Swimming 4 O'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle?

# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

# Washed out, stressed out like it was shampoo

# You should stay It can change

# There's good days and bad days

# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

# So the only time is now 4 O'Clock

# 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock. #

HE YAWNS

# So much to do, so little time

# Here we go again

# Days go by like a flash

# A blur of work and still scrabbling for cash

# It's tough, so much on

# Responsibilities like looking after Nero

# And work is an uphill struggle

# Like riding on utility bikes

# All the kids' homework packed in my basket (in my basket)

# Balancing it all on a tightrope

# No harness, no me time None granted

# From teaching to marking

# Cooking to cleaning

# No time for laughing, shopping this evening

# After the shopping I'm mopping then stopping

# As carrots need peeling and Nero needs feeding

# Things cost money and time's of the essence

# And I don't seem to have enough of both at this present time

# I'm a wrecked soul, tired and sleepy

# If I have more time and money things would be easier

# Teaching and marking Cooking and cleaning

# Mopping and ironing, no time for sleeping

# But where does the money go?

# Where does the time go?

#Where does the money go?

# Where does the time go?

# Iron the cooking, cleaning the marking

# Marking the cleaning

# No time for dreaming

# But where does the money go?

# Where does the time go?

# If I could make more money and make time slow down

# Make time slow down Make time slow down

# Yeah, uh, yeah

# Make time slow down Make time slow down

# Make time slow down

# If I could just make more money and make time slow down! #

RELAXING PIANO MUSIC

Dexter!

Bit more lively?

HE PLAYS UPBEAT TUNE

Dexter! Dexter!

Dexter! Dexter! Wake up, man!

CAR HORNS BLARE

Ah. Oh, no.

Sorry.

Agh.

Wake me up when this is over.

So,

what happens to the copper sulphate?

-Anyone?

-If I put this in my ear...

-Fleur?

-..could I supercharge my brain?

-Nero?

I think that's a stupid plan with a high risk of injury.

Clem? Clementine!

Do you mind? I'm sleeping.

LAUGHTER

BELL RINGS

Clementine! Here.

It is your responsibility to come to school awake

and to stay that way.

Yeah, well, it's your responsibility to come up with lessons

that don't send me to sleep.

There's nothing wrong with my lessons.

Try to get some sleep at night

instead of going out

or playing on the computer or...

I ain't going out!

Or playing naff computer games.

Well, what is it?

You're not leaving this room until I get an explanation.

-What are you doing?

-Borrowing your maths!

Get off. I'm not enabling your homework dependency!

-Nero, tell him!

-No, I'm not going to.

Whoops.

Nothing happened. It was all a dream.

-Ooh. Ooh.

-Ah. No!

LAUGHING

Your bag!

Funny, is it?

Oh, no! Oh!

And, it turns out, she goes for a swim every morning before school.

It's two buses, no wonder she's falling asleep all the time.

SNORING

Oh, yeah! Terrible.

Who are we talking about again?

Clementine. I found out she swims for the county.

After I yelled at her.

So I said I'd get up early and give her a lift for a while.

Right. But you're still coming tomorrow night, yeah?

What's this? Lovebirds on a date?

-Ha-ha, no!

-As if!

No, Dexter is playing at a piano bar...

and...

wanted a bit of support, so...

Er, not just me. I said it was an open invitation.

Yeah! The more the merrier.

Well, it's going to be pretty merry then, cos I am in!

Crispin?

Er, yeah. I suppose so.

I mean, I've got to get out of the house.

Music.

How wonderful.

You can rely on our support, Dexter.

Oh, look at that!

Christmas has arrived!

What are you doing up there?

Down! Now!

You know, I detest playground duty.

This job is as much being a zoo keeper as it is teacher.

Do you know how terrible it would have been

if one of you had slipped and broken your neck?

I'd have had to have filled in paperwork!

-Oh, but sir, my bag...

-Detention! The lot of you!

How are we going to get our bags back now, then?

ALARM CLOCK BEEPS

Oh, my days!

It's my shoe from last year!

Yes, and I'm very happy for you both.

Now, come on, let's go.

Oh, look at this stuff!

A magnet!

A phone from the Stone Age!

Teeth, oh!

And this!

What even is it? It might be lucky.

Or cursed? It kind of looks cursed.

It looks like a failed woodwork project. Now, come on, let's go

or do you want Dexter to wake up and report you missing?

Come on, Eli. Hurry up! Get a move on!

TOY SQUEAKS

Clem?

What's going on? Splash Stars?

No! Clem Burton in, like, some kind of swim posse?

What else you got? Matching hats?

Wait till everyone at school hears about this. Your cred is so dead!

You ain't telling no-one.

-What are you doing sneaking around here anyway?

