, how old was I then? Oh, yeah, 21

# Anyway, the point remains

# That my temper is the type a choir boy could tame

# Everybody walks over me It's a habit

# Even baby deer, kittens and bunny rabbits

# And it's madness I gotta make it stop, right?

# Before Bell finds out I'm a soft type!

# But I'm not the type to back out of a challenge

# It's time to look tough Like this, I'd imagine. #

# It's weird, people in charge have never bothered me

# Maybe deep down they sense my authority

# Yeah, I might be just a small guy with glasses

# But I'm still the type you'd probably like to walk to class with

# Cos the chances are, I'm bunking

# Dexter Harris, I'll show you how I run things

# Scoot past Andress, dodging Poppy like this

# Right in front of Ding-Dong, playing Jedi mind tricks

# Prince Carter, label me imperious

# That King of the Castle rhyme? I took it serious

# I was born for the throne, It's inherited

# Dexter, a boss? Uh-uh! Negative!

# Him running anything is unlikely

# He ain't really got a following like me

# In fact, that's just the following that might be

# The perfect thing to turn against him that I need. #

Nice work, roll-mop.

I'm not allowed out at lunch time, thanks to you

splattin' all on Andress, you cone-chucking flailbucket.

Wait, wait. This isn't my fault.

-Josh, could you stop talking, please?

-She started it.

Anyway, I just wanted us to talk about this...

Einstein's right for once.

These new rules are all about what you did to Mandress.

Could we all calm down, please,

and perhaps concentrate on what you think about this?

It was his fault.

If he was acting like a proper responsible teacher at the gate,

Ash would never have got brain freeze

and Andress wouldn't have got her shoes 99'd.

Hang on, I don't think...

Getting a Mr Swirly is like, my human rights.

Yes, well, it's not actually me who says you can't buy ice creams.

Oh, right. Can we go, cos that's the reason we're in detention?

Er, no.

Right, so you are sayin' we can't buy ice creams?

And that we can't go out at lunch?

Yeah, and if you didn't got freaked about some random bull,

then Andress wouldn't even of got cornet shoes.

You're a well rubbish teacher.

THEY CLAMOUR IN AGREEMENT

Don't worry, sir. You'll get the hang of it one day.

Hey, Ash, we're going to swing by the charity shop. You coming?

I'm not going to some souped-up cardie outlet.

Even if Ryan does need a new pair of grundies.

Ha-ha.

We're going for this stupid vintage game Josh is on about.

Ladies, most of my dinner ended up all over Andress.

There's only one place I'm going. To the ice cream van.

Don't let them get to you, sir. It's only because you're a pushover.

I am not a pushover.

I'm sorry, sir. But I'm afraid you are.

Am I?

See? You back down straight away. If I can push you around,

what chance have you got with them animals?

So why are you always in detention?

From what I can see, it's cos you don't get your homework done.

I don't really want to talk about it, sir.

But you need to do set work.

What happened to the work I set you last week?

-That was supposed to be in today.

-I'll have it tomorrow.

OK. Tomorrow. But you should really...

I'm sorry, sir. I've got to go.

Sorry, loves. I can't stop near the school any more.

That policewoman's just told me to move on.

What? There's no law against eatin' freeze pops!

Since when was there ice cream police?

I'll stop round the corner tomorrow. Tell your friends.

Don't go! I want my Twistyflake! You're oppressin' my rights!

RUMBLING

Eeurgh, Ashley. Was that your guts?

Extra sprinkles tomorrow. I promise.

ICE CREAM VAN CHIMES

Ah, Mel, I wondered if you'd, erm,

given any thought to joining me at the conference?

Well, I...it's very flattering that you've thought of me.

But wouldn't it be more appropriate to take Miss Andress?

Oh, good one! Oh, you're serious.

Well, there's no doubt that Anita is a formidable enforcer,

but prince doesn't need to take his Rottweiler to the ball, does he?

There's a lot of important people there

and I need to weave my magic.

-And what does every good magician need?

-To inexplicably vanish?

No. A glamorous assistant.

Bit of eye-candy to enhance the mystique.

And operate the projector.

(That's you.)

So what do you think?

That's right, it's a big break.

Think about it.

What kind of messed-up shop closes at five o'clock?

