Space 4 O'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle?

# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

# Washed out, stressed out like it was shampoo

# You should stay It can change

# There's good days and bad days

# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

# So the only time is now 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock. #

Space. Humanity's final frontier.

It's the responsibility of our generation

to look beyond our earthly home

and accept that our future lies in the stars.

That's why I want to represent Elmsmere

in the ESA search for the junior astronaut.

A space competition from the European Space Agency? Wow!

I want to launch a camera to the very edge of space

-using a weather balloon.

-Love it.

And do you know what? I think Mr Bell's going to love it too.

I hate it.

But, sir...

We don't have a budget to pay for the materials.

But we have everything that I'd need.

I've even spoken to the Civil Aviation Authority!

This would be a brilliant opportunity for Elmsmere.

Ah. No great surprise that you've taken her side on this.

Crispin, have I done something to upset you?

You've been off with me since breakfast.

Off with you?

No, not at all.

I'm just preoccupied with covering maths today.

Mr Nunn's refused to do it.

-So that's all it is?

-Yeah, of course.

I mean, I completely understand why you wouldn't want to come

with CJ and I to the Museum of Tapestries this Sunday.

I'm busy. I promised Jack I would take him to Laser Mountain.

It's a health and safety nightmare.

What would happen if your spacecraft went out of control and...

..killed a cow? Think of the paperwork.

How could a balloon kill a cow?

It might eat it. Block its milk tubes.

Frankly, you're the last people that I would trust

to send something into space.

Actually, I think Polly would be a fantastic ambassador for the school.

Well, my word is final.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm busy.

We'll talk later.

-What's that?

-Oh, meet Dinsdale.

Doing a routine with him at the Scouts comedy night.

Oh, what sort of a stupid name is Dinsdale?

That's my middle name, actually.

All the first-born sons in my family are given the name Dinsdale.

That is horrible.

Ugh, it's like a nightmare made of wood.

I'm only Dinsdale!

Owen told me that Eli takes a ruler with him to bed

so he sees how long he sleeps for!

What does Eli stand for anyway?

E-lies around all day scratching his bum?

Is that meant to be a ventriloquist act?

Because your lips are moving more than the dummy.

I'll tell you something, mate, he's much funnier than you've ever been.

Who's coughed on your chips?

Mr Bell's so got it in for me.

He won't even let me launch a balloon into space.

I was not expecting that.

I've always wanted to meet a space alien.

I thought I saw a UFO once,

but it was just a big bee.

Ding-Dong doesn't get it.

The scientific challenge of launching a mobile phone

literally into space. 17 miles into the stratosphere.

Wait. Says here that first-place prize is a trip to the

Kennedy Space Centre in Florida.

Kenny who?

Know what? Stuff Mr Bell.

Yeah.

Maybe I should just do it anyway.

Make him realise what I'm capable of.

Well, that sounds like it's going to end up in catastrophe.

Yeah, see, you're nowhere near as much fun as Dinsdale is.

Maybe we could help you and, you know,

sort of come to Florida with you when we win?

Every scientist has a pair of glamorous assistants!

You're thinking of magicians.

I'm always thinking of magicians.

Come on, Polly, what do you say?

You realise the risks involved?

We could potentially get in massive trouble.

More reason to let us help you.

Tell Mr Bell that we talked you into it.

Could I really defy my headteacher?

Is that who I am now?

Deep down...

..that's who we all are.