-Oh, nothing.

Oh! All those early mornings!

That's why you've been so vexed!

You ain't seen vexed!

Now say you're sorry, shut your mouth

and walk away before I do something you'll regret.

What are you going to do? Flick me with your towel?

No. I'm going to do this.

Look who I found!

Nero! What are you doing here so early?

Does Dexter know you're out?

I just...

Nero just signed up for Splash Stars.

One of the swim posse, now, aren't you,

Nero?

I'm really worried. He's not in his room.

I got up and... Ah, no, it's OK. That's him now.

Right. Thanks, Emily.

Where have you been?

I phoned the police. Have you been out all night?

I can't believe you'd be so irresponsible! You're grounded!

For a year.

-Two years!

-Come on...

Sorry he's a bit late.

I gave him a lift from Splash Stars.

I had to drop Clem off first.

Should have time to get changed.

I'll give you a lift in if you like. Since I'm here.

See? That's why I don't tell you nothing. Do you know what?

It would be nice if you had my back like that sometimes.

So, Mr Harris came with you today.

Ain't him and your sister snogging supposed to be a secret?

Sh! No-one wants to think about that!

Oh, don't. It's well squeasy.

Gives me the proper sicks.

You what? Did you completely just say that I gave you the sicks?

What? No! I wasn't talking about you!

-Well, I see the way you're denying it.

-Yeah, I am.

That's exactly what I just did.

Right. So you're all up in my actual grill saying I'm disgusting,

when you follow me back from all there and you're my pamperazoid?

You want to be me?

Yeah. Not Happening.

So, I think you're disgusting and I want to be you?

Oh, you got that nailed. You're dangerously mixed up. Oh, stay back!

Ingrid, stop that immediately!

Oh, right. Covering her side just cos you fancy her ancient sister.

What? That is ridiculous! Detention for both of you!

What? She literally started all of it!

Both of you! See? No favouritism or fancying of anyone.

SHE SIGHS

# Is this some sick joke She just gets on my nerves

# Why am I getting punished? I'm lost for words

# Mr Harris is embarrassed to be real, that's right

# Scared to say he likes Lizzie He just wants to hide

# Doesn't want to look biased just cos I'm her sister

# So he makes me do lines but for what, mister?

# This ain't fair, no This ain't right

# How can he live with the guilt? How is he kipping at night, like?

# No justice in here

# No justice

# Seriously, detention for no reason

# There's no justice for this treason

# I might as well be locked up for breathing

# It's basically the same thing if you're see things

# From my side, he's Dodo Dexter

# Who loves holding hands with my dumbo sister

# And I'm in the middle getting torn like a raggy doll

# Hit from every direction like a pinball

# No justice in here

# No justice

# I'm knocked around like a pinball

# I'm kicked around like a pinball

# I've had enough I'm not taking it any more

# From Dexter, Ingrid or Lizzie It's time to settle the score

# Let's see how they like it when I'm making the ball

# When I'm the big flipper to hit them against the wall

# No justice in here

# No justice

# I'm knocked around like a pinball

# I'm kicked around like a pinball. #

-I know I put it in here somewhere.

-Maybe if you hadn't filled your

locker up with roof junk it might be easier to find your text book?

Junk? You call this junk?

Yeah.

We got home safely this morning, didn't we?

That's luck, cos of this.

Erm, Nero was caught by a teacher and a dog bit my elbow.

Yeah. But think how much worse

it would have been without Mr Freak watching over us?

If he's so lucky, how come you've lost your history book?

That's an automatic detention.

Oh, yeah! I put it on top of your locker!

See? Luck.

LAUGHTER

Hey Lizzie, have you ever seen a scar? Look at that.

Another request from table four.

This is from a shuttlecock. The feathers are like razors.

Sliced right through to the bone, Imagine that, eh?

I'm not playing Thomas the Tank Engine!

Oh, go on!

You know, I don't just do TV theme songs for sniggering PE teachers,

I also do classical recitals.

Oh, yeah, what? Ride Of The Tweenies?

I didn't know you played recitals.

Yes. I do them every week.

Where?

Well, here.

How wonderful!

Wow. Well, what do you play?

Fanfare For The Common Muppet.

Actually, I'll be playing Rachmaninov's Prelude In G Major.

Oh, gosh. Isn't that awfully difficult?

Yes. Yes, it is. Very difficult.

My stepdad used to play that in the car when I was little.

I absolutely love it!

Ooh. What a happy coincidence. You should come, Lizzie!

Well, you don't have to...

No, of course I do!

We should all come.

I can't wait to hear you play some proper music, Dexter.

ALARM CLOCK BEEPS

I brought you some breakfast.

Yo, it's five in the morning.