One that doesn't know the price of rare video games?

But it's cool. Look, we'll just come back after school tomorrow.

No-one knows it's here.

Vampire Ninja Four?! Unbelievable!

-I'll be back!

-No, scratch that. We're going to have to come back

at lunchtime tomorrow and get here before Darius.

But, Mr Bell's banned us from going out at lunch.

We can't break the rules!

C'mon, Ryan, how's he even going to know?

It's not as if he's got eyes everywhere, is it?

It's no good, Josh, we'll never get out.

They've got every exit covered.

Hey, Mel. Listen, do you think I'm a pushover?

Are you OK?

-I've just got called a bit of eye-candy.

-Oh, kids.

By the headmaster! He wants me to be his magical assistant.

I could report him for that.

Don't rock the boat. Not before he checks out my lesson.

Do you think I should go big on the whole discipline thing tomorrow?

I just can't get the other kids to pay attention.

Not "the other kids." Just the kids.

You're a teacher.

Right. Yeah. So what should I do?

Just do a good lesson.

Then you'll look good and I'll look good.

Relax, you'll be fine. You've done a lesson plan, yeah?

I have! It's in my brief case...

HE HUMS

KEY TURNS IN LOCK

Oh, no!

CARETAKER HUMS OFF-KEY

Hello, hello. I'm still here. Come on!

So, new plan. After school, Ash'll be on lookout for Darius.

You come here, catch my bag like this, or not.

I leg it, snag the game, Darius chokes on my dust.

Don't think you're going to beat me to that game, Carter.

Yeah, yeah, of course not. I've just decided to give up.

-So, yeah, you can head up there...

-Take off your shoes.

If you've given up, you won't mind tiptoeing home in your socks.

HE LAUGHS

I should've known I couldn't fool you, Dee.

You might want to step back, cos I've got this fungal foot rot thing.

It's kind of bad, so...

So, Mel, the conference...

Oh, yes...er unfortunately, my nan is ill.

Oh. Nothing serious, I hope?

No, not serious. Quite serious.

Serious enough that I need to visit her this weekend.

Oh, right. That is a shame.

Girl. You've given me the wrong change. What are two 38s?

Two, four, six...

It's 24p change. What do they teach you at school?

Hi, Agness. Have you got that homework I asked about?

-Free doughnut, sir?

-Wow. Thanks.

Just don't let him see!

Mr Harris. I'll be coming to see your lesson after lunch.

I hope you're prepared.

I will be. HE GULPS

HE CHOKES

Thanks.

You've got a doughnut up your jumper.

This isn't what it looks like.

Why? What does it look like?

Hey, hey. No running.

Yeah, whatever.

# That is it! That is the last lone straw!

# Dexter Harris will be a pushover no more!

# In fact, I'll be the opposite!

# The opposite of pushover

# Um, err a pullunder!

# Yeah! I'll pull 'em under my spell

# And be the greatest leader that they've seen since Bell!

# Bell. Why does Bell spell Hell?

# Why do I turn frail if I'm near where he dwells?

# I have to get over it

# And I have to show the kids I'm the boss

# Then I hope that he notices

# If I don't put my foot down, Bell

# Well, he'll probably have me put down

# And replaced with a strict disciplinarian

# Who hates librarians and eats vegetarians

# It's time for me to make a stand at this school

# Meet the new Dexter!

# I am the rules

# Yeeeaaaaaahhhhhh! #

Detention!

Give it to Darius, he's the one that was chasing us!

Save it, Josh!

Don't fret, Carter. Maybe I'll let you play that game one time. Maybe.

Thanks. Thanks a lot, yeah!

-Sir, can I just...

-You too. Detention for running.

AGNESS GIGGLES

Agness. Where's that homework?

-Actually, sir, could I have a quiet word?

-No, you can't.

-You see, it's my mum...

-I don't want to hear it! OK?

I've had enough of your excuses, all of you.

Have you done it or not?

-Well, detention for you too.

-Sir, you can't!

And order is restored.

Yeah, I've got a way out.

Got a group going in two minutes. It'll cost you though.

£2?

This girl wants me to pay her £2 just to show me

some hole in the fence? No way, man!

Whatever. But...my way was good enough for Darius.