# Should I commit or not?

# I never call him Ding-Dong, but Mr Bell said no

# And, to me, that means a lot

# If I break the rules, there's consequences

# Long detentions

# And worse, if I disobey him

# I've opened the cellar to a spiralling staircase

# That leads to nowhere but trouble

# Reputation took a tumble

# But if I don't launch this balloon, I could do something worse

# Than breaking the rules, depriving science a big breakthrough

# Prove to Bell that I'm capable

# I fly high all seasons

# I've been doing the wrong thing but it's all the right reasons

# No more sliding down

# I'm climbing up

# 400,000 feet

# And I won't blush

# Floating

# I'm dreaming

# Wrong thing

# Right reason

# Picture sunny Florida with palm trees, mocktails on the beach

# Theme parks with soaring rides

# We're not taking this for boring science

# Swimming pools, tacos and fries

# Travel really does broaden the mind

# Science isn't an embellishment

# It's life itself, it's everything

# Denying science is embarrassing

# It was held back once by the establishment

# Galileo, Isaac Newton, all have brains and a point to prove

# And if they hadn't went and broken the rules

# We'd still be using caveman tools

# In the Dark Ages

# And who knows? Maybe we'll even meet some aliens

# The greats didn't let anyone stop them

# So neither should I

# I'm going through with this experiment, head held high

# For the love of science

# No more sliding down

# I'm climbing up

# 400,000 feet

# And I won't blush

# Floating

# I'm dreaming

# Wrong thing

# Right reason. #

OK.

Let's go to work.

Florida, here we come!

I mean...

..yay, science.

I'm not taking another maths class.

Maths is your second subject.

Yeah, and it's boring. Why can't you get some other joker to do it?

You are doing it and I want evidence that you're doing it

-to the best of your ability.

-Ugh.

I will no tolerate members of staff who do not pull their weight.

No-one accuses me of not being able to pull my weight.

I can bench press over 30kg, thank you very much.

How do you like them maths?

And don't slam the door!

DOOR SLAMS

Eli's so stupid, he failed a blood test!

ELI KEEPS LAUGHING

How can you fail a blood test?

That's the joke, he's saying I'm really thick!

And you're all right with Owen insulting you?

-It's the dummy and that makes it funny.

-Says you!

His jokes are so cheesy, you can melt them on toast.

Hey, Dinsdale can be as rude as he likes.

-Cos he's so cute!

-Mm-hm!

He's not cute.

And they're hardly jokes.

All you're doing is calling him stupid and stuff.

Not just stupid.

Ugly, too!

THEY GROAN

-Stop.

-Why?

It's funny because it's so true!

Do you know what you should introduce Dinsdale to?

Katie.

I don't know about that.

She set up a Twitter page called Reasons Owen Sucks.

Oh, come on! A couple of comedy zingers from Dinsdale

and she'll be back onside in no time.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe she would be impressed by my ventriloquism skills.

Nice work, mate, she'll be eating out of your hand in no time.

Fiver says he's going to end up eating the dummy.

I don't want you airing our domestic disagreements in front of students.

I just thought it would be nice

if we all went out together for a change.

I didn't think being seen with me would be such an issue.

Crispin, Jack asked me first and I didn't want to disappoint him.

So if I'd asked you first?

How's this?

We'll go with you to the Tapestry Museum

if you come to Laser Mountain with us afterwards.

Can we get Laser Mountain out of the way first?

It's not my sort of thing.

Trust me, after hours spent peering at tapestries,

me and the boys are going to need something to look forward to.

OK, you've got a deal.

We're going to Laser Mountain.

Pew! Pew! Pew!

TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS

RECORD SCRATCH

This camera should capture some amazing footage.

The curvature of the Earth, the inner atmosphere...

Will we see Florida?

Forget it. If I close my eyes, I can see it already.

Oops, almost forgot.

Mr Bell will be the first Elmsmerean in space.

Aw, little Ding-Dong. He's almost cute.

Now I just need to borrow someone's phone.

-You don't have a phone?

-I need two.

One to send in the capsule and one to track it on GPS.

Er, Earth to Einstein, I ain't sending my phone into space.

Got all my photos on there!

You can use mine. All my stuff's up in the cloud anyway

so I may as well send my phone up there with it.

This is it, then.

One small step for us,

one giant leap for Elsmerean kind.

And what if something goes wrong with the GPS

and we can't get it back?

We'll club together and buy Eleesha a new phone.

It's fine. Got my address written on it.

Plus my blood group, shoe size and the name of the school.

What?!

See, not as stupid as you all think.

-No!

-Good going, you melon.

-What?

-If that crashes and someone brings it back,

-it's going to be obvious that we've done it.

-Oh, yeah.

We need to find it before anyone else does. Quick!

You're premises manager,

that requires a health and safety certificate.

Yeah, but it says I need to do a maths test to get one.

And?

Numbers give me the wobbles.

One time, I saw a f...

Had a panic attack.