It's time for swimming!

If you want to do this, I'm behind you every splash of the way.

Go Splash Stars!

Dex, listen. It's amazing, you're giving me all this support but...

Don't worry about me. Just get in there.

OK.

You can't come! Sorry, it's just...

It'll put me off it if I know you're watching me.

I have to be in my zone, you know?

Come on. Don't want to be late.

Stay in the car, OK?

Why don't you want Dex to come?

Cos I suck at swimming, OK?

I'm not getting in no pool.

HE PLAYS BADLY AND HUMS ALONG

HE SIGHS

KNOCK ON WINDOW

Hello. What are you doing?

Nothing. Just can't stop playing that classical music.

I don't know how you do it.

I'm exhausted after just watching you last night.

Who needs sleep, right?

By the way, my mum and stepdad were really impressed

about the Rachmaninov.

They're going to come and watch too.

I think it's about time you met them.

Aah...brilliant!

-Ah! Ding!

-SHE LAUGHS

Aargh!

Much more realistic.

How did it go?

Well, you know. Standard swimming.

Up and down, up and down, up and...

Anyway I was thinking, maybe this ain't for me.

Oh, don't be so modest, Nero! He was amazing!

Yeah! I'm TOO good.

Ain't fair on the others.

Nero, if you're good at something, you should pursue it.

I don't want anything to stand in your way. What's this?

Time trials. You should sign up.

You'd walk it.

# Whoa, how did I get roped in to this?

# Look at Clem she's all in to this Can't even swim, I'm so in for it

# I'm caught in a web that's so intricate

# Videos on the internet of me splashing in the pool

# Will be an instant hit

# I'm caught up in a web of lies Yeah, she's spinning the webs

# Man, she kicks me every time Now I think that I'm fresh

# She just trapped me like a fly If I swim again, yes

# I mean no, so I guess I'll have to hide in the cupboard every morning

# While she pours water over my head

# I'll play the game right but when my time comes

# She'll see that I ain't a fly The spider is king

# I'm kind of caught up in a web of my own devising

# Congratulations, Dexter, you haven't done a wise thing

# If only Lizzie could see I was fibbing to shut Bell and Nun up

# It's time to learn a composition

# Before and after school and between lessons

# Spend every second impressing Lizzie's parents, first impressions

# I can do this and when that day comes, Liz will see she's got

# The world's best boyfriend

# That boyfriend is he, yeah

# I'm gonna play that part for now

# But soon they'll see

# Who I can be

# When my time comes she'll see that I ain't a fly

# The spider is...

# I can do this, and when that day comes Liz will see

# I can play that part

# Just wait and see. #

I hope you'll be here to see him swim his time trials, Mr Harris.

Oh, Clem, I wish he could, but... Dex knows, it'll just put me off.

I'll tell you how it goes, yeah?

Well, you can follow it on the app.

You've got the app, right? Shows the times of all the swimmers.

So you can track his progress, see exactly how he's doing.

Oh, that's great!

Outstanding.

Grounded! Unbelievable!

My dad says I got too many detentions.

This is all Dexter's fault.

I know what'll cheer you up.

Revenge.

Yeah, because trying to stitch up a teacher never ends in disaster?

Amber? Can I have a word?

What word? Detention?

No. This is about... your mum and dad.

Lizzie is bringing them by to meet me

and I just wondered what might impress them?

Well, it's a good thing you asked, cos, my dad, right,

let's just say he's chased off a lot of boyfriends.

He's vicious.

Yeah, you'll have to show him that you deserve his little princess.

You probably have to er....

Wrestle him! Yeah.

Like you were telling us how he's always testing new boyfriends,

seeing if they're tough enough.

He's an animal.

Yeah. You'll probably have to wrestle him.

Right. Thanks. That's really...

..useful.

Did he just buy that?

Wonderful. Can't see any terrible consequences coming from that.

What do you think?

Is it supposed to smell like that?

Oh, well, it's been out in the elements, honing its powers.

Its stinking powers.

Its powers of good fortune.

Like yesterday, when I got home, there was

a double episode of Pointless.

That ain't good luck, that's the TV schedule.

OK, OK.

How do you explain this?

Big wedge. Yeah. Big wedge.

Did you get a big wedge? Did you? No. Only I did.

Cos of Mr Freak.

You got to be careful, Eli. There's no good luck without bad.

Like my nan, right?

She once found a four-leaf clover and that very same decade

my grandad got his foot trapped under a milk float.

So what you're saying is where there's good luck...

Bad will surely follow.

Ooh! Whoa!

SMASHING GLASS

Can't be...can it?

It's cursed you. You and Nero.

I'm safe as long as I've got Mr Freak, but...

You've seriously lost it this time.