What was it he said? "Got to get there before Carter."

Join the others.

Where's Darius? I thought you said...

-He went out in the last convoy.

-Come on. We've got to move.

I don't know. I think maybe I've changed my mind.

You've got to be kidding me.

Yeah. I'd love to go, but you know what my mum says,

"Breaking rules is the sport of fools." You go.

I'll stay here. Keep an eye on things until you get back.

I'm not scared or anything.

HE MIMICS CHICKEN

Josh!

-What are you doing out of school?

-Aw, don't worry, sir. I just...

No, I will worry. Or rather, you will.

What do you take me for? I'm your teacher.

And you're in big trouble.

Is there some sort of reason you're still skulking around here?

Just...waiting for Josh.

Do you think Josh'll want to see you after you chickened out?

-I didn't chicken out!

-So why are you so sweaty?

Why are you standing as far from the hole as you can?

I'm just...a sweaty person.

Right, well, why don't you come and stand a bit nearer then? Come on.

See, how's that?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm really relaxed.

See? I don't care about getting caught. I'm a rebel. Like you.

Really? Seeing as how you're a rebel just like me,

then why don't you keep lookout? How's that?

You can prove you've got some guts after all.

-Sweet ice cream.

-Will you stop followin' me around everywhere?

I'm not following you around.

How come you're behind me everywhere I look?

Oh, wow. I am, aren't I? I wonder what that means?

It means you're harassing me like a creep. You can forget it.

You had a chance with me last year and you blew it.

-Yes, love?

-Yeah. All right! The only way you'll get me alone

is if you like make everyone else in the world disappear.

How'd you do that?

Andress!

Stay quiet. I think she saw us.

Quick!

-Ashley!

-Get in.

ENGINE STARTS

-This is so unfair.

-No, what's unfair is you lot messing with me

so much, I've got Bell sitting in on my next class.

So why don't you let me off and I make sure that

everyone behaves or something?

I'm through listening to you, Josh. From now on, we do it by the book.

I don't believe this! No homework. And now out of school.

-I can't believe I gave you a chance.

-But, sir...

-I don't want to hear it. Back to school now.

-But...

BABY CRIES

Not listening! Yeah. See how you like it.

Where were you? I told you not to leave him.

I was only gone for a minute.

And what would have happened if someone had run off with him?

-I got to look after you, haven't I?

-Sorry.

HE RAPS # I'm not the rules, I'm a fool

# So focussed on myself that I didn't see at all

# There I am, acting as the world's hardest teacher

# She nearly left an unattended baby in the street, ahh

# Trying not to be a clown

# Let a girl down, I'm a bigger clown now

# With all that Agness has to do on her own

# Can't even imagine what she's going through at home

# Guess it puts it all in perspective

# Now I know why she was being so overprotective

# And suddenly I feel so selfish

# Trying to help myself when there's good girl helpless

# Why'd I never ask her before

# Why she's always tired Hands rough from the chores?

# Maybe she thinks it's normal To me it's totally crazy

# She's just a baby Who's taking care of a baby

# And you could say She keeps it to herself

# But her face tells a tale She never told anyone else

# While the rest of us Are getting our kicks

# Agness is home Cos her mum's been sick

# Taking care of her brothers And her sis

# For the past few years Been a mother and a kid

# And she's chained to the sink Most days

# No time for school No work, no play

# All she knows is how to be helpful

# But ask her to spell that word She couldn't tell you

# Reading, writing, arithmetic

# She's always struggled Just to get to grips with it

# And somehow managed To keep it all secret

# Never does her homework, hard to believe it

# But if you ask her She won't let a sound out

# So she'd rather not try Than be found out

# Why'd I never stop and think?

# "Are you OK?" Can be said in a blink

# Sometimes you get So hung up on yourself

# You just don't see there might be a problem for someone else. #

I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, Agness.

I'll get you some help, yeah?

See if I can sort out some extra tuition on your reading.

I don't want people to think I'm stupid.

Nah, come on, man. You're not stupid.

What you've been doing for your mum, it's incredible.

Where do you need to go?

I've got to drop Sidney at my aunt's before she goes out.

-OK. I'll give you a lift.

-You might have a problem with that.

HE GROANS

Now you got me in the back of an ice cream van.