But it's a simple arithmetic test.

-You do know arithmetic, don't you?

-Yeah.

It's that what my gran has in her joints.

The test is designed for Year 8s.

Fail it...

..and I'd be a fool to let you within even five feet of a mop.

# Never been a fan of numbers, think they're out to get me

# Numbers are wrong 'uns, all they do is upset me

# Every sum I've ever written, had to redo

# I hate numbers, the sum of all evil

# What's the point of them? Silly little digits

# Put 'em on a scoreboard, that's about it

# They're boring

# Unless it's footie and I'm scoring a hat-trick

# Numbers, I don't want to add them

# Mathematics, it doesn't add up

# So take it away, please take it away

# Maths makes problems multiply

# And that causes problems for you and I

# Mathematics, it doesn't add up

# So take it away, please take it away

# I'm in a dilemma, I'd better think fast

# Better find a way to teach this class

# I see numbers and I never feel geeky

# I feel sick, man, they give me the heebie-jeebies

# What's a caretaker going to do with numbers?

# Give me your floor and a mop, I'll do wonders

# Why can't they do a test on broken pipes

# Or changing a bulb? Let there be light

# Squeaky hinges get oiled up nice

# You'll never hear a squeak for the rest of your life

# Instead, they want to punish me with stuff that I'm lacking

# I shouldn't be teaching maths, I need action

# Don't need numbers to run a cross-country

# "How many miles, sir?"

# Until you can't breathe

# Teaching PE, haven't needed numbers yet

# Dribble the ball and kick it in the back of the net

# Now I've got to do maths, man, it's a test

# If I fail I'll get fired, Bell's remorseless

# No way I'll crack if I'm getting tested

# Got to teach the best lesson

# Got to pass every question. #

Ahem.

What in hoojit is that?

This is Dinsdale.

Well, Dinsdale better not be a voodoo doll, Owen.

-You know how I feel about the occult.

-Yeah.

Uh, hey, Katie, is it true you split up with Owen

cos you love your selfie stick more than him?

You really want to go there?

I'll go anywhere so long as you're not invited.

You know what, Owen? Carry on like this and you'll be lonely

-and single for the rest of your life.

-Well...

..at least I'm not selfie-ish.

Oi, sir...

..cheer up, Owen'll give you a laugh.

-What's going on?

-I'm just doing a ventriloquist act.

Show him, show him, show him.

Look out everyone, somebody shaved an orangutan

and let it loose in the school!

Detention! And you.

What do we have next period?

Uh...

..maths.

With Nunn again?

As if maths weren't already a flippin' number-mare.

I miss the days when Nunn would only shout at us in PE.

Last lesson, he threw a protractor at my head.

To be fair, you were pretending to be a giant worm.

-Yeah.

-Mm-hm.

-I need help.

-I didn't like to say.

I have to do a maths test for Year 8s.

If I don't pass, Mr Bell's going to fire me.

-No way.

-Can't you talk your dad out of it?

What makes you think he'll listen to me?

That stingy old lavatory rat

won't even buy me four electric guitars.

You can't even play the guitar.

Er, missing the point much?

If he fires you, who'll be caretaker?

Never mind that, what else could I do for a job?

Male model.

Look, if this test is for Year 8s, how hard is it going to be?

Yeah. Erm, OK, what's 4x4?

Why do you have to say that?! I don't do f...

I'm going to be sacked.

We've got maths next period! You should come with us.

Brush up on your basics.

Yeah. The basics of how to dodge a protractor.

Why would I say those things? What if there's something wrong with me?

Mate, we've known for years that there's something wrong with you.

And that was before we found out your middle name was Dinsdale.

I mean something really wrong.

What if the things that Dinsdale - let's face it -

that I have been saying...

..what if they're what I really think and feel?

At last, he gets it.

This is a private conversation!

Private? It's all over the school.

How my brother has been possessed by an evil dummy.

I'm not possessed!

Don't be ridiculous.

Face it.

Dinsdale is merely the real Owen trying to get free.