Think about it!

The swimming, the book, the big wedge - it's all there, Owen!

It's all there.

Come on! What are you doing?

-Please just stop!

-Then apologise!

-For what?

-Laughing at me. Threatening to tell everyone.

Clem! What you're doing to me is off-the-scale worse than that.

Fine. Then tell Dexter the truth. Or swim your time trial.

Or, find another N Johnson to take your place.

Anything I can do?

Not unless you happen to be an amazing swimmer.

OK, so why have you never mentioned this?

I don't like to boast but, certificates, medals,

you name it, I've got them.

I'm like a fish in the water,me. Beautiful sight.

That's incredible. You could take my place.

They haven't seen me yet, so, as long as you say you're...

N Johnson. Right. Brilliant.

It's been ages since I had a good race.

Eli, I owe you big time.

Forget it. This situation is all because of the curse anyway.

Amber. I've been giving it a lot of thought, and...

I don't think I'm going to be able to wrestle your dad.

Oh, that's a shame. Never mind.

What if I made him a cake?

A cake? You think that's manly?

Get him in a headlock.

Yeah. A headlock would probably do it.

But I can't just put someone in a headlock!

You can't put someone in a headlock? What are you, a wimp?

Look, I'll show you. Arm out.

Arm round. See?

-HE GROANS

-Keep control. He's going nowhere.

HE GROANS

See? The curse of Mr Freak.

Sure, he gives you the big chips, but that's only to hook you in.

Then the bad luck gets your friends. No more Mr Freak!

Raaaarggh!

-ALL:

-Ooooooh!

Detention!

NOOOOOO!

It is as I foretold.

Eli, it's...

Yeah, it's fine. OK, we ain't cursed, bro.

You still a hero swimmer, yeah? OK, so stay frosty, my man.

Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow morning at the pool. OK, good.

HE LAUGHS

Yes! All the way through.

And...I've got another hour left.

Sit down? Sit down.

And just relax.

HE SIGHS DEEPLY

Oh!

Oh!

See that? Cricket ball.

Didn't even flinch.

He definitely said he'd be here.

Have you ever seen a softball injury? Hmm?

Come on, Dexter. Where are you?

PHONE VIBRATES

SNORING

PIANO MUSIC

-Yo.

-MUSIC SLOWS DOWN AND STOPS

What time is it? The recital!

Nah, you're too late, bro. It's already morning.

What? Aw!

Keep your eye on the app, yeah?

I'm going to tear it up in there.

KEYPAD TONES

Ah, nice crowd. Looking forward to your dip?

-I know I am.

-This is what you've been waiting for, ain't it, Clem?

Shaming me in public.

All you got to do is apologise.

No way. I'm Emperor Nero.

He don't go down so easy.

I just got exhausted trying to help Nero

and make a good impression on your folks.

Well, I suppose I can't be mad at you for that.

Anyway, I told my parents what you've been doing for Nero

and they're going to come and meet you here instead.

In the car park?

Inside, supporting the kids.

But Nero says he gets nervous if I...

Dexter! Come inside and meet my parents!

Come on!

Ah!

Why didn't you tell me?

Tell you what?

That it was lengths!

Of course it's lengths! So what? You're an awesome swimmer.

Yeah. Of widths! Sammy Sea Lion Gold Award.

The teacher said I was like a fish, Nero! Like a fish!

So get in the water!

Out of my depth! Are you insane?

Besides, I don't think any of those guys are even wearing armbands!

-No! But...you can't!

-You have to get used to people rooting for you

-when you're an Olympic swimmer!

-Everyone's very proud of you.

-Come on, I'll walk you to the changing room.

-Come on.

Dexter!

Dexter, this is my mum and my stepdad.

-Hello.

-Dexter.

I must say we were very disappointed to miss your recital.

Well. Here we go.

You know it didn't have to be like this.

Laugh it up, Clem. But you're forgetting one thing.

I'm Nero Johnson. I can ride out any storm.

Right. What's the worst that can happen?

-ANNOUNCER:

-'And now - the girls' under-16 200 metres freestyle.

'In lane one, N Johnson.'

Oh! Did I forget to mention?

This is an all-girls club.

Dexter, why is Nero in a girls' race?

Dexter! Dexter!

Get off my stepdad! Dexter! Dexter!

Dexter, Dexter! Get off my stepdad!

Dexter, Dexter, Dexter!

Stop it!

-# Can't live with 'em

-And you can't kick 'em out

# When they're up they rub it in your face

-# Kick you when you're down

-But what no-one understands them

-# You know what they're on about

-Always gonna be around

# Gotta find a common ground

# If you know so much about me

# Where do I go from here?

-# If you see 'em every day

-You can never get away

# Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock. #