Is that supposed to impress me?

-Shhh!

-I'm not shuttin' up. You shut up.

We'd better not have missed her!

HANDLE RATTLES

You've ruined everything.

Now who's going to look after my little brother?

What if we take him with us? Like back to school.

I can't take him into lessons!

But I know someone who can look after him. It's a good idea.

-We'll never make it.

-We will if we run. Come on.

OK! OK! Listen, listen, listen.

Right, I'm sorry I trapped you in an ice cream van.

And about the disco last year, and them girls.

But just think about the genius of where we are right now.

-How's this genius?

-Because of this.

-Ah, man! They closed it up!

-OK, we'll go in through the gate.

No way! I'll get done, won't I?

Or expelled! Break's over. We're truant.

I'm supposed to be in there showing Me Bell what a great teacher I am!

Wait, I've got someone who can get us in. Trust me.

PHONE RINGS

TYRES SCREECH

Hey! What are you doing?!

It's all right. We're going to pay. Give her the money.

Get out of my van!

Where are we?

-He's not picking up.

-OK, let me try.

Mel!

Just on my way to Dexter's class. Has he started?

-PHONE RINGS

-I expect so.

-Good.

Hello. You're where?

Mr Bell!

The conference. I would really like to go.

Great news. What made you change your mind.?

Um...the opportunity...

..to assist...you.

Excellent. But what about your gran? You said she was really sick?

She's always sick.

So I'll go and visit her the next weekend.

She'll probably still be sick. Maybe even more.

Tell me about your presentation.

It's no good. Bell's got her.

Hey, you guys!

Where have you been?

Well, we got trapped in the back of an ice cream van,

dumped miles away, which will never happen again.

Still think it's not as bad as it looks?

OK. Last chance.

PHONE RINGS

Hello. What? I can't just sneak out. That's totally against the...

I'll be right down.

Watch and learn.

# MUSIC: "Theme From Mission Impossible"

Ryan! No!

Don't worry, I can do this!

Ryan, I know, but...

HE YELLS IN SLOW MOTION

I broke the rules! See? I can do it!

How are we supposed get back in?

You must work very hard.

I do. It isn't easy.

Let's go and see how Dexter's getting on.

OK. OK. Here's what we do. Josh, let me give you a bunk up.

But how are you going to get in, sir?

The gates. I'll tell 'em I got locked out by mistake.

Let's face it, it's the sort of thing they'll believe.

-But at least you lot won't get caught.

-Push me up.

Stop playin', man.

So. Now we're talking, tell me what were you doing out of school.

Well...I was after Vampire Ninja Four.

It seemed really important at the time.

It's overhyped, anyway. Not a patch on number three.

A mate bought me a copy back from Japan.

You can have it if you want.

You are the best teacher ever.

-Thanks for this.

-Not a problem.

I used to be a bit of a tearaway at school myself.

Although, now I think about it, I wasn't the teacher.

Yeah, well, this is just a one-off.

I won't get, like, stuck outside with shopping and babies

and kids standing on my head again.

You better not. I'll have to arrest you.

-HE LAUGHS

-No, seriously. I will arrest you.

Right. Well. I guess I better sneak them into class somehow.

OK. I did see a teacher climbing through a window the other day.

Oh. Right.

One more thing about the conference. I've changed my mind.

Again. I don't want to be your wizard's assistant.

I'm a good teacher, with some competent colleagues.

If there's something going on behind that door

that isn't 100% professional,

I'm sure there's a very good reason for that. OK?

THE STUDENTS CHATTER LOUDLY

CHATTERING STOPS

And as Josh is demonstrating,

ballet involves an awful lot of stretching.

Thank you, Josh.

Vampire Ninja Four.

So now we've covered the music of the ballet,

I'd like you to have a look at these worksheets and tell me...

Has anyone seen my brief case?

HE LAUGHS

Dressing Up Bunny Two!

-# Can't live with 'em

-And you can't kick 'em out

# When they're up they rub it in your face

-# Kick you when you're down

-When no-one understand them

-# You know what they're on about

-Who's going to be around?

# Got to find the common ground

# If you know so much about me

# Where do I go from here?

-# If you see 'em everyday

-You can never get away

# Only time that you're the boss, 4 o'clock. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd