Audition 4 o'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle

# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

# Watch that stretch out like it was shampoo

# You should stay

# It can change

# There's good days and bad days

# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

# So the only time is now four o'clock. #

You're leaving us?

To go to some stuck-up, la-di-dah posh school for poshos?

Ash, it's a performing arts academy, OK. The open evening's tonight.

They even let you do whatever subjects you want.

So, say you wanted to drop maths for music, they're totally down with it.

My mistake. You're leaving us to go to a stuck-up, la-di-dah,

performing arts academy for poshos.

Well, Ash... I ain't even got in yet, so...

You will. You always get what you want.

You've got lucky bones.

I thought you'd be dead against him

poshing off to Poshington Academy.

Anywhere's better than Fowlbury. This place is a badger's toilet.

BANGING

Give me my crisps, you stupid food computer.

I bet the vending machines work in Josh's new school.

Ooh, working vending machines.

As if he didn't have enough reasons already to posh off to posh school.

Yeah, yeah, keep it up.

Naw. Josh can't have crisps and chocolate.

He's more of a...dippy egg and soldiers kind of guy.

Look, there's nothing wrong with dippy eggs, OK?

All right. Fine.

At least I don't sleep in the living room with my mum.

-You do what?

-It's only been for the past week.

Apparently, King Josh needs space to rehearse for his little audition.

And some sleep that ain't ruined by your snoring.

Did you input the correct code?

Of course I did, you half-sized know-it-all. It's stuck.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Every year, scores of people are crushed by toppled vending machines.

Statistically speaking, they're more dangerous than sharks.

Statistically speaking... Shut up!

Look. You've just got to hit it in the right place.

Of course you know how to do it.

You know how to do everything.

You're the amazing Josh Carter, bedroom thief.

Sh!

How dare you kick school property? Detention. Tonight.

But, sir, I can't do tonight...

Detention. Tonight!

Sorry we're late, Mrs C.

-Let me guess - detention?

-Look, Mum, it wasn't my fault.

It's never your fault, Josh, we're trying to impress these people.

We cannot be arriving 40 minutes late.

Hi, guys.

The Hillview Institute aims to nurture a student's

individual talent to its fullest potential.

It sounds amazing. I wish I was going here.

Oh, wow.

I belong here.

Well, the artistic references you gave us were glowing.

Josh isn't an ordinary student. I really believe in his talent.

Well, it's just a matter of Josh getting through the audition,

and once we've had a look at his school records,

I hope we'll be welcoming him with open arms.

My records?

Discipline, attendance... all that fun stuff.

Is there a problem?

-Oh, no, no, no!

-Nah. What sort of problem?

Josh is Elmsmere's golden boy.

Barely a blemish on his record.

You, come on. I'll show you the recording suite.

You have a recording suite?!

Now you see why I have been asking you to behave

these last five years.

# So good behaviour is a deal breaker just to make it in

# Have to say I never misbehaved just for the sake of it

# Most of the time the main reason was usually clear

# I did it for my music career

# Detention for using school cameras was silly though

# I was only trying to shoot a pop video

# It's just like Nutty Nunn nearly flipping his wig

# Just because I used the gym for a gig

# Or the time I compared the staff to types of cattle

# That was only part of a rap battle

# Kidnapping my Head of Year's false teeth for ransom money

# Actually I did that cos it was funny

# But still - the reasons Hillview would give for liking me

# Are the same reasons I'm in trouble - that's the irony

# Cos I will do anything to achieve my dream

# No matter how low or troublesome it seems

# But I ain't going to let my past sabotage my future

# I need to do something radical that I ain't used to

# Yeah, check it, ah

# This is my time, golden opportunity

# My mum, my head, my friends they're all soon to see

# Josh Carter ain't a one-trick pony

# I'm a one in a million, yep, the one and only

# One time, one chance of really making it

# One pattern of behaviour, now I'm breaking it

# Cos Josh Carter ain't a one-trick pony

# I'm one in a million, yep, the one and only. #

Yeah.

As the new chair of governors, I will be introducing some new

-elements to the selection of the permanent head.

-Interesting.

For example, I'd like a panel of your students to interview you both.

Andrew - with respect, I don't think that's a very good idea.

Not to have the final say.