# I hate to say this but Chester is right, Dinsdale's dangerous

# My thoughts and feelings are up in air

# I can't blame the puppet, blame the puppeteer

# Am I dangerous?

# I just wanted to entertain, no plans to be famous

# But it seems that adoration inflated my ego

# And turned me against them

# No! Drifting out of control

# Dinsdale was the impetus to my downfall

# I've got to get out of this hole

# I've broken the rules, I'm out of control

-# Out of control

-# Drifting out of control

# Looks like I'm the cause of my downfall

# I've got to get out of this hole

# I've broken the rules, I'm out of control

# One-track minded, blinded by my passion for science

# Was it the right thing to do?

# Let down Eleesha and Fleur all for my pursuit

# I think I've gone too far

# Wanted to impress

# I wanted success, I wanted the best

# But let my pride make this a big mess

# This balloon has caused me a big stress

# Drifting out of control

# This balloon's the cause of my downfall

# Got to get out of this hole

# I've broken the rules, I'm out of control

# Out of control Drifting out of control

# Looks like I'm the cause of my downfall

# Got to get out of this hole

# I've broken the rules, I'm out of control

# That dummy's unlocked a door into my psyche

# Leave it open, let's see if they like me!

# No-one likes you

# And no-one likes you, as you are me and I'm you!

# How delightful

# Look, it's time for you to shove off

# I've given you jokes you would have never thought of

# And hurt others, that's not what I stand for

# I need to find a way to end this war

# Yeah, drifting out of control

# I have to reverse it, get out of this hole

# Shall I break the rules more to pull it back?

# And change my fate, just like that? #

Ah, mate, you can't chuck him away, he's a comedy genius.

It's the only chance I have, Eli.

I reject everything that Dinsdale stands for.

Good riddance.

Well, thank goodness that's over.

It's gone.

Oh, it can't have just disappeared.

Maybe Polly's already found it.

Maybe the aliens have taken it into their spaceship.

Spaceship?

Can you see a spaceship?

Obviously they have invisibility shields

so they can study humans without us knowing.

-Oh, no.

-Ugh.

Running. Again.

Not sure if even Florida is worth this.

KIDS CHATTER

All right, settle down.

What do you want? Shouldn't you be off mopping up sick or something?

Mr Bell's given me a maths test to do.

I'm well out of my depth. I need help.

It's bad enough having to teach this mob.

I can't be teaching staff and all.

That's up to you, sir, but if Isaac loses his job,

Mr Bell's still going to need someone to mop up all that sick.

-She's right, sir.

-That's not very nice.

-That will be you.

Fine. Take a seat.

Mussolini promoted active state intervention into the economy...

..denouncing the, uh, contemporary super-capitalism,

that he claimed was formed in 1914, as a failure.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Yes, come in.

No.

HE CACKLES

No, no, no!

Ah!

Oh, get a grip of yourself, Garland.

Well, what do you want, Mr Boyd?

I'm trying to trace the owner of this.

I was getting something out of my car when somebody threw it at me.

It's his.

Oh, well, detention.

We don't assault members of staff with dummies.

I was trying to get rid of it. I wasn't thinking straight.

Please, sir.

It has an evil effect on me.

-KIDS LAUGH

-Here.

You can get rid of it after school.

Preferably in a bin.

Ridiculous.

No, no, no!

We're in so much trouble.

Is that Area 51?

Area what?

Area 51 is where all the paranoid conspiracy theorists think

the government keep all the UFOs and secret stuff they've collected.

Yeah, looks more like a mattress warehouse to me.

Of course it does.

They don't want you to really know what it's for.

Let's focus on getting that balloon back.

Two horses are travelling towards each other

from a starting distance of 30 miles.

Horse A is travelling at 60mph.

Horse B is...

Yes, what?

Horses can't run that fast.

They're on a train.

-What sort of train?

-Does it matter what sort of train?

You can't put a horse on a passenger train.

There's not enough space between the seats for them to turn around.

Plus, what if somebody needs the toilet?

The horse would be blocking up the aisle.

There are toilets at either end of the carriage.

What if one isn't working?

Mr Nunn?

Can we call one of the horses Billy?

Shut up.

If you mess this up, Rodgers, it's going to make me look bad.

Two horses are travelling towards each other

from a starting distance of 30 miles.

Horse...

Now what?

-What's the weather like?

-What does that matter?

There might be leaves on the line.

-Or snow.

-Yeah, snow.

It's summer. It's a hot day. Hottest day of the year, all right?

-Better make sure the horses have water, then.

-Yeah.

Erm...

There are bottles of water on the buffet trolley.

-Yeah, that would work.

-You can't make a horse drink out of a bottle.

I've tried!

Bit my cheek.

Forget the trains. The horses are on canal boats.

-There's loads of water everywhere.

-Canal boats?

Going 60mph?

Yeah, what are they, superboats?

-Er, hello? What if the horse panics and falls into the canal?

-Yeah.

-How would you even get it out?

-You'd need a crane.

But what if horsey drowns before the crane can get there?

Look, you need to listen to me, this is important.

-Mr Nunn?

-What?

I don't want to be thinking about horses drowning.

It doesn't matter.

Two horses are travelling. Just travelling, it doesn't matter how!

Where are they going?

-Brazil.

-Why?

-One of them's having a birthday party.

-Horse B has baked a cake for the other one. All right?

-Aww.

A horse can't bake a cake.

It has hooves!

I'm never going to pass this test.

-He's found it.

-No!

Don't call the school, please don't call the school.

OK, right. So, here's the plan.

Eleesha, you pretend to faint in front of the gates.

I'll shout, say you passed out and need help.

They'll come out, then, Fleur, while we're causing a distraction,

-you slip through the...

-What is that?

Stop!

He must be going to the school, come on!

I want him gone forever.

And this is the only way.

This is entirely futile.

You can bury the dummy, but you can't bury who you really are.

Dinsdale is a part of you, Owen.

So you're saying instead of burying Dinsdale, I need to

let the Dinsdale-y part of me free?

Making peace with what he represents is the only way

to gain control over your shadow side.

Yeah, I mean, what have you got to lose, mate?

It's not like you could become any less interesting.

So I need to stop repressing my darkest thoughts?

Exactly. It's healthy once in a while to release some pressure.

If someone annoys you or...

I'll tell you who is annoyed me today - Mr Boyd.

For bringing back Dinsdale and getting me yet another detention.

I mean, it's not like Dinsdale's heavy. How badly was he hurt anyway?

I mean, it's hardly the gravest crime ever committed, is it?

But, no, he has to go stalking through the school

trying to find the culprit.

"Oh, I'm Mr Boyd, I got hit in the head by a dummy!"

Maybe, if he focused a bit less on trying to get people in trouble

and a bit more on his music lessons,

we might actually learn something of...

Is that him?

That's all very interesting, Owen.

Mr Boyd!

I was just telling Chester and Eli

the opposite of what I think about you.

-A week's detention for insulting me...

-Mm.

-..and another week for digging up school property.

-Mm.

Ow!

Oh...

Let's call it a month, shall we?

I'm finished. I didn't learn a thing.

I learned that horses can't make cakes.

I'm sure the test won't be as hard as you think it is.

Rodgers.

-What's that?

-The answers to that test Bell's got you doing.

But isn't that, like, cheating?

It's not "like" cheating, it is cheating.

Why would you want to help me cheat?

Look, if you get fired for failing a maths test

after being in one of my lessons, who do you think Bell will blame?

And how you think he's going to punish me?

I never signed up for cleaning sick, all right, just take it.

Ey!

Cheat!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

We're too late.

Oh, no.

I can't feel my legs.

There's still time, come on!

Ugh...

-You found my things!

-Yeah.

Those are my things.

Please give me my things.

-Here you go.

-Thank you!

-Yeah, thanks.

-All right.

What do you say, Leesh?

Stitch.

I can't believe we got away with that.

Yeah, Bell would have done his nut in if he caught us.

Now let's dump these before...

Hello, girls.

What are you...?

BALLOON DEFLATES LOUDLY

That...

..is my new hat.

On the plus side...

..we didn't kill a cow!

# Can't live with 'em

# And you can't kick 'em out

# When they're up they rub it in your face

-# Kick you when you're down

-But when no-one understands them

-# You know what they're on about

-Always gonna be around

# Gotta find a common ground

# If you know so much about me

# Where do I go from here?

-# If you see 'em every day

-You can never get away

# Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock. #