But we would like to take their feedback into account.

But they're unpredictable. Some might say unstable.

We could select the members from the School Council.

They're among the school's more accomplished and reliable children.

Excellent. Thank you, Aine.

Actually, they're meeting shortly, I believe.

OK with you, Crispin?

Fine.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

-Ah, Miss Parkwood.

-Hang on a sec. What?

Could you nip along to the School Council for me

and select five of their most engaged members?

Erm, I'd love to - but what about Dexter?

He would be way better at a big and responsible job like that.

I'm sure you're up to the task, Emma. I believe in you.

Thank you.

Er, no-one.

-Andrew.

-Andrew.

Stop hogging the machine, you flipping hog roast.

It just ate my money, Zoe-Marie. That was my last 50p.

Unplug it and plug it back in again.

Yeah, get her to waste even more of my time, why don't you?

Ladies... Stay frosty, OK. Leave this to the Emperor.

You just have to kick it in the right spot.

Well impressive. You killed it.

I did not!

No offence, Nero, but you're like a bad photocopy of Josh.

Hit it harder. Use this.

You can't use bins as weapons.

I can use bins as whatever I want. I pay my taxes.

No, you don't.

Well, I say we should smash this place up starting right here.

Just because you're narked about Josh leaving,

don't mean you can go on a mad bin rampage.

Oh! That's what this is about!

-It ain't.

-It so is.

Is it Josh you really want to throw the bin at?

Get out of my head, you!

Give me back my 50p!

OK, everyone. Let's take a deep breath, and calm down.

We merely need to take our complaint to the top. Follow me!

I know I've been a challenging student.

That's putting it mildly.

That's because my creativity and talent has been stifled, OK?

I'm like a caged bird.

I need to spread my wings, to soar, to fly.

How poetic.

Unfortunately for you, I've got an interview for the new head job,

and I need to prepare.

So, good day.

But...that's the perfect timing!

-How so?

-Think how good you'd look

if one of your students got accepted into a prestige place like Hillview!

Plus - bonus - I'll be out of your hair. Forever.

Speaking of which, sir... have you done anything to your hair?

You look really good. Doesn't make you look a day over 37.

-42 at most.

-Request denied.

I will not be manipulated and cajoled into telling falsehoods!

But, sir, I really need this!

You have three seconds to get out of my office.

-Otherwise you will be in detention for the next week.

-But, sir...

One. Two.

This is proper...

Three... OK, let's make it a fortnight.

So the next item on the agenda...

School Council? Why bring us to this square dance?

-Excuse me. We're having a meeting.

-We have an issue we wish to raise.

Use the correct channels and we can raise it in the next meeting.

-But we need a new vending machine!

-The one we've got hates us.

-It's the worst machine ever invented.

-It ate my money.

And it disrespected Nero's foot.

And, apparently, we can't even smash it up.

You need to write it down and post it in the suggestions box.

I knew this was a waste of time!

ALL TALK AT ONCE

You, you, you, you and you. You've been selected to interview

Mr Bell and Mrs O'Brien tomorrow lunchtime.

Interview them for what?

The new head teacher position.

-Us?

-Are you sure?

-There must have been a mistake.

But...it was MY idea to go to the school council.

Surely I should've been selected to interview the heads.

At least you're not losing your lunch

-to go to some cuss-party.

-What are you doing inside during lunch break?

We've just been to the school council, sir.

And THAT totally backfired.

All we found out was that we've got to interview you.

Interview me? For what?

That head teacher job.

Oh. Right.

Well, I am sure that...

that you're...you...students who can see the bigger picture

when it comes to choosing your preferred candidate.

We'd prefer someone who can get us a new vending machine.

Well, I could probably help you with that. Leave it with me.

That was weird.

-Since when has Ding Dong ever done anything that reasonable?

-Duh.

He knows we could stop him

getting that job, so he's trying to butter us up.

We could ask him and O'Brien anything in that interview,

and they'd have to agree.

I'm so going to get Shelby Turner suspended!

And get a nail bar in the girls loo!

Get rid of the rubbish lessons, that make people want to leave!

This is the best thing that ever happened

in the entire history of stuff.

So me and the boys were talking and we came up with a little bet

about the password you use for the school computers.

Now, I think it's Nero.

You're way off.

Nero2000?

JOSH2000?

Come on, Auntie - I've got a packet of crisps riding on this, OK?

Those really posh ones with the weird flavours.

-I could cut you in?

-Do you think I was born yesterday?

No, but you do look very young for your age.

I'm guessing... 24, 26 at the most?

Hello, Josh. What are you doing here?

Trying to bribe me with gourmet crisps so I give him

access to all the school systems.

Gourmet crisps!

Is that like sea salt and balsamic vinegar? Who does that?

What am I supposed to do?

Bell flat-out refused to write me a reference.

Wiping my records is the only option I got.

Instead of trying to manipulate and cheat,

maybe you could just be sincere.

When did that ever work for anyone?

You'd be surprised.

I burned my bridges with Bell, anyway, it's too late.

Bell isn't the only head teacher.

O'Brien is not going to listen to me.

She has been known to be reasonable.

It has to be worth a shot, doesn't it?

Hello, children. Oh, nice.

Please take a seat, sir.

Thank you.

Interesting.

So, who's first?

WE will be the ones asking the questions.

Sir, my question to you is about your promise of new school

vending machines.

I said I promised to look into it, not...

Ah! These interruptions are reflecting very badly.

She's saying keep your mouth shut or we'll

tell the governors you were rude to us.

Are you or are you not getting us new vending machines?

Well, if enough voices are heard -

then I can't completely commit to anything...

You understand.

-Sir.

-What if there was a flood?

-A flood?

-Like, what if the whole world was flooded?

Would you board up the windows and turn the school into an ark?

With animals?

You could just keep the cool ones, like pumas.

I'm really not sure what you're asking here.

I've got a question, sir. Why are all our lessons so rubbish?

You could get rid of geography, and bring in the history of hip hop.

The history of hip hop?

OR we could have lessons where we build really cool robots that...

Ssh! Then maybe Elmsmere might be a place people actually want to be.

Erm...

I know my record ain't exactly crystal clear,

and you probably just think I'm some delinquent kid,

-but this means everything to me.

-Evidently.

OK. I know I'm not exactly cut out for maths and science but,

that doesn't make me a failure, does it?

OK, I could have tried harder.

But, if I get into Hillview, the world will see a whole new Josh.

Fine. Fair enough. I get it.

It's clear you have a lot of talent, Josh.

And, if I'm honest, I'm not sure Elmsmere

is best equipped to nurture you.

So...

I'll write your letter.

-Serious?

-But when you're a mega star, come back and visit.

You got it.

-Good luck.

-Thank you, miss.

Who'd of thought it, eh? Being sincere -

it's like the best trick ever.

No running!

-Five seconds left.

-If you'll let me finish what I was saying...

I think it's actually really important that children have...

Time's up.

Sir, I played no part in any of this.

Stop sucking up, you suck up.

You know he might not even be Head any more - he might be a random man.

Next up - eat these doughnuts without licking your lips.

To see how you cope under pressure.

And then, put this computer back together.

Is that a school computer?

We ask the questions.

# A gallant hero, steps out of the lion's den

# Back into this crazy world that he's been hiding in

# They called him Bell, the man who rings the changes

# But it feels like he hasn't been in charge for ages

# Look at what he's faced with - his worst challenger

# A capable woman who makes him look like an amateur

# Professional, measured and reasonable

# That's how you know that she's evil

# And there's only one man who can stop the witch

# But I'm full of self doubt now - that's what the problem is

# And these ruddy kids

# Can't be trusted to make the right decision

# They'll pick her and she's the villain!

# In this movie, there's only one hero

# And, it seems only one throne here so

# Where next for me - what am I to do?

# How'd you make an ocean of enemies start liking you?

# Start liking you?

# Is there a dastardly scheme maybe I could try?

# To help the children realise that I'm the good guy

# Maybe I could pay them!

# Give them each a fiver

# Maybe I could save them!

# Pluck them from a fire

# That I started!

# My task is

# Just trying to prove I'm kind hearted!

# Good ol' Crispin - one of the nice boys!

# Nudge the governors to realise I'm the right choice

# A true fellow. #

Oh, hello!

Please, take a seat.

Hmm. Interesting.

So, first question. Which one of us is your favourite?

-Are you nervous for your audition?

-Why would I be nervous?

Pressure.

Once I got this sudden attack of nerves at the dentist,

and I bit her.

I don't think I'm likely to bite anyone at my audition, Isaac.

Josh! I've sorted it. You don't have to go.

-What do you mean?

-Bell and O'Brien said they'd bring in rap lessons.

Well, they said they'd consider it.

Which is basically a yeah. So nothing has to change.

Mate, I'm not about to back out now.

What? You're going to going through with it?

Fowlbury doesn't have what I need.

Except your friends.

Ash, wait.

Ah... Just look at it. The B442/H1 vending machine.

Absolutely beautiful.

Just sign there for me, please.

When did we order this?

WE didn't. I did.

So how much did it cost?

That's not important.

The students were very disappointed with the previous vending facility.

I took account of their concerns.

In other words, you're trying to buy their support.

How dare you?

A new vending machine!

You actually listened to us?

Of course. Mr Bell always listens.

Might be something to mention in your feedback to the governors?

Shouldn't you be rehearsing for your big audition?

-Yeah. I kinda need a favour.

-And you're asking me?

After you kicked me out of here?

My audition rap is missing something.

And I kinda need a hype man.

Yeah, well. I need my pit back.

Fine. You got it. You're back in the bunks tomorrow.

That's going to cost you the top bunk.

You got it.

-Deal?

-Deal.

I wish they'd hurry up.

They've a lot to get through.

Josh'll ace it. Especially with my boy helping him out.

Josh!

What are you doing here?

I got something I need to tell you.

I was up till five writing this, so just hear me out.

"Josh, I think you are making a big mistake by leaving..."

Ash, mate, you already told me this.

"You haven't thought it through.

"You're going to be on your own at the new school,

"without your mates.

"You'll regret it"

Mate, look, we're on the same page. Do you really think it's going to

be that easy for me to walk away from all my best mates?

-WOMAN:

-Josh Carter.

Look, come and sit in on my audition? It'll answer everything.

And, I could really do with your support there.

Josh Carter.

Josh!

Joshi...

Thanks, Mum.

When you're ready, Josh.

Hit it for me, please!

BACKING TRACK STARTS

Ah, ah. OK.

You ready?

I'm ready, Cuz, let's go!

All right, show 'em then, Cuz, come on!

# OK, I'll admit I'm nervous deep down

# Though I know I'm here for a purpose

# He's worth it!

# Dude, Hillview is my next chapter

# Give him props cos Josh got the X factor!

# And this'll be my biggest challenge yet

-# New people to meet

-New teachers to impress

# But I'm a stay on like a wedding ring when I'm in

# I'm Josh Carter

# He can do anything!

# And even if the new challenges won't wait

# The hardest will be saying goodbye to my old mates

# They're a part of me, this decision affects them

# The fact that they care is why we're best friends

# And there's no time limit on a friendship

# So long as I'm alive I'll never end it!

# That's why my best mate says when he rings

# Josh Carter - he can do anything! #

Yeah!

Yeah!

BACKING TRACK SCRATCHES TO HALT

-How did it go?

-He killed it.

That's my boy.

I'm sure Nero was great, too.

He was all right...

Thanks, cuz.

OK, man. I get it.

Yes, I do.

So we are friends after all, yeah?

Always.

Even if you do end up at

this La-Di-Dah Poshington Posh School for Poshos.

-Josh.

-Oh, he's already auditioned.

Yeah. He still has to do his dance audition.

Dance audition?

You know, the dance piece he had to prepare.

Do you mind giving me half an hour?

I just need to feel a dance, so the emotion can shine through...

OK. Half an hour, no more, though.

Teach me everything you know.

In five minutes?

You can dance. I can't. I need help.

Please. I'll give anything you want.

I don't need anything. I'll do it cos we're family.

All right, get off, we ain't got time for that.

All right - show me something, then.

Right, left, right, hit it, turn round.

And jump up. That's it. You got that?

I said show me easy.

That was easy. Those were baby steps.

-You're not joking.

-Ready now?

Ah, OK. Yes... As ready as I'll ever be. Thank you, cuz.

Do your thing.

When's your audition?

Ah.. Nah. I'm just here to support my cousin. I'm not auditioning.

With moves like that, you should be. Come on.

We'll see if we can fit you in.

They're here!

I'll go get Dexter.

Do it!

Nero first!

Well?

I didn't get in.

-Oh.

-Sorry, love.

But they did say I'm "uniquely talented" for my age.

They want me to audition next year.

Cuz, that just means you're way past where I was at your age.

Yeah. I guess it does.

Think of the mad skills I'll have when I'm past it like you.

Josh - your turn.

Mum, I can't do this here. I owe it to my mates.

We need to know.

I promise I'll tell you what it says, yeah?

Joshua? Joshua?

I've always said Ding-Dong wasn't all bad.

You were all like, "Ding-Dong's a weirdo",

and I was like, "Shut up, Ugness. Shut up!"

Apples... Are you having a giraffe?!

Do I look like some kind of vegan?

What is wrong with this place?

Some of your student feedback is shocking.

Oh, dear.

The handwriting, the spelling - not to mention the bizarre demands.

And then there's this.

Well, the key question is, of course, which of us did they prefer?

That question is no longer relevant.

Something is clearly deeply wrong at Elmsmere, especially

if this is what to expect from its "highest achieving" students.

I hold you two responsible.

Don't make me leave.

We shan't be firing anyone.

Instead, we will be introducing a new senior head teaching

position to oversee the running of the school.

So who's it going to be?

Would you like to come in?

Aine. Crispin.

All right, boys?

What are you waiting for? Open it.

Look, I don't need no envelope to tell me I'm going to be a star.

Yeah. That's why I got you this.

You did this for me?

It's the least I could do.

Right, this is stressing me out. Just open the letter, will you?!

Erm... No matter what this says, we're going to be friends forever.

Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah. Friends till the end.

Just open it!

OK. Um... OK.

What does it say?

It's a letter from my dentist. I need a check-up.

For real?

So that means we have to wait even longer to know?

Guess so, boys.

I hate waiting! Waiting is for babies.

Yeah, you'd know about that.

Are you saying I'm a baby? I'm grown-up.

Yeah, course you are.

I'm more grown-up than you.

"We are very pleased to offer you a place at the Hillview Institute..."

# OK, so I lied

# But it weren't nothing to do with my pride

# I fibbed for a good reason

# Believing it's better if the crew don't know that I'm leaving

# Then we'd have one long last

# Summer of fun that'd be one long blast

# Forget the past, forget about change

# For six weeks everything remains the same

# When the Autumn comes, and the skies go grey

# I'll know that everything'll be OK

# Cos we ain't never going to go out on a bummer

# Not even for a second mate coz this summer?

# I'll find a place everyone's sure to rock up

# For now we celebrate as the Four O'Clock Club

# We ain't just friends- we're a family

# Who the heck else would know how to handle me?

# And who else would laugh at my jokes?

# If we ever laughed with you It was a hoax

# That's why I like you - always tell it straight

# Even though I've never really known if we're mates

# I got this weird feeling we'll always be together

# I get that feeling too, Ugness, now get off!

-# After what we've been through?

-We can do anything!

# S'mad all the ups and downs that I'm remembering

# But you're still here and we're still all close

# Pass me the fizz, this calls for a toast!

-# Wish I could do that

-Bruv, why not?

# Mate, I'm surprised at the friends I've got

# Owen? Don't let no-one tell you you're a drag

# I think I've just fulfilled my Friendship Badge!

# Friendship smendship - why are we mates?

# I dunno, guess same time, same place?

-# Same lunch preference!

-Ravioli

-# Same worst subject

-Geography

-# Same best pen

-Pink magic marker

-# Different crush though

-Josh Carter!

# No matter what we come up against

# Friends remain when it snows and when it rains

# And especially when it pours

# The sun in my heart is a gift and it's yours

# It's yours

# It's yours!

# Oh-oh, forever

# We'll be here

# And together

# We'll feel no fear

# Through whatever

# Sun, rain, hailstorm

# True friends will weather it all,

# And sail on. #

# Today is a gift so it's called the present

# Today is a gift so it's called the present

# Today is a gift so it's called the present

# Forever

# Forever

# Oh-oh forever

# We'll be here

# And together

# We'll feel no fear... #